I'd like to express my gratitude to all those who have given this story a chance, thanks for your likes, comments, kudos and reblogs. It means the world to me.

Thanks, as always, to my beta, Amy, for doing her magic and to my artist, Kate. Don't forget to visit her blog and enjoy her amazing art. The picset that accompanies this chapter gathers a special moment between Killian and Emma on New Year's Eve.

Sara, thank you for everything.

Christmas has come to Storybrooke! After witnessing some resolutions of the new year, we will advance a little in time, until we reach the end of the course. We will also discover how Killian deals with the burden of guilt and regret. Will he be able to handle it?

CHAPTER 8

My dearest Emma,

Today should be a day of celebration since you turn ten! I certainly hope that wherever you are, your parents have organized a great party in your honor. Sadly, I don't have the necessary strength today to pretend that everything is perfect and wonderful, because it's not. It's far from it, in fact.

Mary Margaret keeps telling me that I should stop torturing myself, but the truth is that I can't help thinking about everything we have already missed with you. You probably already know how to swim, ride a bike, have gone camping, maybe you already know another language... And we haven't been there to help you or to be witnesses to your milestones. Sometimes I believe that having you always in my thoughts is a way of inflicting punishment on myself for not being brave enough to fight for you.

I wonder if your parents have already told you that you are an adopted child or if they have never considered telling you. I sincerely hope that they'll tell you the truth at some point, although I'm aware that it's my selfish side speaking now. The one who fervently wishes that, when you know the truth and become a grown woman, you will decide to look for your origins - even if it's simply to get answers to the infinite questions that you may have set out. I hope to be prepared to face that moment with enough integrity and not disappoint you even more.

You know - life sometimes seems to laugh at us with its irony. A little less than a year ago another child, only a few years older than you, came into our lives. He only has his older brother, who has also become a close friend of mine, and from the moment we met him, we felt a pull towards him as if our parental instinct had found a source to develop.

Killian, that's his name. Seeing that child so full of life, with a promising future ahead makes me happy on the one hand, but also makes the claws of guilt dig their way straight to my heart. Because it should be you and not him. But, sometimes life gives us a second chance in the most unexpected way, and helping Liam to raise his brother is our opportunity to be as close to parents as possible. And who knows? Maybe in the future, you and he will get to know each other and become good friends.

It's what the world of dreams and wishes offer us. It makes us achieve the impossible even for a few seconds. And my only wish will always be to meet you one day, my dear Emma, and finally be able to hold you in my arms for the first time.

Until then, I'm content to continue dreaming. Be happy, Emma.

Your father who loves you and never forgets you,

David.

Emma Swan. Boston, Two Years ago

Only five more minutes and the year will have ended, giving way to a promising new year, full of new resolutions. Emma let out a humorless laugh, wallowing in misery. Fuck the resolutions! Fuck the new year devoid of emotion! All would be waiting for her five minutes later was the same pathetic and lonely life of previous years.

Okay, maybe she was a little drunk, she thought as she settled on the couch and wrapped herself in her favorite blanket, holding a half-empty glass of wine in her hand. But since she didn't have to give any explanation to anyone, she could celebrate the new year as she pleased, right?

After all, she didn't usually allow herself to sink into this escalation of self-loathing thoughts. No, she was pretty good at locking everything that hurt her in the depths of her soul, keeping her facade as a tough girl, with her mask of coldness and indifference.

But the alcohol in her system was doing its job, loosening her thoughts and making her feelings run wild. Yeah, this was her pathetic life, witnessing through television the happiness of others while she remained locked in her apartment, no one at her side to make a toast with, the four walls of her living room the only witnesses of her New Year's resolutions.

The five minutes that separated her from the year 2016 flew by and suddenly, her living room was filled with cheers, shouts of joy and fireworks sounds.

"Happy New Year to me," she muttered, a half smile pulling at her lips as she raised her glass slightly and pointed toward the television. A tiny flame - just a fragment - was still burning in her heart, its wick so faint that it threatened to blow out at any moment, but her little hope still remained there, still stoic despite all the tribulations around her. Her sole resolution this time would be to keep that flame burning. Maybe something good was waiting for her this coming year - finally.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - December 31, 2017

The Christmas festivities weren't being as terrible as Emma had feared. True, she had politely rejected all the invitations received to celebrate that special night, but at least she had received invitations this year, which was already a clear improvement over previous years.

Each invitation had touched her heart in its own way. The first to arrive had been the one from Killian and the Nolans. The fact that two people she barely knew had thought of her for that family dinner had affected her in an unexpected way, though she suspected that Killian had had a lot to do with that invitation.

Then came the one from Henry and Regina, something that didn't surprise her too much since, despite Regina's haughtiness, she had already invited her the previous year when she had only known her for a couple of months. On this occasion, she was sure that the kind and unselfish Henry was the one behind the invite. How much did she love that boy!

But undoubtedly, the invitation that had surprised her the most was the one from the Arendelle sisters who, apparently, had become fond of her and welcomed her under their wings. She had appreciated the gesture profusely, clearly touched by their kindness.

She had her own reasons to reject all those invitations, though. These festivities actually meant family reunions, sharing memories and creating new ones. And she would have felt like an intruder experiencing for a moment a mirage of familiarity that didn't belong to her.

But she hadn't spent the season's festivities alone. She had celebrated Christmas just like the year before, at Granny's. Yes, Ruby and her grandmother also shared family ties, obviously, but the place chosen to celebrate it was the diner itself, a neutral place. And she hadn't been the only " intruder " but rather other lonely souls had joined them. Maybe they would not share old memories, but at least they could build new ones.

She had another incentive to enjoy the festivities. Her extra classes with Killian hadn't suffered any hiatus. On the contrary, instead of seeing each other only on Tuesday, they spent much of their respective free time meeting each other. She still had a lot to learn and there was a lot to be photographed at Christmas. At least that's how she convinced herself, although the excuses were becoming less necessary, to be honest.

On New Year's Eve, Emma woke up with a festive spirit unknown to her until now. Unlike on Christmas day, she was looking forward to the night and with it the celebration, the party and good wishes for the following year.

Granny, bless her, had offered herself again as hostess, but this time not only the lonely souls would come. The party was open to all those who wanted to attend and that would mean that she would be able to share the last seconds of the year with the people closest to her - and especially with Killian.

That spirit and her good mood did not diminish as the hours passed, rather intensifying to the point of her almost bouncing with excitement as she prepared herself for the event.

Before leaving the apartment, she took one last look at her reflection in the mirror while a thought crossed her mind. She remembered at that moment how she had spent New Year's Eve only two years ago, alone in her apartment with hardly any expectation of a future. And now, she was about to meet with a handful of people who, in one way or another, cared about her. And not only that, before her, a future full of possibilities opened up, the flame of hope reflected in the brightness of her eyes, burning powerful in her heart.

When she entered the diner, her gaze traveled through all the guests until she found her target. Her breath caught in her throat the moment her eyes met Killian's. Maybe the reason was the shock of seeing him dressed in a suit, or maybe the fact that the color of his button-down shirt matched his eyes, or that the bastard had left the top buttons unbuttoned, revealing a glimpse of his chest hair.

At least she was not the only one affected, she thought as she forced herself to close her mouth and school her features. Killian looked equally impressed, following all her movements intently as he brushed his thumb over his lower lip in a way perhaps too sinful. She wasn't going to deny that she had done her best with her attire, putting on a tight red dress, suggestive enough to catch looks in her wake, but not to the point of being vulgar. Surprisingly Ruby had been a great help with the clothing choice, at least if she considered Killian's reaction.

From that moment on, he remained glued to her throughout the night, although she wasn't going to be the one to complain, of course. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, there was delicious food, relaxed chats, lots, lots of fun and like a million photos taken. All her classmates were there and it seemed that Killian's teachings had touched all them deeply since everyone, in turn, became the improvised photographers of the event, swarming from group to group and taking pictures while chatting with the rest of the guests.

Emma was no exception in that regard. Accompanied by Killian, she took charge of taking pictures of the people closest to her, trying to deposit into the images the affection and gratitude that she had towards them.

As the moment to welcome the new year approached, her feelings began to betray her. She had never had the opportunity to live this experience surrounded by people and now, the very idea of giving and receiving kisses and hugs at the height of the moment caused a sensation to burn through her veins, making her stomach flutter.

In the last moments of the year, everyone gathered around the television, Killian on her left side and Henry on her right. Killian must have felt her growing state of nervousness since, after giving her a subtle look of support, he discreetly laced his little finger with hers. Far from helping her though, the touch caused a chill to run down her body, anticipation humming beneath her skin as her lips tingled, craving the touch of his lips against hers.

When the countdown began, Emma held her breath in an attempt to calm her agitated heart as she closed her eyes briefly. And suddenly, before she knew it, it was over. 2017 was left behind and 2018 came in full of promises. A tumult of voices, shouts and outbursts of joy surrounded her, but everything seemed to fade around her when her gaze focused on Killian's. The intensity of his eyes was such that Emma had to swallow hard while licking her lips.

Killian started leaning toward her, causing the tingling in her lips to increase and her heart to threat to come out of her chest. Before closing the short distance that separated them, though, a shadow crossed his face, darkening his features. Emma knew at that moment that what she longed for would not happen. She had to settle for a soft kiss on the cheek, which didn't serve to make her disappointment diminish.

"Happy New Year, Emma." His velvety voice caressed the lobe of her ear, but his troubled expression did not help to calm her, instead, it was quite the contrary. Her brow furrowed as she gave him an inquiring look.

"Are you alright?"

"Aye." Killian offered a tight smile that did not reach his eyes. "It's just that... I need some fresh air."

Before Emma could react, Killian hurried to the exit. At that moment, David approached her and, to her surprise, he wrapped her in a tight hug as he offered his best wishes for the coming year. His wife joined the embrace soon, causing Emma not to be able to react at first to the unexpected affectionate action. Gradually, she let herself be enveloped by the warmth of the moment since, after all, this was what she had longed for all her life, right?

After the effusive congratulations of the Nolans, it was the turn of the rest of her friends, sharing hugs and mutual congratulations. She appreciated these displays of affection, no doubt, but a sinking feeling had settled in the pit of her stomach when she realized that Killian had not yet returned. She could not wait to go in search of him, wondering what would have caused his sudden change of attitude.

Killian Jones, Storybrooke - January 1, 2018

This was becoming much harder than he had imagined. Killian dragged his hand down his face and rubbed the scruff of his jaw while he collapsed on one of the seats located in the front patio of Granny's. The idea of lying to Emma was digging a hole deeper and deeper into his stomach, making him feel suffocated, like an animal trapped in a cage with no possibility of escape.

He shouldn't have agreed to help his friends, he thought bitterly while he inhaled deeply in an attempt to slow the rapid beating of his heart, his exhaled breath drawing small puffs of steam due to the cold of the night. He devoted himself to that task during the next few minutes, inhaling and exhaling slowly, getting calm enough to think more coldly.

Who was he kidding? The moment he knew the truth, he had been sentenced, regardless of whether he accepted the deal or not. That secret had supposed a cross over his shoulders, baggage that was gradually becoming heavier to carry.

He didn't blame his friends, though. At the moment when he decided not to tell Emma the truth, he also became an accomplice. He could have always chosen to confess to Emma. Their relationship was just blooming after all, but he now felt at a crossroads where, regardless of the path he took, he would end up failing someone.

Besides, to add one more complicacy, that secret, instead of keeping him away from Emma, had made his attraction to her increase, endowing his already complicated existence with an ironic and bittersweet twist.

She was driving him crazy, his whole body was humming for her. She occupied all his thoughts, either to make him feel even more guilty or burn with desire for her.

It was as if there were an imaginary thread between her and him and it didn't matter how much he tried to pull it to break it, the thread not only would never be cut but would contract more and more until the distance between them disappeared. Tonight was proof of that. By the time she had entered through Grannys' door, like a temptation personified, he had fallen under her spell, unable to separate from her until only a few minutes before.

A chill ran down his spine as his blood ran hot at the thought that he had been about to kiss her right there in front of everyone, consequences be damned. He only slowed down at the last moment when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught David and Mary Margaret looking at him with stunned expressions. It was then that reality had fallen over him, hitting him hard, and making him feel the need to put a little space between him and the current cause of his torments.

"You didn't get to hear my New Year's resolutions." Emma chose that precise moment to announce her presence as if his thoughts had invoked her. He wasn't surprised at her appearance, however. Deep down, he had expected her to come looking for him sooner or later.

Even so, his skin began to tingle in awareness of her proximity and his breathing raced again as he looked up slowly, seeking her gaze.

She was a bloody goddess, it was the only thought that crossed his mind as he watched her approach the table, a hint of concern etched in her features even though her lips curled into a soft smile.

She held two flutes of champagne in one hand and what looked like a piece of clothing in the other. Only then did Killian realize that in his hurry to leave the premises he had left behind his coat. A shiver ran through his body, though he was no longer sure if the cause was the realization of the cold of the night or Emma's closeness.

"You're going to freeze." She simply commented as she handed him his coat and one of the flutes. She sat next to him and waited for him to put on his coat. Then she raised her glass and clinked it lightly with his. "Happy New Year."

His lips pressed together, offering her a tight smile and then he took a tiny sip of the drink. After his horrible experience the last time he got drunk, he was making great efforts to stay sober.

"What would that resolution of yours be, lass?"

She didn't respond immediately but instead stared at him with her lips subtly pursed, probably looking for something that would help her understand his strange previous behavior. "Well..." She began to speak without loosening her scrutiny. "I've decided that I will do my best to not hide behind my walls." Her voice trailed off for a few moments, as she tilted her head slightly to the side, her eyes still locked on his. "I'm tired of keeping my feelings at bay in order to protect myself."

Killian swallowed hard before replying. "It seems to me a very appropriate resolution, love." He said tentatively, not quite sure where this conversation would take them.

"Would you help me carry it out?" Emma asked in a soft voice.

Was she really asking for help to remove her armor? To leave her heart exposed to the risk of suffering again? It wasn't as if she had confessed her past - in fact, she had barely dropped a handful of comments here and there. And he had flatly refused to let his friends explain him anything beyond mere hints of her painful history. But the memory of the conversation that preceded their second kiss, in which she had confessed that her heart was broken, came to his mind and, considering what he already knew, offering to help her was too cynical for his liking. But rejecting her request was also unthinkable. "Anything you need, love, though frankly, I'm not sure how I could be of help."

"Maybe not going away when you're about to kiss me would be a good start." Emma kept the voice even and the features impassive, but he could detect a slight hint of disappointment, so he was quick to reassure her.

"I apologize for my rude behavior, Swan." He paused for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. There was no way he was going to confess the truth, but he felt the need to offer something at least. He let out a long breath before continuing. "It's just... this time of the year hasn't been easy for me until now... Since..." He swallowed hard in an attempt to drag down the lump in his throat. "Since I lost almost everything, I also lost the hope of welcoming a new year. Now... now it's different." Because of you, he thought. "But I'm still trying to figure out the best way to adapt to this new sense of future."

"Maybe we can figure it out together." Emma suggested with such gentleness that he had to suppress the urge to capture her lips with his at that very moment. Instead, he nodded, offering a grateful smile in return.

They remained silent for the next seconds, both lost in each other's eyes. "So, you really would have kissed me in front of everyone if you had not freaked out?" It was Emma who broke the silence, finally. He instantly hated the vulnerability in her voice and features, feeling guilty for being the cause in a certain way.

He ignored his inner voice, warning him that he shouldn't get involved with her anymore. Instead, he decided to listen to his heart. He would have time to face the consequences, later. "I actually still want to kiss you, badly."

"And what prevents you now?" Emma muttered as she closed the distance between them. He could detect the fire in her eyes, her sweet fragrance and the warmth that emanated from her body despite the low temperatures. She was a temptation to which he had to resist.

"I... I don't want to drag you into my own miseries, Emma, you don't deserve it." He mused in a weak voice. "I'm a cursed man, Swan, with the ability to destroy all those who come near me."

Emma shook her head, not accepting his poor excuse. "I see the Nolans are perfectly fine, and they have been by your side for almost twenty years." Give me time, he thought bitterly, though his lips remained sealed. "Also, what if I want to be dragged? What if I want to share my own miseries with you? Remember, walking together to find the light at the end of the tunnel..."

Killian realized that Emma was not only cheering him up but that she was looking for enough confidence in him to continue breaking the wall around her. He simply couldn't disappoint her. After all, he was no more than a weak man unable to restrain that blossoming feeling that was spreading in his chest.

"You're right." He muttered before yielding to her and pressing his lips to hers. Unlike the previous kisses, which had been all passion, desire and impulsiveness, this was a tender, languid kiss, in which he tried to project all his feelings towards her while his fingers caressed her cheek delicately.

He blocked from his mind any distracting thoughts and instead just felt the softness of her lips against his as his tongue savored the delicious taste of her mouth and his ears delighted in the soft sounds that came from her.

It was she who broke the kiss, resting her forehead with his. He gently brushed the dimple of her chin as he searched her gaze to make sure she was okay. For an answer, she returned a smile that was a clear invitation so he, of course, obliged, capturing her lips again in a more passionate kiss while her tongue pressed against his lips asking for access which he happily granted, his hand holding the back of her head and pulling her even closer to him.

He lost the notion of time and space, completely lost and consumed by her and by the sensations that she caused on him. Only when the need to catch their breaths arose did they separate.

"I just established my own resolution for the new year." He breathed against her lips, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'll do my best to try to kiss you every day, Emma. Would you help me carry it out?"

In response, Emma pulled him into a searing kiss, one with the ability to make his blood run hot as his desire for her increased.

He was going to burn in hell.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - February 10, 2018

To Emma's delight, Killian was true to his resolution and the first New Year's kiss wasn't an isolated event but the first of many more. From that day on, she got kisses on a daily basis. Sometimes it was just a soft brush of lips, sometimes a little peck or a stolen kiss before entering the classroom. They also were involved in some sessions of intense steamy making out, especially after their extra classes on Tuesdays. But beyond that, the new year didn't bring much more changes for Emma.

Well, that was not entirely true. She also made a great effort to keep her resolution about not hiding behind her walls, although that did not imply that she wouldn't sometimes panic due to the intensity of her feelings towards Killian. Or when he went through one of those moods that left him with a lost gaze while a shadow of what looked like guilt crossed his features and his whole body tensed. Or when the end of the course approached and she began to fear that everything would change between them.

Fortunately, she was able to cross off her list of concerns that last issue. January ran fast and almost without realizing it, February arrived and with it, the last class which would take place a few days before Valentine's Day.

The photography course had brought her so many good and unexpected things that she couldn't help but be nervous as the last class approached wondering if the end of the course also meant the end of the new friendships she had made, the feeling of group that they had achieved or if she would again feel lost in the world of photography. But what she feared most was not being able to keep the excuse of seeing Killian and keep learning from him.

All her doubts and fears vanished on February 10, the day of their last class, when she entered the classroom and found everything Killian had prepared.

There were several photos taken by all of them hanging on the different walls of the room, giving it an air of a photo gallery. The chairs had been moved to different corners, leaving clear the center of the classroom where several tables with food and drinks had been distributed in different places. Killian was already there, leaning against his desk and welcoming them with a warm smile.

Emma's eyes widened at the sight of such a display, marveling at Killian's ability to keep the secret to perfection. She gave him an inquisitive look as she arched an eyebrow in question. He responded by shrugging and winking at her.

"Wow, are we having a party or something?" Will asked the moment he entered the room, emulating the expression of surprise that everyone showed when they arrived.

Killian remained silent, clearly waiting for everyone to arrive. Something caught Emma's interest, making her heart warm a little more. Unlike that first day, three months ago, Killian did nothing to hide his prosthesis. Today, he kept it very visible while placing it atop his right hand.

Although all the merit was Killian's, she couldn't help but feel glad to have been part of the acceptance process while her admiration for him grew at times as she confirmed his evolution.

Everyone had grown up in some way with that course, she thought as she looked around and her eyes lingered on each of the students.

"I hope you don't mind." When Killian was sure they had all arrived, he started talking. "And not to worry. Although indeed, we're celebrating with a party, we're also going to continue practicing photography."

A hum of appreciation resounded in the classroom. Everyone seemed to be in a mood of celebration.

"Free food and drink while we take pictures, I don't mind at all." Leroy affirmed, his lips drawing a grimace in an attempt to a smile.

"This little party is just a way of expressing my gratitude to all of you. I'd like to thank you for your patience, for your willingness to learn, and for following all my crazy ideas throughout these months. It has been a fully satisfying experience that has brought me more than I ever imagined." His gaze remained fixed on her as he uttered the last words, causing the butterflies of her stomach to flap furiously and her heart to thud in her chest.

"What a thoughtful gesture, professor." Aurora was the first to speak, her voice full of emotion. "But we are the ones who should thank you for having taught us so much, for getting our minds open to a new world of possibilities."

"Yeah, thanks for teaching us to appreciate photography." Ariel added while Tink nodded to her side in agreement.

Killian seemed somewhat overwhelmed at the signs of affection for him, responding to each of them with a little bow of his head while occasionally scratching behind his ear, a gesture that Emma now identified as a tic that showed shyness or nervousness and that she found particularly adorable.

One by one, they all addressed a few words to Killian until it was Anna's turn, who simply asked, "Can I give you a hug, professor?"

Killian's cheeks flushed, but he opened his arms while offering a soft smile, "Of course, lass." And Anna wasn't the only one - everyone approached Killian, sharing with him hugs or shaking hands, all gestures of affection sprinkled with more words of gratitude and some furtive tears.

Finally, it was Emma's turn. She noticed how all eyes focused on her as she walked the few steps that separated her from Killian. She had thought about her little speech, she really had, but when she was a few inches away from him, she found herself unable to utter any words, too overwhelmed by emotion. Instead, she threw herself into his arms and the two merged into a tight embrace.

"You two, kiss already!" Someone shouted and that was all she needed for her lips to seek his, as she tried to show him with that kiss the gratitude she hadn't been able to express in words.

It was a relatively chaste kiss, they had an audience after all, but when they separated, he kept her by his side, wrapping her shoulders with his left arm.

"Before the party starts, I'd like to make a suggestion," Killian announced. "Of course, no one is obligated to do so, but I thought it would be a good idea for all of us to meet once a month, at no cost to you, as a way to keep the group together and to continue practicing with our cameras."

Emma searched his gaze since she was sure that gesture was meant only to reassure her, making her see, indirectly, that it didn't matter that the course was coming to an end, he wasn't going anywhere.

"So you aren't going back to London after the course?" Archie asked.

"No, I'm afraid I'll be stuck here for a while longer, guys. I have a lot of projects in mind." Killian pulled her to him as he spoke, keeping her as close as possible, making all her worries fade away.

Theladyswan: Sometimes the end of the road means that new ones will appear. You just have to be brave enough to keep moving forward. This toast is for you - thank you for never losing faith in us and for giving us the wings that will allow us to fly while chasing our dreams.

To her relief, the end of the course didn't change anything between them. But it was also true that their relationship didn't make much progress. They didn't celebrate Valentine's Day, because the reality was that they weren't dating, not in the strict sense of the term. Not that she had much experience in the field, honestly. Rather none at all. She was unable to consider Neal's debacle as dating. And with Walsh, he had lied to her during the three months their relationship lasted, so... Her experience with Killian was completely opposed to these other two relationships, but still... There was something there, like a kind of invisible barrier that prevented them from advancing or becoming more intimate.

They did not go out to dinner, at least she didn't consider their usual dinners at Granny's after their extra classes as romantic dates. Nor were Sunday lunches at the Nolans' house, which she had begun to attend at the insistence of the couple. They didn't go to the movies either, they only stayed in his apartment or hers every now and then to do marathons of shows or old movies. They didn't share breakfasts. The fact that during the course, Killian had found a cup of his favorite coffee at his desk when he arrived in the classroom every Saturday didn't count, especially since the course was over now.

But the biggest indicative was the absence of sex. Nothing at all. Their making out sessions left her all horny, breathless, a little frustrated and, above all - confused. The penetrating glances he gave her were so intense that they had the ability to make her feel exposed and vulnerable as if she were naked in body and soul. The mere touch of his fingers on the small patches of her bare skin caused her blood to run hot while his lips and tongue left a trail of goosebumps, causing her whole body to tremble. The next minute though, he retreated, moving into that state of caution while his expression morphed into one of pain or sadness, she wasn't sure.

All this experience was so new to her that she was uncertain about how to act. She had tried to talk about it with Killian, but all she had gotten were poor excuses sprinkled with looks that almost silently begged her to drop the subject. She supposed, or at least that was what she wanted to believe, that those changes of attitude were nothing more than the reflection of his persistent struggle to overcome his painful past, but even so, that didn't prevent a thorn of worry from getting stuck in her heart.

The fact that all the people around them already took for granted that the two of them were a thing didn't help either. The rest of the students soon had joined Elsa and Anna in their mission to get them together and in the last classes, they had shared conspiratorial glances and jokes about the blossoming couple, dropping comments like "Now I understand why she was always his favorite ." They didn't do it as a censure but as a sign that they approved of whatever relationship that had arisen between them.

Mary Margaret and David also became the most devoted fans of their budding relationship, all dreamy smiles, looks full of affection and speeches about true love and second chances. Killian's features darkened at these gestures, although Emma assumed that the reason was none other than the Nolans were the closest thing to parent figures he had and their attitude probably made him feel uncomfortable in some way.

Despite all their doubts and insecurities, they gradually opened up to each other, perhaps not in terms of their mutual feelings but at least in relation to their pasts. He told her about Milah one night while they shared a late dinner at Granny's after an intense day taking exterior photographs.

She had spent literally hours trying to get the best picture of the landscape she had in front of her, never quite satisfied with the result while Killian had not stopped praising her perseverance and her patience. The scene must have activated his memories because he didn't even wait for their plates to be served to start talking about his old love.

He told her how Milah had appeared in his life at the opportune moment and that she had offered him the possibility of starting to live again after the death of his brother. He also confessed all the future projects they had been planning together until a car accident had ended Milah's life, sending Killian back into his spiral of misery.

Emma's heart dropped to her toes as she ached to reach him and offer some comfort. He didn't need her pity, she was aware of it, but she couldn't bear to see the lines of sorrow on his features or hear his voice broken by the pain.

At least his confession helped her to fit one more piece into the complex puzzle that Killian Jones had become.

She secretly admired the courage he had shown in trusting her by confessing one of the most traumatic experiences for him. She didn't feel brave enough, though. Her own confession burned in her tongue, but she swallowed it back, unable to bare her soul in front of him. Instead, she escorted him to his apartment and stayed with him, helping him through his breakdown, lying with him in bed while her fingers traced delicate patterns on his back. That night they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

Killian Jones. Storybrooke - February 21, 2018

Killian was an utter bloody mess. Although he had tried to resist, he could no longer deny the evidence. He was madly in love with Emma Swan.

The irony that sometimes hit him at the most unexpected moments had made an appearance when he had finally dared to admit his feelings, even to himself, just after confessing his tragic story about Milah to Emma.

He wanted to know all her secrets, all the little details that had left a mark on her until transforming her into the amazing person she had become. He longed to know all her struggles, how she had overcome all the obstacles that life had thrown in her way. Her New Year's resolution had certainly helped. She had dropped some glimpses, little traumatic experiences while she was in the foster system. But he was aware that Emma still kept a lot inside her. Perhaps for that reason, he had felt the need to pave the way, first confessing himself everything that had made him the broken person he was now.

It had been a liberating act in a way, almost cathartic. When Milah died, he had shut himself off, descending further into his spiral of self-destruction, unable to entrust himself to his friends. With Emma however, he had been much more comfortable explaining how Milah's death had affected him. It was as if, despite the ensuing breakdown that he suffered, confessing his past to Emma had the effect of lightening the burden he was carrying over his shoulders. Maybe he would never overcome his demons of the past but at least he was learning not only not to fear them but to live with them.

When he woke up with Emma curled up in his arms, he had a feeling of bliss like he had never felt before. That sensation vanished before he could savor it though, when he realized that, with every burden of his past that he released, a new burden arose in the form of lies, guilt and regret, which added to his baggage every day he spent with Emma with the damn secret beating between them.

There were times when he almost forgot that lies hovered over them. Emma herself was a great distraction. Her incredible talent, her natural beauty, her determination, her gestures of affection towards the people closest to her, all this caused all of his thoughts to be consumed by her, to the point of forgetting everything around them.

These small moments of calm got the sort of strange relationship that had been burgeoning between them to continue to progress day after day, between photography sessions, relaxed talks and other deeper conversations. In one of these conversations, Emma finally dared to talk about her ghosts of the past.

The confession took place in his apartment. They had been practicing in the darkroom, printing some of the photographs taken by her in the previous days. He had noticed before that whenever Emma worked either with the camera or with the images, she felt more relaxed, more open. Maybe that was the reason why she decided to tell him about the two guys who had broken her heart, Neal and Walsh.

While listening to Emma, an unexpected rage bubbled up inside him, making his blood burn as his hand curled into a fist and his jaw clenched. The anger grew as Emma offered details of Neal's betrayal, how he had taken advantage of her, a vulnerable girl who was just looking for someone who loved her, to the point of making her pay for his crimes and leave her alone in prison.

And then there was the other guy, Walsh, who had also tricked her into thinking he was someone he really wasn't until she discovered the truth - that he was actually engaged to someone else.

Unlike him, she showed total strength while confessing, making his admiration for her grow at times, astonished because, despite her terrible past full of betrayals and abandonment, she had risen from her ashes like a phoenix bird, becoming the wonderful woman that he had in front of him.

"You're a bloody marvel. You know that, don't you?" He murmured while caressing her cheek.

Emma offered him a tight smile. "I think you're a bit biased here."

"Nonsense. Anyone in your place would have broken completely, but look at you. You've managed to keep going, Swan, and not only that, you can achieve everything you set out to do." Killian's eyes bored into hers, in an attempt to enhance with his gaze what he tried to convey with his words

"I still have a broken heart." Emma remembered him in a weak voice.

"Well, we're working on it, aren't we? I'll do my best to try not to let you down." A shadow crossed Emma's face, as if she had expected a more reassuring response. Unfortunately, he could not promise anything more in that regard since he had a suspicion that he would end up doing exactly that. Still, she nodded, a small smile pulling at her lips. In an attempt to offer her something else, he captured her lips with his own, trusting that, in the absence of words, he would at least be able to convey the devotion he felt for her through these small gestures.

It was then, while he was lost in the incredible feeling that it was to kiss Emma, when reality decided to pay him a visit as a reminder that his friends had been the first ones to abandon her and that he was also lying to her with something as important as her origins.

He pulled away from her as if he had been burned and he would have run away trying to put distance between them if it hadn't been because they were in his own apartment. He felt the need to throw off a poor excuse, alluding that he had completely forgotten that he had agreed to meet David to help him with an article.

When they both said goodbye in front of his building, he could detect the flicker of pain and uncertainty in her eyes, causing the weight of guilt and regret to dig a hole even deeper in his heart.

Killian was aware that this wasn't the first time that Emma noticed such a sudden change of attitude in him as well as his indecision in some aspects or his determination not to share with her more than kisses and some caresses stolen in the heat of the moment.

Although his whole body craved for her in the most torturous way he couldn't succumb, not in that way. Not until the truth was revealed. Unfortunately, that moment seemed like it would never come. Still, it was terribly difficult to resist her charms. He should have walked completely away from her if he really wanted to resist temptation. But his selfishness and his desire for her were more powerful and although he never yielded to temptation completely, he did indulge himself with endless sessions of making out, which would end with him in his apartment taking a cold shower in an almost desperate attempt to relieve tension.

He wasn't sure he could survive that way for much longer. His friends had promised to confess the truth to Emma after forming a bond with her. Well, they already had it. After these two months, the connection between them was evident. Now, it was time to finally confess and end this torture, even if it meant the possibility of losing Emma forever. She deserved to know the truth once and for all and be able to decide for herself. He needed to talk to David and convince him that the time had come.

Thanks for reading. Let me know what did you all think :)

What to expect from the next chapter? Things get a bit complicated... Emma talks to Mary Margaret, Mary Margaret talks to David, David talks to Killian... And the Nolans make a decision but, before carrying it out, they have to celebrate Killian's birthday.