Rashpaw: WHAT'S GOOD YALL! It's been a fat minute. Welcome to another highly anticipated episode of Warrior Cat Confessions Show!

Chip: Your favorite all-feline cast show! #representation.

Rashpaw: Today's episode is quite special. As you can see, we aren't at the studio. We're back here at SerpentClan's camp. Today, we will be interviewing...

Chip: Ourselves!

Rashpaw: That's right! It's a vlog! This show has been running for five years, and you guys have yet to find out about the most important cats here...us!

Chip: *coughs* Although if you read Meet Rashpaw's Dilemmas, you'd know our backstory...

Rashpaw: Okay, to be fair, the story is not even closed to being finished, and the author for our biography had the writing skill of a twelve year old...

Chip: Fair enough. Alright, let's get right to the interview. Cobrastar, our absolute unit of a cameraman, will finally make an appearance on the show today! He will be interviewing us.

(The camera is placed down on the ground. Chip and Rashpaw run out of the frame.)

Cobrastar: *Walks into the camera's frame* What's good, y'all? Good morning, y'all~ Happy Thursday, hope your day is going well~.

Rashpaw: *From offstage* First up is...

Chip: *As he is running up to the camera* CHHHHHHHHHHHEP!

Rashpaw: *From offstage* I can't believe you do the name-butchering thing to yourself as well.

Chip: Real recognizes real. Joining me today as a guest today is...RashPAWWWWHH!

Rashpaw: *Tumbles in*

Cobrastar: Okay, let's get started. Tell us about yourselves.

Rashpaw: Well, my name is Rashpaw, and I'm an apprentice for the clan of SerpentClan.

Chip: My name is Chip, and I am a loner.

Rashpaw: I honestly feel like that term is politically incorrect.

Chip: Yeah, it's 2019. We prefer the term "recluse".

Cobrastar: And how did you guys meet?

Rashpaw: I ran away from Riverfrost, my mentor, and I was wandering around in the forest. I was trying to catch a blackbird or something, but then I saw Chip was stalking it as well. We started arguing about who got there first.

Chip: First of all, I had the right of way, because I was the one that was downwind.

Rashpaw: Anyways, I would see him a lot when I went on walks by myself, and eventually we became friends.

Cobrastar: And what made you want to be become friends with a loner?

Rashpaw: ...No cap...but no one really liked me in SerpentClan.

Chip: Literally everyone hated her. It's because on a group hunt, she was the one that scared away the vole during a really hard winter. Also, I heard that you breathe too loud, so you aren't even allowed to hunt anymore.

Rashpaw: The medicine cat says it a medical issue!

Cobrastar: Rashpaw is just...a specialized warrior. So, Chip and Rashpaw, how did you guys get your names? Y'all both have some unappealing names.

Chip: My name is Chip because my eyes are icy blue, like a chip of ice.

Cobrastar: ...when has anyone in the history of ever said "chip of ice"?

Chip: It's symbolic!

Rashpaw: My parents named me Rashpaw because I was really impulsive as a kit. That's it. But everyone think it's because I have a skin rash or something.

Cobrastar: I feel like both of your parents could have put a bit more thought into your name. Anyways. Chip, how much of Clan life do you know about?

Chip: Uh...I know that in this forest there's several clans, and they have specialties. You guys are SerpentClan, and you guys are the only clan that eats snakes. And isn't a stereotype that you guys all have really long tails?

Cobrastar: It's a fact.

Chip: And you guys are really specialized fighters. Like some warrior developed this tail weapon attachment out of thorns, and you guys fight with your tails now or something.

Rashpaw: Yes, we often strike with our tails. Our signature move is the "Scorpion Strike", where we kind of just do a handstand and strike the tail forwards. The tail piece is made of vine and bramble or thorns. We only use it for battles.

Chip: Dude that's so weird and extra. Just use your teeth and claws...

Cobrastar: Chip, would you ever join our clan?

Chip: No, I'm fine with just hanging out here. It weirds me out when you guys do "group grooming time."

Cobrastar: It's a bonding experience!

Rashpaw: As if I want to lick Scaleweed's dusty-ass fur! Cobrastar, he literally rolls in dirt for fun.

Chip: Hey, is it a coincidence that your name is Cobrastar and you are the leader of SerpentClan?

Cobrastar: Well, my father Viperstar was a leader, and he chose me to be his deputy, and when he passed away, I became leader.

Chip: Your clan is a monarchy?

Cobrastar: NO...my great grandfather's name was Fangstar...

Chip: I bet his father and son was still named after a snake.

Rashpaw: Not all of them are named after snakes!

Chip: So why are most of them named after snakes? They must've known that they would be leaders. So your clan is a monarchy! Everything is an inside job!

Cobrastar: No-

Chip: So why haven't I met any cats here named Snake-something? Where's Viperkit? Adderclaw? Phythonstrike? BlackMambafoot? Anaconda-

Rashpaw: It's not a conspiracy! Our deputy is literally named Riverfrost.

Chip: Wait, he's the deputy?

Rashpaw: Yeah, you didn't know that?

Chip: So your mentor is the deputy?

Rashpaw: Yeah.

Chip: And you're STILL hated by everyone?

Rashpaw: Not anymore! And Riverfrost and I don't get along anyways.

Cobrastar: Why not? I CHOSE him for you :(.

Rashpaw: He's way too emo.

Chip: Dang, I was my OWN mentor...

Rashpaw: Sorry, not all of us can be a loner.

Chip: Hey! It's "recluse", thank you very much. At least I don't have to rely on others to teach me basic life skills. I can't imagine being that babied.

Rashpaw: It's not like that, you idiot. I learn the finest hunting and fighting techniques that many cats can't ever master in their lifetime!

Chip: What hunting skills? Blocked sinus ass!

Rashpaw: IT'S A MEDICAL ISSUE.

Chip: How do you suck at breathing?

Rashpaw: How do you suck at having a community that loves and supports you?

Chip: Take it back!

Rashpaw: APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING ME BAD AT BREATHING!

Chip: NO, BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD. CATS DON'T EVEN GET ALLERGIES.

(Chip and Rashpaw both puff up their furs)

Cobrastar: Oh, wow I guess we really do have a fight every episode.

Chip: SCORPION STRIKE, MY ASS!

(Chip slaps Rashpaw with his tail)

Rashpaw: ACTUALLY, that was a Side Whip.

(Rashpaw tackles Chip)

Chip: "AcTUalLY, ThAT wAs A sIDe WHip!"

Rashpaw: Oh hi, I'm Chip, and I sleep in a TREE!

(Chip bodyslams Rashpaw)

Rashpaw: COBRASTAR, TOSS ME MY TAIL-PIECE. IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

(Rashpaw grabs the boom mic and starts hitting Chip with it, causing harsh audio feedback)

Cobrastar: Oh shi- *Run towards Chip and Rashpaw, then pauses* That concludes today's episode! Remember, we're back, and we will be back by popular demand! *Looks back towards Chip and Rashpaw, who are both trying to shove the mic in each other's mouths* Okay, stop-stop the camera! Now!