Hi everyone! I already apologized at the end of the previous chapter, but I do it again now, I'm sorry it ended that way, but we all knew that moment was going to come, right? And it's better to happen now, when they still have several chapters ahead to bring positions closer together... Thank you so much for all your support and for continuing to give this story a chance.
Thanks, as always, to my beta, Amy, for doing her magic and to my artist, Kate. Don't forget to visit her blog and enjoy her amazing art. The art that accompanies this chapter includes again one of the most important aspects of the story, Emma's Instagram account.
Sara, thank you for everything.
Emma hasn't taken well to know the truth. We will see how she feels after her confrontation with Killian and how Killian and the Nolans deal with this new unfortunate situation.
CHAPTER 11
My dearest Emma,
I wrote to you less than three months ago and I am already here again, holding my pen in an attempt to capture in written words the thoughts and feelings that occupy both my mind and my soul.
I would like to not be writing this letter on this occasion, or at least I would have liked its content to be as hopeful as the previous one. But unfortunately, a tragic event has hit us brutally.
My dear friend, Liam, my partner, my confidant, the person I love as a brother, passed away a few weeks ago while covering an armed conflict.
I am aware that, as you receive these letters, if, at any time you do, it will be like reopening old wounds, or worse, you will suffer for someone you did not even know. But let me be selfish for a moment, Emma. Allow me to express myself through these words when I do not have the possibility to do otherwise.
I need to stay strong for Mary Margaret, who is deeply affected by the loss of our dear friend, but also for Killian, who has lost the only family he had left and with it, all his passion for living. It's as if, with Liam's departure, Killian's soul had also departed, leaving only a shell in its place.
That's why, unfortunately, I do not feel able to return home and undertake the dream of looking for you, now that you have become an adult. He needs me, Emma, and I can not let him down, I can not look the other way when a loved one is suffering.
I can only trust that at least you don't need us too, that your life is still full, that you have a family that loves you, and that you have already started the path to your dreams. I couldn't forgive myself if it was otherwise.
I hope that one day life stops playing with us and that it allows us some quiet time. Maybe then the time will come when we can finally meet. I hope you forgive me then, Emma. But if you don't, at least that will mean that we have somehow found each other and I have managed to deliver these letters to you.
Be happy, my dear daughter.
Your father who loves you and never forgets you,
David.
David Nolan. Storybrooke - February 26, 2018
She already knows. I'm deeply sorry, Dave. KJ
David stared at the screen of his phone for a few seconds trying to process the meaning of the message, while a sense of panic began to creep up his throat. She knows, she knows!
A myriad of questions began to gather in his mind. How had she found out? Would it have been Killian the one who had confessed, unable to withstand the pressure? How would she have taken it? He needed to know. Holding his breath, he slid his trembling fingers across the screen of his phone through his contact list and dialed Killian's number. No signal. He had disconnected the damn phone.
David got up and started pacing up and down the office, trying in vain to contact Killian, his heart beating frantically against his rib cage as he ran his free hand through his hair.
Suddenly, the sound of his own phone echoed in the room, causing him to almost drop the device as he startled. He hurried to answer without even looking at the screen.
"Killian, at last! Tell me what happened!"
"David, are you okay?" Instead of his friend, Mary Margaret's troubled voice came over the phone.
Before answering, he took a deep breath, letting the air escape through his nose. "Sorry, darling, I thought it was Killian, I'm afraid I have bad news."
"She already knows," Mary Margaret cut him off. "Regina just called me."
"Regina?" His brow furrowed in confusion. What did she have to do with all this? His eyes widened a split second later as he realized what Mary Margaret was implying. "Don't tell me it was her." His words slid in a hiss through his clenched jaw.
"According to her, Emma felt miserable because Killian was leaving for London, and to be honest, she has never understood our reasons for hiding the truth from Emma." Mary Margaret tried to explain in a weak voice. "It seems Emma did not take it well at all, she didn't even let her explain herself." David could say that Mary Margaret was making great efforts not to burst into tears, and at that moment he would like nothing more than to be by her side. However, there was something in her words that caught his full attention.
"Wait, Killian is leaving?" His level of confusion increased as he tightened his grip on the phone until his knuckles turned white. An overwhelming sensation settled in the pit of his stomach. This entire situation looked bad, very bad. His worst nightmares, his worst fears, began to come true.
"I don't know, David, I'm trying to contact him but he has the phone disconnected." David's heart sank when he heard his wife's worried tone. He really did not want to add another suffering to her, but he could not hide the truth either.
"It seems that Emma went straight to talk to Killian after her meeting with Regina." A tense silence hung over them for a few seconds. David could only hear Mary Margaret's agitated breathing. "I'm almost finished here, I'm going to stop for lunch and I'll go through Killian's apartment." David tried to keep a calm tone, in an attempt to reassure his wife.
"Okay, call me as soon as you know something." Mary Margaret finally said after letting out a deep sigh. "And David, it doesn't matter what we're going through, I love you and I know we're going to get through of this - together. We're going to bring our daughter back and we're going to help Killian, as we've always done."
"Of course, honey, I love you too." He forced himself to smile, though only the four walls of his office would be witnesses. Even so, the encouraging and determined words of his wife had the desired effect. It was time to take action again. And the first step would be to make sure that Killian did not fall back into the spiral of self-destruction he was already used to.
Before leaving his office, David let out a sigh of resignation. Once again, he saw himself in the situation of having to swallow his own suffering in order to help his loved ones. He wasn't sure he could take much more, though. The burden over his shoulders had become barely bearable.
Killian Jones. Storybrooke - February 26, 2018
Killian was not surprised when he heard the tinkling of keys opening his front door. From the moment he sent the text, he knew that his friend would end up appearing sooner or later. That did not mean he had enough strength to face him so, ignoring David's presence in his apartment, he remained with his eyes closed, his head resting on the back of the couch.
Maybe he should be angry at Regina or rather frustrated at not being able to explain anything to Emma, or just worried about her. Instead, he could only feel an emptiness inside him, as if Emma, after leaving his apartment, had taken with her his essence as a person. He also felt a sense of failure almost impossible to bear. He had propitiated this escalation of events due to his hasty decision to make a getaway, after all.
Only when he noticed that the couch sank slightly at his side did he dare to crack an eye open and glance at David. His friend's gaze, in turn, wandered around the room as if looking for something. Killian realized that David was looking for some clue that involved him in a drunken stupor.
He was not going to find anything, though. He had felt so defeated that even the idea of drowning his sorrows in alcohol was not even appealing. Not anymore. Or maybe it was his masochistic side the one that kept him from drinking, in an attempt to fill that inner emptiness with raw feelings, as a way to inflict a punishment on himself.
"Was it that bad?" David finally asked, breaking the silence between them.
"Worse." He breathed out. It did not matter that he kept his eyes closed. The image of Emma was right there and didn't stop tormenting him, her eyes full of pain and disappointment, tears moistening her cheeks. And it had all been his fault. He massaged his temples with his right hand in a vain attempt to make those images disappear. "I screwed up everything." He admitted through a tiny voice.
"Hey, look at me, Killian." David addressed him in a calm but firm tone. His eyes opened then, though reluctantly, and he turned his gaze to his friend. It was evident that David was trying to keep his composure, to put Killian's suffering ahead of his own. That, far from relieving his sense of guilt, added one more crack to his broken heart.
"You're not the one to blame here, at least not the only one." David continued after letting out a deep sigh. "We've all made mistakes and I should never have put you in that compromised situation, to begin with."
"She saw the suitcase, Dave." His voice trailed off for a moment, but after swallowing hard, he forced himself to continue. "She came in the morning to bring me breakfast and saw the empty suitcase right here." His chin pointed at the coffee table.
"Did you plan to tell us you were leaving?" David interrupted, not a hint of recrimination in his voice, but rather of genuine concern.
"Aye, eventually. But let me finish with this first, mate." He needed to express what had happened, remove it from his system, to alleviate in some way that overwhelming feeling that had seized him. "I don't even know why I took the suitcase to the living room instead of leaving it in my bedroom. I guess I wanted to make sure I didn't forget my photo albums... I don't know." He shook his head. "But here's the irony, the moment she left the apartment, I canceled the flights. It was too late, though."
David remained thoughtful for a few seconds, as if he were processing the information. Then he reached out and gave him an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder. "Why would you leave, Killian?"
Before answering, Killian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Because I didn't want to be the cause of you having to confess to Emma before you were ready. I was unable to handle the situation, I was just trying to give you some time... I don't know." He paused, the emptiness inside him filling up with increasingly negative feelings. "It was a stupid decision and in the end, what I was trying to avoid just happened."
"It wasn't your fault, Killian. This entire plan has been a terrible mistake from the beginning and I'm sincerely sorry I put you in this situation." Killian's heart sank, noticing the look of regret on his friend's face, a shadow of sorrow crossing his gaze.
"She was so upset and hurt..." Killian admitted, even though that would not do anything to ease David's pain. "She did not even let me explain."
"She didn't let Regina explain either." David took another deep breath while running his hand through his hair. Then he squeezed his shoulder again in a gesture of encouragement. "But we're going to fix this. We're going to let a few days pass so that we can all assimilate what happened and then we'll find a way to get to her." He stated categorically.
"It's going to be a tough task, mate."
"I'm aware." David nodded. Then he gave him a small smile, the first of the day. His stomach tightened into knots of anticipation since Killian knew that expression too well. It was the one David always wore when he mentioned his brother. "But what has always been Liam's motto?"
Killian blinked a couple of times, holding back the tears that threatened to escape. An overwhelming sensation washed over him, but he swallowed the lump in his throat. "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets."
"I won't give up on my daughter and you won't give up on your love." David added in a tone full of determination.
Killian offered him a weak smile in return while he tried to cling to those words with desperation. He could have been defeated, but the time of drowning in his own misery was over. It was time to take action, though he still hadn't the faintest idea how he could win Emma's heart again.
Emma Swan. Storybrooke - February 26, 2018
The first thing Emma did as soon as she got to her apartment was to take the suitcase out of her closet and start throwing clothes and other belongings into it in a careless manner. She needed to keep busy with something - anything - just to not collapse completely.
The need to run away hummed under her skin, prompting her to continue with her task as she blinked occasionally to stop the sting in her eyes. She had already shed enough tears. That feeling of uncertainty, of not really knowing what was her place in this damn town anymore, of feeling betrayed by those people she had trusted, was too overwhelming that she was not strong enough to stop it.
She should have known better that, at some point, the other shoe would drop. That had always been her life, why would it change now? She grinded her teeth together in agitation, cursing herself for not being more cautious as she increased the force with which she tossed the clothes into the suitcase.
Just when she was more involved in the task, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. Her camera. Her damn camera full of memories and unforgettable experiences. It was the vision of the device that ended up breaking her.
She pushed the suitcase aside and dropped onto the bed, covering her face with her hands. A sob slid between her lips as all the sensations she had tried to repress finally broke the protective barrier and crawled up to her very soul.
Flashes of the last months swirled in her mind, making her torment increase. That sense of belonging that had been building inside her since she came to Storybrooke was diluted in front of her without her being able to do anything about it.
She didn't even feel the camera as her own anymore. It was a gift from Regina. God knows if it was also part of their machinations. Because, although she had tried to direct her fury at a single target, the possible implication of her boss in this whole plot still lay dormant in her head.
She even doubted her talent. Maybe all those praises were only part of that nonsensical plan in which she had been involved.
Emma also became aware of another aspect. Her time to run was over. Maybe there was nothing that tied her to Storybrooke anymore, but she really had no other place to go. This whole situation had left her so overwhelmed that she didn't even have the determination to leave. Her only desire now was to lie down in a ball while hiding from the rest of the world and trying to pick up the pieces of her life again.
Everything was too much. Not even in her worst nightmares had she imagined that finally finding her parents would be a source of suffering for her, because now knowing the identity of them had meant losing her boyfriend and a promising future.
She learned that Killian was still in town through a text sent by Regina the next day.
Killian hasn't left. In fact, he canceled the flight just after your visit for breakfast. I understand how you may feel right now, so take your time, Emma. RM
She remained staring at the screen for a few seconds while trying to process the information. Slowly, a new wave of anger began to take hold of her, the urge to throw the phone against the wall barely restrained. Instead, she sank into the couch, leaning her head against the back as she dropped the phone beside her.
Was it really necessary to let her know that he had canceled the flight before everything exploded? She felt as if Regina was recriminating her in some way for worrying unnecessarily. What hurt her most though was that there wasn't a single trace of apology in the message. It had been Regina's fucking fault that she had found out everything in the first place.
Emma couldn't deny that deep down, she was grateful to know the truth. Regina had removed the blindfold that covered her eyes, but she should have known otherwise. The people directly involved should have been the ones who came to her to confess.
He's still here... Her mind reminded her, while her heart fluttered furiously in her chest. It would have been much easier for her to handle if he had actually left town. That would have given her more time to recover without fear of bumping into him in the streets by chance.
She didn't trust herself in terms of her feelings for him. In spite of how betrayed and hurt she felt, her pulse was still racing with any thought about him, her skin still tingled, craving for his touch, the butterflies on her stomach danced without stopping every time his captivating smile, his piercing eyes or his melodious voice came to her mind.
She was not prepared to finally get rid of those feelings, to replace the warmth that still ran through her body with the cold and bleak emptiness of a broken heart again.
Maybe she was reading too much in that little gesture. Perhaps he had decided to stay because it was no longer necessary to continue lying, that he didn't need to flee like a coward. But the fact that he had canceled the flight after seeing how the possibility of his departure had affected her still kept a faint flame burning in her soul.
It was only lunchtime, she still had many hours of solitude ahead, locked in her apartment until she could finally succumb to sleep again. She did not even have any appetite, but forced herself to grab the phone and order a pizza from the town's only pizzeria.
After placing the order, her fingers slid absently on the phone screen, until, almost without realizing — damn subconscious — she found herself watching the gallery, full of pictures of Killian and the two of them together.
If she had been told only a few months ago that she was going to end up hopelessly in love to the point of lowering her defenses, even at the risk of being hurt along the way, she would have snorted, shaking her head in disbelief. And yet here she was, feeling his presence everywhere, both in her mind and in her heart, her mobile gallery full of their memories together, her camera full of his images. It was such an overwhelming feeling that she had to blink a couple of times to keep from bursting into tears again. She was so pathetic.
The next day started the same way as the previous one, dragging herself from the bed to the couch while she stayed there for hours lying around trying to distract herself in vain with any absurd show on television or else punishing herself by letting her thoughts run free in her mind, hovering over her while her torment persisted.
Two days had passed and, except for that first and only message from Regina, she hadn't received any other text from anyone, no one had tried to contact her, nor had they bothered to learn how she was feeling.
Well, that wasn't entirely true, she corrected herself. Ruby and Graham had sent her several messages worrying about her, to which she had responded only in monosyllables or in short sentences. But they were her friends, right? The thought that they might be also involved crossed her mind too. They had been the ones who had given her the course as a gift after all. She blinked away that disturbing thought, wondering if she was becoming paranoid, suspecting everyone and everything. That's what happens when you only have some clues here and there, that you risk drawing conclusions that may not be accurate. Her mind hastened to remind her.
Just at the moment when she grabbed her phone to make sure she hadn't received any new notification, the device started buzzing in her hand, causing her to shudder in surprise.
Her heart skipped a beat when Killian's name popped up on the screen. Her bottom lip caught between her teeth with such force that she feared that it would start to bleed. She kept her finger over the notification icon, hesitating whether she should open it or not. Finally, her need to know about him for better or worse was more powerful.
Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the content of the message. He had included a photo of one of her portraits taken by him a few weeks ago. They had been practicing with photo editing and he had praised that particular photo, ensuring that she literally glowed without the need for any editing.
Maybe I shouldn't torture myself in this way, but the truth is that I cannot stop looking at the pictures I took to you. I feel your presence everywhere, Swan. You are so beautiful inside and out, so strong and brave, with such a good heart, so talented and smart. You are brilliant, Emma, in every way. And I know that I won't live long enough to properly apologize to you and to make up for the suffering that I'm causing you to go through. But I just wanted to remind you that you matter. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise. KJ.
Emma lost all notion of the time she spent staring at the screen, her eyes running over the words in the text over and over again. Bastard! She cursed herself once again for the power he had over her, causing her to deal now with a spiral of mixed feelings that threatened to collide inside her. She was convinced he was being honest, even in such an impersonal way as a simple text message.
A sudden knock on the front door brought her out of her reverie.
"Emma, are you home?"
Ruby's voice came from the other side of the door, causing her to straighten up as she ran her hands through her hair in a futile attempt to untangle it.
A new knock came accompanied by the urgent voice of her friend. "Emma, I know you're in. Open the damn door or I swear to God I'll knock it down myself. Or better yet - bring Graham here. He's the law, you can not deny him access."
Emma hurried to open the door, since she was completely sure that Ruby was serious, and for some reason, the idea of Graham seeing her in this state was not appealing at all.
Ruby's eyes widened the moment they settled on her, while her face twisted in a grimace. "You look miserable, honey." Then she raised her hand, showing a paper bag with Granny's logo. "If it wasn't because the food is going to get cold, I would tell you to go take a bath, but we'll leave that for later." She passed by and went to the kitchen without waiting for an invitation.
The lack of filter in Ruby was well known by Emma. Her friend was simply unable to bite her tongue before speaking. She appreciated her honesty and this time it was not going to be less, so she just followed her after letting out a deep sigh.
A sense of warmth ran through her heart as she contemplated a steaming grilled cheese sandwich waiting for her, its delicious aroma penetrating through her nostrils causing her stomach to rumble.
"Okay, I guess you've already realized that the reason for my visit is not just to deliver the food." Ruby put her hands on her hips while raising one of her eyebrows. "But first things first. You eat, then you'll take a bath to look like at least moderately human, and then you and I are going to talk, honey."
She obliged, if only for the need to ingest her favorite food. True to her word, Ruby allowed them to eat in quiet silence. The moment she took the last bite though, she pushed her straight into the bathroom without even giving her time to protest.
Although reluctant to admit it, the shower was a really good idea. The hot water falling over her served as a balm to drag away some of her worries. She stayed under the spray until the water cooled, letting her muscles relax and keeping her mind blank. Finally, she turned off the tap, wrapped herself in a towel and took her time to untangle her hair and look like a normal person, if only to not face listening to Ruby's protests. Once dressed in her favorite yoga pants and tank-top, she left the bathroom while wondering if she would be able to let off steam with her friend.
Emma found Ruby sitting on the couch while flipping through a magazine. She just needed a look around to realize that her friend had been busy during her absence. A wave of affection and gratitude towards her washed over Emma as she saw how both her kitchen and her living room looked like decent rooms and not garbage dumps.
Ruby looked up at her as she pressed her lips together and arched an eyebrow as a sign of her approval of her appearance. She patted the free seat next to her on the couch. "Come on, darling. We have a pending talk."
As she walked towards the couch, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly in an attempt to gain enough strength to behave like an adult in front of her friend.
"Killian and I sort of broke up the other day." Emma snapped without even taking the time to settle on the couch.
Ruby's eyes widened at first in disbelief and then narrowed. "Sort of?"
"Yeah... It's complicated." Emma cleared her throat, earning some time as she figured out how to explain it. "I'm not even sure we were together in the first place."
"Are you kidding me?" Ruby scoffed. "You were totally together, Emma. But that's not the important thing now." She waved her hand in front of her in a dismissive gesture. "What happened?"
She breathed out on a shaky exhale before continuing. "He lied to me in something that affected me personally and when I discovered it, he didn't even try to defend himself. End of the story." At the moment when the last words left her mouth, she realized that there were still many missing pieces in that story. She was not sure she wanted to know the answers to all the questions that had been forming, though.
Ruby remained pensive for a few seconds, trying to process the information. "Okay, I need you to give me something else to try to figure out how to help you. What do you think if we start with the current state of your relationship?" As Emma did not answer immediately, she continued. "Did either of you say the words out loud? I mean, did either of you clearly state that the relationship was over?"
"Not exactly," Emma admitted reluctantly. "But that's not important right now. He lied to me, Ruby. He took advantage of me in some way to help his friends."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, take a break darling. What do his friends have to do with all this? With you?"
Emma groaned inwardly, reluctant to confess the truth, as this would be the first time she expressed the words out loud. She clenched her jaw and swallowed the lump in her throat, trusting that her voice would not shake. "They... his friends... are actually my biological parents."
"What?" Ruby's eyes widened as her eyebrows rose almost touching the base of her hair. "They found you?"
No. They did not find me. Or maybe they did? She felt a tug of frustration in her stomach. She had no idea what had really happened. She had been so focused on the betrayal she had suffered, that she had blocked the rest of her thoughts. Now, these questions bunched up in her head, struggling between them to come to the surface.
"I... I'm not sure, Regina just told me they were my parents and that Killian knew it."
Ruby's expression of disbelief increased. "Regina? What does Regina have to do with all this?" She seemed to remember something, because her eyebrows rose again in surprise. "Wait a moment, now that I remember... Granny told me a few weeks ago that Mary Margaret and Regina had been stepsisters for a while, until their parents divorced."
"Maybe she was still around when they gave me up for adoption..." Emma mumbled almost to herself, her brain beginning to join the pieces she was getting.
"So let me see if I got it right. Somehow they found you, they came back to Storybrooke, but they did not tell you the truth..." Ruby shook her head while her eyebrows knitted together. "Why? And why is Killian involved?"
"I don't know, Ruby." This whole situation was giving her a horrible headache. She massaged her temples in an attempt to relieve it. "I only know that Killian knew the truth. He was the one who introduced us and who made our first encounters possible, and then he started acting strange. I didn't understand the reasons. I thought it was due to his inner demons but..." Her voice trailed off. After knowing the truth she thought Killian's weird behavior had been because he at least still had some decency, and he felt embarrassed by what he was doing. Now, however, she was not sure anymore.
"And why would they force that meeting if they didn't plan to tell you the truth?" Ruby questioned.
"I... I have no idea." Emma had no choice but to admit.
"Emma..." Ruby reached out and squeezed her forearm gently. "I'm on your side here, darling, but for us to figure out what's really happening, we need more information, not to rely on conjecture. Since when did he know? Maybe he felt pressed in some way? Did you get to ask him? " She inquired, softening both her voice and her features.
A new possibility began to swirl in her head. Killian's strange behavior might have been due to his internal struggle. Maybe he had felt pressed. Maybe he had wanted to tell her the truth but he could not betray his friends. Maybe... Stop! She forced herself to stop that escalation of thoughts at least for the moment.
"Not exactly. I was so upset that I threw many things in his face and did not even want to listen to him when he tried to explain himself." A wave of guilt washed over her, as her head began to spin. She was supposed to be the victim here, right? Why did she suddenly start to regret how she was handling the situation?
"You need to talk to him, Emma." There was something in Ruby's voice, maybe her soft, reassuring tone, maybe the conviction of her words, whatever it was, she felt comforted and grateful to have her by her side.
Emma nodded, pressing her lips together and drawing the attempt at a smile. She then remembered the message Killian had sent her and decided to show it to her friend. "He sent me this a few minutes ago. It's the first contact he's had with me since... our fight."
Something flashed in Ruby's eyes as her eyes fell on the screen. "Holy shit!" She covered her mouth immediately with her hand. "Emma, honey, this man is madly in love with you."
This time it was Emma's turn to widen her eyes in disbelief, but she didn't have time to reply, because her friend continued talking. "And with this, I'm not saying you should forgive him, of course not. But he owes you an explanation and you should be willing to listen to him."
"You're right... but I still need some more time, Ruby." Emma immediately hated the almost pleading tone in her voice.
Ruby nodded offering a soft smile. "Sure, take your time, he's already taken the first step with that message. I'm sure he'll wait for you to feel ready to take the next step."
Both remained silent for a few seconds, while Emma's gaze wandered distractedly around the room and Ruby remained pensive by her side.
"I just remembered something." It was finally Ruby who broke the silence. "This happened on Monday, right?" Emma confirmed with a nod of her head. "I remember that on that day, Killian went to Granny's for lunch. He was going with your pa.. with the Nolans, and the three of them seemed quite affected by something. Killian, in particular, seemed devastated. I know the reason now..."
Emma could not help flinch at the mention of his friends and at the thought that he had sought refuge in them. She was aware that she was being irrational, they had been his friends for almost twenty years and he had known her for only four months. Even so, the idea that he, once again, had chosen them, sent a direct pang to her heart.
Something came to her mind at that moment. She had felt comfortable in some way talking to Ruby to the point that she had forgotten some of her suspicions, that was, she might be part of an intricate plot without even being aware of them.
"Ruby, can I ask you something?" Emma addressed her friend. Only when she received an affirmative answer did she continue. "The course... your gift ... Was it really your idea?" Emma held her breath as she bit her lower lip, silently praying to all the existing gods so that Ruby wasn't part of that plot.
"What are you talking about, Emma?" Ruby frowned as she tilted her head slightly. "You mean the course of..." A shadow crossed her face then. "...Of course it was our idea. We learned that Henry and Regina were giving you the camera, and Belle told me about the photography course a few days later. We just thought it was the best gift for you, given the circumstances." To her relief, her friend seemed completely honest.
"So Regina wasn't the one to suggest the course, right?" Emma watched Ruby's expression and realized that with her question all she would get was to annoy Ruby. "I'm sorry ... this whole situation is driving me crazy."
"It's okay, Emma, I understand that you want to make sure who's on your side here. I'm Emma's team, always." She reassured her. "And no, Regina didn't suggest anything to us, I promise. I'm pretty convinced that you two met by chance, not by any kind of strange machination."
At least she could cross out one of the possible plots around her now, she thought with some relief.
When Ruby left a little later, promising that they would see each other soon and with her request to keep her informed, Emma was left alone in her apartment once more. This time, however, she felt the four walls of the room hovering over her, making her feel trapped as her thoughts ran wild over her head, not willing to give her a break.
A few hours later Emma was exhausted, as if all the energy had been drained from her body, which was strange, since she had hardly done any physical activity in the last day and a half. But all the accumulated tension seemed to be taking its toll to the point that she did not even bother to go to her bedroom, but settled on the couch, ready to succumb to sleep.
Her mind had begun to navigate towards the world of dreams, when suddenly a memory emerged from its hiding place, hitting her hard. Killian had already told her about the secret! he had learned that the Nolans had a secret a few weeks after the course began! Emma sat down abruptly on the couch as she squeezed her brain trying to rewind until the moment of that first conversation in which Killian had let off steam with her.
Slowly, the traces of that conversation began to appear, causing an uneasiness to settle in the pit of her stomach. Killian had shown a sincere concern about his friends, worried about not being enough for them and thinking that he had become selfish with them.
What if... Killian found out about that secret when he talked to them after that conversation? What if he felt obligated in some way to help his friends in his effort to prove they could count on him? What if he hadn't been more than a victim of all this maze of secrets?
Her heart thudded in her chest as she got up and began to pace up and down the living room, unable to stop the escalation of thoughts that had taken hold of her, her mind running frantically bringing to her memory more and more details of that conversation.
Killian had even told her about the non-paternity of his friends and that he had felt bad for not worrying more about that aspect of their lives. She herself had suggested that he should talk to them about it.
"Oh, God! We kissed that day." She muttered as her fingers brushed her lips instinctively. If all this was true, there were already feelings involved before he knew about the secret.
It all made sense now, his strange behavior every time the Nolans were around, as if he felt guilty, as if he didn't approve of what his friends were doing but had no choice but to continue the farce.
She squeezed her eyes closed as a headache approached. Far from clarifying things, she felt increasingly confused and frustrated. And she missed him terribly.
After letting out a deep exhale, Emma forced herself to crawl to the bed. The exhaustion had not disappeared, but the sleep seemed to have abandoned her.
Before turning off the light and taking refuge in the cocoon of her blankets, she opened the gallery of images from her phone and searched for her Killian's favorite photo in a desperate attempt to get his warm smile to calm her enough to get a few hours of sleep. She would have to start looking for answers tomorrow.
Henry contacted her the next day, expressing his desire to meet her. After a brief moment of hesitation, she accepted. She could not refuse anything that came from that little boy who had stolen her heart. In addition, she also felt the need to leave, even for a few moments, the oppressive atmosphere of her apartment.
She didn't want to tempt fate by going to any of the places frequented by Killian or the Nolans though, so she agreed to meet Henry at his favorite playground after school.
Since she had nothing to do until their meeting, she decided to take a walk, taking advantage of the fact that the temperature was pleasant enough in anticipation of the spring that would come in a couple of weeks. There was another reason why she wanted to leave her apartment. She had already begun to feel the tingling at the tips of her fingers, a craving to take pictures and escape for a few moments from everything and everyone while she was focused in capturing small instants of reality.
She wandered for a few hours through the less frequented places of Storybrooke, letting the timid rays of sunlight reach her, offering her a certain warmth.
She had missed that feeling, the magic of immortalizing the moment, of creating stories through a simple picture. She hadn't even updated her Instagram account and had deleted the last photo uploaded, after receiving several questions that she didn't feel in the mood to answer.
When she arrived at the playground, Henry was already there waiting for her, his backpack slung over his shoulder while holding his inseparable storybook. They perched on one of the platforms in a comfortable silence, the gentle breeze caressing her face as she took a deep breath, delighted for a moment in the feeling of fresh air entering her lungs.
"Why are you mad at Killian?" Henry's expression was marked by genuine concern when he asked.
The question caught her off guard, because she was not only mad at Killian, but also at his mother and at... them. The word parents still felt bitter and strange both in her tongue and in her mind.
"What makes you think I'm mad at Killian, kid?"
Henry rolled his eyes in a gesture of annoyance that she found quite endearing. "Maybe I'm just a child, Emma, but I'm quite perceptive. You took days off from work, you don't hang out together anymore, and when I saw Killian yesterday, he looked miserable."
Emma felt her heart drop into her stomach at the mention of Killian and his condition. She shouldn't feel that way, but she couldn't help feeling responsible in a certain way. The last image that she had of him came to torment her from time to time, in the form of a pale face, a gaze full of guilt and regret, shoulders sunk in defeat.
"It's complicated, Henry." She replied simply, her gaze fixed on her hands.
"Try me." Henry challenged her in a defiant voice.
Before answering, she took a deep breath and let the air out slowly. "He lied to me."
Emma glanced sideways at the boy, watching his reaction. He frowned thoughtfully, as he bit his lower lip.
"Lying is wrong." He nodded as if to reaffirm his words. "But I've learned that sometimes our loved ones lie to us as a means to protect us." She was about to reply, but Henry continued speaking. "I thought for a long time that Regina was my biological mother. I only found out the truth by chance a year and a half ago. When I found the adoption documents, she told me that she had hidden the truth to protect me. If I didn't know that someone had given me up for adoption, I wouldn't have the feeling of abandonment or being less loved."
A myriad of sensations swirled in her gut. He probably wasn't aware of the impact his words had on her. But the truth was that this feeling, the one of not feeling loved, of not being enough, had accompanied her throughout her life.
Still, she didn't think Killian had hidden the truth to try to protect her, but because maybe he had felt pressured to do so. Either way, she appreciated Henry's words.
"You're right, kid." Emma offered him a small smile while ruffling his hair. "Sometimes lies have an explanation behind, but that doesn't stop them from hurting."
"So, you're going to talk to him, aren't you?" Henry asked as his face lit up and a glimmer of hope crossed his gaze.
"Maybe, Henry." She did not want to disappoint him, but neither could she confirm it, because even though she was willing to talk to him, she preferred to wait to feel less vulnerable. She did not want to risk getting even more damaged after that conversation.
Later, Emma lay back on the couch, holding the phone while her fingers traveled across its screen. She had spent the previous hour tormenting herself, observing all the photos taken in recent months. It didn't matter that Killian didn't appear in some of the photos, his presence was constant in all of them, either because of the memory of having him at her side while she took the images or because of the idea of making him feel proud of her.
She had even spent a while staring at the photos taken with one of his old cameras, while recreating the memory of the process of developing those photos in the dark room. That place would always have a special meaning for her, since it was the one where she had kissed him for the first time.
Almost without realizing it, she found herself looking at the message he had sent her the previous day, while the impulse to answer became more difficult to stop. And why should I stop it? Emma wondered. After all, it was just a matter of being polite, right?
After one last look at the gallery, she opted to send him one of the photos taken in the afternoon. It was a picture of a beautiful butterfly that had remained motionless long enough to allow her to capture it in a picture.
As you see, I've continued practicing to keep improving. Now I would appreciate the opinion of an expert. What do you think? ES
It was a cold, impersonal message, without any trace of emotion in it, in contrast to the one he had sent her the day before. But photography had always been their link and now it wasn't going to be less. If photography had been the cause of them knowing each other in the first place, perhaps now it was also the thread that allowed them to approach positions again.
Just when she pressed the send button, she heard a knock on the door. Her stomach tightened into knots as her heart fluttered at the possibility that she had somehow summoned Killian.
"Emma, are you home?"
Her blood froze in her veins when she heard that voice but she remained still, unable to react.
Killian Jones. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018
Killian could not believe it. He almost needed to pinch himself to make sure that what he was watching wasn't a product of his imagination. After blinking a couple of times, both the image and the text from Emma were still there, on his phone screen.
He honestly hadn't expected her to answer him back but he had felt the need to let her know that he was still there, that he wasn't going anywhere and that he would wait for her as much as necessary.
Sitting on his bed, he let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed the scruff of his chin, assessing how he should answer it. Perhaps the most appropriate thing would be to maintain the same somewhat distant tone that she had used, as a way of testing the waters.
It's a good picture, Swan. It's undeniable how much you have improved in the focusing. I'm glad you're still practicing, love. I'm here for whatever you need. KJ
It was amazing how a simple text from her had the ability to make the ordeal he was going through be forgotten at least for a moment. The long days and the eternal nights wandering around his apartment like a caged animal or torturing himself staring at her pictures suddenly became a simple memory of the past.
Maybe it wasn't the right thing to fan the flame of hope that still burned in his heart, but her reply had been a breath of fresh air for him, a promise to which he would cling with all his might.
A sound coming from the kitchen brought him back to reality. He had completely forgotten he had slipped into his bedroom, hiding from Mary Margaret, the moment his phone had started buzzing.
After putting the phone in the back pocket of his pants, he finally left his shelter and headed for the kitchen.
This had been their routine for the past few days. Since he had not yet begun to teach the classes of the new course, he remained mostly locked in his apartment, although his friends had arranged for him to spend as little time alone as possible.
Mary Margaret went straight to his apartment every day after her work at school. She always found a way to distract him by hooking him into the most varied conversations. Later, he would join her in the kitchen and prepare dinner while they waited for David to return. They would only leave his apartment after making sure Killian was exhausted enough to fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. That wouldn't prevent him from waking up hours later, in the middle of the night and deciding to torture himself by looking at pictures of Emma or remembering every moment shared with her.
Mary Margaret looked up the moment she noticed he had returned, offering him a warm smile. He grinned at her, his mood clearly improved after receiving the message from Emma.
"Even though I can't help but appreciate your unparalleled gifts as a cook, I'm fine, you don't need to do this." He commented, knowing in advance that his words would fall on deaf ears.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Can't I spend time with my favorite boy?" Her smile widened. "Don't tell David." She whispered in a conspiratorial tone as she winked at him.
Killian rolled his eyes as he began to help her with the preparations for dinner. They worked in silence for the next few minutes, a soft melody coming from his music player was the only sound around them.
A thought crossed Killian's mind at that moment. They weren't doing it for him, or at least not just for him. All this situation was also hard for them. After all, they had lost their daughter again before they even had the chance to open up with her.
He was aware that his friends felt guilty and regretful of what they had done, but even so, they had hidden their pain, as they always did, with the aim of helping him. But maybe they were the ones who needed help this time. Maybe Mary Margaret didn't want to stay alone in their apartment, while guilt and suffering tormented her.
"I sent a message to Emma yesterday." He commented in a casual tone, although he hoped that his gesture at least served to offer them some hope.
"Oh." Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly. "She answered back?" It was evident that Mary Margaret was making great efforts to keep her excitement at bay.
"In fact, she did it just a few minutes ago." His lips drew a soft smile as he offered the phone to his friend.
"That's good, Killian." Mary Margaret muttered, a hint of emotion in her voice, as her eyes filled with tears. "That's good." She repeated, this time with a firmer voice, before throwing herself at him and wrapping her arms around his waist as she buried her head in his chest.
They remained embraced for a few seconds, Killian seeking shelter in the arms of his friend whom he considered as a sister or perhaps more, while she clung to him, aware that he had once again become the link that could allow them to approach their daughter once more.
Only when Mary Margaret's phone buzzed on the counter did they separate. Killian continued cutting vegetables for the salad while his friend went to check her phone.
"It's David." Killian looked up at his friend who was still holding the phone. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she informed him about the content of the message. "He just told me that something has come up and that he will be late so it's not necessary for us to wait for him for dinner."
This time it was his turn to frown as he wondered what his friend was up to. Something told him that Emma would have something to do with it. A sense of vertigo seized him at that moment, as his pulse raced and his heart hammered in his chest. He only trusted that, whatever David had in mind, it wouldn't end up making the situation even worse.
David Nolan. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018
As David's steps brought him closer to his destiny, he began to feel more and more nervous. After three days of suffering, he had decided that the moment of taking action had finally arrived.
For that reason, after leaving his office, he had gone to his apartment with only one goal in mind, to pick up the box he was clutching now in his hands.
And that's how he had ended up there, in front of his daughter's front door, holding his soul in the form of letters in one hand, while he kept his other hand suspended in the air, without deciding whether to hit the smooth surface.
He took two deep breaths in an attempt to calm his agitated heart and gain enough determination to face Emma. After what seemed like hours, he finally knocked on the door.
"Emma, are you home?"
While waiting for his daughter to open the door, he wondered if what he was about to carry out would serve to begin the process of approaching her or if on the contrary, it would only take her further away. There was only one way to find out.
Thanks for reading. Let me know what did you all think :)
What to expect from the next chapter? It includes two of my favorite scenes from the whole story. David is involved in the first one. As for the other one... you'll have to wait for next week... Merry Christmas!