DISCLAIMER: All characters and story world belong to SM. All lyrical references and quotes are property of their original artist. No copyright infringement intended.
[Beta'd by: UnBeta'd]
Special thanks to: Ocdmess
Last chapter I asked you all for a song that screamed SEX; whether because of the mood, or because you've had it while the song played.
My answer: Pantera - Cemetery Gates.
I'll leave this one without a description. LOL
Chapter Playlist:
Kelly Clarkson - Irvine
Songs Mentioned:
Garbage - Number One Crush
Maroon 5 - Back At Your Door
Blue October - Hate Me
Delta Goodrem - The Last Night On Earth
http:/ /www[dot]youtube[dot]com/user/BeautifullySacred
Chapter 22
BPOV
Sunday, August 27th, 2006
"The one leaning against the railing," Jasper said, pointing to the other side of the large opening.
"Uncertainty, regret, and… excitement?" I asked, not positive if I was right.
Jasper smiled and nodded. "I'm guessing she's uncertain of the decision she made to buy the dress she just walked out with. I would assume she's regretting it due to monetary reasons, or perhaps a person at home, but she's probably excited because she really liked it."
It made sense; I'd felt that way before while out shopping with Charlie's money.
I stilled on the bench and my breath caught in my throat. Charlie. My heart ached for him and I closed my eyes. I missed my father.
"Bella? What's wrong? You just shifted to an intense sadness," Jasper said, turning on the bench beside me and taking my hands.
The connection between Jasper and I wavered slightly, and the emotions of the people surrounding us in the mall faded. I took a deep breath and forced it out as I focused my mind. I pulled Jasper's mind back into my own, and strengthened the connection as the feelings around me grew more intense. I pushed out the heartache over my father and took in another breath before speaking.
"I'm sorry. I was just reminded of Charlie, and it made me miss him," I said, squeezing his hand before releasing it.
Jasper studied me for a moment before nodding. "It's alright; please don't apologize. You're allowed to have your own emotions. You recovered very quickly this time."
His praise made me smile faintly, and I glanced back at him. "Thanks, Jasper."
"Should we head back? We've been out for a while."
"Sure." I stood, and at a human's pace, walked with Jasper through the mall as I tried to focus on the emotions around me.
Over the past few weeks, Jasper had helped me practice both of my shields, and we learned more about what they were capable of. We discovered that once I got used to a person's mind within my secondary shield, it was easier to bring them into my personal mental shield. Once I connected them to my primary shield, I gained the ability to use their talent.
At first, we thought it was only mental talents, but we quickly realized that the theory didn't make sense because Jasper's empathy was a physical ability. One night, without Emmett realizing it, I pulled him into my primary shield to test the idea. We couldn't be entirely certain because it was harder for me to maintain my personal shield around Emmett, but I did feel much stronger than I normally did. I hadn't practiced shielding Emmett, so I wasn't as familiar with his mind. For the few minutes I was able to hold him within my primary, however, I could feel a surge of strength flowing through me – similar to when I first woke up, or after quenching my thirst.
Jasper was curious what this would mean with other talents. If I decided to protect Edward with my own shield, would I be able to read his, and everyone else's, thoughts? What about Alice? Would I be able to see future events like her; and if that was the case, would I see the same visions she did, or would I see my own visions?
The possibilities were a bit frightening to me; I never wanted this kind of power. When I woke up eight months ago, I thought my talent was lame, and I felt broken. Garrett had just laughed at me back then, but looking back, I almost wish that were the case. The idea of Aro and the rest of the Volturi finding out what I was capable of truly scared the living shit out of me.
"Bella?"
I shook my head and glanced at Jasper. We were almost back to the hotel, and I had completely zoned out the entire way.
"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked.
"I said you know he realizes that something is going on, right?" Jasper asked.
I sighed and nodded my head. Edward had been rather depressed lately, and every time I left with Jasper to "hunt" he would get suspicious. I couldn't keep Jasper within my primary shield for days at a time or anything, but I could pull him in quickly to check emotions around me that I might be curious about. I had done this a few times when we would return and Edward would be exceptionally quiet.
"I know," I said, nodding.
"You need to tell him. We've been going out to practice four times a week and it's really starting to bother him. Why are you so hesitant to bring it up?"
"I don't know. I guess a small part of me is afraid that if I tell him, he'll be upset."
"That doesn't make any sense, and I can tell you aren't being entirely truthful. What are you afraid of, Bella?" Jasper asked. He had stopped walking, and grabbed my forearm, pulling me gently to the side.
I stopped and stared down at the ground. I tugged at my lip ring slightly before huffing exasperatedly. "I'm afraid that the Volturi will see his thoughts, and they will know about me, alright?" I wrapped my arms around my torso and closed my eyes. I was honestly terrified of that ever happening.
Jasper was silent for a moment before taking a step toward me. He gripped my upper arms tightly and shook me slightly. "Bella. Bella look at me," Jasper demanded.
I exhaled shakily, my fear and concern probably rolling off of me in waves. Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his.
"Bella, we will never let them hurt you. I promise you that. Shield me. Feel that I'm being sincere. You're family to me – to all of us. We will never let the Volturi come between us. Believe me." Jaspers voice was strong, confident.
I opened my shield and protected him, allowing myself to feel his emotions. He was projecting an immense amount of sincerity, but also love. I nodded and threw my arms around him as I tried to hold my sobs at bay. He held me tightly, stroking my back. He was like a brother to me. He and Garrett were so important to me; they had been there for me when I needed someone strong to help me understand. They were my rocks, and I loved them both.
"So please, don't worry about things that might never happen," Jasper said quietly in my ear.
I nodded and pulled away, smiling at him. "Thank you," I said quietly.
He nodded and smiled before holding his arm out to me. I laughed and rolled my eyes before looping my arm in his. We started walking back to the hotel again, arm in arm.
"So you'll tell him then?" Jasper asked after a moment.
I nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I probably should."
As we walked back to the hotel, Jasper and I talked about the show last night. Ottawa had been an amazing city, but the crowd was even better than any of us imagined. Apparently Maurice wasn't lying when he said it was one of the highest sales areas for Virulent Disease's album. The turnout was phenomenal, and the energy level was unbelievable. It was by far the best show of the tour to date.
When we walked into the lobby of the hotel, I didn't sense Garrett around. I felt for everyone's mind, and noticed Edward was missing as well. I followed Jasper into his room, and Alice was looking through a fashion magazine.
"Hey, Alice. Where did Garrett and Edward go?" I asked.
"They went hunting a little while ago," she said as she turned a page.
"Oh. Mind if I hang out with you guys for a while?" I asked.
Jasper smiled at me and walked over to Alice. He bent down behind her chair and kissed the back of her neck, causing her to smile brightly and set the magazine down. "No, that's fine by me," Alice replied. She stood, walked to the bed, crawled to the center and sat cross-legged. Jasper followed and wrapped his arms around her as he sat behind her. "So, what's up, Bella?" Alice asked.
"Not much. Jasper and I were just talking about the last two shows. I'm going to miss Ottawa."
"Me too! The stores alone are enough for me to love this place, but the crowd the last two nights were amazing, you're right."
I chuckled as I sat in the over-stuffed chair by the window. I threw my legs over one armrest and laid my head against the other as I stared at the ceiling. I heard Alice giggle from what I'm guessing was Jasper kissing her neck. Over the few weeks of being around them, I heard learned that Jasper and Alice were really gentle and sweet with each other; it was really adorable. I remembered when I had compared their love to a religion, and realized how accurate that really was. Rosalie and Emmett weren't as openly affectionate, but they had their subtle ways of showing their love. Rosalie would lean in to Emmett and if I was paying attention, I would see her lips lift into a slight smile for a split second.
After a few moments of silence, I decided to protect Jasper with my primary shield. I was a little worried I was intruding on their time together, and didn't want to be a nuisance. At first, I sensed a deep love and contentment, but then I noticed an underlying curiosity and worry coming from Alice. I sat up in the chair, my legs still resting across the armrest.
"Hey, Alice?"
"Hm?"
"Is something bothering you?"
She furrowed her brows, her curiosity growing stronger with a slight feeling of confusion now underlying her emotions. "Why do you ask?"
Jasper glanced at me, the corner of his lips lifting slightly but his eyes didn't show any happiness. I looked down at my shoes, and shrugged. "Just curious," I said nonchalantly.
Alice was silent for a moment as she studied me. "I just miss having you around. You're always with Jazz, or Edward. I feel like you don't want me for a friend anymore," she said quietly. Jasper pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms tighter around her as he kissed the back of her head.
I threw my legs off the armrest and quickly stood. I crossed the room in four paces, and crawled onto the bed. I sat before her on my knees and frowned before throwing my arms around her neck and hugging her. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.
Jasper leaned back, releasing Alice from his grasp as she leaned in to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. A different kind of love filled Alice, and I gasped quietly. I never knew she cared about me this much. I squeezed her tighter, and tried to send my own love to her. I felt her smile against my neck as we held each other. When we finally released each other, I took her hands in mine and smiled at her as I leaned back. "I always thought of you as my best friend. When you left, I felt like everyone left me that day; my best friend, my first real love, my family. I wrote so many poems about all of you – not just Edward."
"Really?" She tilted her head slightly as she held my gaze.
I nodded and smiled. "I have books and books filled with poems and lyrics. A lot of them are about my feelings in general, or my dreams, but the more lyrical ones are about you guys, and Edward."
A sudden sense of curiosity flowed through Alice and was quickly over taken with fear. I glanced at Jasper and he looked confused as well. His eyebrows knitted together as he leaned forward. "What's wrong, love?" he asked her.
She shook her head and I frowned. She was hiding something. "Tell me, please?" he whispered in her ear.
She sighed and looked down at our hands before looking back up at me. "Would you share some of your writing with me?" she asked so quietly I was barely certain of what she said. She didn't sound like the Alice I knew – the confident, hyper and somewhat pushy vampire that once ruled my free time in my human days.
"Is that all that's wrong?" I asked, my thumb rubbing over the back of her hand.
She nodded and shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, I feel like everyone else is getting so close to you. You and I used to be like sisters, and I guess I'm a bit envious. I want to know what it was like for you while we were away."
"But you know what it was like for me, you watched for me when Edward wasn't around," I said, not completely understanding what she meant.
"I know, but… I never got to see much. I would see you at school, not talking and just writing or drawing or sometimes you were at home, doing homework or fixing dinner for Charlie. I feel like I never got to see the moments when you were hurting. That's why I never pushed Edward harder to come back – it looked like you were moving on."
"Alice, you must have the worst timing with your visions. There were so many days I would just sit in my room, in bed or in my window, and just write or cry. I woke up screaming from my dreams nearly every night. I definitely never moved on."
"I know that now, but I never saw any of that. If I had seen you waking from your sleep, or the times when you…" Her voice trailed off as she glanced at my arms and sighed. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and a wave of guilt rolled off of her.
I eyed Jasper, my expression begging the question, "What do I do?"
He shook his head slightly and kissed the back of Alice's head again.
"I would have killed Edward if I had seen sooner what our leaving did to you," she whispered.
I grabbed her chin and lifted her head. I waited until her eyes opened and met my gaze before speaking. "Alice, listen to me, please. I missed you. All of you. Yes, your family hurt me more than I can ever truly explain, but I'm happy now. I have you all back in my life, and I'm trying to move forward. I've forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself."
Jasper smiled, his eyes glistening as he sent me a wave of love and appreciation. I stared into Alice's eyes as she blinked and nodded slowly. I smiled back and released her chin. "Let me go grab my notebooks, alright?"
She sat up straight and nodded eagerly in a typical hyperactive Alice sort of way. I grinned at the sight of her looking happy again and hopped off the bed. I retrieved my small backpack with all of my notebooks from mine and Edward's room next door. I dropped my backpack on the bed in front of Alice, and sat back down on the comfy chair beside the window with my legs hanging off the armrest.
Alice pulled all of the books out of the backpack and spread them out across the bed. They were each dated with a sharpie on the front and some even had little drawings across the top and bottom. The more recent books were covered in vines and doodles due to my boredom as we drove across Canada.
Alice picked the very first one, and I cringed slightly. I sank lower in the chair, resting my head against the other armrest and stared up at the ceiling as Alice flipped through pages, reading different poems. I shut Jasper out of my primary shield, not wanting to feel Alice's regret and sadness as she read over my painful words.
"Number One Crush?" Alice asked randomly.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. I always felt rather stupid, looking back on that one. "I got tired of people telling me that it was just a high school crush and that it would get better. People seemed to think I was blowing it out of proportion and I needed to get over Edward. I felt like no one understood, and I couldn't tell anyone because they would all think I was crazy. So, I wrote down all the things I would do for him, proving to myself that it was real love, not just a high school crush."
"So why the title then?" Jasper asked.
I chuckled and wrapped my arms around my torso as I shrugged. "Because it was ironic? I don't know. I felt like if my feelings for Edward really were just a crush, then he would be my number one crush for as long as I lived."
Alice laughed lightheartedly, and I smiled. I really would do all of those things for him, even still.
"These are some really heavy lyrics, Bella. I think a lot of these would make some awesome songs. Do you have a beat for any of them?" Alice asked.
"Some of them. That one I do, but it's not very detailed, just a general rhythm."
Alice went back to reading through the lyrics for a few minutes before she spotted another one to ask me about. "This one, Hate Me – did you really feel that way?"
I bit my lip, tugging at the ring, and debated with myself on how to answer that. That was one of my more fluid lyrics, but I was filled with so much hate and anger when I wrote it that I couldn't stop the words from spilling onto the page. "I'm not sure I want to talk about that one," I whispered toward the ceiling. I never finished it, it was mostly just a chorus and intro and bridge, no solid verses.
"Bella, please?" Alice asked. The tone of her voice was somber, and almost apologetic.
"I blamed myself for not being good enough for him. I felt that I could never be what he wanted, and I hated myself for that. I hated myself, a lot," I admitted.
Alice didn't press me with any more questions for that song, instead she flipped through more pages silently for a while. She finished the first book and moved on to the second. She was only a couple of pages in before she gasped. "You really went to our old house, didn't you?" she asked.
I nodded. "Mhm. I went there a lot, actually, but I told you guys that the night after the first concert."
"I know, I just didn't realize," she said quietly.
"Which one are you reading?" I asked.
"Back At Your Door. Why did you keep going over there when it obviously hurt you so much?" she asked.
I shifted in the chair slightly, turning my head so I could see her on the bed. I shrugged and smiled. "It made me feel depressed, but it also made me feel close to him somehow. I taught myself how to play on his piano, you know."
She nodded and waited for me to continue.
"I guess because Garrett was there, it forced me to face the truth that you guys were gone, but I didn't want to let every piece go. That piano was so important to me, and that house was like my safe haven. It hurt to go there, but it brought me peace of mind as well, in an odd way."
Alice flipped through more pages and I watched her as she read each line. Sometimes she would smile brightly, or chuckle while shaking her head, but most of the time her eyebrows were knitted together and she looked upset.
"The Last Night On Earth?" she asked, glancing at me curiously.
If I could blush, I would have. "I… sometimes was a bit delusional, I suppose. I used to daydream that Edward would come back, and love me. I didn't care if it was on my death bed, I just wanted to see his face one more time, and hear him whisper the words I could only wish were still true."
Alice smiled faintly and nodded, understanding in her eyes. She set the book down and thumbed through the others. She lingered on one page for an exceptionally long time and I grew curious.
"Which one are you reading now?" I asked.
"Irvine."
I smiled and sat up in the chair properly before shifting on foot beneath me. "That one is about both of you," I said quietly. "…and Edward," I added.
Jasper and Alice turned to look at me, confused. "Really?" Jasper asked.
I nodded as I thought back to when I had written it. I looked at Alice as I spoke, "The line, 'Are you watching me?' is referring to you. I often wondered if you would look for my future. I used to believe that if I thought hard enough about you, you would see me. The entire first verse is actually about you and Jasper."
Alice and Jasper glanced at each other and smiled sadly. "What about the rest of it?" Jasper asked.
"Hm," I said as I thought about the rest of the lyrics. "Well, actually, the line, 'How are you so strong?' refers to Carlisle, and the line 'Your heart is really something,' is about Esme. Emmett and Rosalie even have a line, although I'm not certain they would understand what I meant by it. It's the line, 'Your love, a complete mystery to me.' All of the lyrics are linked to one of your family, and my feelings about you all. I missed you guys so much when I wrote that one. I had a week or so where it felt like you guys didn't really exist, or were maybe like guardian angels that left. I felt exposed and so alone without you."
"Will you sing this one?" Alice asked, closing the notebook and scooting to the edge of the bed eagerly.
I stared into her eyes and smiled. I could see how excited it would make her if I said yes, so I gave in without a fight. When I nodded, Alice clapped eagerly and Jasper rolled his eyes, grinning at me. I leaned back in the chair as I tried to find a rhythm for the words.
"Would you mind if I played with you?" Jasper asked.
"That would be awesome! Honestly, I can't really think of a rhythm for it, so whatever you come up with is fine."
Jasper retrieved his acoustic guitar from beside the table and sat on the edge of the small loveseat beside my chair. As he began to play, there was a soft knock at the door the same moment Alice asked, "Bella, would you mind a small audience?"
I swallowed, realizing who must be on the other side of the door. I looked to Jasper for some help, but he simply shrugged. I rolled my eyes, nodded, and Alice opened the door to invite them in. I play twice a week in front of a huge audience; I should be able to sing in front of Edward's family.
Esme and Carlisle took a seat at the table nearest me and Jasper while Rosalie and Emmett leaned against the wall. Emmett wrapped his arms around Rosalie's waist and kissed her cheek. Her subtle smile crept up before quickly disappearing.
Jasper found a steady, repetitious rhythm, and I let him play through a few times before I decided on a lyrical beat. I tucked my feet up onto the chair, pressing my knees to my chest as I took a deep breath.
"Are you there? Are you watching me? As I lie here on this floor." I smiled softly at Alice and she smiled back, her eyes glowing. I turned my head toward Jasper beside me and watched his fingers strum gently. "They say you feel what I do," I sang with a smile. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around knees. "They say you're here every moment. Will you stay? Stay until the darkness leaves; stay here with me."
I opened my eyes and glanced at the various people in the room as I sang. All eyes were on me, and I felt completely bare, like I was laying my soul out for them. When I reached the chorus, I closed my eyes; I couldn't look at their reactions. The chorus was written for Edward – I was so hurt that he refused to take me with him and his family. It pained me that they moved on without me.
When I opened my eyes at the end of the chorus, Edward and Garrett were at the far end of the room. I gasped slightly, taken by surprise. I swallowed and stared into Edward's eyes as I began the next verse. "Can you feel how cold I am? Do you cry as I do?" I shuddered, squeezing my knees closer to my chest as I sang.
I turned to look at Carlisle, pushing my depressing thoughts out of my head, and sang each line to the person it was about. "How are you so strong?" Carlisle smiled softly at me and I attempted to smile back. "What's it like to feel so free?" I sang to Alice, my lips still turned up. I turned back toward Carlisle and Esme and tapped gently against my legs to Jasper's rhythm. I stared at Esme as I sang, "Your heart is really something." I quickly turned, not wanting to see her get overly emotional, and stared at Rosalie and Emmett. "Your love, a complete mystery to me."
Rosalie frowned at first, but when Emmett squeezed her and kissed her hair gently, she smiled, letting her lips stay in such a happy pose for a few moments longer than usual. I smiled brightly at her before closing my eyes, tucking my knees closer to my body and resting my chin on them. I sang the last few lines of the song with my eyes closed, remembering back to when I would gaze out my window and imagine him coming back for me.
As Jasper's melody slowed to an end, a faint smile crept across my lips. I didn't have to be that girl anymore. I had a new family who wanted to be with me. I still would always miss my father and mother, but my life didn't fit with theirs anymore. I felt a wave of pain and curiosity pass through me and I opened my eyes quickly, glancing at Jasper. He quirked his brow and I sighed before looking across the room to Edward. His expression was confusing – it was like he was trying to analyze something, but the thought bothered him. I stared into his eyes for a moment, trying to figure him out, but he spoke before I came to a conclusion.
"Would you mind coming with me, Bella?" he asked quietly, his voice very controlled and emotionless.
I nodded, released my grip on my legs and stood, crossing the room in a few paces. He took my hand gently, but the gesture didn't hold the same love it normally did; something was wrong. He led me downstairs, through the lobby, outside, and up a large hill behind the hotel and he broke into a run. He continued until we were in the middle of a small forest. He turned sharply and stood before me, staring into my eyes. He let go of my hand, and searched my eyes.
The whole scene was horribly familiar, and I began to panic. He's doing it again. He's going to leave me again. My breath caught in my throat and I trembled as my mind raced, trying to figure out how I could protect myself from the heart ache this time. He narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Bella, what's wrong?"
"You're doing it again, aren't you?"
He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head slightly. "Doing what again?"
"Leaving. This is exactly what you did last time. You took me away from everyone and into the middle of nowhere and pulled away before saying the words. You're leaving," I said quickly, my words blurring together as I tried to choke back my sobs.
What if just ran? What if I didn't let him say the words again? It might not hurt as much.
"Bella what are you talking about?" He took a step closer and reached for my hand.
I pulled away quickly as if his touch was fire. I stared in shock at his hand and slowly followed his figure with my eyes up to his face. I shook my head repeatedly, completely in denial that I had trusted him. I had trusted him.
"I won't let you hurt me again. Whatever it is, however you plan on doing this, I'm not going to listen. You can say I'm not good for you, you can tell me you don't want me, you can insist that I can't come with you, but I don't care because I'm not going to stand here and let you leave me again. I don't have to listen." I turned and ran, dashing further into the forest as my sobs tore through my body.
"Bella, wait! I'm not leaving you!" he cried out loudly.
He was faster than me; even my newborn abilities were no match for his speed. He caught me by the arm and I tried to shrug free of his grip, but he squeezed me tighter. I sank to the forest floor, hoping the sudden change in motion would make him release me, but he fell to his knees beside me and pulled me into his chest.
"Bella, talk to me, please? Why do you think I'm leaving you?" Edward asked as he held me close. He gripped me tightly and I could barely move.
"You brought me out into the woods… you had that look… you've been upset about something all week. This is how you reacted last time, when you left me back in Forks," I sobbed, my face buried in his neck. I breathed in his scent, not wanting to let him go.
"Bella," he whispered as he tried to pull away. I clung to him, not wanting to see his face when he told me he had to leave. I just wanted another few moments with him before he took it all away. "Bella. Please, look at me."
I sighed, and a sob racked through my body as I freed myself from his arms. I kept my eyes closed and my face down as I waited for him to say the words. I couldn't out run him, so I would be forced to hear them all over again. His finger brushed against the bottom of my chin and he slowly lifted my face. His thumb slid over my bottom lip gently, and another sob escaped my lips. I opened my eyes, and stared into his golden ones.
"Bella, I'm not leaving you. I'll never leave you again. I love you. Please, believe me." He kissed my lips gently and pulled me closer to him. We were both on our knees on the forest floor, inches from each other.
I crawled closer, urging myself to believe him and not let him go. I deepened the kiss, but kept it to just pressed lips. Slowly, I pulled back, pleading with the world for him to be telling the truth, and for that to not be the last taste of him on my lips.
"Will you tell me what's wrong now?" he asked quietly, staring into my eyes with a cautious smile.
"Nothing's wrong. You're the one who brought me out here," I pointed out.
"Something's been bothering you. I've felt it for the past week or more. You're keeping something from me, and it has me really worried."
I frowned and looked down, but his finger pressed against my chin, raising my face back up to meet his gaze. I sighed and nodded as he dropped his hand. "I have been keeping something from you, but it's nothing wrong, per say."
"Whatever it is, you can tell me."
I took in a deep breath, drawing in all the strength I could muster and focused on Edward's mind. I opened my shield to him, allowing him in entirely and protecting him with it. I love you, Edward.
He gasped and leaned back with wide eyes. 'I heard her. I heard her thoughts. She's been keeping this from me?'
I nodded and smiled faintly. I have. I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?
'Wait, you can hear me, too?'
Afraid so. I chuckled and widened my smile. His eyes grew wider as he gasped again.
"But why would you keep this from me?" he asked.
I looked down at bit my lip. I wanted to be certain. It sounds so stupid, I'm sure, but I was also afraid you wouldn't love me as much.
'Why would you think that?' He practically shouted at me mentally.
Because you always said that you loved the silence when you were with me.
'But I also told you time and time again that I wished I could hear what you were thinking,' he thought.
I nodded, tugging on my lip ring as I stared at our hands.
'It's so amazing… Bella… How are you doing this? Can you read everyone's thoughts?'
I shook my head and tried to think of how to explain, of course, Edward heard me trying to shuffle through the way to phrase it, and gasped even louder than before.
'You can access other talents! Oh my God, Bella, do you realize what this means?'
My mind flashed through all of my fears of Aro and the Volturi finding out, and taking me away from the Cullens. Edward threw his arms around me so tightly that it knocked out all of the air from my lungs.
"That will never happen, do you understand me? They will never take you from me." His words rang in my ears as I nodded, trying to believe him. He pulled away quickly, gripping my upper arms tightly as he stared at me. "I'm serious, Bella. No one could force you out of my arms. They would have to kill me first."
I sobbed at the mention of his death and threw myself back into his arms. I love you. I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me.
'Shh, Love, shh. I'm not going anywhere. I'll promise you that every day if that's what it takes for you to believe me.' He rocked me back and forth a few times before leaning back, pulling me with him as he lay down in the dirt.
I laid over him, my arms still wrapped around his neck and my head resting against his collar-bone. I kissed his jaw gently and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. I kept his mind protected with my primary shield as I thought of how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me. He lightly kissed my forehead and hair repeatedly as I lay in his arms.
I thought of how Jasper taught me to use my talent, and how I learned to use his over the last few weeks and he held me tighter as he thought of how proud of me he was. I smiled as I continued to press my lips to his jaw and collar-bone, replaying the last few weeks in my head. I loved that I could kiss him and still be talking to him. He chuckled softly as the thought passed through my mind and I grinned. It was interesting to listen to his thoughts as I thought my own, however, the vampire speed helped.
He chuckled again, his chest vibrating slightly and I sighed contentedly. I thought back to just a week ago when we sang to each other as we kissed. He moaned slightly and wiggled under me. I felt as his erection throbbed against me and I gasped. I quickly shut him out of my mind and sat up. I held my hands against his chest and tugged on my lip ring as I avoided his gaze. I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet, and I definitely didn't want him hearing me worry about it in all of my paranoid glory.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked quietly. He rubbed his hand up and down over my forearms gently.
"I'm just… not yet, please?"
Edward propped himself up on his elbows, leaning forward to look into my eyes that were cast downward. "Hey?"
I slowly met his eyes and bit the inside of my cheek.
"That's okay. I'm not pushing. I'm ready whenever you're ready. I want us to go slow too, okay?"
I nodded and he smiled at me as he sat up all the way. He brushed my hair over my shoulder and held his palm to my cheek, his thumb brushing along my neck. He kissed me gently before scooting me closer to him, his erection still pressing between my legs.
"I can't help how you make me feel though," he whispered into my ear before kissing my jaw.
I shivered and drew in a quick breath as I closed my eyes. I opened my mind to him again, shielding him with my primary, and ran through all my thoughts of what he did to me when I was human. He groaned into my ear as he thrust his hips against me. I saw in his mind as he thought of all of the things I did back then that drove him crazy, and I rolled my head back, moaning. He kissed down my throat to my collar-bone and sucked my flesh between his lips carefully.
I gasped and dug my nails into his shoulders, causing him to hiss.
'God, Bella. The things you do to me.'
I grinned and showed him the things he did to me. He thrust up against me again before licking my neck. He put his hands under me and pulled me closer to him as he stood quickly. I wrapped my legs around him and buried my face in his neck, littering his skin with kisses.
'We should get back to the hotel before I'm tempted to push this further.'
I laughed softly and nodded as I sighed. I thought about his family, and the time I spent with Alice today as he ran us back to the hotel. I realized that we should probably tell his family and he agreed. The idea of being able to read all of their thoughts crossed my mind and Edward stopped abruptly.
"You said you couldn't read everyone's thoughts."
"I thought you meant all the time. If I'm shielding you, I think I'll be able to read their thoughts, just like you can. That's how it works with Jasper's talent anyway."
'Have you tried with anyone else's talent?'
I nodded, and replayed the experiment with Emmett and the few times I tried with Garrett's talent.
'How long can you shield them with your primary?'
A few hours or until I'm really distracted or extremely sad.
'Why sadness?'
We aren't sure, but I always seem to block Jasper out when I think too much about things that really upset me. I thought about Charlie earlier and my shield slipped, and I pushed his connection away.
Edward continued the journey back toward the town as he ran through different ideas as to why. Neither of us came to any conclusions by the time we got back to the hotel room. We could hear everyone still in Alice and Jasper's suite, so we knocked on their door. Alice flung the door open and scowled at me as I slipped down from Edward's arms.
'Great, now she's blocking his future too,' Alice thought.
Edward and I chuckled and she eyed us suspiciously. A split second later, I was assaulted with everyone's thoughts and I gripped my head tightly as I fell to the floor. It was so loud. I shut Edward out quickly and closed my shield around myself. Edward pulled me against him as he picked me up from the floor, whispering that he was sorry. "I should have warned you," he said quietly.
I could feel Jasper sending me waves of fake calm, but I noticed the underlying concern as well. He had taught me to pick up on subtle emotions, and I was getting pretty good at it. "Bella?" Jasper asked from somewhere very close by.
"She got overwhelmed," Edward said in an awkward voice. He sounded like he was trying to convey the meaning behind his words without speaking them.
There was a long silence as I took steady breaths. I opened my eyes and looked around slowly. Everyone looked concerned. Edward set me back on my feet again, but left his hands on my waist.
"I'm sorry, I was expecting that," I said quietly to the room in general.
"What happened?" Carlisle asked.
"Bella has discovered that she has some new abilities with her shields," Edward said for me.
I bit my lip and nodded.
"I have a confession, actually. I—" But before I could finish, Carlisle's phone rang.
He frowned and gave me an apologetic look. He glanced at the caller I.D. looked confused. "It's Eleazar," he said to the room.
He pressed a button and held it to his ear. "Hello, dear friend."
He listened for a brief moment before frowning more. "I don't understand."
We all exchanged a confused glance.
"Are you sure it was her?" He paused and nodded. "How long ago did she leave?" He checked his watch and glanced at Edward and I.
I felt Edward growl before I heard him. I turned and looked at him, confused. His expression shocked me entirely – he looked enraged. "What's wrong, Edward?" I whispered.
He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tightly, his grip on my waist tightening.
"Can you track the scent?" Carlisle asked. "No, I know it's not your concern. I'm sorry. I shouldn't push for you to get involved in this." He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose.
I looked from Carlisle back to Edward who was still shaking with rage. I tried to turn but his grip was too tight. I raised a hand to his face and stared into his closed eyes, willing for him to look at me. I contemplated shielding him so I could hear what was bothering him, but I didn't want a repeat of earlier.
"Thank you for calling, my friend. I'm sorry you were dragged into this. If she returns, please call," Carlisle said quickly. A moment later he hung up the phone.
"NO!" Edward growled.
I jumped, yanking myself out of his arms and took a step away.
"Edward, Son, calm down. We can talk about this," Carlisle said calmly.
I looked to Jasper, terrified of what was happening. His eyes were focused intensely on Edward and I could feel the fake calm radiating out of him. I glanced to Carlisle, praying silently that he would say something that made sense.
"Carlisle, what is it? What did Eleazar have to say?" Esme said as she placed a hand on his arm.
He sighed and looked at her, sadness in his eyes. "He said that they just had a visitor. They threatened him and his family for answers, and he didn't have a choice but to give them to them."
"Who?" I whispered.
"Victoria."
The room spun and the loudest snarl I had ever heard came from somewhere behind me. I covered my mouth with my hands and trembled. Charlie. She'll kill him.
"She won't touch him," Carlisle said, trying to tame my fear that I had apparently said out loud. "Jasper, Garrett, you two have the most experience with newborn armies," Carlisle said, the tone in his voice changing to business-like.
"An army?" I cried out. I sank to my knees, my eyes wide with shock.
"NO!" Edward screamed. "I'm finishing this, once and for all. I should have over a year ago!" He turned toward the door.
"Edward, don't!" Alice shrieked, and all eyes turned to her. Her eyes were wide and her gaze was unfocused.
Edward turned to her, no doubt watching her vision unfold. He growled loudly again and pinched the bridge of his nose. He bent down, lifted me up and held his hands to my face, forcing me to look at him. "I am not leaving you. I promise you that, Bella. I'm going to track her down, and then protect Charlie."
"No! Edward, don't leave! Let me come with you," I pleaded, shaking my head.
He looked past me as he straightened up, his hands still holding my face. His eyes focused on something for a moment before nodding. "That should work, Alice."
He looked back down at me and kissed my forehead. He dropped his hands, smiled faintly at me, and then looked up at everyone in the room. I wrapped an arm around his waist, trying to keep a hold of him as if he would disappear if I didn't, and looked at Alice. She attempted to smile at me, but I could see the worry in her eyes.
"Alice will reserve a hotel a few cities away from the newborn encampment. I'll meet you all there once I track Victoria down. I'm the fastest runner, and we can't let her trail dissipate. This is our only chance to know where she is. I'll alert the Quileute's as to her return, and tell them to protect Charlie," Edward said quickly.
"I'll tell them," Garrett said, and everyone looked at him, confused. "I have Sam's phone number, and I think they would rather hear from me right now, than any of you."
Carlisle nodded. "Thank you, Garrett. Let us know what he has to say. Victoria knows that Bella didn't die, be sure to let them know that as well."
"What? How do they know?" I asked.
"Eleazar didn't say, but Bella, we're going to do everything we can to protect Charlie, alright?"
I nodded slowly, turning to gauge Edward's temper. He looked focused, and I wondered whose thoughts he was listening to. I followed his gaze to Jasper, who gave me a quick nod. I furrowed my brows, completely confused as to what was going to happen.
"Alright, Edward will run west. If he stays on track, he will catch her scent and be able to follow it back to the newborn camp. I can't see anything after that because he keeps changing his mind. We'll head back in that direction with the gear, and meet up in three days. Garrett will call Sam, but I can't see the outcome because everything connected with them is black," Alice said quickly.
Everything was happening so fast. Edward's leaving – alone. He's going to follow Victoria to a newborn camp. What if he gets caught? What if he gets… killed? I shook violently, incapable of holding my sobs back. I have to go with him.
"Please, Edward. Let me come with you," I pleaded.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed the top of my head. "You can't," he whispered. "I promise I'll come back to you, Bella. I promise, but I need to do this – for us. I promise I'll be back in your arms in less than four days. I waited over a century for you, and thought I lost you once already, I'm never going to risk losing you again." He held his lips to my hair for a long time before he slowly pulled away and looked into my eyes. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you," I said with a shaky voice. "Come back to me," I begged quietly.
He nodded once, and then he was gone.
A/N: I'm in the process of re-editing and formatting all of the previous chapters. Hence, the new look at the top. Just a note though, the story is wrapping up soon, and I'm still debating an epilogue, and the possibility of a sequel. Let me know what you guys think, and want. We've got 6-8 chapters left. SO many of you have mentioned "Irvine" time and time again, so I decided to throw it in. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and how the song related to Bella.
Song question for the chapter: A song that reminds you of someone far away? Emphasis on the distance between you.