DISCLAIMER: All characters and story world belong to SM. All lyrical references and quotes are property of their original artist. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: The fantastic four - BlahBlahBlah, OCDMess, WendyAnn, and Bikechick3 (I miss you!). The betas, validators and fic wife writers dream of!
Last chapter I asked: What song you can listen to on repeat for hours and never turn down, skip, or get tired of. My answer: Blind Melon - 'No Rain'. I just can't say no to it.
**This is a transitional chapter. It's a neccessity to the storyline, and helps move things along. It's my least favorite chapter written, and I expect you will all probably agree. Don't worry, good stuff is coming soon!
This is a song fic and so all of my chapters are based on songs, lyrics, or covers. All links are from YouTube.
Lifehouse – From Where You Are
/watch?v=LBh7Muv0yac
Our Lady Peace – 4 A.M.
/watch?v=NYEMskcDRKY
Depeche Mode – Halo
/watch?v=4BmgJo45rSg
Chapter 11
EPOV
Thursday January 19th, 2006
The drive home felt like it took us weeks. I sat in the back seat of the car while Alice drove with Jasper beside her in the passenger seat. I stared out the window, watching as the world passed by in a haze. Carlisle had said that we could stay in Forks, but I knew it wouldn't do me any good. I never wanted to return; being around everything that reminded me of her hurt too much. I sat silent the entire trip back to Alaska, missing my Bella.
I had gotten particularly good at blocking out the thoughts around me, although it was eerie being locked away in my own mind after so many years of noise. As I watched the white covered trees pass me by, I sang to my Bella in my thoughts.
So far away from where you are. These miles have torn us worlds apart, and I miss you. Yeah I miss you. I miss the years that were erased. I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face.
Jasper was radiating a constant state of calm, trying to deal with the overwhelming emotions I was going through. I said that I would ride with Emmett and Rosalie, but everyone insisted that I ride with Alice and Jasper. Carlisle was concerned that I might act out drastically in response to Bella's death, and Alice had seen enough glimpses of my future to confirm that as a definite possibility. Alice wouldn't let me out of her sight. I couldn't blame them; death was a constant thought in the back of my mind. I battled internally with the idea frequently, but I also didn't want to shame my love for Bella that way.
I was completely torn.
Every time that I closed my eyes I saw her smile. I could smell her hair and taste her lips on my tongue. I could even recall her heartbeats and the steadiness of her breathing as she slept. I silently pleaded for these memories to never fade, but a small part of me selfishly wished that it didn't hurt so much to think of her.
I feel the beating of your heart. I see the shadows of your face. Just know that wherever you are, yeah, I miss you, and I wish you were here.
**
I had lost track of time. The days blurred together and the nights seemed endless. Everyone had gone their separate ways, attempting to find normalcy once again. We all felt the emptiness Bella had left in our lives. I curled up on my black, leather sofa and tried to hold myself together. Nothing smelled like her here. My memories were all I had left.
My mind shifted through countless "what if" scenarios, but I knew they were all pointless. I had been through a similar situation a few decades ago: weighing the pros and cons of a decision and acting on impulse far too hastily. When I had decided to leave Carlisle and Esme to try a new way of living, I had thought it would be for the best. I realized in hindsight that I was simply overreacting by leaving, and not thinking clearly.
Carlisle had called me regularly, asking me how I was, and if I planned to visit. Every time I would tell him I was fine, and that I had no plans of returning. When he finally called and confessed to me how lost he and Esme were without me in their lives, I realized that my attempt to give them space had been in vain. While my intentions had felt noble, they lacked any pertinence.
When I finally came home, I hated myself. I had seen what my actions had done to the two people closest to me. I saw what I had become. Those were the demons I had lived with for decades. I had tried to absolve myself of those years with my attempts to move on and cherish Bella. It was something that we would have fought over… if she were still alive. I always told her she never saw herself clearly and now it was my turn look in the mirror properly.
At some point, I had gotten up from my couch and begun to pace around my room. I was so lost in my own mind, focusing on "what could have been", that I slowly felt myself sinking into another depression. I could feel my sorrow pulling me down, but I couldn't stop it. I truly didn't have any faith that I could make it through an eternity without her. How long can I survive this way, truly? I knew the answer, and it wouldn't be long enough for my family. Thankfully, Alice was with Jasper at least an hour away.
My emotions felt like a light switch. I would shift toward the desire of moving forward, for her, always for her. Then at the drop of a hat, I didn't want to go on existing. I would crumble when I remembered that I would have to exist without her for an eternity and not just for a human lifespan. Then, the image of her accepting gaze would flood my mind, and I would want to continue for her, in her memory. Either way, I can't live like this.
I paced anxiously around my room, gripping my hair tightly. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I know, Alice. I pulled out the piece of plastic, laid it on my desk, and continued pacing imaginary lines in the floor. I was a mess, and I had no clue how to hold myself together. It had been over two weeks since I learned of her death, and everyday felt the same.
"I walked around my good intentions, and found that there were none. I blamed my father for the wasted years, we hardly talked. I never thought I would forget this hate, and then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong." My words left my lips in a gentle melody, speaking with a somber tone.
I had blamed Carlisle for those first few years on my own. I had never wanted to be this way, and I was never given a choice. I'd always understood Rosalie's bitterness towards our existence, and I secretly shared a lot of her views.
Looking back, I saw that my time away from home had been wasted. It was a phase of teenage rebellion, but that didn't make the years any less real. The day that Carlisle had called me, I had already been breaking down.
"If I don't make it, know that I've loved you all along. Just like sunny days that we ignore because we're all dumb and jaded; and I hope to God I figure out what's wrong." The words mirrored my emotions and tore me apart.
I wished that I could tell Bella one last time that I loved her and that everything I had said had been a lie to protect her. It broke me further, knowing that she died scared and alone, thinking that I never loved her as she had loved me. I wished I could take it all back. I wished I could make it all better. I wished I could follow her.
I collapsed onto the floor and my dry sobs rang out as my body shook. In front of me, sitting at the bottom of my book case, was a small wooden box. I reached out gingerly and pulled the ornate delicacy towards me. I held my breath and opened the lid, peering inside. My collected trinkets and prized possessions were settled neatly at the bottom. The most recent addition had been the lemonade cap from the first day I spent with Bella in the cafeteria at Forks High. My heart sank and the aching inside my chest burned as I closed my eyes tightly, shutting out the memories.
"I walked around my room not thinking, just sinking in this box." I closed the lid, slid it back across the floor, and rose to my feet. "I blame myself for being too much like somebody else. I never thought I would just bend this way, and then a phone call made me realize I'm wrong." I wrapped my arms around my sides and walked to my sofa again. I collapsed onto the softness and curled onto my side, holding myself together.
I laid there for another twenty minutes before Alice dashed into the house with Jasper at her heels. Within a second, she was at the edge of my sofa, peering down at me.
"How could you even fathom such an idea, Edward? Don't you know what hurting yourself would do to all of us? To Carlisle? To Esme?" She shrieked through panicked words.
"He's still sitting here, Alice, I'm sure he knew you were coming and wouldn't do anything drastic," Jasper said, trying to calm her.
She turned to face Jasper with a serious expression. "Jazz, you didn't see this; you never want to see this." She turned back to face me and her serious expression faded into a grimace. "I screamed, Edward, In the middle of the club, talking to Maurice, I screamed out your name. I was so panicked, we didn't even explain before I took off. I feared I wouldn't get here in time. No one would answer their cell phones. It was like…" she paused, 'like losing her all over again,' she finished in her mind.
I swallowed and sighed deeply, moving into a sitting position.
"I'm sorry I worried you, Alice. That is never my intention. I can't help my mind wandering. I miss her so much. How would you be right now if you had lost Jasper? If you could never apologize for the biggest mistake of your life, and tell him you loved him one last time?"
She grimaced at my words and I could feel the pain radiating from Jasper as he felt her reaction to my words. Alice's expression softened and she frowned. I put my head in my hands and sighed again. They could never understand how I felt.
Alice knelt down beside me. "I can't imagine what you are going through, Edward, but she wouldn't have wanted you to sulk this way. You might think she doesn't love you anymore, but she always loved you, unconditionally. It was one of her most admirable abilities: to love beyond all means. She was even stronger than Esme when it came to loving others and putting them before herself. You know that. You also know she would have wanted you to continue living; if not for her, then for us, your family. We need you, Edward. We all do," she said.
"I can't do it, Alice. I just can't. It's not right with her gone. Nothing is right anymore. It shouldn't have been her that died, it should have been me. She deserved to have a full life. Otherwise, all the pain I caused her was in vain. It should have been me," I said quietly, shaking my head. Alice tried to comfort me by placing her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off bitterly.
"I know you think that none of us understand, Edward. I can never understand what is going through your mind, but I can understand how you are feeling. You are filled with more guilt, and grief, than anyone I have ever known. It consumes you, every moment of every day, but guilt won't bring her back, Brother. Guilt will never change the past of words said, and time unspent. You should be feeling love, remorse and longing with your grief, but never guilt," Jasper said, taking a step forward from the doorway and toward us on the couch.
My eyes shot up to meet Jasper's gaze, black as the void in my chest, and I growled at him fiercely. "Never tell me what I should feel, Brother. Because of me, Bella was left alone to suffer. Because of me, she died thinking that everyone would desert her, never truly loving her. Because of me, she will never live a full life. So never tell me what I should replace my guilt with, because I do feel love, remorse and longing for her. I feel the need to hold her in my arms and kiss away her fears, but because of me she will never know just how much I truly cared for her." I sobbed through the last sentence, filled with pain and anger at his words and my own actions.
Jasper stood completely still at the edge of the sofa, next to Alice. I heard him think of the names for all of the emotions I was feeling. I hated when he did that. When hatred crossed my mind, he raised an eyebrow at the emotion, but said nothing.
"Edward," Alice started, "Jasper was just trying to help. We know you miss her, and love her. We feel those emotions too, but we can't understand why you're blaming yourself for this. Why do you think she didn't know you loved her? Of course she knew you loved her, Edward. How could she not?"
Alice didn't know. None of them knew. I hadn't told anyone what I told Bella in the forest before we left.
"Because I told her I didn't," I said quietly, finally admitting the reason behind my guilt.
"What do you mean you told her you didn't?" Alice asked, confused.
"Just that. I told her I didn't love her anymore. I told her I didn't want her. I told her I had moved on, and so should she."
"But why, Edward? Why would you lie to her?" she asked, slightly panicked.
"Because I thought it would be the easiest way for her to move on. I thought it would be a clean break for her. I also thought she would fight me. Obviously I was wrong on all three counts." I whispered my darkest secrets.
Alice gasped, and her hand on my shoulder shook. Through her mind, I watched her look up at Jasper's expression. His face showed his shock and confusion. They were both upset that I had never told them what really transpired between Bella and I that day, but they were more concerned with my guilt than anything else. Esme and Carlisle's possible reactions to this information briefly ran through Alice's mind, and I cringed.
"So you blame yourself because you think if you had told her the truth instead of a lie, she wouldn't have died? That's crazy, Edward. You can't blame yourself for causing her death. We all know what a walking hazard she was to herself. It would have happened sooner than later," Jasper said, trying to reassure me.
"No, I blame myself for lying to her. I blame myself for having my lie be the last thing she remembers of me, and I blame myself for walking away from her," I said through quiet sobs. My eyes filled with tears that failed to run down my cheeks. "I blame myself for not cherishing her, as I should have. I didn't love her enough, and my lack of love killed her."
"You didn't kill her, Edward," Alice argued.
"Yes, I did, Alice. When I got to Charlie's house that night, I saw in his mind exactly what my lies did to her. She was a shell, Alice. She didn't eat, and when she managed to sleep, she would wake up screaming. She didn't speak for days; she was broken. I'd always believed our kind had no soul. A God could never be so kind as to grant us such beauty. The day she died, I felt a part of myself shatter and die with her; I felt a part of my soul die. It took the sacrifice of my soul mate to realize exactly what I had been gifted, and fate is cruel enough to take it away the moment before I saw that. My lies were the cruelest kind of pain and because of them my karma was served just as harshly. For that, I can never forgive myself."
The room was silent for what felt like hours. Eventually, Alice put her hand on my knee and stared at me through her somber eyes.
'I'm so sorry, Edward. I can't fathom your pain. I'm so sorry,' she thought.
"If Bella were here this very moment, and she knew you wanted to die because of what you said and did to her, what do you think she would say?" Jasper asked.
His question caught me off guard. What would she say? What would she say? I pondered the thought for a moment before shaking my head slightly. She would probably hate me.
"Well?" he asked.
"I don't know what she would say," I lied.
"Yes you do, Edward. What would Bella say if she knew you planned to destroy yourself?" he repeated, pushing me.
"She would say I was 'stupid', alright? She would make me promise to never think that again. She would…" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "She would tell me I wasn't allowed." My mind brought the memories of us on Charlie's couch discussing this very topic to the forefront of my consciousness and shoved her words into my thoughts. Seeing her face contorted in fear, anger, and pain, made my insides shift uncomfortably. We'd had this conversation before, Bella and I.
"Then if you do truly wish you could take everything back, don't you think you should start by honoring what she would have wanted?" Jasper spoke plainly.
I sighed, realizing he was right. I should have seen this coming. I looked at Alice out of the corner of my eye and saw that she was smiling at the turn of events. The image of my burning body faded from her mind and was replaced by an image of the three of us playing music in the basement.
"I suppose you are right. To go against her wishes would only disrespect her even more than I already have. I just wish this could be easier. It hurts all the time, being without her," I sighed and looked up at Jasper, partly wishing for some sort of comfort to ease me through the anguish. Although, I didn't deserve it.
"It can be easier. Remember when you used to play music about Bella, or for Bella? You always felt so peaceful and content," he said calmly. "She loved watching and listening to you play, Edward. I never sensed her in a calmer, more accepting mood. The term 'cloud nine' couldn't even touch her emotions when you played for her. I know you may view your music simply as a way to pass the time, but it really meant something to her, and I think it can be something important for you too; maybe even for all of us." Jasper placed his hand on Alice's shoulder and smiled down at her before looking back at me.
"All of the musical influences within me are laced with sorrow and pain. I can't write without feeling how much I miss her," I said. I knew they wanted to help, but I couldn't see how surrounding myself with the thoughts of her would do me any good.
"No one is asking you to write fluff, Edward. Angst sells just as well as the next piece of romance; maybe even better, these days," Jasper said.
I rolled my eyes and looked over at my sister, who was still seated beside me. She smiled at me lovingly and reached out to take my hand. "Please, just give it a shot, Edward. Things could work out so amazingly for us! I've seen glimpses of a future where you let yourself become absorbed in your music, and it's so spectacular." She shuffled through random bits of my future: her excited while on the phone, glimpses of us on a dark stage playing for a good sized crowd somewhere I didn't recognize, and bright smiles from our family as we stood around the radio. Success would be easy for us, being what we are. We could charm our way into anything, but that wasn't what I wanted. If we did this whole 'music career' for a while, I wanted it to be about the music and the experience, and as a way to pay respects to Bella.
"What are you thinking, Edward? I can only read your emotions, and I'm a bit lost as to how they tie together," Jasper said from beside Alice.
"I was thinking about Alice's visions. I don't want this fame to be falsified, or to come easy. I don't want the popularity of our music to be for the wrong reasons. I'm worried people will like it because of who and what we are, and not because of what we say and what it means."
Jasper nodded. "We can understand that. I agree completely. I think we should put together a CD, and while we are finishing it up, we should release a single to the radio stations and just see where things go from there. I'm sure Irina could make us an awesome booklet and even create the cover art for the CD, and Maurice could get us a few shows scheduled. He would be happy to be our manager and record producer.
"I think we should go about this 'old-fashioned' way. No MTV, no iTunes, no music videos; let the music carry its own weight through live shows and CDs. We can play small gigs and let the fans come by word-of-mouth. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. What do you think Alice?" He shifted his eyes from mine to Alice's and smiled brightly, squeezing her shoulder.
"I think that sounds perfect! I'll call Maurice to discuss our plans, and to apologize for leaving so abruptly. Jazz, how about you call Irina and ask her to start on the cover and booklet for us? Edward, put together a list of current songs you want so we can finalize the CD, and start compiling any new lyrics you've written that you think would be good additions. Oh! And start thinking of an album name!" She was practically bouncing on the couch like it was a trampoline. I smiled slightly at her antics and shook my head.
"Alright, Alice," I said softly. I lifted my head to look at Jasper. "And thank you for helping me through this. I know I'm difficult to be around. I just pray you never have to feel these emotions firsthand. So, thank you," I said. My eyes dropped down to gaze at Alice. "Both of you."
"It was our pleasure, Edward. Please, do not hesitate to come to one of us if you ever feel this way again. We would hate to think you couldn't confide in one of us. We care about you too much to lose you too. Bella will always be like a sister to me." Jasper's words touched me deeply. I nodded slowly and swallowed, unsure how to respond.
**
Friday, March 24th, 2006
I had taken to leaving the house regularly to be alone again. Every time, however, Alice would insist that I only take two days. She was worried I would make a hasty decision, and she wouldn't be nearby to stop me. We worked on our music by night, and I sought the solitude of my bedroom by day. I hadn't moved on from Bella's death, and I knew I never would, but I tried to not let it be the only thing that occupied my mind, either. Jasper helped with the grief and guilt when he was around, and I tried to push the depressing thoughts to the back of my mind to make it easier on him. I had promised myself I would write and play for her. Jasper had reminded me that it made her happy when I had played for her, and somehow, it felt like she was with me when I played now.
Alice had worked out the details with Maurice and scheduled half-a-dozen shows for us over the next three months. Most of them took place in Alaska and Northern Canada, though a few took place in Victoria. We wanted to keep our exposure close to home.
I worked on compiling a list of songs that I thought would fit the CD, but the album was a few songs short. I didn't want to include Esme's song, or the song Jasper had written for Alice; they both felt too personal. I decided that two more songs would complete the album. The eleven we had so far all seemed similar in sound, but still offered a nice variety.
"Well, Irina is working on the album artwork. She said she will get back to us in a week or so with a few different sketch-ups, and then we can decide on the final cover from there. Kate said she's looking forward to hearing the tracks, and told me to let you both know that she is willing to help with the mixing and mastering process in any way that she can. Since it is kind of her area, I figured that would be fine, but told her I would have to talk it over with both of you." Jasper looked at Alice, who was already nodding eagerly, then to me, waiting for my response.
"That's fine. We could use an outsider's opinion. I just don't want us composing when Kate is around. I wouldn't want anything to be made out of… false intentions; we know how… persuasive Kate can be with music," I said. Jasper nodded and smirked knowingly. He'd already known what my response would be.
"Maurice thinks we should play small venues for two months, for practice, and release the first single during that time. Then, we would release the CD and do a larger tour to promote it in July. We would have an opening band and merchant booth and everything! Wouldn't that be cool?" She was bouncing on her toes and nearly vibrating with excitement. I sighed and tugged at my hair in frustration.
"I thought we decided to do this 'old-fashioned'. Nothing big – the music is the focus," I argued. Or distraction, I thought.
"But it is! I'm not talking about a huge American tour like Ozzfest or anything, just a Canadian tour at smaller venues. No more than two hundred people would be at a show. Mostly, we would play at nightclubs and bars with stages for events like this. It's what underground bands are doing now when they are still struggling to get signed. There is nothing commercial about this, Edward. Trust me. I've checked." She smiled at her double meaning of the word 'checked' and reminded me of the images of us on a midsized stage.
"Alright, fine. But we will need to work out the details about the tour. I don't want fans coming up too close to us, or pictures of us to be taken. The last thing we would need is the Volturi to come down on us, or the family, due to exposure. We need to be careful about how we do this. Also, the other band you mentioned; would they be human?" I asked.
"Yeah, probably. Maurice said he doesn't have a vampire band that's signed that plays similar music right now, but he could find us a few different human bands to pick from. We would just have to be careful with interaction. Maybe put a request in for no contact between groups or something." Alice fidgeted with her fingers and scrunched up her nose at the idea. She didn't want to have to seem anti-social or rude to the other band if we could help it.
I glanced up at Jasper and quirked an eyebrow. I was worried about his control, being around so many humans at once, and on a regular basis.
"I'll be fine, Edward. You know I have changed my view on things since September," Jasper replied to my silent curiosity. I nodded and dropped it. I trusted that if he thought he would be fine, he would be. I knew he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our family, our music, or Alice.
"Well I've decided that thirteen tracks that would be a good amount for a CD, but we only have eleven I feel right using." I handed them the list. Alice looked at it as Jasper read over her shoulder. She had been so busy making calls that she hadn't seen my choices yet.
"I don't recognize the titles of some of these. Did you write these during the times you were away?" Jasper asked.
We spent the next hour discussing the songs I had chosen and the lyrics I had written when they hadn't been around. We holed ourselves up in the basement, laying down new tracks and tweaking the songs' pacing and rhythm before settling on a final version.
Jasper wrote a song based on me and my grief, and we added it to the CD. We sang it as a duet, alternating lead singers throughout the song. 'Halo' made the song list an even twelve, but we were still missing one more to meet my goal of thirteen tracks.
We played all of the songs for Kate later that month to get her opinion before recording the first demo CD for Maurice. She had suggested we promote 'A Pain That I'm Used To' as our first single, and 'The Reason' as our second. We agreed that it was a good idea and sent the CD to Maurice for feedback.
To say that Maurice 'loved it' would be an understatement. He had us lined up with an opening band, and shows across western Canada and Alaska. Maurice sent our first single to the radio stations in Alaska and all we could do was wait, and see if it was well received.
Irina came over with her final versions of album covers and booklet art. She had done a few different versions, but they all involved an anatomical heart design. She had brought her laptop to work on it while we spoke to Kate about the sound of our tracks. We picked our favorite design and layout, and let her work in solitude, heading down to the basement with her sister.
We were in the final stages of completing the CD, with the exception of the last song that had yet to be written. Kate suggested a few tweaks in the levels, and adding a few softer drum beats to help with the pacing. Her talent with music was widely known amongst our kind, and was well documented in human legends. She kept her past closely guarded, as did the other Denali sisters, but our family was well aware of the part they had played in world history and mythology. Before they came to live with Carmen and Eleazar, they preferred the sea, and the men that crossed it. The Denali sisters had not always been vegetarians.
When we left the basement and went upstairs, Emmett was sitting with Irina, looking over the work she had done on her laptop. He was completely blown away, and I could see in his mind that he had good reason to be.
She had composited a human heart in the center of the cover, with decay, bacteria, rust, and general dirt effects around the edges. The organ looked sickly with disease rotting it from the inside out, and the edges of the CD looked tainted. Across the top was our band name written in a vine-like font and colored with reds, blues and purples. It looked like human veins being twisted into vines. Through the center of the heart was an EKG line.
I smirked and turned to look at everyone else that was standing slightly behind me. They all held the same expression, their mouths were open, and their faces were locked into an expression of shock.
"Its badass, isn't it?! That's one wicked cover, my cousin. You got some skills," Emmett boomed, giving Irina a high-five. She smiled, shook her head at his praise, and turned to look at us.
"So, do you have an album title yet? I was going to put it in this bottom corner here, but I need to know the name so I know what kind of font and colors to use," she said calmly.
"Thirteen shades of gray," I spoke quickly, not even thinking to discuss it with Jasper or Alice. I turned to look at them, hoping I hadn't upset them. They were staring at me, grinning, and nodded eagerly before looking back down at the image on the screen.
"Alright, give me five more minutes, and this will be ready for your final approval." She quickly plugged the words in, and scrolled through a long list of fonts, trying out the looks of each before coming across a simple handwriting script. She tinted it and added highlights, shifting a drop shadow and placed it in the bottom right corner.
"There. Yes, no, in-between?" She turned to look at us, holding the laptop above her head from the couch. We peered over her shoulder and nodded eagerly in unison.
"I'll take that as a yes, with no objections then? Alright, I'll wrap up the booklet as soon as I get the track titles and any information you want listed, like lyrics or instruments' names and so on, and send it off to Maurice for CD production." She lowered the computer back onto her lap and got busy. Emmett sat next to her playing a video game on the Play Station while she worked.
"So, we still need one more song," I said to Alice and Jasper. Kate was leaning on the arm rest of the couch, watching us. Our first show was scheduled for the first week of April, and we wanted to have the CD in production by then so that we could release it before the main tour in July.
"I could help you with that, if you want," she offered.
"Ah, no. We're good, thanks though, Kate. This is just kind of a personal project for us. We really appreciate all of the advice and assistance you've already given us," I said politely.
"I understand. Perhaps I can just leave you with some musical inspiration then. No playing, or forcing you to do anything," she said through a grin. In her head, she began humming a fast rhythm as she walked out of the room slowly. She wandered up the stairs, still thinking of the melody, and knocked on Esme's office door. She was invited in and sat with Esme, discussing a new project for a client in Juno.
I sighed and shook my head. The rhythm was successfully stuck in my mind. The notes lingered as they swam around mixing with other beats until I had a basic song going. The words began to flow through my thoughts and I smirked.
"I think we have our last song," I said quietly to my siblings.
A/N:You can view the CD cover via a link on my profile. Enjoy!
So, transitional chapters are transitional... and sucky, I know. This is my least favorite chapter written, but it is necessary to move the story along. Keep in mind, this all happened over the time from January to April. Yes, he may appear to be moving on 'quickly' but he is keeping it inside, and trying to not hurt his family with his depression, keeping it all bottled up inside. He's hurting. His lyrics and time away from his family is proof of that, and everyone else is just trying to take the loss of Bella in stride.
So, this one didn't take as long to get out as I thought! Finals this week, so it may be a little longer for the next update, so I beg for your patience.
Song question of the chapter: What one song would you want played at your funeral, and why? -Thanks to OCDMess for this question, ;)
Reviews are lovely, and I adore getting questions, so feel free to bombard me with them! But if you don't want the answer, and you want it to be kept a mystery, don't ask. =P
Teasers for pleasers, by request! So please with reviews, and ask for a tease!