Chapter Nine: How Can I Blame You

BPOV

I watch as a certain sadness fall over his face, and all I want to do is take him in my arms and never let him go. I want to protect him from the hurt of his past, the doubt of his present, and the uncertainty of his future. That woman really did a number on him, and she doesn't even know it. She probably doesn't even care. She couldn't, because she's not here.

I resist touching him by tucking my hands between my thighs, giving the impression that I'm warming them up.

He looks.

"Are you scared Esme will leave as well?" I ask, bringing his attention back to my face.

His eyes meet mine, and there's a severity in his gaze that makes me feel cold right to my bones. "She's not mine to keep, Bella," he says calmly. "She's never been mine."

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?"

"What else can I believe?" he asks. "Think about it. I already said it. If my own mother, my own flesh and blood could leave me; what makes you think Esme would be any different?"

"She's different because she's here," I tell him. "Every day, she's here, Edward. With you. With your family. It's a choice she makes every single day. She loves you, and she would be insane to leave you."

"Like my actual mother?" he questions.

"Yes," I say without hesitation. "You are great. You are amazing, and it's her loss that she's missing out on getting to know how wonderful you are."

He just stares at me, as if I've spoken a foreign language that he doesn't understand. He's so damaged by her actions; he can't even believe he's deserving of the love Esme gives him.

"Edward," I press.

He sighs heavily. "I think she sees me," he says. "Out there in the world, swimming, breaking records. I think, sometimes, I want her to see me, to show her I can do good all by myself; to show her I don't need her. I've never needed her."

He looks so broken, so defeated, and I don't know what to say or do.

"I'm doing fine," he whispers. "Right? I'm okay?"

I nod. "Of course, Edward. You're doing amazing. I know I would be sorry if I didn't know you the way I do."

He doesn't say anything.

"And, for what it's worth, I think you're better off anyway."

This time, he nods in agreement. "She was a free-spirit, apparently. She never really wanted the married life with a kid, but she fell in love with my father, and that's what he wanted. When she got pregnant, they moved to Vancouver, to work in that branch of the firm. She lasted four years, Bella. Four years with me, and she just couldn't do it. She decided she didn't want us, and she took off to live her dream."

I blink. "Is that why you taught yourself how to play the guitar?"

"Hmm?"

"The guitar?"

He laughs. "My father doesn't actually know I play, you know? He knows I have it, but not that I can play. I think he'd have a fit if ever I expressed interest in music. It's probably why he's accepted the swimming the way he has. It's less likely to take me away from him the way music took her away from us."

"Is it something he worries about?"

"Wouldn't you?"

There are a lot of things I worry about... though; abandonment hasn't been one of them. Yes, I'm scared my parents' marriage is going to implode. I'm terrified my brothers will resent me for this move to Seattle. I worry about Angela finding her way in this crazy world, and I worry about Alice's happy-go-lucky nature getting beat out of her by the harshness of life. I worry Jasper will lose his boyish charm with age, and I worry Ben's going to let the trials of the world stop him from going after what he wants.

But, most of all, I worry about this boy before me, who carries the burden of abandonment on his shoulders and wears his precious heart on his sleeve.

"She's not even that successful," I sort of say, and his eyes snap towards me.

"What?"

"Umm..." I scramble for words. "So, I might have looked her up."

"Oh?"

"I'm sorry," I say. "Did I overstep? I was just curious, and I wanted to know who she was and see if she was - "

"Was what?" he questions. "Happy?"

I sigh. "Yeah."

"Is she?"

"I don't see how she could be when she left you behind."

He smiles at me, his hand reaching for one of mine. He tugs it free from its trap between my thighs, and pulls it to rest against his chest. We haven't been this intimate since before that fateful day at Breaking Dawn, and it doesn't feel as weird as it used to. I can't be sure if I'm relieved or not.

We just look at each other for the longest time, before my phone starts to ring. I can't help the groan I let out as I fish for it in the pocket of my hoodie.

It's Jake.

"I should go," I say, silencing the phone. I am not going to answer a call from my boyfriend in front of Edward. We could both go our entire lives without that ever happening. The fact that Jake is calling at all is making me feel awkward.

"I don't want you to," he whines.

"Edward," I say, and I feel his fingers feather-light on my forearm. They are cool and distracting. "I have to go now."

He sighs heavily, accepting my stance even though he clearly doesn't want to. "How are you getting home?"

"The same way I got here."

"And that was how exactly?"

I must look guilty because his eyes widen almost comically.

"Bella?" Silence. "Bella Swan." Still, nothing. "Did you drive?"

I bristle slightly. Why does he have to ask the question like that? "I can drive."

"But you don't have your license," he points out.

"I'm getting it tomorrow."

He shakes his head in mild disbelief. "What am I ever going to do with you? I mean, does your mother know you're here?"

I can't even look at him.

"Oh, Bella."

I just laugh as I roll onto my back and sit up. His bed is so comfortable, and it's even more inviting because he's right next to me, looking slightly rumpled, with his hair untidy and his smile easy.

Right now, I kind of want to kiss him.

Hmm.

Okay. Time to go home.

I stand up and remind myself my boyfriend is waiting for me. My boyfriend, who is not Edward Cullen. Who, incidentally, is a boy who has his own girlfriend.

Edward makes a show of rising to his feet, groaning as he does. His t-shirt rides up, and I have to force myself to look away. "I have to ask," he says, running a hand through his hair. "Did you skip school on purpose?"

I blush again. "I don't know what you're talking about," I say. Then, after he just stares at me pointedly for the longest time, I add, "It was Alice's idea. I had no choice in the matter."

"Oh, sure," he says, looking deathly amused. "No choice at all."

I just shake my head, fighting off a blush.

"Well, while you're here," he says, practically hopping around his bed and retrieving something from a drawer in his desk. "I wasn't sure when I was going to give it to you, so I'm doubly glad you came by, even if you did do it illegally."

Ignoring his comment, I just watch as he moves towards me and holds out a small box.

"Happy birthday, Isabella," he says with a smile.

I blink, because it's the first time he's ever called me Isabella, and the memories I expect to be hit with just don't come. I struggled through Emmett calling me by my full name, and hit back with something I didn't know was insensitive, but hearing my full name out of Edward's mouth is almost therapeutic. As if it's helping me prepare for when others are, undoubtedly, going to say it.

"Is something wrong?" he asks, suddenly looking unsure.

I quickly shake my head, ridding myself of my thoughts. "No, Edward."

He gives me a curious look, but he decides not to push. "I was going to get you a matching Speedo, but I couldn't find one," he teases. "So, I got this instead." He presses the little box into my hand and waits. Then: "Bella, are you going to open it?"

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

I stare at him.

He steps towards me. "Why do I get the sense I've done something wrong?"

"You haven't," I tell him. "I just - " I stop and look down at the little box in my hand. "This is for me?"

He nods. "Open it. I think you'll like it."

As soon as I move to open the box, his cool fingers close over mine, making me stop.

"Okay, just, quickly, before you open it," he rushes. "I need to explain something first."

I meet his gaze.

"It's a gift, Bella, so you're just going to have to accept it," he tells me, and I frown in confusion. "I mean, you don't even have to wear it if you don't want to, but I saw it online, and I thought of you, so I had to order it."

I still don't understand, but he offers me nothing more as explanation. When his fingers finally release mine, I open the box and I finally understand. "Oh."

He grins at me. "Do you like it?"

I nod automatically, my fingers reaching in to retrieve the petite pendant. A smile spreads across my face as I pull it out, the chain coming along. I think it's silver until I realize it's actually white gold, and my mouth drops open. "Edward?"

"Do you like it?" he presses.

"It's Nemo," I say. "This is Nemo."

"It is," he says, nodding. "Do you like it?" he asks again, worry in his tone. "Bella, don't you like it?"

"I love it," I tell him. "Edward, jeez, this is too much. I can't - "

"It's barely enough," he says, cutting me off.

"Edward?"

"Just to make you think of me," he says smugly, as if I don't already think about him enough. "Like I said, you don't have to wear it; I just - "

"No," I automatically say; "I want to." I take a breath. "Will you put it on for me?"

His eyes widen slightly, but he quickly takes the necklace from me, his fingers working the clasp.

I turn around and lift my hair out of the way. I wait. And wait. I glance over my shoulder at him. "Edward?"

He clears his throat. "Uh, right, sorry," he says, as his hands move around my neck, and he clasps the necklace, his fingers brushing against my skin.

I shiver, despite myself, as I release my hair and turn back to look at him. His face is flushed, and I'm left to wonder why. I give him the tightest hug because I don't know what to say without possibly bursting into tears. When I release him, he's still blushing right to the roots of his hair. My fingers move to touch the pendant that hangs at a level just above the valley of my breasts.

Edward looks again, which doesn't help with the red in his face.

"Thank you," I say, and his eyes snap back up to meet mine. "I really do love it, Nemo."

He smiles widely. "I'm glad."

We look at each other for a long moment before my phone rings again. I don't have to look to know it's Jake, and I have to go now.

Edward walks me out, and we spend an alarming amount of time putting off my departure. He holds my hand as we walk, his fingers always cooler than mine. I think his body temperature is naturally just cooler than normal. It can't be healthy.

"I do want you to come to dinner," I tell him again.

He laughs lightly, his back leaning against the door frame in the open doorway. "Bella," he says, and the word sounds different - almost as if it hurts to say it. "I think I've raised enough suspicion today."

I blink. "Oh."

He runs a hand through his hair, which is still drying. "And, I mean, who's to say your dinner is even happening this weekend?" he points out. "I expect a written invitation, by the way."

Edward ends up hitting the nail on the head because Alice's planning takes longer than either of us anticipated. I mean, I thought it would take a while, but it's borderline ridiculous how long it takes us all to get it together enough to have a sit-down.

Jasper has an away game.

Angela has to go on a church retreat with her family.

It's already the first Saturday of October by the time all our schedules finally align, and it's almost a relief to distract ourselves from the endlessness that is school. Juggling it all has been difficult, and we need a night out.

It's barely been a month since school started and I'm already so tired of tests and assignments. I'm ready to pull out my own hair. My parents aren't that sympathetic. Their 'when I was a student' stories really don't help me. And, I don't want to hear about a time when people didn't use calculators. I can't even imagine life without my fancy silver Casio. Trigonometry without a calculator? I'm sure I'd cry every day.

Not that I don't already do that now. I just want to sleep.

What is great is that the great big world didn't burn to the ground when news spread about Edward and me being Biology partners. When we finally started talking again, he told me Rose made a whole show of being replaced, but he reminded her that she was the one who abandoned him. His eyes grew dark as he said the words to me, and I suspected he was thinking about his mother.

I quickly brought him back.

So, seeing as this dinner has been postponed so many times, it makes sense now for Edward to be invited. I have half a mind to thank my lucky stars that the postponements actually happened. It's been almost a month, and I reason it should be enough time for my lab partner to be extended an invitation. In fact, Alice ended up insisting, and Angela begged; even dropped down to her knees and everything as if she were in prayer.

I feign relative disinterest and question it appropriately, but I waste no time texting Edward the news once it's all agreed. Of course, once again, he demands it in writing, and I mention to Alice that it would be cool if there were actual invitations.

Alice goes crazy with excitement, as expected, and she spends an obscene amount of time planning and making them. She's torturous with her questions of what I like and don't like, until I remind her that she has all the power. Her squeal is frightening. Heaven help us all.

Edward grins like a madman when I hand him the invitation at the breakfast nook in his kitchen on the Thursday evening before the dinner. He puts on an entire act of phony acceptance until I take the invitation back from him and open it, much to his annoyance.

"Alice spent extra time on yours," I tell him, wiping the glitter off my fingers as I pull the card out of the black envelope. "At Angela's insistence, of course. She's literally pissing herself at the idea of sitting at the same dinner table as you."

He takes the card from me, holding the corners, so as not get glitter on himself. I watch him carefully as he reads, a steady smile spreading across his face. "I have to wear a hat?" he asks.

"She's going for a Mad Hatter's theme, without the actual tea party part," I inform him, shrugging slightly. "All you have to do is wear a hat."

"A specific type of hat?"

I meet his gaze. "Surprise me."

His eyes darken for a moment, before he clears his throat. "So, is there a seating plan, and how close to you am I sitting?"

I smile. "Well, if you must know, you're sitting right across from me," I tell him. "Angela is sitting next to me, so you'll have an entire table between the two of you."

He looks at me, and I don't quite recognize the look on his face. "I get to look at you all night?"

I nod.

He says nothing more about it.

Heidi then enters the kitchen, and Edward and I quickly decorate our pizzas and get them ready for the oven. They're going in after Peter and Liam's are done because they have to eat and go to bed much earlier than we do.

When Esme found out I was coming over, she called Edward's father; and they scheduled an impromptu date night. Esme even joked that she would love it if we made it a weekly thing to allow them a reprieve.

"Shall we?" he says, standing.

I nod, and he leads the way up to his bedroom. It's the first time since before and after my birthday that I've been at his house on a weekday during the school year, but we have a write-up to do for Biology, and it's doubtful we'll have time over the weekend. Apparently, we're celebrating.

Edward heads straight to his desk and powers up his computer. "Have you started?" he asks as he flops down into his chair. He brought in a chair from downstairs for me, and I move to sit on the right-hand side of his desk, where he's cleared some space for me to work.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I ask.

He grins at me. "I don't know, but that definitely is."

I shake my head. He seems so relaxed, sitting there, looking at me with an easy smile on his face. I'm not sure what it's all to do with, and I think it's better that I don't know the reason. I don't think I could handle knowing he's this content because of Kate.

I refuse to think about what that means.

"Okay," I say, clearing my throat; "so, we just break it up, work, and then compile?"

"I thought you liked to do things separately?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I shrug. "I know you're not a leech, like Mike," I tell him. "You'll actually work."

He just nods. "All right then. Let's get to it."

This is our first write-up as lab partners, and I don't really know what to expect. I tend to put a lot of effort into my write-ups, but even I don't start them the day after the practical. It's almost too diligent for me. I try to be a normal student from time to time.

But then I kind of also just want to spend time with him. We've settled after the whole Emmett/Riley thing, and my brother's now being left alone, but it's still something we haven't really spoken about properly. I know we should, but I kind of like this.

This avoidance.

It's easier.

I think he expects me to take control, so I do. I break it up into the required headings and then ask him which sections he wants. He takes the latter half, which, generally, is the most complicated and I let out a sigh of relief. I take out my own laptop, get settled, and we get to work.

I catch him looking at me from time to time and we exchange small smiles. I try not to blush, but I don't think I'm successful. I don't know how long we work, but Edward's the one who brings us to a stop.

He lets out a long breath. "Are we done?" he asks.

"I am not," I tell him. "Are you?"

He huffs. "Before I answer that, how many different ways do you think you can say: 'The results do not make sense,' because I think I've exhausted them all?"

I laugh. "Edward, what have you been writing this whole time?"

He frowns for a moment before he turns his right screen for me to see. It's almost comical how much he has written, and I'm almost irritated with him, given that I've barely written as much as he has. He's pretty much done with the Results, Conclusion, and Discussion.

"What the hell is that?" I ask.

His eyes widen in confusion. "Umm, it's what you told me to do."

I sigh.

"What? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "I think I need to take a break," I tell him, slightly irritated. Really, I have barely two paragraphs of the Introduction and almost seven sentences for the Method.

"By all means, Bella; take a break," he says, smiling warmly at me. "I'm going to go check on the pizza, and make sure the boys have eaten."

I watch him stand up and stretch, my eyes catching sight of some skin as his t-shirt rises. I look away immediately, flushing slightly. As he walks past, he brushes my shoulder with his hand, and I feel it in my bones. Oh, boy.

Once he's gone, I take a moment to gather myself. I can't tell if he's the one who's acting weird, or if it's me. Is it both of us? Why today of all days?

He's back before I can even break down whatever is or isn't happening, and he has our pizzas and two bottles of Gatorade with him. I made the mistake of revealing to him that the drink is growing on me, and trust him to have an endless supply.

If Gatorade was smart, they would endorse him now. The boy is bound to blow up at some point, and they'd be wise to get in early. I just watch as he sets up a little picnic for us on the carpet at the foot of his bed. He can be stupidly adorable when he's trying to be cute.

"M'lady," he says, gesturing with his arm. "Your dinner awaits."

I can't help my giggle as I slide off my seat and sit cross-legged opposite him. "Did you finish your protein supplements?" I ask, watching him carefully.

He shrugs, as he starts on his pizza.

"Edward.".

He bites into his first slice and grins at me as he does. "I'm eating pepperoni, Bella," he says, as he chews. "I'm pretty sure that counts as protein."

"You're an idiot."

Again with that grin.

We eat in silence for a little while, and the comfort of it is overwhelming. When he opens his bottle of Gatorade, he opens mine as well. It's such a simple thing, but it just confuses me. I guess I'm distracted or something, because I don't notice until his hand has already reached for mine.

"What are you doing?" I ask, watching him watch me.

His fingers are cool as he entwines them with mine. "Bella, is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

He frowns. "I don't know; you just seem distracted. Elsewhere."

I fiddle with the pendant of my necklace with my free hand, as I've now started to do. Trust him to pick up on it. Frankly, I don't actually know what's wrong with me, so I don't know what to tell him.

"Bella?"

I clear my throat. "I guess I'm just worried," I confess, and it sounds like the truth.

"What about?" he asks.

I can feel the pad of his thumb on the back of my hand for a moment before he releases it, so I can try to explain this feeling I can't quite understand. It's familiar, but it's also not. "Do you ever get the feeling that something is coming?" I ask. "Like, no matter what anyone says or does, or how much you do or do not know; it's going to happen anyway?"

He frowns for a moment. "Do you have a bad feeling or something like that?" he asks.

I nod.

He looks as if he's trying to understand, and I appreciate that because I don't even understand. "Have you ever had a bad feeling before?" he asks.

Again, I nod.

He takes a breath. "In Ohio?"

This time, I look away.

"Bella?"

"It's stupid, I know."

"No, it's not," he says. "You're entitled to feel what you feel, even if it doesn't make sense right now."

"I never want it to make sense," I tell him.

"Understandable."

I meet his gaze for a moment before I return to my dinner. He does too, and we're just able to ignore it. Once he's done, he downs his protein supplements to meet his calorie intake. Sometimes, I worry about him because he doesn't always keep up with his nutrition. He'd start losing weight if he exercised more than he ate. He'd wear himself out.

While I return to my write-up, Edward cleans up and then checks on the boys. It amazes me how quiet they actually are, particularly compared to my crazy brothers. Maybe the house is so big; I can't hear them.

Edward has two bowls of ice cream when he gets back, which we eat at his desk. He eats his ice cream slowly, swirling it around, and he fiddles with his computer as it melts. He's apparently one of those who likes to wait it out.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What's your name on Facebook?"

My eyes widen. "What?"

"Facebook, Bella," he says. "I just searched, and I can't seem to find you."

I blink rapidly. "Uh, I don't have Facebook," I tell him.

"You don't?"

I clear my throat. "I mean, I did, but then I deleted it after..." I trail off. Dammit. "Uh, after Ohio."

He just nods.

It still amazes me that he's never actually asked me to tell him. Jake begged for ages until I decided I had to before I agreed to date him. I still don't know why I haven't told Edward yet. Am I worried things will change? Am I worried they won't? Part of my reasoning for telling Jake all about it was to see him turn and go, but he surprised me. I'm not ready for the possibility of Edward turning and going as well.

He takes a breath, smiles at me, and then we return to our work. I reckon this is the first time I'll finish my write-up before the weekend. It's not complete by any means because we'll have to do extensive editing, but I'm confident we can get it done before Monday's deadline.

I leave myself twenty minutes to pack up and get home before my curfew. Edward pretends to put up a fight, as he does most times I have to leave. He walks me out, as usual, and we're standing at my car when his father and Esme get back. They took a driver, so they're both a little tipsy, which Edward and I find hilarious.

Just from the little interaction, it's clear to see they are still stupidly in love with each other. I can't help feeling a little jealous. I can't even remember the last time my parents looked that happy, and I can't stop myself from thinking it's all my fault. There haven't been smiles like that since before the move to Seattle. Maybe even before.

Before Dominic.

"You two have a good night?" Esme asks, her arm around her husband's waist.

I nod.

Edward grins. "Clearly not as good as you two."

I glance at my watch. If I don't leave now, I'll be in deep shit. Edward notices, and he initiates the goodbye again. His parents head inside, and then his attention is fully on me, his eyes caring and concerned.

"I don't want you to worry," he says. "That bad feeling, Bella; I'm sure it's nothing."

I'm inclined to believe him but, as I drive away, I know I won't. Something's coming, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

When Saturday arrives, I wake up to a long text from Alice, making sure I do exactly as instructed. She came by last night and helped me pick out two outfits, and I picked the third outfit of sweatpants and one of Jake's hoodies. She wasn't amused.

I spend most of the day going over my Biology write-up and conjugating an endless number of verbs for French. When it's time to get ready, I head to the shower first, and spend almost half an hour deciding on which outfit to wear. Alice is going to kill me if I choose wrong.

Eventually, I flip a coin and just go with it.

My makeup takes over half an hour.

I've just popped in my large loop earrings when I hear my phone buzz on my chest of drawers. I think it's probably Alice asking if I've already left, but it's actually Edward.

Edythe: Hi, birthday girl :) I'm running late... Kevin kept me late after training (endless swimming spiel) and then Jane had me read over her Salinger paper. The things I do for the girls in my life.

Edythe: These aren't excuses, believe me. I'm definitely coming! I'm headed home for a shower and the first half of my dinner. Don't want to scare Angela away with my eating habits. I hope you're behaving!

Okay. My heart is beating so fast. Edward and Jake are going to be in the same place at the same time. I'm more worried about that than my dad and Jake actually meeting for the first time.

That can't be normal.

I turn to the sound of a knock at my door and spy my mom standing in the doorway. She's smiling warmly at me.

"Hi, Mom," I say.

"Riley's waiting for you downstairs," she informs me, her smile widening slightly.

"I'm almost ready," I tell her.

She steps into my room and walks towards me. "I can't believe my baby girl is turning sixteen years old."

"Mom, I turned sixteen like three weeks ago."

She says nothing, but her eyes do soften. In fact, they get almost teary.

I don't know why I suddenly feel unsettled. "Is something wrong?"

She looks at me for a long time, her fingers moving to touch a lock of my hair. "You really are very beautiful, Bella," she says solemnly.

I just stare at her.

"My baby girl is growing into such a beautiful young woman."

"Mom," I say, embarrassed.

"I'm just saying, Sweetheart."

I sigh. "Well, thank you."

There's something oddly melancholy about her, and it's worrying me. "You and Dad are still coming tonight, right?" I check.

She smiles at me, and it just about reaches her eyes. "Of course," she assures me. "We wouldn't miss it for the world... even if we have been relegated to a separate table."

I laugh. "That was Alice," I tell her. "She just thought everyone would be more comfortable that way. And it means you don't have to wear a funky hat."

"Oh, the silver linings."

I look her in the eye. "Are you sure you're okay, Mom?"

"Of course," she says quickly. Too quickly. She speaks again before I can even ask any more questions. "Now, hurry, your brother's waiting."

I let it go because tonight isn't the night for this. I just nod, and she leaves me to finish getting ready.

Riley rides with me to the restaurant, and, if he picks up on my anxiousness, he doesn't say anything. I force myself not to drive quickly, even though I want to. I know Alice is already there, so everything should be fine. Jake will probably be late, and Riley and I left our parents at home with Max.

Alice squeals when she spots me. She rushes my way and squeezes the life out of me.

"Okay, good, you're here," she says, her hands on my shoulders and her eyes on my face. "Thank you for not looking like a hobo."

Riley laughs from my right side, and I shoot him a look that he blatantly ignores. "Hi, Alice," he says instead.

Alice turns her attention to him, giving him the once-over. She pats the top hat on his head, her face giving away her approval. "Riley, dear, are you all dressed up because you heard that my sister is joining us as well?"

Riley's blush is answer enough, and I resist the urge to tease him mercilessly.

Alice pats his shoulder. "Bree should be somewhere back there. Go on and leave us old ladies to complain about our lives."

He shoots us both smiles before he heads off.

Alice links her arm with mine. "One of these days, you're going to be my actual sister," she says, bouncing slightly. "I can't wait!"

I squeeze her arm. "I like the hat," I say, referring to her furry masterpiece. Only Alice Brandon could pull off wearing some kind of animal on her head.

"I'm digging the tiara," she returns. "I was worried you weren't actually going to wear it."

I ignore her because we already had this debate, and I lost. "Who else is here?" I ask instead.

"Nearly everyone," she says. "Just waiting on the Swans, Edward Cullen, Ben and a few others."

I just nod.

"So, how was it driving your new wheels?" she asks.

I smile automatically, as usually happens when I think about the birthday present I received from my parents. It wasn't anything fancy. Secondhand, because of course I'm bound to have a few run-ins. It's a silver, 2007 model Volvo C30 that Alice and Angela absolutely love. I think Angela's just relieved she doesn't have to be the only option for designated driver anymore.

"Riley was fiddling with my radio, but I very quickly shut that down," I tell her. "And I think I've decided on a name for her."

"Ooh, I'm listening."

I look at her. "Pistachio."

She looks at me for the longest time. "Oh, I love it! How on earth did you come up with that?"

I can't tell her it was actually Edward who suggested the name. He may be allergic to peanuts, but he has a pistachio obsession. If they weren't as low as they are on calories; I think he would eat them and them alone for his meals. "It came to me while I was eating them," I tell her, which isn't exactly untrue. Edward and I were both eating the pistachios.

"Then you're definitely going to love Jasper's hat."

The hats are all lovely; some are even homemade. Angela used different types of pasta on an old bowler hat to spell out 'Happy B-Day, Bella.' It's adorable, and she clearly can't wait for Edward to see it.

Speaking of.

I pull my phone out of my pocket. I have a message from Jake, where he asks again if he can bring Sam or Paul or Embry. For the hundredth time, I tell him 'no.' I don't want any of his rowdy friends here. I just know the evening would turn sour if they came and I don't want that. I went to his exclusively St Matthew's birthday party with no complaints, and now he's coming to my Waite one.

There's also a message from Edward.

Edythe: Okay, I just got out of the shower. I'm starving.

And another.

Edythe: Getting dressed now.

Edythe: Should I wear green? Or is that too much?

I just shake my head as I put my phone away. Slowly, everyone arrives, and we get settled. We're just waiting for Edward, and there's a part of me that feels odd. I wonder if he's taking this long because he secretly doesn't actually want to come and he just didn't have the heart to tell me.

No.

He would have told me.

I check my phone anyway, and I'm not surprised to find messages from Edward. There are a whole lot of them, detailing his progress. It's both hilarious and endearing.

Edythe: Don't wait for me.

Fifteen minutes later.

Edythe: I'm leaving in like fifty seconds.

I laugh, because what else can I do?

"I'm starving," Jake says on my left. "Are we going to order soon?"

I look at Alice for confirmation, but she's asking the question of me. I shrug. Edward said don't wait for him, so I don't feel as bad as I probably should when I nod, and we all happily discuss what we want to eat from the set menu. I opt for the Prawn Cocktail for my appetizer, Grilled Beef Fillet for my main, and then, Chocolate Fondant for my dessert. My mouth is literally watering just from the prospect.

"Wanna dance?" Jake asks, his ghastly wolf hat falling forward on his head.

I want to say no, but my foot's been tapping under the table to the sound of the glorious - and extremely loud - cover band. My grin is enough to get him to stand, and he leads me to the dance floor. I have a quick chance to check my phone before we move into position.

Edythe: Okay, so I just left.

Edythe: Oh shit. Forgot my hat. Turning back.

Edythe: REALLY don't wait for me. I'm sorry, but you're the one who said Alice won't let me sit at the table without it.

I just shake my head. His last message is from at least half an hour ago, and I absently wonder where he is. Jake grabs my hand and pulls me towards him. I almost drop my phone as I shriek out loud, which turns into a full on giggle. I pocket my phone and forget everything else.

The music is good, and Jake is warm, and I'm really glad his friends aren't here. He's better when they're not around. We're better.

I don't know for how long we dance, but it takes that long for our food to arrive.

Angela asks about Edward constantly, but he isn't replying to my texts, so I don't know what to think. Jasper makes a comment about Edward thinking he's too good for us, which Jake expands on, and I don't know how to defend him.

We're definitely going to have a conversation about this later.

After our mains, Jake and I dance again. I've given up on trying to get a hold of Edward and leave my phone on the table when we head to the dance floor. I'm still digesting, but it feels so good to be young, and happy, and here.

Jake and my dad also didn't get into it, which is always good. They shook hands, exchanged a few words, and then Jake came to sit next to me. The rest is history, I guess. Jake thinks it went well, and I'm inclined to agree with him. Given my history with boys, this is the best I could ask for.

We're just moving into a new song when Alice calls for me from the table, and I look away from Jake. She waves her hand, calling me over.

Jake sighs dramatically.

I smile at him. "Oh, hush," I say. "I'll be right back."

His hands squeeze my hips for a moment before he releases me.

I kiss his cheek because there's no way I'm going to kiss his mouth in front of my dad. I try not to think that I wouldn't do it in front of Edward either, but the thought still comes to me. I like to hope Edward wouldn't kiss Kate in front of me either.

Alice waves her hand again, forcing me to hurry.

"Jeez, Al," I say, almost skipping towards her. "Where's the fire?"

She just shakes her head, and she holds something out for me. "Your phone is ringing."

I frown, taking it from her. Everyone who could possibly be calling me is in this room right now, and Edward knows where I am. He knows, and he should be here already. I stare down at my phone and the Caller ID tells me that it's Esme, newly resaved as "Nemo's Mom."

My heart stills because why on earth would she be calling? Edward should be here but he isn't, and his mom is calling. I blink rapidly, slowly sliding my finger to the right and bringing the phone up to my ear. "Hello?" I say.

"Bella."

There's something in her voice that makes me turn away from the table and Alice's curious eyes, the blood in my veins growing cold. This is the bad feeling about to come to light; I just know it.

I knew it. I knew it all along.

"Esme," I force myself to say, my voice soft and hesitant. "What's happened?"

"Oh, Bella," she says, and her voice catches. "There's been an accident."