A/N sorry for the delay but i hope this chapter makes up for it :)

PRESENT DAY

There was so much blood.

Blood.

Where was it coming from?

She ripped the sheets and comforters off of her body, exposing the crimson puddle that lay in between her legs. She gasped, feeling the blood continue to pour out of her and onto the bed.

"Oh no no no no." She whispered to the quiet room.

She was alone. She was scared. What was she supposed to do?

Olivia turned the bedside lamp on, looking for her phone.

Who was she supposed to call?

Brian?

911?

She shook her head, wiping a stray tear off her cheek. She could hear her heart beating in her ears as she stared down at her body.

So much blood.

Her palms were sweating, and as she dialed the familiar number she prayed they would answer the phone.

"Come on come on, please pick up the phone."

"Olivia?"

"I'm sorry to be calling so late, but I, uh, I need your help please."

FLASHBACK

"I've been doing great! How are you, the kids keeping you busy?" Olivia paced back and forth in the kitchen.

"Listen, Olivia, you better thank your lucky stars everyday that you have a daughter. Living in a house with four boys, it's hard. The twins are at each other's throat day and night, Trevor has been taking extra shifts to try and pay for Kip's all-star travel team, and Kip, well…. He's just Kip."

"It sounds like you have your hands full." Olivia chuckled into the phone as she heard faint yelling coming from the other line.

"Everything alright with you and Brian?" Emily's voice comes back over the line, this time with a whole different tone.

"Of course, why do you ask?" Olivia questioned.

"Oh, um, no reason. Hey, look. I gotta get off of here but can we get lunch tomorrow? We need to talk."

They needed to talk? Olivia was very confused. For as long as she could remember, her relationship with Emily was never complicated. Olivia very rarely got along with other women, they were too this or too that, but with Emily it was so much different. Emily didn't gossip, she never lied, and she always had Olivia's back.

"Sure, is everything okay?" She finally asked.

"Tomorrow at Gerard's?" Emily said quickly.

"Sure bu-"

"Bye Liv!" Emily interrupted.

Click.

Olivia dropped the phone from her ear, brows furrowing.

Well that was really weird.

PRESENT DAY

"You are experiencing an incomplete miscarriage, Mrs. Cassidy." Doctor O'Connor informed her.

"An incomplete miscarriage?" Olivia could barely recognize her own voice.

There was that word again. Miscarriage. The needles they were sticking in her hurt, but that damn word hurt much much worse. The thought of her child's first word, first steps, first day of school- all crumbling down around her, vanishing into thin air. She was ashamed and hurt, the inability to carry her own baby leaving scars that would never heal. Olivia had lost her mother, her grandparents, even a friend from college. But this? This was different. This was worse.

"Unfortunately, these are very common in women of your age. In your case, bleeding has begun and your cervix is dilated, but tissue from the pregnancy still remains in the uterus."

"So what does that mean?" She head Joannie ask.

"Your body is unable to pass by itself, in order to decrease the chances of you hemorrhaging, I recommend we do a dilation and curettage. What that means is-" The doctor continued before Olivia held up her hand.

"I know what that means." Olivia interrupted.

"Okay then. I understand this must be very hard for you, but the sooner we do the procedure, the more likely you will be able to fully recover."

"The most important thing is to know that this is not your fault. There was nothing you could have done differently, it just happens." Joannie rubbed her arm, trying her best to comfort her.

The doctor left and a nurse came in. She checked Olivia's vital signs and gave her a pill to help with the pain. Olivia gave no fight, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. When the nurse left, Joannie cleared her throat.

"Is Brian on his way?"

"I haven't told him yet. I figured, ya know…." Olivia smiled sadly.

The thought of calling her husband had long crossed her mind. Their falling out hadn't ended on good terms, and with everything that was going on in their hectic lives, Olivia assumed it would be best not to call.

"Regardless of what the situation is, Olivia, he still loves you and I know he would want to be here with you." Her mother-in-law insisted, giving her hand a light squeeze.

"I'm not so sure of that."

"Just try and get some rest, sweetheart." Joannie spoke kindly.

She watched as Olivia laid her head back against the bed, her eyes drifting closed. The bruise on her face was now turning a pale greenish color and her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Joannie closed the door behind her, taking a deep breath she had been holding in. She knew what she had to do. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she dialed the number.

"Brian? Listen, yes I know you're busy but I need you to make your way back down here. No, I'm fine, it's not me. Olivia, she… she's in the hospital."

FLASHBACK

Making her way around the bar, Olivia quickly locked eyes with Emily. The restaurant was unusually quiet, something she was very grateful for. Olivia would be lying if she said she wasn't ecstatic about lunch with Emily. It had been a long, rough few months. Olivia was grateful and thankful for her supportive friend.

"Olivia!" Emily waved her over.

"Oh, Em. It is so good to see you!" The pair shared a quick hug and sat back down at the booth.

"How is work going?" Olivia asked, eager to catch up.

"It's different. Manhattan is like a whole different world, everyone is so…. Nice. I hate every second of it." Emily told her, casually sipping.

"Come on, it can't be that bad." Olivia gave her a toothy grin.

Emily raised her brows as she downed her second mimosa.

"Want one?" She offered.

"No thanks. I'm good." Olivia insisted. Emily shrugged her shoulders as to say 'suit yourself'.

"So tell me about the Ellen book! I am so proud of you, Liv, I knew you would do just fine without me." Emily reached her hand across the table to grab Olivia's.

"It was such an amazing experience, but I have to give Brian a lot of credit. I'm pretty sure he got tired of me talking about it all of the time." She said honestly.

Olivia watched as Emily's facial expression quickly changed.

"Em, what is it?" Olivia questioned worrily.

"Nothing, it's just- nothing. Forget it." Emily tried to dismiss.

"Don't do that, now you have to tell me."

The pair was quiet for a while. For some reason, Olivia's heart began to race. Had something happened to Emily? To her husband? Was she sick? Was she getting a divorce? Was she pregnant?

"Tell me!"

"I ran into Brian a couple weeks ago." Her friend blurted out.

Olivia's eyes widened. He had never told her he saw Emily out.

Fuck.

Oh god.

Brian knew.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Olivia? Maybe why Brian had no fucking clue that I had switched jobs months ago? Why he thought we still worked together?"

"Hey, how come Emily doesn't come around anymore? I hope I didn't scare her off or anything."

Brian's words repeated in her head.

How could she have been so fucking stupid? Cole didn't even need to tell him, he already knew. That was why he had been acting so… different. Olivia wondered how long Brian had been connecting the dots. But more importantly, why had he never said a fucking word?

"Liv?"

"I fucked up, Em." Olivia whispered, her mouth running dry.

"What did you do?" She whispered back.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She could do this. This was Emily. Her best friend.

"I- I slept with Cole." Her secret was out.

"You're having an affair? What the actual fuck?" Emily seathed.

"I know, I know. It's bad."

"Are you still sleeping with him?"

"No, I broke it off at the book signing. But he threatened to tell Brian." Olivia assured her.

"Oh for fucks sake Olivia! I'm gone for a couple of months and you ruin your whole life? Are you insane? Really?"

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, lowering her eyes to the table. Emily stared at her friend. There was something she wasn't telling her.

"There's something else, isn't there?"

Damn her for being so good at this.

"What is it?"

She raised her eyes, tears threatening to fall. Emily searched her face for a few moments before it finally clicked. She covered her mouth with her hand and let out a gasp.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Olivia's silence was all the confirmation she needed.

"Is it…"

"I don't know."

"Oh dear Lord. I'm gonna need another drink." Emily called the waiter over.

"What do I do?"

"Start from the beginning."

PRESENT DAY

"Where is she?" He yelled out shakily, still trying to catch his breath.

The drive from Long Island had been nerve wracking.

"Brian!" His mother beckoned him over.

"Is she okay? What happened? Did something happen to her?" He rambled on.

"Calm down, son. She is doing okay, considering…"

"Considering what?"

"She lost the baby."

His heart sank. The past few days had been hectic to say the least. He fucked up, she fucked up, and now here they were in a hospital mourning the death of their innocent unborn child. Brian regretted his actions and the hateful words he had lashed out to at Olivia. There was no way he could ever begin to apologize to her or make things right, but he was going to try.

"What's her room number?"

"She doesn't know you're here, she asked me not to call you." Joannie told him reluctantly.

"I need to see her, Ma, please."

"Down the hall, first door on your right."

The walk to his wife's room seemed like an eternity, but when he came back to the present he found himself standing outside her door. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

"Knock knock."

"Can I come in?" She closed her eyes and laid her head back down.

"I told your mom I was fine. You didn't need to come."

"Of course I needed to come."

Her eyes shifted to her hands, the ability to look at him growing harder and harder. The cramping in her lower abdomen had been excruciating before the charge nurse had given her some pain medicine, but that was a few hours ago. For now, the pain was back and worse than ever. A wave passed over her and she let out a low moan, squeezing her eyes shut.

"You okay?" Suddenly Brian was beside her bed, reaching a hand out to her.

"Yeah, just peachy." Olivia retorted, her fingers clenching the sheets.

"Are you in pain? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"I'm fine." She said through gritted teeth.

She couldn't do this. She was not strong enough for it. The positive feeling of bringing a child into the world, that everything would be okay, now snatched away from her soul.

"Doctor said it was normal to experience cramping when…. When you're…." She choked on a sob, finally looking at her husband.

Having a miscarriage.

There was that fucking word again.

She lost it then. Every emotion she had bottled up over the past few months pouring out of her. She felt the tears streaming down her face, the sobs wrenching her body, then Brians arms wrapping around her. They cried together- they cried for the hurt, for the confusion, for the wrongdoing, for the lies, for their baby.

"Why didn't you call me?" He finally spoke, his voice hoarse and shaky.

"I figured you would be relieved, ya know? Considering..."

I was carrying another man's child.

"Hey, don't do that." Brian cuts her off before she can finish. Wrapping his hands around her head, caressing her cheek with his thumb, he reaches for her eyes- begging her to look at him, to understand. "Look at me, look at me, Olivia. No matter what happened, this was our baby. I would've raised and loved this kid no differently, do you understand me? No matter what, Olivia. It's me and you, baby, me and you."

"I'm so sorry, Bri." She cries as he holds her. Finally letting go and no longer holding back, she lets it all out.

"Shh baby, it's okay. I got you, it's okay."

FLASHBACK

He waits in the bar, checking his phone.

1:43.

He shakes his head, throwing a bill down on the table and gathering his things to leave.

"Brian!" He hears.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic." Cole explains.

Cole holds his hand out to shake Brian's, but when Brian makes no effort to shake it, he withdraws.

"Want something to drink?" The man offers.

"I'm fine."

"Alright." Cole accepts and calls the bartender over.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"It's about my wife." Brian watches as Cole shifts in his chair.

"Olivia? Is everything alright?"

"She's fine, she's just been acting strange."

Brian watches as the man swallows, a clear indication he was uncomfortable.

"Well she has been very busy. I was ecstatic when she called and told me she was taking the week off, you know how she is. All work and no play." Cole chuckled, taking another sip.

"How long has Emily Sanders been gone from the company?"

"Emily?" Cole asked, taken aback. "Gee, I don't know. A couple months, maybe?"

Brian only nods his head.

"Why do you ask?"

"Do you have any idea of why my wife might have forgot to mention her departure?" He scratches his chin.

"No, her and Emily were two of my best workers, very close. Are you sure she didn't tell you?"

"I would have remembered if she told me." Brian demanded.

"Right, I didn't mean it like that." Cole swallowed. "Have you talked to Olivia about this?"

"She's either been working or out of town, I haven't had much time to talk to her about anything."

"I see."

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Brian sat quietly, kicking himself for being such an idiot. Interrogating her boss? What was he thinking? As he got up to leave, he saw Cole's phone laying on the bar, lit up with a message.

"Cole, we need to talk. ASAP. Call me? Please?"

It was from his wife.

"Sorry about that, man. You sure you don't want a drink?" Cole called over, making his way back to his seat.

He watched intently as Cole picked up his phone and read the message.

"I actually have to get back to the station. Thanks again." Brian threw back, grabbing his coat and walking out of the restaurant. When he was sure Brian had left, he dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" Olivia asked him in a hushed tone.

"Just leaving O'Malleys, your husband called and asked if I would meet him for lunch." He hears her mumble a curse word under her breath.

"He called you? Why?

"He asked me why you never mentioned your partner getting a new job. I didn't tell him I've been fucking his wife though, he seemed too angry."

"Did you say anything?" Olivia questioned angrily.

"I didn't need to, he's a detective, Olivia. He'll put the pieces together."

"Cole, I am begging you. Please do not tell him."

"Then don't make me, Olivia. It would be better coming from you anyways."

"Cole.." She pleaded.

"Gotta go, Livia. Always a pleasure hearing your sweet voice."

FLASHBACK

She heard the front door unlock and then slam behind him. She got up from the couch, meeting him in the dining room.

"Hey, are you just now getting off?" Olivia asked him.

"Why do you care?" He slurred, passing her to get a beer from the fridge. He reeked of beer and cigarettes, an obvious indicator that he had been at the bar.

"Elliot wanted you to tuck her in, I was just worried about you, that's all."

She watched as he cracked open a beer, drinking almost half of it before he set it on the counter.

"You ever get ahold of Cole?"

"I did." She swallows.

"So then you know we had lunch together?" Brian pushes.

"He mentioned it."

"He tell you what we talked about?"

"He did."

"So?"

"Brian-" She starts.

"How long have you been sleeping with your boss, Olivia?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter?"

Her heart is beating fast. She can't breathe. Her world is crashing down around her. Her marriage- ruined. Their family? In shambles.

She stares at the tile on the floor, her eyes glassy.

"How. Long." He grits through his teeth. He is close to her now, she can feel his hot breath on her neck.

He is drunk and angry and she's not sure she can blame him.

"Bri…" She tries again but he is not having it.

She feels the tug before she can process what is going on. He grabs a fistful of her hair and yanks her head up and around to face him. She whimpers and reaches up to grab his hands, an attempt to wrench him off of her.

"You look me in the fucking eye and you answer me." He yells in her face now.

"I'm sorry, Brian, please."

He lets her go and runs a hand down his face. He begins pacing the floor.

"For years I gave you everything, Olivia. I gave you my heart and fucking soul. I gave you a child, I gave you a home, I provided for our family and this is how you repay me? Was it not enough?"

"FUCKING TELL ME OLIVIA!"

"Brian, please calm down." She cries.

"Did you not think I was gonna find out? Do you honestly think I'm that fucking gullible, Olivia."

"I was going to tell you."

"When? You're gonna honestly stand there and tell me you were planning to come clean?" He throws back.

"I swear to God I was going…."

"Just don't Olivia. Fucking save it."

"I never meant to hurt you, I swear, Brian."

"Do you even hear yourself right now? You never meant to hurt me? What the hell did you think was going to happen when you started fucking your boss?"

She doesn't reply. Because, truthfully, she has nothing to say. She had no idea what she was thinking, she fucked up epically. The tears continue to stream down her face, she chokes back a sob as she reaches for his hands.

"Will you please just calm down and we can talk about this, Brian?"

SMACK.

She stumbles backwards, the impact of his hand sending her to the ground.

He hit her.

She is in shock as she begins sobbing uncontrollably, holding her hand over the swelling mark on her face. She looks up at him, expecting him to apologize, to beg her for forgiveness. But all she is met with is his piercing eyes, now jet black and bloodshot from the alcohol. She doesn't even recognize him.

"Get up." He demands.

When she makes no efforts to move, he bends over to grab her and pull her up by her arms. Olivia is now shaking and she lets out a whimper.

"I told you to get the fuck up." He slams her against the wall, millimeters away from her face. She can smell the faintness of cigarette and tequila on his breath. She attempts to turn her face away, but he grabs hold of her and forces her to make eye contact with him.

He can see the fear in her eyes. He would never think to ever lay a hand on his wife, the mother of his child. But this is not his wife. He swears to God and whoever the fuck else that he would never lay a hand on a woman, but right now he could kill her.

"Was it worth it?"

Silence.

He shakes her head until she opens her eyes.

"Huh? Was it?" He screams in her face.

She shakes her head 'no'.

She feels his grip tighten as he speaks.

"I trusted you, Olivia. I had my suspicions for awhile, but I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. With Emily, with the late night work calls, with the never coming home. You missed our daughter's ballet recital for fucks sake. For what? Some quick screw on the desk?" His words are laced with anger and hate.

"I'm-"

"Don't you fucking tell me you're sorry. You don't get to be sorry anymore." Brian pushes himself off of her.

He grabs her phone from the counter, taunting it at her for a few seconds before unlocking it.

"They on here? Huh? All the messages?"

She doesn't reply.

"They under 'Emily'? Yeah, here they are. 'I miss your mouth, your lips, your tongue….'"

"Brian ple-"

"Get out."

"I said get out." He screams, chucking her phone at the wall causing the glass picture frame to shatter and fall onto the floor.

"Mommy?" Her daughters words fill her ears.

They both turn to face her. She is rubbing the sleep from her eyes, a stuffed rabbit hanging limply at her side.

"Hey baby girl. What're you doing up?" Olivia whispers, crouching down to pick her up.

"You guys were yelling. What happened, Mommy." Her daughter touches the bruise on her cheek.

"Elliot, go back to bed." Brian demands.

"But I'm scared." Elliot curls into her mother's shoulder,

"Elliot. Go to bed. Now."

"Brian." Olivia wide eyes him, a silent plea to stop yelling.

"I am going to count to five and if your ass isn't up those stairs by then…." Brian ignores his wife, and reaches to grab Elliot.

"Mommy!" Elliot clutches onto her, turning from her father's grasp.

"Brian, stop!" Olivia steps back, holding the back of her daughters head to her.

"So now you wanna act like you care about her?" Brian slurs, continuing on with his drunken rage.

"Shh, baby. It's okay, let's get you tucked in, alright?" Olivia ignores him and makes her way up the stairs.

Olivia lays her daughter down, pulling the blankets over her and tucking her in tightly. She hands her a stuffed animal that Elliot gladly accepts. Olivia strokes her cheek with her finger.

"Why was Daddy so upset?" The little girl questions. She was always so aware.

"He's just tired, baby. I promise he didn't mean to yell at you." Olivia reassures her, smiling sadly.

Elliot nods her head.

"Get some rest, honey. I love you." She kisses her forehead, hearing the front door slam again.

"I love you so much."

FLASHBACK

"Brian? What're you doing here? What time is it?" Joannie answered the door, clutching her robe tightly.

"It's late Ma, you care if I sleep here tonight?" Brian bowed his head.

"Of course not, come in." She opened the door and let him in.

"Are you okay?" She came up behind him.

"I'm fucking fantastic."

He plopped down on the couch and kicked off his shoes.

"You gonna tell me what happened or do I have to pry it out of you?" Joannie asked, sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

"I could use a drink right now." He told her honestly.

"Smells like you've had enough for the night."

"I don't need this, Ma. I gotta work early in the morning and I could use some sleep." Brian shrugged off his coat and patted one of the pillows. He watches his mother roll her eyes before going into the kitchen.

"Are you and Olivia fighting?" She asked returning and handing him a glass of water and two tylenol.

"She's been having an affair with her boss for three months. So yeah, we're fighting." Brian took the glass.

Joannie noticed the swelling of his knuckles and took a ragged breath. This was not good at all.

"What did you do?" She swallowed.

"What did I do?" He snorted.

"I've done nothing but love her. I've done nothing but sacrifice my fucking happiness to make sure our daughter can get a good education, so that she can have a roof over her head, shoes on her fucking feet."

"So what? You knocked some sense into her? Think beating your wife is the right answer, Brian?" Joannie threw back.

"I didn't beat her."

"I know damn well I did not raise you to ever lay on a hand on a woman. Out of all the people in the world, I would think you would know what that was like."

"Don't start with that shit, Ma. Dad was a self righteous drunken asshole, he never gave a damn about us!" Brian hollered back at her, rising to his feet and pacing the carpet.

"But he made sure you were fed. That you had a place to sleep. That you had clothes on your back. Do you know what I see when I look at you, Brian? I see an angry man, I see a hurt human being, but that does not give you any kind of justice to hitting the mother of your child." She shoved a finger in his chest.

"You want your daughter growing up thinking it's okay for a man to push her around? Do you?" She grabbed his chin, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "You can be angry all you want to, you have the right to be. But the next time you ever think about laying a hand on her, don't you dare show up at my doorstep."

"What did I do wrong? Why doesn't she love me, Ma?" Brian broke down, crying into his mother's shoulder.