Chapter 2 - 'Really? ... Really?'

The bagel lived a short life and ended up in the garbage can around the corner of the first block, his appetite had suddenly diminished. The coffee still firmly secured in his hand; his phone in the other, the choices still untouched. He clicked the screen off and tucked her back into his jacket pocket, the phone, not her he thought.

He couldn't make a decision like that on a whim, he wondered how long it had taken her to send the request to begin with. He needed caffeine, time and the seclusion of his office before thinking about every single ramification that could come of him accepting. Damn you Facebook, he thought as he rode the elevator back up to PSL; his head still not fully engaged in functioning like a human. More like a deer, a baby deer in fact, pushed out onto the freeway with a pair of intensely glaring beams of light from an articulated hauler truck upon him. The glaring blaze of light was Donna. He couldn't see for it. Her profile picture emblazoned on his mind; an image of her he had never seen before. He had remembered searching for her name once, not long after she had left in a haze of bitterness after the Coastal Motors memo trial run, but this picture was different. She looked different.

Why now? Why today? So many questions needing to be answered before he could even rationalise a response to the request. But to get those answers, the request needed to be accepted. He hadn't fully made up his mind, even by the time he had returned to his desk, deliberately by-passing Jessica's office on the way he hadn't a clue what to do. He was usually so sure of his next move. Not this time.

'Oh, I didn't know you were on Facebook again?' Louis' eyes lit up as he appeared in front of Harvey's desk, so stealth-like that Harvey hadn't even noticed his unwanted arrival. 'How long have you been back on? You're not on my Friend List.' Louis peered nosily over to Harvey's cell phone.

Harvey momentarily blinked his eyes to shake his Donna thoughts from his head to fully focus on Louis' words. Little did Louis know, that the last time Harvey logged in, probably close to five months ago, he had chosen to delete Louis off, mainly because of the cat memes and photos of his dead cat, Bruno, that were constantly smeared over his newsfeed. Louis hadn't long discovered Facebook and spent the first few months of its new existence to him letting all of his twenty seven friends know he was most certainly a cat lover. This bored Harvey, and gave him even more of an excuse not to log on.

'Umm,' he couldn't think of a sharp enough reply, so placed his phone down and let out an exasperated sigh, 'What do you want Louis?' So much for the seclusion of his office, he really should think about some sort of entry card system.

'Jessica has asked me to assign you three associates for the Davison case. She said the files were being sent over and discovery on them needed to be completed by Friday.'

'Mike and Rachel are on it,' Harvey retorted, 'I don't need more people to deal with today.'

'But Jessica said...' Louis was cut off by Harvey's change of tone and volume.

'Louis, I just Goddamn said I don't want any associates, now get the hell out of my office and tell Jessica to assign them to Paul Porter's case, he usually laps up the attention from above, I on the other hand, can sort things just fine. Now, out!'

Louis turned to go, not before saying his piece, 'I know what today is Harvey, and we all miss her. Yet some of us don't act like a total dick all day. She left because of you. And you'll always know that Harvey. She loved you, you know it and she did everything for you and what came if it? She lost her job, her friends and she left. She left the city. She left the States. You weren't the only person she left Harvey, so stop moping around thinking that the world has come to an end because you feel full of shitty guilt from what you did to her. I miss her, God, do I miss her. Every day I have to still look at you and remember you're why she's not Goddamn here anymore!' Louis' eyes had filled, Harvey swallowed knowing full well his fellow senior partner was right and he refused to look up and face him. Eye to eye.

Hiding his shame, he kept his eyes trained on the blank screen of his cell phone. He couldn't respond, he knew Louis was right, but would never give him the satisfaction of admitting that. Louis left his friend's office just as quickly as he had arrived.

XXXXXXXXXX

'How long have you been waiting?' she asked him as she stepped out on to the sidewalk. He remembered the strappy white dress she wore, on that warm spring day, it was imprinted on his mind, every freckle, every strand of hair that tousled down her face, it was there to stay. He closed his eyes and swivelled his chair out towards the city and let himself remember that day; something he hadn't done for a long while.

XXXXXXXXXX

'How long were you going to ignore my calls?'

'Last time I checked, you hadn't called.'

'I left you like ten voice mails in the last week.'

'Ahh, that's so weird. I seem to remember your assistant leaving me ten voice mails!'

'You know I don't know how to dial out, is it eight? Nine?'

'Do you know how to use your cell phone? Cause if I were your assistant I would have totally programmed my phone number into it. Oh wait, I did!' She clicked her fingers and began to walk away from him down the sidewalk. 'When I was your assistant!'

'Hey look, I'm an asshole.'

'Have you come to tell me things I already know?'

'No, I came here to see how your were doing.'

'You came to get me to do the trial run'

'Donna, it's important.'

'Yeah, important for me to get up there and say I screwed up trying to protect you?'

'You did screw up.'

'Yes. To protect you!'

'Which I never asked you to do.'

'No, you just expected me to do it! Like I expected you to fight for me!'

'I did.'

'Really? Like you fought for Mike, cause that fight you managed to win! Oh and when you thought he needed to be fired, you respected him enough to do it yourself!'

'Jessica insisted that she be the one to let you go.'

'And since when have you ever done anything Jessica wanted if it wasn't what you wanted too?'

'Donna, I need you there. I need you to tell them that I didn't do this.'

'I'm sorry, I can't. I've hired an attorney. If this thing goes to trial, I'm going to be taking the fifth, so if you need another Donna at the firm, just have anybody say I decline to answer because that's all you're gonna get out of me anyway.'

'Donna!'

'I decline to answer.'

'Really? ... Really?' he shouted after her down the street as she disappeared round the corner.

He didn't handle that well at all.

XXXXXXXXXXX

So many ways that conversation could have gone. So many things he could have said and done, but he didn't. He knew he stood there like an asshole asking for her to help him, yet again. He hadn't spoken to her for a week, he didn't know what to say. He knew Jessica only fired her to save him. Once all this shit was out of the way and the Coastal Motors case had gone, he was going to get her back. But for now, for her and him, she needed to be away from the firm. He failed her, and that was strike number one against not accepting that friend request.

He clicked his phone back on and tapped on her profile and opened her picture in a larger window. He smiled, for the first time that day. Only slightly, but for him, it was a smile. The slight corners of his mouth curled up as he felt a warmth wash over him as he saw her smile. It was a close up on almost half of her face. It was taken on a bright, sun filled day, the rays bouncing off her sunglasses and a genuine smile filled her light, freckled face. She hadn't changed. He absentmindedly swept his thumb over her face, exhaling a little as he recalled the events from later that day in the trial run.

XXXXXXXXXX

'Miss Paulsen, did Harvey Specter order you to shred that document?' Louis asked as he stood in front of Donna in PSL's law library, the home of their infamous mock trials.

'I decline to answer pursuing to my fifth amendment rights.'

'Did you put your date stamp on that document?'

'I decline to answer.'

Louis was out of words and patience, he crumpled up his questioning sheet and turned back towards the gallery.

'I'm not going to ask questions that you're just going to plead the fifth to, so...' he thought for a moment and sipped his water. Harvey's eyes darted between him and Donna, what was happening? He just wanted to go up to her. Put his arms around her. Thank her. Tell her. Protect her. Kiss her... His mouth went dry as Louis began again. This time sending everything into a world of shit. A world where nothing could ever be the same again.

'Had Harvey Specter have asked you to bury something five years ago, would you?'

'He wouldn't ask me to do that.'

'That's not what I asked. If he did, would you do it?'

Harvey felt her eyes plead towards him, he knew the answer to that question. He took her for granted, he knew that and he damn well didn't do anything about it.

'Ah, I see you're pausing, which means you're hiding something?'

'No, I'm not.'

'See, I think you'll do anything for him, and I know why.'

Shit. Harvey could see where this was going. He couldn't stop it, Louis had begun. Jessica noticed too.

'Is there a question?'

Louis took a deep breath. 'Do you love Harvey Specter?'

Shit.

'What?' His heart broke to hear her voice falter.

'Do you love him?'

'That has nothing to do with...'

'That has everything to do with...' he carries on his tirade, 'Why did your last boyfriend break up with you? Miss Paulsen, why did he end it with you?'

'He thought I prioritised my work over our relationship.'

'Your work? He asked you to choose between him and Harvey didn't he?'

Harvey felt the levels of bile rising in his body, if the room wasn't full of partners and associates right now, Louis would have been on the floor. It took him every ounce of strength and restraint in him to keep still in the chair, sat next to Jessica. Deep breathes rising in his chest he saw the pain and humiliation etch across Donna's face. There was no coming back from this.

'Yes.' Donna was still standing her ground against Louis. Resilient to the end.

'Who'd you choose?'

'Harvey.'

'Because you love him.'

He couldn't hold back anymore, 'Louis stop!' Harvey's voice surprisingly calm.

'It is not that simple.' Donna continued to explain.

'Do you love him? Yes or no? Answer the question.'

'Louis!' The angst in Harvey's voice growing.

'You're with him all the time. Your work revolves around him, your life revolves around him!'

'Objection! Badgering!' Jessica interrupted.

'You don't have a boyfriend, but the one you did have wouldn't share you with him!'

'Your Honour!' Jessica tried again to stop this.

'Please I just need a...' Donna tried to speak but Louis cut her off again...

'Do you love Harvey Specter?'

She went to open her mouth...

'Do you love Harvey Specter?'

At that point, Harvey remembered the rage that boiled in his chest as he leapt up out of his chair to put a stop to Louis' onslaught.

'That's enough!'

Donna caught his eye in that second, holding that brief moment between them. They both knew what the answer was, but even then, not one of them would dare say it.

He followed her straight to the elevator and the last image which now stays with him every night, is the doors sliding shut on her face. Her beautiful face with only hurt and disappointment sprawled all across it. All for him. He knew Louis wasn't to blame, to be fair, he would have been a lot tamer than Travis Tanner would have been on her. So he was at least thankful for that. And that was the last time he saw her.

XXXXXXXXXX

As he brought himself back around to the present, he slid his thumb back over her profile picture once more. Suddenly, without realising, his thumb had hit the like button. Shitting Facebook.