Sup guys it has been a minute but I hope my super long chapter makes up for it. For any of you excited to see what happened in Emma's youtube story I am sorry disappoint this chapter will not have one. The chapter its self is super long and I wanted to get it out. and for any one suggesting I make a new story out of It. my answer is maybe. I kind of have a lot going on right now and this is the best way I can get it out and I kinda want to see your guys reaction to the story idea before doing something else. Also the whole logistics of the story which I could ramble on about all day BUT I won't. Now to shut up
Oh and since I have issues with readying dyslexia and whatever I tried my best to edit, but the chapter was so long I kept getting lost and confused. Hopefully its not to bad.
May 20th
Emma
"Hey," Emma greeted Regina groggily.
"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you," Regina had changed into a pair of red and black pajama shorts and one of Emma's tank top. Her hair was wet from her recent shower and the glow of pregnancy was still present. For a moment Emma's world was perfect.
"It's all good," the blonde stretched before adjusting herself on the bed. It was late about three in the morning and Regina had just gotten off work. "How was work?"
"Loud," Regina said crawling into bed finding her spot cuddled into Emma. "There was bachelor party at the bar. They got a little rowdy, but it all worked out." Emma chuckled out as the feeling of being complete over took her.
"Basically code for more than one of them hit on you," she attempted to make the comment light and teasing, but it more than anything came out oozing with insecurity.
"You know I always get hit on," she felt Regina's body stiffen, "but yes more than one tried to take me home." Emma's heart clenched as the insecurities she had thought to have buried dug their way to the surface. "Are you okay?"
"Yup," Emma popped the P on yup, instantly regretting the decision to try and fake being cool.
"What's wrong?" Regina sat up looking at her.
"It's nothing," she groaned as Regina pulled herself into a sitting position.
"I hate when you act like this." Regina sighed, "I am pregnant and tired; please just tell me what's wrong so we can go back to cuddling."
"It's stupid."
"Emma." Regina stated firmly.
"I am having insecure doubts."
"About?"
"Us," Emma could see Regina physically taken back.
"Oh." Regina sat straighter and more serious. "Okay. Um could you elaborate more? Like do you want to break up or something?"
"I truly don't know how I feel." Emma sat up against the head board, "I told my parents about the baby and they apparently knew already, something about you eating grilled cheeses. I don't know. Any way it kind of became an argument because I thought my mom was implying the baby wasn't mine. Then I realized that it wasn't her, but me being…suspicious, insecure, untrusting? I can't find the right word without making it sound bad," Emma sighed, "I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I am not even angry I just feel…something." Regina stayed quiet for a while causing Emma too become antsy.
"I can understand what you are saying Em, but I don't know what I can do to make it better." Regina finally said.
"Maybe I just don't understand. We have talked about you and Daniel. I just feel like how am I believe to you? How do I trust that you aren't still taking to him or any other guy for a fact? How do I know this baby is mine? How can I trust anything?" Regina looked hurt at Emma's accusation, "But then I think how fuck up that is of me to think that. Out of the two of us you should be the one who doesn't trust me. Yet you do. Then I think back to all the time before I decided to be serious and I know we were never together so it's not the same. Then I think back to that thing with Daniel and again I know we were never together although we were sleeping with each other, so it kind of the same as before and I'm confused and." Regina recognized the blondes frantic mind still working on finding the answer to her personal dilemma. Shifted on the bed and sat on Emma's lap. Regina's sudden movement causing a pause in Emma's mind as her body reacted to her brunette girlfriend. Regina leaned in placing a soft reassuring kiss on Emma lips.
"Slow down," Regina said softly. How could she question the love Regina gave her? Emma's Heart could feel the love Regina poured on to her, but her brain told her different. "Let's take this one question at a time."
"Why do I feel this way?" Emma was starved for answers to questions she never knew she had.
"I don't know," Emma threw her head back hitting it against the headboard and closed her eyes. "Dont." Regina warned rubbing the blondes head. "I can only speculate that the reason you feel this was is, because I led you on. I made you believe that while we were not officially a couple that, I was only interested in you," Regina placed her right hand on Emma's heart, "and no one has ever put you into a situation like that."
"That makes sense I guess," Emma placed her own hand over Regina's. "Are you still talking to him?"
"I have talked to him once about a month ago," Emma's face dropped further, "But it's not what you think I only talked to so he would leave me alone."
"I am not trying to sound controlling, but I don't like you talking to him."
"Trust me I don't plan on talking to him again. If you are curious, which I know you are, he was trying to convince me to get back together with him and that if I could deal with you less we would work out." Emma's grip tightened on Regina's hand.
"What did you say?"
"I told him that you had nothing to do with me not being with him, that I was just done. Then he kept insisting that if I just cut you out 'we' would work. Then I not nicely told him to fuck off and not speak to me ever again." Emma felt Regina slowly grind into her causing a moan to slip from her lips.
"Stop it. I'm trying to be serious." Emma half-heartedly scolded.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help it," Regina innocently smiled.
"So you're not talking to him right now," she tried to get back on topic.
"No."
"So if I asked to see your phone you would show it to me?" For a second Emma thought Regina would flip out and tell her no.
"Only if you show me yours," 'no' Emma was thankful her mouth hadn't spit out that word before she could think. There were some old messages from girls she had texted. Some recent text she had not responded too. Also there were some pictures she had not deleted, but if she said no though it might have bad repercussions towards their relationship.
"Fine, but I want you to know you will find things in there, because I have not deleted them."
"Why not?" the question was sharp, and filled with the onset of anger.
"I just haven't thought about it and I haven't answered any of the messages." She pulled Regina close giving her a deep passionate kiss hoping to convey her love and loyalty. They continued kissing as Emma's hand found its way to Regina's stomach. Emma pulled away looked at her hand resting on the small bump.
"It's yours, Em I promise. This baby 100% is you there is no one else, but I will prove it." Emma stared at Regina deep in her eyes searching for any sign she was lying or any doubt. As she searched the depts. of Regina's soul she felt silly trying to search for something that did not exist. She final settled on her gut feeling saying that there was not a thing Regina was keeping from her.
"I love you more than I could ever grasp." Emma stated hoping to verbalize her truth.
"I know," Regina nodded. It hurt those Emma to hear those two words. Regina hadn't said I love you yet and Emma was fearful she would never hear them.
"Do you not love me?" Emma asked softly fearing that if she said it any louder it would make the next words be a no. Regina made a sound indicating she was over having to answer Emma's questions of insecurity.
"They are just words Emma."
"Then say them."
"You know I won't," Emma felt tears prick her eyes. "It's not that I don't. I just…the words are just so permanent."
"And I am not a permanent relationship for you," Emma tried to slip from under Regina.
"I didn't say that," but Regina just adjusted herself, "why do I have to say it? Don't I do enough to show you how I feel?"
"Regina get off me," Emma struggled.
"No. I want to know why I have to say something I feel uncomfortable with to please you." Emma was able to finally flip Regina off her.
"Maybe I need a little reassurance that you actually feel the same way I do!" Emma yelled as Regina jumped to her knees. Both froze for a second watch as there stirring son settled back into sleep.
"Do not yell at me," Regina growled. "If sleeping with you, cooking for you, trying to care for our son while studying and working full time while you finish at the academy, and carrying your fucking second child is less significant than three fucking words then we have a real problem," Regina stood her ground.
"A child that may not even be mine," Emma let slip before she catch the words. She instantly regretted them.
"Get out," Regina now nearly in tears seethed.
"Regina-" she tried to apologized.
"GET OUT!" Regina yelled luckily not waking Henry. Feeling defeated Emma nodded her head gathered her stuff and with her tail between her legs left the room. Closing the door Emma leaned against it inside she could hear the faint sobbing coming from Regina. This had not gone to plan.
June 1st
Regina
It had been a week and a half since her and Emma's fight. Even when Emma came home for the weekend Regina had stayed away from her. It's not that she didn't want to see Emma or be around her she just was angry. She felt insulted that Emma could believe it was so easy for her to sleep around. Even worse she knew Emma was avoiding her.
"Regina," her head snapped at the sound of her name. "Are you even listening to me?"
"I am sorry Robin. What were you saying?" She shook her head trying to focus on her friend.
"What's your deal?" Robin asked concerned, "You are nowhere in this room."
"I am sorry. I want to be here I promise. I just have a lot on my mind." Regina ran a hand threw her hair. It was rare that she had some time away from Henry that did not include school or work. So this was a much needed night out.
"Has the honeymoon faze finally ended?"
"I don't know. We had a fight. Well not like a true fight fight, but a disagreement," Regina sighed heavily.
"When did this happen?"
"2 week ago."
"Have you guys talked since then?" Regina just shook her head. The words were now sticking to her throat. The fear that this might be the end caused her heart to ache. "Why not?"
"I don't know maybe I just don't understand." Regina shrugged, "She is upset because I haven't told her 'I love you'. When I told her I wasn't ready she flipped out saying that the baby may not even be hers."
"Not that I am thinking badly of you, but is the baby hers?"
"Yes." Regina sighed slightly annoyed, "I am not an easy girl."
"I mean, again not that I think you are, but can you blame her for questioning the baby." Robin sipped his coffee. "You obviously gave her reason to question the paternity of your children."
"Oh please the fact that I am telling her that it is hers should be reason enough. I have never lied to her," She was upset. Regina never doubted who Henry's Father although Robin and her did have sex. It was always Emma. Now even more when she has only slept with Emma she knew who the father was of her children. "No one knows what anyone does when they are by themselves, unless they are caught. Even when you get caught there are so many unanswered questions."
"I hate you," he always tried to get her to see the other side of the coin. At this moment though that was not a thing Regina cared to see, "you're supposed to be on my side."
"Shut up I am your side, but sometimes you are so stubborn that you would give up your relationship because of an argument."
"I never said I was giving up my relationship with Emma! I am just really hurt."
"Oh really? Because you just said mere minutes ago that you did not know the status of your relationship." Robin's teasing voice and twinkle in his eye made Regina want to reach over giving him good slap. As she glared at her friend she did not catch someone walk up to their table.
"Regina Hey." Turning her head she observed a nervous looking Daniel. "You're here on a date."
"Not you again," Regina sighed. "Look I am going to be nice this one time. I am not in the mood for you go away."
"It's just I am here on a date isn't that a weird coincidence," he gave a weird laugh.
"Is he serious?" Robin asked Regina rhetorically. "Is this the guy?" Regina ignored both hoping that one of them, preferably Daniel, would catch the hint and leave. It didn't work Daniel kept talking while Robin sarcastically listened to the dull man blunder on about who knew what. Regina pulled out her phone buzzing phone. It was a message from Emma saying she couldn't make it this weekend. Regina's heart skipped Emma never has purposefully missed a weekend. Quickly she texted out a message asking why and if she were okay. There was no response. It felt like fore ever before she got a message and what she saw concerned her. Emma had message asking which strip clubs they were going too followed by a quick that wasn't for you. Standing up Regina retreated to the bathroom with her phone she was determined to call Emma until she got a response. Finally after what seemed like a hundred call only to be pushed to voicemail she got through.
"Seriously what is your deal? Stop calling me," Emma bit.
"No we need to talk. Are you really opting to go to a strip club instead of coming to see your son?" Regina seethed with jealousy and anger. She could even feel her heart breaking and her eyes start to water. "Do we really mean so little to skip a visit for some naked woman?"
"I need a break." Regina became furious. She needed a break?
"And I don't! I know being a responsible adult is hard for you but it's even harder for me. I have to wake up every day to basically being a single parent. What do you do? Go to school and that's It." she was yelling and she could care less.
"Look if you just blew up my phone to yell at me I'm just going to hang."
"I am not the wrong here Emma. You can't just accuse me of all these horrible things and then ignore me like it's my fault," tears were rolling down her face. She cried even harder when the line had gone suddenly dead. Painful sobs racked over her body causing fall to an awkward squat. This was happening again Emma was going to leave her. After giving into loving Emma she was going to leave her and she was pregnant again. Standing Regina wiped her mascara from her face checked her lipstick. As she did this Regina made contact with her eyes. Thoughts of Emma plagued her mind. It was how stupid she let someone get to her like this.
No. It was only Emma who made her feel like this. Emma is the only one that could make her feel like trash and loved at the same time. Only Emma can make her smile one minute than cry her eyes out. Isn't that nature of love though? Having a person you give everything to and allowing them that power to emotionally destroy you? And yet we do it with the trust that even though they have it they won't use it to intentionally hurt. That is where Regina is stuck between knowing Emma is about to hurt her and there is nothing she could do to stop it. Maybe Regina was fooling herself? Maybe this was Emma's grand master plan to finally hurt her? But they were happy weren't they? Was that all an act? Maybe they weren't meant to be?
"No," Regina stated allowed she would not let this happen. Had to trust what she felt was real. They had been doing this off and 'not-on' bull shit their whole relationship. Personally she was done. She was exhausted with the games both of them were playing. So either they were going to be together or they were going to be done. But she was not going to let 'them' go without a fight. She would not let this go unless Emma said to because at least this way she knew she had tried. That way if her children asked why Emma and her were not together she can say they tried but it just didn't work. She had to do this for her kids. She walked out of the bathroom with a new determination and anger about her. She saw Robin still entertaining Daniel. "Let's go." She demanded as she made it to the table.
"You don't have to leave because of me." Daniel stated Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes. Robin threw some bills on the table as he got up. Regina turned to leave only to feel Daniel grab her wrist.
"Seriously?" Regina pulled her arm roughly away, "Don't touch me," She snapped. "Robin," she non-verbally let him know she was done and they needed to leave now. Walking out she be lined for her car. Hearing footsteps catch up to her she knew they were Robins. "Get in" she beeped the car open. Robin sensing his friend's irritation did what he was told. It wasn't until he saw Regina driving for the Storybrooke town sign that he decided to talk.
"I didn't know that guy upset you that much."
"He doesn't." She focused on the road. "He annoys me that is about it."
"Then where are we going?"
"Boston." Regina said gripping the wheel.
5 hours later Boston.
"Regina this is pointless." Robin sighed as he buckled himself into the passenger seat. "We have been to 15 different strip clubs." Regina sighed she had driven to Emma's apartment only to find the place dark. Still determined though she dragged Robin to every strip club she could find. "Maybe we should just wait for her at the apartment?"
"No I have to find her." She drove down the very confusing streets to their next destination.
"Be reasonable Regina we have been searching for hours? Even if we find her what are you going to do?" She knew he was hungry and tired, she was too, but she couldn't give up.
"I don't know yet." Regina sighed out loud as the she pulled up to a red light. "I just need her to see me."
"Why?"
"Because if she sees me then she will know I am serious about us."
"I don't get it."
"I don't either." They drove in silence for another 15 minutes until they pulled up to a bright pink lighted building called 'The Cat House'. It looked to be a popular location with cars filling the parking lot. This had to be were Emma was at. Yes there were many possibilities as to where Emma could be, but with the popularity of this place this had to be it. "This is it," she called to Robin with a loud groan. Walking into the club Regina cold feel her blood pumping to the sound of the base as the music played. She had never been to a strip club nor had she ever wanted too. Nothing against the place or the women who worked there; it was the idea of being at a bar that irritated her. When she wasn't working booze and drunken people were not what she found relaxing.
"ID's," The bouncer asked the pair as they passed the front of the groaning men in line. Normally you would have to be at least 21 to enter a strip club, but recently something amazing had happened. Well at least she thought it was amazing. Her boss, Mr. Gold who was a very wealthy business man who own dozens of properties and was partnered with many other business, had come to her with a promotion opportunity. Mr. Gold was an older gentleman with two sons. Neal Gold, Emma's friend, and Gideon Gold who was 3 years old, both unable to care for any of his business should something happen to him. That being said Mr. Gold had come to Regina with the idea that he would take her under his wing. The plan was that in 10ish years Gold would liquidate most of his assets except a select few that Regina would manage. Gold would get a small portion of the proceeds while Regina takes the rest. The money that was gained from the liquidation Regina would get a small portion of that, but the most of it would be split in two for his sons.
"Here," now that she was part of Gold's inner circle there were many benefits she got. One of them was a jet black membership card with what Regina believed to be real gold letters that spelled out GOLD. This beauty basically got her in everywhere in the region. She flashed the card to the guy.
"Name," the bouncer sighed in annoyance as he pulled a list out of his podium. Normally Regina would rip him a new one, but she was on a mission.
"Mills, Regina." The man opened the rope allowing the pair in. First thing she did was head to the bar to scope the lay of the land, so to speak. As she looked across the room a bartender came over to them. "Apple martini."
"Dude you can't drink" Robin whispered in her ear.
"I Forgot" she sighed, "you can have it," Robin nodded in agreement. The bartender came back with her drink that she generously sipped. It took a minute for her to search the crowd, but thankfully her search was over. On the second floor sat a group of men and three women. One she recognized as Dorothy, one she did not recognize but knew she was a dancer was sat upon the lap of the last woman who to Regina's dismay was her Emma. As she watched as they laughed and drank shots jealousy flooded her body. She wanted nothing more than to go up there and rip Emma's dick off. Regina decided to be a little less violent would be the best option. Regina quickly headed for the stairs to what she believed was the V.I.P. area. She was stopped again by a bouncer flashed her card and was on the move up the stairs as she reached the top she was stopped by a man in a flashy suit she supposed was the manager.
"Ms. Mills what a-a pleasant surprise." The man stuttered. She was caught off for a brief moment when the man said her name. "I hope Mr. Gold is doing well."
"Yes, he is well." She offered her hand he shook it graciously.
"He did not mention that he would be coming tonight or else I would have gotten his room ready." The man nervously stated.
"That is fine. He is not here. I am meeting some friend here so it's just me tonight." She smiled kindly.
"Oh well in that case I will still get the room ready. Let me show you to it," Regina nodded.
"If you don't mind I would like to wait in the room for them." The man smiled and ushered her to a bluish lit room that was considerably more private and quiet room. It had a fully stock high priced bar, a smallish dance pole area surrounded by a large u shaped couch. To finish the room a large window looked out on to the city and bay.
"What now?" Robin asked his highly stressed friend.
"Will you go get her? I just don't want to make it bigger scene then what it is already." Robin nodded and headed to leave the room.
"You know, as tiring as this adventure is. It is pretty awesome that we are in a big ass room in a strip club and literally everyone has kissed your ass since we started this trek." Regina just smiled, "all I am saying is I thought you were an amazing person before, but this…" he gestured to the room, "this just shows you are on your way to being something great. Even if the one person is to selfish to let you grow at your own pace just know what you are doing in life is working." AS Robin left the room Regina felt silent tears start to form. She was frustrated and to have someone validate her personal growth while the person she loved looked past it made it worse. Turning she ran both hands through her hair and took in the peaceful beauty of the city. She caught her reflection in the large window she looked like a mom causing her to chuckle. Her hair was down she wore a grey long thin hooded sweater and black leggings with black comfy boots. This was something you definitely don't wear to a strip club.
"Regina?" She turned to see Emma standing in a button up shirt and skinny jeans. "Is everything alright? Is Henry alright? Where is he did you bring him here?" Regina raised her hand stop Emma from speaking.
"Henry is at home. Everything is not alright but that's why I am here."
"How did you even find me?"
"I have my ways." She was not going to give Emma the satisfaction of knowing she drove to every club she could find. "We are in an argument and since you will not talk to me like an adult I have to literally stalk you."
"I was going to talk to you." She could tell Emma was half lying.
"When Emma? After you fucked a stripper?" she bit loudly.
"I wasn't going to fuck her." Emma growled, "I haven't cheated on you, but if think that I am such a cheating piece of shit then I might as well-"
"Stop!" both of them stopped Regina rubbed her head. "I didn't say you were a cheater what I said is that you may make a stupid decision that will affect us and I don't want that."
"I wouldn't cheat on you Regina." Emma said softly.
"How do I know that? When I see some stripper all over you it makes me wonder."
"I just needed a break."
"A break from what? Me? Our son?" Regina could see Emma closing up. "Just Help Me understand what's going on."
"I don't know. If I could just get some time." Emma stuck her hands in her pocket.
"I have given you almost 2 week already. How much time do you need a month? 3 months? A year? I can't wait forever Emma. I won't wait forever. I gave you the out before Henry was born. You didn't have to stay. You still don't have to stay Henry is still young enough were he won't remember."
"I don't have to stand for this," Emma turned to leave opening the door.
"If you leave out that door Emma Swan, WE are done. No more chances. No more do overs." They both stopped and let Regina's words wash over them. Regina knew if Emma chose to leave she had to stick to her word. It broke her heart just think that Emma would leave. Regina didn't breathe as the base of the music reverberated in the room. It felt like forever before either of them moved. Emma out of contemplation of her actions and Regina out of her fear that any movement she made would result in Emma leaving. Finally Emma let the door shut and Regina exhaled the air that was in her lungs. Needing a drink after their standoff Regina headed behind the bar. Grabbing out a cup with ice and started mixing four types of Rum, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice, Amaretto, and Apple Juice.
"What are you doing? You can't drink," Regina did not say anything as she continued her mixing.
"Here," Regina slid the drink across the bar then poured herself some apple juice. Emma took a sip tentatively, "that will knock you on your ass so watch it."
"You probably could get in trouble messing around back there." Emma pointed to Regina's current position behind the unoccupied bar.
"Doubt it." Regina drank half of her juice Emma eyeing her. "It's apple juice and for now this is my private room."
"Still they probably want a bartender who works here back there." Emma sat on a stool in front of the bar.
"My current promotion dares them to say anything." She eyed Emma.
"Promotion?"
"Yup, but I am not here to talk about that." She took another drink.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No."
"Then why do you keep telling me to leave."
"I have never once said Emma leave and never come back. What I have said is that if you are looking for permission to leave because this is too much then go. I won't hold it against you."
"If you were in my position would you leave?"
"If I was in your position as me…? No I wouldn't, because I am in unconditionally in love with both my children and never want to miss a moment of their existence. But if you are asking if I was you in your position…? I can't answer that for you. Only you can.
"I don't want to leave."
"Okay then don't." They sat for a minute. "I need you to know Em that I don't say I love you because, 1 I feel moments like this were you get to take a break while I care for our children without complaint is love. 2 that when I make effort to do thing that will make you smile like make your favorite meal is love. 3 that when you touch me or I touch you and it cause me to shiver and my heart pounds and you know that is love." Regina Reached over and softly caressing Emma's face watching as Emma leaned into the touch. "Love is showing me how you feel not words. Saying I love you is so easy to say, but showing is love is hard. I love you doesn't come two hours dressed in leggings and a long sleeve to a strip club to prove to you that you mean something that worth fighting for." Leaning over Regina leant over the bar connecting their lips. Sparks flew and all anger they held disappeared. Regna pulled away needing air. "If you need a break fine, but know that if you take too long I will leave, because I shouldn't be job that you need a vacation from." Standing up Regina drank the rest of her apple juice and headed for the door. "Please use this place for your fun tonight. Everything is on me. Food. Drinks. Women. Lap dances. Whatever. Just know I will be at home with our kids waiting." With that she left out the door gathered Robin who was talking to Emma's friend. She also let them know that food and drink were free in the private room she came out of. Before leaving she informed the manager that the group was to be taken care of and that the blonde woman was to get a dance from a least two of his best girls. The man nodded in enthusiasm especially when she tipped him $200. Regina then got into her car with Robin and drove home. A short while into the drive Robin had fallen asleep leaving Regina thinking and hoping she had not made a mistake.