Part XL
"Rey," he tried to reach for her, much as he had in the beginning, when the bond opened again after Crait like she was a scared and wounded animal that would lash out and try to bite at the earliest opportunity.
Instead she dropped her bag and drew her saber, swinging it at him with a blood curdling cry. "You lying monster!"
On instinct, Ben also drew his saber and blocked her downward strike but made no move to engage her in combat. Before he could speak, she kicked him square in the chest and sent him toppling back onto the ground while his saber hilt chattered to the floor.
Like on Starkiller, she stood over him, given the option to end him once and for all and she held her blue spitting blade at his throat and he looked up at her with confusion, hurt…love…no it wasn't love, it was disappointment that he had been bested once more by her hand. "Surprised to see that I'm still alive, Kylo Ren?" Rey sneered through gritted teeth as his betrayal burned in her gaze.
Before she could deliver the killing blow, the bond cut out and he vanished out from under her and she produced a feral scream that shook the ground around her and she sent another curse out into the Force for denying her swift and apt retribution.
In that moment she decided to break the most binding promises she had ever made to him, more than her wedding vows that now tasted like acid on her tongue, more than her coronation declaration where she swore to be just and loving to her people and to her Emperor. Rey wanted him to feel the pain that she was feeling, she wanted him to suffer as she was suffering…
"Fuck the Force," she uttered one more time before digging deep and ripping out the part that connected her to every other living being.
Turning her back on the Force felt different this time because she wasn't just killing her connection to the Cosmos, she as also killing her connection to Ben. He had sent her holocrons about Force Bonds so that she could better understand what they had and all of the documents stated that these types of bonds were not easily severed.
It wasn't just flipping a switch, as these bonds are usually rooted deeply within emotions, within the trust and love formed by the two bond-mates. To dissolve the bond Rey had to abolish the feelings that held them together and in this unspeakable act Ben had made it easy on her.
Kill the past, indeed, Rey mused as she watched the base burn before her, the stench of fuel and charred flesh tainting her nostrils as all of the love in her heart for Ben Solo turned to hate for Kylo Ren. Her feelings morphed, twisted, steeped in the Darkness that she no longer had any control over, and she fell to her knees in agony as if she was being ripped in two.
By the end of it she felt empty, as if in her chest there was a gaping wound that would never heal. But she would carry this with her for the rest of her days, her own unseen crown of thorns to remind her of all the unspoken sins she committed against the people who had only ever tried to love her, give her a sense family, give her a place in this galaxy, the feeling of belonging that she thought she had found in another…in another life that she would now leave behind.
Digging her fingers into the scorched duracrete of the tarmac, Rey collected herself long enough to retrieve her bag and limp her broken body to the shuttle and get them off world before all the might of the New Order…no the First Order rained down upon Dantooine and erased every trace that the Resistance was ever there.
As they broke atmosphere, the Destroyer fired all of its cannons upon the surface and Rey watched the only home, that meant anything to her now, be turned into dust. All of the people she considered family, people she loved, were gone, and Rose wept inconsolably next to her, not even given the change to giver her husband a proper burial.
All the while Rey felt dead inside. She had lost her friends on both sides, never being able to trust the guards or Knights ever again, figuring they were all laughing at her naivety at this very moment. She had lost the man she thought she loved more than her own life, she lost the dream of a family, she lost the visions that the Force had danged before her, they all seemed almost mocking now. She was lost to the Force…and it felt like she had lost everything.
But the small blip of Light that still lingered in her was a reminder that, in fact, not all was lost.
99999999
Ben was furious.
It was four days before the treaty signing and he had been called out to Maker forsaken Savareen in the Outer Rim. Hux had taken back over control of the Finalizer and was tasked with make sure that the cartels toed the line. Savareen was known for its ties to the Red Dawn, and Hux had asked for the assistance of the Emperor and his Knights to manage a situation down on the surface.
In preparation, Ben had sent Arlan and Tyris on to the Serenity to make sure that Rey and the Resistance leadership were settling in nicely and reassured that the treaty signing would still happen, even if the Emperor was a little late to the party.
So after spending almost thirty hours locked in a fatiguing battle with the remnants of the Red Dawn, Ben was happy to be back aboard the Finalizer, striding into his throne room to debrief leadership and then head out across the galaxy to finally have peace.
Loving that the leadership of his military still shivered with fear when they saw him stalk into the room with his helm in place, Ben walked past them and sat upon his throne while all in attendance sank to one knee. Hux was a little slower these days with his prosthetics, but doctors reported that he was fit for duty again.
Ben sat up on the dais and wondered if he could catch a nap from behind his mask as his Knights regaled the falling of the largest cartel syndicate in the galaxy, but in a moment they all went quiet…all that were attuned to the Force that is.
"A disturbance," Alister remarked as he watched his Master sit forward on the throne.
When a stabbing pain, one like he had felt from the massacre on Mairne, racked through his chest, Ren was on his feet and striding to the middle of the throne room in a heart beat. Reaching out through the Force he could feel Rey, but her signature was different, swirled with rage and a Darkness that almost took his breath away.
The air started to shift and he knew that a bond was coming but was not prepared for the figure that would materialize before him. Rey looked wild, her hair was frayed but also matted down with something dark and the quick realization that it was blood came over him as he saw red pock marks sprayed across her face.
Her eyes were burning but with hate and not lust like he was so accustom to. She look more like the Rey that had faced down Snoke than his wife who sweetly begged him for release. With shaking hands, he reached up and released his mask, pulling the helm from his head and casting it to the floor without a second thought.
His only concerns was Rey and he quickly scanned her body for injury for she surely looked like she had undergone her own battle. His expression was purely painted with concern and bewilderment, with a dash of anger over anyone who dare to hurt his wife! He moved his mouth but hesitated for a moment, being in a room full of people, half of who had not idea of his connection to the Resistance Jedi, he didn't know if he should just speak or ask his men to leave the room.
Rey didn't give him a chance to make that decision as a painful scream was sent forth from her lungs, "You promised!"
Forcing his mind to work quickly, Ben tired to pour over all of the promises that he had ever made to Rey and which of those he could have unknowingly broken in such glorious fashion to prompt such a greeting. "Rey," he reached for her, attempting to reassure her and begging her through the bond to show him what happened.
"You lying monster!" She called back and he wasn't given the time needed to find his folly as she was drawing her saber and advancing on him, fire in her gaze and bared teeth, as she lifted her saberstaff above her head and he called his saber, igniting it and bringing it to a defensive block just as Rey brought her blue blade down upon him with a strength that made him have to widen his stance to absorb the hit.
Ben's face glowed purple under their crossed blades and he studied her again, desperate to understand why she was fighting him, but she pulled her trademark move, and kicked him in the middle of the chest, right where he had taken a hit from a blaster rifle just hours earlier, and he stumbled backward, almost positive that he had felt a rib snap under her forceful blow.
His saber clattered to the polished floor and he sat up on his elbows looking up at her, completely at her mercy as she held her saber at his throat. Ben was so reminded of laying in the snow on Starkiller with his face splayed open by the same kyber, when it was whole and hummed with the power of his grandfather. Now it spit plasma upon his skin with the backing of his wife's rage.
"Surprised to see that I'm still alive, Kylo Ren?" Rey sneered down at him and hitched back her elbow with the intent of removing his head and ending his now conflicted existence.
But before she could strike true, and while Ben was trying to comprehend her words, as if he would ever want to exist in a galaxy where she was not a living Force to be reckoned with, the bond cut short and she was gone from his sight.
It was what came next that ruined him. It was that same feeling of having a piece of himself carved out with a dull spoon. The ripping and bloody feeling of Rey closing herself off to the Force that had him screaming and bowing off the floor like he was being tortured by an invisible entity. His Knights sprung in to action and surrounded him for protection until their Master attempted to control his breathing.
Pulling at the Darkness, Ben fed the power with his pain and slowly sat up, taking in the faces of the men in the room. Most held expression of fear or concern…confusion at the strange display their Emperor had just put on…and then there was Hux.
"What have you done?" Ren's voice was hard and spittle shot from his lips at the force of his accusation.
Reaching across his body and wrapping his flesh and blood hand around his prosthetic, Hux rolled his should with the phantom pain of his missing right arm, "I did what you have failed to do for over a year while you bedded that Jedi whore."
Ren was now on his feet, calling his saber back to his hand and lighting the blade, it's tip positioned just under Hux's chin. "You don't speak of your Empress with such disdain."
"Empress," Hux scoffed. "Yet another title made up by a foolish boy with a laser sword." The General's face was hard, pressed into a permanent frown as he spoke through his teeth and let his pale eyes cut to the blade still pointed at him like it was a toy he could take away from a naughty child.
"I will only ask once more before I take what I need out of your head," Ren warned. "What have you done?"
Hux calmly brought up his robotic hand, pressing his finger to the saber blade and watched with a board expression as it cut through the metal digit, before the durasteel nub clinked to the floor. "After you so blatantly set me up to take the fall during what was to be your assassination, and you know," he now wiggled the remaining fingers on his right hand, "was blown to pieces…"
The General had the audacity to start to pace a few steps casually in each direction with the distinctive limp from his prosthetic leg, but the saber blade still followed his every move. "I must know, was it you who set up the attempt on your own life so that you could be rid of me and crown yourself Emperor, or was that truly the actions of your whore and her Resistance friends?"
"Call her that again and it will be the last word you ever utter."
"Apologies," Hux mocked. "Was the attack an operation of you and the Empress' design?"
"We had nothing to do with it."
"Ah, but she did warn you about the planned attempt on your life and you send me in your stead." Hux's orange brows were high on his forehead as he awaited a reply and when Kylo Ren offered none, Hux knew he had his answer.
With a smug nod, Hux started pacing again, much like he does on the bridge of his warship. "During my recovery from being shot out of the fucking sky!" Hux gave Ren a pointed gaze and his shrill but booming voice echoed off the throne room walls. But he pushed back his hair that had fallen out of place with his rant, "I had a lot of time to think, plan, and dig into this Empire that you seemed to have formed overnight.
"What a shock it was to find that you had been conspiring with a woman, putting her influence so deep into documents that it would take someone half bored and half mad to find them. Then the photos were covered up of you and this hooded woman popping up around the galaxy."
Hux rubbed at what used to be his thigh, but now was just a cluster of wires and rods, "Dinners on Noonar, picnics on Endor, presenting her to the Queen on Naboo, and my favorite little date was flying TIEs over Kuat." Hux held his hand over his heart in jest, as if he was swooning over his most beloved celebrity couple. But his eyes turn back hard and piercing, "Did you think you could hide your betrayal from me?" He yelled across the span of the saber blade.
"It wasn't any of your concern," Ren gritted out.
"What about the case you are building against me, Ren? The fact that you want to put me on trial for war crimes! Is that any of my business?"
"Both sides will answer for their crimes."
"Yes, your little treaty with the Resistance," Hux hummed and clasped his hands behind his back, still pacing. "Our Master would be so disappointed in you Ren. Always so weak…" he clicked his tongue in disapproval. "And to think, you knew exactly where the Resistance was hiding this entire time and did nothing about it. Allowing them to continue their attacks and pillage of our resources."
Stopping right in front of that man who had taken the throne from him by Force, Hux held his hard eyes with Ren's crazed gaze, "You are the traitor. It is you who have betrayed us all. It is you who is to blame for what I had to do to regain the power and glory of the First Order."
Ren adjusted his grip, the leather of his gloves creaked under the pressure of his hold on the hilt of his saber, but the blade held firm, throwing off sparks upon Hux's pale face as he almost transparent eyes held nothing but hollow hate and ambition.
"You are pathetic, feeble, and you murdered my Master, destroying everything my father before me, has worked for. And you did it for nothing more than a filthy scavenger with perky tits and a dripping cunt."
Ren saw red, rotating the blade of his saber, daring Hux to say any more…
The tenacious General took the bait, "You have ruined us all for a common, worthless Jakku whor…"
Hux was unable to finish the word that Ren had warned him against as Kylo flicked his wrist and threw his arm out in a sweeping motion that left Hux crumbling to his knees, well his body at least, as his still sneering head fell with a sickening thud on the throne room floor.
Roaring out his still lingering pain, Ren beat on his chest, assaulting his cracked ribs to ground himself in the physical pain of the moment. Like on Starkiller, when he had been so emotionally wrecked by the deed of killing his own father, he drew strength from physical pain. The hole that Rey left in his chest was far greater than the one inflicted by his father, and Kylo struggled to breath.
Turning to his Knights he spoke, "Interrogate them all," he pointed his saber at the other leadership in the room. "Kill those who had any hand in this plot to overthrow the Empire and kill our Empress."
A Major was already on his knees begging for mercy, but Kylo Ren was not a man of leniency, that would be a grace possessed by the Empress and they had taken her from him. They would pay for their insolence and he smirked as Cale ran the Major through without a second consideration.
"Ready my ship," he called as he swept from the room in a flurry of leather boots, whipping cape, and battle-worn dark locks.
Before he could take two paces into the hallway, he was rewarded with the snapping buzz of sabers and terrified screams of the Officers meeting their end at the hands of his Knights, and he walked on with renewed purpose.
Within ten minutes they were on the MK3 shuttle and racing away from the Finalizer and towards Dantooine. He left his forth Knight, Lophen and Davin in charge of the ship to ensure that they were not able to do any more damage to his Empire and sent a cease-comm to the Imperial I-class Star Destroyer, the Executioner, who, while aptly named, led the attack on the Resistance base.
Ben needed to see Hux's betrayal for his own eyes and if Rey was still there by some charity of the Force, then he could explain everything to her and they would be fine…Right? He thought to himself. They would make it through this, they had to make it through this. He had begged her so many times to never doubt their love. He needed to see what had caused her so much pain that she would turn herself off to the Force again.
His gut dropped at the thought of her not being on Dantooine and he put out a call to Arlan on the Serenity to attempt communication with Rey's shuttle, her datapad…anything since his direct line to her was pulled painfully tight and utterly quiet.
As Jix and Bona tried to patch him up from their battle with the Red Dawn, he pushed at them as they injected him with pain killers and sprayed bacta into his wounds. He didn't care about more scars, as the most life-threatening wound was one that couldn't be seen and he almost needed the pain as a distraction.
Thinking back to their conversation over Er'kit, how he had made her memorize the coordinates for his grandfather's stronghold, he ordered a comm be sent to the Finalizer that Davin would fly to Mustafar and wait for further instructions. Even though at the time Ben had told her not to trust anyone, he prayed that she would trust Davin should she seek sanctuary on the volcanic world.
It would take hours for them to get from sector Q16 to L4, and he had to give Hux credit for getting his adversary far enough away from the fight that even if Ren learned of the attack plan, he never would have reached them in time to make a difference.
Lastly he sent a message to his cousin Irris, pleading with her to comm him if Rey was to turn up on Naboo. Even if his wife showed up ranting about what a monstrous murdering dick he was, how he had lied, and betrayed their vows, to each other and in the Force, he requested that the Queen keep Rey safe until he could get there to console her and grovel at her feet until she believed in them again.
Feeling like a caged animal and pacing the length of the Command Shuttle, Alister came up and placed his hand on his Master's shoulder. "Why don't you go try to meditate for a while."
Ben shrugged off his friend's touch and shot him a discrediting look, "How the hell am I suppose to meditate at a time like this?"
Alister just shrugged, always the cooler head of the two, "You are no good to us like this. You will be no good for her like this."
With an exhausted exhale Ben let his shoulders fall, "When did you become the wise one?"
"Comes with old age I suspect."
Surprisingly Ben puffed out a snort as his first Knight was just slightly older than himself and for the first time in many years, Ben was starting to feel his age. Rey had made him feel young again, brought vitality back to his bloodstream, and without her Light shining through their bond, he felt as if his body was heavier, more sluggish, and begrudgingly he took his Knight's advice.
Their quarters smelled like her, fresh lavender and rose oil, and he wanted to curl up on their bed and weep, but he needed to center himself before either comforting her or enacting a full out search of the galaxy for her.
Pulling off the gloves that were stained with Hux's blood, he slumped to the ground, sitting cross-legged and attempted to relax his mind and body into the Force. When he closed his eyes, flashing of Rey danced behind his lids. Her smiling face as she sat astride him on the terrace of their apartment, her hungry lips kissing down his chest, her unwavering beauty in navy silk on the steps of the palace in Theed. He was amazed how much she had changed him in such a short period of time.
It had taken Snoke years to turn Ben's heart and the betrayal of his uncle to be the true catalysis of his downfall into Darkness. But Rey had swept into his life like a beautiful but terrifying tornado of passion and spitfire, and he was helpless but to fall into her trance.
His brows pricked together at how easily she had doubted him though, and the hole in his chest seemed to widen. She knew his deepest traumas, how his parents and his uncle had assumed his path was already made, with the Skywalker blood, the Vader blood in his veins, that Ben was only destine for Darkness. She had promised him, between heated skin and deep kisses, that they were not the sins of their blood, so in this she had broken yet another vow to him.
Ben wasn't ignorant to the fact that at some point in their marriage he would royally send her off the deep end with some half-brained decision or being perceived as misogynistic when his intent was chivalry. He knew that he would screw up, he was his father's son after all, but she would never not know his all-consuming love and devotion to her. He wouldn't leave her like her parents had and like Han had left his mother. He would always come back to her…
But this time she had left him, completely cutting all ties. He could only hope that once she cooled off, she would reopen the bond and he would be able to find her. For the first time he cursed that he had not at least placed one tracker on the shuttle he gifted her on Mygeeto.
Finally fixing his posture and trying again to do as Alister suggested, Ben attempted to clear his mind and trust in the Force, for it would not bring them this far just for their story to end here.
Pain…he felt pain, maybe his own, perhaps Rey's, it was all-encompassing.
Reaching out further, Ben almost felt like he got a glimpse of her, but sifting through trillions of life forces was like trying to find one molecule of water in the oceans of Ahch-To. And in classic Rey fashion, she was the one speck of water that didn't want to be found.
Ben huffed out in frustration but felt a prickle at the back of his head and excitedly his eyes shot open, "Oh, it's just you."
"Always such pleasant greetings for your mother."
"I'm a little busy," Ben shot back only half apologetically.
Now Leia had the courtesy to look as pained as her son felt, "I know…we all know."
He sighed at the knowledge that his whole family once again held witness to the biggest pitfalls of his life. Through the Force he could tell his spunky mother was just itching to say 'I told you so,' but he beat her to it, "You could have just told me to fucking kill Hux, you know."
Leia snorted at her son, missing this part of their relationship. When he had reached adulthood he was even more of a challenge, having no patience for double talk or the tongue in cheek ways of the Senate, and his solutions had always favored action over diplomacy. "That's not how the Force works, son."
Maybe it was being around his mother. again, or being awake for almost two days straight, but Ben was becoming slaphappy and pouted like he was a toddler, "Well the Force is kind of being a dick right now…"
"Now you really sound like Rey," Leia mused but then her expression slipped into sadness as she saw her poor boy fall apart at the mention of his bride.
"Help me, mother." He pleaded, having not asked anything of her in decades, "Help me find her."
Tears brimmed the old woman's eyes and now she also wanted to curse the Force and the philosophical gag order the other side placed on particular topics or future events. "I want to Benny, I do…"
"But you can't," his resolve was slipping and the Darkness started to brim within him again.
Looking somewhere between pained and pissed, Leia thought for a long moment before becoming determined. "Listen to me Ben…and this time, really listen." She cut him what could only be described as a 'mom look' and she softened again when he nodded and sat up straighter at attention. She wanted to giggle at the thought that her boy was, all ears, but she surpassed that joke for the dinner table later with the rest of the family.
"If you only search for something that is just hers, you will not be able to find her."
Ben's brows pinched together, "If I'm not looking for her, then…"
Leia waved her hands trying to get him to focus again, "She has turned herself off to the Force completely, we can't even feel her, but she has something with her that holds both of your signatures."
He thought for a long moment before his face lit up, "The kybers. The one from my saber and also from Mygeeto. I embedded my signature into them."
Bitting her tongue, Leia just nodded, but truthfully she had been driving Han crazy for weeks about finally becoming a grandmother, but that tidbit was not her's to tell and it was also one of the forbidden topics to pass from the beyond into the present. So she just reached out and touched his unscarred cheek again, "Look to the galaxy for a piece of yourself. It will be faint but it will grow stronger with time."
Instead of shying away from his mother's touch, he leaned into it and brought his palm up to cover the back of her hand, his wedding band clicking against the ring she wore on her right hand, the twin stones caught in an infinity of gold, representation of the connection between Luke and Leia, linked forever in the Force.
"Promise me something Ben," Leia's voice was just above a whisper.
He snorted, "Haven't you heard? I'm a lying monster who breaks promises…"
Leia sighed, "Two things then…" She met his saddened gaze, "Don't lose yourself to the Darkness again, even through this, know that your Light is still out there." She stroked his cheek with her thumb, "Don't be so hard on yourself. Keep being the man we know you can be, the man that Rey can come home to." She wiped at the tears rolling down his face, "And when she does come back, don't be too hard on her either."
Sniffling, his voice was thick, "That was three things and I think you mean if she comes back…"
"When," Leia corrected him before leaning in and placing a kiss to her son's forehead. "Just continue to be the Light that will guide her home."
His mother faded back into the Force and a heaving sob racked his fatigued and battered body, but as he felt the ship pull from hyperspace he took a few calming breaths, wiped the back of his sleeves across his eyes roughly, and stood. Collecting his saber and his senses, Ben prepared himself to face his greatest folly yet, his own unspoken betrayal.
This Is Not Goodbye. This Is Until Next Time.
AN: I'm not even sure what to say here. This was a one shot that got a little out of hand and I have love every moment of it with all of you. To anyone who has ever had to say goodbye to a well-loved friend, that is what I feel like right now with the end of this part of this saga.
I want to thank each and every one of you for reading and supporting my overactive imagination. Your kind, thoughtful, and at times constructive words have pushed me to do better and I hope I have not let any of your down.
Please be on the look out for the next installment of this story because Maker knows I can't leave them (and you) like this. If you follow this story, I may post a chapter 41 announcing the start of the next Episode when I start to publish it.
In the mean time, please go support my other Reylo stories and I'm a sucker for comments so keep them coming to keep my fingers typing.
A special shout out to my Muse, Jennie, who puts up with my crazy ideas and keeps me on track.
xo - DangerTaylor