A/N: My attempt at writing the cliché of "the guy who hates you secretly loves you" but in a toxic one-sided way. Also, MAJOR time-skip here.
This gets pretty dark, so…self-harm warning.
I honestly don't know why I thought this chapter was a good idea, to be honest, but here it is.
-Eddy
Chapter 9
As I sit on the starboard observation deck, I'm lost to the silence. No thoughts are running through my mind, just the calming image of the stars. "Here again, I see." Danial says as he walks into the room. "Are the stars really that interesting?"
"No." I say, bluntly. "That's not why I come to look at them."
"Got any more interesting stories to tell?" He asks as he sits down next to me.
"No. Nothing." I say and see him smiling in the refection on the window. "Do you?"
"I've got a few." He says, smugly. "You want to hear one?"
"Sure." I say as I continue looking through the window.
"Well…when I was still in Alliance training, I heard about this girl who was picking fights with her superiors." He says and I immediately know what he's talking about. It's about me. "One day, I heard a loud 'bang'. You know what that was?"
"What?" I ask, pretending I don't know what he's talking about.
"An Alliance training tech was thrown through a metal door." He says and gives a small laugh. "She claimed it was for self-defense, but this guy was only an Alliance Tech—not a soldier. You know what happened after that?" He asks and I shake my head 'no'. "She grabbed his collar and threw him across the training grounds with her biotics. It scared the living hell out of the officers."
"You make her sound…very violent." I say, still trying to pretend that I have no idea what he's talking about.
"She was, in her early years in the Alliance. More so when the Alliance found out about her secret biotic abilities." He says and I look at him. "The poor man had to be hospitalized for nearly a week."
"He was asking for it." I blurt out and he laughs.
"Oh, so you knew I was talking about you?" He asks with a sly smile.
"I was…" I say and he playfully pushes my arm slightly. I laugh softly and give a small smile. "Yes."
"You're a terrible liar." He says and I look at him. He was just joking about the story thing. "I never understood you in Alliance training, but now I think I do."
"I don't know, Danial." I say, sarcastically. Even though he doesn't fully understand me, he knows a lot about me already. "You never know. I'm a liar and just a space rat, remember?"
"Hey, you can't blame me for judging space rats." He says as I notice him looking nervous. "Not all space rats are like you. They're not as nice…as you are."
"I thought you said I was violent." I say and he smiles.
"It's a…different kind of violent." He says and sighs. "You're only violent because you have to be. You protect yourself. That makes you brave, not dangerous."
"I guess I can understand that." I say as I remember life as a space rat. All of the trouble I got into, whether it was my fault or not, I had to learn to fight. "Life is hard as a space rat. If I want to survive, I have to fight. When I first joined the Alliance, no one trusted that I wasn't just a criminal…they truly believed I was just being violent to be violent. The Alliance tech found that out the hard way. I don't regret what I did." I say and feel a hand on my shoulder. "And, it sounds like you don't, either."
"We make a good team, don't we?" He asks with a smile.
"We do." I say and he pulls me towards him as he moves in closer to me. "Danial?" I ask as his face is just inches from mine. Then, he closes his eyes and kisses me. It's passionate, but one-sided. The kiss lasts a moment before he pulls away from me. "Why did you—" I say and shake his hand off.
"Knight, I think I'm in love with you." He says and I shake my head. Why is this happening? I thought he was just being friendly, but I know friends don't do that with each other. Then, as I'm shaking, I stand up. Liara and I are already trying to be more than friends. I need to get away from here.
As I try to leave the room, Danial pushes me up against a wall. "Danial? What's going on?" I ask, nearly scared of what might happen next. "Why…?" I ask and he looks into my eyes. Tell him, Knight! "Danial, I—" I say and he interrupts me.
"You don't have to say anything. I love you, Knight." He says and kisses me. As I struggle to get away, he pushes me back onto the wall behind me. This isn't the same kind of kiss Liara gave me. It's different—more lustful. Forced. Regardless, I can't let this continue. As I make my last try at getting away, he grabs at my waist and opens the bottom of my shirt to put his hand onto my bare skin. I'm instantly frozen in shock as he begins to feel and grope me. I'm scared. This reminds me of when I was a slave. Bought and sold to pleasure people. I've told Danial about it all, but he still does this to me?
Suddenly, my biotics react, and I let them out—sending Danial flying in front of me. He hits the back of the couch as I'm left out of breath. "Don't ever do that again!" I say, sharply as I feel myself shaking, and quickly make my way out. I hear Danial stagger as he stands.
"Wait!" Danial shouts as I see Kiera. "You felt nothing from that?" He asks, nearly desperately. Then, I turn toward him. As I feel my anger rise, my biotics light my whole body. Danial starts walking to me. "Just tell me that you felt…something."
"No. I didn't feel anything. Still don't." I say and he grabs one of my arms. Quickly, I shake his hand off. "Don't touch me."
"Knight. Come on. Listen to me." He says as I feel my biotics react again. "I thought we were close!"
"Just stay away from me, Danial." I say as Kiera walks to us.
"What's going on?" Kiera asks as she looks at Danial and I. Then, I calm down a bit.
"Why did you do that? I thought we were friends." I say, still in shock over what just happened.
"Knight, I'm sorry. I thought…we were going somewhere…" Danial says as I slowly calm down. "I didn't mean to—"
"What did you do to her, Danial?" Kiera asks, angrily.
"This is none of your business." Danial says and Kiera looks at me. "Knight. Please, come talk to me."
"No." I say, sharply. "I think we've talked enough." I say, almost angrily. Then, I turn to leave.
"Are you sure it's all right to just leave her like that?" Kiera asks as she looks towards Danial. Then I turn my head to look towards Kiera.
"Kiera, I'm fine…I just need to be alone right now." I say before walking away.
Later, as I'm on the lower half of the engineer room thinking about what happened between Danial and me, I silently sit on a small bed. While contemplating on the event, I unconsciously scratch at my arms. I feel dirty. It was disgusting. It brought me back to when I was a slave. Men touching my body in ways that were more intimate than what Danial did. Yet, it still brought me back to that time. "Knight?" I hear Liara's voice ask as I hear her walking towards me. "Goddess! What happened?" She asks, shocked. As she rushes to my side, I notice that I'm crying while my fingers are dug into my arms—making me bleed. "Stop this!" She says and pulls my hands away from my arms. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" She asks as she looks scared for me and I look at her.
"Liara…?" I ask and bow my head. "I'm sorry...I should have been more careful." I say, referring to the scratches on my arms.
"What happened?" She asks as I feel her hands over my arms. I'm shaking.
"It was…disgusting." I say as I remember what Danial did. "It wasn't at all…like how you do it…"
"Like…what? Knight, what happened?" She asks and I struggle to look at her again—I'm ashamed that I let that happen.
"Danial…he…touched me…" As I say this, I notice her becoming angry. "It was…disgusting. I tried to get away, but he…" I say as I feel tears running down my face. "I'm sorry, Liara."
"Danial? He made you this way?" She asks and I look back down. Then, she stands up. Just before she starts walking away, I grab one of her hands.
"Please, just…stay with me." I say with teary eyes and a wet face. Then, she slowly turns to face me.
"But, I need to have a talk with Danial." She says and I put my other hand on top of the hand I grabbed.
"No…please. Stay with me?" I ask and she sighs.
"Okay…" She says and slowly sits next to me.
Several minutes pass as Liara and I sit together. The time we spent together seemed to calm me down enough that I could speak about what happened between Danial and I. "Danial confessed to me…about how he felt towards me."
"You turned him down?" She asks and I look at her.
"Of course I turned him down." I say and sigh. "I told you before…I may not completely understand what love feels like, even between us, but…it didn't feel the same way with Danial. It felt wrong."
"He was your friend." She says and I nod.
"Just my friend…" I say and hear someone walking towards us.
"I didn't know you felt that way." Danial says as he walks into the room. Liara and I quickly look at him as we let go of each other. "So, you're okay with her touching you, but not me?" He asks and scoffs. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
"Leave her alone, Danial." Liara says and stands up to face Danial. "You've put her through enough!"
"After everything we've talked about…you still tried to…" I say as I feel my anger rising. "You…touched me."
"It's not any different with her, is it?" Danial asks, angry. Then, I stand up. "I thought we were becoming something more."
"No. We weren't." I say as I calm myself. "I've never thought of you as more than a friend."
"But, you're with her in that way." Danial says as he points at Liara and Liara steps in between Danial and me. "How is she better than me?"
"Leave her alone, Danial." Liara says, again, and Danial crosses his arms.
"You're our doctor, so you've actually seen Knight naked." Danial says as I notice Liara clenching her fists. She's angry. "You better watch out, Knight. Dr. T'Soni just wants to see you out of your clothes again." He says as I notice Liara's biotics making her body glow. "You never know. She could just be wanting to have sex with you. Just like those slavers."
"Leave her out of this, Danial! She's not like you. She's never touched me like you did." I say and notice Liara calm down enough for her to stop glowing. "At least she had a reason to take my clothes off. You nearly took my clothes off because you wanted sex."
"You were…doing that to her?" Liara asks and her body lights up again. "She trusted you."
"My point, exactly! We're more alike than you realize." Danial shouts, still trying to blame Liara. "She may have not taken your clothes off to have sex with you yet, Knight, but she will. You asked me before what love was. Now you know. It's about sex."
"That's not true! You know nothing, Danial. Leave Knight alone!" Liara says, angrily. Wow, I don't think I've actually seen Liara angry before now. "She was just trying to be your friend, and you do this to her?"
"The doctor is an asari. You two have nothing in common." Danial says and I glare at him. "You're human, so you should be attracted to me."
"If you're going to be this way, Danial, then I don't think we should even be friends." I say and cross my arms. "No one has the right to tell me anything like that. Is your type of love seriously just about sex? And, it doesn't matter that Dr. T'Soni is an asari. I care about her."
"You can't seriously believe that! What about our talks? What about us? We had so much fun hanging out. Did all of that mean nothing to you?" Danial asks, almost desperate. "Are you seriously telling me you prefer her over me?" He asks and looks at my arms. "Was it really so disgusting that you would do that to your own body? I bet you wouldn't have done that if the doctor pinned you up against a wall as she stripped you of your clothes."
"Enough!" I shout and step closer to him. "Dr. T'Soni is important to me, so don't you dare insult her in front of me." I say as my body lights up. Liara's body stops glowing as she quickly looks back at me. "She is nothing like you and you just proved that." I continue. "I told you about the slavers and what they did to me, and you still touched me. Just like they did." I say and calm my biotics down. "Human or not, it doesn't matter to me. I was a space rat for fifteen years. I was raised by several different species, yet not one human friend. Until I met you and Kiera." I say and step closer to him. He looks scared. "Still, you touched my bare skin without my permission. The doctor wouldn't do that. She's not like you. So, I think we're done with this, Danial."
"I…see." Danial says and sighs. "I'm sorry, Knight." He says as he relaxes. "I'll just…go now. I guess." He says and walks away.
"I…" I say and sigh with relief. "I did it." I say and sit down. I'm shaking again.
"Are you all right?" Liara asks as she turns and walks to me. "I can't believe you actually said all of that."
"I wanted to punch him, choke him out even, but that won't solve anything." I say and sigh again. "I hated how he brought you into this mess…I'm sorry, Liara."
"It's not your fault." She says and sits next to me. "Did you mean what you said? About us…"
"Yes." I say and look at her. "You're someone who's important enough for me to defend like that." I say and give her a smile. "I like you, Liara…a lot." I say and feel her getting closer to me.
"Knight, is it okay if I kiss you?" She asks and I look into her eyes.
"Yes." I say and she gently grabs my face. Then, we kiss. It was passionate, and lasted a few moments. It was calming. Peaceful. My shaking even stopped.
Then, she pulls away from me. I cringe slightly as I start noticing the scratch marks on my arms. "We should get you cleaned up." She says and stands up. I stand with her.
When we get to the med-bay, I see Kiera talking with Danial across the room. She looks angry. Instead of stopping to talk with them, Liara guides me into the med-bay. When I sit on one of the beds, I hear Kiera walk into the room, alone. "What happened?" Kiera asks as she walks to me. Then, she sees my arms. "Oh my gosh!"
"Kiera…I'm fine." I say and look at her.
"Did Danial do this to you?" Kiera asks, almost angry for me.
"No…it was…" I say and sigh. "…me. I did this."
"Why? Did it have something to do with that fight earlier?" She asks as Liara grabs one of my arms, then starts cleaning the wounds. Then, Liara grabs some medicine to put on my arms. I cringe as the medication touches my skin. It burns.
"It's over now." Liara says as I sense her worry. "I was there."
"What happened, exactly?" Kiera asks as Liara grabs my other arm to clean it. "It must have been something big to make you do this."
"Danial…said he loved me." I say as Liara finishes cleaning my arm and starts putting the medicine on it. The burn makes me cringe again. "I guess I didn't get through to him that I wasn't interested."
"He did something to you?" Kiera asks as Liara starts putting bandages on my arms.
"You could say that." I say as Liara finishes wrapping the first arm. She seems a little irritated, angry.
"What did he do?" Kiera asks as Liara ties the bandage down, slightly tighter than comfortable. Then, she starts bandaging my other arm. "It must have been…hard for you to deal with." She says as she looks at my arms.
"Kiera." Liara says sharply and Kiera looks shocked. "I think that's enough."
"Yes, ma'am." Kiera says and sighs. "Sorry, it was just so surprising." She says as Liara finishes wrapping my arm. "I'll just go to bed then. Goodnight, doctor, Knight." She says and walks out of the room. Liara sighs with relief as the door closes.
"Liara?" I ask as she ties the bandage on my arm. "Are you all right?"
"You need to learn to tell people 'no' when you're uncomfortable like that." She says and looks into my eyes. "I'm holding your arm. So, I can feel when your heart beats faster." She explains. "You're quite nervous. Even now."
"I thought friends share what's bothering them?" I ask, confused. I've never had to deal with a situation like this before.
"This is different." Liara says as she grabs my hand, holding it in between her hands. "Friends will be understanding if a situation like this is too uncomfortable to talk about."
"Kiera wasn't." I say and she sighs.
"Kiera's different." She says.
"What makes her different?" I ask and she takes my hand, putting up on her face.
"She's not as understanding as I am." She says and I smile.
"I don't think anyone is as understanding as you are, Liara." I say and she smiles as she lowers my hand.
"I'm glad you feel the same way." She says and lets go of my hand. Then, I think about how I'm going to have to spend the night in the crew's quarters. The thought makes me feel as if I could shake in fear again. "What's wrong?"
"Do you think…" I start and sigh. "I don't mean to bother you…" I say as I feel awkward, trying to ask Liara if I can sleep in her room for the night.
"Knight?" She asks as I notice her looking worried. "Tell me what's wrong."
"I was wondering…if I could stay with you…" I say and look away in nervousness. "…I don't know if I can sleep in the crew quarters just yet."
"Knight. It's okay." She says with a kind smile as she puts a gentle hand to my face.
"Thank you, Liara." I say with a calm smile.
Later, when I get to Liara's room, I notice that she's not there yet. For a few minutes, I wait outside of the room. As the minutes pass, I start getting impatient. She knows I'll be here, so it should be all right for me to go in, right?
After a few moments of thinking about whether or not to go in, I decide to go inside. As I slowly walk inside, I notice no alarm going off or anything out of the ordinary. Even the room's lights and the monitors are all turned off. "Knight?" I hear Admiral Coen in my com. It startles me slightly, but I answer it instantly.
"Yes, sir?" I ask.
"I'm sorry to bother you so late at night, but I need to know if you've been receiving any threats from mercenaries as of late." He says as I notice the worry in his voice.
"Yes. I have." I say.
"When was it?"
"Sir, I've been getting them every mission you've sent the Normandy on since I got here." I say and hear him sigh.
"I'm sorry to hear that." He says. "The council might have to get involved sooner than I expected."
"Admiral, wait." I say.
"What is it, Knight?" He asks.
"Please don't tell the crew of the Normandy about this." I say.
"Why?" He asks. "This could influence the rate this war is going."
"I know, but please understand." I say and he sighs.
"I'll see what I can do." He says. "Another thing while I have you on call. I've managed to come into contact with that research facility that manufactured your faulty biotic implant." He says as I remember the mission. It was a failure. Only the Admiral and I made it out alive. "We have another chance at getting that data. This time, it needs to be destroyed."
"But, Admiral. We need that data." I say and he sighs.
"No. You know as much as I do that the data is only relevant to current users. New users were banned when we studied your implant. So far, you're the only one still alive with this particular implant." He explains. "I'm sorry, Knight. Even if this shortens your own lifespan, I can't allow anyone getting a hold of that data. Especially the Krogan. If they get their hands on that data, this war is lost—for sure."
"I…understand, sir." I say. "How are we getting there safely?"
"I've sent Dr. T'Soni the coordinates and she's doing some classified work on them." He says. "Even if only a few of you make it out alive, that data must be destroyed, at any cost. This may even be your last mission as well."
"But, sir!" I say and he interrupts.
"Thant's an order, soldier! Coen out." He finishes and he ends the call. Damnit, Admiral! I won't let what happened with that squad happen to the Normandy's squad! I won't let Liara have to go through what I've gone through with the last attempt at getting this data.
Then, after I've calmed down from all of that, I make my way to the couch and sit down. I wonder what Liara's doing.
After minutes of waiting, I hear the door to the room open. "Knight?" Liara asks as she walks in. Then, I stand up to walk to her. As I walk to her, I notice her turning on her monitors.
"Still working?" I ask as the monitors face away from me.
"The Admiral gave me some data he said he needed me to look at." She says and looks over her shoulder at me.
"Is this data classified?" I ask and she sighs.
"Yes." She says. "If you're tired, then go to sleep. I'm going to be up for a while longer."
"Okay." I say and turn to walk to the bedroom.
"You can sleep in the bed, if you want to." She says.
"Thank you." I say as I stare at the bed. Then, I hesitate, but then I sit on the bed. "Goodnight, Liara." I say as I watch her from the bed and lay down. From the light on her face, coming from the monitors, I see her smile.
When I fell asleep, I dreamt of being in Liara's room. It was somewhat different from how it usually is. In the dream, I could walk around the room. So, I walk to the monitors to look at what Liara has been working on. As I look at the screens, I'm shocked as I see my memories from my past. I saw when the refugees committed suicide in front of me, the slave trade, and even Danial forcing himself on me. Then, I notice something I only have little memory of—a science lab on a dusty planet, full of krogan. Could that be Tuchanka? One of my old friends told me about the planet years ago, but I've never been there. After seeing that, I notice a screen flashing different colors. It was me, caged and being electrocuted as my biotics are uncontrollable. As I see this, I feel hot and my heart races.
After a moment of panic, I see Liara walking from one side of the room to me. "Liara?" I hear myself ask as she gets closer to me. Suddenly, the room seems stretched out as Liara seems to be getting further and further away.
"Knight." She says as she stretches a hand out to me.
"Liara." I say back as the monitors next to me start shocking the air around me with electricity.
"Knight." She says, louder as my panic starts to overwhelm me. "Knight, wake up." She says and everything fades to black. "Knight, wake up!" I hear Liara shout as I feel my arm being shook. Then, I open my eyes as I'm out of breath. "Goddess!" She sighs in relief as I see her hovering above me. "Don't scare me like that."
"What happened?" I ask as I notice that she's not in her usual uniform—night clothes. Then, she places a gentle hand onto my face.
"I think you were having a nightmare. Then, you stopped breathing for a second." She says and sighs. Then, she calmly lays down next to me. "Is there something on your mind?"
"There is, actually…I'm sorry." I say as I feel myself catch my breath. "I got a call from the Admiral earlier…" I say and remember that I don't want Liara to know too many details.
"What did he say?" She asks and takes her hand away from my face.
"It was about…" I say as I think of a way to say it, without actually telling her what's going on. "…the Admiral believes that these mercenaries are targeting…me."
"Does he know why?" She asks.
"No, he asked me to give him any information I had…but, I don't know anything about it." I say and she smiles. "I want to do what I can for the Alliance…but I don't want to be a burden."
"Don't blame yourself for that." She says. "We'll figure it out."