This was a difficult chapter for me to write
so it's a little shorted the usual
I never like writing about grief.
Enjoy and rate
xoxo
"We can't continue to do anything until you two go get some water." I rolled my eyes. After yesterday's little stunt I didn't want to go anywhere with that idiot. "I don't understand why we both have to go; it's not life or death." I mumbled crossing my hands over my chest. I held the scroll that sealed 12 water canteens in it. Kakashi had said the closes source of water was about an hour hike east. "I said just GO!" I flinched when he yelled. "Fine, just stay out of my way." My heart thumped in my chest when he spoke. I pushed past him and over to the ledge. "Screw you, Brat." I muttered before running off the ledge free falling. It was the quickest way to the bottom.
"Give me the book Suiren." I pulled the sketch book to my chest. I wasn't in the mood for sharing; I wasn't in a good frame of mind for anything at the moment. "Stop being a loser." He caught me off guard with the loser thing and snatched the book out of my hands. I couldn't help but growl a bit. Reaching back for it, both hands on the book I pulled. "Just give it back. Im not in the mood for you Sasuke." His eyes hardened and usually I was careful to notice these things but today was not the day. He pulled his end a bit harder but I wasn't letting go.
I had reached the bottom a few minutes before he had. When he landed he didn't even give me a look and I was totally fine with that. We started to head east. My lungs instantly expanded breathing in the oxygen that was no longer dry and thin. I started to pick up the pace, an hour my ass I could get there quicker. We silently ran side by side but just sensing his chakra put me on edge. I really just wanted to punch him. Punch anything, my brain was like raging fire and I just wanted to burn something. My chakra was erratic and I wasn't in the state of mind to control it.
It seemed with both decided to pull the thing at the same time and my book dropped to the ground. With it, a cool breeze flipped open the book and took some of the loose pages before my very eyes. As quick as I had trained myself to be I was only able to scope up the sketch book, and forced to watch some of my drawings engulfed in the flames of our fire. "I –." I had it up to here with the kid I really did. "Just leave me alone. I don't care that you're an Uchiha, I don't care that every girl wants you. I don't care. You're just a selfish brat underneath it all. Just leave me alone!"
The stream was farther then I had anticipated. We got there without any trouble. I pulled the scroll out of my pouch and got all of the canteens out of it. The stream was small in width but deep and seemed to be going downhill. There was no place were the land and water met. When we walked to the edge of the stream it dipped straight down. There didn't seem to be much life in the clear water, it looked more like a quarry then a stream. The sun was starting to beam and I was getting more agitated with the passing time, all time I could have been training but instead I was stuck with this idiot who could have gotten the water himself while I trained and gotten back in time for his training. The clouds in the sky were almost nonexistent. The blue travelled endlessly. The only relief to the heat was a gentle wind that hit my sweaty face now and then. I looked up at the next one and let it hit my face full on. In it I could smell the water and it reminded me of home. Of getting a big pot of water from outside so my uncle could start his special ramen.
"Are you done yet?" The bittersweet memory was gone. "Fuck off." Brat. He just sat there doing nothing, always thinking things would just be handed to him. "What's your problem?" I bit down on the inside of my cheek, hard when he bent down next to me and finally started to fill up canteens. I stopped what I was doing and sat back on my butt. My head was pounding and my heart was aching. I wasn't in the mood for any of this. Maybe if it was another day, maybe if it wasn't his birthday I'd be more incline to put Sasuke's unruliness behind me like I usually did. I just couldn't come face to face with the fact I probably would never see him again. Couldn't come to the fact that the last memory I have was running away from him. "It was an accident what more do you want from me." I tried to push the thoughts back and continue to do what I was supposed to do. "I don't want anything from you." My voice was strained. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to sleep the day away. Tomorrow was another day.
We had just finished filling up everything and I turned too looked for the scroll I was sure was behind me. Of course I was stepping on the edge of it. I sighed taking a step back to – well damn. The water was cool on contact as I stumbled in. I stood up in the stream, the water reaching to about my neck. Was he laughing at me? I sunk down a bit and blew bubbles from out of my nose; I was surprised the water wasn't turning to steam at my aggravation. My eyes flashed red and I flickered behind him giving him a good shove, he was quick to grab my wrist and pull me back in with him. I sat at the bottom for a second enjoying the moment of serenity. The sun broke through the clarity of the water with ease causing beams of light that reminded me almost of chakra itself. I pushed myself back to resurface. I took in a mouthful of air before splashing the brat beside me.
He looked at me, a frown across his face, "Ready to talk?" I rolled my eyes and swam to the edge to haul myself out. Before I could get all the way up I felt a hand around my ankle and I was pulled back in. I was caught off guard and water went up my nose. When I broke the surface I splashed him in the face over and over again till I had my fill. "Done?" I turned around. I didn't even want to look at him. "Tell me." I felt his chakra close to me and I turned and pushed him back "Just back off!" he just didn't know when to quit did he? He came toward me again and I backed up till I hit a large rock blocking me from moving. "Can't you just take no for an answer?" I put my hands out to push him away again but it seemed he had enough. He grabbed my wrist with his hands, "Let go, Brat!" I tried to wiggle out of his grasp but I hardly had any leverage in the water. He twisted and turned my wrist forcing me to contort my body. He didn't stop until I my arms were around myself and my back was facing him.
I guess I just didn't know when to stop, I tried to push back but that just earned me getting shoved into the rock from the sheer weight of his body. I felt defeated and all I could do was let me forehead lean against the stupid boulder. I tensed up when I felt his forehead on the back of my head. Bumps rose all over my arms and for a moment I was glad I wasn't facing him because I could feel heat rising to my cheeks. "Talk … please." I shut my eyes as hard as I could. I didn't want to talk because then everything would be real. I felt a pull in my chest like an anchor yanking my heart to the floor. "I – I c-cant." I felt it rising up after I had worked so hard to push it down. It was over flowing and I couldn't control it anymore. I guess I wasn't disciplined enough.
The pressure of my arms being pulled behind me was gone. "Try." He mumbled wrapping his arms around my body. I felt like a child, helpless and stupid. "He would've been thirty five today." I felt my chest heave. "Wasted the prime of his youth protecting me and for what? All I did for him was run like a coward." My head hung low and my eyes burned. I had worked so hard in keeping everything in that now that I wanted it out, I couldn't even cry. I cried when I learned about my family and my clan that I never even met but I couldn't cry for the one man that was everything to me. What kind of person was I?
I choked some water when Sasuke spun me around. He grabbed my shoulders a little too hard, "Not even in a life time do some get a person to love them like he loved you. You are only a waste if you waste the life he protected." I could feel my lip tremble. Was I just going to sit back and waste this life? So many people died to protect this life, my life. Was I just going to throw it all away? Now that would be truly selfish of me. "You're right. Im sorry." I let my head droop low in shame. I heard Sasuke sigh and wrap his arm around my neck pulling me to him till my face collided with his shoulder. I guess he put up with more of my shit then I realized.
The whole trip back was silent, more comfortable then not but my brain buzzed. We had wasted so much time getting the water I was sure I was going to hear it from Kakashi. It seemed we were about to when we climbed up that final ledge but when Kakashi looked between the two of us he said nothing. The sun was well passed high noon when Sasuke began his training and I told Kakashi-sensei I would jump down the mountain and climb back up five times, with and without chakra to train today. He seemed alright with it and honestly I need the alone time. I tried to focus on my chakra and my muscles and this big freaking rock. It helped to keep my mind off my troubles and off Sasuke. I for some reason felt like I had owed him an apology even though he hadn't even given me one from last night.
I found myself back on the same rock overlooking the valley when it was almost dinner time. My arms and muscles ached but not nearly as much as my heart. I had dust caked onto my short and shirt, Sasuke was right. It was hard not to get dirty while training up here. "Come eat!" I didn't hesitate when Kakashi called. Even though we all kind of did our own thing as far as food went he was very animate about eating together for some reason. I don't think he liked us off on our own, he was more fatherly then he realized. I pulled out a ration pack and some fruit that I offered Kakashi. I threw a tomato over to Sasuke which he took and we ate in silence and even though he had his book out I could catch Kakashi-sensei's worried eye glancing over at me from time to time.
The sun started to dip; it was my favorite part of being up so high. I enjoyed every single sunset, or at least I tried to. Once everyone was done eating I excused myself to watch the rest of the day fade into night. I sat with my legs out in front of me and without realizing it I started to hum softly. Something from my childhood. "What's that?" I shut up instantly when I heard his voice. He sat next to me Indian style looking out toward the open valley. I sighed when I realized I was being stupid again and if I didn't want him pushing me around till he got what he wanted I should just answer, "It's a song my uncle used to sing to me when I was little. I don't really remember all the words." That was a lie. I crossed my legs too and let my chin rest in my hand and my elbow on my knee so I had a view of the sky and of Sasuke. "What do you remember?" I rolled my eyes a bit, "Not enough that im going to sing it to you." Turning to me Sasuke gave me a soft smile. My breath caught in my throat when I realized it wasn't a grin or a smirk or a glare but an actual smile. It was only there for a moment and part of me was sure it would be very long time till I saw it again. So I tried to engrave it into my mind
"Fine but im not singing it. I can't sing." I blew a strand of hair out of my face. "My mother used to sing to honor someone's memory." I gulped he was right, Why was he so right today? It was driving me up a wall. I waited for a moment until he turned his eyes back to the sun. It was almost gone, just a bright orange line on the horizon.
"Sleep, little pigeon,
And fold your wings,
Little blue pigeon
With velvet eyes;
Sleep to the singing
Of uncle swinging
Swinging the nest
Where his little one lies.
In through the window
A moonbeam comes,
Little gold moonbeam
With misty wings;
All silently creeping,
It asks; "Is she sleeping
Sleeping and dreaming
While uncle sings?"...
Sleep, little pigeon,
And fold your wings,
Little blue pigeon
With mournful eyes;
Am I not singing? -
See, I am swinging -
Swinging the nest
where my darling lies."
I touched my face when I felt a wet drop hit my legs. It wasn't heart wrenching sobs or crashing tears. It was more like a cup slowly over flowing with water. Small little trails overflowing from my disheartened soul. But I wasn't sad anymore. I jumped when I felt his fingers over mine. It was a small gesture but I took it anyway because I sure that Sasuke was going to go back to being an ass hole by tomorrow for sure. "You okay?" I nodded my head. "Better now. Thanks." He nodded his head and looked back to the sky. I was thankful for his presence. Greif and sorrow always comes in waves and every so often the undertow pulls you beneath. Sometimes all you need is someone to make sure you don't drown and make it to tomorrow.
So I know Sasuke is very much out of character.
I feel in this situation he would be.
He understands the grief Suiren is feeling more then most
and he knows what its like to be all alone with that grief.
Doesn't mean he wont be back to Good ole Sasuke tomorrow.
xoxo