Astoria lounged on her couch with a book in hand but barely absorbing any of the words that she read. She needed distractions, but nothing she tried seemed sufficient. She placed the book face-down on the armrest and then swung her legs off the couch and put her face in her hands. Astoria felt restless in a way that she had never experienced before. In that moment she longed for the quiet days that she had always lived before. It was like life was trying to get her caught up in the anxiety that she had missed by always having a low profile.

She hadn't even changed from her work clothes yet, something that the average employee at work would shame her for. Astoria always felt more comfortable dressed professionally, even when she had nowhere to go. It made her feel put together and she enjoyed the freedom of being able to just go out as she pleased. Unlike the average person, she didn't find jeans uncomfortable. The fitted dark grey ones she currently wore was one of her favourite pairs. She wore them so frequently that she had broken them in and felt almost as the same as a pair of pajama bottoms. Astoria had a suspicion that it had a lot to do with quality, as well. She never skimped when it came to her appearance. She wouldn't call herself vain, but she believed it important to always appear presentable. Besides, investing in quality clothes saved money overall.

She was thinking about clothes – Astoria scowled to herself. Out of all the things that she could have been thinking about, she was thinking about something so unimportant as her bloody outfit. She needed to go for a walk. She went to her entrance and slipped on a pair of flats. Astoria opened her door and her breath caught in her chest as she came face to face with Draco. His hand was poised in the air ready to knock and he lowered it slowly as his eyes explored her face.

"Wha - " she began, but her question was cut off by Draco placing his hands on either side of her face and pulling her lips to his. She didn't hesitate for even a moment. His lips quavered slightly as they kissed and she didn't know if it was from nerves or from something more. The fact that he was even on her doorstep had been enough to startle her, but this was on a completely different level.

After every second-guess when it came to Draco Malfoy now seemed daft. She knew the dozens of reasons why she should distance herself from him but she had never been able to. Some days she had felt like he had felt something more for her, too, but other days – especially lately – she felt as if she had been just another visitor passing through his life. The emotion that Draco poured into their kiss told a completely different story. It was like he was trying to say everything that he couldn't – things that he would never be able to properly put into words because of who he was and everything that he had always been encouraged to bottle up.

Draco pulled away and he looked at her quizzically. She took his hand without a word and pulled him into her flat and shut the door behind him with her back against it. He kissed her again, his hands in her hair. She held his face and they stood like that for several moments. Astoria slid her hands down to the front of his chest and moved her kisses from his mouth to his neck. His head leaned back in apparent pleasure, but when she moved to begin to unbutton his shirt, he put his hands over hers and stopped her.

Astoria looked up at him, unintentionally letting a brief look of hurt cross her face. Draco shook his head. "I… I can't."

She took a step back and caught her breath. "What? You just came to my door and you…" she made a flurried movement with her hands. "All of this. And …" she paused. "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing to do with you," he tried to assure her, although he turned away from her and rubbed his mouth with his hand in a conflicted fashion. She let the silence fall between them until he was ready to face her again. A flush had risen to his neck. He reached forward and took one of her hands within his own but didn't close the distance between them again. "Just not right now… not that."

Astoria had so many questions and yet she didn't let any of them pass her lips. "Was this… not what you wanted?"

"I wanted you." He had responded so quickly and with such assurance that it took her a moment to realize how heavy those words truly were. With Draco acting so odd and beaten down lately, she was surprised to see that he stood by them so confidently. "I still want you."

"Then why…" the sentence trailed off as she didn't understand.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I just need you to trust in me. It's just not a good idea right now to do anything more."

Draco could feel his heart beat against his chest. What he said to her had more in those words than anything he had ever said to Pansy, and he had been with Pansy for such a long time. She had shown him unwavering devotion and intimacy, but it just felt like two different experiences altogether. He wasn't in love with Astoria, it wasn't that easy for Draco – it would never be that easy for Draco – but it made him question briefly what love was supposed to feel like, then, if everything he had with Pansy wasn't that.

His mind was full of worries, primarily that she would either think that he didn't desire her, or that there was something wrong with him. Would she be altogether wrong, though? His mind briefly flickered to Nora currently at a Muggle hospital where he had just left her and he didn't even feel the tiniest bit of remorse.

Draco also wasn't blind. He could see the hurt in Astoria and he wanted to make it disappear. Instead of expressing this aloud, however, he began to grow angry with himself.

"Maybe – maybe this wasn't a good idea," he muttered. He went to step around her, but Astoria grabbed his wrist. Draco involuntarily flinched and pulled his arm away from her reflexively.

"You don't get to do that!" she exclaimed and he knew that she wasn't referring to his flinch. "You don't get to ignore me for weeks or however long, show up on my doorstep, kiss me, make me - " again, Astoria was at a loss for words. "You don't get to do all that and then leave without explaining, without… anything!" Astoria was just as surprised with herself as she was with what Draco had just done. Astoria was not adversarial and she contemplated what it meant that she was willing to argue with Draco just so that he wouldn't walk out on her.

"You think I owe you anything?" he sneered without intending to. Draco felt an overwhelming need to leave. He had acted impulsively. When he had seen Nora to the hospital, his first thought had been with Astoria. Now that he was here, though, he knew it all had been wrong. He shouldn't have pulled her into whatever he was going through. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't feel like he owed anyone anything – not after everything that happened. Draco's kneejerk reaction was always to run, and this situation was no different. He froze and he regressed into his stubborn attitude that he had always worn like a suit of armour in school. It would have been braver to stay, it would have been braver to tell her everything and to let her in, try to heal, but he was not brave.

"Fine!" Astoria exclaimed. She felt a lump in her throat but aggressively ignored it. She turned away from him and walked into her kitchen with her back to him. Even though she knew he would leave, it still caused tears to spring to her eyes when she heard the door slam.