AN: This is now halfway through and I just wanted to thank you guys for reading thus far, and thank everyone that has reviewed including you guests, who I adore and wish I could thank personally. You'll, probably, have another update tomorrow or Saturday. I won't promise just in case something in RL arises that makes it so I can't but I am going to try.
Joss cooked dinner this time. She relegated John to preparing the table and prepping the side dish. From the time they got back to the apartment from their visit with Frank Spencer until now John had brooded. She could tell he was bothered by what Paul had said on the phone. He wasn't the only one. It bothered her too. It hurt to know that their near fifteen year marriage meant nothing to him. Paul Carter was a virtual stranger from the man that she had married. The good man that she married turned into an unfeeling monster that killed for the highest bidder. Joss thought about John thinking he was one. Paul and John were as different as night and day. John was helping her for no other reason than because it was right while her own husband, the father to her unborn son, couldn't even be concerned.
She pulled herself from her gloomy thoughts and smiled as she served her dish: meatloaf.
"Now it makes sense why I was to mash potatoes and steam baby carrots," he smiled softly.
She set the main dish amongst the sides and they each took their seat, but she noted with interest that John waited until she was seated, just another sign of his upbringing. Good manners were hard to come by.
"Be careful it might taste awful since I haven't had anyone to cook for in a while and it seemed pointless just for myself," she admitted with a degree of nervousness.
He eyed her and then the piping hot meatloaf that smelled as good as it looked. John didn't respond as he simply cut into it giving her a portion before himself, and then slapped mashed potatoes with gravy onto his plate, then in a small bowl took a helping of the steamed baby carrots. John dug into the meatloaf first and tasted it.
"Awful?—if this is awful then my food must be terrible because this is delicious," he told her honestly as the meatloaf was tender and practically melted in his mouth. Joss beamed at the appraisal and he wondered if her ex had done a number on her self-esteem.
"Thank you," she spoke, truly appreciating the compliment.
They ate while quietly discussing their mutual time spent in the military. It was a neutral subject that they had in common. Then their discussion shifted to sports.
"How can you be a Seattle Seahawks fan?!" she demanded incredulously.
He smiled. "How can you be a New York Giants fan?" he turned it around on her.
"Okay, fine, tell me you're a Knicks' fan at the very least!"
"I am. Although it's tough being one," he admitted as he finished his dinner.
Joss nodded her head in agreement as she finished hers a little later. Pushing the plate away she sat back in her seat and watched him from across the table. "Want to talk about Paul?" she asked quietly. His look grew dark and stormy. Yep, he hated him. "I've come to terms with the fact that the man I married is gone. That man on the phone was not my husband. Sometimes I wonder if he entered the Twilight Zone and got nabbed by some body snatchers."
John cocked his head to the side and watched her with a masked expression. "Handing Paul over to Elias is as good as sentencing him to death, Joss, and that's exactly my plan."
"I know," she whispered. "But there is another way," she assured and John's look grew even more stormy. "We get some help from Fusco, my partner, and arrest Paul and Elias."
"I won't risk your life or your unborn child's for his,"he stated bluntly.
She stared at him. "I'm not asking you to. I'm just suggesting that, yes, we should give Paul to Elias in what he thinks is an even trade off but we have Fusco and some cops in on it to take them both into custody. Both men are a menace and needed to be dealt with. I'm not trying to save Paul from Elias. I'm trying to save New York from Elias."
John just sat there with an unreadable expression. "And ridding New York of Elias is important to you," he said rather than asked.
"It is. I might be pregnant and on the run but I'm still a cop, John. I still want the best for the people I swore to protect."
He stared at her and marveled at how selfless she was. Joss could easily just hand over Paul, not give a damn about anyone else besides her and her unborn son, and yet she was trying to come up with a plan that not only apprehended her husband but also Elias, to protect those around her. But what she was asking for could backfire. Elias could sniff out a setup that could lead to him killing Paul and her. Or if they did succeed in placing Elias in prison he could send men to kill Joss. He would just have to broker a deal that Elias understood: go after Joss Carter or her son, and he would make Elias wish he never was born.
"And that's why you're so different from me Joss. You're a good person."
She smiled a little. "I don't see us so differently, John," she assured. He frowned. Joss pushed out of the chair. "Since I cooked I think it's your turn to do the dishes," she added, not wanting him to deny what she claimed. Joss didn't want to ruin the atmosphere between them with an argument. She was beginning to suspect John had a low opinion of himself and wasn't quite ready to truly look at the good he has done. Or see him as how she saw him: damaged but not broken.
After their mealtime discussion it had been awfully quiet. John seemed to mull over her claim that he wasn't as different from her. So during her quiet time she had called up Fusco to see if he could find out anything on Carl Elias for her. And what he found out wasn't good: absolutely, positively, nothing! Digging up dirt on Elias was going to be next to impossible.
She hung up miserably. John glanced at her. "I take it they have nothing to offer," he surmised.
"Fusco said that the lead detectives on the case are frustrated and was hopeful that Lionel could offer them some assistance. No one has positively identified Elias yet," she said discouraged.
"Maybe they are asking the wrong people," John interjected.
That lifted her spirits. "Do you think Harold could identify Elias for us?" she asked hopefully.
He shook his head. "No. But I do have an informant in New York from my CIA days that might just have some useful information on Elias," he admitted slowly. "She's a fixer and knows everyone there is to know in the city. If anyone knows who Elias could be or someone that can help find him, it's her." John got to his feet and moved to go grab his coat. Escaping Joss's presence would be beneficial as she seemed to soothe his pain and calm him in a way he never felt before. Or understood. And he was far more comfortable with suffering…it was familiar and deserved for failing Jessica and for all that he had done in his life.
"Who is she?" Joss said.
He smirked. "Do you tell people your confidential informants?" he wondered.
Joss shrugged. "So I'm people now?" she demanded and when he didn't respond she sighed. "Not really but I'm not asking in a professional capacity," she remarked dryly.
"Her name is Zoe," he said as he tugged on his coat.
"How do you even know she'll help us given the fact that you're no longer in the CIA?" she asked.
"She will."
He seemed certain. "Why? Does this elusive Zoe owe you a favor?" she questioned. Most C.I.s wouldn't give a flying fig of helping someone that no longer had power over them.
"No."
"So again how do you know she will help us, John? You're no longer in the CIA and if I know most informants that you boys in the agency gained them using coercion, manipulation, and other less than moral means."
He smiled a little. "I didn't meet her through the CIA." he explained vaguely. "But she agreed to give me information when I ask for it; in exchange I give her what she wants."
"And what does Zoe want?" she asked quietly.
John shrugged as he fixed his collar. "Sex," he stated bluntly, almost crudely. Joss looked at him in horror. He eyed her questioningly. "How do you get people to give you information, Joss? You learn what they want and you give them it as long as you condition them that they get what they want after you receive your information. Zoe knew that up front since she is a fixer, so it didn't take much coaxing from her."
"I don't want you sleeping with this woman just to get information on Elias for me, John," she stated angrily. Was sex really so clinical and impersonal to John? The agency stripped more from John than she thought. "There has to be some other way we can find out information on Elias that doesn't require you getting naked."
He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. "This is simple Joss. It's just meaningless sex. I get her off and I get the information, and I leave," he explained, not seeing the problem.
"Everything's a tool at gaining the advantage isn't it, John?"
John narrowed his eyes. "Kara and I've both used sex as a tool, yes," he snapped.
"I don't want you to have to use sex as a tool for me, John. Those days are over for you. You can find a woman to have sex with for no other reason than pleasure," she suggested gently.
He shuddered as he whirled around and stormed for the door. "Lock up after me. Don't call anyone and don't go anywhere," he ordered before leaving with a slam of the door.
Joss quietly walked to the door and locked it up, determined to not think about what he was going to do in her name. She knew that John manipulated, lied, and coerced people into being his informants for the agency; knew he probably supplied drugs to druggies to get cooperation, sex to women who wanted sex, and money to others. But that didn't stop her skin from crawling and suddenly she desperately needed a shower for herself but for John too.
John slid from the bed and immediately began getting dressed. He ignored Zoe as she lied there watching him naked but satisfied. "You know I've missed our meetings, John," she all but purred.
"The information you gave me better be accurate," he said ignoring her. John pulled his pants on before grabbing for his shirt.
Zoe watched him under half-closed lids. Sex with John was always amazing; he would use her for information and she'd use him for sexual gratification. It was simple: no kissing, no cuddling afterwards, and certainly no pillow-talk. Perfect for both him and her, but she had always seen him as a bit of a contradiction. John was virile, rugged, and painfully attractive. But he was about as social as a bear and cold as ice but at times she would see glimpses past that frosty exterior and notice a man that was polar-opposite to the one he posed to be. Someone that was lonely and yearned for something more substantial. Though the glimpse would be gone quickly making her believe that she simply imagined it. His aloofness was sexy as it was irritating. There was always an invisible barrier between them even though they were naked and intimate. Not that she wanted to know his life story or try to fix him. Zoe wasn't in the market for a man or relationship because the carnal pleasure she experienced in his arms was more than enough to satisfy her. But she did wish, at times, that she could somehow unleash the passionate animal that no doubt was veiled to her and experience true lust. Sadly she knew that only the right woman would ever be able to worm past that invisible, and damn near indestructible, wall he built up and experience that sort of fervent ecstasy.
"My information is always accurate John, it's why you come to me," she teased coyly. He spared her a glance before sitting down on the edge of the bed to pull his socks and shoes back on. Zoe had sought information on John when she first met him and quickly realized he was a ghost; a ghost clearly hung up on someone though she never got a name. "But the fact that you are questioning it means that this woman you won't tell me the name of is special."
"She means nothing to me."
Zoe arched a finely sculpted brow up at how abrupt and cold he sounded as if he was trying very hard to convince himself more than her of that.
"If she means nothing to you then why do you care what happens to her?" Zoe asked, already knowing the answer. The stiffening of his back was the only thing that gave him away that he was even listening to her.
"Goodbye Zoe," The tone suggested he wasn't going to be using her services again. Zoe felt a pang of regret for pressing but then he'd come back because her information was always on point. He stood and walked to the door without another word.
AN: I had debated writing smut but then my fingers couldn't physically move to write smut between John/Zoe. Although chapter 10 there will be something good concerning Carter and Reese as a way to appease my belligerent muse.
Thank you for reading!