Chapter 11
The day was strange for me. We had just gone through a mission that nearly got Kiera and Danial killed. While they were in the med bay, I stayed on the starboard observation deck. I have a lot to think about. During the mission, there was an asari scientist and a krogan engineer who insisted I was made in a lab somewhere—not birthed. They said I was made to be a powerful biotic, and I needed to watch out for my biotics going out of control.
Then, there's the fact that Kiera and Danial stepped in to guard me against the krogan battle master that tried to kill me on the spot. I had no idea that they cared for me that much.
As I'm lost in thought about the day, I hear a light knock behind me. "Knight. There you are." I hear Dr. T'soni say as she walks in, behind me.
"Are Kiera and Danial all right?" I ask as I rest my chin on my knees while I stare out the window.
"Surprisingly, they only have minor injuries. They will be fine." She says and sits in a chair next to me. "Why do you always come to this room?" She asks and I give a small smile.
"It's comforting to see the stars. It makes me feel less…alone." I say and feel a hand on my shoulder.
"You're not alone." She says and I look at her as I put a hand on hers.
"Maybe." I say and turn back to look at the stars. "After everything I've been through…" I say and sigh. "I don't know if you believe in guardian angels, but I believe I have one."
"I've read about human beliefs…I didn't know you believed in such things." She says. "Who is it?"
"It's a secret." I say and smile.
"I see." She says, sarcastically content with my answer. "You should go see Kiera and Danial. I'm sure they would like you to be there for them."
"I don't know about that." I say and she takes her hand off my shoulder as I let go of hers. "I don't know if I can face them again. What do you say to someone who almost gave their life for yours?"
"They knew they would make it." She says and I stand up.
"Maybe…but I still don't like it…" I say and she stands up. "How can you trust someone that much? After knowing they were…created in a lab? I know you heard what those…people told me."
"You know who you are, Knight." She says and I walk to the door.
"I just learned that I have DNA from asari and krogan. Are you so sure that I know who I am?" I ask as I pause just before reaching the door. "Jordan Knight isn't even my real name."
"Don't worry too much." She says. "You know far more about yourself than any scientist ever could."
"Do I?" I ask as I turn to look at her. She walks calmly up to me with a warm smile.
"You do." She says as she continues to walk towards me. I back up, cautious at the doctor's intentions, and walk into the wall behind me. Her warm hands brush against my arms. Rising, gliding up to my neck, then to my face. I'm entranced by the warmth from her eyes as I feel her face closing into mine. The next thing I know, my face becomes warmer from her touch and I feel my lips on hers. Again, it was passionate. I close my eyes as I feel the warmth of her hands moving past my face and into my hair. I match her embrace by wrapping my arms around her body. Slowly, I pull her closer to me. Then, as I feel the warmth enter deeper into my mouth, I think about everything I've learned about myself at the lab. The thresher maw nearly turning me suicidal, Shira, the krogan, and me becoming a monster—I killed Shyrah and the krogan, coldly, and didn't feel any remorse from it. Am I just a killer?
As soon as I start thinking about me being an engineered killer, I panic as my biotics make my whole body glow a bright blue. Quickly, I move my hands around to the front of her body. When my hands reach her shoulders, I push her away as our faces separate. Her eyes widen as the familiar look of worry paints her face. "Knight? What's wrong?" She asks and I think about what the scientist told me about my biotics being unstable. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'll lose control and hurt Liara—or worse. I could turn against her. I don't want that. "Are you all right?" She asks and I slowly turn to start walking away, but I'm stopped by her warm hand holding tightly onto my arm. "You can't just walk away after all of that." She says and I look over my shoulder at her. "Talk to me. What's bothering you?"
"I'm sorry." I say and look away. "Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore."
"Where is this coming from?" She asks as I feel my biotics react again. I'm angry. I want this—us. I really do, but I don't want to hurt her. To see her in pain would be the final nail on my coffin. "I thought…" She says and I turn to face her again. "…we figured this out already." She pulls me closer to her. "Knight. Please talk to me." She says and I focus on calming my biotics. Slowly, my biotics stop making my body glow. I try to break free, but her hold on me is too strong.
"Liara…" I say and she raises a hand to my face. "I'm not who I thought I was." I say and grab the hand on my face, then slowly pull it away. "I need some time to think about…everything." I say and hold her hand in between my hands.
"What do you mean by 'everything'?" She asks as she looks concerned, almost angry. "This is about what happened at the lab. Isn't it?" She says and rests a hand on one of mine. "Don't let what happened in the lab bother you, Knight. Because there's nothing that you've learned today that I'm uncomfortable with."
"Even with my biotics being the way they are, or the fact that I'm some hybrid species?" I ask and feel my hands shaking. "Even if…even if I end up hurting you?" I ask in desperation and feel her hand rub on top of mine, trying to calm me down.
"No, you won't." She says as she takes the hand rested on mine and raises it up to my face. "I know you won't. And, you don't scare me."
"Even knowing that I was…created in order to fight against the galaxy?" I ask and she gives me a warm smile.
"Even knowing that. Knight, I am not afraid of you." She says and I let go of her hand.
"Maybe not now…but…" I say and sigh. "I still need time to process all of this."
The next day, I decided to go to the med-bay to visit Kiera and Danial. When I get there, I notice them talking to each other and rest my back on the wall next to the door to go inside the room. "No wonder she doesn't want to talk to us. Would you be able to just talk after learning all of that? An engineered biotic that was abandoned during the development stage?" I hear Danial say.
"She's probably scared of herself." I hear Kiera say. She's right.
"Maybe I just don't understand humans as much as I thought I did." I hear Liara's voice. Why is she here? She's already gone to check on them. She told me they were healing quickly.
"No, Dr. T'Soni. It's just her." Danial says and I bow my head.
"If she's having trouble with her biotics, why would she not tell me?" Liara asks. "I'm a biotic as well."
"Give her some time, Doctor." Kiera says. "I'm sure whatever is going on is on her end."
"Maybe you're right." Liara says, almost vocally more content. Then, I stand up from the wall. Before I Get to the door, it opens to Liara.
"I thought you weren't coming." Kiera says as I walk in, while ignoring Liara. As this happens, I see Kiera and Danial look at each other. Then, the door behind me closes. "Dr. T'Soni seemed worried about you."
"Did she? I didn't notice." I say, sarcastically. Apparently, they hear my sarcasm and look surprised.
"Then, why are you giving her the cold shoulder?" Danial asks. "She obviously cares about you."
"We care about you, too. So, resolve any issue you have and get back to talking with her. You hear me?" Kiera says with a smile. "She was our friend before any of us met you."
"Why do you care so much about me?" I ask, coldly. Then, I rest my back on the wall facing them as I cross my arms. "You shouldn't have done that…jumping in front of the krogan battle master to save me…Don't do that again."
"Aw, she cares!" Danial says, playfully with a wide smile across his face. I roll my eyes at him.
"We're friends, aren't we Knight?" Kiera asks with a smile. "You did the same for me already."
"If you have to ask us, then we can ask you. Why do you care?" Danial asks and I look down.
"I don't know…" I say as I think about my days as a space rat. Moving from place-to-place with a group of people. Friends and people I considered as family at one point. "…I guess…this is what having friends feels like."
"Are you just realizing that now?" Kiera asks and I look up at her. "You're fast in combat, but slow at these things, huh?"
"Don't worry. We'll help with that too." Danial says as I think about my biotics and how they could get out of control.
"But, your little tiff with the doctor?" Kiera says and crosses her arms. "We'll let you take care of that."
"Even if we tend to butt heads every now and then…Remember that we're here for you too, Knight." Danial says and I give them a small smile.
"Thank you." I say and stand up from the wall. "I'll let you get some rest." I say and start walking out.
Later, I decide that it was time to confront Liara. I don't want to let what happened before tear us apart. She's the only person I've ever felt this way for. When I get to her door, I notice that she isn't there yet. Instead of patiently waiting outside, I walk in. There are no alarms going off and I don't see Glyph anywhere. So, I calmly sit down on the couch to wait for her.
After minutes pass, the darkness of the room makes me tired. Despite my better judgment, I lay down and fall asleep almost instantly.
I dreamt of the final battle I will inevitably have with the krogan battle master. We use our biotic powers against each other for minutes, hours even, until a single blast sends me flying. In the dream, I hit a wall on impact. When I hit the wall, I wake up. My eyes are still closed as I feel someone stroking my hair. "Knight, are you awake?" Liara asks as she stops stroking my hair, and I open my eyes. She has me lying on her lap. "I didn't know you were coming over. You should have told me sooner."
"Liara? How long have you been here?" I ask as I look up at her.
"I got here about an hour ago." She says and I slowly try to sit up, but she pulls me back down. "No. You're staying here."
"This is…kind of embarrassing, Liara." I say as I look up at her.
"Then, you should have thought of that before sneaking into my room and falling asleep on my couch." She says with a playful smile.
"I was waiting for you before I fell asleep." I say and cross my arms.
"Are you going to talk to me this time?" She asks.
"That was the plan, at least." I say.
"Don't run away from me. Alright?" She says and lets me sit up.
"Liara, I…" I say and sigh. "I'm scared of everything that scientist told me."
"I know." She says and I look at her.
"You're not afraid that I could lose control of my biotics at any time—with or without any warning?" I ask and she rests a hand on my knee. "You're not afraid that I could be some kind of monster?"
"You're not at monster, and I'm not afraid of you, Knight." Liara says as she looks into my eyes. "Are you afraid of me?"
"No. I'm afraid of…somehow losing you, Liara." I say and she rests a gentle hand on my face.
"You won't." She says and hugs me.