Culpability

Chapter Eleven

Harvey went around the kitchen trying to get dinner ready. After they both took their impromptu nap, they went for a walk around the cabin's property. Now Rebecca was in the other room, calling both Lily and Rachel to see how things were going so far with the kids.

He had decided on steaks since that was a fairly easy dinner and he knew he couldn't screw it up. Plus he remembered hearing her say something about steak earlier this week. Dinner was almost ready and he hoped she got off the phone soon.

He understood her desire to check on everyone. It seemed like second nature for her to feel like she needed to constantly check in on how people were feeling and how they were doing. It was one of the things he loved about her and it was one of the things that was going to make her be an amazing mom.

Actually she was already an amazing mom. Ethan and Olivia were adjusting surprisingly well to moving to New York City. A new town, new school, new friends, new house…none of it seemed to rattle them too much. Sure Ethan had some issues at the beginning, but everything has started to settle down.

He knew he wasn't the reason for that. He was at the office for the majority of the time after they first moved because he was trying to distance himself from everyone. It was all Rebecca. She was the glue that was holding everything and everyone together.

She handled the kids. She handled his mom. She handled the house and all of the things that came with that. She handled her pregnancy. And she handled her job. He wasn't sure how she did it, especially at first when she didn't have him to help her.

The only conclusion he could come up with was that she was a superwoman.

He had to admit that he wasn't always the best client in their joint therapy sessions. It took him a while to get to the point where he was open to it. To be honest at first he didn't want to be there. He only went because he felt he owed it to her to try so they could attempt to fix their issues. But once he was open to what Stan had to say and offer their relationship, their sessions went better and their issues started to get resolved. The issues weren't completely resolved, but things were definitely much better between them. He felt like their relationship was back on solid ground again. Actually, if he wanted to be completely honest, their relationship was better than ever before. Maybe they should have gone to therapy sooner.

"So everyone seems to be doing fine." Rebecca announced as she entered the kitchen.

"I figured they would be." He smiled.

She came over and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know. But I still wanted to check in on them. Thank you for being patient while I called."

"Of course." He leaned in and kissed her. "Besides, it gave me time to get dinner done."

"It smells amazing." She smiled.

"Go sit and I'll bring everything out."

"Can I help take anything out?" She asked.

"No." He shook his head. "I've got everything under control."

"Ok."

She let go of him and he watched her walk out to the dining room before getting the food together. It took him two trips but he got the food to the dining room himself. He would have had her help but he wanted to let her relax as much as possible. She deserved it.

"How is it?" He asked a few minutes after he sat down. He noticed that she wasn't saying anything about the food.

"It's delicious." She smiled in between bites.

"Good. I was worried when you weren't talking." He chuckled.

"I'm just starving." She explained. "And I don't know how you read my mind about steak, but I've been wanting one for two days now."

He grinned. "I'm just that good."

"Yeah, you are." She grinned back.

"So you said everyone back home is doing well?"

"Yeah. Ethan got an A on his math test."

"That's great!" He was glad because he knew Ethan had studied a lot for it the night before. Ever since he took Ethan to the gym last weekend they were getting along better. There was still some residual distance between them and he realized that he would probably never have the super-close relationship with his nephew that Rebecca seemed to share with him. But just being able to not be on the receiving end of the silent treatment was enough for now.

"And Olivia is apparently teaching Laura all sorts of new games." She smiled. "Rachel says it is so cute to watch."

"It proves she will be good around the baby." He speculated.

"I agree." She nodded.

"Speaking of…" He trailed off for a moment. "We have an ultrasound coming up in a few weeks."

"Yes we do." She nodded.

"I think it is the one where we could find out the gender."

"Yes." She nodded. "It is. You are right about that."

"Do you want to find out the gender now or wait until the baby is born?" He wanted to know the gender. It wasn't that he had a preference one way or the other. He would be happy with a girl or a boy. But he was impatient and wanted to know now instead of finding out in the delivery room.

"I'm still not sure I want to know." She explained. "I think it would be fun to be surprised."

"Oh." He sighed. "I was hoping we could find out the gender."

"Really?" She questioned. "Why?"

"Well yeah." He nodded. "I think it would nice to know now and prepare. We could get the nursery together and have everything ready."

"Yeah. She nodded. "But I was thinking maybe it would be nice to be surprised. You know we haven't had many good surprises lately."

"No." He nodded. "You're right about that. It seems like the majority of the surprises we get are negative."

"Which is why I think it would be nice to have the gender be a surprise. It would be a rare good surprise." She explained.

He thought about it and looked at her face closely. She looked like she really thought this was a good idea. He decided to go with it. "Ok. We won't find out the gender."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Really." He nodded.

"You're truly ok with that?"

He decided to be honest with her. "I would prefer to find out, but if not finding out will put a smile on your face then we won't find out."

"Thank you." She reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "But next time, can we find out the gender?"

"Next time?" She chuckled. "You want a next time?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Why?"

"It's nothing." She shrugged. "I just wasn't expecting you to want more kids. It caught me off guard for a moment."

"Don't you want more kids?" He asked. "I thought you wanted at least two."

"I did." She nodded. "I mean, I still do. I just…with getting Ethan and Olivia…I thought maybe you wouldn't want any more kids after this one."

"I can see how you would think that." He conceded. "But there is something incredibly magical about looking at you and knowing that you are carrying a baby that we both helped to create."

"You're getting to be very sappy lately." She cautioned. "You better not let Mike hear you say stuff like that or you will never live it down."

"Don't worry." He winked. "I'll save all of my sappy talk for you."

"I'm honored." She grinned.

"But I'm serious." He explained. "I want as many kids as we can handle."

"What changed your mind?" She asked. "A short time ago you weren't even sure you wanted kids at all. Now it sounds like you want us to be like one of those families on those reality shows who have twenty kids."

"It's a combination of things. Taking in Ethan and Olivia has changed my mind. Seeing you pregnant and knowing that the baby inside you is half you and half me…that we created it together out of our love…it's magical to me."

She looked at him like he had grown a second head.

"What?" He questioned with a nervous chuckle.

"Nothing." She smiled. "I'm just not used to you being so open with your thoughts and feelings like this. Don't get me wrong. It's nice and I'm enjoying it. I just think if this is going to be the way you are all the time I might need a moment to get used to it."

"Well what can I say?" He grinned. "I think I'm finally starting to learn that I can be vulnerable with you. I should be vulnerable with you because you're my wife and I love you more than anything in this world. If there is anyone I should be vulnerable with, it is you. I should be telling you everything and holding nothing back."

"Seriously?" She asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah, seriously." He nodded. He watched as her face started to crumple. She was biting her lip and soon tears started to pour down her cheeks.

"Hey…" He said softly, getting out of his seat and standing next to her chair. He put his hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong? What did I say that was wrong? I didn't mean to make you cry. That was the last thing I wanted to do."

He watched her get up out of the chair and wrap her arms around his neck.

"You didn't say or do anything wrong." She said as she put her head on his right shoulder. "I've just been waiting so long for you to say that…for us to get to this point."

He gently pulled away so he could use his hands to dry the tears on her face. "I know I haven't always been the kind of man you deserve…"

"Harvey…"

"No." He interrupted. "Let me say this. The last thing in the world I want is to lose you. But a lot of my actions or rather my inactions have made it difficult for you to trust in me the way you should be able to and I'm sorry. You deserve better and I'm going to be better from now on."

"Harvey, you don't have to completely change yourself for me." She told him. "I…"

"I want to. Besides, I won't completely change everything." He smirked. "I'll just change the parts of me that annoy you the most."

She started to smirk. "I love you…so damn much."

"I love you too."