A/N hey guys, long time no see! i am so so so sorry for my absence- my original plan was to update around Halloween as i had a chapter in this fic already typed up but things came up and honestly i just got out of the groove. then i decided i would update on Christmas, but long story short seeing as tho i am just now uploading this chapter... i have a couple ideas in store so just let me know what you guys think! love ya don't forget to leave a review please and thank u

FLASHBACK

"Can I come in?"

She moved out of the way to let him pass her, closing the door silently behind him.

"Where's El?" He questioned, scanning the room to find their daughter nowhere to be found.

"Upstairs, playing in her room." Olivia spoke softly, not making eye contact with him.

Her face was red and puffy from crying, and her eyes showed him that she hadn't gotten any sleep last night. And that damn black eye. It screamed at him, haunting him of the reality of his actions. He could sense the uncomfortableness. He could cut the tension with a fucking knife. Brian always considered himself to be a leader, to take action in any situation. But standing with Olivia in the home they shared, he had never been so unsure of himself. What was he to say? How was he to fix this?

"We need to talk, Liv." Is all he was able to come up with.

She only nodded her head, her attention returning to the laundry room. She walked through the hall, Brian following closely behind her. He watched her as she began folding the pile of clothes, tears threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry." He tried.

She halted, one of his work shirts still in hand, raising her head to look at him.

"That man, the one I saw last night? I never want to see him again, Bri…"

He understood exactly where she was coming from.

"I know, I should've never acted like that. I didn't mean to scare you, Livia. I was just- so angry, I just couldn't understand how the one person I trusted could betray me like that." He paused, trying to find the right words to say.

She drops the shirt and braces herself against the washer, head sinking between her shoulders. His words cut her deep. They both fucked up. There was nothing else to say. She knows deep down in her heart she had no intentions of causing harm to her husband, and she swears to God and whoever else is listening that she would go back and change it if she could. But she can't, she decides. She can only fix it from here. The silence between them speaks louder than any words right now.

"What did I do wrong?" Brian's voice breaks, and she thinks she can feel her heart breaking.

"Don't do that, Brian. This is not your fault."

"There had to be something I did for you to feel that way."

"Feel what way?"

"Neglected."

"I did not feel neglected, Brian."

"Then tell me! Tell me what I did so I can fucking fix this, Olivia!"

"I don't know what to say, okay? I don't know why I did it! I know it makes no sense but I did not...sleep with Cole because I wasn't getting enough attention from you."

"Did you think I didn't love you? Did you think that I didn't appreciate you? Tell me what to do, Olivia. Tell me how to fix this!" His voice raises.

"You are the most caring and loving man I have ever met in my entire life, Bri." She turns and places her hand on his chest. "You are an amazing father and not a day goes by that I regret ever marrying you."

She cups his face, "I fucked up, okay? And I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix this, I will do whatever it takes because I love you so fucking much."

The next thing that registers is Brian's lips crashing down onto hers. She is taken aback at first, his hands coming up to tangle in her hair. He is demanding, forcing her mouth open, forcing her to take him. Their kiss is passionate and full of need. Before she knows it, she is wrapping her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. His hands are everywhere- her breasts, her torso, her ass. Brian reaches down to grab her thighs, hoisting her onto the dryer. She lets out a moan, the vibrations of the machine driving straight to her core. He pulls back finally, trailing his tongue down to the column of her throat, nipping at the sensitive skin there.

"I love you." He groans into her shoulder, reaching between their bodies to slip his hand into the material of her leggings.

She lolls her head back, hanging limply from his body. Her heart is racing, and she can't help but feel that this is wrong. She is guilty.

"I love you so fucking much it kills me." He grunts, and suddenly he is forcing two fingers inside of her. She cries out at the rough intrusion, but he swallows her moans. Setting a firm pace, his palm rocks into her clit with each thrust of his fingers. Her nails are digging into his shoulder blades, surely leaving marks. The room is filled with Olivia's muffled cries and the sound of his hand clapping against her opening.

"Tell me you love me." He whispers in her ear before biting down on it.

She knows what he's doing. He is stretching her, he is marking her, he is fucking her, he is making her his. She can feel the familiar burn in her stomach, the fire begging to be put out.

"Pleassee." She whines, faltering his movements.

"Tell me." Brian demands, pulling his fingers out slowly before shoving them back inside of her.

"Uhhh." Olivia whimpers into his shirt, gripping him for dear life.

"I want to hear you say it."

She shakes her head, reaching for his hand to get him to stop. She can't do this. She has to tell him. But Brian is relentless, taking both of her wrists in one of his hands and pinning them against her chest. The action forcing her further onto the dryer, her clit coming into contact with it's vibrations again. Her back arches and she twists in his hold, her last attempt to free herself from his grasp, from her conscious.

"Briiii, please. I c-can't." Olivia endeavors before he releases her wrists, clamping his hand over her mouth.

"Say. It.." He nips at her earlobe and her eyes roll back into her head. She is shaking, trembling, the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She whimpers when she feels him add a third finger, stretching her further.

Her eyes widen and it's a good thing his hand is covering her mouth. His hand stifles the scream that wrenches from the back of her throat. With a few more thrusts and twists of his fingers, her walls begin clamping down around him. He holds her tightly against his chest as she cums, never letting up.

"I- I love, oh fuck Bri!" She tries to make out before her second orgasm takes over her body. Then suddenly, his hand covers her mouth again and he stops.

They both still, hearing the sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs. She hears Brian curse under his breath, withdrawing his fingers from inside of her. He helps her down from the dryer before emerging to the kitchen, leaving her alone.

What the fuck had she done? Brian had surprised her, being so easy to forgive her for her mistakes. It was just her luck that he hadn't found out, that she hadn't told him about her pregnancy. Smoothing her hair and clothes, she steps out of the laundry room.

"How was school?" Olivia heard her husband's voice coming from the kitchen. She rounded the corner of the hall, not being able to hold back a smile at the sight before her.

Brian sat at the bar, Elliot in his lap informing him of her hard day of kindergarten. Brian looked up and smiled at her, placing a kiss on the side of his daughters head.

"When are we goin' to the beach, Daddy?"

"I almost forgot about that." He looked up at Olivia, sending her a questioning look.

With what they had going on the past few days, their idea of a perfect getaway somehow slipped both of their minds. DId he expect them to still go? They hadn't even talked things through without him shoving his hand down her pants. But they had promised their daughter a week away from the city, and it would break her heart if she had to break that promise.

"Hey El, what do you think about you and Daddy going away for the week, huh? Just the two of you?" Olivia proposed, gaining a look from Brian.

"Really?" Elliot's ears perked up and a grin crossed her face. "Daddy, can we?!"

"Of course we can, sweet girl." Brian ruffled her hair.

"I'm so excitement!" Their daughter screamed.

"Excited, El. You are so excited." Olivia chuckled, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I have'ta go get ready!"

They watched as their daughter skipped to the staircase, smiling softly as she proceeded up the stairs and into her room.

"You sure you don't want to come?" He breaks the ice.

She shifts then, her confession right on the tip of her tongue. It would be so easy. Just to blurt it out. To get everything out in the open. No more secrets, no more lies. They could finally start over. And just when she thinks she can do it, she panics.

"I think it would be good for the two of you to spend some time together, don't ya think?" Olivia offers, now busying herself with the dishes.

"Right."

"Are we- um, are we good?" Brian questions as he rounds the bar, stepping closer to her.

She turns and smiles at him then. She really did love him with her whole being. He notices the glassiness of her eyes and pulls her in for a hug. She stills at the embrace, feeling him kiss her forehead, careful of the shadowing bruise on her face.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers, clenching her eyes shut, her grip on his shoulders now tightening.

He pulls back, holding her head in his hands.

"We're gonna be okay, we're gonna get through this." He tells her.

She shakes her head. But they weren't.

"What's goin' on, Liv?" Brian searches her eyes, pleading with her to let him help. "Talk to me baby, why're you crying?"

"I don't want you to hate me." She whispers. She wasn't lying, the thought of Brian never wanting to see her again made her physically ill.

"Hey, come on. I could never hate you, you know that." He smiles but falters when he notices she is being serious. They stare at each other for a few moments before she speaks.

"I never meant for this to happen, Brian. You gotta believe me."

"Liv, you're scaring me."

"I'm pregnant."

She would never be able to explain the look on his face. She watched as his blank expression turned angry- he connected the dots. His hands immediately dropped and he took a step away from her. He shook his head, placing his hand over his mouth. He looks betrayed, hurt even.

"I'm so sorry, Brian." She reaches for him but he takes another step back.

"You didn't use- you- it's not mine?" He is at a loss for words.

"I don't know." She answers honestly.

"Daddy, I'm all ready!" Elliot yells from the hall before entering the kitchen. She looks at both parents and pauses for a brief second before she walks over to hug Olivia.

"It's okay, Mommy. I'll be back, you don't have to cry."

Olivia smiles and reaches down to pick her up. She gives her a squeeze and kisses her until Elliot squirms.

"Mommy, mommy! Okay, mommy enough!" Her daughter squeals before running over to Brian.

"Ready to go, stinker?" Brian interrupts, ruffling her hair again.

"Did you bring your bathing suits?" Olivia questions, her motherly instinct coming out of her.

"Yes, I brought all of them."

"Did you bring extra underwear and pajamas?"

"Yes, Momma!" She answers annoyingly, making her way to the door.

Olivia follows the pair out to the car, watching while Brian opens the door and gets their daughter situated in the car. She can't help but smile, remembering all the times she had watched this same scene. Brian would always double check that Elliot was buckled in properly, had a stuffed animal, and was comfortable. He would turn on a movie in the back seat for her and place a kiss on her forehead. He really was a great dad, and Elliot most definitely had him wrapped around her little finger.

"Okay, just checking. Be careful and have fun, I love you so much pretty girl."

"Love you too, Mommy!" She gives her a kiss.

Olivia closes the door behind her and walks over to the driver's side window.

"Call me when you get there, please?"

"Okay."

"Brian…"

"Not now, Olivia."

"Okay, drive safe and be careful." She replies but he is already rolling the window back up. She takes a step away from the car and watches as Brian backs out of the driveway and takes off.

She watches the car until it disappears from her vision, then looking down at her stomach.

"Looks like it's just you and me, baby."

FLASHBACK

"Olivia, I wasn't expecting you. Come in, have a seat." Cole stands up from his desk.

"I just stopped by to give you these." She throws the keys of the car he had so joyfully given her onto his desk. "And to tell you that I quit."

With that, she turns on her heels and walks to the door. As she goes to open it, she feels his hand wrap around her arm.

"Come on, Olive."

"Don't call me that. And don't fucking touch me." She jerks her arm back.

"What happened there, huh?" He points to the bruise on her face. "I take it you told him."

"Go to hell." Olivia spits back, making another attempt to leave. Cole slams his hand against the door, slamming it shut.

"You're so naive, do you know that? You came to me because you felt 'unloved', remember that? I made you feel alive again, Olivia. There is no need to feel guilty here, sweetheart. You owe no explanation to anyone." He is close to her now, centimeters from her face.

"You really think things are going to work with him? What kind of mother are you?"

She slaps him across the face, finally having enough of his shit. He was a self righteous son-of-a-bitch, he had it coming for awhile.

"Don't ever talk about my daughter, do you understand me?"

Cole chuckles, rubbing his cheek. "If he beats the woman he loves, Olivia, what's going to stop him from beating his child?"

"And by the way, congratulations on the baby."

She turns and stares at him, begging him to say another word so she can knock the fuck out of him again.

"What, you think I didn't know?" He presses.

"I'm done, Cole. I never want to see you again."

"I want a paternity test Olivia, if that is my baby I am going to raise it."

"Like hell you are!"

"I have rights, sweetheart. So I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, won't we?" Cole returns to his desk, taking a seat.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He calls, laughing as she slams the door behind her.

FLASHBACK

"Okay, Mrs. Cassidy, I need you to sign these consent forms. They are just stating that you are aware of the procedure and that you have agreed to the operation."

"Before we get started, I am going to ask that you use the restroom and change into this gown. Then we will give you an epidural, are you familiar with that?"

"Yes, I've had one before with my daughter."

"Perfect. After a few minutes you will be numb from the waist down. If for any reason you are not fully numbed or feel anything, let us know and we will increase the dosage of anesthesia."

The doctor excused her to the restroom while they began setting up the equipment. Brian raced to Olivia's bedside to assist her in getting to the bathroom. He put his arm around her waist, holding the gown out to her. As they enter the the room, he closes the door silently and leans against it. Olivia begins undressing and sits on the toilet. A few moments pass and neither one of them has spoken a word. Brian pinches the bridge of his nose and crouches down beside her, putting a hand on her knee.

"Talk to me." He pleades.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore." His wife sobs into her hands.

Brian stills for a second, gathering his thoughts. He looks up, silently awaiting an answer. Why him? Why his family? Why his wife? Why his baby? A gut wrenching cry escapes her lips as she clutches her stomach.

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. Take a deep breath okay." He envelops her in his arms, holding her so tightly he is sure neither of them can breathe. When she makes no attempt to stop, he takes her shoulders in his hands. She looks into his eyes and watches as he sucks in a puff of air and blows it out slowly.

"Deep breaths, alright? C'mon, don't leave me hanging here looking like an idiot." He inhales deeply again, blowing out when she finally mimics his actions.

"Good girl."

The pair sit close together, foreheads touching, as he helps her put on the gown. When he finally ties the knot, she speaks.

"I'm scared, Brian."

"I know you are, but I promise you, everything is going to be alright."

She jerks backwards from his embrace, "How can you sit there and tell me everything is going to be alright? We are in the emergency room of a hospital while our child is being scraped out of my body and thrown into a trash bag like- like some kind of roadkill."

"I think we should bury her." He nearly whispers.

"Her?"

"The baby, I mean."

"You think we would've had another girl?"

"Just my luck I'd be outnumbered." His eyes glance up towards hers and they share a smile.

"I want her to be buried. She deserves that, at least."

"Yeah, she does." He nods.

"She." Olivia whispers. "Our sweet little baby girl."

PRESENT

"Hey there, how ya holding up?" A familiar voice calls from the doorway.

"Emily!" Olivia smiles, sitting up in bed.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course, here sit. You need anything?" Brian insists, offering her the chair he was sitting in.

"I'm good, thanks Brian." She pats his shoulder as she makes her way to Olivia's bed.

"I'm gonna step out and call Sara, make sure everything's going okay." Brian tells them, giving them some privacy.

"Tell Ellie I said I love her." Olivia cooes.

"So? I take it he knows." Emily finally chimes in.

"It's a long story."

Emily watches as Olivia's eyes flutter and her head falls back against the bed.

"Doc got ya drugged up?" She chuckles.

"Mmmhmm. Feelin' pretty good right now."

"Yea, I bet. What're the chances of you slipping me one of those happy pills, huh?" Emily jokes, gaining another laugh from her friend. "I'm glad he's here, ya know? You shouldn't be going through this alone."

"I'm not alone. I got my best friend to help me work through all my shit, right?" Olivia holds Emily's hand tightly.

"Of course you do. There's no place I'd rather be. Honestly. Trevor is watching the kids so I'm yours for the whole day." She gives it a light squeeze.

"Hungry?" Emily questions. She watches as Olivia's eyes light up.

"I could really go for a cheeseburger right now." Olivia moans.

"I'm on it."

"Extra pickles and-"

"Two pieces of cheese. I know."

Olivia smiled.

Maybe she would be okay after all.

FLASHBACK

"You are going to feel some pressure, but that is to be expected. So, just relax and this will be over in about 10 minutes. Okay?"

"Okay.

As Olivia lay in the hospital bed, a team of doctors and nurses at her feet, and Brian at her side- she had never felt so alone. She was no longer in pain, the effects of the drugs had long numbed her body. An occasional tear would stream down her face and she could feel the light squeeze of Brian's hand.

For Brian, there was nothing worse than to see his wife in so much pain. He wished he could make it all go away, knowing no one deserved this. Especially not Olivia. He watched as her face continued to scrunch up and her breathing falter.

"Are you doing alright, Mrs. Cassidy?" The doctor asked.

Olivia sniffled and nodded her head, staring up at the ceiling.

"I know this is hard, but just think happy thoughts, okay? You told me you had a daughter, why don't you tell me about her?" One of the nurses asked.

"What's her name?"

"Elliot. Elliot Gray." Brian answered, stroking Olivia's hair.

"She weighed 8 pounds and 6 ½ ounces. She had a full head of hair and the prettiest eyes." Olivia added, turning to smile at Brian.

"She sounds beautiful." The nurse smiled.

"I remember when Elliot was born, you were so scared. For months you told me you wanted an all natural birth. Your mom told you to take whatever the doctors would give you, but you insisted. No matter what anyone said, you were always so stubborn." Brian reminisced, gaining a chuckle from his wife.

"What was I thinking?"

"And then after the first few contractions, you all but begged the nurses to give you an epidural. I thought you were going to bite that poor lady's head off. But you were so strong, you still are."

Olivia closed her eyes and smiled, trying to picture the image in her head.

"And when the doctor handed her over to you, I swear to God I have never been so happy in my entire life. She never cried, she just stared up at you. You two just looked into each other's eyes for the longest time, it was like she knew who you were."

"You are the most amazing mother, Olivia. You are compassionate and nurturing and that little girl thinks the world of you. I know it's gonna be hard, but we're gonna get through it. I'm not going anywhere."