Warning for PTSD, depression, anger issues, and past implied abuse. Also allusions to sexism.

Chapter Two: If You Live Past Childhood, At Least, At Least…

I don't like hospitals, or needles. I don't like white coats or flickering lightbulbs. All of those things remind me of pain, of the gaping hole in my head. It reminds me of how cowardly I am.

Her first day awake after making it home from the fight had been sticky and hot. A week after beating the Chrono Core, a week after losing almost all of her main team, there she was, boiling from the inside out. It started to go down after three days but she hurt too much to care. She had simply rolled over and gone back to sleep. She hadn't noticed the weight, tiny and unnoticeable as it was. She didn't notice as she stumbled from room to room, heading towards the carefully pushed away bathroom. She made it there and promptly threw up.

There wasn't much to it for her thankfully. She had had at most had soup broth and crackers the whole week because while she had been starving food had not been what she wanted. It had been something else and everything had been locked up and she had hated it but going out had sounded worse.

Not to mention every other self loathing thought had made its home in her head. Those had made it difficult enough to chew.

The heat, finally gone from her body but not the outside, made her skin tingle. She rubbed her eyes and started to totter forward towards her bathroom.

She had heard her puppet bear squeak a greeting from the other side and managed to nod. Her head throbbed, cotton fuzz in her mouth and dried tear tracks on her face. Her hands were dried bloody, left unclean from all the fighting.

She went to stand up and then moved to the sink. Her long purple and messy hair, like handwriting scrawls, lifted from her bare back for a moment. She didn't pay any attention. Then again, to be fair, she wasn't really thinking about anything in particular. If she tried, her mind would turn to disintegration and screaming.

Something shifted past her hip. She looked down to see a white and blue rabbit, her rabbit, stubbornly clutching her fingers and leading her to the bath.

"Luna?" Sayo croaked. Her throat burned, swollen. "What's up?"

"Don't look at the mirror," she murmured and Sayo, too tired to think of the why, obeyed.

But as the bath ran, her brain couldn't help but turn. And in the steaming bathwater, her reflection slowly grew clear before her eyes.

There wasn't a scrawny girl staring back at her now. Her sharply angled face had suddenly softened, heart-shaped and accenting the small size of her mouth and nose. Her olive skin was darker all around from the week splayed over her sheets, refusing clothes or any kind of fabric, tossing and turning and forgetting to let the sun set on her Tamer Home because it had seemed so irrelevant. She could see the lines of muscle that had been forming more over the past few months, as she had trained and worked harder than before, as her body had started to rebel. The scars of childhood were almost pink on her skin. She could see the swell of her breasts, and she didn't like it much.

A young woman, or the societal mocking definition of one, blinked back at her. She would be someone's definition of beautiful if it weren't for her haggard eyes, she assumed. But Sayo didn't see a woman on the cusp of adulthood, and considering the transition to this had been picking up more as the years went on, it wasn't something that really could be avoided. Still, she felt sick again.

She let out a choked sob, laughing almost with it. "Luna… I look like my mom."

Yes, she was her mother at sixteen, dark and pretty and deadly. All things considered, with her babies dead, it was all too accurate of a comparison.

I'm not fond of pain, but I'm very good at enduring it. I'm not good at defense but I have good counters. When I want to. I mean, I suppose I would be a better fighter if I wanted to be. But that's the truth about everything. Does that mean that they died because I didn't want them to live? I bet that's the case.

There was a huff of air and Sayo turned, nerves aflame. Nothing. At first. The sunlight was obscuring something. Something gray and washed out -like her mind felt, too tired to actually put anything real to words- floated there, spinning and spiraling with some unknown power. It touched her fingers and she jerked her hand back. As she did, however, the tiny thing changed shape, spiraling from a simple little orb into the rough figure of a small child. Black, wispy hair almost covered gray eyes narrowed with discomfort. It was trying to be annoyed.

"You defeated me," it said in this high little voice that almost sounded familiar to her. "You are the victor. You should not look like you are the one in pain."

"Chrono Core." Sayo felt the words fall out of her mouth, not in surprise, but in a calm sort of realization. Then she turned away. It should have been something to concern her, to scare her, to make her call the chief. She should have felt anger, staring at the thing that had murdered so many people she loved But the water was still steaming hot, and she'd been comatose for a week or so. She pressed her toes to the water.

"I beat you," Sayo finally said after she was almost entirely submerged in the bath. "But that doesn't mean I won."

"I call him Keiichi."

Taiki helped her fold a sheet as she spoke, then another. "And you've had the one who blasted CITY nearly back into gang wars part two just hanging out here for the past year and a half." He didn't sound irritated. In fact, he sounded impressed. "Sounds like something I would do."

Keiichi floated behind her. disgruntled frown twisting his little face. Like always, he tended to be quiet unless it was just Sayo and her Digimon in the room. "I thought that after a while," Sayo admitted, letting him take the rest and going to her pillowcases. She shook one out. "But he's never done anything. He just… he was just a little kid." That didn't really excuse anything. However, the assumption always was 'we have done worse'.

"Well, as long as he doesn't cause any trouble," Taiki shrugged. "I don't see a problem. Anyone else know?"

"Yeah but even Julia doesn't care." Another snap of a pillowcase.

Taiki placed the cover in the appropriate hamper before going to remove the curtain. She was a little amused that he was helping, but then, that would get them both home faster. Also it was Taiki. When wasn't he helping people for no reason? "She's not taking this well, huh?"

"She is not a happy Dark Dragon owner," Sayo agreed, lips twitching. "Still too few Tamers for all the homes they keep preparing. My replacement's just getting mine."

"Do you know them?"

Sayo paused, glancing at her now off digivice (Yuki had been dragged off for work) and then nodded. "Yeah, you know the guy who made GateDisks?" She doubted Koh liked the title but it did give him street credit.

Taiki snorted. "Yeah, a bit. Not much about him. The technicians in the Platinum sector hate his guts. They had been working on that for ages then he just walked in with a fancy product and they had to go to something new."

Sayo wondered if Koh knew. Or cared. Did she care? "Ah. Well, it's his sister." At Taiki's raised eyebrow, she shrugged. "She's getting Night Claw designation until her anger issues are handled better than 'I'm handling it' every time her higher ups catch her with her fist in someone else's mouth after something stupid. She'll be going in here in a few weeks after the thing is scrubbed of me. Except Phascomon. He gets to stay."

"Lucky him."

Sayo glanced at him. "It's all right, you know. Kinda happy to be going."

"You don't lose six digimon in under two years, along with everything else that's gone on and be all right, Sayo." Taiki smiled grimly. "Speaking from experience."

Sayo chuckled dryly. "Uncle Shinta's going to make sure I'm all right, since dad's on Earth."

"I must have passed him." Taiki recognized the subject change as what it was and let it go. "He's got your mom's partner on him, right?"

"Yep." Sayo took a moment to climb up the mattress to reach the dream catcher overhead (which never worked anyway, surprise) "His is too big and he's supposedly training some poor sod." Sayo's few memories of her dad's partner included that he wasn't allowed to sit at the dinner table and he liked to shout a lot for some reason. Never good for the heart. His two friends, the… Sistermons? They were good though.

Taiki chuckled. "I guess someone has to be covert. That's clearly not me."

"Not even close, Taiki." Sayo shook her head. "I'm really surprised it took this long."

Taiki let her jump to the floor as he lifted the final sheet off, watching the bed disperse into data. He shook his head and sighed. "They've been avoiding this place as much as possible. They're in mourning."

"They've been in mourning for years." A spark of irritation entered her voice, almost making her jump. "I wasn't even allowed a month before that 'get off your ass' letter came in. They wanted to get rid of me, they should have done it then. Maybe Luna wouldn't have gone out like that." She then laughed after she spoke. "Oh no wait, it's me, she would have."

She was harping on it, on the Holy Beasts, a little, but… was that such a bad thing? Wasn't it good that she cared?

Annie would be able to answer that better than her.

Taiki smiled a bit more to cover her, even to make her feel better. "Who knows? They needed someone to take care of the Demon Lord wraiths, and you had proved to be strong enough."

"More like stupid enough." They weren't even full Demon Lords. They were like ... cardboard cutouts of Demon Lords. What was the big deal?

"More like disposable." Taiki clicked his tongue. "So, yeah, you're just giving me more fuel than what I already had. But for what it's worth, I doubt the decision was unanimous."

"I'll see when I get there." She went to the clothes dangling off of her last hook. "I'm going to go change while my bathroom's still around."

"Probably a good idea." He grinned a bit too wide. "Your clothes fit?"

Sayo felt her olive face darken. "I was hoping you hadn't noticed the puberty."

Taiki failed to contain his amusement, sitting on her mattress and laughing outright.. "Sayo, I'm half of a fallen angel, I know what half-Digimon puberty does to people, especially dragon people. Go change, for the sake of your tail." He watched her leave the room and turned back to work, shaking his head.

Well, it was good to know he could make her feel something.

The sector for Platinum Tamers was smaller than even the Tamer Union training grounds. You couldn't get there via actual teleportation pads (thank everything because with the way her stomach felt, Sayo knew she wouldn't be able to handle it) but it was more like an improved version of the giant metal box that originally brought them up here to this alternate dimention. At least until it supposedly crashed somewhere in the pothells (yes, not potholes) of Ancient Canyon. Then, well, some really weird ass GateDisks. Sayo didn't question it. She just settled into her chair on one curved seat and leaned back. Taiki had a little more trouble, but then, he had a good twelve centimeters of height on her at the very least.

At least he didn't lord it over her like Newton.

Finally, he settled down and the small pod zoomed off into the air like a demented baseball. Inside, the occupants couldn't feel it, but anyone who saw it would be disturbed and probably expect everything to crash and burn. Sayo, for her part, dared it to try. Between the two of them, they were likely to survive. Or at least Taiki would. She had yet to get on his father's bad side. She didn't want to risk it now by letting him end up as charcoal. Former god and all of that. Or something.

"Do you have Tamer Homes as a Platinum Tamer?" She couldn't stand the silence all of a sudden. It gave her too much room to think.

Taiki stretched a bit before shaking his head. "No point. We usually have a lot of long time missions, so we tend to just go home. If they need us, there's a number to call but that's basically about it, you know?"

"Mm." That would have been her. It might be if she got new Digimon, which she could, and survived this inquiry Taiki was going to make, which she probably wouldn't.

"Where are you supposed to go after this?" Taiki passed her a red drink and she sipped it. She normally didn't like soda, but the fizz almost felt acceptable on her throat. She let out a small cough and almost spat. Though was a lot sweeter than she remembered it being. Then she shrugged and took another slow drink. She would probably need the sugar in this for whatever they had to say to her.

After a moment, Taiki's question registered. "My Uncle Shinta's taking me in, since the Chief isn't home enough and these ears are too obvious to send me to where dad is, and I'd be a security hazard." She tilted her head at him, more keeping up conversation than anything else. "Why?"

"Because I'm not allowed to do any missions for the next few months." At Sayo's quirked eyebrow, he added. "I got in trouble overworking. "

Sayo frowned. "They think that will stop you?"

Taiki waved a hand. "They have hope. I like destroying it."

Sayo felt her lips twitch. "You awful person you."

"I know." He looked out the window. "Can't even say thank you."

"Higher ups aren't good at that."

"They aren't." For a moment, Sayo felt like she was breathing. Then she sat back against the cushion and ruined it.

Taiki probably noticed, but he didn't say anything this time. Instead, he pointed to an odd looking set of rocks. "In there."

When she narrowed her eyes, it was much easier to tell that it wasn't just a unusual group of rocks on a cliff face, but a building, carefully inserted into the ground. There were odd panels of something that might be glass inserted from the inside, but that could just as easily be shinier stones from here. As they grew closer, however, she could make up the separation of the window panes, the marked gleam of cleaner.

"Ah yes," Taiki said quietly, watching the rocks begin to open like a dog's mouth eagerly awaiting a ball to catch. "The bomb shelter. Is the code still in your old Digivice?"

Sayo tilted her head. "I don't remember. Might be. Why?"

Taiki shook his head. "They might ask. In case your decommissioning gets revoked during an emergency, you'll have to get people out." At Sayo's blank stare, he shrugged. "We can have them check and reinstall it after the meeting." The great orb began to descend, making Sayo grip the cushion. He tried to smile. "At least it's not teleporters, hey?"

"At least," she managed to grunt. Stupid teleportation.

After a few more moments of wobbling and shaking as the craft descended (Sayo couldn't remember the trip up to CITY but she assumed it had to have been worse than this had been. If it wasn't there was no way this could be legal… oh wait this place wasn't legal.), a great maw opened in one of the rock faces, revealing metal frames glowing a delighted silver.

"Does it have to be this way every time?" She managed to say through gritted teeth. Something's grip tightened about her neck and she looked up, seeing the ghostly form of the Chrono Core at her back. "What are you doing here?"

"Your home's empty," he replied. She couldn't see his face, but she assumed the boy was pouting. "I'm not going to wait there for you to come back. How can I learn to surpass you if you don't return?"

"You never will," Taiki said blandly, causing Keiichi to jump. Sayo almost smiled. If she didn't know any better, she'd almost think he was giving her a compliment.

The windows shuttered abruptly, making her flinch. "Uh."

"Prevents accidental window breaking," he answered, finishing his drink. "And after you move out of your tamer home and the new establishments settled, no, you don't have to. But before that, there's a trial period. You have to get the paperwork filled out. Your rank proven in a battle test-" At the look on her face, he grinned sheepishly. "-Yes I know, another one, but it's more for you than your digimon. You also have to upgrade your Digivice, prove your weapons proficiency, mess with your salary, a whole mess of crap."

"And I have to do it even though I'm not going to be a Tamer anymore?"

Taiki nodded. "It's the concession they offered. Your dad accepted it for you in case your Uncle wasn't taking you I assume."

Sayo blinked. That sounded like her father. He was always worrying like that. He was the one who should worry. He was the one in the lion's den. "I guess so… Must have happened before the trials."

"Nothing like having a birthday while under legal scrutiny," Taiki deadpanned, pressing one of his hands to the seam where the door started.

Sayo felt herself smile, chapped lips and all. "Story of your life, huh?"

Taiki laughed, eyes starting to twinkle. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Stop apologizing."

Taiki laughed again at that. Then he stood up, pressing his hand against the door. Sayo didn't move. The orb was still moving. She didn't want to try vomiting as a new experience again. He knocked against the door. Seconds later, something beeped in its holster on his hip. Taiki pulled it out, leaving the screen flat. From Sayo's perspective, it looked quite a bit like a red microphone.

"Taiki-kun," greeted a low voice from the other side. "That's you, right?"

"Yep," he replied. "Have Sayo with me too. We clear to land?"

"Give it one sec," said the voice. "We have to process a new city member. From Earth."

Sayo's eyebrows shot up to her hairline and Taiki wasn't much better. "We what."

"I know." They chuckled. "We haven't had anybody new up here in almost six years. The rumor mill started that they managed to hack into enough government shit to reach classified data. Ie, us. Wherever they were, the higher ups were not happy. So up they go. Just the rumor though. You didn't hear it from me."

"Course not." Taiki glanced at Sayo, who obediently pressed a finger to her lips. "How long until we can dock?"

"You're almost in, they're just getting someone else to do the interrogation for them. It's like they think whoever it was found anything current."

Taiki laughed again. Sayo watched the door instead. Someone new was coming up to CITY. It wasn't anything new. Digimon lived here, humanoids lived here, humans lived here, all sorts came to the magical land between dimensions now that it was getting its act together more and more as years passed. But Earth? Earth threw them up and shut its doors. Sayo couldn't remember the last time someone had been sent up here. (She assumed Taiki did.) She knew at least one person had left and never returned and that they sent their own back sometimes, just to watch, just to be safe. It was a hard place to return to, she figured. But to be thrown up… things must be bad down there.

Was it really her problem now though? It wasn't like she could fight. Her main partners now were pets, not murderbeasts.

She broke from her thoughts at the soft hiss of air beneath her feet. The capsule stopped moving and the door slid open after a moment. Taiki moved out first before extending a hand to help her up.

The urge to slap his hand away, to declare her independence that she didn't need help, passed as quickly as it formed, and Sayo let him help her up into what may be her new headquarters someday. Maybe.

As she looked around, Taiki saluted someone a short distance away.. They saluted back and Taiki exhaled.

"All right," he said, trying to smile. His fingers twitched like there were hilts her could grasp and throw, handles to doors he could close. "Let's get this over with now, okay?"

Sayo watched the fear in his face, the low fire anger and the sadness. He had no pity. CITY children had no time for pity. But they had time to be rocks and steel. She could do that for him just this once, right? She could thank him for sticking his neck out, and risking the rumors. Old friends could show bias anywhere but over guilt, they said, and he was doing it anyway.

Well, Kudo Taiki and Tsukino Sayo hadn't become friends by doing what was easy. She remembered that much.

"Yep," she said, even though she wasn't. "Let's go get this over with."

When they were out of sight, she hugged him.