***Content warning: Mention of suicide***

Chapter 2: Welcome to the Normandy

A cold, dark silence surrounds me. No light in sight. It's eerie, but still seems peaceful. Have I died? With a thump, a steady heartbeat breaks the silence. No, I'm alive. The sound echoes as the blackness surrounding me changes. Is this a dream, or a nightmare? I wonder.

Suddenly, the blackness surrounding me bursts into a fiery red. With the flames of a fire and the loudness of an explosion, I'm confronted by a new scene.

Everything is on fire around me.

Through the flames, I can only see more darkness. Shadowy figures, blacker than the darkness, stand as they stare at me. Who are they?

In a menacing way, these figures point at me. "The only one." They say in a dark, ominous tone. Their eyes glow a bright red as the drumming of the heartbeat—my heartbeat—becomes the bass behind the sudden sound of an alarm. Then, a downpour of rain begins dowsing the fire.

While the flames dissipate within the darkness, the smoke rises from the ground up to surround the darkened figures. As if they were being swallowed by the smoke, the darkened figures fade away, leaving the eerie darkened room.

Once the smoke clears, I'm able to see polished tables and computers on either side of me. I'm standing in the middle of a science lab of sorts.

Lining the walls were containers. Standing upright, these containers, although darkened and barely noticeable, have doors with windows showing what contains them. People. Each coffin-like container has a different symbol etched on its outside. A series of numbers. Brandings. Each starting with a single letter. A's, K's, H's, T's, followed with hyphenated three-digit numbers.

What is this? I ask the darkness. My gaze moves down each container as the numbers increase in value.

I continue down this path until I reach a lone container.

Instead of looking into a darkened window, the inside to this container is lit. However, there is no body inside. Only the branding number etched on the outside: H-990. A word, also etched on the container, is visible—but illegible. I can't read it. My vision is blurred, but only to this one word.

Why can't I read it? I ask myself, frustrated.

Then, with a slow pull, the scene blackens completely. Now, only the darkness surrounds me. Again.

It must have been hours before I finally regained consciousness from this dream.

Before I can open my eyes, I can hear people talking. Patiently waiting, I keep my eyes closed. Who is talking? "A tactician was all who survived a krogan attack?" A man asks.

Great, they must have been the ones who rescued me. They must think I'm a coward for not perishing with the crew of the Goliath.

"Miss Knight is a soldier as well as a tactician, Danial." A woman says, as if also reading the information.

So, they've already had access to my personal records. Great. Now, I just have to explain how I managed to be the only one to survive a full-on krogan infiltration team. Compared to the crew of the Goliath combined, I should have died—easily.

"But, she's not as strong as all of the other soldiers on the Goliath combined." The man, Danial, says in frustration.

See? Even this man knows I should have died.

"I mean, just look at her, Doctor. She's only one woman! There's no way she could have fought back an army of krogan by herself!"

"Don't judge her too quickly. All we know about her is the information Admiral Coen has given us." The woman says and Danial sighs. "We have to wait until she wakes up. Then we can ask her what happened."

You know, at first I thought this woman was nice. But, now, I'm not so sure. She wants to try to understand how, out of all of the other crew members aboard the Goliath, I was the only one who managed to survive.

Don't we all?

"I know. Sorry, Dr. T'Soni." Danial says and I feel someone touch my arm.

T'Soni? Where have I heard that name? Suddenly, the flash of a vision—of me seeing a picture of the crew of the Normandy—fills my mind. They're all standing in front of the Normandy SR-2. But, I've never personally seen this photo. My research of Commander Shepard never included pictures of any kind. This is weird.

Then, just as suddenly as the vision ends, I hear Dr. T'Soni gasp. "Doctor? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I hear Dr. T'Soni say with a calm sigh and I open my eyes. "Miss Knight?"

Silently, I study the room. The room is bright. So bright that it nearly hurts my eyes. Dr. T'Soni, an asari dressed in white armor, stands next to me, while Danial sits on the bed next to me in an Alliance standard compression shirt and camo pants.

"For a tactician, you're very quiet." Danial says and I sit up. Then, I cringe as I feel the pain of the bullet wounds. "We almost lost you back there."

"If you don't mind…may I ask you a few questions?" Dr. T'Soni asks and I look at her as I sit up all the way to face her. Then, I nod. "I know this is still new for you, but we need to know how the attack on the Goliath happened."

Here we go...

"All I remember is…" Stoically, I say as the scene begins playing out in my mind. The bright lights that usually light the Goliath becomes dulled. "…the emergency lights switching on as the Goliath attempts FTL…" The scene continues. The Goliath rocks slightly, making me lose my footing. I catch myself before falling as I look all around me. The lights flicker as I hear loud knocking on the outside of the ship. "Then, the ship lost its shields…" I continue. The crew begins running in panic. While some are trying to concentrate on navigating the ship, soldiers prepare to greet our guests. "…and, then the krogan…" Continuing, I feel my heart racing. The sense of fear starts to overwhelm me as I watch a row of asari soldiers frantically trying to fight off the krogan. The turian and human soldiers back them, but the krogan charged. There are more of them, nearly outnumbering the Goliath's soldiers. As I witness this, I hide inside a vent overlooking the specialist's terminal. I abandoned them. Moments later, it was silent. I drop down from the vent to see the krogan almost leave. "Then…I was shot."

"You were attempting FTL?" Danial asks and I nod. "Why?"

"We were supposed to be en-route for the next mission…" I say and bow my head. "It was to be coordinated by me…"

"Have you had run-ins with krogan before?" Danial asks and I nod.

"I was trained for this. I should have fought back…I should have-" I say and feel a hand on my shoulder. Dr. T'Soni is trying to comfort me. "Even my training in the Alliance prepared me for fighting the krogan, but...I hid away in a vent while the krogan attacked. The ship was quiet when I got out, but..."

"It's not your fault." Dr. T'Soni says and I look up at her. Suddenly, as I look at her, I see memories of me looking at her from afar—admiring her. The memories stop as she takes her hand off my shoulder.

"I was…talking to Admiral Coen before…" I say and look away. This ship seems oddly familiar. As if I've been here before. "Is this…" I ask as I notice a symbol of the Aliance navy. "…the Normandy?"

"Yes. This is the Normandy." Dr. T'Soni says.

"This is…?" I ask as a memory of me looking at a ship through glass fills my mind. The name "Normandy" is written across the body of the ship in bold. My heart starts beating faster, with nervousness. I've kept my studies a secret from the Alliance for the ten years that I've been a soldier. The history of this ship isn't public knowledge these days. "The Normandy…I…read about this ship in school." I lie as I continue to see the memory of the Normandy. In truth, I remembered my search for information about the commander. All I found were notes, but the Normandy was heavily mentioned in nearly every report.

"Really? I thought they stopped teaching schools about the Normandy decades ago. Not even the Alliance training schools teach the history of the Normandy anymore." Danial says as I feel their distrust in me. Although expected, this snaps me back into the reality that I'm finally inside the ship I've been reading about for several years now—researching about Commander Shepard.

"The ship…this was…" I start saying and see the vision of Commander Shepard and her crew in front of the Normandy become clearer. "…Commander Shepard's."

"Yes. Commander Shepard used this ship during the war with the Reapers." Dr. T'Soni says as she steps into my field of view. "How did you know that?"

"Yeah, you've only been awake for a few minutes. We never told you the name of the ship, or its history." Danial says with his arms crossed. He's suspicious of me. For good reason, but it's still disheartening.

"I remember the Admiral calling this ship the Normandy just before I lost consciousness." I say as I remember the scene. I was covered in blood, tired, and my eyes were closed. "I learned that Commander Shepard was stationed on this ship before the war…" I say as I feel my head throb and raise a hand up to my face with an exhausted sigh. "…I'm sorry."

"Maybe it was too soon to try and talk." Danial says and stands up. "She's probably just delirious from the blood loss."

Although he has a point, and it could logically explain the visions as well, it seems they haven't noticed that I was lying about learning about the Normandy in school. Lucky for me, I guess.

As I think about how naïve those two are, I notice that they both have already started walking out of the room.

"We'll let you get some rest, Miss Knight." Dr. T'Soni says, just before she walks out of the med bay with Danial.

But, that dream I had. Containers? They were like coffins! People were kept in them! What was te point of that? What about the numbers? What is the significance of the letters? What's so special about the H-990 from the end of the dream?

Wait. Don't tell me.

Frantically, I peek down my shirt and my arm sleeves. On one of my arms is a haunting black tattoo. It's been years since I've even thought about it. When I was younger, my space rat friends would joke that I drank too much alcohol and got a tattoo as a result of being drunk. "Typical human," they would add as they laughed at my irresponsibility. But, I've had this tattoo for what seems like forever.

When I lift up my sleeve, I look into a metal piece across from me. It reflects my body nearly perfectly. Even with the tattoo displayed backwards, I can read what it says. And it haunts me. A grim "H-990" is written boldly on my bicep.

Shit! Now is not the time for any of this!

As I try to keep my composure, I quickly roll my sleeve back down to cover the tattoo. This has something to do with that dream, I just know it.

Hopefully, the dream was just that: a dream. A product of built up paranoia from seeing so many dead bodies on the Goliath, paired with the exhaustion from losing so much blood.

As Danial said, I must be delirious. Overacting to a dream, as if it were real.

After nodding to myself, telling myself that the dream was just a dream, I lay back down.

For a while, I'll just lay here in the med-bay. I hope this ship has a place where I can look at the stars.

-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later, I was released to the crew quarters. Apparently, while Dr. T'Soni and Danial were speaking with him, the Admiral decided it would be best if I joined their crew—for now, anyway. However, I was relieved of my title as tactician since they already have a tactician with twice my experience.

For now, I'm just a soldier.

After sitting alone for several minutes, contemplating about the past few days, I hear someone walk in the room from behind me. "Hey. Knight, right?" A woman asks and I look at her. A tall woman with short spiked blue-colored hair. "I'm Kiera. It's nice to meet you." She says as she holds out a hand to shake. Then, after seeing that I won't grab her hand, she pulls it away from me. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened to the Goliath. It seems the whole thing's hit you pretty hard."

"Yeah…" I say and she sits across from me. "…you could say that."

"Look, we're going to be on this ship together for a while. We should get to know each other." She says and smiles warmly.

"I'm not that interesting." I say, trying to refuse to talk, and she lightly giggles.

"That just makes me more curious." She says and I look down. "You're not a bad person, Knight."

"Have you read my files?" I ask, bluntly. Fully anticipating her to start judging me based on the data written in the files about my past.

"Sure, you were a space rat. So what? At least you decided to do something other than just steal from other people." She says with a sarcastic tone. "Becoming a tactician for an Alliance frigate as big as the Goliath couldn't have been easy."

"I was trained to be a soldier until I started giving advice to other soldiers for what to do next in intense firefights." I say as I remember my last time out in the field. "When someone finally listened…" I say as I try thinking about something interesting to say. Then, I remembered one of my first missions with the Alliance. "We were trying to locate and capture a criminal. A Yahg by the name of Tack Brawl." I say and look up at her, seeing that she's smiling—fully anticipating a story. "We weren't supposed to do anything other than capture him, so…we brought a cage." I say and she laughs. I remember the whole ordeal. The yahg growling at my half of the team as it's about to charge at us. "While the team of biotics and I held Tack off, the other soldiers pushed the cage behind him." I continue as the event continues to play in my mind. Just before the yahg could reach my team, a gate door separated him from everyone. You could say the yahg was less than pleased to be caged like an animal at a zoo. "Everyone left completely unharmed…and we managed to complete the mission."

"What happened to Tack?" Kiera asks, curiously, with a smile.

"We left him there, in the cage, on the Admiral's orders." I say and she laughs.

Suddenly, I hear a knock from across the room. Quickly, Kiera and I look over to see Danial standing with his arms crossed. "So, the little space rat that could managed to survive a krogan invasion? Why don't you go back to training, then maybe you could have spared much more blood."

"Leave her alone, Danial." Kiera says angrily as she stands up.

"You don't know her like I do, Kiera." Danial says and I recognize his face. He went to Alliance training at the same time I did. "She's a criminal and a killer. She probably enjoyed seeing those people dying on the Goliath."

"You really think she's a killer, Danial?" Kiera asks in anger and I stand up.

"No, he's right…I've killed people." I say, honestly. Then, Danial gives me a sly smile as he crosses his arms.

"Knight?" Kiera asks as she turns to face me.

"I didn't have a family growing up…and I did whatever was necessary to stay alive. Sometimes, that meant sacrificing others' lives for my own." I explain as they both look shocked to hear me say that out loud. It's the truth. As a space rat, I had no parents or military background. So, I was left to travel the galaxy with other space rats. That's what makes me a space rat—traveling the galaxy with no real purpose but to survive. It's the reason why I've become so fond of the stars.

Along these early travels of mine, I met a batarian named Katar. He was a brute and very harsh. He shamelessly led the group of space rats that I traveled with for a few years. Leading us meant resorting to violence if it meant we would survive. It worked, but with very brutal consequences. He was unfair in every sense of the word. Even pinning all of the blame on me, the only human space rat in the group, if something bad happened. Even though Katar was aggressive to everyone, it taught me a few things. Lessons I've come to understand years after they were taught. It's made me stronger. And, if need be, ruthless.

"I was struck daily by a Batarian who called himself Katar…I was young, and it was too early for me to learn how to control my biotics. He quickly shut it down, forcing me to hide my abilities." I continue as the memories play out in my mind. The living conditions were horrible, as you might imagine. We hopped onto rogue space crafts to get to where we needed to. For survival, maybe, but Katar understood our needs. We needed food, shelter, and a way to survive without the council's aid. We only had the bare minimum, and we made due with what we had. "Katar eventually led us to a planet, he didn't say which, and ordered me and the other space rats with us to ambush a group of refugees to steal their resources…" I say and pause to see the two look saddened.

Can they tell that I'm silently reliving these memories?

I never wanted to put anyone in danger, but we had to survive. Katar wouldn't have it any other way. These refugees had to be sacrificed for the safety of the small group of space rat adults and children. "As if that wasn't enough…Katar ordered me and the other space rats to dress in krogan body armor to disguise ourselves…but, the refugees…they thought they were seeing real, hostile krogan…and, out of fear that we might slaughter them, they committed suicide…in front of us." I say and look down as I clench my fists. I remember the scene as if it happened yesterday. It was the first time I saw someone give their own life in front of me. Sadly, it wouldn't be the last. Many space rats resort to suicide because of mental instabilities. Depression, anxiety, drug abuse. PTSD, even. From all of the struggles we go through in our own individual self-proclaimed worlds, it's not surprising that so many of us are mentally unstable.

"That was…never in the reports I read…" Kiera says and I feel her walk further away from me.

"It's not so surprising." Danial says as he uncrosses his arms. He seems unmoved from the history of my life. Not surprising, but still disheartening. "Those refugees were people too. Still, you sat there and watched them take their own lives." He says and I nod.

He's right. I did just that: watch the innocent refugees kill themselves.

"Yes." I say as I continue to feel guilty. Sadness overcomes me, but I don't cry. I can't cry over something that happened so long ago. "They died…everyone died because of me." I say, remembering the refugees and the aftermath of the krogan attack on the Goliath. The blood-stained floor as I walk through dead bodies plays through my mind like a vid stuck in repeat. The grim silence as I feel my body becoming weaker from blood loss haunts me. The feeling of being helpless.

"See, Kiera? Even Knight knows she's a murderer. Just like a space rat." Danial says and I hear him walk out of the room. Then, I start walking out of the crew quarters.

"Knight…I'm so sorry." Kiera says and I look at her. She looks depressed, shaken even. But, there's no way for me to revert her back to her cheery side that she tried so hard to show me. "I should have stopped him…"

"No. It's okay…I just need to be alone." I say and continue walking to the star-board observation deck just a walkway away.

Was a place like this always here?

Finally, a place where I can look at the stars. It's nostalgic and sad. But, even as the stars seem so familiar, it's different from when I used to watch the stars on the Goliath. I was always alone, but the stars always stayed there. They've always been comforting to me.

Minutes pass as I stare out into the stars, thinking about the days passed—again. The sight of the krogan slaughtering the whole crew of the Goliath continues to play out over and over again in my mind.

While continuing to stare at the stars, I lay down on a couch facing the window.

Soon, I fall asleep.

I dreamt of the scene on the Goliath. The krogan got on board just after the emergency lights came on. Just before that, though, computers were shutting off as the pilot was trying to conserve power. The crew steadily started becoming disorganized and anxious as the countdown for the jump to FTL started—and stopped moments later. The krogan-piloted frigate had taken down all of our shields.

There wasn't much time to think about strategy, but this seemed like an easy win—for the krogan. There were over a dozen krogan warriors that came aboard. All of them slaughtering everyone in their path with little trouble. The pilot was the first to go. Even with all of our asari commandos aboard, they were taken down quickly—even the turians never stood a chance. Everyone was panicked, but I hid in a vent. When I eventually came out, everyone was on the floor—lying in cold blood. Just before the last krogan left, I was shot.

As the dream ends with me getting shot down, I start to wake up. I feel someone stroking my hair as if to comfort me. Quickly, I open my eyes. It's Dr. T'Soni. "It seemed like you were having a bad dream. Are you all right?" She asks as she stops stroking my hair. Suddenly, I see another memory of her smiling down at me. Then, I sit up quickly as I realize I'm lying down on her lap.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…" I say and turn away from her.

"It's all right. I just got here." Dr. T'Soni says as I sit up with my back to the back of the couch. "Why aren't you in the crew quarters? Kiera told me you hadn't been back for a few hours."

"I just have a lot on my mind." I say, honestly.

"Like what?" She asks and I stare out the window to look at the stars again.

"The krogan left me alive…for what?" I ask as I feel her concern. "And Admiral Coen…he had this ship save me. For what reason? I'm not that good of a tactician to want to save."

"The Alliance wouldn't just leave their own fleets behind because there's only one person left to save." She says and I look at her. "If there was even one person left, we have to save them. No matter who they are." She says strongly, yet softly, and I look up at the stars again.

"After the Goliath's leading tactician passed away five years ago, I replaced him." I say as I remember my time on the ship. "I had been finished with my specialty training for three years…I vowed to protect the lives I led…but I failed." I say as tears start forming in my eyes. "When the krogan invaded the ship, my voice couldn't reach the crew…and I hid away like a coward."

"It wasn't your fault." Dr. T'Soni says and I look down. "The attack must have put the crew into hysteria. You wouldn't have been able to guide them like that." She says and I look at her. "Don't blame yourself like this."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I hear myself ask as if it were involuntary.

"Why do you ask? Do I have a reason not to?" She asks.

"You read my reports, so you should know about me. About my past." I say and she smiles.

"That's what you're concerned about?" She asks and I nod with anticipation for what she would say about what she knows. "Yes, I read about you. A refugee with no family living or dead. A thief with low morale, low self-esteem, and a frequent liar."

"Yes…that's me." I say and she puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Despite all of that, you joined the Alliance and made a good name for yourself." She says with a smile. "You became a tactician so you could better protect the people you worked with."

"Because of my past, the crew of the Goliath never truly trusted me." I say and she takes her hand off my shoulder. "Even the asari commandos couldn't fully trust me, yet they followed my strategies anyway. The turians and other humans couldn't stand the sight of me…I was never welcomed in front of them."

"The crew of the Normandy is different." Dr. T'Soni says and I look away in disbelief. "Give us a chance, at least."

"Thank you for talking with me, Doctor…but, for now…I think I want to be alone for a while." I say and she stands up.

"If you need to talk more, I'll be in my office." She says as the memory of Commander Shepard embracing Dr. T'Soni in this room fills my mind.

Why am I seeing these memories?

"Oh, and…we'll be arriving at our next mission objective in the next twelve hours." She says and I turn to look at her. "Welcome to the Normandy, Miss Knight."

"Yes, ma'am." I say with a small smile. "Thank you."

This will be the start of an adventure I will never forget.