DISCLAIMER: All characters and story world belong to SM. All lyrical references and quotes are property of their original artist. No copyright infringement intended.

[Beta'd by: Project Team Beta, Bikechick3]
Special thanks to: Ocdmess

Last chapter I asked what one song reminds you of a specific friend.
My answer: The Cure – Hot Hot Hot.
Reminds me of my best friend of 11 years, SixX.

Chapter Playlist:
Evanescence – My Immortal
Evanescence – Lithium
Evanescence – Like You
The Cure – Pictures of You

http:/ /www[dot]youtube[dot]com/user/BeautifullySacred

Chapter 5
BPOV
Sunday December 11th, 2005

"Hello," he whispered softly.

How the hell did he find me? Never mind, dumb question, Bella, danger magnet and irresistible blood, remember?

"I…" I managed to say, but I was at a loss for words, or how to react. I scrambled to pull the covers over my legs and up my chest to my chin, as if in doing so he would disappear. Panicked, I scooted away from his corner, but he just shook his head gently.

"You talk in your sleep, you know," he said nonchalantly. A smirk quickly spread across his lips as he tilted his head.

"Why are you here?" I swallowed and tried to sound braver than I was feeling. "Did you follow me?"

"'Here' is not a very specific choice of words, and yes, I did follow you," he said calmly, still leaning against the wall in the corner, just barely out of the sunlight. "My turn; you seem to know… something and aren't acting very normal. Why is that?" He cocked his head to the other side and licked his lips, concealing his smile. I could make out the hint of a southern accent in his voice.

"I… I know what you are. I've known others before," my voice trembled. I studied his face more closely. It was chiseled with strong features and had a long jaw. His eyes glowed brightly, but I couldn't tell the exact hue from so far away.

He leaned away from the wall, but remained in the shadows. "Really? And what exactly am I?"

"A Vampire," I responded quickly, trying to hide any fear.

His mouth turned upwards into a grin as he took a step into the sunlight. Most of his body was covered in a dark leather coat and boots, but his hands and left cheek sparkled in the glint of the sun as he crossed the room towards me. His reddish-blonde hair caught in the sun, glowing in the orange, morning light, and I heard the faint thud of his boots on the wooden floor.

In three quick strides he was standing directly in front of my feet. I held my breath to keep from shuddering. I couldn't let him think that I was afraid, but I was still confused as to what he wanted. If he had wanted me out of thirst he would have acted while I had slept. But regardless, I've only ever been hurt by his kind, so I had valid reasons for my fear.

"You are most intriguing, Bella," he said my name slowly, letting the 'a' linger longer than necessary. He lowered himself into a squat and I noticed that there was a guitar strapped to his back as the neck of the instrument nearly touched the floor. He reached out with his left hand, his palm facing up as he smiled into my eyes. "I won't hurt you, I promise." He bowed his head slightly and let his hand rest in the air, as he waited for me to respond.

This could be a trick. Maybe he enjoys the thrill of gaining someone's trust first, my mind screamed at me. What do I have to lose though? I reached out slowly and rested my right hand in his frigid palm and pulled the blanket up with me as I rose to my feet.

"Thank you," I whispered softly as I released his cold hand and held my blanket closer to me.

"The pleasure is mine," he stated.

I searched his expression, but it was blank. We stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before his lips lifted into a casual smile and his eyes creased at the corners. He reminded me of Alice.

"So would you like an answer to your first question, or have you lost interest suddenly?" His smile grew into a smirk.

I tilted my head and furrowed my brows in confusion. Was he stalling for something? James had done this before – poking me, asking questions and instigating your curiosity before getting on with the task. Somehow I felt that Garrett was different, but I still wasn't going to let my guard down. It's not like I can run away, I thought to myself.

"You asked why I was here," he said.

I closed my mouth and nodded. Oh, right.

"Well, I am here in Forks because I followed your trail when the sun went down. However, when I got to what I'm guessing is your house, you weren't there. I knew that you had to have left recently because I could smell your trail, although I'm not the best of trackers," he added with a shrug of his shoulders. "However, the scent of other vampires caught my attention, so I decided to see where it led while I waited for you to return home, which led me here. Not to mention, the wet dog smell at your house was just repulsive," he chuckled as he scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"The — what?" I stuttered out in shock. Wet dog? I don't own a dog. Before I could even ask what he had meant, Garrett erupted in laughter.

"The things you focus on are amazing. You show more reaction about me smelling the wet dog, than why I followed you here, or who the other vampires are? You are one of a kind, Bella Swan." He continued to chuckle as he dug his hands into his black jean pockets.

"I know who the other vampires are, and I don't own a dog, so of course it caught my attention. But now that you bring it up, why did you follow me here?" I placed my hands on my hips, letting the blanket lay partially on the floor. I tilted my head to the side and quirked an eyebrow, determined to get some straight answers from this bizarre nomad before he decided to kill me.

"You know them then? Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, I did find you where their scent seems to be concentrated. Interesting," he mumbled as he contemplated something.

I tilted my head to the opposite side and let out an annoyed sigh, trying to recapture his attention. He chuckled and looked back at me, his grin reaching his eyes.

"Oh! Right. Well, you just took off at the music store. I enjoyed playing with you. It isn't often I come across a human girl who walks right up to me and begins singing." His smile seemed to brighten the entire room and he rocked back on his heels.

"Oh…"

"So, how did you know them?" Garrett asked, noticing my unease.

"I, uh… well I used to… be with one of them. They were like an extended family," I responded slowly as the anguish crept out of my chest, waking the painful memories once again.

"Really? Did they think you have some sort of talent and wanted to change you, or were you more like a pet?"

"As… a girlfriend… and sister of sorts." My voice cracked as I tried to not show my bitterness at his comments.

"But how did he not… forgive me, I've never heard of such a thing," he apologized, waving his hand in gesture for me to dismiss his rudeness.

"It's okay," I replied slowly, looking down at my feet. "He and his family didn't follow normal dietary habits. They considered themselves… vegetarians." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, yes, but the constant desire for human blood does not go away with time alone. It must have been difficult for them all to not…" he trailed off, letting out a sigh as he extended his hand to my chin. His frigid fingers touched my flesh and I shivered.

"I apologize. I can see this is difficult for you. I shouldn't pry," he said. "It's just that I find you most fascinating, Bella. You seem to have no instinct for self-preservation." His fingers lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him, and I noticed his eyes in the sunlight for the first time.

"Your eyes… they're different. Almost like theirs, but not as golden." I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. Did he follow a similar diet? Could he be a newborn who is trying to change his habits? What would cause his eyes to be that light jasper-stone color?

"Yes, I usually drink animal blood. Though, I sometimes drink the tastier stuff," he said through a chuckle. "I haven't killed a human in over one-hundred years though," he added.

"But, then how—"

"I sometimes hit up a blood bank or somewhere with easy access when I get a sweet tooth. It has to be carefully warmed, but the extra work is worth it on occasion." He was still smiling as my jaw dropped in shock.

Of course; a blood bank or hospital could be like a vampire McDonald's: fast food kept cold and reheated before consumption. I could hear the jokes Emmett would make. I cringed at the memory of them and curled my arms tightly around myself, dropping the blanket to the floor.

"I'm sorry, did I say something to upset you? It was not my intention," he said quickly, reaching out toward my left shoulder.

As his hand touched the cap of my arm, I could feel the extreme tenderness of the cuts beneath the thin fabric of my shirt. I flinched and pulled my arm away quickly and closed my eyes.

"My… apologies," he said, perturbed, "I sometimes forget my strength. It was not my intent to harm you."

"It wasn't your strength," I replied. I turned and looked back up at him with a shameful expression. "It's not your fault. I'm just very sensitive… to a lot of things…" my voice trailed off.

"Ah, well, we all have our dark secrets," he said, flashing a comforting smile. He lowered his glance to my shoulder and nodded before looking back in my eyes.

"I… how do you…" I stammered, embarrassed and confused.

"It's not that hard to smell a fresh wound, or feel the extreme heat that radiates near one. Did you think we just glitter and sip from tea cups?" He made a gesture with his right hand, pinching his thumb and index together as he raised his pinky, tilting an imaginary cup to his lips. The image made me chuckle quietly. Seeing me lighten up, he grinned and dropped the act. "How you kept things from them, however, is amazing," he added with a smirk.

"They didn't know… I never… not while they…" I mumbled as I turned my eyes downward to study the ground.

"Ah, so therein lies the secret. So, tell me of these 'vegetarians'." He adjusted the guitar strap so that the instrument was horizontal across his back, clasped his hands together in front of him as he crossed his legs at the ankle, and fell gracefully into a sitting position.

I turned my eyes to look out the window, avoiding his gaze as my heart pounded in my chest. I doubted that I had the strength to speak of them. It hurt enough just remembering their faces in my mind, but delaying the inevitable wouldn't make the pain stop any faster.

"They were a family—"

"A coven," he corrected me.

"No," I paused. "A family. Carlisle is the father, and a surgeon, and Esme is his wife. They have five 'foster' children. Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and…" I swallowed and took in a deep breath, "Edward."

"So they play as humans? Interesting. Why didn't I ever think of that?" he asked as he scratched idly at his chin.

"They go from place to place and relive the same life stories. Alice, Emmett and… Edward are siblings, fostered by their 'distant relatives', or 'family friends', Esme and Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Rosalie and Jasper pretend they are twins and foster kids as well. They start high school, and then go to college while Carlisle works nights in the local hospitals. On sunny days, they take 'hunting' or 'camping' trips as a family. Most humans don't seem to catch on, though, if they ever did, they would simply pack up and move somewhere else." My voice trembled each time that I said a name. I fixed my eyes on a tree across the small river outside the window and tried to steady my breathing and heart rate. I can do this.

"Is that why they left Forks then? You discovered what they are?" He shifted his weight slightly, but I didn't turn to look at him.

"No… I already knew for a few months, and they were fine with it. They took me in as part of their family," I said quietly, shaking my head. "No, they left because he… moved on." My hands squeezed my ribs tighter; because he doesn't want me.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but why did they leave, if he moved on? Why did they… spare you?" He reached his left hand out towards me, gesturing for me to take it and sit, but he didn't force contact this time.

I turned to look at his hand, slowly letting my gaze wander to his eyes. I sighed again, shaking my head. I'm sure he could see the sorrow that resided deep inside of me. "The Cullens simply don't believe in ever killing humans. They think humanity is precious and refuse to take a life, especially Carlisle. They probably would have refused to turn me as well if I had asked."

"But it is one of our only laws, that we cannot reveal our secret to the living. Leaving you alive would be dangerous for them. If you let what you know slip…" he trailed off, thinking to himself now.

"Does this mean you plan to kill me, then?" I turned my head and stared at him directly. He paused and blinked twice before he opened his mouth to respond.

"No. It was not I who told you what we are, so it will not be my punishment. Aro will see this conversation the moment he touches either of us. He has the talent to read your thoughts through touch; every thought you have ever had, or spoken."

"He has a similar talent, but it doesn't work on me."

"Edward, really? Another telepath; how interesting."

"Except he doesn't need touch. He can hear anyone from over a mile away. I'm told it's very annoying…"

"I can only imagine," he chuckled.

"Do you have a talent?" I crossed my ankles and placed my palms down as I lowered myself to the floor. I stared into his eyes and noticed that he shifted uncomfortably. He does. My mind clicked into overdrive.

"I do, though most are intimidated by it," he responded. He took a deep sigh before he looked back up at me. A smile extended across his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"To understand it better, my human life should be explained. I was twenty-three years old during the peak of the American Revolution. I often wrote and delivered the propaganda and speeches," he said as his smile grew more sentimental. "I was good at influencing people, but where I really flourished was helping people to decide things. For example: should I join the war, or should we attack from the West with full force, or should I keep the General's secret. People always have to make decisions, and I was always there to help persuade them. While I would often use it for my own benefit, it came from the ability to see the situations from all angles, and make the best decision."

He took a deep breath and turned his head to look out the window. His smile faded as his eyes held an unfocused gaze at something in the far distance.

"When I was changed, it developed into the ability to see peoples' choices and guide them in whichever direction I chose," he admitted, moving his focus to his hands.

"So you influence decisions," I said, perhaps over-simplifying the situation. Then, the full capability of his talent hit me and I flew up, jumping to my feet. He can control people. My heart thudded wildly in my chest. Does this mean he can make me do things, like cry, or run, or kill? Panic flooded my system and I looked at him with wide eyes. I noticed he hadn't moved at all except for closing his rusty orange orbs. The smile was no longer spread across his face and he seemed bothered by something. The braver side of me reached forward as I leaned onto my knees.

"Can you influence my decisions?" I said slowly, controlling the tone of my voice.

"Yes… and no," he replied quietly. His head turned towards me and he took a breath as he opened his eyes. "I find you incredibly frustrating. I can't always sense your options until just before you make your decision. Sometimes I can't sense them at all, and even when I can, they are incredibly hard to change," he admitted as he stared directly into my eyes with a confused look.

"When have you changed my decision against my will?"

"Just twice, both were at the music store. Once was when you first approached me, trying to decide if you should sing. The second time was when you shared your poetry during my second song," he answered without looking away. I realized he was trying to be blatantly honest with me.

"When else have you tried, or not been able to see the choices?" I asked.

"All of today, for example. I can barely even sense your choices before you decide. Yesterday I could sense them, but I couldn't change them," a gentle smile formed across his lips. "Especially when you ran away."

"Oh," I said. I felt slightly embarrassed.

"You are very unique, Bella. I've never had a core so difficult to sense before."

I looked at him quickly with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean, core?"

"I sense people by their 'essence' or 'core' or 'being'; whatever you chose to view it as. Everyone's core being is different and it is there that I sense their decisions and internal struggles. Yours," he waved his hand, gesturing toward my chest, "is very dim and difficult to sense most of the time. It's almost like you are so certain of your decisions, of who you are and of your options, that there is very little struggle inside of you."

A laugh escaped my lips and I rushed my hand to cover my mouth. "I'm sorry, I just find that ironic. I'm always struggling over if I can or can't do something, always feeling so weak and fragile. I may be stubborn, but I'm not 'sure of myself'," I said, stifling another laugh.

"Well, perhaps it is some gift granted to you for protection then," he said with a smile and stood. He outstretched his hand to me in chivalrous manner and I contemplated asking him more, but decided that it might be more taxing on my emotions than I was prepared to handle at that moment. I realized that I had just made a decision and my eyes flew up to him as I searched for any sign that he saw it. His lips were curled upward in a grin as he shrugged his shoulders, nonchalantly.

Damn, this is going to take some getting used to.

./.

The day after Garrett followed me to Forks, Jacob came to my house in the middle of the night. He even crawled through my freaking window, almost scaring me to death.

"What the hell are you doing, Jake?" I gasped, startled.

He tried to shush me. "Quiet, Bells. I'm just here to talk."

"What do you have to talk about that can't wait until normal visiting hours?"

"Look, Bells, you can't go out into the forest, or even leave the house. I can't really explain this right now, but please just trust me," he pleaded.

"What? Why not? I'm going to need more of a reason than 'just trust me' from some boy climbing in my window, Jake. I know we used to play as kids, but I barely know you. Trust isn't something you are born with, it's something you earn." I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for him to elaborate.

"It's just not safe right now. I'm only looking out for you."

"Not safe for me? Such sound advice coming from a boy who is climbing in people's windows. You sound just like…" I stopped, abruptly.

It all clicked. How could I be so stupid? Obviously if one supernatural creature existed, then they both were real. The story of the Cold Ones and the legends of the tribe echoed in my mind. Each little piece fell into place, and I gasped.

"Look, Jake. You're a good guy. I know my father is really fond of you, but you can't crawl in my window and tell me what I can or cannot do. I'm eighteen. Charlie doesn't even have that kind of control over my life anymore. If this is about Garrett, I can assure you he isn't a dangerous vampire; he leads the same kind of life the Cullens lead. So you can stop worrying, and go back to pissing in your own territory." I stared at him intently, verbally putting my foot down. Jake's mouth was dangerously close to unhinging itself as he blinked rapidly, speechless.

"How do you know, Bella?" he asked slowly, still stunned.

"How do I know what, Jake? That he is a vampire, or that he isn't dangerous?"

"Both."

"You told me about the Cullens being vampires. I've known what they were, and I know Garrett isn't dangerous because he doesn't drink from humans either. The Cullens' choices aren't so weird, Jake," I explained. He had been the one who told me, so why was he confused that I knew so much?

"So, you know what I am, then?" He looked down at his feet. I could have sworn that he blushed, but it was too dark to be certain.

"If you're part of the legends, then sure, you're a wolf. I'm guessing just like vampires have covens, you have a pack?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah… we do. But I still wish you wouldn't go near Garrett. He isn't part of the same treaty, and we have the right to destroy him if we cross paths."

"What are you talking about? What treaty?" I asked, confused.

"Well, the last time the Cullens lived here, they made a treaty with my grandfather. They would never bite or kill a human, or cross onto our territory, and we would never expose what they were or kill them. But Garrett isn't a part of that treaty just because he doesn't drink from humans," he explained. He was shifting back and forth from foot to foot. I could tell he was nervous.

"Well then, make a new treaty with Garrett. I'm sure he would agree to the terms. He is my friend, Jake, and I won't stop being friends just because some stupid wolf pack thinks they can control my life," I replied angrily. I think that it shocked him that I spoke so plainly of what they were. For the second time in less than five minutes, his jaw dropped.

"But Bella—"

"No, Jake. You listen to me. I don't care about a stupid treaty. Can't you just ask your father to drop this nonsense? This is stupid; it's not like a war."

"My father isn't in charge of the treaties amongst vampires and wolves, Bells," he said quietly. He seemed pained over this tidbit of information.

"Then who is? I'll talk to them," I said confidently as I climbed out of bed. Jake shifted his weight nervously and looked out the window. He let out a sigh and looked back at me.

"Sam is. He is Alpha of the pack."

"Sam Uley? That giant kid that found me?" I was a little shocked. He had no ties to the Elders of the reservation that I had ever heard of. What made him in charge?

"Yeah. He was the first to change, so he is Alpha. The rest of us have to obey his orders, and that includes the reservation and its Elders," he said as he glanced back out the window again.

I took a step towards Jake and looked more directly out the window. I could see a few moving shadows by the edge of the woods across the street. They put him up to this. I grabbed my coat and turned on my heel. I could hear Jake protest behind me, asking me to stop, but I ignored his pleas. I headed down the stairs and walked straight out the front door, marching across the street, right up to Sam Uley and three other boys I didn't recognize.

"You listen to me," I said firmly, balling my fists up. "Garrett is my friend, and I trust him," I exclaimed.

"Trust him like you trusted that Cullen kid?" the shorter one on Sam's left said. I glared at him, not letting him see the pain such a simple comment caused.

"Bella, I know you think he is your friend, but he is what he is, and none of them can be trusted. Don't you think you have been hurt enough? We are only trying to protect you," Sam said calmly.

"How are they any worse than you? You seek to kill them when they have done nothing wrong! How does that make you any better?"

"They are killers, Bella. Their kind is naturally drawn to taking human life. We are here to protect the humans, not harm them," Sam said.

"Besides, why would you want to be friends with more bloodsuckers when the first ones abandoned you without thinking twice about it?" the short one said. Sam told him to shut up, but he just kept going. All I could feel was the pain and anger as it rose from my chest. I unclenched my fist and brought my hand across the boy's face, hard. A loud, wet pop rang out in the night as I tried to steady myself. My hand stung from the contact, and my body shook with anger.

"Paul, don't!" Sam yelled, but he didn't move to do anything. The boy I slapped was shaking violently, taking ragged breaths through his gritted teeth as he glared at me with such anger. I took a few quick steps back and stared, wide eyed. A ripping noise pierced my ears as his flesh mangled and changed into fur before my eyes. Standing before me was a massive tan and chocolate colored wolf, with pitch black eyes.

More ripping and snarling sounds came from beside me as Jake shape-shifted and attacked Paul. The two of them went tumbling down the slight ditch beside the road and into the cover of trees. They continued the fight in the forest; the faint snarls and growls grew quieter as they went further in. How are they any safer than a vampire? I could have been shredded to pieces. I shook my head and looked back up at Sam who clearly mirrored my thoughts.

"Sorry you had to see that, Bella. Paul is still having trouble controlling his anger. He had no right to say those things, but you really shouldn't have slapped him," Sam explained. The two boys on either side of Sam both snickered and exchanged glances. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes, but a smile gave away that he wasn't truly angry.

"I can see that you aren't going to drop this mess, but I'm having a hard time accepting this other vampire so easily. I hope you can understand that. The Cullens were more like a family than a coven, and the Blacks believed that they wouldn't drink from humans. I can't be so sure about this Garrett." Sam shifted his feet and sighed.

"You think of me as one of the Cullens, right? They thought of me as part of their family, so that makes me family, right?"

"I guess. Why?"

"Well, then I extend my family to Garrett. He is like a brother to me. I'd be lost without him," I explained.

Sam sighed and nodded his head. "I understand, Bella. Alright, fine. But he stays at the Cullens' place. No going into town. No coming onto our territory, and no drinking from humans. Make sure he understands the rules, or we will have the right to destroy him."

I agreed to the terms, said my thanks, and walked back inside. My dreams were filled with wolves and vampires and boys all arguing until I screamed stop, waking myself up. I couldn't get back to sleep, and it was five in the morning. I packed my bag for school, wrote a note to Charlie, and left to visit Garrett for a short while before I had to be at class.

I told Garrett of the Quileute tribe and the Cullens' treaty. I explained that by me being considered part of the Cullen's family that I then extended the treaty to him if I embraced him as my family. It was the only way Sam would agree, but I think that it shocked him more than Sam or even Jake. Garrett seemed touched that I would defend him so quickly. I shrugged it off, and told him I would visit later.

./.

That weekend, I went to the Cullens' house to visit Garrett again instead of going to the winter dance. He taught me to play the piano and guitar. He knew the guitar better, but I seemed to pick up the keys faster than the strings.

The day after Christmas, I had gone to see him really early in the morning. I told him I couldn't sleep and he tried to play some soft music on the guitar to relax me, but it only reminded me of my Lullaby. That morning I told him about our relationship, and how he had composed a lullaby for me. When Garrett asked me to hum it for him, it caught me off guard. I sat contemplating if I really wanted to share that part of me. I knew Garrett could sense my decision wavering, but he sat and waited with me patiently. After a few moments of silence I decided to do it and hummed the lullaby for him that I knew so well. Once I finished the song, I wrapped my arms tighter around myself and wasn't able to feel my fingers anymore due to gripping so hard.

Garrett reached for his guitar and positioned it on his lap as he reached across to me to lift my chin to look him in the eyes. "Sing whatever comes to your heart. You don't have to fill every space, just the words that fit. Only the words that fit and nothing else," he told me.

With that, he took his hand away from my face and strummed the guitar, matching the exact melody of my lullaby on his acoustic. The sound was slightly different, but the pitch and the rhythm matched note for note. I stared at him, amazed for a brief moment before he nodded his head at me with a smile, encouraging me to sing.

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears," I sang so quietly that I could barely hear myself. My body trembled violently as I let the sorrow of my memories fill my mind, pulling the words from the depth of my pain.

"And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone."

Garrett continued to play, though I sang no more words until a third of the way through the song. I simply sat in silence as I rocked myself gently back and forth, with the images of him in my mind as he turned and left me in the forest. I watched him leave me over and over again.

I opened my mouth and a gentle sigh escaped before I sang again.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me."

My tears fell from my eyes as I felt the hollow part of my chest ache with longing. I was forever terrified to fall asleep because I knew that he would be in my dreams, and that he would disappear when the sun would undoubtedly rise the next day.

Garrett watched me as his fingers moved over the frets, filling the empty house with the echo of the lullaby. As the song reached the crescendo, I shook stronger than before. I was so angry inside that he could simply change his mind and leave me. Didn't he know how much I loved him, or how much he destroyed me? No matter how many times that I told myself he didn't want me, I knew that I would always want him. He had a piece of me that I could never get back and that I would never want to own again. It belonged to him, whether he returned the feelings or not.

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along," my voice cried out, and as I reached the end of my breath I gasped and trembled as I rolled over onto my side to the floor.

Garrett had set his guitar on the floor and knelt at my side while he stroked my hair. He never said anything to me when I became so emotional. It's like he knew that I just needed to get it out and feel it and deal with it. As much as I had wanted to numb the burning inside my heart, I knew that nothing would ever make it go away permanently.

I continued to visit Garrett during the afternoons while Charlie was at work, or fished, and always returned during sundown to prepare Charlie's dinner. The few days that I didn't go were the days that the burning pain was just so strong inside me that I didn't get out of bed. I screamed into my pillow, choking on my own tears and panicked gasps. These were also the days that I would cut, and I didn't want to tempt Garrett by being around him when I had fresh wounds.

I wrote so many songs about the pain of being alone, or the feeling the cutting brought. When I visited Garrett, I shared the new lyrics with him and he would compose the music to match the rhythm in my head. As I got better at the piano, he composed a secondary instrumental track that I played to accompany the guitar. With practice, I learned to play as I sang, though it was only with simple melodies. I only played slightly more complicated pieces if I didn't sing at the same time and the notes were repetitive.

Our favorite songs were all written in the same twenty-four hours. I had lied to Charlie and told him that I was staying with Angela for a few days before New Year's. I had stayed the entire night at the Cullens' house with Garrett, his guitar, and the grand piano. That night we wrote and composed three songs. The first dealt with my habit of cutting. I had never meant to share my secret with anyone, but Garrett didn't push me to share and I loved that about him.

He was playing around with a few power chords and transitions that night and I tried to match the tempo on the piano. That was how he first taught me the scale, and different combinations and variations of simple composing.

I hummed the vocal harmony of the song, until the second pass. My desperation to hide the real purpose behind the words was pathetic, but I rationalized it by thinking that it added to the poetic nature of the song. I sang of lithium and my addiction to the numbness it brought me.

"Here in the darkness I know myself, Can't break free until I let it go, let me go!" My fingers crashed down heavier on the simple keys as I played. When the song ended, Garrett sat there with a solemn expression.

I hadn't moved from the bench when the next song started to pour through my fingertips. I moved my hands slowly over the keys and kept the rhythm simplistic as I sang. Half way into the first verse, Garrett joined me with a lush guitar backing, and it sounded like he had doused the melody in a vat of remorse and sorrow.

"I hate me for breathing without you. I don't want to feel any more for you," my voice declared with sadness. The amount of stabbing pain that built up in my chest was unbelievable.

"Grieving for you, I'm not grieving for you. Nothing real love can't undo," my voice trailed off as I pushed into the chorus. The song filled with hurt and longing as it continued, and even reached a painful anger towards the end before I played the simplistic keys on the piano again.

When I had finally fallen asleep, Garrett had left to hunt up near the Canadian border. I knew he was nothing like Jasper, but I also knew that my emotions must be hard on him in some ways. He always grew quiet after a song had finished and became detached. He still hadn't told me much of his past experiences in his two-hundred-thirty years as a vampire.

When I woke, I realized how much better I felt. I didn't have any dreams or nightmares of any kind for the first time in a long time. I was even thinking more uplifting thoughts as I wandered downstairs to the kitchen where my stash of cereal, milk, and Pop Tarts were. I poured myself a bowl of sugary carbohydrates, and took a seat on the bar stool.

I felt the air shift as a cold chill passed through the room. I turned and looked over at the door and saw Garrett leaning against the wall. He smelled of wood and smoke and I wondered what I smelled like to a vampire. I was still staring at him as I blinked rapidly. I shifted my gaze back to my bowl of cereal.

"Is something on your mind, Bella?" Hearing my name caused chills to run up my spine.

"Just thinking random thoughts, sorry." I shook my head as if it would clear the thoughts.

He chuckled. "Whatever it is, you don't have to hide it from me."

"I know. It's stupid anyway. I don't know where my mind comes up with some of my thoughts."

"I find your mind incredibly intriguing. In my two and a half centuries of being on this planet, I haven't found anyone as interesting as you." He smiled as he took a step toward me at the bar.

"I… I was just wondering what I smell like to your kind. I noticed you all have very specific scents and I just find myself curious."

"Freesias, lavender, and a hint of strawberries," he said through a grin as he moved closer to me.

"Oh… uh… okay," I mumbled and bit my lip.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" I asked, confused.

"What do I smell like to you, little human?" He teased me playfully as he pulled a stool out and sat down. He rested his elbows on the counter top and studied me.

"Oh, uh, a strange type of smoke and some kind of wood."

"Interesting, I've been told that before," he said casually as he looked at my cereal bowl.

"Oh," I said, blushing. "Why do you think we smell the way we do? It can't be blood, because you don't have any of your own."

"I think it has to do with our cores. It's the part that makes us who we are inside. Our cores dictate our behavior, our emotions, reactions, methods, habits, memories, tastes and smells. However, the strawberry is an additive because of your choice in beauty products," he said with a grin as he poked at my cereal bowl, watching the milk as it splashed from side to side.

"Oh," I blushed and looked down. I took a few more bites before I pushed it a few inches away. "So your core is smoke and wood?"

He chuckled before looking at me to respond. "Yes, well, I've been told I smell of clove and cedar before. Though I've always smoked cloves and carried a guitar, so I thought nothing of it for years. It wasn't until around the nineteen-hundreds that I started wondering about souls, cores, and essences that I began with my theories."

"Ah, yeah that makes sense— the clove and cedar I mean. Why would you smell so much stronger of clove now, than before though?"

"Well, because I was just outside smoking a clove, Bella. I smell just like any other smoker, I would assume," he said in a matter of fact tone.

"What? But vampires can't smoke." I chuckled. He must be toying with me again, I thought to myself.

"Says who?" He laughed and shook his head. "Of course we can, Bella. We can breathe, therefore we can smoke. However, unlike humans, it does nothing to our mind receptors, or our lungs. I smoke simply out of habit and choice, and like the Cullens, because it serves as a way to help me blend in more effectively while out in public."

It never would have occurred to me that a vampire could smoke if Garrett hadn't brought it up, though I couldn't disagree with his logic. It simply wasn't something that I ever would have thought about.

I sat at the bar in the kitchen for a few more minutes and thought about other things that vampires must be able to do without any consequences. Somehow, I managed to let my mind to wander to him and his comment to me about distractions.

I was startled from my daze suddenly as the scraping of the bar stool on the tile floor filled my ears. I looked up to see Garrett as he held his hand out to me, offering his assistance in helping me down. I took his hand, but stared at the ground, not wanting him to see the hurt in my eyes.

As we walked into the entry room with the grand piano, I stopped and stared. My eyes shifted from the stairs to the wall where the vase and table once sat before my body crashed into them, creating a massive mess of blood and glass. I shut my eyes tightly in hopes of blocking the memory, but more images flooded my mind, like him kissing the top of my head as Alice took our photograph on my birthday. A soft moan escaped my lips as I held onto my sides tightly and shuddered.

Garrett's hand touched my shoulder gently as I opened my eyes to look up at him. His bright smile reminded me of Emmett and Jasper as they picked on their youngest brother. The happy memories of the entire Cullen family fluttered through my mind as I felt myself let out another deep sigh. A feeling of contentment was present in my chest as I smiled back at Garrett.

"Do you want to try getting it out? Playing it on the piano?" he asked.

I shook my head and focused on the foreign feelings that ran through my body. "It's more of a guitar song, really and a bit more upbeat than I think I'm capable of," I admitted and looked down at my hands.

He reached around and pulled on the neck of the guitar, spinning the strap around so the acoustic rested against his abdomen. He smiled casually with his hint of charm as I watched a crease form at the corners of his eyes.

"Just say the words out loud. Find a rhythm with your body, and let everything else flow," he said, instructing me.

"Alright," I managed to say through a gulp. I crossed my feet at my ankles, lowered myself to the floor and rested my back against the wall. I watched as Garrett mimicked my actions, sitting across from me as he leaned into the guitar on his lap.

I rocked my shoulders and torso forward and backward slowly as I recalled the words in my mind. They danced around my mind while I tried to remember when they had first come to me. After a few moments, I remembered that it was ever since I saw Garrett the first time less than a month ago. He reminded me so much of him. It was his gaze, and how he seemed to look right into me and still managed to smile at the mess he saw inside. He used to smile like that.

The fact that they both shared a similar lifestyle was also a key ingredient in the sudden shift in my memories. I didn't feel drawn to Garrett the same way though, and I knew deep down why that was; I could never love anyone the same way that I loved him. I took another breath and swallowed my fears. A dull ache from deep inside pressured me to just spit the words out. I closed my eyes and brought his face into my mind.

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real." I raised my right hand to my face, as my fingers traced the outsides of my right eye. I gently pressed them tighter into the hollow of my eyelids and dragged outwards to my temple. Slowly, my lips formed a gentle smile.

I sang the next line and it was nearly identical to the first. I tapped my left hand against my thigh as I found a rhythm. As I took another breath, preparing myself for the next line, Garrett strummed the chords of his guitar quietly. The notes were very light and felt so free, but reminiscent.

"And we kissed as the sky fell in, holding you close, how I always held close in your fear." Surprisingly, my smile lingered on my face as I brought forth more images from my memories of him and me during our happiest times. His smile could always take my breath away. I hadn't let myself think of those memories in over three months, but somehow I had found the courage today.

My voice sang louder with each new line while Garrett mimicked the change, growing louder as well and added more flourishes to each chord. His musical abilities were amazing, and I envied his remarkable talent to play so effortlessly.

My hands reached down and clutched at the knees of my jeans as I gained confidence in my words.

"And I screamed at the make-believe, screamed at the sky, and you finally found all your courage to let it all go," my voice rang out louder than ever before. I continued to carry on through the melody without breaking until near the end. The images were slowly shifting from happy memories of us, to the painful memories of when I was alone in the woods. I could hear Garrett as he shifted into something louder and I wrapped my arms forcefully around myself.

"If only I'd thought of the right words, I could have held onto your heart," I gasped and stuttered out the last few words in agony. "If only I'd thought of the right words, I wouldn't be breaking apart all my pictures of you." I was physically trembling as my eyes shut so tightly that I could feel the creases on my forehead.

"Dudoot dudoot dudoot dudoot doot doot," Garrett whispered softly and played a slow descent from the crescendo into a rhythm that matched the previous verses. His palm slapped against the acoustic gently making a hollow thud between each repetition of the chord. I could feel his eyes on me, but I still didn't dare open mine. I repeated a similar version to the first verse very quietly as I tried to steady my breathing. I could feel a sob deep inside of my chest, but I hugged tighter at my sides in hopes of keeping it at bay.

"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more, than to never feel the breaking apart all my pictures of you," I sang, as my sorrow lingered on the line. I dropped my head lower, and began rocking back and forth as Garrett continued the melody into a simple repetition before it faded out. A few seconds of complete silence hung over the barren room.

"That was wonderful, Bella. You have such an incredible talent with words," he said, breaking the silence. "However, I think I just found another reason to avoid ever drinking your blood," he added.

My eyes darted open and I looked up. "Wh-What?"

He chuckled as he shook his head slowly. "I'm afraid that if I ever drink your blood that sorrow of yours will seep into my mind and I'll never be happy again," he said with a bright smile.

"Ha-Ha. Gee, thanks. Make fun of the emo kid," I said bitterly as I turned to the side to avoid his taunting.

"It's a joke, Bella. Your lyrics are very powerful," he said with less sarcasm. "I'm beginning to see the damage this Cullen boy did to you," he added. I felt his eyes as they searched my face, but I refused to turn and face him.

Boy? A simple boy couldn't crush me entirely like he had. He was truly my everything; He is my everything. Even though I knew in my heart that he would never want me, my heart would always be his. No one could ever fill that void in my chest. Nothing but death could ever put a stop to the ache. I remembered how much I used to beg for eternity, but eternity would be the equivalent of hell to me now. I was thankful that he never turned me, now that I could see how quickly he would have gotten bored of me. I quickly turned back and faced Garrett.

"Promise me something," I said quickly with a serious expression. I searched his face for any kind of agreement, but found confusion instead. "Please, promise me one thing," I said again with more of a pleading tone.

"Alright," he said skeptically. "What is it I'm promising?"

"Promise me, if you ever lose control and decide to drink from me," I paused and tried to find the right words, "promise you will finish me, and not let me become like you." My head lifted to fully meet his gaze. His expression still showed little of his thoughts to me.

"Alright, Bella, I promise if I ever slip up, I will finish the job. But," he paused and scooted closer towards me, "why, may I ask?"

"Because… I…" I let out deep sigh and looked away as I bit my lower lip. "I don't want to spend eternity knowing I'm not wanted. A lifetime is already more than I think that I can bear." My arm immediately wrapped around my torso.

I can't hold myself together forever; I can barely hold myself together now.

Song question for the chapter: What one song ALWAYS makes you smile, and want to dance?