A/N: That moment where Tsunade kissed Naruto after their death-defying battle against Orochimaru and Kabuto was touching… so I felt obligated to ruin it hahaha. Enjoy.

Chapter Nex: Baa-chan's Kiss

The day couldn't have kicked off any worse for Tsunade than if she had awoken to find her secret stash of sake stolen. Again. Which reminded her, she still owed Anko a severe ass beating for stealing a couple bottles last week—and the bitch even had the audacity to leave behind a professionally signed 'I.O.U', which Tsunade was quite sure the spiky-haired kunoichi had no intention of ever honoring.

"So that's basically like signing your own death warrant, then," the revered yet wholly bored Hokage uttered to an empty room. It was nothing to her, really, just another soul prematurely shuffled off its mortal coil.

Planting her elbow firmly on the arm of her chair, Tsunade rested her cheek on the knuckles of her hand and stared out at the numerous stacks of varying height that peppered her desk. There was no helping the scowl that scrunched her face. It was just… so much, and so much of the same tired routine, the same kind of forms she had filled out yesterday, and the day before that, and two weeks before even that. Sometimes, it wasn't even the amount of fuckery she had to pour through and inspect and stamp with her special seal of approval—it was the redundancy.

Judging by the warmth streaming through the window behind her, it was probably around midday. She sucked her teeth. Too early to open a bottle just yet and with Shizune's little snitch of a pig no doubt snooping around, there was no way she would be able to enjoy more than a sip before it was summarily snatched from her grasp.

"Okay, prioritize… lessee, here…." Deftly, with skill honed over countless botched card games, Tsunade flicked through stack after stack, gleaning what each one was about. She had to look at recommendations, approve building permits, there was that festival coming up in two weeks, a couple of her Jonin wanted vacation while a handful of Chunin had accomplished enough missions to earn a higher rank….All standard, nothing too hard, she decided with a stout nod. "So quite naturally that means I can skip off for a few hours and let my future-self deal with this mess," she concluded happily, perking up.

If her future-self could have manifested itself in the present right then and there, Tsunade felt sure she would have gotten her ass kicked. Unmercifully. The hoops she forced her future-self to jump through in order to complete her workload on time bordered on the inhumane. Granted, this was all self-inflicted but still, long as she didn't have to deal with it now then it wasn't her problem.

Figuring the hot spring would be a nice reprieve from the hellish enclosure of her office, Tsunade had just popped open the secret compartment of her desk that led to her sweet, sweet sake when a commotion outside in the hall caused her ears to twitch.

"OUTTA MY DAMN WAY!" yelled a young, irate voice that was all too familiar.

"Look here, you little bastard—the Hokage has a full day of keeping the village running! That's enough to deal with without you interrupting her!" one her ninja responded just as testily, and it was clear from their enervated tone that they were struggling to hold back the louder voice. "Leave this area at once!"

"I'll leave once I do what I came here to do!" the boy replied stubbornly and now Tsunade could hear the physical sounds of a brawl, of blows missing and landing in equal measure. "Move it or lose it!"

"You imprudent brat!"

Normally, one needed to pay for entertainment like this, but for Tsunade, she only opened a bottle of Juyondai brand sake, poured herself a saucer full, and leaned back with a contented smile as she envisioned the chaotic scene sparking just beyond her door. From what she could gather, both sides were surprisingly evenly matched despite the obvious age and height difference. She heard a lot of different techniques being used—at one point she would swear the younger ninja's voice had multiplied—but it all came to an abrupt end a few drinks later when a "sexy"-something jutsu caused her guard to let loose a goofy scream and apparently pass out.

After all of that, when her doorknob began to turn, Tsunade figured he deserved to see her, having gone through all the trouble. So she wasn't surprised when the door was summarily kicked open and in the frame stood a genin with blonde hair wearing an outrageous orange jumpsuit. His forehead protector was hanging from his neck while the rest of him looked as though he had gotten mauled by a pack of dogs: scratches and cuts adorned his arms and neck, whatever flesh wasn't covered by his clothes actually, and he housed a bruise that was fast purpling under his left eye—though none of that stopped him from snorting defiantly as he marched up to her desk.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure, my favorite little blonde," Tsunade wondered sluggishly, the affects of her drinking binge evidenced by the blush in her cheeks. The way she leered at Naruto almost gave the young genin pause—he certainly blinked at her a couple times—but then he banged a fist down between two bottles of sake and everything quivered.

"I want another kiss!" he shouted as if she were two villages over.

The surprise that lit up Tsunade's face at his demand only carried enough impact to lift her eyebrows; the rest of her face was still slurred with a comfortable buzz. A lopsided smile split her lips over the next few seconds and she held the battered genin's eye with a rumbling giggle. He was trying so hard to keep his gaze from sliding the length her neck down into the mountain of cleavage she had to be showing that it was adorably noticeable, add to it his jaw was clenched from the effort.

What a gentleman….

"You take out my guard and interrupt my work… for a kiss?" she mused, leaning forward on her elbows and intentionally bolstering her chest into greater view. The effect she desired to see was immediate, the way Naruto visibly gulped, his pupils, still trained on her face, beginning to quiver. "Are you stupid?"

"Baa-chan, we both know you're not working, you never work," Naruto responded bluntly, nodding his head at the bevy of sake bottles glinting between the stacks. "You were prolly just about to cut out when I showed up, weren't you?"

It was no shocker to anyone who actually paid attention to Naruto that his intuitive skills were reasonably high for a genin, so his accurate assumption did little more than cause Tsunade's grin to expand. "Who's to say?" she responded lightly, lifting another saucer of sake to her lips. "The only thing that should matter to you is that I'm still here, no?"

Scoffing when she threw her head back, downing the sake in one hearty gulp, Naruto stomped around the left side of her desk, placed a hand on the arm of her chair, and spun her around to face him. "You are," he said firmly, "so gimme another kiss." He pointed to his forehead, between his hanging blonde locks. "Right here."

There was something stimulating about being forcibly—almost roughly—turned around in her own chair that sent an enjoyable trickle of pleasure gliding along Tsunade's spine. Her cheeks flushed a deeper red, her grin deepened into something voracious; this boy clearly did not know what he was doing.

So, as long as he was arbitrarily here for this kiss and providing a much needed distraction, the urge to tease him was growing stronger and stronger the more she took in his cutely determined expression. He had probably practiced acting this way, dialogue and all, hoping to strong-arm her into giving him what he wanted.

"Right where again?" she questioned teasingly, glancing at different points of his face. "Sorry, I'm seeing double right now."

It was obvious her response had thrown Naruto off his game when he blinked, grumbling a bit before jabbing again with his thumb. Before he could speak, Tsunade slowly uncrossed her legs, lifting one leg higher than necessary with definitely more flare than necessary, but she reveled in the way Naruto's gaze seem to urgently follow the heel of her arching foot. Since she was at her desk, she didn't feel the need to wear her usual black sandals so her feet were bare and free, and held Naruto's attention until she placed it on the ground. The soft thwump seemed to snap him out of whatever reverie he had fallen into and he hastily tried to fix his face back into what it was before.

"I-I said here, on my fore—"

All it took was a single beckoning finger to silence her precious little genin, the act of which greatly enticed Tsunade, the clear amount of power she had over him. Whether he adhered to her out of natural respect or some wanton attraction that he himself wasn't quite aware of yet, it didn't matter, she was quite enjoying the struggle that flashed over his face as he glanced from her curling finger to the spot between her legs. She could see he was smartly putting two and two together, coming to the conclusion of where she wanted him. Again, he swallowed, quite audibly, and Tsunade giggled to herself as he took a hesitant step forward, followed by another, and another…

…until he was situated right between her hugging thighs.

Naruto's face was such an embarrassed shade of red that it only further enamored Tsunade to the younger boy, and the way he tried to regain that stern scowl from earlier was offset by the delightfully cute fact that he couldn't meet her searching gaze even though he was practically face-to-face with her while she sat.

"What's wrong, Naruto-kun?" Tsunade questioned softly, leaning forward while angling herself to reveal a healthy amount of that pale cleavage. The effect was immediate as since he was this close and avoiding her eye, his gaze quite naturally landed where she wanted it to and his entire body tensed. "Are you okay? You look a little flustered."

'A little' was putting it mildly given the way Naruto's eyes seemed about ready to abandon ship and get lost in her bosom. In hindsight, betwixt all her teasing, Tsunade wasn't too sure if Naruto was a bonafide breast-man—like that pervert Jiraiya—or if he would have preferred to ogle her ass, but judging by the way Naruto seemed hypnotized by what she was putting on display, he certainly didn't appear to have any complaints.

"Hey, gaki," she called, and when she didn't receive any kind of verbal response, she jostled him with her thighs, squeezing him softly. "Pay attention," she admonished blearily when Naruto started, those cerulean eyes flying to her face. "I said, are you okay?"

Clearly, he was not, but that didn't stop Naruto from nodding spastically, glancing down at the thick thighs on either side of him. She knew they were pleasantly soft and warm, something quite foreign to the village pariah, so there was probably some idle fascination there mingling with the obvious desire to grab hold of them. She almost wished he would—so when he surprisingly heeded that wanton desire and brought a palm down on either leg, there was no stopping the surprised gasp that left her lips.

"Baa-chan," he started with palpable wonder, squeezing and kneading the malleable flesh there between his fingers, "your legs are super soft!"

"Of course they are…."

That was one of more basic praises Tsunade was showered with from time to time—and being heavily regarded as the most beautiful kunoichi in the world, it was also among the more tamer ones so she couldn't help but give a hiccup-riddled giggle despite the heated fire his motions were bringing to her face. Uttering noises of wonder, Naruto was really enjoying himself, jiggling her thighs, wobbling them, just generally keeping them in glorious motion, which Tsunade found cute.

Hell, she found him cute, mostly because the blonde goof had no idea that he was precisely where countless other men would have given their soul to be for even a second, and there he was, enraptured with her thighs for a completely different reason. The childish ignorance was adorable.

"I'm gonna need to study these for my sexy jutsu," he told her matter-of-factly, nodding to himself. "This… this is some great research right here. "

The urge to laugh was almost too much, that was such a Jiraiya-esque thing to say that Tsunade almost struck him out of habit. What stayed her was the fact that his ministrations were unexpectedly soothing, like a massage by an amateur, sloppy but enjoyable nonetheless.

"Glad I can help further your descent into perversion," she cooed, giving him a most royal leer. "Now, why is another kiss from me so important?"

It was like she never spoke. Not content to simply indulging himself in her thighs, Naruto had moved his hands north, and rather brazenly so, until he was very nearly palming her hips as well, his fingers flexing and rolling experimentally. "Whoa… big…."

Every twitch of his callow fingers seemed amplified due to her inebriation, to the point where Tsunade had to nibble on the knuckle of her pointing finger to stifle the hitched groans that rose in her throat. His clumsiness, the way he stumbled about, was exciting, the way he felt and squeezed and rubbed around, taking in every detail he could through her pants without actually touching her bare skin.

"You got some really wide hips, Baa-chan," he marveled, "like, this is textbook childrearing level right here." He paused, contemplative, then, "We definitely need to get some kids outta you before it's too late."

Humor overtook the pleasure and Tsunade patiently rolled her eyes. The slight against her was undoubtedly there, and quite honestly it was something she moaned about to Shizune constantly, but she knew he didn't mean it that way. "What, are you offering your services for such a deed, ga~ki?" she teased.

When Naruto's head snapped up, Tsunade was ready to revel in his barrage of embarrassed stuttering. What she wasn't ready to do was process when he gave the strongest nod of his short life, the look in his eyes brimming with determination. "In a heartbeat, Baa-chan," he declared almost heroically. "I dunno how that whole process goes or whatever but hell yeah, I'd have a buncha kids with you."

The sheer bluntness of Naruto's admission caused a drop of blood to escape her nose at the mere thought and she immediately clasped a hand to her face. Normally one with a tongue quicker than lightning, no response came to the fifth Hokage as she sat there, dazed and blinking furiously. How could this brat have given her a nosebleed? He didn't even know what he was talking about and—wait, did that mean the idea was something that she found exciting? Even when she tried to profusely deny that by way of shaking her head, the minor nosebleed was a tell-all sign.

Maybe I am a pervert….

"But we can talk about that after my kiss," Naruto continued evenly, giving the top of her thighs a final lighthearted smack. The fact that Tsunade was trying, and failing, to hide her slight nosebleed didn't go unnoticed by Naruto and he pulled open the second drawer of her desk, pulling out a napkin that he handed to her. "You're some kinda pervert, Baa-chan," he confirmed with a grin, "catching a nosebleed over that? Wow…."

It was rare such situations were ever flipped back on her, and with virtually no room for a salvaging comeback, so Tsunade merely cleaned her nose and flicked the wad into the corner trash bin. "I'd choose my words more carefully if I were you," she sniffed, with some semblance of a wry smile. "I could squeeze the life out of you quite easily with my thighs. I'm not at my steadiest right now, you know…."

Naruto scoffed with a knowing grin. "You wouldn't do that, Baa-chan, 'cause then I wouldn't be able to get any kids outta you."

Fuck.

The heat culminating in Tsunade's flushed face almost reached critical mass again—she felt her nose tingle warningly—but she growled through it, the sound coming out far more sensual than intended, and coupled with her half-lidded stare, it brought the barest hints of red to Naruto's cheeks.

He coughed into his hand, hastily averting his eyes to one of the larger stacks of paperwork adorning her desk. "Y-yeah, so… to answer your question, it's, uh…." Another steadying cough. "Well, the first kiss you gave me was really cool—it kinda felt like you gave me some… luck? I guess? I just felt… better, even after the fight, I felt way too good, and that rarely ever happens with me, a good feeling. I dunno what it was but it made me want to try harder, not to just get another kiss, but it was…." The right words were clearly eluding the blonde, evidenced by the strain on his face, but he had Tsunade's attention now, and she forgot her interest in making him stumble, staring in an almost encouraging way. "I brought you back, which is good… Jiraiya-sensei wanted you, I wanted you, and the village needs you, and after you kissed me it's like that resonated with me more than ever. It was—"

"—clarity," Tsunade said after he broke off, and he nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! That's the word! My head was clear, I was feeling my chakra even better than before, it was crazy… and all from your kiss!" Naruto exclaimed, forgetting his previous chagrin and he clenched a fist at his side, still sandwiched between her legs. "I want another one, I wanna see if I can get that feeling again, Baa-chan."

Tsunade merely held the boy in a discerning gaze, her flushed face a mask. The very notion that a forehead kiss from her had instilled all of that within Naruto was downright hilarious. To anyone with even the slightest bit of insight, it was glaringly obvious he was too young to realize and comprehend the depths of his own admirable determination—that the effect he thought her kiss had had over him was purely psychosomatic—so to place the gratitude for his own mental analysis at her feet was silly.

Still….

The way Naruto was looking at her right now was borderline worship, his pupils even seemed to be sparkling; he truly believed that her kiss had done all of that. What kind of woman did that make her to mentally bathe in that expression of utter fixation for a few seconds? Sure, she was modest for the most part—those 'most beautiful kunoichi in the world' comments never inflated her ego—but that didn't mean a little bit of honest attention wasn't appreciated every now and again….

Naruto flinched when Tsunade reached out, gently taking his chin between her thumb and pointing finger, holding him steady. "Look here, you little goof, I didn't do anything. All of that? The way you felt—your clarity? That was all you." When he made to argue, she increased the grip she had over him and snorted. "Don't get me wrong, you're a grade-a fool through and through, but you lack comprehension of your own grit. You're going to do great things all by yourself. You don't need a kiss from me to get there, kid."

She had meant for that to be a longer and more heartfelt speech but the alcohol was quickly consuming her thought process. Not that it mattered. The glow that overtook Naruto's face, the way his whiskered cheeks lifted with that trademark dopey smile of his… yeah, the message had gotten across just fine.

"Buuuuuut… if it really means that much to you…."

It was a warmth that Naruto had been bereft of throughout his entire life, the mesmerizing softness of her lips pressed against his forehead. Just the mere contact caused his chakra to surge as, despite what she told him, he knew there was something special at work with her kisses. Maybe it was her lips, maybe it was her own abundant chakra flowing into him—Naruto didn't know, he really didn't care, all he knew for certain was that he would definitely be coming back for more of her boosting kisses.

"There," Tsunade said, leaning back with a haughty air. "You've been kissed by a princess, I hope you got whatever kind of—"

"Gimme another," demanded Naruto almost immediately, inching even closer between her legs.

Before Tsunade could part her lips, a shocked gasp echoed outside her office—"What in the world happened here?"—and when the door began to open with all the damning speed of a horror movie, the Hokage could do nothing but sigh.

"Shit."

Automatically, judging by the way Shizune's expression morphed from confusion to abstract shock, Tsunade knew there was no way in hell she could even begin to explain why a single slip of paper had yet to be signed, why her desk was covered in half empty sake bottles, or why a tussled-looking genin stood wedged between her thighs while the remnants of her cherry-red lipstick shined brightly from his forehead.

She was already three strikes out without saying a single word.

Naruto waved, completely at ease. "What's up, Shizu-senpai?"

If one had to guess what the physical form of death looked like, one glance at the demonic rage contorting Shizune's face would give a very clear picture.

"Shizu-kun, wait!" Tsunade pleaded, throwing out a hand to halt the hurricane of pain about to whirl her way, "I know what this looks like but I swear it's not what it looks like, I was just—"

But Shizune appeared next to Naruto, her movement so fluid and ethereal it was like she had drifted over. She handed the confused blonde a single bound scroll.

"Naruto-kun, if you'd be so kind as to take this to Kakashi-sensei for me," she said sweetly, with a malignant smile so wide that her eyes closed. "It's an official letter of summons."

"Um… sure, but why?"

"Well, you see, once I kill Tsunade-dono here and bury her good-for-nothing body six-feet-deep, we're going to be in dire need of a sixth Hokage as soon as possible."

The laughter that Naruto let loose was mockingly loud and childlike at the same time. "You betcha, Shizu-senpai," he snickered, giving her a dutiful two-fingered salute. He turned back to Tsunade who had gone pale in the face under the disturbingly clown-like leer Shizune was bearing down on her with. "Thanks for the kiss, Baa-chan, catch ya later! Hopefully…."

"Wait—Naruto, wait, don't—"

It was almost like watching her only life raft drift out of reach when Naruto squeezed out from between her legs and dashed out the office.

"DON'T GO!" Tsunade screamed as the door slowly closed behind him with a deafening click. "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HER!"

A/N: #yearoftheoneshot