Chapter 20: Swallow Me
AN: Italics in this involve Vaas speaking his Rakyat tongue.
Vaas groans in discontent, the bindings in his wrists cutting into his skin. Those bitches really tied it tight; there's no way in hell he's getting out of those knots.
Dominique irritated him, coming in talking about some vague American allegory about coffee beans and perseverance; that nonsense is better reserved for those cheesy 1990s American movies he'd purchase off bootleg. That sense of hope in her eye is admirable, even though he knows it won't be long before she's broken. She will be swallowed whole by the jungle; he will watch as her sanity is slowly stripped away until she becomes a husk of what she used to be.
He went through that path, now she will follow.
Part of him wonders what will become of his fate; death seems like a more reasonable option, considering the animosity against his remaining people for his betrayal over a decade ago. They never understood his reasoning, his motives, his secret desires…
And they never will once the death sentence has been administered and he will face his death, and his demons, head on like a man.
He knew the day would come when he'd be forced to answer for his sins; perhaps Jason doing him in would've spared him such a task. He needed more time, more time to right his wrongs. Didn't the island grant him such a wish? Why else would they bring these…passengers, one with eyes that haunts him with the image of his mother…?
"Son."
Who said that?
"Son," the voice whispered in his native tongue, this time with more urgency. He feels cool hands glide over his scalp, the smooth touch making goosebumps on his skin.
"Son, what have you done?"
He feels soft black hair tickle his neck as the hands connect to a body that's in front of him. it's his mother, wearing a white dress that flows, her curly black hair draped over her shoulders, flowers and her tatau glowing, despite the darkness and grime. She looks the same way she did when she died, only happier, younger, softer.
Vaas feels his eyes prick with unshed tears.
"Mama, it's been so long…"
"Shh…" her thin finger presses against his lips.
"Son, you have disappointed me so. You've turned your back on your people, taken away innocent lives, corrupted your body with the poisons of those white men. You've lost your way, son."
Her soft eyes and frown riddle Vaas with guilt. He wants to tell her that he had no choice, that what Citra and him did…
He swallows the lump in his throat.
"Mama, you have to understand…"
"I understand, son. I knew. I knew everything." She looks down and faces him.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that Citra did those things to you?"
The lump got stronger.
"I was…I was…I was afraid." Tears fell. He found himself sobbing; he's never cried like this since his mom died. He unravels at his mother's mercy, years of holding that secret from his mother finally coming to the light.
"I was afraid you'd think I wasn't strong. I was afraid of bringing shame to our family. I was afraid of ruining us, our family. I did it to protect us. It was supposed to be my cross to bear…"
"Shh…" arms wrap around him.
"I'm here, son. I'm here. You are a warrior, but you are my son first. You know I'd do anything to protect you and Citra. You are strong, my son. You are strong."
"You told me to take care of her. I've failed you, Mama. I've failed."
"You did the best you could do. Citra chose that path. It was her decision whether or not you beat it out of her. Killing her would've been the best option, but she's gone, now. She has passed on and has to answer for her mistakes. Her hands have been stained with innocent blood and corruption long enough."
She presses her lips to his temple. The cool touch keeps his anxiety at bay.
"Mama, I wish…I wish I could just turn back time and…stay. Stay with me, right here, forever." He tries to bury his face into her neck, but can't. All he could get was a whiff of what she used to smell like, try to burn her in his memory so she could stay there and not fade away like before.
"I wish I could, Vaas, but I can't. I have to leave you again, and it pains me to do it, but I have to. I'm here to give you a message, son." She looks at him, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What's the message?"
"You will redeem yourself and clean the slate from our family name. Our legacy will continue and it will be in glory and peace. The next generation will change these islands for the better."
"The next generation—"
"I have to go, Vaas. But please, try. Try, for me." She begins to fade away.
"Mama, mama don't, don't leave me like this…"
"What a handsome man you are. I wish I was there to watch you grow more."
"Mama, please…stay…" he can't hold back the tears. Before she vanishes, she looks at Vaas and with a warm smile she says,
"We'll meet again very soon. I can't wait to see you again, Vaas. I love you." All that was left of her was a small mist, escaping through the thin cracks of sunlight.
It was just him now.
"I love you, too." He whispers, breaking into a cry.
"I love you so much, Mama. Come back to me."
Vaas awakes to the rough hands of Rakyat women as they cut his binds and slam him into the ground. Anika stands over him, boot in his back.
"It's Judgment Day." She says gravely. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees rope, stones, and a burlap sack.
He's going to die.
They'll throw him in the waters, and he'll let them. He'll let the waters swallow him whole and spit out his bones.
He's ready to meet his family again on the other side.
"I'm ready." He says. They won't get an ounce of fear out of him. he'll greet death with kindness and familiarity. His soul will be at peace and he'll be reborn.
The water will swallow his soul and cleanse him anew.