Chapter Twenty Three

Days blended together. Severus was busy trying to keep up with being headmaster and preventing the Carrow siblings from going overboard with their detentions and punishments, and so she spent much of her time in the staff room, hoping that perhaps one of the other professors would speak to her again, but she had no such luck.

There was an event the first day of classes which sent the school into turmoil - the ministry of magic was broken into, and, rumor had it, Harry Potter himself was there.

The news hit Elaine like a hammer until she heard that he'd made it out safely. She'd very nearly sunk to her knees in the middle of the hallway with relief, but she didn't dare. She'd gone immediately to Severus, who was too busy to see her. And so she'd found herself wandering the castle, trying not to lose herself in her thoughts.

Students avoided her. Elaine didn't blame them, of course, as far as they knew she was one of the death eaters. She tried not to let it get to her too much; she knew what she was doing was right, if a tad in the gray area.

She'd made it to the seventh floor and was standing outside the come and go room - something she'd found in her third year and asked one of the house elves about - when Neville Longbottom came around the corner and paled upon seeing her.

"Professor Davies," he stuttered. She just looked at him, and he turned on his heel and left. Elaine watched him go, his shoulders slumped slightly. It was obvious he was up to something, but as she was no longer his professor, it was none of her concern. Although she reminded herself to tell Severus about the encounter later; maybe he could explain it.

But she turned and left, passing Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley as she went. She bid them both good afternoon, but neither responded other than the Weasley girl shooting her a glare. It was then she remembered she and Harry had dates the previous year, probably still dated, in fact: they'd been inseparable, almost as if she'd always been there.

Elaine wished she could rewind, but even as that thought crossed her mind, she knew she wouldn't have changed anything, not in regards to Severus. It was funny how he'd come to mean so much to her in little more than a year, half of which they'd not spoken. If it weren't for the war they would never have gotten together, and she was sure that if they had, they wouldn't have lasted. It was their shared experience that made them do well together, even if most of it was in bed.

She loved him, of course, but as she walked the halls of Hogwarts, she wondered what her life would be like right then if she didn't.

It was maybe a month into the school year when the alarms went off for Severus's office while the two of them were eating a late dinner together. They exchanged a glance and took off, arriving at the headmaster's office as a group of three were leaving, pale and sweaty. They spotted Severus and Elaine and froze, a - was that a sword? - in between them.

"And what," Severus said calmly, "did the three of you think you were going to do with that?"

"It belongs to Harry," Neville said defiantly, staring Severus straight in the eyes - something Elaine was sure the boy had never done before. "It doesn't belong to you."

"It belongs," Severus said, his dark eyes flashing, "to the school, and the minister quite agrees with that assessment. You will had it here." Neville looked at the two girls, and after a long moment during which Elaine waited with bated breath, he passed the sword to Severus. "Detention for the three of you," Severus said, turning away.

"Wi-with who?" Neville stuttered.

Severus paused. "Hagrid," he said calmly, before walking away. Elaine followed, willing herself not to look back at the trio standing still.

Elaine knew about the Carrows, of course. Both she and Severus did. Their use of the cruciatus was not a well kept secret, and in fact was not meant to be a secret at all. Severus was trying to prevent it as much as he could, but there was only so much that he could do without raising suspicion.

When they were a fair distance away, Elaine cast a privacy charm and turned to her lover. "Why on earth is that sword so important?"

And he told her. About the Horcruxes and what that meant. About Harry - Harry had to die in order for the dark lord to be defeated. When he was done, Elaine could only look at him, her chest tight. "And you knew this?" she asked, her voice cracking. Severus gave her a brief nod, and she let out a small scoff. "You knew my brother had to die? And you - and Dumbledore - the both of you - kept this from me?"

"I had to," Severus told her firmly. "Harry has to - there's no other option. I wish to Merlin there was another choice but there is not."

"And when were you going to tell me?" Elaine looked directly into Severus's eyes, and saw the truth there. "You weren't. If they hadn't tried to steal the sword - you wouldn't have said a word." She scoffed again, leaning against the wall. "I trusted you, I went with you - but maybe I shouldn't have. I should have stayed with my family." She spat out, whirling around and ignoring Severus's call for her to come back.

Later, Elaine marvalled on how often she and Severus had fought over the past year. She thought that, maybe in total, they got along about half the time they'd known each other. It was true that she loved him, even after finding out he'd lied she loved him - but she now doubted him. And as the weeks passed and the silence between them remained, Elaine felt herself drifting away from even her own self.

She had nothing left. Her brother was on the run, her son was Merlin knows where, and her lover -

But she kept going. She kept trying to speak with Minerva when they were alone together - which was rare. Slughorn, the new potions master, was more likely to speak with her but even he didn't trust her, which was fair. She wondered what he would think if he ever realized it was she and Severus who had "abducted" him and taken him to Dumbledore and safety. Not that she'd ever tell him, of course, that would endanger her and Severus.

In fact, Elaine was so preoccupied that it was the first of December before she realized her period had never come the month prior, and she was never even a day late except when she'd been pregnant with Rowan.

"Fuck."