I can't believe this is almost over, but it's happening, this is the final chapter (plus the epilogue next week) Thank you so much for all your support and for continuing to give this story a chance.
Thanks, as always, to my beta, Amy, for doing her magic and to my artist, Kate. Don't forget to visit her blog and enjoy her amazing art.
Sara, thank you for everything.
This is a long chapter and also one of my favorites. We'll know what's going to happen with the relationship between Emma and her parents. And yes, Emma is going to read the letters, finally!
CHAPTER 14
Killian Jones, Storybrooke - May 9, 2018
Killian's thumb moved across the phone's screen while he held the device with his hand, hesitating over whether to press his finger on Emma's name.
"You should call her, Killian." Mary Margaret suggested in a soft voice. "She deserves to know. It's her father after all."
Killian nodded at her, his lips pressed together. She was right, he should call her. He was aware that he would end up doing it at some point, he just needed a little more time to figure out how to approach the subject.
He left the phone in the seat next to him as he leaned his head against the wall and pinched the bridge of his nose, a deep sigh escaping his mouth while wishing that someone would soon inform them. This long wait was driving him crazy.
They had arrived at the hospital a couple of hours ago. To his surprise, Mary Margaret had accepted the news with a composure that was worthy of admiration, after the first initial shock. Quickly, she had driven them to the hospital and had even managed to talk to one of the doctors who had checked on David in the first place.
He was out of danger, that they had been assured. In fact, although he had lost consciousness after the accident, he had recovered it again in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Still, given the high probability that he had suffered a concussion after the impact and to detect possible internal injuries, the doctors were conducting some tests so they hadn't been allowed to see him yet.
Still, Killian was reluctant to put Emma in an uncomfortable situation where she felt forced to do something she might not yet be prepared for, but he shouldn't be the one to make any decision for her. After the traumatic experience they had gone through, he had sworn to himself —and to her —that there would never be more secrets or lies between them.
After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he finally dialed Emma's number, got up and started walking down the hall looking for some privacy. She answered with the second ringtone.
"Hey, Killian! I was about to leave for lunch. Are you still home?"
Dammit! He had totally forgotten that they had agreed to meet for lunch. "About that... I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel today's lunch, love." He tried to keep a calm tone and even forced himself to smile, but Emma quickly realized that something was wrong.
"Are you okay?"
"Aye, I'm fine... It's David... We're in the hospital..." His voice trailed off as he tried to pull himself together.
He heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the phone before Emma spoke in a thin voice. "What happened?"
"He was involved in an accident, but he's out of danger." He hastened to reassure her. "It's just that they have to do tests to assess the level of concussion..."
"Concussion?" Emma cut him off, a hint of fear evident in her voice.
"It's usual in these cases, Emma, he was hit by a car. But we were told he was already conscious, he's going to be fine." He assured her with more confidence than he really felt.
"And you? How are you? Do you need something?" She asked, the way she cared about him sending a warm feeling to his heart.
You. I need you to be by my side, so you can assure me that my friend will be fine, that I won't lose him too. "I'm fine." He repeated, burying those fears in the depths of his mind. "Mary Margaret is here with me." It was his turn to stay strong now, to act like the rock that Mary Margaret and Emma would need.
They talked for a couple more minutes, Emma insisting on finding out her father's condition and knowing in detail what the doctors had told them. Only when Killian had reassured her enough, she finally decided to end the call.
"Tell me something as soon as you know, please. I'll be waiting for your call." She paused for a few moments, only the sound of her shallow breathing was heard from the other side of the phone. "And thanks for telling me, Killian." She muttered.
"Of course, love. He's going to be fine." He insisted with the intention of convincing both Emma and himself. I love you, he would also have liked to add, the words burning on the tip of his tongue. But this was not the most appropriate time. Soon, he promised himself before hanging up the call and returning to the waiting room to accompany Mary Margaret.
Emma Swan. Storybrooke - May 9, 2018
Emma was unable to concentrate, Killian's words echoing in her head preventing her from thinking about anything else. He was hit by a car. David, her father, was hit by a car.
From the moment she heard the news from Killian, a wave of panic crept up her throat as her stomach tightened into knots. Flashes of David's gentle gaze, of his frank smile, jumping to her head to torment her.
The mere possibility of losing her father even before accepting him as such caused her heart to constrict in her chest. The memory of the letters hidden in her closet, the letters she had not yet dared to read, caused incipient tears to threaten to slide down her cheeks. She blinked furiously in an attempt to hold them back.
To make matters worse, the idea of Killian alone with Mary Margaret in the waiting room, suffering in silence and probably experiencing some kind of deja-vu made her uneasiness increase. She needed to be there with him, at his side, supporting each other.
She didn't have to think twice. After all, the rest of the day was going to be totally unproductive since her mind was away from the office for obvious reasons. She got up and walked toward Regina's office, knocking lightly on the open door with her knuckles.
Her boss looked up, a slight crease of annoyance between her eyebrows at being interrupted.
"I have to go." She announced without further ado, although she knew that Regina would not make it easy for her, not at least without requesting some kind of additional explanation.
"And where do you have to go, if I'm allowed to know?" Regina asked in a cutting tone.
"I have to go to the hospital, my f..." Her voice trailed off as she suppressed a gasp of surprise. She couldn't believe she had been about to say the word out loud. "...David has suffered an accident."
Regina's expression softened instantly, a flash of something akin to concern crossed her gaze. "What? How is he?"
"He's conscious, but they were still doing different tests." A new wave of unease swirled in her stomach, as the urgent need to run to the hospital took over her. "Killian is there, I need to get to him."
Regina's impassive pose disappeared for a moment, she seemed bewildered for a few seconds until she finally reacted, shaking her head slightly. "Sure, of course, go and inform me when you know anything, Emma."
She simply nodded, the corner of her mouth twisting slightly upward in appreciation before turning and leaving the office and town hall in the direction of the hospital.
Emma only realized the implications of entering the hospital when she arrived there. That was the place where she was born, the place where she had shared the last moment with her parents before they gave her up for adoption. Or at least that was what she supposed. She did not know what had really happened. A tug of regret for not having tried to find out before settled in her stomach.
She wandered through the corridors of the hospital trying to locate the Emergency room while wondering if her parents had also taken that same route when the delivery was approaching, if Mary Margaret would have been in pain, if David would have held her hand in the process. Enough! Emma shook her head in an attempt to make those thoughts disappear. She would have time to find the answers to those questions later. Right now, she needed to find Killian, desperately.
There was no sign of Killian when she arrived in the waiting room though. Who she did locate was Mary Margaret, sitting there while clasping her hands together.
Emma allowed herself a few seconds to observe her before announcing her presence. The expression of concern was evident in the lines of her face, her brow slightly furrowed, her lips pressed together, her gaze lost miles or maybe years away. There was something in her pose though, something stoic, almost regal, as if she was implying that no matter what happened, she was going to get back up and keep fighting.
When Mary Margaret's gaze drifted to meet hers, her eyes went wide and her mouth hung open. "Emma!" She almost screamed as her face lit up. She might have realized her impulsive reaction because she quickly schooled her features in a cautious expression.
Emma looked away uncomfortably, wondering where Killian had gone as she felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks. She forced herself to behave like an adult though, especially given the place and situation she was in, and walked hesitantly to sit near Mary Margaret, leaving a free seat between them.
"Hi, Killian told me... how's David doing? Do you know something new?" Emma asked hating how weak her voice sounded, her heart pounding against her chest.
Mary Margaret shook her head slowly, a shadow of sadness crossing her features. "Nothing yet, I'm afraid." She remained thoughtful for a few seconds until she seemed to remember something. "Killian went to get us something to eat, but he will be here any moment." The corners of her lips twisted slightly upwards.
"I... I'm sorry, I should have brought you something from Granny's, I just ... I didn't think about it." A wave of embarrassment washed over her when she realized that, in her hurry to get to the hospital, she hadn't bothered to bring them a decent meal after God knows how many hours in the hospital. She had not even bothered to eat any food herself.
"It's okay, Emma, I don't even have an appetite." She reached for her arm, but dropped her hand halfway as if she had changed her mind. Emma was aware that her cautious attitude was her own fault, but that did not stop her from feeling a kind of rejection.
An awkward silence fell over them as Emma began to regret having come, she did not feel able to deal with the amount of mixed feelings that collided inside her.
"You know, it's ironic, because David learned of your existence for the first time here, in this same hospital."
Her body tensed, while she began to feel a tingling in the back of her neck at the mere mention of her past. She held her breath, keeping her lips sealed while secretly wishing, and also fearing, that Mary Margaret would continue.
She did not seem to have noticed the effect of her words on Emma, her gaze remained lost, her voice trailing a hint of melancholy. "Luck, or maybe fate, brought him here just two days after your birth."
Emma's heart tightened in her chest, as she watched how Mary Margaret's eyes filled with tears. "I think he never recovered from the fact that he had to say goodbye to you within a few minutes of knowing you existed. He fell enamored of his little baby girl - Emma, of you."
The look of sadness and regret that Mary Margaret gave her caused her eyes to begin to sting while a multitude of new feelings began to crowd inside her, her head spinning, unable to process the information.
"We... we will have time to talk about all that, when he leaves the hospital." It was the only thing Emma could offer at that moment. She was sure that she would not be able to prevent an overwhelming feeling from consuming her if they kept talking.
"I'd like that... We owe you so many explanations ..." Mary Margaret muttered, giving her a smile full of affection that went straight to her heart. She returned the smile while nodding in silence.
That was the moment when Killian decided to appear, holding two sandwiches and two paper cups somewhat precariously between his hand and the prosthesis.
"Hey." Emma wiped away her tears quickly with one hand as she got up and, after giving him a quick peck on the lips, helped him with the food, handing Mary Margaret one of the sandwiches and a cup of coffee.
"I'm sorry love, if I had known you would come, I'd have bought something for you." Killian gave her an apologetic look as he offered her his sandwich.
"We can share. I'm not hungry, really." Mary Margaret added as she handed her half of her sandwich.
"Thank you." Emma accepted through a small smile.
Killian stood there with a confused expression on his face, as if he did not quite believe what was happening in front of him.
Emma did not quite believe it either honestly, but that first step of approaching Mary Margaret, far from frightening her or pushing her away, was helping the barrier around her heart to begin to melt, and she wondered for the first time how it would be experiencing the true love of a family.
Those thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a doctor who was asking about the relatives of David Nolan. The three rose suddenly, approaching the doctor.
"Good afternoon, I'm Dr. Whale and I'm in charge of treating Mr. Nolan." He looked up from his tablet and looked at them. "Are you all family?" He asked with a skeptical expression.
"Of course, I'm his wife." Mary Margaret assured.
"And I am his daughter." Emma snapped, her mouth acting on her own before her brain had time to process the words. But it was the truth, that was how she felt in this moment and no shoddy doctor was going to prevent her from knowing the state of her father.
"And I'm her boyfriend." Killian added, placing an arm around her shoulders in a protective attitude.
The doctor gave them a last skeptical glance before turning back to the tablet. "Mr. Nolan is undoubtedly a fortunate man. Beyond the concussion suffered by the impact, he has only suffered a few bruises and also had a dislocated shoulder, which we have already placed back in its position."
Emma let out the breath she had been holding, a sense of relief spreading all over her body. Killian, on the other hand, pulled her even closer to him as he placed his other arm around Mary Margaret's shoulders.
"Thank God," Mary Margaret muttered, clinging to Killian.
"Since the blow to the head was quite strong, it is advisable that he stay here under observation at least during the night. And now, you can come to visit him, but no more than two people each time, please. He needs to rest." After giving some final instructions, the doctor offered to accompany Mary Margaret to the bay in which her husband was located.
Only when they disappeared from sight did Emma take refuge in Killian, burying her head in his chest, choking back a sob while he wrapped her in a tight hug. "He's fine, Swan, everything's going to be fine." Killian murmured, his reassuring words hiding a deeper meaning to which she decided to cling with all her might. Yes, everything was going to be just fine.
David Nolan. Storybrooke - May 9, 2018
David's head was going to explode. He made an attempt to massage his temples to relieve the pain, but then he realized that it was an almost impossible task. His right arm was in a sling — dislocated shoulder, they had told him — and he had an intravenous line placed in the other arm to administer some type of pain medication, he supposed.
A whine, a mixture of pain and frustration, slid between his lips as he waited desperately for the medicine to make its effect and calm his aching body.
How pathetic, he thought as he remembered the reasons that had led him to be in that situation, run over by a car in his coffee break. He cursed himself for being so stupid or so reckless as to cross the street totally distracted. In his defense, the events of the past few months had kept his mind so busy that he found it difficult to concentrate even on the simplest task.
Now he would have to stay in this damn hospital all night when the only thing he longed for was to get home, to the arms of his wife. At that moment, as if somehow she had been summoned, the curtain opened giving way to Mary Margaret.
"Oh my god, David." His wife hurried to move beside him, the expression on her face a mixture of worry and relief. "You scared the hell out of me! Don't you dare do it again, you hear me?"
"I'm fine, sweetheart." He croaked, feeling his throat dry.
"You got a concussion." She replied as she gently stroked his forehead. His eyes closed instinctively at her touch, as his body began to relax. He still felt the throbbing pain in his head and a slight dizziness, but the mere presence of his wife at his side managed to alleviate some of his discomforts.
"What happened? "She muttered, holding his left hand in hers.
"I got distracted when crossing the street." He admitted without daring to look at his wife, sensing her disapproving expression. "I'm fine, just a blow to the head." He insisted.
They remained silent for a few seconds, just enjoying each other's company while he felt his eyelids grow heavier.
"She's here, David."
Emma... He didn't even have to look at Mary Margaret to know that she was smiling. His heart fluttered furiously at the thought of Emma caring enough for him to go to the hospital.
"We talked, instead of her avoiding me. She listened to me and even smiled. I think she's starting to accept us." This time David did look at his wife, the glimmer of hope in her green eyes so intense that it caused a warm feeling to run through his veins.
"Do you think she'll come... you know, to see me?" David could not prevent a wave of anticipation washing over him.
"I hope so. Do you want me to go look for them? She's still with Killian in the waiting room."
He nodded. "How is Killian?" Even in this situation, the well-being of Killian, and of all his loved ones in general, would always be his priority. Despite his mind puffing from the impact, he supposed that his friend would not have taken the news very well. He only hoped that at least he had found the comfort he needed in his daughter's arms.
"He's fine. I know him well, I know he was probably dying inside, but he tried to stay strong, I guess for me and for Emma. It's amazing how far he's come, David, how he's growing up." Mary Margaret's voice came full of affection towards Killian.
She was right, despite all the suffering he had gone through, it seemed that at last, he was rising from the ashes, revealing the honorable man he was always meant to be. He could not be more proud of him. "She's been his savior."
"Well, I prefer to think that the two managed to save each other. She seems so happy with him..." A tug of some unease settled in the pit of his stomach at the thought that their happiness might have been truncated by their fault, but he quickly forced himself to swallow those feelings. What mattered now was that they were together and that he was about to see them.
"These medicines are beginning to make their effect. Would you mind if... I'd like to see them." He muttered, feeling an extreme weariness overtake him and his mind began to cloud.
"Of course, I'm going to get our kids. I'll see you later." Mary Margaret offered him an affectionate smile before placing a tender kiss on his forehead and leaving the bay, closing the curtain behind her.
The headache was still latent, but a feeling of numbness, of heavy limbs, spread through his body, making it harder to keep himself awake. Just as he was about to surrender to sleep, the curtain opened again.
Despite the pain, a soft smile tugged at his lips as he saw Emma and Killian holding hands and approaching his bed. The lines of concern were still evident on his friend's face, but the corners of his lips rose when his eyes fell on him. Emma, on the other hand, wore a cautious expression. He was aware that the situation she was in couldn't have to be easy, that's why he valued her effort even more.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" To his surprise, it was Emma who spoke first, her lips drawing a tentative smile.
"I feel like I've been hit by a car." Her smile turned into a grin as Killian raised his eyes to the ceiling at his bad joke. "I've been better, but I'll survive."
"You better, mate." Killian raised one eyebrow in warning. "You had us very worried for a while."
"I know, and I'm sorry I made you go through this, but I'm really fine now, quite exhausted, and a little sore, but that's it. I don't know why I have to stay in this damn hospital all night." He huffed.
"Because you got a concussion." Emma and Killian replied in unison, causing a laugh to bubble up in the back of his throat. The sound turned soon into a kind of a whimper, his aching body accusing the effort.
"You should rest, mate." Killian approached him, giving him an affectionate squeeze on his good shoulder. "You will be at home tomorrow but in the meantime, I will try to convince Mary Margaret to go and get some rest, and that I will stay tonight with you, but I'm afraid it will be a difficult task."
"It will be an impossible task, don't even try." He said so quietly that he doubted that his voice had been heard, his eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. "Also, I don't need anyone to stay with me, that chair doesn't seem exactly comfortable and I'm really fine." He made one last weak and failed attempt. Both his wife and Killian could be very stubborn when they set out to do something and he felt too weak to keep insisting.
"You and I know there's no way in hell that's happening, Dave."
"Try to get some sleep, you'll find yourself better tomorrow." Emma's gentle voice made the clouds that were taking over his brain slow their progress.
"Emma..." He raised his left hand slightly, as if he wanted to reach her, reluctant to let her go so soon. "Thank you so much for coming, you don't know how much I value this kind gesture."
When her hand held his, giving it a gentle squeeze, he wasn't sure if he had already fallen asleep and was dreaming. Dream or reality, a feeling of deja-vu seized him while a flash of that distant day in this very place jumped to his memory, a swell of emotion rising in his chest. "You did the same thing the first time we met, your tiny little hand clung to my finger that day..." He whispered. The last thing he saw before his eyes finally closed was a watery, intense gaze through the prettiest green eyes he'd ever seen in his life.
Emma Swan. Storybrooke - May 9, 2018
Her heart beat frantically in her chest as they finally made their way back to the waiting room. Both the previous confession from Mary Margaret and David's last words before falling asleep had caused a strange sensation to spread through her body, a mixture of confusion and a desire to know more.
"Are you okay, love?" Killian asked, as he pulled her to his side, a protective arm around her shoulders.
"Yeah, a little overwhelmed with everything that's happening, I guess." She admitted through a weak smile.
They didn't have much more time to talk as Mary Margaret came out to meet them as soon as she saw them arrive in the waiting room, asking them about David's condition.
Killian and his friend talked for a while, he trying to convince her to go home to sleep since he was more rested for having had the day off. She, of course, refused any attempt, crossing her arms over her chest and pursing her lips.
"I'm not leaving, Killian, and that's final!" She stated, thrusting her chin upward.
"Fine." Killian growled, throwing his arms in the air. "But I'm not going either, I'll sleep here, in the bloody waiting room."
"Oh, no, you won't."
"I can assure you that I will." Killian challenged, causing Mary Margaret to roll her eyes. "I'm going to walk Emma to her car and I'll come back here."
Emma watched the scene between the two friends as she tried to hold back the smirk that threatened to form on her lips. There was no doubt that despite her seemingly fragile appearance, Mary Margaret was a bit of a spitfire. Just like me, and for the first time, that thought did not scare her at all, quite the contrary.
The mention of her name made Mary Margaret address her, still unwilling to bury the hatchet, apparently. "This boyfriend of yours is so stubborn... I'm afraid you'll sleep alone tonight, honey." Although she was still slightly frowning, her expression softened as she talked to her.
"I'll manage." she mumbled, looking down at her feet. Maybe Mary Margaret hadn't realized the meaning of her words, but Emma did. Her cheeks began to burn at the thought of talking to her mother about sleeping with a guy. Gods! What had her life become in the last hours? From completely ignoring the existence of her parents to now, where she felt like a kind of teenager in front of them...
Killian came to her rescue then, wrapping her waist, and gently pulling her toward the exit. Before leaving, Mary Margaret said goodbye to her warmly but keeping her distance, which she appreciated. She was not ready yet for more physical contact.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, Emma lost in thought as tiredness took over her. This perpetual roller coaster of emotions was taking its toll, clearly. After more than two months sleeping in Killian's arms, the idea of returning to her solitary apartment wasn't appealing at all. But she understood him and respected his decision.
Once they arrived at the place where her car was parked, she stopped, facing him. "Just for the record, had you been in David's place, I would have stayed with you too."
A shadow crossed his face darkening his features while he clutched his grip on her waist, pulling her even closer. "I can't even imagine if you were the one who..." He trailed off and suddenly his lips were on hers offering her a searing and demanding kiss, cupping her face with both his hand and his prosthesis. She barely had time to react, returning the kiss with earnest when he pulled away almost as abruptly as he began, resting his forehead with hers.
"It's not that I'm complaining..." She muttered as she tried to catch her breath... "But what's that all about?"
Killian parted enough for his gaze to bore into hers, still holding her face, his thumb brushing her cheek lightly. "I love you, Emma. Gods! I love you much."
Her mouth fell open as she tried to process his words, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering and her heart thudding in her chest.
"You're a bloody wonder, love, and I know you needed to be very brave and compassionate and kind to come here in spite of everything." He paused, while running his tongue across his lips in a movement too distracting. "Maybe it's too soon, or maybe not, but... with everything that has happened with David... I wasn't able to hold back these words for any longer, so I'll understand if you aren't ready yet..."
"I love you too." Emma assured him by cutting off his rambling. After a few seconds in which he was speechless, gazing at her in awe, his face split into a giant grin as a special glow appeared in his eyes, making them impossibly blue. This time, it was she who captured his lips, reluctant to part just yet.
Only after someone yelled at them to get a room did they separated. "I'll miss you in my bed tonight." She mumbled against his lips before pulling away and finally getting into the car.
She left him there, in the middle of the parking lot, gaping, a wrecked expression on his face, while her chest swelled with pride at being aware that she and only she was the cause of his state.
While driving to her apartment, she thought that sooner or later she would finally have to face her past and decide what future she wanted to follow, whether she wanted to give her family a chance or if, on the contrary, their relationship was damaged beyond of reparation despite the advances of these last days.
She shook her head, causing those thoughts to vanish, at least for a while. She would have time to think about them later. For the moment, she indulged herself in the fact that she had taken a step forward in her relationship with Killian, finally uttering the words that had been bubbling inside her until then. She felt her chest bursting with happiness. And that was just the beginning. From now on, the sky was the limit.
Letters to Emma from her father, 1989-2018
Sitting cross-legged on her bed, Emma stared at the box she had placed in front of her, not daring to open it, for fear of what she might find inside.
Three days had passed since David's accident and she hadn't yet decided what to do with the Nolans. Her heart screamed that both she and they deserved an opportunity. She felt in the depths of her soul the longing to be part of a family, to begin to build a future together. Her mind, however, remained cold. If she didn't give them a chance she wouldn't risk getting hurt along the way.
There was something she was sure of though. It was fair to get all the information to be able to decide. And that meant gathering enough courage to read David's letters. She may not owe them anything else, but she at least did owe them that.
She was waiting for Killian to arrive to read the letters together. Maybe it wasn't the most appropriate decision, maybe she was violating some rule of intimacy by showing another person the contents of a letter written just for her, but there was no way in hell she could do it alone. And besides, Killian was one of those affected in this whole story, wasn't he?
Her heart skipped a beat as she heard the clink of keys against the lock, both from the fact that Killian now had a spare key to her apartment but also it meant that the inevitable was about to happen. She was going to immerse herself in her past. She just hoped that Killian's protective arms would act as a lifeline.
"Emma, are you home?" Killian's voice came from the hall.
"Over here." She called, hoping her voice wasn't shaking.
Killian stopped short when he opened the door and entered the room, his gaze traveling from the box to her face, a small wrinkle of confusion adorning his forehead.
"I want to do it, I want to read them, but I can't do it alone. So... would you mind joining me, please?" She asked not bothering to hide the hint of pleading in her voice as her right shoulder tensed up around her hear and her lips drew a small pout.
Killian continued looking at her for a few seconds, letting out a deep exhale. "I'm not sure I should intervene in this, love. It's something between you and your parents."
"It wouldn't be an intervention, just moral support." She insisted while holding her breath. A thought crossed her mind then, causing her determination to falter. She had no idea of the content of those letters but what if Killian also appeared in them? What if reading the letters not only meant traveling to her past but also to his? She needed to abort the mission right now.
She got up suddenly, grabbing the box with the intention of returning it to its hiding place, feeling like her heart dropped into her stomach. "You're right, this is a bad idea. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight." She mumbled, a wave of shame washing over her at the thought that she had been so self-centered that she had forgotten how others could feel.
Killian was at her side in a split second, slowing her progress. "Easy, Swan. What the hell are you doing?"
She swallowed hard, feeling her hands burning from the contact with the box as she deliberately avoided Killian's gaze. "It's a bad idea." She repeated weakly.
"Emma, love, talk to me, please." He muttered, as he gently pushed her chin forcing her to raise her head and look him in the eye.
A deep sigh escaped her lips as she squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds. The look he gave her when she finally opened them again was filled with a mixture of concern and devotion. "These letters may contain not only part of my past, or rather the absence of my past, but also of yours. I wouldn't want your wounds reopened because of me, Killian."
Letting out a heavy breath, he ran his hand over his scruff. "We're in this together, Swan, or don't you remember agreeing to walk together until we reach the light at the end of the tunnel?" The way he was using her own words to cheer her up caused a warm sensation to run through her whole body, the memory of that day bringing a faint smile to her lips.
His lips also drew a small smile in encouragement, his eyes never leaving hers. "These bloody letters may make us fall into a dark hole, but I'm sure we're going to get out of there hopefully having left behind some of our burdens."
There was so much honesty and determination both in his speech and in his expression that she had no choice but to trust him. "Okay, let's do this." She breathed out.
Killian's smile widened as he took the box from her hands and placed it back on the bed. Next, he took off his shoes and sat with his back against the headboard, leaving a gap for her between his spread legs. "Come here, love." He waved his hand inviting her to come closer.
The moment she climbed onto the bed, emulating her previous position, Killian wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her right shoulder in a position that allowed him to read as she did.
Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly, while closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she finally made up her mind and took the lid off the box, holding her breath. There were several objects inside, including a pile of letters tied with a string, but she focused first on the handwritten note that was on top, following the instructions: Read this note first.
The note was attached to a sheet of paper folded in half. With trembling fingers, she unfolded the paper and found what appeared to be the first letter, also handwritten. She felt Killian's arms tighten slightly around her waist as if encouraging her to read. And that she did.
My dearest Emma,
If you have come this far it's because somehow you have decided to give us an opportunity to offer you the explanations you deserve even though it's through this way. I could not be more grateful for that, but let me inform you first about what you will find inside this box. I wrote you a letter every day on your birthday and some more, baring my soul in them and expressing my wish that someday we could meet you. Our wishes have come true, finally. I just hope it was not too late.
There is also a series of small objects, simple trinkets that shouldn't even be considered gifts, but we couldn't resist acquiring them as soon as our eyes fell on them, because for some reason, they made us think of you. But I will offer the explanation to each of the objects later. First things first. Let me tell you a short tale before you start reading the letters.
Emma ignored David's suggestion and, before continuing, reached into the box, looking for those non-gifts, while her heart constricted in her chest.
There was a small rag doll with golden hair and green eyes, dressed as a kind of princess from a fairy tale. Emma also found a small glass figure carved in the shape of a unicorn. And an old storybook that included an illustration of The Ugly Duckling story on the cover. The irony, Emma thought as the corners of her lips lifted slightly. From that angle, she couldn't see Killian, but the way his scruff tickled the exposed skin of her neck made her think he was smiling too.
And finally, there was the camera. It was one of those disposable devices and Emma doubted if it would even still work, but the very thought that her parents had believed she would like it caused her stomach to flutter as she blinked a couple of times, holding back tears.
If just by observing those objects she was about to burst into tears, Emma wondered what would become of her when she immersed herself in the contents of the letters.
As if he sensed her uneasiness, Killian whispered in her ear. "You can do it, love."
Nodding almost imperceptibly, Emma steeled herself and grabbed back the first letter, ready to read the short tale her father had written for her.
Once upon a time a boy and a girl fell hopelessly in love when they were still young and innocent.
They longed to build a life together, a promising future awaited them, but on the way to achieving their dreams, they must be separated for a while.
When the boy left, he did it with endless promises that he trusted to fulfill. But what neither of them knew was that the product of their love had begun to grow inside her.
Unfortunately, with his departure, the girl was left alone and unprotected, so the evil stepmother took advantage of her vulnerability to spread her claws and try to destroy the happiness that she would never get.
The girl, sad and desperate, fell into her stepmother's trap, believing that she really would not be able to offer her daughter her best chance, thinking that she too could not destroy her boyfriend's promising future by burdening him with a responsibility he did not have requested.
But luck, or fate, made the boy return to the town with enough time to meet his daughter and also to say goodbye to her, the tiny baby girl carrying part of his heart with her while he watched helplessly how she was taken away - perhaps forever - without him having the chance to hold her in his arms for even a few seconds.
And this is where you appear, my dear daughter.
This tale hasn't yet reached the end, and that is why I'm hoping against hope that we will be able to write our happily ever after together.
Dropping the paper, Emma pressed her lips together as she leaned her back against Killian's chest, breathing hard and unable to prevent a tear that slid down her cheek.
Although David had not offered details, the few written touches did serve to paint the scenario of a young girl alone and manipulated by her stepmother. She could now understand the reasons and although that would not mean that the pain of abandonment would ease, at least it did allow her to feel lighter. Her mother had not given her up for adoption because she thought she wasn't enough, but because she believed that she wasn't going to be able to give her her best chance.
She kept her eyes closed for a few seconds as she tried to calm her agitated breathing with the help of Killian, who alternated light kisses, barely a brush of his lips on the skin of the curve of her neck, with soothing words whispered in her ear.
Just when she seemed to have calmed down enough, the image of the stepmother came to her memory. Emma straightened her back as she turned her head slightly looking for Killian's eyes. "Mary Margaret's stepmother... she was Regina's mother, wasn't she?"
Killian nodded, pressing his lips together. "Aye, she was the one who took care of Mary Margaret when her father passed away, even though they had already divorced at the time."
"Regina knew it, didn't she? She was there when all this happened, right?" She clenched her jaw as he nodded again, increasing her decision to quit that job as soon as possible.
The reading of the first letter seemed to pave the way to the following since, once recovered, Emma grabbed the pile of letters and untied the string that held them together, leaving them in her lap and holding the first one, dated October 1990, the day of her first birthday.
The first letters were not an easy journey, as she had already anticipated. A bittersweet sensation settled in the pit of her stomach as she (they) read along.
There were smiles when David narrated some of his experiences in Storybrooke with Mary Margaret and how the town seemed not to have changed in the least almost thirty years later.
She shed more tears, first for the death of Ruth, David's mother —her grandmother— and for the reasons behind their decision to leave the town and try a new beginning on the other side of the ocean, the burden of memories too heavy for them.
She also cried for herself since, while David clung to the hope that she would be happy with a family that loved her, the reality had been very different. Each of his words acted like a dart to her already broken heart because, if they hadn't had that certainty, maybe they could have fought for her, maybe... Emma shook her head, it wouldn't do her any good to lament about what could have been. That wouldn't make the past change. Now she had no choice but to look ahead.
The letter in which she turned ten was also the one that brought Killian on stage. She noticed how his body tensed, as his arms tightened even more around her waist when his written name appeared for the first time.
From there, they continued the trip together, holding each other while they faced their ghosts of the past in the best possible way.
The feeling of jealousy and envy was there, latent, ready to strike from time to time in the form of a reminder that they had been there for him, sharing happy experiences, acting as a family, unconventional, but a family after all, while she had had to keep fighting and facing new abandonments, new disappointments, new rejections.
The letter that almost ended up breaking her was the one David had written a few months after she had turned eighteen. She already knew in advance that even though David's birthday letter had held the promise that they would come looking for her now that she had become an adult, they never would. But having the written confirmation that they had deliberately chosen Killian instead of opting for the tiny possibility of being able to recover their own daughter caused a pain almost impossible to bear.
Because irony had wanted that, while it was true that Killian had been going through the most traumatic moment of his life with the loss of his brother, she had also gone through hell at that time, locked in prison, alone and vulnerable after being once again abandoned and betrayed in the vilest way possible.
She had to stop reading, tears so plentiful that her vision blurred. She also noticed moisture at the height of her shoulder, where Killian was resting his head. That and the slight tremor of his body against hers were indicative enough that Killian was also crying.
Emma's heart ached for him, because he had been just another victim of the vicissitudes of life. She turned her head again, searching his eyes. The expression she found was so laden with guilt and regret that she could do nothing but turn around and straddle his lap, facing him, while cupping his face with both hands.
"Hey, Killian, look at me." She mumbled as he stroked his hair softly.
"I'm so sorry, Emma." He managed to say through a broken voice.
"It's not your fault, Killian, I mean it." Emma tried to convey both with her voice and her eyes, her raws feelings. "I'm not going to deny that it hurts like hell, that that twinge of pain has increased, but deep down, I'm glad they were there for you. If it hadn't been for them..." Her voice trailed off while she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. She couldn't deny the obvious, if David and Mary Margaret hadn't been there to support him he might never have recovered.
Killian stared at her for a few seconds until he pulled her toward him, burying his head in her chest as they both melted into a tight embrace, their hearts beating in unison as they both found comfort in each other's arms.
"David was right," Killian muttered, pulling away a little to look into her eyes. "Reading about Liam is like opening the wound again..." his lips drew a small smile, a halo of melancholy reflected on his face, "... but with you by my side, I feel stronger, Emma."
"David was wrong about something though." Before continuing, Emma bit her lower lip, hesitant about expressing aloud the thought that had crossed her mind.
Killian tilted his head slightly, looking at her intently. "About what?"
"About Liam. It's true that I didn't know him personally, but I do feel like I've known him. He's alive in these stories, Killian." Emma pointed to the letters they had just read, scattered on her bed. "And he is alive here." She laid her hand on Killian's chest, at the level of his heart. "And here." Then she brought her hand to his forehead. "And on all those photo albums you have in your apartment."
He closed his eyes and leaned forward, resting his forehead on hers. "Emma..." The way he pronounced her name, in a reverent sigh, sent a chill down her spine but she needed to continue with what she had started.
"I'm glad that both you and David have allowed me to get to know him through your memories." Killian shortened the distance between them, his soft, warm lips brushing hers and then hugging her again.
They remained in that position for what seemed like hours. It wasn't that she complained, she had learned that being in Killian's arms doing nothing, simply enjoying his warmth and the security he offered, had become one of her little pleasures. But Emma was beginning to fear that maybe the time to finish reading had passed. He soon pulled her out of her uncertainty, to her pleasant surprise.
"I think we still have a few cards left, Swan. Shall we?"
"Are you sure?"
Before answering, he took a deep breath. "Aye, let's go with it."
They didn't return to their original position though. Emma sat on his lap, but with her legs stretched out on the bed. She leaned on her side against Killian's chest, holding the letters at the right angle so he could read too as he wrapped both arms around her waist.
Together they resumed the journey through Killian's memories as they read David's letters. This last stage of the trip was perhaps the most painful, at least for Killian, since he had to relive not only the loss of Milah and the traumatic experience of the impact that took away his hand and almost his future, but they also discovered the torment that David had suffered all these years, trying to be the rock that his loved ones needed when he was dying inside.
The last letter was dated only a few months earlier, on the day of her last birthday, when she had received the gift that would change her life forever. David had mentioned Killian in that letter, as a premonition, anticipating that their paths would cross. What no one could have imagined at that time was the depth of feelings that would develop between them after that first encounter.
There was something implicit in the contents of the letters, something she hoped Killian would have noticed, too. The relationship David and Mary Margaret had with Killian was not based on the responsibility they felt towards him. They had loved Killian throughout those years and they were still loving him now. She could understand where those unfounded concerns of Killian came from, but maybe it was time to leave behind any vestige related to that fear.
She really was grateful that they had the opportunity to dedicate that love to at least one of them. "They love you, you know that, right?" She mumbled as her fingers drew delicate patterns on Killian's chest.
"I do. I do know it now. They love you too, Swan, even though they have not had the chance to prove it to you until now, but if you let them..." He paused for a few seconds as if deciding whether to continue or not. "I'm sorry, it's just up to you to give them a chance or not, but at least I hope that reading the letters has helped you understand them better."
The wound was still fresh. Maybe it had stopped bleeding but the edges were still tender. Reading the letters was meant to apply a bandage on that wound, and now she only hoped it would be enough for it to finish healing.
Still, her heart had begun to flutter in anticipation, as a wave of longing took hold of her. She also wanted to be part of future letters, she deserved to experience what it meant to be part of a family and if she had to forgive them and trust that the bandage was enough, so be it.
"I'm tired of fighting, of protecting my heart, Killian." She admitted, raising her head as she searched his gaze. "Even though I may need your help. I'm not an expert on this family thing, you know."
The smile he gave her had the ability to illuminate the entire bedroom. "You just have to trust me, Swan."
"I do." She returned a smile that she hoped matched his, before laying her head back on his chest.
Maybe it was the rhythmic beating of his heart against her ear or the soft sway of her body in his arms, whatever it was, Emma felt her eyelids grow heavier as a sense of drowsiness overtook her. Before surrendering to sleep, she clung to the last thought, like a premonition, that crossed her mind. A little girl, with green eyes and dark hair, lay in her crib while holding in her arms an old rag doll dressed like a princess from a fairytale.
When Emma woke up a little later, she was alone in bed, a thin blanket covering her body. She sat up confused, looking around through her narrowed eyes as she tried to get rid of the vestiges of sleep. There was no sign of the letters on the bed, but the box containing them had been placed right at the foot, on Killian's side. A handwritten note that had not been there before was stuck on the lid of the box.
Emma reached out a hand to get the note, finding a text written in Killian's cursive handwriting.
I hope you have achieved the restful sleep that you deserved after experiencing so many emotions. I would have stayed with you, watching over your dreams, but I needed to do something first. I needed to express my feelings towards my (our, I hope) family. I will return to you soon. I love you, yours, Killian.
She held the note against her chest and dropped her head back onto the pillow, thinking that maybe the time had come to finally pay a visit to her family.
Killian Jones. Storybrooke - May 12, 2018
The moment the door opened and he found Mary Margaret on the other side, Killian pounced on her, wrapping her in a bear hug. She remained still at first, unable to react, but then returned the hug in earnest. They continued that way for a few seconds, Killian letting himself be carried away by the sensation of calm that always emanated from his friend while the swirl of feelings dancing inside him became more intense.
The letters had been a revelation for him, so he didn't mind to have gone through that tortuous path of reliving his past if it meant he finally managed to see that light at the end of the tunnel, at least as regards his relationship with his friends.
"Killian, you're scaring me, what's going on?" Only Mary Margaret's voice, full of worry, got him separated from her. David chose that moment to appear from the kitchen, a cloth over his left shoulder.
His brow furrowed as his gaze traveled from Killian to his wife and back. "What's happening?"
Something caught Killian's attention, making him forget for a moment the reason for his visit. "Where's your sling, mate?" His gaze shifted to the cloth. "Don't tell me you're cooking... You should rest, Dave." He scolded him while shaking his head, unable to believe that his friend was so careless about his health.
David rolled his eyes as Mary Margaret snorted at his side. "Believe me, I've tried Killian, but this man can be incorrigible at times."
"I'm fine." David snapped defensively. "Actually, being stuck here at home helplessly is driving me crazy." He massaged his temples before continuing. "So I'll go back to work tomorrow."
"No, you won't." Mary Margaret raised a finger in warning.
"But..."
"It's Sunday." Killian interrupted, getting both of them to turn their heads towards him. As much as he enjoyed these little domestic fights, since they reminded him of home, he had come for a specific purpose. "Tomorrow is Sunday, so I'm afraid you'll still have to spend another day here, mate." He smirked at him while wagging his eyebrows.
"You aren't helping, Killian." He huffed in annoyance.
"Maybe not, but I'm sure that when you know why I'm here you'll have a reason to enjoy a quiet Sunday at home."
"Are you sure everything is fine?" Mary Margaret asked as she reached out her hand to give him an affectionate squeeze on his biceps.
"Aye, everything is fine." His stomach tightened into knots, but he forced himself to swallow any hesitation he might feel. "Emma and I... she asked me to read the letters with her. We did it this afternoon."
David's eyes widened as Mary Margaret covered her mouth with one hand, both looking at him intently, as if inviting him to continue.
"Maybe I shouldn't have done it, because they're letters that you wrote exclusively to her, but she asked me and..."
"I'm glad you did it, Killian." David cut him off while nodding. "I'm glad you were with her through it."
"I'm not going to speak for her, she'll be the one to do it when she feels ready, but..." His voice trailed off as he felt a wave of emotion creeping up his throat. He swallowed again, hoping to keep his voice stable enough. "It's been painful to relive those moments, but thanks to those letters I've realized something that maybe I should have noticed before."
"Oh, Killian." Mary Margaret squeezed his arm affectionately again, while it was evident that she was making great efforts to maintain her composure.
"You guys have always been with me, in good times, as well as in not so good ones, as in my incursions to hell. I will never be able to thank you enough for letting me be part of your family, for having welcomed me and made me feel loved even though I wasn't able to prove it or to reciprocate it to you then."
"Of course you are part of our family, Killian." It was all David said before wrapping him in a tight hug, charged with emotion to which Mary Margaret joined a few seconds later.
They remained there, embraced for a while, as Killian felt all the power of memories dancing around them. Emma was right, Liam would always be part of this family, he would stay alive forever in their hearts.
A sudden knock on the door interrupted the moment. His heart skipped a beat in anticipation, trusting that his Swan had already woken up and gained enough determination to follow in his footsteps.
This time, it was David who opened the door. Indeed, Emma was there. His chest swelled with pride as he saw that his beautiful, brave and talented Emma was finally ready to take the step that would bring her back into the arms of her family.
"Emma! What a pleasant surprise." David welcomed her, unable to hide the joy in his voice. "Come in, come in." He stepped aside, allowing Emma to enter the living room.
"Hey, guys." She greeted them, holding a tight smile as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Her eyes then traveled to David's right arm as her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Where's your sling?"
"Oh my God." He heard Mary Margaret muttering at his side as he kept his lips pressed together in an attempt to hold back a chuckle.
"Maybe he will listen to his daughter now." Killian leaned down to whisper in his friend's ear causing her eyes to go wide as she clung to his arm and gave him a pleading look. He nodded subtly and then turned back to Emma.
"Well..." David mumbled as he ran his hand down his chin.
Mary Margaret seemed to take pity on her husband as she ran to David's side, hooking her arm in his good one and giving Emma a warm look. "I'm glad you're here. Can I offer you a drink?"
Emma shook her head as she looked in Killian's direction briefly. He nodded quietly, encouraging her to continue. "No, not for the moment at least. I... look, this is hard for me so I'm going to drop everything now, okay?"
Everyone remained silent looking at Emma carefully. Before continuing, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I suppose Killian has already told you, but we've read the letters this afternoon - all of them, which means a lot, but anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you don't need to write me any more letters... I, well, I'm here," Emma shrugged her shoulders as her lips drew a half smile, "so we can just, talk in person..." Killian was dying to be by her side, to support her at this moment, but he was also aware that it was something she had to do for herself.
"You mean birthdays and other events like in the letters?" David asked tentatively.
Emma shook her head while licking her lips. "No, I mean that, if you allow me, I'd like to be part of all this." She waved her hand, encompassing everything around her.
"Oh Emma." Mary Margaret muttered as she reached out to hold Emma's hand. "Of course, you've always been part of this family, although we haven't been able to prove it to you until now."
"Thank you so much, sweetheart, for giving us this opportunity to do things right with you for once." The raw emotion was evident in both the voice and the expression of David. He himself felt a warm feeling spread to his heart as he witnessed how the three most important people in his life finally reunited forever.
"Can I... can I hold you?" Mary Margaret offered in a soft voice. Emma blinked a couple of times, but was unable to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. She could only nod in response to her mother's request.
Something pulled on Killian the moment Emma's parents finally embraced their daughter, no lies, no secrets between them anymore, just the sincere embrace of three people who had been separated for too long.
His fingers began to tingle with the need to immortalize the moment and make it eternal. They deserved it. In the absence of his camera, he took the phone out of his pocket, and shot a few pictures quickly and then he took it more calmly, focusing on capturing the emotion, the endless feelings that were reflected in the faces of his friends and his girlfriend.
David looked at him with a frown, but also with a smile on his lips. "Stop thinking about photography for a moment and come here to join your family." He happily obliged, at least in part, since, before joining the first — he hoped— of many family hugs he reached out as he held the phone in his hand and then shot.
While he was immersed in the embrace, surrounded by the love of his life and the people who had been his family for twenty years, he made a mental note to include that photo in a privileged place in the photo album that Emma had given him for his birthday, willing, more than ever, to keep filling that album of memories in the form of images. The memories of his family. The memories of the new life that awaited them all. Together.
TheLadySwan Life is composed of small pieces of a puzzle that fit together little by little. Sometimes the last piece takes time to appear, or it's difficult to fit at the beginning, but when it finally does and you are able to observe the complete picture, you feel a sense of fulfillment and the certainty that, no matter what awaits us in the future, no matter if at some point the pieces of the puzzle are separated again, we will always find a way to unite them.
This is the end, almost...
What to expect from the epilogue? I hope you all enjoy the last stage of this journey celebrating Emma's new birthday... and more...
Thanks for reading. Let me know what did you all think :)