A/N: Amazing thanks to my amazing four. Especially BlahBlahBlah and OCDMess… you two have been my amazing rocks these last few weeks. Your support and opinions keep me going.

Last chapter I asked what concert you had been to, and what the band opened with. My answers: NIN – 99,999, Bjork – Intro (that faded into Earth Intruders), and Garbage – Queer with a long intro. All three were awesome, but seriously the amount of energy that Bjork's show had from right off the bat was amazing. I'm partial to NIN though, andGarbage. Garbage was one of the best shows I had ever been too, and I love (and close friends with) the band that opened for them, theSTART. Awesome shows.

For all of the exact versions, go here!:
http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/user/BeautifullySacred#grid/user/25308944FD3C95FD

Placebo - Running Up That Hill
30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
The Killers - All These Things
Evanescence - Going Under
The Cure - Pictures Of You
Evanescence - Lithium
Evanescence - Like You
A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover


Chapter 14 part I
BPOV
Friday July 28th, 2006

The whole room flooded with the sound of a digital heartbeat. A faint cheering from the crowd made me smile as I rocked on my heels to the beat. These people had never heard of us, and yet they still cheered. The stage was entirely black and I took a moment to enjoy the feeling of playing live for a few hundred people. Enjoy the night, Bella. Don't screw this up.

I pressed down on the keys, smiling at the sound they made. This was my favorite song of ours, and an eerie but fitting way to start the show. This song had been written at the start of my new life, and so this was the first song to be played for the people listening to us for the very first time. It was symbolic, but only Garrett and I would understand it.

"It doesn't hurt me," I sang quietly. The stage remained dark as I sang the rest of the line, letting the words linger on my lips. Garrett hummed into his own microphone, singing the back vocals to the song. I focused on the rhythm of the melody, and tried to ignore the words. I didn't want to let myself get distracted by the emotion of the song.

"And if I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places. Be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building," I sang louder. Two lights swept the stage quickly, illuminating the interior and exposing our silhouettes to the crowd. A red light from the back of the stage flickered to the heartbeat rhythm, subtly lighting us from behind.

The stage finally lit up during the crescendo of the song, outlining our figures entirely but not bright enough to see our eyes or skin tone clearly. As the lights swept and danced across the stage, the crowd cheered loudly, causing me to grin. The feeling of acceptance was amazing as I stood on the stage, pouring my heart out.

We faded the song out, and they cheered louder, clapping and hollering. I glanced at Garrett and saw that he was watching me with the biggest smile I had seen on his face since we had accepted to join the tour. He nodded at the keyboard, and I knew he was telling me to keep going.

We moved right into the next song, The Kill, without stopping. The stage remained lit, but all of the lighting was coming from the sides or the back, keeping us in a cloud of mystery. We played the first verse and I remembered the first time I had sung these words out loud. Look at how much has changed. Look at how far you've come. The song was more energetic than the first time we had played it, and I found it was liberating to be screaming on stage rather than crying on a window-sill.

"Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me! All I wanted was you!" I screamed into the microphone.

"I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change. I know now, this is who I really am inside. Finally found myself, fighting for a chance. I know now…" Garrett sang. He glanced at me as he leaned into the microphone.

"This is who I really am!" we both screamed in unison. I sank to my knees near the center of the stage.

"Ohh, ohh!" I sang over the guitar. Garrett mimicked me in a different pitch. I looked out at the crowd and saw them screaming along with us. They may not know the words, but they could sing the repetitive parts with ease. I jumped up to my feet and finished the song with a grin.

This was a whole new experience, and I wasn't shy at all. Maybe it was the dark stage, letting the audience accept us before they could see us, or maybe it was because of all of the smaller shows we'd played at coffee shops and the vampire club. Either way, I left the shy Bella behind and embraced the freedom and comfort that singing had brought me.

"Thank you," I said at the end of the song. The crowd was hollering and clapping once again. I waited for them to die down, soaking in the experience.

"We are Beautifully Sacred, and we are so excited to be here tonight. We want to say thank you to Virulent Disease for letting us tag along last minute, and thank all of you for coming to listen tonight." I spoke confidently, with my head up.

"This is Phoenix, and I'm Garrett. This next song is called Bring Me To Life. We hope that you guys enjoy it; we plan on it being our first single when our CD is released," Garrett said.

I nodded and headed to the keyboard near the center of the stage. I only had to play the first few notes before I could press the programmer to play the rest of the song. Occasionally I would have to fade a piece in or press another button, but for the most part, all of our songs were pre-programmed and mixed with live vocals and guitar.

The lights dimmed and I took a deep breath. This song was one of our most energetic, and always got a crowd going when we played it. I played the familiar melody on the keys and sang the opening line of the song. I took the microphone off the stand and pressed the button on the keyboard just before the chorus.

"Call my name and save me from the dark!" I let my voice linger on the last note.

My new vocal range was incredible, and I enjoyed singing more than I thought I ever would. If someone would have told me last year that I would be comfortable singing on stage, I would have laughed in their face. I resolved myself to thinking that my past was my past. I couldn't live an eternity afraid and uncomfortable in my own skin. I enjoyed playing with Garrett and I was quickly learning that I really enjoyed playing in front of an audience who was enjoying the music.

"Frozen inside, without your touch, without your love, darling. Only you are the life among the dead!" I held the note until my lungs were out of air. The crowd screamed and cheered as Garrett began his vocal piece. The crowd was jumping around to the beat and seemed to be really into the music.

I walked across the stage to Garrett as I sang my lines between his. He turned to the side, putting his back to me, and I leaned back towards him, resting my head against his spine. I enjoyed the comfort of his touch during a lot of our songs. He helped to keep me connected to who I was and stay grounded.

I slid down his back, balancing on my toes, as I screamed the lyrics of the chorus and closed my eyes. As we were finishing the song, I stretched back up, opening my eyes as the crowd began to cheer. I looked over my shoulder at Garrett, smiling like a little girl in a puppy store. I tried to show him my happiness silently before I walked back to the keyboard.

"Thank you," I said over the roars of the audience, still smiling to myself. "This next song was the last one we wrote, so it's still a bit new to us. For any of you out there that have ever felt rejected, or made a fool of, this song is for you. This is called Call Me When You're Sober."

I wrote these lyrics last month when I was going over the events of Edward leaving in my head for the millionth time. It finally clicked that I should be callous, spiteful, or livid; but not depressed. He had told me he loved me and played me like a fiddle. Poor, emotional, naïve Bella. I was a passing fad in his life; a meaningless distraction in his existence. I felt used.

I used to imagine him returning to me a million different ways. The last time I let myself imagine his return, I wrote this song. I pictured him crawling back to me, heartbroken and sobbing that he'd never meant what he said. It was so easy to feel anger towards an imaginary situation, so I took advantage of it. I didn't let myself linger on the thought of how I would honestly react if I ever did see him again, however. The reality of it ever happening, while possible, wasn't very likely.

I pressed the keys and let my voice carry throughout the room. "Don't cry to me. If you loved me, you would be here with me. You want me, come find me. Make up your mind." I lingered on the last word. I took a deep breath just as Garrett began the heavy guitar melody. He enjoyed playing this song a lot. He said it pleased him that I was finally thinking clearly about Edward Cullen. I think he just secretly enjoyed playing such a heavy guitar song.

I sang from the keyboard as I played and when the song ended, I chuckled softly into the microphone. The crowd had gotten louder after each song and I wondered how many people would be asking us about our CD.

"Alright, this next one is an old one. Garrett actually wrote it before we ever met, and I'll just be accompanying him. It's called All These Things."

"When there's nowhere else to run, is there room for one more son? One more son. If you can't hold on… If you can't hold on, hold on," Garrett spoke softly into the microphone. He strummed the guitar softly letting a single note echo throughout the building. The entire crowd had grown eerily quiet. I began playing on the keyboard as Garrett continued the melody on the guitar and the crowd cheered.

I hadn't learned very much about Garrett's past, but he did tell me about the meanings behind his songs. He told me about his time with the Volturi, but didn't go into the specifics of how he came to work with them, or what he did. He said he was looking for a reason or purpose for his existence. He had struggled with taking human life for a few years, and when he was finally able to leave the Volturi, he wrote this song. He felt the path he had been on was that of a soldier, constantly fighting in wars and never knowing which side truly deserved to win, or was right.

Just before his freedom was granted, he'd discovered he wanted to see the world, and experience all of the different things life had to offer a human in a lifetime. Every sixty years he would lead a different life and enjoy the frivolity of the experience. He learned to enjoy what was given to him and to never forget the things he had done and witnessed. He never went into detail as to what those things were, but I always got the feeling that they were pretty dark and gruesome.

I pulled my focus back to the song and realized we were close to the bridge. I smiled, glanced at Garrett, and nodded when he met my gaze.

We slowed the song down in tempo until it faded out with just a light strum of his guitar playing.

I leaned into the microphone and began to clap my hands above my head.

"I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier…" Garrett sang out.

"Sing with us!" I said during his pause, still clapping above my head.

Garrett repeated the line and the audience sang with him and clapped along.

I leaned into the microphone and joined in as well. The sound of the audience singing along with us was amazing. The clapping echoed throughout the room while the chanting grew louder and the music tempo picked up.

The audience didn't know when they were supposed to stop repeating the line, so when Garrett and I held the word "soldier" and began to play faster the crowd laughed at messing up the line and began to cheer instead. I chuckled softly and smiled as I tapped my foot to the tempo. When the song broke into the full melody once again, I rocked my head back and forth to the beat, enjoying the energy coursing through me. I swayed back and forth as I continued to play the keyboard until the song finished.

"Thank you!" Garrett said with a giant grin. "You guys were great, just don't take our jobs!"

The audience laughed and cheered at his comment. I situated the microphone on the stand at the keyboard before walking to the center of the stage. I removed the microphone and turned away from the audience. The stage went black and I took a deep breath.

"Now I will tell you what I've done for you. Fifty-thousand tears I've cried," I sang through a deeper voice than our other songs. This was the turning point in the show that marked the harder lyrics for me to perform. I wanted low lights and a strong song to transition into the last half of our set.

Garrett played a lush, heavy guitar through a distortion pedal as I sang. "Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you. And you still won't hear me…" I took a deep breath, gasping into the microphone as I stepped on a pedal to distort my voice. "Going under!" The last word echoed through the distortion as a red hue came up from behind us and spot lights swept across the stage quickly. I tapped the pedal again to turn it off and walked to the keyboard, my back to the audience.

I clicked off the microphone in my hand and set it beside the keyboard as I leaned into the one on the stand. I played the notes on the keyboard and tried to ignore the pain rising in my chest. This song was my reminder to not let myself sink into a constant state of despair. I pushed away the memories and pain that threatened to overwhelm me and screamed out the lyrics with spite and determination.

I fought during the entire song to hold onto my shield and not let my emotions pull me away from my concentration. I focused on holding notes longer than ever, and hitting the same pitch every time I repeated the chorus. I ignored Garrett and the audience entirely. It wasn't until the song was over and I took a deep breath, that I noticed everyone was staring. I took another moment to swallow the venom in my mouth before speaking to the crowd.

"These last four songs are really personal for me, so I hope you guys enjoy them. You also get to witness my atrocious guitar skills." I smiled out at the audience as they laughed.

Garrett brought me the acoustic guitar and set a stool in the center of the stage. I returned the microphone to the stand and switched it back on. Garrett brought another stool out and moved his own microphone stand to rest in front of it. He nodded at me with a soft smile. He knew this was the point of the show he had to watch me closely. From here on, I could easily lose control of my emotions, and breakdown. While I probably wouldn't hurt anyone, it would definitely make a spectacle of us, and possibly give Maurice or the venue some grief.

I took a deep breath, focused on my shield, and pressed a button on the keyboard. A soft, wind-chime noise rang throughout the room as I walked back to take a seat on the stool. Garrett played the lead guitar and I played the rhythm.

I closed my eyes and focused on keeping myself grounded as I played. I let the feeling of the strings vibrating against my fingers lull my nerves. I swayed back and forth to the music and smiled softly to myself.

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real."

The acoustic sound of the song seemed to calm the audience and they all grew quiet. I opened my eyes and saw them watching our silhouettes closely as they swayed to the music with us. I wasn't as fond of the guitar as I was the piano, but this song fit the soft melody of strings better, and served as a calming song for me. I tried to stay focused on my playing, not wanting to screw up the song, but when I reached the middle, the lyrics struck me harder than before.

"Remembering you, falling into my arms, crying for the death of your heart. You were stone-white, so delicate, so lost in the cold. You were always so lost in the dark…" I choked back a sob as Edward's face flashed in my mind. Garrett shot me a quick glance, causing me to notice that my shield had faded slightly. I took a deep breath and focused on solidifying it once again.

I was puzzled for a moment when a distinct feeling of calm washing over me. I didn't understand where it was coming from, but when I felt my shield settle at its normal strength, it disappeared. Interesting, I thought.

We finished the song with no more mishaps, and I found myself looking up, thanking the ceiling. Garrett kept a close eye on me as I returned to the keyboard for the next song. He knew these last three songs were tough, and they would only get continually harder.

"Alright, these will be our last three songs of the night. I just wanted to take the time now to say thank you to everyone for coming out here tonight. You guys have been amazing. Also, thank you to Virulent Disease for letting us tag along. These last few songs are about the pain of losing something you thought you would always have. Sometimes life doesn't go the way we planned and we are left to pick up the pieces. Never take love for granted…" I swallowed and took a shallow breath. "We are Beautifully Sacred and thanks again," I said in a somber tone.

The lights dimmed once more. Two soft spotlights came on over the keyboard and Garrett's spot of the stage. I took another deep breath and pressed down on the keys.

"Lithium… don't want to lock me up inside. Lithium… don't want to forget how it feels, without lithium… I want to stay in love with my sorrow. Oh… but God, I want to let it go." I took another deep breath as the sound from Garrett's guitar rang throughout the room loudly. The music felt like it was coming alive, taking on a life of its own. I closed my eyes and played the melody on the keyboard by heart as I sang.

I hit the higher notes, focusing on the mechanics of playing and singing. I fought back sobs as I remembered writing the song with Garrett in the Cullens' house. Music was an outlet for my emotions after Edward left, but so was cutting. I wanted to understand what had driven him away from me. I know looking back at my actions that they made little to no sense and were incredibly foolish and irresponsible, but somehow, I rationalized it back then; I had to. I'd felt so alone, and I had been completely broken.

When I reached the last verse, I felt myself slip. I couldn't find the energy to hide in my mind, behind my shield during the middle of the song.

"And in the end I guess I had to fall. Always find my place among the ashes. I can't hold on to me, wonder what's wrong with me?" I sang loudly. I felt my chest ache as the memories of cutting while staring out my window flooded my mind. I took a shaky breath before singing the last chorus, trying to hold onto my shield and not let it fade any further.

As the song finished, Garrett watched me closely. I could feel his eyes on me as I calmed myself with deep breaths. I forced the strong emotions away, and strengthened my shield around myself. I checked for the connection to Garrett, ensuring he was protected as well. It's only harder from here, I told myself. Like You was next, and I was finally beginning to doubt my resolve to make it through this set.

The crowd cheered as the next song began. Garrett played a haunting rhythm on the guitar that was quick, but soft. The entire song felt like it was laced with sadness and loss. I tried to smile and pay attention to the sound of our music being filtered through the large amplifiers around the stage, but a smile just wouldn't come.

I sang the somber song, holding onto my focus for as long as I could. When I reached the bridge, however, I lost all sense of control.

"I'm coming for you… you're not alone. No matter what they told you …" I whispered quietly and took a deep breath. I shook slightly and screamed out the next line. "You're not alone! I'll be right beside you forevermore!" I felt a wave of pain crash against my chest. It felt familiar, but also vaguely different. It didn't feel like it was entirely my pain. I gasped as I tried to pull myself back together for the end of the song, but my shield was nearly entirely faded and I couldn't ignore the burning ache in my chest where my heart was.

I managed to glance at Garrett with pleading eyes, but he looked like he was feeling a similar pain, and had a confused expression mixed with agony. I took gasping breaths as we finished the song and the lights went dark.

Garrett didn't play the last song with me, but before we'd even started the show, he'd insisted that he stay nearby as I played. He knew the last song was the most difficult for me, and argued with me about even performing it in the first place.

I hesitated, contemplating finishing the show with the song or not, but as I managed to strengthen my shield through focused breaths, I felt better about continuing. I doubted I would make it through the entire song with my shield fully intact, but if I could just make it through the song, then I would feel victorious.

The crowd grew anxious and whispered as they waited for me to start the last song.

"You don't have to play it, Little-Bit. Let's just play One-hundred Suns and call it a night; you've done amazing. I won't think any less of you," Garrett whispered.

I shook my head and took one last deep breath. "I can do this," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if Garrett heard me. He took a few steps back so he wouldn't be in the spotlight when it came on.

With a slight hesitation, I pressed down on the keys. I repeated the notes and a quiet cheering and applause came from the crowd.

"Your... fingertips across my skin… the palm trees swaying in the wind…" I sang slowly and quietly. "Images…" I closed my eyes and Edward's smile filled my mind.

"You sang me Spanish lullabies… the sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick." His fingers danced across the piano in my mind and I smiled sadly.

"Well I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me…" I took in a deep breath and opened my eyes. "Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you; can't you just let me be?"

I finished the chorus, refusing to let myself feel the pain again. I played a bit faster for the second verse, pushing past the words that reminded me of when he had left me with a somber kiss goodbye and never looked back. He wasn't mine to miss, but my heart still left with him that day.

I began trembling as I felt anguish rising up in my chest. I screamed out the bridge with so much pain I knew my shield had slipped. I could feel Garrett tugging at my core to stop singing, but I refused to let him sway me. I could feel him force me harder and harder with every word, and I continued to fight against him; my emotions pushing the words out, and my fingers trembling as they danced over the keys.

"So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine… did I make it that easy to walk right in and out… of my life…" I said the words through my sobs. I pressed down on the keys, playing the chorus but I didn't sing the words. A foreign feeling of pain burned through me stronger than earlier as I cried silently at the keyboard under the spotlight. The memories of losing everyone I cared about raced through my mind. I saw my endless tears, and terrifying dreams that woke me up, screaming in the middle of the night. My memories flashed by so quickly, it reminded me of when I was changed.

I pressed the keys down strongly as I played through the chorus once more, this time actually singing the words. My voice was laced with sadness and pain as I whispered the words.

"I should've known you'd bring me heartache… almost lovers always do…" My words were barely audible, let alone understandable through my sobs.

I felt wetness roll down my cheeks as I played the last note. The spotlight faded out, leaving me in complete darkness. Garrett's arms were wrapped around me tightly as he pulled me against his chest, cradling me in his arms and carrying me off stage in the blink of an eye. I was panicking, and I couldn't catch my breath as he flew down the hallway.

We passed a figure in the hallway that gasped, and the panicked feeling turned into shock and concern. I sobbed louder with my face buried into Garrett's chest. The door clicked behind us as he lowered us onto the ground.

He lifted my chin with his finger, pleading with me to look at him. I was so worried he was upset with me for letting him down; I shook my head and refused to grant him his request.

"Please, Little-Bit, just look at me," he pleaded.

Slowly, I pulled my face away from his shoulder and looked up at him through my lashes. He pulled himself away from me to get a good look. His hand reached up to my face and he pressed his thumb under my eye. He wiped at the skin and the wetness I had felt earlier smeared, causing him to gasp.

"You're crying…" he mumbled, surprised and worried at the same time.

My eyes grew wide and my hand flew to my other cheek. I wiped my fingertips just below my eye and gasped as my tears brushed against my skin.

"What's wrong with me?" I said, panicked.

"Nothing!" he said quickly. "Nothing is wrong with you… just… are you okay? Are you physically hurt anywhere?" He began shifting my weight on his knees and looking for any sign of injury. His actions made little sense, but I knew he was just worried and didn't know what else to do.

"No, I'm… well, I'm not fine… but I'm not physically hurt." I shook my head and took a shaky breath before pressing my face into his shoulder again. "I'm so sorry Garrett. I shouldn't have played it… I'm so sorry… I let you down…" I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, not wanting to let him push me away when he realized how upset he should be with me.

Instead of pushing me away, he wrapped his arms around me tighter. He kissed the top of my head and sighed deeply. "I'm not upset with you, Little-Bit. I'm just worried about you. We don't have to stay. We can leave if you want. We don't have to play the rest of the shows."

There was a quick knock at the door that startled me. The person jiggled the handle when they tried to open it and discovered it was locked. A high pitched voice called out through the door.

"Excuse me, but your gear is still on stage. You need to clear the stage for the headlining band please," the voice said.

"Alright, one second please!" Garrett called out in a growl. He pulled away from me and lifted my chin. "Hey," he said softly.

I looked up at him sadly and nodded. "It's okay. I'll wait here and work on bringing my shield back to full strength, if that's okay?"

He nodded and smiled down at me. He kissed the top of my head again and slid me off of his lap. The door clicked behind him and I took a deep breath. The events of the evening finally sank in as I tried to smile.

"I sang live. I sang my songs live and in front of a larger crowd than ever before," I said out loud to myself. Somehow this made it all seem more real. I rubbed my eyes and gasped at the wetness that still lingered on my eyelashes. "And I cried…" I said, realizing that once again I had cried tears of sorrow over Edward Cullen.

A/N: Alright, some announcements, so please read?

Got questions about the fic or for me in general? Want to share ideas or guesses with me, but don't want to leave it as a review? I have formspring, so feel free to poke me there about anything! Seriously, I'm an open book, and I love questions.

http://www (dot) formspring (dot) me/Ailisraevyn

The faithful shippers voting for round 2 is going on right now (ends Saturday, April 17th) check it out!

http://thefaithfulshipperawards (dot) webs (dot) com/vote (dot) htm
Whomever the awesome person was that nominated Beautifully Sacred for Best AU, you seriously are awesome. I'm still blushing; thank you!

Check out my profile for the links to Bella's necklace, images, side notes, and my other story I've started. It's an AH, inspired by books and movie quotes, and features MemorylossWard.

All of the chapters for Beautifully Sacred that involve music have been organized by chapter, and in order of appearance on my youtube station. Check it out. (There is even the songs up for the NEXT 5 chapters, if you feel like getting a sneak peak at what is to come!)

http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/user/BeautifullySacred

I've also had some requests about my other music interests. You can find my music station on last fm:

http://www (dot) last (dot) fm/user/Ailisraevyn

Song question for the chapter: Ever been to a live show or seen a show on TV/DVD where the performer does something outrageous? What song, and what show and why did you chose that one to mention?