*V*V*V*V*V*
On Tuesday, I've already made up my mind on how to proceed, though Alice counsels me against it.
"You can't do that for the rest of the school year," she points out.
"Watch me." I feel like I've been transformed into a battle-hardened warrior overnight, prepared to go to any lengths to protect myself. "He made himself very clear, so I'm not going to bother him anymore."
Alice shakes her head. "He was just overreacting because you freaked him out about your mom knowing and he has lots of feelings for you," she says patiently. She's probably been talking to Jasper too much.
I don't want her wisdom right now. I am tired, hurt, and angry and I've already resolved to have as little contact with him as possible. Therefore, when lunch ends, I head directly to the library instead of Edward's office, finding a plush loveseat in the corner and curling up with the manuscript Jasper gave me, working on editing that instead.
I spend the whole period poring over a biography of Elizabeth I, trying to figure out how to present the information better while also correcting simple grammatical things. No one questions my presence in the library – a bunch of students come here for study hall anyway – and no one bothers me. It's peaceful, actually, being absorbed in a project amidst thousands of books, not having to deal with my own drama.
And, just like that, the period is over and I continue on with my normal day. I don't see Edward once and consider my experiment a great success.
*V*V*V*V*V*
An entire two weeks pass without so much as a single Edward encounter – not even a coincidental glance in the hallway. It's odd how easy it is to avoid him in such a tiny school. I feel a twinge of guilt that I am not doing any tutoring work or completing any of my other responsibilities, but he does not try to track me down or contact me. It almost hurts more, but he's probably relieved to have the respite from the stupid girl that confused herself for an adult.
It doesn't help that I hardly see Alice anymore. Well, that's not entirely true. We see each other, but not like we used to, lazing about on Saturdays, doing homework on Sundays. She spends most of her weekends in Port Angeles with Jasper now. I'm not resentful exactly because her radiant joy is awe-inspiring, but I miss her company – particularly in the midst of my heartache. At least one of us has her man, though.
The only awkward part at work is that Carlisle swoops in to take me to lunch one Saturday, delicately apologizing for the events of the office party and for his ignorance of my age and former relationship to his son – if he only knew I had bagged two of his sons rather than one. It's so painfully uncomfortable that I blush and rush through my own apology. However, his charm wins me over again as he laughs and changes the subject, asking me about my work experience thus far. We end up chatting amicably about editing and the switch to electronic reading devices and even politics over the course of an hour, so it's not a complete loss. He even makes a comment about me being sure to apply here for a job when I graduate college.
Otherwise, I quietly turn eighteen, celebrating with the usual dinner with my mom. She cooks lasagna for me and we talk at length about Edward and his reaction to her acceptance – I'm trying to be more open with her now – but she agrees with Alice that I can't hide in the library forever, that he's probably scared of fewer boundaries keeping him from acting on his impulses. I don't want to hear her wisdom either.
Emmett texts me every once in a while, staying true to his word to remain nothing more than friendly. He asks me how things are going and tells me about his classes, inviting me once again to come visit him at college. I remain noncommittal though the prospect of getting away from Forks for a while sounds appealing.
After the third week of completely blowing off my tutoring gig, I realize I no longer feel angry with Edward. Well, not as angry. There's something that twists in my stomach whenever I think about him – somewhere between longing and wistfulness – but I feel no bitterness. He was right, in a way. We were going to drive each other mad and my cooler head allows me a more sober outlook of my own foolishness. I never should have held any pretentions of being together one day.
The biggest surprise through my time in self-enforced exile is that I develop a friendship with Demetri. He was the first to stop being weird around me after the office party incident. He's a married thirty-something, but we jive well together.
"Oh my god, don't tell me you're using company time for more architectural geeking out," I tease him, seeing the open browser tab for building blueprints. Turns out he initially went to school for architecture and maintains adoration for the practice though he couldn't get a job in his chosen field. He went back to school for an English degree and started here six months ago.
"There's only five minutes left before work's over, sass monster," he says, sticking out his tongue at me.
"Whatever you say, nerd," I joke. "I came to borrow your stapler." There are literally six staplers closer to me than his, but whatever. I feel like chatting. I lean across his desk and grab it without waiting for permission, stapling my summarized review of a potential manuscript to the front of the first chapter. Jasper has been giving me a steady stream of projects now – and I don't even think it's because he's dating my best friend.
"Why do you always steal my supplies, zaika?"
"Don't you Russians believe in equal distribution of resources?"
"For the last time, I'm not a Communist," he says, rolling his eyes, but smiling at my well-worn joke. "Were you even born when the Wall came down?"
"Nope," I acknowledge freely. "How old were you? Forty?"
"Oh, pipe down, you darn youth. I came here when I was six, for god's sake. A really cute six-year-old, for the record." He makes a show of tossing his hair, making me grin.
"Edward!" I hear Tori say from behind me.
My eyes wheel around to find Edward staring at me. Realizing how it must look that I am leaning against Demetri's desk, bent close, laughing, I guiltily tilt away out of instinct. Of course, I don't know why I feel guilty – Demetri is happily married, even if Edward doesn't know that. I owe him nothing.
He breaks his searing eye contact with me – it leaves me shaken, not having seen him for three weeks – and turns to hug Tori. "Hey."
Her smile is huge. "What are you doing here?"
"I had to talk with my dad about something."
"Oh, I thought you were here to see me."
"Well, I'm free now. Do you want to grab dinner?"
How fucking thoughtful. I turn my head away from them sharply, reminding myself that I am not angry anymore. I wonder if they're having sex again, but it shouldn't matter to me. Isn't that what adult people get to do?
"Oh my gosh, that's so sweet, but I'm not done working yet. Do you want to wait in the lobby for a bit?"
I tune them out, shaking my head. "Thanks for the stapler," I say to Demetri.
"Any time, zaika."
"You know I know you've been calling me bunny for weeks, right? I googled it."
He guffaws, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. He says a much longer sentence in Russian, but I have no idea what it means. "It's because your nose twitches like a bunny when you laugh."
I narrow my eyes at him and wrinkle my nose purposefully. "You're lucky I don't come up with a nickname for you."
"Do your worst, bunny."
I roll my eyes at him, but head back to my own work station, packing up my folders of editing projects and studiously avoiding looking behind me where I know Edward is waiting for Tori.
"Oh, hey, man," Jasper says as he steps out of his office, seeing his brother standing by the elevators. "I didn't know you were coming."
"Yeah, I was picking up that check from dad." I hear them thump each other's backs. "I didn't think everyone would be working this late." Even though his tone is casual, I am paranoid enough to think he's talking about me.
"Jasper," I interrupt, not glancing at Edward at all, "I am going to head out. I'll see you on Saturday."
He gives me a look. I never leave early – not even by three minutes – because I usually stay to talk to him and goof around without prying ears. But he knows my desperation to flee.
"Ok, good luck with the Marsden piece. You know you don't have to finish it by –."
"You know I'm going to finish it anyway," I tell him with a small smile. I am voracious when it comes to reading all these manuscripts. There is a growing pile of them in my car, like some kind of eccentric dragon horde.
"Right, Jack," he laughs. "See you Wednesday."
The elevator is still on this floor, so the doors slide open immediately when I press the button. To my shock and dismay, Edward says, "Ok, I'll catch you later, Jasper. I'm going to go wait for Tori," and steps into the elevator with me.
I immediately shrink back into the corner. Fuck.
Although I expect him to speak while he has me trapped alone – because there's no way he coincidentally got on this elevator – he keeps his gaze trained on the doors despite the tense muscles of his jaw. I can feel anticipation radiating off of him, like a predator preparing to strike.
The floors slowly tick down to one and my heartbeat is frantic with expectation. Just as we reach the lobby and the doors roll open, he says it: "See you tomorrow. It's your turn to bring the coffee." He almost smiles.
And that's it. He does not glance at me again, smoothly striding out and sitting on a couch to wait for Tori. What happened to forgetting he ever met me? I'm so dazed that the doors begin to shut on me before I step out, causing me to stumble forward and walk quickly to the exit, fighting my urge to run.
My difficulty is that don't know if I want to run away from him or run to him.
*V*V*V*V*V*