Chapter Twenty One

Elaine stayed in bed for days, staring at the wall in silence. Severus had attempted to get her to speak but there were just no words that Elaine could find. It was easier to stay quiet and wallow in the emptiness that grew inside of her.

She was a murderer. She'd killed. She didn't know if she could ever forgive herself for that, despite the fact it had been his life or both of theirs, and despite the fact he had practically handed her over to the dark lord on a platter.

It was maybe a week later when Severus brought the news home that Charity Burbage was dead, and how she'd died. He sat by her in the bed, just talking, mentioning how the dark lord had asked why she wasn't present.

"I covered for you," Severus said softly. "He is expecting you the next meeting, however." Elaine jerked up.

"What -" Elaine's voice came out cracked. "What'd you say?"

"I claimed that you were attempting to contact Potter," Severus said. "He doubts that it will work, but he encourages you to try." Elaine snorted, turning on her other side. "Elaine, you are going to have to get out of bed eventually."

"Why?" Elaine questioned, laying back down and turning her head to look at him. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it? Let him kill me, I've destroyed my soul, anyway, and to be honest, Severus, I just don't care."

"I was younger than you," Severus said, after several minutes. "Nineteen, I think." He paused, his hands fidgeting with the comforter, a scar Elaine hadn't noticed cutting across it. "In order to join back then, you had to prove you wanted to, and Lucius- he had pushed me into it. And so I went with him one day, the two of us went to a muggle neighborhood and broke into a muggleborn's home. We killed her, her husband, her children. I - I killed her. She begged me not to, to spare her, and I laughed in her face." Elaine turned completely around, watching his face, the shadows in his eyes. "Her name was Marlene McKinnon, and she was Lily's - your mother's - friend."

"You were - you were a child, Severus," Elaine whispered, and he smirked at her.

"A child, at nineteen? No, I knew what I was doing, I had the option to walk away. You did not have a choice, Elaine, but even so, your first kill - you don't get over that easily, or if you do, you belong in Azkaban."

"What's your point?" Elaine asked him.

"My point is you can't let this control the rest of your life," he said, in the gentlest tone Elaine had ever heard from him. "You can let it destroy you, or you can use it to help in the quest to kill him. It's your choice."

A week later, Harry was being picked up from the Dursley's. Severus had had no choice but to let the dark lord know this information, and so he and a group of his death eaters were going to be there. Elaine was excused, but Severus had to go.

He left in the morning, and Elaine paced most of the day, waiting to hear news. She hated being on this end of things, and couldn't wait until they were back at Hogwarts, where she'd have something to distract her on these kinds of days. She tried reading, but she got a page or two into a book and couldn't concentrate any further.

It was nearing two in the morning when she heard the crack that signaled Severus's return, and she jumped out of bed, meeting him by the door. He looked paler than usual, and she immediately knew something had happened. She set a kettle on the stove to boil and went to sit by him on the couch, where he'd gone upon entering the house.

"What's happened?"

"There was an - unexpected event, as far as the dark lord knows," he began, not looking at her. "They used polyjuice. There was seven Harry's - it was chaos."

"That's not what's bothering you," Elaine said gently. Severus looked up at her.

"Harry might be dead."

Elaine's eyes jerked to his. "What?"

"I -" Severus stood and began to pace. "I don't think it was Harry," he said finally, turning back to look at her. "I'm not sure, it was chaos, as I said, with us all on brooms- Amycus was aiming for a Harry, and I reacted. I sent sectumsempra in her direction. Except I missed. I goddamn missed."

"If Harry -" Elaine swallowed. "If it was Harry, we would have heard about it, I'm sure. The dark lord would advertise his death, to take hope away from everyone." Severus sat back down next to her, shaking.

"I started this for your mother, you know," he said suddenly. She looked at him curiously. "I grew up with her, and her sister, too. Petunia." Elaine grimaced, remembering the woman she'd met a year prior. "We went to Hogwarts together, and I fell in love with her." Elaine watched him. "I don't love you because of who your mother was, Elaine, so don't think that. When I met you - I knew you were her daughter, but Albus swore me to secrecy. And I watched you grow up, and I realized that you may look like her - you look almost exactly like her - but you are your own person. Your own amazing, smart, beautiful, person, and so now I don't do it for your mother anymore. I do it for you."

"Severus-"

But he kept talking. "I know you aren't sure about us right now, Elaine, and quite frankly I don't blame you. But I - I love you, even though I thought after your mother's death I'd never love again. I know it's possible for you to love again. All I ask is that you give me a chance, because I don't know if either of us will last until the end of this."

Elaine silenced him with a kiss.

As July ended, Severus managed to find out - somehow, Elaine still didn't know how - that it was not Harry that had been hit with his curse, but George Weasley, who was now missing an ear, but was still alive, much to his relief.

It was the very last day of July that Severus warned Elaine of the dark lord's plans - the next day they would bring the war to the minister himself, and set Pius Thicknesse in his place. Pius - who had been put under the imperious curse. Elaine felt sorry for the man, but there was nothing she could do without revealing her position.

The dark lord hadn't requested her presence in the battle to take place, but he had requested Severus's. Elaine couldn't stomach waiting at the house for his return after yet another battle, so she'd owled Narcissa and requested tea at the time they were expected to arrive at the ministry. Narcissa accepted, and so Elaine found herself in the Malfoy manor once again.

Neither witch spoke of Benjamin and how he'd died - nor did they speak of their sons, for Draco had been avoiding his mother and Rowan was far, far away from his. They didn't speak of what was happening at that moment, and how it would change the war.

No, they didn't speak of any of that. They spoke of shops, and other witches, of moments taken in Hogwarts and first kisses and childhood.

They spoke of these things until the cracks signaled they had returned. They talked of meaningless things while the minister was killed, and the dark lord took over.

Not even a week later, it was announced in the papers that Severus would be the Hogwarts headmaster, and on that day, he came home and informed her they were going back to Hogwarts in three days time, and that the Carrow pair were coming with them.

"Alecto and Amycus? Why?" Elaine demanded from her place by the stove, the spatula frozen in her hand.

"We are short staff," Severus said through gritted teeth. "We have no defence professor, no potions professor, no muggle studies professor- not the way to start a new year."

"I could be the defense professor again-" Elaine began, but Severus shook his head. "Then how do you expect me to go back to Hogwarts with you? As your bed mate?"

"As my equal," he reassured her. "The dark lord has already allowed it." He paused, looking up from the parchment he was writing on. "Albus owled Horace Slughorn to take the potions spot if I should no longer be able to hold it."

"Horace?" Elaine recalled the pot-bellied man they'd fought and taken to a safe house. "Why Horace?"

"He's an outstanding potions master, and he owed Albus a favor." He wrote a few more words, then set the quill down. "He'd already agreed to a binding contact before Albus died, as well as not informing anyone it was death eaters that had abducted him last year. He's a good man, Horace, and he was Albus's good friend, so expect hostility at the very least."

Elaine nodded slowly, putting the eggs in separate dishes and bringing them to the table. She sat down next to Severus with a small sigh. "I expect hostility from all of them, honestly," she said softly. "They all liked me last year, but-"

"I'd assume that changed, considering you ran off with the headmaster's murderer."

"Yes. I'd assume so." They were silent for a good while. "Have you thought about - do you have a will?"

"I do." Severus eyed her. "Do you?"

"I - I did, after Rowan was born. I should update it, just in case." She looked at Severus directly in the eyes. "If you survive this and Chester and I and the other Davies boys don't - will you take him? Raise him, and tell him how good I was?"

"Of course I will," was his response.

This is obviously a filler to get through the summer, I didn't have a whole lot planned for it tbh. But next chapter they go back to Hogwarts and the real work begins!

I've already actually gotten the last half of this story written, along with bits and pieces along the way, so all I've got left is to connect them.