A/N: I've decided to just post the whole story I've written. However, it's going to feel unfinished and rushed. I'll be honest, I've been debating on whether or not I should do this. If anyone wants to pick up the pieces and fill in the blanks or use this as inspiration for your own story, you're more than welcome to do so.
From here, there won't be any clever titles for chapters as my heart is no longer in this story. I'm hoping that posting this will free my mind from worrying over leaving something released but incomplete. This way, I can focus on my other stories and a special story I've been working on for the past year. I wrote this story 3 years ago, it needs to rest.
As always, I hope you enjoy!
-Eddy
Chapter 5
This past mission, I felt my biotics become nearly uncontrollable. It worries me, since I don't want to end up hurting someone. The last time something like this has happened, I was on a mission with Admiral Coen and his crew. My biotic implant was damaged during a fight and nearly killed me. My implant couldn't be fixed, but the damage was minimal and it never really bothered me after the fact. However, every now and then, I get flare-ups like this. It usually only happens if I'm hit during a fight. Since I was hit, this flare-up is no surprise to me. I'm just not looking forward to having to tell the crew about my damaged implant. The reason it can't be repaired is because it's the only one like it. No one has the practice to completely repair it. Not even a biotics expert like Dr. T'Soni.
As I think about this, I'm standing next to the window on the observation deck. While I'm deep in thought, I feel a strong burning in my chest. The burn causes me to cough as I bend over, in pain. As I catch the cough with my hand, I feel a wetness in my hand. Slowly, I look at my hand—nearly covered in blood. My vision starts to blur as I begin to panic. My body begins to feel as if it were on fire as I continue to cough. Shit! I feel like I'm about to pass out. Suddenly, I feel my body drop to the ground.
"Knight?" I hear Danial ask as he walks into the room—I stop coughing for a second. He hasn't seen me on the ground yet. Then, I start coughing up more blood and gasping for air as I feel like I can barely breathe. "Knight!" Danial shouts as he sees me. I feel him run up to me. Then, as he bends down to me, he raises a hand to his com. "Doctor! Knight's hurt! I'm bringing her to you!" He says and I feel him pick me up, cradling me like a child.
As Danial rushes me down the hall, I see Kiera see me. "Knight!" She shouts as she follows close behind Danial. I feel myself cough, yet again, and see Danial look almost scared for me. Without realizing it, I grip onto Danial's shoulder and rest my forehead on his chest as the burning in my chest continues to become more intense. "What happened?" Kiera asks, frantically trying to get my attention.
"Kiera…Danial…" I say and cough again. "I'm…sorry."
"You're going to be all right." Danial says as he holds me tighter. "We're almost there."
"What happened?" I hear Dr. T'Soni ask as Danial slowly lays me down on a bed.
"I found her coughing up blood." Danial starts to explain as I feel an oxygen mask being put on my face. "She was collapsed…I don't know what happened."
"She was hit pretty hard during our last mission, but…I didn't think she would be hurt this bad." Kiera says as I study everyone.
"Where was she hit?" The doctor asks as she looks anxious. Did the Admiral tell her about my implant?
"She stepped in front of me…her chest was hit." Kiera says and Dr. T'Soni looks at me.
"Admiral Coen gave me the information on your biotic implant." She says as I look up at her. "You should have told me what happened sooner."
"Wait. The Admiral knew about this?" Danial asks and I look at him. "I thought the Alliance would fix something like that." He says and I slowly shake my head. Then, he looks angrier. "They wouldn't just leave her with a faulty implant, would they?"
"Danial. That's enough!" Dr. T'Soni says sharply as I feel like I'm losing consciousness. "I need you both to leave."
"Yes, ma'am." Danial says and looks at me.
"Danial…" Kiera says as she pulls Danial away from me. "…we have to go now." She says and walks Danial out of the room.
"Knight, are you in pain?" Dr. T'Soni asks as I look up at her. "Try to stay awake."
"I'm…fine." I lie as it feels harder to get the words out. "I'm…just…tired."
"Don't sleep just yet." She says as I see her gathering something. Then, she turns back towards me. "Stay calm, Knight." She says as I see her pull out a syringe. Then, I feel the needle enter my skin. "That's the first one…" She says and picks up another syringe. "Why did you let yourself get like this?"
"I couldn't…find the right time…" I say and feel something metal touch the outside of my chest. "I'm sorry, Liara." I say as I see her worried face. This metal device is what they used the last time my implant needed to be treated. It's a repairing device made for biotics with similar implants like mine. My implant is in between my heart and lungs. Any kind of impact hard enough on my chest would damage my organs, but not kill me. As I think about this, my vision starts fading.
Then, I feel a shock—just before everything goes black.
"She's going to be all right, isn't she?" I hear Danial ask as I feel myself waking up. My chest still hurts, but not as bad as it was before. "She was acting like she was in a lot of pain earlier."
"She should be fine now." Dr. T'Soni reassures him.
"I mean…she was coughing up blood." Danial continues as I open my eyes. I'm still wearing the oxygen mask. "Don't tell me you're not worried."
"Of course I am…" Dr. T'Soni says and I raise a hand to look at it. There's a needle in my skin. "…she should be the one to tell us if she's in pain." She continues. The needle in my arm is connected to some kind of tube. An IV drip? No, it's a blood transfusion. "Knight. You're awake."
"You've been out for a while." Danial says as he looks at me. Then, the doctor grabs my hand.
"Why would you take the hit for me, knowing you would end up like this?" Kiera asks as I notice her standing behind Danial. For a moment, I study their expressions. They all look worried. What should I say?
"Please, talk to us." Dr. T'Soni says and I look up at her.
"I didn't want you to feel bad for me." I say and they look sad. "I'm just a space rat. I'm expendable."
"Now is not the time to remind me." Danial says and I look at him. "Even if you're a space rat, you're a human being—a person."
"Don't throw your life away just because of your past." Kiera says and I feel the doctor lay my hand down.
"You are a valuable part of this crew, Knight." Dr. T'Soni says and I look back up to her. "You can tell us if something is bothering you. Mentally or physically."
"I understand." I say with a sigh. "I'm sorry for putting you all through this."
"What happened when you first got your implant damaged?" Kiera asks and I look at her.
"A yahg attacked me." I say and she crosses her arms.
"You mean Tack?" She asks and I give her a small smile.
"Yes." I say, bluntly as I remember telling Kiera that I got everyone out safely.
"I thought you said you got everyone out safely?" She says.
"Not everyone, it seems." The doctor says and I nod.
"I did what I could." I say and notice the doctor and Danial both crossing their arms. "The crew was more important than me. Besides, I lived through it. And I'd do it again."
"You don't really believe that the crew was more important than your own life. Do you?" Dr. T'Soni asks.
"I do." I say and feel a hand squeeze my arm slightly. "When I signed with the Alliance, I promised I would give myself to the Alliance. Even as a tactician, it's my duty to keep the squad safe. At any cost."
"The Admiral didn't save your life all those years ago for you to die from being sucker-punched by a yahg." Danial says and I smile.
"It's actually the complete opposite." I say as remember when the Admiral handed me the contract to sign. "He ordered me to give my life, if needed, in order to protect the crew."
"That's crazy! The Admiral would never do that!" Kiera says, angrily. "We're all soldiers, we know the risks going into every mission. Why would he put everyone's safety on your shoulders?"
"With my shady past, I was lucky he even agreed to me joining the Alliance." I explain as they look worried. I've never spoken about myself this way before. "The contract I had to sign took away all of my personal freedoms. That was the day I went from a space rat to a soldier."
"I signed that contract too. The whole 'sacrifice yourself for every crew member' thing wasn't a part of it." Danial says and I shake my head.
"You could say that I was a special case. The council had to get involved." I say and they look confused.
"Why?" Dr. T'Soni asks. "The council usually doesn't interfere with the Alliance's authority and personal affairs."
"Non-military space rats like me aren't given many freedoms to begin with." I start. "Regardless of the species of the space rat, the council will intervene if the space rat wants to be involved with military alliances." I explain and sigh. "The council claims all responsibility and sets specific terms for the alliance to be formed. There's a hearing, and then a release—either back into space or to the military alliance in question."
"I never knew that." Danial says as I notice that he looks uncomfortable.
"That doesn't explain why the Admiral would command you to give your life for the safety of any crew." Kiera says and I nod.
"I'm sorry, but I can't say why." I say. "The council forbids me from discussing the terms of the contract. They even told me how to tell you all that…I'm sorry."
"Fine. We understand." Danial says sharply and bitterly before he starts storming out.
"That's why I stay in contact with the Admiral. He instructs me, in place of the council." I say as Danial leaves the room. "I'm sorry for keeping quiet about all of this. I wasn't sure I should tell you." I say and look at Dr. T'Soni. She seems deep in thought.
"When we dock at our next mission location, you're staying here. On the ship." Dr. T'Soni says and backs away from me. Then, I try to sit up, but my chest pain stops me. "You need to stay here and rest. This is more important than the mission. We need you alive, Knight."
"I agree." Kiera says and I sigh.
"You can't just leave me up here." I say as I feel my anger rise.
"That's an order!" Dr. T'Soni says, almost angry.
"The doctor is the commanding officer here, Knight." Kiera says and I look away. "Besides, I bet you can't even sit up yet."
"Fine. I understand." I say and notice the doctor leaving with Kiera.
After hours of lying in the med-bay alone, I stand up to walk around. As I stand, I feel a slight pain in my chest. It's not too bad and I'm not having any trouble breathing. So far, anyway. Dr. T'Soni did a better job of healing me, compared to the Alliance doctors the Admiral hired to heal me the last time this happened.
She's a good friend, isn't she?
As I slowly walk out of the med-bay, I don't see Kiera or Danial in their usual spot. Did they leave already? It's only been a few hours since they last spoke to me.
As I think about searching for them, I remember that I haven't toured the ship since I got here. So, I start walking towards a door. It seems like some kind of office. "He sent a sick soldier to a suicide mission?" I hear someone, a man, shout. It's muffled, so I can't tell whose yelling. "Not to mention he stationed her on an alien frigate?" Whoever it is, they seem to be talking about me. "Not even a quarter of that crew were human! No wonder she had no friends!"
"The Goliath had a formidable crew. Very intelligent." I hear Dr. T'Soni say and back away from the door. "Still, it is…disheartening to know how the crew felt about her presence."
"She told me about some of her time before becoming a soldier." The man says. Wait, that's Danial! "What she's been through…it's no wonder she's the way she is."
"What do you mean?" Dr. T'Soni asks as I remember that I've only talked to her about Commander Shepard. I've never told her much about my past.
"I'm surprised she's been friendly with you, doctor." Danial says as I remember what I told him. "The asari on the Goliath weren't very friendly…and that was most of the crew."
"What do you mean?" Dr. T'Soni asks as I start to feel nervous.
"Knight was a slave before she joined the Alliance." Danial says and sighs. "It wasn't just the asari…even the turians asked her for…personal favors."
"I don't think I understand." The doctor says and I smile for a second as I turn around. I thought I told Danial not to talk about it to anyone. It figures. This is the Alliance.
"Sex, doctor. It was all about sex." Danial says as I start walking away. I don't need to hear this.
"That's horrible." I hear the doctor say as I walk away.
Once I make my way to the starboard observation deck, I sit on the couch to stare out the window. Maybe I shouldn't be so open with them anymore. Even Dr. T'Soni.
Minutes pass as I stare out the window. "Knight." Dr. T'Soni says as I see her walk into the room from the reflection in the glass. "You weren't in the med-bay…" She says as she walks up to me. "You should lay down. I know you must be tired."
"No…I just want to look at the stars." I say and she sits next to me.
"Is there something on your mind?" She asks and I sigh.
"A few things, yes." I say and focus on the stars.
"Anything you want to talk about?" She asks.
"I was just thinking about how Danial can't seem to keep a secret." I say and notice her shocked expression in the reflection on the glass. "I overheard you two…I'm sorry."
"You were a slave?" She says and I look at her.
"I guess I had two reasons for joining the Alliance." I say and notice the doctor becoming nervous. "And two reasons for my records being erased."
"Knight, I'm sorry…" She says and I look away.
"No. Don't be." I say as I look at the stars again. "I shouldn't have told Danial about that…"
"Are you afraid of me?" She asks.
"No." I say and hold my hands together. "Are you scared of me?"
"No." She says as I see her smiling in the reflection in the glass. "I'm scared for you."
"Why?" I ask, shocked, as I look at her. No one has said that to me before now.
"You're reckless, throwing yourself towards danger at the first sight of it. Then, like now, you lie. It's like you're trying to protect someone from knowing who you are." She says and I smile with a soft sigh. "Who are you trying to protect? What are you fighting for?"
"No one in particular." I say, honestly. "I don't want my past to catch up to me…maybe that's why." I say and she looks uncomfortable. After seeing that, I turn to look at the stars again. "I won't let my past define who I am. Still…"
"Are you saying that you fight the way you do because you feel it's necessary?" The doctor says and I nod.
As I sit in the cargo hold, trying to hide away from everyone, I think about my trust in the crew. During this past mission, everyone casted me aside. Even Dr. T'Soni. Even if it was to protect me, I'm a soldier. It's my duty and my job to fight with the team on the battlefield. Instead, they left me behind. They said it was more important for me to stay on the ship while they finish the mission. Even if they said "it's for the best", I can handle myself during a fight. Even if I'm injured, I'm a soldier, I can take the pain. The Alliance didn't train me to stay idle.
"Knight?" I hear a familiar voice call. "Knight, where are you?" It's Dr. T'Soni. Quickly, I activate my stealth skill, cloaking me from being seen. "Knight…" I hear her say and she sighs. "…I know you're in here somewhere." She says as I feel her walking around the room. "I'm sorry for taking you off the mission, but you needed the rest." She says as she continues to walk around the room. I slowly walk out of eyesight as my stealth skill continues to stay activated. She still can't see me. "Please, Knight. Come out and talk to me." She says as this catches me off guard. She didn't seem interested last time. As soon as she heard about the mission, she shut me out. As I think about this, my cloak fails and I hear footsteps coming towards me. "I know you're angry, but I want you to at least listen to what I have to say." She says as she walks in front of me. Quietly, I study her as she stands in front of me. Can I really trust her? "You may not trust the crew, or me, just yet. But, we all trust you." She says and I lean against the crate behind me. "That's why we left you on the ship, Knight. You have been fighting non-stop since you boarded the Normandy. Even though you weren't with us during this mission, it doesn't mean that we did that to spite you."
"That's not true." I say and feel my body light up. "I'm a soldier. I was trained to handle any situation."
"Perhaps. But, even a soldier can become so stressed that it threatens their health." She says and reaches out to me. This motion causes me to think back to my time as a space rat. In my mind, the doctor's hand was an Alliance trainer about to hit me. As soon as I make the connection—which was instantly—I flinch. "Knight?" She asks and I realize that she was just trying to comfort me.
"I'm…sorry." I say and stand up straighter.
"Knight, I'm worried about you." She says as she looks into my eyes. "What's really bothering you?"
"The Alliance has been very good to me these past fifteen years…but…" I say and cross my arms. "During my training to become a soldier, the Alliance trainers abused their powers…and they turned on me." I explain as I think about it. "Admiral Coen was the only one to step in and help me. He even invited me to join his crew…but it didn't work out." I continue as I notice the doctor look sad. "When his crew found out about me being a space rat, a few of the crewmen tried to—they tried to throw me out the airlock into dark space." I say as I remember the Admiral stepping in to save me.
"The crew of the Normandy aren't like that." She says and I nod. "None of us will do that to you."
"Yes…I know." I say as I continue to think about what happened. "The Admiral saw what was happening on his ship and immediately stationed me on the Goliath. Nearly half of that crew were asari. The other half were turian or human. Still, I never really got close enough to call anyone on the Goliath a friend. But, I felt safe." I say and sigh. "When the krogan came…I couldn't protect the people I worked with. It was my duty to die for them, and I couldn't even do that. I felt like I betrayed them just as so many people betrayed me."
"I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Knight." She says and I calm my biotics.
"It's not your fault." I say and sigh. "This is my first nearly all-human crew I've been a part of since I was a part the Admiral's crew. It was comforting for me to be around other aliens."
"You're more comfortable around non-humans?" She asks, shocked. Then I smile.
"Yes." I say and think about my time as a space rat. "Humans tend to think all space rats are criminals, but more non-humans generally don't have strong opinions for or against space rats. Except turians. They tend to side with the humans who oppose space rats' lifestyles." I explain. "Besides, I was friends with non-humans way before I met another human. Because of that, humans seem so…intimidating to me."
"I never knew that about you." She says and I relax my arms. "Were you the only human with those friends of yours?"
"Yes. Not many humans become space rats at all." I say. "Most humans who have no families or a home to go back to just stay homeless or become merchants, but I wanted to see the galaxy. That's what makes me a space rat. That's why so many humans are…convinced I'm just a criminal."
"That doesn't sound like a criminal to me." She says and I nod.
"Most non-humans understand that space rats do what they have to in order to survive." I say feel myself become somewhat nervous. I don't think I've actually explained what my life was like before now. "Humans see what we do and call it criminal, because that's what it looks like at a glance. They see us stealing from people and assume we do it as petty thieves would. They see us fighting other people and assume we started it." I say and sigh again. "Because I'm human, other humans tend to put pressure on me to change my lifestyle. But, that's impossible. I don't regret choosing to be a space rat."
"How old were you when you first became a space rat?" She asks as I notice that she's genuinely curious.
"I was around…ten years old?" I ask myself as I try to think about my age. "I have hardly any memories from before I became a space rat. So, I'm guessing that I was around ten years old when I started." I say and cross my arms. Why does the doctor want to know all of this? "Look, I can see what you're trying to do here. You're trying to get me to vent my feelings to you."
"So far, it's been working." She says and smiles as she gives a small laugh.
"I guess it has." I say and give her a small smile. "I've never actually told anyone anything I just told you." I say and she looks into my eyes. "It's been something I couldn't tell anyone I've known." I say and uncross my arms as I step slightly closer to her. "I'm glad I finally told someone. Thank you, doctor. You are a really good friend to me." I say and she steps back, looking shocked. "Thank you for talking with me." I say and turn to walk away.