Halloween Heartbreak

Late Saturday afternoon, well after she watched the other students reach or even leave the Great Hall on the Marauder's Map, Siria chatted with Myrtle. In all the time Siria knew Myrtle, she'd never looked less gloomy. Myrtle even smiled.

"When will the next one be?" Myrtle asked when Siria rose to leave. Siria wondered.

"Soon, I hope. Angelina's been crazy with Quidditch practice— not that I mind," Siria said. "Maybe Monday or Tuesday?" She pulled her bag over her shoulder. "See you then?"

"I suppose you might," Myrtle said, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face.

Siria peered out the door then headed toward the Great Hall. For a moment, all of Siria's mistakes crashed down on her: the voice only earplugs were in, she didn't check the Map before she left, her wand was in her jacket, and she was alone. An arm barred her to the wall. The other pointed a wand at her.

"I want in, Potter-Black," Draco Malfoy said. Siria glared under the rim of her glasses at him. "Your club or secret lessons— whatever." His leaned against the arm that barred her.

"What're you talking about?" Siria asked. Her voice was strained. He took a half step back, but kept her pinned and the target of his pointed wand.

"You're up to something in there Potter-Black, you all disappear to somewhere," he said.

"Malfoy, did you go into a girl's toilet? A prefect, my word" Siria smiled.

"Just," Malfoy let go and stepped back. She eyed him then the nook. Siria wanted to push him down and sprint away, or else jump out of the window. Neither seemed practical. He put his wand in his pocket and traded it for what looked like a weed.

The ground crumbled beneath Siria's feet. Her throat constricted. Somehow, in it all, she extended her hand. Malfoy put the thin, tall green stalk of yellow orange flowers in her grasp.

"It's for encouragement," his usual smug, drawl of a voice was quiet and short. Siria gazed from the flower to him.

"Is it now?" she asked, her voice too strained for the casual tone she wanted. Siria knew exactly what it was for. Goldenrods were the only flower she knew the meaning of. "Did it make it easier to ambush me in the corridor and knock me into a wall?"

"I want to join," he said.

"You can't have everything you want" Siria said and stuffed the goldenrod into his chest. "Keep your encouragement," she said as his hand closed around it. The other grabbed her wrist.

"Malfoy, if I were leading underground lessons, you'd be the last person invited," Siria told him. He tightened his grip. "You're the last one who'd need them." The goldenrod fell to the floor when she tried to pull away.

"You have a week to let me or I'll tell Umbridge," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"Go right ahead," she rose her arm to strike him, but Malfoy let go. He stepped away, arms raised.

"One week, Potter-Black."

"I won't change my mind!"

"We'll see."

The neon earplugs mocked Siria as they landed only a few feet from her. She screamed into the room and stormed into her trunk. Siria bellowed into the Potion room. Her impulse was to throw the cauldrons of unknown Potion. She even reached for one, but stopped.

"Her— Hermione," Siria told herself. She stepped away from the Potions. Her hands opened and closed around the air. "Ron, Transfiguration, the DA, Lily Moon, Dad, Kreacher, movie night" Siria listed. She crumbled in the corner of the room. Pampered, pureblood, Draco Malfoy gave her the box before the first task— the ribbon she wore in her hair thinking someone sweet wanted to silently support her. The box was familiar because he shared sweet boxes with her, for that short time they had been "friends". He sent the goldenrod when she was alone. His writing was clearer, smaller, but the sharpness— the card flashed in her mind. How could she not have recognized the writing? Or the scent? They were apple. It was all apple.

"There you—" Hermione's voice started, but stopped. She thundered down the stairs to Siria's side. "Siria!" She pulled Siria's face up and in her hands. "Oh, P.B., what happened?" Hermione used her thumb to wipe at the smudged mulberry eyeliner under Siria's eyes.

"Malfoy knows," Siria said, "about the lessons."

"But, but we had a fake you or Cassius in the library or in the common room— why hasn't he told Umbridge?" Hermione asked.

"He wants to join," Siria let her head fall back to her knees. "It's my fault. When Lily Moon agreed to reschedule, I bumped into Malfoy and told him I thought we could be friends."

"Oh," Hermione hugged Siria's arm. She cuddled up to Siria's side and rested her head on Siria's shoulder.

They were warm and silent for a moment. She signed, but explained the box of candies, the goldenrod, and the box for her birthday were from Malfoy. It didn't make sense. He was so confrontational in person. Malfoy brought an old Daily Prophet on the train to mock her, even after she called it garbage.

"Well, I thought he liked you," Hermione said. "Don't look so surprised. I'm not saying he's going about showing it right, but he certainly tried to ask you to the Yule Ball."

"No. He didn't," Siria argued.

"He did, but you were too focused on Krum asking me," she said. Hermione rubbed Siria's arm. "And he's always looking your way in the Great Hall. He was livid when Cassius sat in your line of sight the first time."

"It doesn't matter if he likes me— I like Lily Moon and he called you that," snapped Siria.

"He hasn't since," Hermione said in a very quiet voice.

"Because I'd knock his teeth out," Siria grumbled. She nuzzled her head on Hermione's arm.

"Malfoy is aware enough of you to notice which is the real you," said Hermione. "Even with Lavender as a Polyjuice you in the library with me, Malfoy cornered the real you. He'll know if we continue, even if we have five Sirias running around."

Siria held her head in her hands. "Mudblood" echoed through her mind, in Malfoy's voice. The sneer on his pale, pointed face. His glare in the hospital wing after their fight. He had not said the word since, in Siria's presence at least, but it didn't mean he left it unsaid.

Did she, Siria Potter-Black, the Girl Who Lived, the elected leader of Dumbledore's Army help him— Draco Malfoy, son of known Death Eater, bully, blood purest snob, elitist? "Dudley changed," a voice inside her argued. Siria held the whistle Dudley sent her. "I'm don't know if there's a way taught in your school, but I want to help," he wrote her. If Dudley Dursley, son of Magic-Hating Vernon, bully, could change, why not Draco Malfoy?

Fog covered the Hogwarts grounds, even as Siria and Fay finished their morning run. Fay patted her face with her shirt. She hid behind Siria's shoulder. Siria searched around, but only saw Lily Moon and Terry Boot, on the steps of the castle. She waved. Fay pulled on Siria's arm.

"I'm all sweaty," Fay whispered into Siria's ear. "It's gross."

"Who are you? Lavender?" Siria teased. She puckered her lips. Fay pushed Siria's face away, and Siria laughed.

"Potter-Black, who wants to date a sweaty girl?" Fay snapped.

"Um, Moon, but she's taken," Siria grinned until Fay kicked her square in the shin. She threw an arm around Fay and marched toward the castle.

"Hello, Lovely Lily Moon and Terry Boot," Siria smiled.

"She's lovely and I'm just Terry?" Terry Boot asked. Moon rolled her eyes and handed Siria the clean towel.

"Sorry, Terry, not my type," Siria laughed. She linked fingers with Lily Moon, pecked her on the cheek, and waved to Fay. "See you two." Lily Moon smiled over her shoulder at Fay and Terry, as she and Siria walked up the stairs.

"Yesterday's poem was really sweet," Lily told Siria. "Though, I don't think you actually meant I'm 'cute as mutton'."

"Mutton is sheep though, you know, they're all soft and fluffy and cute," Siria defended. She mimed petting a palm sized sheep. Lily Moon laughed. "I was trying to be cute," Siria added. Lily shook her head against Siria's arm, but smiled as they walked.

"It was very cute," Lily assured her. Siria glanced over her head, then ducked to kiss her.

"You're very cute," Siria whispered. She cleared her throat and rose to almost full height.

"Personally," Lily paused, "I think you're cute, and at your cutest when you stand tall." she squeezed Siria's hand and looked to it. "Like when you're leading class, or next to Ron, or next to anyone else, really…" Lily Moon paused. She followed Siria's line of sight to see someone drift around the corner.

"Yeah, thanks," Siria muttered. "Moon, I'll see you at breakfast, okay?"

"Yeah," she muttered and let go of Siria's hand. "See you," she raised her hand to wave.

Normally, Siria turned to give Lily Moon such a large smile, her eyes disappeared in it. Sometimes she made a show of blowing a huge kiss. Once, Siria looked through a heart made of her hands and laughed. Colin Creevey managed to get a photo, which was pinned to the box Lily Moon kept Siria's poems and letters in.

Today, Siria dashed ahead and out of sight. Lily Moon's fingers folded down, in a silent wave to the empty hall. Was it something she said? Should she have picked a better place? A better line? "At your cutests when you stand tall," Lily Moon groaned at her own line.

"In front of my girlfriend," Siria hissed. She yanked Malfoy's arm so fiercely he stumbled. Siria ripped him back up. "What if she saw?"

"Attacking a prefect, Potter-Black?" Malfoy asked cooly.

"Says the person who threatened me," Siria said through her clenched teeth. Malfoy tugged his arm from her grasp.

"For the record, Hermione— the person you called a 'Mudblood'— has championed for you. You will not be practicing with the others." Malfoy looked slapped.

"I'm in?" He asked, his voice soft in tone and alert.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Siria scowled. "There are conditions, starting with the fact no one will ever hear you say that word again."

"Done, but—"

"We'll go over the rest later," Siria said. "I've got to shower and meet Moon," she shook her head at her watch as she walked away.

"Merlin's beard," Malfoy whispered in awe.

In an empty classroom, Lily Moon and Siria listened to the rain and wind rattle the window. Siria was curved over her desk. She held Moon's hand and added to her Transfiguration homework. Lily Moon glanced from her Potion's essay to Siria's hunched over back, to her drooped head, and sighed.

"Maybe you could sit up," Lily Moon strained a smile, "I don't think it's good for your back to be like that."

"I'm fine," Siria said at her parchment.

"I heard about this exercise, where you say two nice things about your partner and one nice thing about yourself," she said, "do you want to try it?"

"Sure," Siria agreed. "You're 'cute as mutton'," Siria grinned, "really though, you're super considerate. I mean, you wait for me when I run and have practice, and don't mind our dates are like this thanks to the DA— you don't mind, right?" Siria glanced up.

"I like our study dates and little walks," Lily Moon smiled, and Siria missed the furrow of her brows.

"You're absolutely adorable, pocket sized cuteness. You know, you're actually feminine," Siria said in a way that implied Siria was not. Lily Moon bit her lips and waited.

"What about you?" Lily Moon asked. "What's something you like about yourself?"

"Suppose I'm okay at Defense Against the Dark Arts," Siria said with an air of selecting something that she had too. "Oh, your freckles are adorable too," Siria added. "They fall under being 'cute as mutton'. I really like them; they're like adorable little constellations."

"Personally, I think you're very patient," Lily Moon started. Siria barked out a short laugh. "Sure, you've a bit of a temper, but you're very patient— especially with the DA. Smith gives you so much cheek, but you just snap at him once then help him. You don't call people out on what they're doing wrong, you just show them how to do it right or else get as close as you can to tell them quietly. Even though there's so many people, you give them your time.

"There's a lot, but I think you're really tall," Moon said, a little louder. Siria's head curled closer to her page. "I think it's really nice that you're so tall," her eyes blinked furiously to keep her tears in as she watched Siria hunch lower to her desk. "Because you're so tall, you can grab things for shorter people. I can find you in the Great Hall, or the corridors, especially when you're next to Ron. You two might be the tallest in our year."

"I get it," Siria snapped.

"Odd as it sounds, I really like you and I like how much I like you," Lily Moon confessed. "I didn't know I could like someone so much and I certainly didn't think anyone would like me, the messy—"

"It's cute when you get ink on you," Siria interrupted, "it shows how into things you get."

"Short," Lily Moon continued, but was interrupted again.

"You're the perfect size."

"Fat."

"You aren't fat," Siria snapped and looked up. "Why're…" she startled at the tears that fell from Lily Moon's eyes. "Moon..."

"I know what I am, Siria. I'm also very happy with who I am. Even if I'm not the type of beauty on a magazine, I like myself, but it's really hard to with you sometimes. You build me up into something I'm not and take yourself down a peg half the time," Lily shuddered. Her teeth chattered as she tried to continue.

"I was trying to be humble," Siria lied. "Lily, I really like you," she could feel, with the hands around her throat, what was coming.

Silent tears screamed down Lily's face. When she let go of Siria's hand it let out a howl of heartbreak. Her throat collapsed beneath the weight against it. Words wouldn't come out. Lily's beautiful brown eyes, their flecks of sunlight yellow magnified by the tears that remained, screeched closed. The curtain on their relationship fell, in the cold, empty classroom, where Lily Moon walked away.

"You look terrible," Ron told Siria, as she sat beside them at lunch. Siria shoveled on food until her plate mirrored Ron's. "Ah, me too," he smiled at the food. She rubbed at her prickling forehead.

"Lily Moon dumped me," Siria said while she shoved food down, not caring what it was.

"Wha—" Ron sputtered food back onto his plate. "D—" he stopped himself and dropped his voice to barely a whisper, "dumped you?" Siria nodded, but did not look up from her plate. "Well," Ron glanced around for Hermione, but didn't see her. He patted Siria on the back. "You could do better, mate. She's not that pretty."

"She's very pretty," Siria inhaled another dinner roll. "It's me," Siria stabbed at a piece of steak, "I'm not pretty."

"No, Siria, you're… really pretty," he patted her back.

"Hitting on your best mate," Fred shook his head and took the seat across from them. "Merlin—"

"You look amazing," George lied. Siria glared over the rim of her classes at him.

"No," Fred winced at her, "you look terrible."

"Too much time with Myrtle," George reasoned.

"I got dumped," Siria skewered a carrot slice.

"On Halloween?" Fred asked.

"That's not a good laugh," said George.

"Halloween?" Siria glanced around, at the massive jack-o-lanterns and dancing bats. She groaned and leaned against Ron. "I have the first one tonight and Lily Moon dumped me, but says she still likes me."

"What?" Ron asked. "Then why'd she dump you?"

"I dunno," Siria sighed, "because I'm tall or something."

"That's rubbish. If she really liked you, then she wouldn't've dumped you," said Ron.

"Yeah?" Siria asked.

"Are you sure it's because you're tall?" George asked. He paused in the middle of taking another roll.

"Because you're really not that tall," said Fred.

"Taller than either of you," Siria noted and shoveled more food down.

"Siria, we're not tall," said Fred.

"Even if we were, even if you were, it wouldn't matter," said George.

"I like being taller than you all," Ron grinned.

As Hermione ate lunch early, she was in the Gryffindor common room when the others arrived. Siria sat at Hermione's feet, swept Crookshanks into her own lap, and put her head in Hermione's. She recounted the bits she remembered. Hermione stroked Siria's hair in silence.

"Obviously, she doesn't really like Siria anymore, right?" Ron prompted Hermione. She clicked her tongue at him. Siria rubbed her head against Hermione's knee. The pressure made it ache less.

"No," Hermione said. "Lily Moon likes Siria a lot, actually. You two haven't noticed, but Siria, you used to stand or march around perfectly proud you're tall, with your head cocked up a little to be even taller some times. It was rather like Sirius, really," Hermione confessed.

"Though, I didn't notice until a couple weeks ago, you don't anymore," Hermione explained. "You've kind of been leaning, almost, to make yourself smaller. And there's how you hunch over your desk these days, when you used to sit up and only sit up taller. I wrote to Chloe about what to do, but haven't gotten a reply yet."

"I haven't been 'making myself smaller'," Siria told Hermione. She sat up and glared at Hermione.

"You have felt shorter lately," Ron squinted at Siria.

"Think of how Lily must feel right now. She's worried you won't get it and you'll think it's because you're tall, not because of how you feel about being tall. She'll be broken hearted for breaking things off. She'll probably even be furious with herself for ending it."

"No, she won't," said Ron. "No one could be all that— they'd explode." (B5, 459)

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all do," Hermione snapped (B5, 459).

"Well…" Siria clicked her tongue. She got up to sit in the armchair beside Ron. From there, she had a perfect view of Fred and George showing off their Skiving Snackboxes: Fainting Fancies, Fever Fudge, Nosebleed Nougats, and Puking Pastilles. It twisted Siria's stomach. Cassius and she funded the twins, but Colin's pale, bloody face swept over her each time one of the twins showed off the Nosebleed Nougat. [B5, 368]

"If it helps, Diggory got dumped," Ron said and patted Siria's shoulder. "If someone that handsome can get dumped fifty times by the same girl, you'll be fine."

"Maybe I'll date Diggory," Siria chuckled.

"He is taller," Ron grinned and waved an arm over his head. "You know, I think I got a Chocolate Frog leftover, from Sirius's last care package, if you want it?"

"You'd give me your last Chocolate Frog?" Siria asked. Ron shrugged and rose, but Siria took his arm and pulled him back into his chair. "Really, I think I'll be okay."

"You sure?" Ron asked. He was leaned forward, ready to bolt up the stairs. Siria nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks, mate."