A/N: Amazing thanks to my fantastic four.
Two updates in one week?! Holy fanfic, Batman! That's insane! Well, it gets better. MLB is updating tomorrow too! Be very appeased, my sweets! All for you.
Last chapter I asked what song performed live had something outrageous happen. My epic wall of text answer: I saw Garbage perform at the Hard Rock Café in Las Vegas a few years ago. Shirley was so drunk by the end of the show, she pulled an audience member up on stage who just found out she had cancer, shaved her head for her to donate to locks of love, and then played her requested song .
She then started taking requests from the audience in the front row. When they started requesting obscure, unpopular songs, she asked a security guard to get her the big binders that were in their backstage room. They brought out her LYRIC BOOKS and sang from them.
She was so drunk, she got lost in her songs, and forgot how some of them went. It was an AMAZING show, and absolutely hilarious. She also sang/danced with one of my friends, Aimee Echo, from the opening band theSTART during "Only Happy When It Rains", which was awesome.
You can hear all of the specific songs chosen for this chapter here:
http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/user/BeautifullySacred#grid/user/B46004B78B8E557D
Papa Roach - Take Me
Depeche Mode - A Pain That I'm Used To
Depeche Mode - Halo
Linkin Park - What I've Done
30 Seconds to Mars - Was It A Dream
Hinder - Better Than Me
Our Lady Peace - 4AM
Hoobastank - The Reason
Superpitcher - Fever
Stacie Orrico - Dear Friend
Linkin Park - Shadow Of The Day
Boyce Avenue - Apologize
Chapter 14 part II.
EPOV
Friday July 28th, 2006
The first time we were all filled with excruciating pain was during Beautifully Sacred's second-to-last song. I had thought that maybe Jane from the Volturi had somehow found us and I began to panic. When we all realized it was Jasper, we were shocked. He had said that he couldn't control it; the emotions coming from the stage were so strong and he didn't have any warning to prepare for it. It had taken him decades of practice to learn to refrain from projecting the emotions he felt onto others, so when he said he couldn't control it, I knew something was wrong. I had never felt such an overwhelming pain before. Well, I had, but it was my own emotional pain, not someone else's.
Later, during the set, I caught glimpses of fresh wounds and bleeding in someone's mind, but Jasper had still been heavily affecting us all with painful emotions, so I couldn't really focus on them.
The last time we were all overwhelmed with pain during Beautifully Sacred's set, we were brought to our knees. I couldn't even search the minds around me because the feeling Jasper was releasing was so intense. Alice was next to Jasper, shaking him and trying to get him to stop as he shook on the floor, sobbing. The extreme pain rolling off of him seemed to fade when the music from the stage stopped, and I cautiously got to my feet. Before I could even open my mouth to speak, Jasper was at the door.
"I'm fine, stay here," he said quickly, closing the door behind him.
I watched through his mind as a tall, reddish-blond, male vampire carried a small female in his arms to their room at the end of the hall. She had long, red-brown hair and was shaking. The male looked absolutely terrified.
'Oh my God… she looks completely broken,' Jasper thought, gasping in the hallway. He watched them as they passed and entered their room at the opposite end of the hall.
We were all overcome with shock and worry as he came back inside the room. I tried to listen to the voices down the hall, but I couldn't make out any words. The rooms were rather padded and I couldn't read either of their minds.
"Jasper, what happened?" Alice asked as she rushed to his side, wrapping her arms around him.
"That girl, the singer, she… she's been overcome by the strongest grief and sorrow I have ever felt. Sometimes she was easy to feel and then at other times it felt like she was numb; I guess she finally just lost it. I could feel vague impressions of happiness, excitement, or confidence some of the time. Other times I could sense sadness, longing, or regret. A few times she even went through anger and vindication, but they were short lived. Her emotions always felt filtered, though. I've never felt emotions so muted before. Then later in the set, I was overcome with incredible sadness and pain, but I was able to keep it from manipulating anyone else. I even sent her a wave of calm a few times. It seemed to help, but…" He shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck.
I sighed and looked down at the ground. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell them about the issues I've experienced with this band before. "There is something off about her. I talked with Carlisle about it before and—"
"Wait, you talked to Carlisle about her and didn't tell us? This could be part of my visions, Edward! What happened?" Alice asked, interrupting me.
"The day Maurice asked us to play last minute for him, Beautifully Sacred had played thirty minutes prior. They had already left by the time we got there, but I could hear in everyone's thoughts that they were good. However, it was weird because while I could hear their thoughts clearly, I couldn't see the images clearly. Everything was blurry like it was being processed through a filter. The male came in clearer, but I still couldn't see any defining features. I asked Maurice about them and he said she was a newborn, and that they shared our diet. When he thought about their performance, everything became blurry again," I explained.
"Wait, so you knew they shared our diet when they were added to the tour, and you still didn't want to have any contact with them? Why, Edward?" Jasper asked.
"Because when I discussed the issue with Carlisle and he had never heard of such a thing, he called Eleazar who also had never come across a talent like that. They know of talents that can block other talents with their presence, but nothing that ever affected a person after they had left. It really worries me."
"That would fit my visions then. It's like the girl has a filter that blocks out anything about her," Alice said.
"Except for her emotions; I still get vague impressions of those, though sometimes they knock me on my ass. I think she's a shield. A mental shield is really rare, but it could fit," Jasper said.
"It sounds a lot like…" Alice started, but stopped when my head snapped up to look at her.
"She's dead, Alice. Mental shields have existed before, and this isn't just blocking out thoughts, you can't read anything around her either, but you could with Bella," I argued.
I small part of me wished that it was Bella, but the other part of me would never wish this life on her. I tried to piece everything together, taking it all in from different angles. First there was Bella's scent. I would never forget the smell of her blood, or her hair. The scents in the hallway were familiar, but also different. Bella always smelled of strawberries and freesias, but lately I'd smelled a cedar and freesia undertone around Beautifully Sacred. I knew that vampires could have similar scents, but you would have to be an excellent tracker in order to distinguish certain scents from others.
Then there was the odd scent in Bella's room when she died. It smelled heavily of musk, and smoke, and it was nothing I had smelled before. Also, Bella could only block me out. Alice saw her future on multiple occasions, and Jasper never had a problem sensing or manipulating her emotions. This band eluded Alice and I, as well as made things difficult for Jasper. Perhaps it was a combination of both of their gifts. Maybe one was a mental shield, and the other one filtered talents around them. We had never been around either of them separately, so it was entirely possible. Or, perhaps one of them had the ability to absorb, or nullify talents used on them, and just worked better on certain gifts.
"Maybe they both have a talent that when combined, is making things difficult for all three of us. I can't think of anything else that really fits. Why do you think you can't see our future tonight though? That's what is bothering me the most," I said.
"Perhaps something they do will interfere with our show. Our last three songs get kind of hazy, but it's the last song that goes entirely black and foggy," she explained.
"Five minutes!" a voice called from the door.
"Well, let's just play a good show and keep our eyes open," Jasper said.
We all nodded and exited the room. When we got to the stage, the male from Beautifully Sacred was still unloading his gear. He seemed really out of it. Jasper glanced at me, concerned, silently confirming my suspicions. I knew we had arranged to not have contact with the other band, but I thought it would be polite to show our concern for his band member.
"Hey man, you played a great show. Is your band mate alright? We were concerned," Jasper said quietly as we stepped onto the stage.
The male looked up quickly with panic in his eyes and swallowed, nodding. "Yeah, she'll be okay. Thanks for asking. I'm sorry our gear is still up here; I was concerned about getting her to our room, and I completely forgot about clearing the stage. I'll just be a moment." He looked at each of us quickly, taking in a deep breath. He seemed extremely cautious, but I couldn't hear his thoughts to understand why.
"It's fine. We can help, if you would like?" I offered.
He looked me in the eyes for a long moment before nodding. "Sure, thanks."
"No problem. The name is E. This is A, and J," I said, waving my hand towards Alice and Jasper.
"No full names, just initials huh? I understand. I'm Garrett," he said as he shook my hand. He eyed me curiously, taking steady breaths. He turned and shook Jasper's hand as well, then bowed his head toward Alice as she waved. "The other half of the band is Phoenix. She isn't very social… she has been through a lot this past year." He watched me closely as he said the last sentence.
Something was entirely off about him. I took in a steady breath and he smelled familiar. It was similar to the scent back in the hallway, but slightly different, woodsier.
"We understand. We're just glad to have you on tour with us," Jasper said as carried the keyboard off the stage.
"Yeah, it's nice to not have to put up a façade for once," Alice said as she wrapped the cables quicker than humanly possible with a smirk.
Garrett chuckled and nodded. I walked to the side where we had put our small piano and lifted it with Jasper to the center of the stage. It was dark enough that we didn't have to worry about suspicious looks from the audience or security. Garrett stopped and stared at us as we placed the piano in the center of the stage.
"You guys use a piano?" he asked slowly, not looking away from the ivory keys.
I turned to study his expression and attempt to read his thoughts, but everything was still fuzzy. This filter thing was getting frustrating; he was harder to read than Charlie. "Yeah, I play piano and occasionally bass. A plays the box-drum and mixer, and J is on the guitar. We process a lot of our songs, like you, but we prefer the sound of the piano."
"B-Phoenix does too. We would be using a piano if we had room to store it, and a way to transport it," Garrett said.
"She could use ours," I said. Alice glanced at me with a giant grin before turning back to hook up the mixer.
"Oh, I… well… thank you. I'll let her know. I'm sure that will make her very happy. She hasn't gotten to play a piano since she had to leave home," he said, faintly smiling.
I nodded and continued to set up our gear. I wondered what he meant about her having to leave home. I didn't want to push their privacy, so I saved the question for another day. Maybe we wouldn't need to be distant from Garrett and Phoenix after all. I turned to examine what was left to set up as Garrett was hooking up cords and taping down cables.
"You don't have to stay and help us set up," I said.
"It's okay. I made you guys late getting started, it's the least I can do," he said, shrugging.
"Thank you." I turned to look for Jasper and Alice. "You guys ready?"
Jasper was taping the set-list to the amplifier at the front of the stage. Garrett watched him with a confused expression. I chuckled and nodded towards Jasper. "He's taping down our set-list. After playing with… normal bands for so long, we picked up habits that help us appear more like your average band. We've also found that fans ask for them at the end of a show on occasion."
Garrett nodded and smiled. "I see. That makes sense, I guess. We'll have to pay more attention to other performances so we don't stand out. Well, have a great show. I'll be back in my room with Phoenix."
We each waved goodbye and exchanged glances once Garrett was gone.
'Did you get anything from him? He seemed just as closed off as the girl, but much more controlled,' Jasper said silently.
I shook my head and nodded towards the crowd. They were cheering and growing impatient. We were seven minutes late, and it could cost us a song if we weren't careful. "Ready?" I asked Jasper and Alice in a low whisper. They both nodded and grinned.
I took a deep breath and walked to the center of the stage. I put my hands around the microphone stand and leaned forward as Jasper played the opening cords to Take Me. I focused on my performance façade and tried not to let my thoughts break my concentration.
"Take me… and let me in. Don't break me… and shut me out," I sang. The lights flashed and swept across the stage dramatically. This song always got the crowd jumping, and it was a great way to open the show. I repeated the line one more time as the full song exploded with heavy chords and loud drum beats.
The crowd was screaming the lyrics back at me as they jumped to the beat. It really hit me how well we had done for ourselves in that instant. While the crowd was enthusiastic and cheered for the first two bands, they were here to see us and they made sure that we knew it.
"This is just a story of a broken soul!" I sang with a grin across my lips as the whole room seemed to move to the beat. I grabbed the microphone off the stand and ran to the edge of the stage for the chorus. The lights swept across the stage again before flashing behind us in various shades of green and blue.
"As days go by, my heart grows cold. I can't seem to let this all pass me by! So take me!" I held the microphone out to the audience as they screamed the last two words back at me. I grinned wider and pulled the microphone back. "And let me in! Don't break me," I screamed as Jasper and the crowd sang the last three words back at me.
I walked backwards quickly until I was even with Jasper. I leaned down into a crouch as I sang the next verse. I put the meaning behind the lyrics out of my mind and just tried to enjoy the energy radiating in the room. I ran across the stage at the end of the chorus and jumped up on top of the amplifier at the edge of the stage. I was ten feet away from the audience, leaning over the guard rail. The security guard panicked, afraid that I might fall, but I balanced on the edge as the song quieted down.
"Sing with me." I held the microphone out to the audience as I walked along the thin guard rail at the edge of the stage.
"Does anyone around me feel the same? Put your fists up and vent your pain!" I screamed at the crowd. Every mouth seemed to be open and screaming along with me. The energy was palpable and I grinned wider as the song grew louder. I jumped back onto the stage two feet away and ran to Jasper as he played the guitar lines with passion. We finished the last chorus, singing in unison with the crowd. Alice let the ending fade out as I sang the last few words over the cheering of the audience.
"Thank you! We are Virulent Disease, and you guys are awesome!" I said to the audience with a grin. "I want to just take a moment and say thank you to Day After and Beautifully Sacred for playing with us tonight."
"Alright, I think you all know this next one, so show us what you're made of!" Jasper said quickly, causing the crowd to scream louder.
I loved the feeling of being on stage. The confidence and energy it gave me made me feel alive again. I had written all of these songs for Bella, and I sang them at each show with the same passion and love I wished I could have shown her.
The familiar electric noise flooded the room as the crowd screamed in recognition. The lights had dimmed to a pulsating green hue in the back of the stage. As the electric noise faded out, spotlights swept across the stage and up towards the ceiling. The familiar beat had me swaying to the rhythm as I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.
I sang the first line of A Pain That I'm Used To and was overwhelmed by the sound of the entire room singing it along with me. By the chorus, the crowd was singing the words almost louder than we were and it brought a grin to my face. I sang one line and let them finish the rest. At the end of the chorus, they all screamed as the electronic sound reverberated throughout the room.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts before the next verse. It always affected me the strongest, and how I dealt with it would change the entire feeling of the song. I swallowed the venom in my mouth and leaned into the microphone above the keyboard.
"I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real. No mistaking the faking, I care…" I sang as I focused on the audience. I pushed the feelings of regret and solitude away and sang the next line. It was hard for me to perform all the lyrics without breaking down, but I did it to remind myself of everything that had happened.
Phoenix crossed my mind briefly as I remembered Garrett saying she'd had a bad year. Their songs seemed hard on her as well and a lot of her lyrics seemed incredibly personal. Several of her words mimicked my own emotions of loss, solitude, and grief, and I found myself wondering throughout their show what her story was.
We finished the song and played Halo directly afterwards without stopping. It was one of our less popular songs, and most of the audience just swayed to the music and watched the performance. Jasper and I shared the vocals and we even had the audience sing us one of the last few repeats of the chorus. The song meant a lot to me because Jasper had written a lot of the lyrics for me.
Alice was adjusting sliders and pressing buttons with a huge grin on her face. She was always so focused when playing our more technical songs. She insisted it was great to not have to be a part of the spotlight, but more of the core of a song. She truly did make up seventy-five percent of the music, leaving just the guitar and occasional piano melodies for Jasper and I. He and I found it surprising that she didn't want to be the main attraction of the band. I never particularly sought it, but being the lead seemed to come naturally for me. Most of the lyrics were mine, and I preferred to perform them how I envisioned them being sung. While the songs were difficult to get through, I felt comfortable for once in my existence being in the spotlight.
We finished Halo and I walked to the piano to take a seat. The crowd began cheering as I rolled my shoulders and looked over at Jasper and Alice. We had decided to change the sound of What I've Done for the album, which made playing it live a bit more interesting. I played the piano intro to the song, leaning into the keys as my fingers made the melody flow through the room.
Alice rocked to the beat of the intro. Her mind was racing over the funeral months prior. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore her thoughts as Jasper strummed the guitar hard, signaling the shift into the song. The entire crowd began jumping up and down to the beat as the rest of the instruments joined the song.
"In this farewell..." I whispered into the microphone.
My hands danced over the keys as I swayed on the bench, pressing into each note heavily. I had so many regrets; I wished I could change the events that had plagued me constantly. I lost myself in the song as I sang about my guilt and remorse. The crowd was jumping up and down in rhythm with the song, and screaming the words back at me. They sounded like they were pleading for forgiveness right along with me. Alice's mind continued to run through the past and how she could have done something differently.
"For what I've done!" I growled, shooting a pointed look at my sister. She looked up and swallowed, nodding. She understood that her thoughts were getting to me, and poured more focus into the song, beating the rhythm on the box-drum harder. Jasper sang the backing vocals as the song came to an end.
"Forgiving what I've done…" I sang, letting the words linger as the music faded.
The lights dimmed until the stage was pitch-black once again. The cheering of the crowd softened as a rumble of thunder came from the speakers.
I stood from the piano bench and walked to the center of the stage. Alice had begun the drum beat and I closed my eyes, swaying to the melody. I leaned into the microphone, tipping the stand backwards as I nodded to the guitar rhythm coming from Jasper. By the time the crowd realized it was Was It A Dream, I had already sung the first line. We had changed the style of the song for live performances to make it easier on Alice to play.
"My intentions never change, what I want still says the same… and I know what I should do, it's time to set myself on fire." I grabbed the microphone from off of the stand and walked towards the edge of the stage. I crouched down and hung my head. "Was it a dream? Was it a dream?" I sang, choking back my sobs. I let the audience sing the next line as I took a shaky breath.
'Come on, Edward. We're half way done,' Jasper thought.
I nodded and stood up, looking out at the crowd. I tried to focus on being on stage and playing, but my mind kept drifting to Bella.
"Believe me when I say goodbye… forever is for good…" I wrapped my free arm around my torso, and dug my nails into my side. Hold yourself together.
I could feel Jasper sending me waves of calm and contentment, and I held onto it.
We finished the song on a somber note as the thunder effect crashed through the room once more. There was a long pause before the cheering from the crowd began and the stage went dark once more.
I walked back toward Jasper as he held out the acoustic guitar for me. I took it and grabbed the stool from the side of the stage. Jasper placed another stool where he had previously been playing and nodded at me. I looked behind us to make sure Alice was ready, and she smiled sadly and nodded as well. Jasper and I took our seats on the stools and exchanged a glance.
'Just focus on the rhythm and the chords.' Jasper stared at me for a long moment before looking down at the guitar on his knee. He began the intro as I hung my head. I kept my eyes closed, even when I lifted my head to sing into the microphone.
"I think you can do much better than me, after all the lies that I made you believe," I sang quietly. The image of Bella the day I had left her haunted my memory every time we played this song. It came whether I could see the audience or not, but I found it easier to make it through the song if I kept my eyes closed. I played the slow guitar rhythm during the chorus as I pictured the accompanying images to the lyrics.
"I really miss your hair in my face…" Holding her close as she slept; my nose buried in her hair, kissing the top of her head.
"The way your innocence tastes…" Her sweet scent and taste during every kiss.
"And I think you should know this… you deserve much better than me!" I cried out the words as I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Her silent sobs as I kissed her forehead and turned my back on her in the forest.
Jasper sang the bridge with me, sending me waves of calm as he continued to play beside me.
"Wish I never would've said it's over and I can't pretend… I won't think about you when I'm older, because we never really had our closure. This can't be the end!" We sang in unison. I began trembling as we repeated the chorus. I dreaded having the spotlight on us during this song because I couldn't curl up and let my emotions take over. Jasper and Alice refused to let us play this song in the dark because they knew I probably wouldn't continue with the show.
We took a few moments at the end of the song so I could regain my composure. Jasper moved the stools back to the side of the stage and I took the microphone stand in my hand.
"This next one I want you to sing for me," I said calmly to the audience.
The intro to Four A.M. began and the crowd cheered. I walked to the edge of the stage, hopped across the gap, and stood on the guard rail. I held the entire microphone stand over the audience. I sang the words out loud as they sang with me. I walked along the guard rail for the entire first verse and chorus.
The somber guitar and drum beat picked up in volume, signaling the last chorus. I pulled the microphone stand back as the instrumental solo finished, and took a deep breath.
"And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong! If I don't make it, know that I loved you all along," I sang loudly. I held the stand back out to the audience, encouraging them to continue singing with me. They sang the next line and I pulled it back. I took the microphone out of the cradle and tossed the stand back up to the stage. I crouched down on the guard rail and sang to the front row audience.
"Just like sunny days that… we ignore because," I held the microphone out to one of the girls in the front row as she finished the line for me along with the crowd pushing into her. I gave her a smile and nodded.
"And I hope to God…" I whispered as the song ended, the crowd finishing the song.
I enjoyed letting the audience sing parts of the songs for me. It made it easier to remind myself of the façade I had to hold onto while on stage. It was like attending high school all over again; a constant game of blending in, and not bringing any unwanted suspicions to myself. We had watched other bands play many times, and even watched large concerts on television to be able to keep up the charade. It felt like I was living a completely different life when I walked out onto a stage, and I reminded myself every time that this was for Bella. For one hour, I allowed myself to think of her and to try to be happy doing what I knew she enjoyed watching me do.
I hopped back onto the stage and returned the microphone and stand to their original positions. I walked over to the piano and took a seat.
"You guys should all know this one," I said with a smile as I played the opening keys to The Reason. The screams were the loudest they had been all night and I grinned at their enthusiasm. Jasper smirked and joined the intro with Alice. This was an emotional song, but we had changed the tempo and rhythm from the original to make it more upbeat.
Tonight had proven to be a bad night already, so I decided to let the audience sing some of the song with me. "I'm not a perfect person," I sang quietly. The entire room seemed to be vibrating as the crowd sang the lyrics with me. "There's many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "Sing it."
The audience grew louder as they sang the chorus for me. I pictured Bella's smiling face in my mind as I reminded myself that my reason to continue existing and playing music was still her. It was always her, and would always be her. I sang the last line of the chorus with the audience. "…and the reason is you."
"I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away." I played the second verse with all the strength and passion I could muster. Jasper watched me intently as I pushed through the hardest lines. My fingers crashed down on the keys as I chanted in my mind that this was for Bella.
When the song ended, I couldn't even be heard because the screams were so loud. I smiled softly at Jasper and Alice as we got ready for the next song. Alice pulled the box-drum closer to the front of the stage and set the piano microphone stand next to it. I looked out at the audience as I waited for them to quiet down. The lights were dimly cast on the stage, and every time I would smirk, they would scream. I sighed and tried to talk again, hoping they would grow quieter.
"Alright. Thank you. Alright!" I chuckled and looked to Jasper for some help. He laughed and shrugged. I knew he didn't like manipulating the audience, and I would never seriously ask him to unless it was absolutely necessary. After a minute or so, the crowd calmed down and I smiled, speaking into the microphone.
"Thank you. Alright this one is a cover we like to play to get everyone moving before the softer songs take over. Let's see everyone dancing and enjoying the night."
We played a rather seductive version of Fever, with Alice shaking the tambourines around the stage and singing towards the end. She enjoyed this part of the show because she got to come out from the background, but only for a few songs. This was the last of our upbeat songs. The remaining three we planned to play were our goodbye songs to Bella. The room was sufficiently dancing and swaying to the heavy beat of the cover as the song ended.
"What a lovely way to burn, indeed…" Jasper said from his spot on stage as he watched Alice shimmy towards the center of the stage. The crowd cheered and cat-called as Alice curtsied, smiling.
"Alright, these last three songs we have planned for you are really special to us. They are for our dear friend, sister, and love. A will be singing the first song, so everyone be extra kind to her. It isn't often she leaves her headphones and box-drum behind to take the microphone." The crowd screamed and called out Alice's initial, causing her to smile softly. Jasper was noting that she was already being overcome by the emotions of the song she was going to sing, and we hadn't even started yet.
"After that is our goodbye song, followed by a special apology." The crowd cheered louder as they deciphered what songs would be played in their minds. I grinned at their excitement as they all focused on the stage, waiting for Alice to begin.
"We don't often explain what our songs are about, but I felt that tonight was special. I wrote this song when someone very special to me felt alone in the world, with no one to be there for her. I thought of her like a sister, or my best friend, and I couldn't be there when she needed me most. I beg of each and every one of you to never take for granted those who are precious to you. You never know when they will be gone," Alice said calmly. She dropped her head and closed her eyes as the lights went out. Seconds later, a single spotlight lit up the stage where she was standing.
I began to play Dear Friend as Alice hummed the melody quietly. She reached up and wrapped her fingers around the stand as she parted her lips and took in a shaky breath.
"Dear friend, what's on your mind? You don't laugh the way you used to, but I've noticed how you cry." She gripped the stand tighter and turned her head to the side, keeping her eyes closed. She always went through her memories in her mind when she took the microphone. I don't think she could sing the song without thinking of Bella. During certain lines, she would smile softly and during others, she would tremble.
"Dear friend, please don't feel like you're alone…" she sang softly. The images of Bella curled up in her bed as she cried lingered in her mind.
I fought back the urge to beg her to stop. I had put my family through so much pain; I realized that, but I felt like they often forgot how everything affected me. Sometimes I thought that maybe she thought of these images to hurt me, to show me what I had done to her and to Bella, but I knew Alice wasn't that cruel. Singing this song was just as painful for her as it was for me to listen to it.
The song came to a gentle close, and the crowd clapped and cheered. They were showing their support, not their excitement, and the sentiment didn't go unnoticed by any of us.
"Thank you," Alice said softly before fleeing the spotlight and wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist. He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head, calming her. Just as she was pulling away to prepare for the next song, she froze. A vision flashed through her mind so quickly I couldn't follow it. Alice gasped loudly and spun on her heel. She glanced at the left exit of the stage and stared, wide eyed. She began reciting Poe poetry in Spanish as she turned back towards the stage as if nothing had happened.
"Alice, what was it? What did you see?" Jasper asked so quietly I could barely hear him from the piano.
"Nothing, I'm not certain what it meant," she said quickly.
"Tell us what you saw, please, it could be important," I begged quietly.
"I don't know yet, just please... let's continue the song, and whatever you do, stay focused on the songs. Don't look at the audience or the sides of the stage. No matter what," she said. She sounded panicked and urgent. She looked back and forth between us, waiting for us to agree to her request. Jasper nodded first as I thought it over. I narrowed my eyes at her, thinking about it. Alice began to fidget and grow antsy as she waited for me to respond.
"Fine," I agreed reluctantly. She nodded quickly and turned back to the drum, taking a seat on top of it and bouncing her leg.
'Something has her nervous, scared, and uncertain. I don't know if we should go through with this…' Jasper thought.
Alice scowled at us as we tried to decide if we should finish the show or not.
'Let's just keep focused. I'll try to keep you as calm as I can, alright?' Jasper asked.
I nodded and took the microphone out of the stand at the center of the stage. The lights went out entirely as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "For you," I said as I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling.
Alice began the drum beat as Jasper pushed a button on the mixer. He took his position to the right of the center and started strumming the bass.
I sang the first two lines with my eyes locked on the ceiling. The lights behind us lit up into a faint orange. "Sometimes solutions aren't so simple. Sometimes goodbye's the only way," I sang softly. I closed my eyes and lowered my head, watching the performance through the audience's eyes. There were no other lights in the entire room, so all the audience could see was our silhouettes.
The lights behind us shifted slowly from orange to pink, like a sunset, and grew brighter. Jasper was swaying back and forth as he played, while Alice had her eyes fixed to the left of the stage.
"And the sun will set for you…" I sang louder and the audience echoed my words. "And the shadow of the day, will embrace the world in gray, and the sun will set for you." The lights shifted from pink to a dark purple-gray as I sang. I took a deep breath and continued into the next verse.
"Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple. Sometimes goodbye's the only way…" I focused on the memory of Bella's face when I first met her in Biology. She looked so confused, and terrified. I nearly took her life that day. I pushed the thought from my mind and sang the chorus. The lights shifted from the purple-gray to a vivid magenta and lilac behind us during the verse, but shifted back into a gray as I sang the chorus. The lights alone set the mood for the song; it was like watching the sunset during her funeral all over again.
I sank to my knees and trembled as I repeated the chorus. When the song was finished, Jasper had to lift me to my feet because I wouldn't move.
'Come on, one more to go. You can do this, Edward.'
I nodded and sank onto the seat of the piano bench.
"This is our last one for the night. You guys have been great," Jasper said to the crowd.
I closed my eyes and leaned into the microphone. "This is for you, Bella."
My fingers pressed down on the keys as I leaned into each note. I swung my head back and forth loosely as I let the music flow straight through me.
"I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground. I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound. You tell me that you need me, and then you go and cut me down, but wait! You tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around and say…" I paused briefly as I took in a deep breath. I pressed down on the next note as Alice joined me on her box-drum. A solo spotlight lit up the piano and everyone cheered. "It's too late to apologize, it's too late. I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late."
I sat up straighter as my fingers glided over the ivory. Oh, how I wished I could apologize to her for all the pain I had caused. How I wished I could hold her close and breathe her in one last time. The moment I thought of her being so close, I could smell freesias. I took in a deep breath, letting it flood my lungs. Even if it was a figment of my imagination, I filled my mind with the scent of Bella, savoring every bit of it.
"I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you. I need you like a heart needs a beat, but it's nothing new. I loved you with a fire, red – now it's turning blue, and you said 'sorry' like the angel heaven let me think was you…" My fingers paused over the keys as Alice stopped playing. I took in another deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut tighter.
"But I'm afraid!" I screamed out through a sob. I took a few shaky breaths as I tried to calm myself, but I just couldn't seem to focus on anything but the pain of missing her. "I'm so sorry, Bella," I whispered into the microphone. I took another deep breath and the scent of freesias was even stronger than before. I pressed down on the keys to resume the song, and Alice joined me without hesitation.
I screamed out the chorus, choking back my sobs. As I repeated it the last time, Alice missed a beat and gasped. I stopped playing and opened my eyes, looking across the stage at her. Her eyes were wide with shock and panic.
Slowly, I turned around on the bench, following her gaze to the edge of stage next to the backstage curtain. I blinked, and studied the silhouette more closely. It was a small female figure, and it was trembling. She took two steps towards the stage, exiting through the shadows, and I gasped. The lights on the stage went out and everything was dark. I stood up quickly and tried to run towards her, but I couldn't move.
"Bella?"
A soft gasp came from the small figure and it trembled harder. Suddenly, a tall figure was behind her, trying to tug her into his arms. I reached my arm out towards her, pleading silently for her to step closer so I could tell if it was truly her or not because my feet wouldn't move. I saw Alice and Jasper step up beside me in my peripheral vision.
'Is it really her?' Jasper thought.
I pleaded with my feet to move, screaming at them mentally, and finally they moved. I took two steps towards her, but she turned and ran.
"Wait!" I called out, panicked. I ran towards her but Garrett stopped me. I slammed into him and he held me back. I let out a deep, guttural growl and narrowed my eyes at him, lowering myself into a crouch.
"Wait, Edward. She's in shock. Let me talk to her. Please. I promise I'll try to convince her to hear you out, but just give her some time," Garrett said quickly.
I growled again and bared my teeth. Something inside of me had snapped and I felt feral, uncontrollable, but somehow I had managed to not lunge.
"Edward, he's right. Please. Let's just give her a little time," Alice said through sobs.
I spun on my heel and glared at my sister. "You knew?"
"No! I just saw that you said her name at the end of the song, but I never saw her, I swear!" she said quickly.
When I spun back around to face Garrett, he was gone. Jasper's hand gripped my shoulder tightly. "She's scared, Edward, and confused. Let's give her some time. She's not dead; let's just take our small miracles where we can get them." He sent me wave after wave of calm and patience, and eventually it started to take hold within me.
"Carlisle? I think you should come down to the venue in Anchorage – both of you," Alice said.
I turned to look at her, and noticed the phone in her hand. She was shaking, and her eyes were still wide with shock.
"No, we're... we're fine… it's… it's Bella… she's here," she whispered.
A/N: So, it finally happened. Thoughts? I seriously want to hear them. Flouncing? Hate it? Love it? Expected something different? Something better? What do you think will happen next chapter? Will Bella listen to Edward, or take off? I was seriously nervous to post this chapter… so I'm really curious as to your opinions.
All of the chapter specific music: http://www (dot) youtube (dot) com/user/BeautifullySacred
Ask me stuff! Any kind of stuff!: http://www (dot) formspring (dot) me/Ailisraevyn
Song question for the chapter: Ever heard a song that was sung by the audience, and the performers just let them go, or couldn't be heard over them? Which song, and band was it, and how did the performer react?