DISCLAIMER: All characters and story world belong to SM. All lyrical references and quotes are property of their original artist. No copyright infringement intended.

[Beta'd by: BlahBlahBlah, Bikechick3]
Special thanks to: Ocdmess

Last chapter I asked what one song ALWAYS makes you smile.
My answer: Blind Melon – No Rain.
Just thinking of the guitar intro and melody, I smile and dance. No matter what. Every time.

Chapter Playlist:
Dave Matthews Band – Crush
30 Seconds to Mars – Was it a Dream
Depeche Mode – A Pain That I'm Used To

http:/ /www[dot]youtube[dot]com/user/BeautifullySacred

Chapter 6
EPOV
Saturday December 24th, 2005

Jasper and I glanced at each other suspiciously. Neither one of us could tell if Alice had managed to figure out what her Christmas present was going to be. We'd been working as a team to keep changing our minds while we absentmindedly worked on her real present under the 'intentions' of something else. It was a genius plan, but we weren't certain if we had pulled it off successfully or not.

When we first received Jasper's guitar, I felt really apprehensive about him teaching me anything. After Alice pushed and begged me to give it a shot, I finally gave in. I'd learned to play the instrument rather quickly, but found I preferred the bass rhythms over the guitar chords. Alice had taken up a flurry of instruments in order to be involved in everything she could. So far, she'd mastered the Cajon box-drum and the small digital mixer, but she was still working on the violin. We tried to tell her we didn't really need a violin, but she insisted it would be important at some point, although she just couldn't see when exactly.

We avoided any kind of talk or decision on when we would play, or which song. I got the vague impression that Alice knew something musical was in store for her though. She had been keeping her visions from me, only letting me see glimpses of things by accident.

The girls were out doing some last minute shopping while Jasper, Emmett, and I finished the final touches on the decorations. The Denali sisters had decided to take advantage of our close proximity this year and spend the holiday with us. Due to work schedules, Eleazar and Carmen wouldn't be joining us until Christmas day.

As we were wrapping up the run-through of the most recent instrumental we had been working on, I heard the girls' thoughts as they drove up to the house.

'I hope Emmett doesn't ruin this Christmas with his singing and jokes like he always does. We have people staying with us, and I really don't want to have to drag him off by his…'

I shook my head, as if it would remove my sisters' thoughts from my mind, but of course, it did me no good. Jasper looked up quickly, and a giant smile spread across his lips. He sat his acoustic down and was at the door holding it open in a flash. I shifted in my seat and laid my acoustic down across the sofa and stood. I watched the women as they carried in shopping bags of all colors and sizes.

Alice was beaming at Jasper as she stretched onto her toes to give him a quick kiss. I turned my head and looked away, only to be greeted by Carlisle embracing Esme. I shifted my weight again and looked back at the instrument on the sofa. I can't fault them for their love, I thought. I wasn't certain how much longer I could hold the pain in.

"I'd love to hear you boys play again. It's been so lovely having music fill the house once more," Esme said quietly as she tightened her hold on Carlisle and looked at me.

Jasper glanced at me, then at Alice, and walked back over to the sofa where he had been sitting.

"Alright, whatever the lovely lady wants, the lovely lady gets," he said with a smirk. He patted the seat next to him and eyed Alice. She glided over to his side in an instant and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed his temple. She released him and looked over at me with a bright smile.

"Play the new one you two have been working on," she pleaded.

Jasper nodded his head as the guitar chords echoed throughout the room. I instantly started my part on the acoustic as I tapped my foot to keep rhythm, but I nearly missed my beat when I heard Jasper start to sing. Having missed only two notes, I looked up quickly and saw Jasper staring into Alice's eyes. She had a look of pure shock and devotion on her face.

Her thoughts of love and passion flowed through her. 'This must be what they had planned! Oh my… I never could have imagined him singing to me like this.'

The words poured out of his mind, filling the room with a liquid coating of admiration and total devotion. His feelings were over flowing and everyone in the room could feel the love radiating between the two of them. Alice and Jasper's eyes were locked on one another, if I hadn't been helping to deliver this present to my sister, I would have fled the room, not wanting to intrude upon their private moment.

"Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?" Jasper sang and let the last word ring out with a deep purr from his chest.

I didn't need to Jasper's talent to know what was flowing between the two of them. We began the instrumental bridge of the melody and Jasper was putting all of his focus and creativity into playing louder and with more emphasis than we had practiced before. He was always a god when it came to improvising a melody or solo on the guitar. I could hear the tune he was striving for in his mind and I slapped at the bass as I fingered the strings, matching his beat.

As we slowed the acoustics' sound, Jasper turned back to Alice and stared into her shining eyes. If she could cry, tears would have been flowing down her face. Her mind had gone entirely blank. Jasper tilted his head down, looking up at Alice through his eyelashes as he began the next verse.

"Lovely lady, let me drink you please. I won't spill a drop no, I promise you. Laying under this spell you cast on me; each moment, the more I love you. Crush me," his voice lingered on each pause, while the occasional purr would sound from within him as he sang.

I could hear Alice gasp as his purr became more prominent. Her hand flew to her lips where she was trembling gently. Her thoughts were quiet and filled with love. 'Oh Jasper…'

./.

When we finished the song, I ran. It was all I could do to escape the love that was filling the thoughts of nearly everyone around me. A piece of me felt guilty for leaving the Denali sisters there with my family, but none of them could read minds. Besides, I was pretty sure they could find loud enough music to drown out most of the gasps and sighs that would be filling the house, but nothing could truly filter out their thoughts.

Part of me was happy we had surprised Alice for once, and that she enjoyed her present. The other part of me, however, was very bothered by the emptiness I felt and I was overloaded by all of the emotions. I couldn't berate my siblings for enjoying what their life had granted them, but I couldn't help being jealous and bitter because of it.

Bella, my mind repeated.

Bella. Bella. Bella.

My insides seared as the hole in my chest flared up. I was doing my best to move forward and lock up the torment inside me, but even music and time weren't helping. I knew I was lying to myself by thinking that just giving myself time, and a simple distraction would help me move on. The pain only seemed to grow stronger the more I denied its presence.

Carlisle tried to tell me Bella and I were soul mates, and that this pain would never dull, only grow stronger. However, I refused to even think that a monster such as myself, and my kind were capable of having a soul. No God would grace a degenerate such as me with the perfection and beauty of having a soul, and someone to share it with. I may believe in vampires mating for life, but I did not share Carlisle's thoughts about the soul.

I walked along the frozen river bank a few miles from the house with my acoustic strapped to my back. The snow was falling gently as the wind blew against my face. I knew I should spend my time hunting, but I really didn't feel like quenching the thirst that reminded me of what I truly was, or why I could never go back. Sometimes I looked back on those few months I had spent with her in Forks and thought it had all been an illusion, a day dream. Perhaps it was God's way of reminding me of exactly what I don't deserve.

I leaned against a snow covered tree and stared at the icy path the river hid beneath. Recalling one of our recent instrumentals, I settled the acoustic in front of me and began to pull at the strings. My hand slapped quietly against the wooden frame as I strummed the chords. After the second play through the intro, the words formed in my mind. I whispered the first two lines quietly, reluctant to admit them to myself out loud. I continued the melody as I pushed into the next two lines.

"My intentions never change. What I want still stays the same. And I know what I should do; it's time to set myself on fire," my voice lingered on the last word as I played louder. The echo of the acoustic rang out as my palm briefly touched the body of the instrument again. I closed my eyes, and sang the chorus louder and with so much pain as the image of her face came to me.

"Was it a dream? Was it a dream? Is this the only evidence that proves it; a photograph of you and I."I slowed the rhythm, crawling back into the tempo of the verse. I opened my eyes to rid my mind of her face. Imagining her is doing you no good, I told myself.

"Your reflection I've erased, like a thousand burned out yesterdays. Believe me when I say goodbye - forever is for good." I trembled and my voice cracked as I repeated the last three words. I slapped at the chords again, firmer than before. The thought of breaking the instrument occurred to me, so I softened my blows slightly, but continued with the emphasis on the strings. I repeated the chorus, willing myself to believe in my own words.

As I reached the end of the new song, I took a deep breath and slid to the base of the tree trunk. I released the guitar, setting it against the trunk, and stared up at the sky. The venom pricked at my eyes, and I wished I could shed the pain with tears. The pressure in my chest, behind my eyes, and in my mind pressed down on me like a ton of bricks. I let out a guttural scream, clutching at the snow beneath me.

"Bella, my Bella. I'm so sorry…" I mumbled through sobs and leaned to my right as I fell into the snow in a fetal position. I curled my knees into myself and lay in the snow, letting the winter bury me alive.

./.

'Damn it dude! Why the hell would he still be out here after so long? It's been almost two days. TWO DAYS EDWARD and its Christmas! I've been singing all day! You're missing it man! If you can even hear me; I swear to God don't make me sing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer! I'll sing it MY way too!' My brother's thoughts called out to me, searching for me.

I blinked and shifted my body. I tilted my head slightly, and noticed there was a subtle pressure on my entire body. It wasn't holding me in place, or constricting me, it had just simply settled over me. I moved the arm beneath my ribcage, and noticed that the pressure was due to the inches of snow that was layered on top of me. I had been lying there thinking of my Bella and hurting too much to move.

'Dude, we've only been back a few days and you take off! You didn't even open presents yet! Alice refused to come and get you, rambling about it not being time or some shit, but I'm not waiting any longer for you, and I wanted to open my presents. Damn pixie. Come on man, where in the hell are you?' Emmett continued to ramble.

I mumbled through the snow as I pulled myself up into a sitting position. I looked to my right and noticed the top of the guitar frets sticking out of the snow. I sighed and moaned. Great, that acoustic is ruined.

"There you are, man. Come on! Everyone is waiting. You're holding up the wrapping paper party!" Emmett stopped a few feet short of me, and stared with his jaw dropped. "Whoa dude, you look like hell, frozen over! You're really torn up, aren't you?" He shook his head as he watched me stand.

I hadn't spent much time with Emmett since the week we all left Forks. He and Rosalie didn't follow us to Alaska. When they both returned the week before Christmas, I kept my distance. He spent a lot of time at the Denali house with Rose, visiting the sisters. I wished he hadn't been the one to find me out here. As I walked to pass him, leaving the guitar where it was, he clapped me on the shoulder.

"Eddie, dude, seriously—"

"I don't want to talk, Emmett," I growled out. "Please," I said softer.

"Whoa. Okay," he paused, cautiously. 'If you are this hung up about it, why don't you just go back to her?' he thought.

I spun on my heel and glared at him. His hands flew up in the air in surrender.

"Sorry, sorry. Dropping it. It's dropped. I swear." He traced an 'x' over his heart like a boy in a giant's body. He waited for me to turn and start running before he moved. After a few seconds, he followed, singing random Christmas songs in his head in an exceptionally obnoxious way. I knew he was hiding something, but didn't really care what it was. It was probably about the gifts, knowing him.

It took us less than ten minutes to reach the house and Emmett sang carols the entire way. This wasn't going to be a good Christmas; I was already in a bad mood, and my brother wasn't helping matters. As I walked in the front door, I was greeted with an embrace from Carmen and a pat on the back from Eleazar.

"Good to see you again, Edward. It's been far too long." Eleazar nodded his head.

I nodded at their kindness and lowered my gaze to the floor as I crossed the room to the piano. I really wasn't in the mood for company or pretending to socialize, so I took a seat at the bench and let my fingers glide over the keys. I ghosted the melody to Bella's lullaby, but refused to hear the notes out loud. I could sense the stares of my family against my back for a few short minutes before their gaze slowly began to shift to each other, then to the floor.

Seconds passed and as I closed my eyes and let my mind wander over the sound of the song in my head, but was interrupted by Alice's thoughts as she stood beside me.

'You still have your presents to open, Edward. It may be the day after Christmas, but we aren't taking them back simply because you decided to go for an impromptu vacation the day the gift giving was set to take place.'

I could hear the impatience in her voice, almost like a mental tapping of the foot. I finished the line I was on in my head and opened my eyes, meeting her gaze.

"Alright, Alice, where are they?" I asked quietly.

Her face lit up as she danced towards the table against the wall. Jasper was waiting in the doorway beside the table for her. He held his hand out, and as she took it, pulled it up to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles, staring at her deeply. I dropped my gaze to the floor and waited quietly on the other side of Alice for her to hand me the one she wanted me to open first. Tanya, Kate, Irina, and Rose filed into the room, and stood towards the back.

"Alright, this one is combination gift from Carmen, Eleazar, Tanya, Kate, and Irina. Open it first."

I opened the gift and tipped the box to empty the contents into my hand. A pile of papers thudded into my palm, and I began to leaf through them. They were blank music sheets. A smile crossed my lips as I looked up in search of my extended family.

"Thank you, this will come in very handy with all of the new writing we've been doing," I said as I smiled at Carmen who was beaming brightly with one arm wrapped around Eleazar's waist.

"There's more," Alice chimed. She pointed to the corner of the room where the tree sat. Beneath the decorated branches lay a new Fender BG31 acoustic bass guitar and a large Fender Vintage amplifier.

"Wow, thank you. I guess Alice informed you that I could use a new bass?" I asked, turning to glance at my sister before smiling back to Eleazar.

"She did, just in time too. Merry Christmas, Edward." He smiled and squeezed Carmen gently. Tanya, Kate, Irina and I all exchanged hugs and 'Merry Christmas' greetings before I walked back over to Alice.

"This is from Rose and Emmett," Alice said as she pushed a large box across the floor.

My eyebrows shifted into a confused expression as I looked for Emmett. He was standing across the room with Rose tucked into his side with the biggest shit-eating grin. 'I know it isn't our traditional kind of exchange, but it is pretty damn awesome,' Emmett thought rather loudly as he squeezed Rose.

Once the wrapping was off of the humungous box, I walked around to the other side to look at the front of it. In bold black letters the box read, Roland E-50: a Music Workstation. My eyes grew wide as I shot a look up at Emmett and Rosalie. She was smiling as she turned into his side. Rose, smiling? I tried to read her thoughts but she was reciting Christmas carols in Japanese.

"You got me a mixing keyboard and sampler?" I asked in a voice much louder than I had planned.

"Awesome, isn't it? Oh man, Eddie, I can't wait to see that thing in action!" He laughed as his hands shot out in front of him like he was pounding on the keys. He raised one hand to his ear, pretending to hold a headphone as he grooved out to a club-beat only he and I could hear in his head.

I chuckled loudly, truly smiling for the first time in a long time at my brother's antics. "Thank you Rosalie, Emmett - it's awesome."

"There's more!' Alice chimed in once again, shoving a much smaller box at my chest. "This one is from Jasper and I. Open it!" she said as she bounced up and down.

I tore open the paper with a bit more enthusiasm than the previous two presents and looked down to see a Roland MV-8800 Production Studio.

"Now we have a sound board and mixer to record, edit, and create masters and copies," Alice said as she bounced, practically vibrating. She threw her arms around my neck and squealed excitedly. I gripped the box in one hand and wrapped the other around her in a tight embrace.

"Thank you, both of you. This is so perfect." I looked to Jasper who smiled back and nodded. The gift was more like a group gift to the three of us and our interest in music than a solo gift to me, but I still enjoyed the thought behind it greatly.

"Alright, and last but definitely not least is Carlisle and Esme's gift."

I un-wrapped it quickly and looked at the box. "I'm confused; don't we already have a Christmas tree?" I asked, pointing to the corner. I continued to look down at the box that showed a fake Christmas tree with bright gold lights on the package. We never use a fake tree.

"Open it, stupid!" Rosalie called from the corner of the room.

I shot her a dark look and turned back to the box. I opened the flap and peered in. At the top of the box was a pale wooden guitar head with 6 turn keys. I reached in and grabbed the neck, pulling it out of the box. I gasped, my eyes opened wide with shock.

"It's a 6 string fretless Fender bass guitar…" I said in awe.

"It's a Steve Bailey Jazz VI string fretless bass guitar, with ebony fingerboard, and tortoise shell pick guard, actually. We hope you like the color, son. It took us ages to decide which one to get you." Carlisle said softly, as he held a beaming Esme tightly to his side.

My mouth was still hanging open as I looked back and forth between the two of them, then back at the bass guitar. Esme's smile grew bigger as she stepped forward with her arms out. I took a few quick steps forward and wrapped my arms around her tightly. Inhaling the scent of her hair, I closed my eyes and smiled. I felt Carlisle's palm on my shoulder, 'Merry Christmas, son. I'm happy to see you smiling once again,' he said to me silently.

"Thank you, both of you. It means so much to me. I don't deserve your affection." I released Esme and took a step back, hanging my head slightly as I shifted my weight.

Carlisle's hand grazed under my chin as he lifted it and took a step closer to me. "You are my son, and you deserve whatever makes you happy, even if you won't let yourself have it," he said to me slowly, pouring several different meanings into the simple sentence. He pulled me into an embrace and patted my back firmly before pulling away again. He shifted back into his wife's side, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Thank you, Father," I whispered, and nodded my head, showing I understood. Though I will never agree, I thought.

./.

We spent the next few weeks in the basement cleaning out the dust, sound proofing the walls, putting in extra power outlets, and installing the sound equipment. It only took three days of casual labor. Afterwards we played around with the equipment, learning the different things they were capable of. Alice, of course, was determined to be the first to master my digital mixer.

We decided we needed a piano down there as well for recording certain songs. The keyboard just didn't achieve the same sound, so we sent Alice out to buy a baby grand for downstairs. We tore the doorframe down so we could get the piano downstairs and patched it back up by making it a double door entrance.

Emmett was down in the basement with us and had asked Jasper what each individual slider did on the mixer and then proceeded to test it out anyway. I swear, he was just like those kids you tell to not touch the stove. His mother must have been a patient woman.

Jasper shot me an awkward glance, trying to evaluate my emotions. I simply shrugged. 'A little help here, brother?' He simply continued to stare at me, almost pleading with his eyes.

I stood up from the piano bench and sighed as I wandered over to Emmett. His eyes lit up as he saw me approaching him, and his grin grew even more mischievous, if that was even possible. I simply shook my head and sighed as my lips turned upwards into a casual grin.

"Eddie! Is the piano up and running to your obsessive idea of perfection?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yes, Emmett, it is tuned and working fine, thank you. Can I help you with something, brother?" I asked, trying to placate him.

"Jazz here is showing me the different audio settings. Did you know that there's a techno setting? You guys should throw a country tune into that bad boy and see what it can do!" He pointed at the keyboard mixing studio hooked up to it in the corner.

I looked at Jasper and he rolled his eyes while a slight smile formed at the corner of his lips. I laughed and placed my palm on Emmett's broad shoulder.

"Not today, Em. We're still waiting for Alice to get back to test out some of the settings; she knows this thing better than either of us."

"Aw, come on, Eddie! Just jam out some tunes and I'll hit record for you guys," he pleaded with me as his grin faded into a small smile. "Please, man, I just like watching you guys jam."

I looked to Jasper and I shrugged my shoulders as he mirrored my action. Emmett laughed, filling the basement with an odd version of his booming laughter. The sound proofing gave everything a pure and crisp ring.

"How about we try working out the timing on that new song of yours, the one with the wicked beat?" Jasper asked me, raising an eyebrow.

"Alright, it can't hurt to practice while we wait, I guess," I responded.

I walked over to the keyboard where Emmett was standing and flipped the switches. Jasper picked up the electric guitar and plugged it into the amplifier, checking the sound each time he adjusted a string. I played out a simple drum beat on the keyboard effects, and saved it for later on a button. I pressed it once to test it out, then looked up at Jasper who nodded once in approval.

"I've actually written the words out for this track as well. Here is the set of lyrics, if you want to sing any harmonies, or just follow along to grasp the certain emphasis points. I was thinking a crescendo and loop between the first chorus and third verse would balance the song out, then a double chorus at the end," I mumbled out the last few words as I handed him the paper. I felt a little anxious about his reaction to the words I had written for such a strong melody. I casted my eyes downward and walked back to the keyboard.

'No reason to be feeling anxious, Edward. No one is going to hear this but us,' Jasper said quietly in his thoughts.

I nodded my head once to show I acknowledged his thoughts. I counted down from three, and Jasper pressed the distortion with his foot. The guitar buzzed to life loudly with an electrical current sound flooding the room. After the second play through the intro, I turned on the drum track to accompany the melody.

"I'm not sure, what I'm looking for anymore, I just know that I'm harder to console," I carried the last note with my voice before I started the second line.

"I don't see who I'm trying to be instead of me, but the key is a question of control," I lingered on the last note again, but this time Jasper sang out the last word in the same tone and emphasis as I had. I smiled up at him and nodded, communicating that I liked his improved vocal harmony. Jasper played a solo piece on the guitar before the next line. I turned my focus to my words and the pain they helped me to ease within myself.

"All this running around, well it's getting me down; Just give me a pain that I'm used to. I don't need to believe all the dreams you conceive, you just need to achieve something that rings true," Jasper and I sang the entire chorus in harmony, pausing on each word for emphasis.

The guitar sang out loudly at the end of the chorus just as I heard a strange distortion effect change the sound of the guitar and keyboard. I looked up, panicked, thinking Emmett had toyed with the mixer, but instead I saw Alice with a huge grin just nodding at me with a headphone cupped to her ear. The loud whirring noise bounced off the wall like an electrical tool making a beautiful melody. The sound was electrifying and chilling, but amazing all at the same time. I smiled brightly at her, and looked towards Jasper who was grinning from ear to ear.

She dropped the effect, and I stopped playing the keyboard and faded the drum beat out so just Jasper's guitar was playing through the pedal. I smiled as I took a deep breath, raising my eyebrow at Jasper. He nodded once and leaned into the microphone at the same time I did.

"There's a hole in your soul, like an animal; with no conscience, repentance, oh no!" I sang darkly, matching my pitch to Jasper's at 'oh no'. Those words were the most painful to me, and mirrored my vision of myself. I was a monster inside, and this was my anthem, letting everyone know just how destructive I could be to those around me. With my words laid out, I was allowing my thoughts to be torn apart and baring my pain for everyone to hear.

"Close your eyes. Pay the price for your paradise. Devils feed on the seeds of the soul." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see Jaspers reaction to the mix of emotions he sensed. I tried to take what wasn't mine and was paying the price. She was my paradise, and the devil inside of me wanted to selfishly take away her soul.

Alice must have pressed the effects, because the sudden whirring noise filled the room. I looked up at my siblings, thankful to be able to share my pain in a way that didn't harm them as well. Jasper had a crooked smile on his face as his eyes flitted back and forth between Alice and me.

"I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real. No mistaking the faking; I care," Jasper sang the last two words with me stronger than the harmonies before.

"With a prayer in the air, I will leave it there. On a note full of hope, not despair," we sang together, his voice lingered on the last notes while I moved into the chorus.

Alice changed the sound during the last two loops of the chorus as Jasper mimicked my words at each line, tearing at the guitar chords as the last words rang out. I faded out the drum track, so just the distortion of the guitar could be heard while he let it slowly die out naturally.

I opened my eyes and looked to Alice who was beaming. "Tell me that recorded?" I asked, concerned.

"Yep! I think with a little tinkering, we can get some better effects, but for a first shot with words, that was awesome! Thanks for waiting for me, by the way," she pouted and punched my arm.

"My fault," Emmett claimed from the back of the room with a grin. "I told them to play me something and wouldn't take no for an answer. I didn't know it was going to be so kick ass though!" he exclaimed while pumping his fist into the air.

"I didn't think the words would fit the melody that well, but when you started singing, I have to admit…" Jasper paused, shaking his head as a smile formed on his lips, "I was pleasantly surprised."

I just smiled and looked down at the keyboard at my fingertips. I hadn't been sure I wanted to share those words with anyone, but that beat was a fitting choice to emphasis the pain in the song. The words were such a raw reflection of my own guilt and torment. My body was torn apart from the inside as my mind ran laps around all the various reasons I had to feel the way I did.

'Snap out of it, Edward. I don't know why you're feeling guilty and remorseful, but quit,' Jasper thought quite loudly at me.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, I'm trying," I mumbled quietly as I ran my fingers through my hair violently.

"What are you sorry for this time, Edward?" my sister asked incredulously. She looked from me to Jasper, then back to me, understanding. "I swear the amount of guilt and emo that runs through you is just unbelievable. You act as though you're some virulent disease to the world or something; the world's biggest threat to humanity."

"Virulent disease? Of course that's what I see our kind as," I argued. "Just think about it: when a human is born they are already dying from whatever genetic dispositions they are cursed with, not to mention that everyone is born to die. Every life is riddled with disease from the moment of conception. Death is the only constant in life. That is, unless you are turned into one of us. Then you are virulent; a venomous and poisonous being that's sole purpose is to destroy the beauty that life is in the most destructive and malicious way possible. At least with death you have a soul to carry you past the diseases of life." I took a deep breath as my nostrils flared. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to calm myself, knowing they didn't ask for that kind of outburst. I opened my mouth to begin my apologies, when I was cut off by Alice.

"Perfect. It will work perfect!" she chimed in a soft voice, and I wondered if she heard anything I said at all.

I opened my eyes quickly and stared at Alice, then looked to Jasper. Looking towards Emmett only infuriated me more because he had that same stupid grin on his face again, and for once, his mind was silent.

"What's perfect, Alice? What we are? The plague our kind is to humanity?" I balled my fists up and tried to keep from shaking.

"No, you dummy, the name, 'Virulent Disease'; that's our band's name," she responded, still smiling innocently.

"What do you mean, our band's name? What band?" I asked, losing my patience.

"You can be so thick sometimes," she huffed. "We need a band name, Edward. We can't start playing shows without a name. Did you expect us to just introduce ourselves as the Cullens, like when we play 'school students'?" She crossed her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow.

I looked to Jasper for some help, or explanation, or anything really. He took a few steps towards Alice to stand by her side. I felt my mouth hanging open and closed it before opening it again to speak.

"When are we going to be playing shows? We barely have a few songs, and none of them are finished," I asked, calmer than I felt. "I thought we were just jamming, or whatever Jasper called it. Making music; finding distractions," I added bitterly.

"Next weekend; we can go out to La Sangue Cantante, the vampire club in the middle of an uninhabited area, outside of Cantwell," she said, completely ignoring my second comment. "I've already seen it, and we are awesome! I was planning on asking you guys about names when I got home today, but didn't see that you would be playing until just before I got here," she said as she gestured to the staircase at the back of the room.

I dropped my head and sighed. I searched through her thoughts, and saw the vision as she replayed it for me. The lights are dark, with red and purple lights casting onto a small stage. The three of us are on the stage with a small set up; keyboard, amp, mixer, box-drum, microphone stands, and an acoustic guitar and bass.

"Fine, but what are we going to play?" I asked.

Alice squeaked as she clung to Jasper. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head and smiled at Emmett who was hollering and cheering.

"I want us to play Fever, please, Edward!" she pleaded. Images of her dancing around the stage seductively flashed through her mind, and I shot her a sour look.

"I've always wanted to play Sweetest Perfection, and I think your vocals would be great, Edward," Jasper added.

"Fine, but we should play one of our own songs. Do you think we could have the one we played tonight mixed and perfected by then?" I asked, turning to Jasper.

"No doubt. I think we could even spice up the covers a bit too, adding our own flare." He nodded in agreement, and looked at Alice.

"Oh! We could do Fever with a bit of a bluesy style to it and a heavy bass line! What do you think, Jazz?" She beamed up at him, her eyes glowing from the excitement. Jasper just smiled down at her with a nod.

"So it's settled? Virulent Disease will be playing at La Sangue Cantante next weekend?" she paused, waiting for us all to nod in agreement.

I nodded slowly and let out a deep sigh, just as she squealed once again and began vibrating with excitement. I knew we were going to have to finish mixing those songs, as well as flesh out more of our original pieces over the next week, but a small part of me wished I could just curl up and go back to being invisible to the world, unimportant to my family. I felt like I was being granted too much in my life. I did not deserve for anything to be easy, or less painful. I deserved to ache for eternity with the loss and guilt over my choices.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold the numbing pain inside before it managed to seep out of my skin, but the action made no difference. The burning ache in my dead heart reared its ugly head once again, and I trudged upstairs, hoping for solitude in my own room before I unraveled at my seams.

Song question for the chapter: Name an important song to you, that you find romantic, and/or raw with emotions, and why it's important to you.