He walked down the sterile white corridor to the nurse's station. "I need Paul Carter's room number." he said with a charming smile plastered on his face.

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry, that's restricted…"

He sighed as he pulled out the fake badge. "I'm with the NYPD, I need his room number." he repeated this time with less warmth in his voice. The nurse pursed her lips and scanned his badge before nodding and typing away on her computer. The smile that graced his lips as she gave him the room number was genuine.

Mark Snow turned away from the station and walked unhurriedly down the corridor to the elevators and pressed hard on the UP button. Almost a week ago much to his surprise and anger he saw John escorting a very pregnant woman away from punks lying on the ground after getting into it with his former Agent. Of course John just wouldn't die. Kara was a failure! He would just have to take matters into his own hands this time.

It took less than five minutes to find Paul's room and send off the uniformed officers watching the room. He entered with a quick glance up and down the hallway noting it was quiet and clear. He needed to make this fast. Paul watched him approach. "Let me guess; you're my legal representation?"

Mark smiled and nodded grateful for the ready-made lie, perhaps this man was going to be easy to manipulate into helping him. "Yes, I'm Attorney Snow. I need to know what happened so I can better build a case for you, Paul. From what I gather you were in the car with two notorious criminals."

"Against my will!—my future ex-wife and her crazy boyfriend broke my leg and set me up with Elias. I'm innocent!"

"Crazy boyfriend?" Mark repeated, wanting to get to that more than anything but he needed this idiot to buy his lie long enough to learn if he could find John for him or not.

"Yea, he was the one that broke my leg and abducted me. I think he works for Elias," Paul lied through his teeth. He might go to prison for his crimes but he was going to take that psycho with him, and hurt Joss in the process.

"Do you know of any way of contacting this crazy boyfriend?" Mark asked, happy the fool was happy to talk about John without much urging.

"No, the crazy fucker didn't say much but he'll probably be hanging around my wife. Her name is Jocelyn Carter, and a Detective for the 8th precinct," Paul instructed.

Mark nodded and then smiled. "Thank you, Paul, you've been quite the help," he said sincerely as he stepped closer.

Paul peered at him noticing the change. "You're not my lawyer, are you?"

"No, I'm not. I'm actually looking for the man that is with your pregnant wife." he agreed, withdrawing his hands from his pockets, grateful he left his gloves on.

"You're the one that gunned down Elias," Paul realized.

Mark nodded. "Yes, I couldn't risk the police finding out about the man I'm searching for or they might be prompted to search for him themselves and that just can't happen. And I must say Paul, you're far more intelligent than I gave you credit for," he admitted before removing Paul from his heart monitor. Before Paul could call for help Mark grabbed for his pillow and put it over his face and pressed down hard even as Paul thrashed on the bed for all he was worth. His struggles became weaker and weaker until finally they ceased completely and Mark kept the pressure up long enough to make sure the man was well and dead before he straightened. "But, not smart enough." he whispered and with that left the room.

Hours had gone by since he received a text from Carter's burner phone to the precise location of Carl Elias that held her husband, who he was after. Currently Fusco sat at his computer rubbing his eyes. Wait until Carter heard what happened. Not only did someone gun down Elias and Marconi, but then Paul Carter was strangled to death in his hospital room a short time later. Fusco knew without a doubt it had to be the same hit man that took out Elias. But who, and why?!

"Excuse me…."

Fusco pulled himself out of his musings and looked up at a masculine voice. There in front of his desk stood a bald man in a long coat. The guy looked uppity and government if you asked him. "May I help you?" Lionel inquired.

As figured, the man pulled out a badge. He was CIA. "I'm Agent Snow and I was wondering if you knew where Detective Jocelyn Carter is? I was told by your Captain that you are her partner," the bald man asked.

Something about this guy was rubbing him wrong and he couldn't put his finger on it. Lionel was quiet for a moment before saying; "Easy, she's at Calvary Hospital about to have a baby." When ole' Baldy made a face at which hospital he listed Fusco smirked. "Cop's benefits aren't exactly great, you know, so she had to go where her insurance was taken even if it's a journey from here. Though may I ask why you need to know? What does the CIA want with a NYPD Homicide Detective?"

The man named Snow just smiled. "Thanks, Detective, and I hear congratulations are in order for you too. You might have caught the notorious Carl Elias from a tip from one of your informants who wants to remain anonymous. Too bad Elias isn't alive to receive his comeuppance."

Fusco narrowed his eyes. The congratulations didn't sound sincere. "Thanks, I do what I can. We won't know for sure that he's Elias until DNA testing is finished. And if it was Elias then we need to find out who killed him," he said slowly. With that the man left and Fusco realized he never really was told an answer to his question, which left him even more suspicious.

John progressively had gotten antsier and antsier. Joss was worried he was going to leave even though she wished for him to stay but then her doctor arrived and congratulated her because she was ready to be taken to delivery. John looked half scared as hell and elated for her, probably resembling her too. The nurse whisked John away to go scrub up as he protested weakly but Joss sent him one of her best puppy dog eyes and even batted her lashes at him, and he caved. This was to save him from himself, not for herself, she told herself. There would be just no way that John would succumb to the darkness after he sees the birth of Taylor. There was too much life, and beauty, and happiness to surrender to the dark.

The delivery of Taylor was touch and go; John had entered the delivery room surly as a bear but as the delivery progressively got more harrowing he was tender with her, and supported her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as they curtained up and sliced into her abdomen to do a C-section to save her and Taylor's life. She squeezed his hand tight and John just smiled at her and told her that there was no way she'd lose Taylor because he was probably as stubborn as she was. Joss would have laughed if she could. But fear kept her locked in silence. Fear turned to elation when finally she heard the healthy set of lungs her boy had, followed quickly by a swell of love when her son was placed in her arms.

Now she sat in her room knowing she had to call her mom but didn't because she knew John would bail the moment she did, she held Taylor who was utter perfection in her arms. Her mama would understand that she was trying to save a life. The doctor and nurses said she'd be here probably for the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours depending on how well things went. She looked up at the sound of the door and saw John entering the room. He had disappeared when she moved from the delivery room to this quiet one. She was sore, emotional, and happy to see him.

"I was afraid you left," she admitted.

"Not yet…."

Joss frowned at the answer. She didn't want him to go anywhere. He was there for her during a moment of absolute panic and kept her calm. Now that he was in her life she didn't want him going anywhere. She noticed he shifted a look to her son. "Want to hold him?" she asked. Taylor was born 9 pounds, 16 inches, and with a mop of curly hair. John lifted his eyes to her and she saw resounding panic in them. "You won't hurt him, John," she whispered softly as her voice threatened to be choked off at the sadness that he thought he would.

"I shouldn't."

"Why?" she demanded as she sniffled, trying to ward off the tears that he was rejecting her son and in effect rejecting her. Why it mattered that he held her son was beyond her comprehension but the fact that he didn't want to hurt deeply.

John stared at her and wondered if she was about to cry. He didn't want to see her cry because it did something to him internally. Made him want to squeeze the life out of whoever did it to her. "Joss, I think it's best that I don't."

"That still didn't answer my question," she pointed out.

"Joss, he's like two hours old, I never held a baby," he muttered in exasperation. And she smiled as tears welled up in her eyes. He wasn't scared that he would hurt Taylor; he was just scared because he never held a baby before. "Don't cry," he growled as he saw the wateriness to her big brown eyes. Eyes that he suspected could make a guy agree to anything including cutting off his own dick.

"Too late," she said shakily as her tears spilt down her cheeks. "I want you to hold Taylor, please…" John looked torn but moved close to her. She instructed him how to hold the baby as she carefully placed her precious treasure into his strong arms and pulled back and tears flowed steadily down her cheeks. John, who had big, strong, hard hands held her son so gently, and carefully. Taylor was tiny compared to John as he rested in John's arms swaddled in his blue blanket.

Her eyes honed in on John's face as he smiled at her son. The mask that John wore slipped a little and she saw the man underneath the one he showed to others. The real one that held a deep seeded pain that she wasn't sure she could ever help him heal but she was going to damn well try. This was an intimate moment and realized her feelings for John weren't quite as simple as she had first made them out to be. Lust was simple. Blaming her lusty feelings for John on pregnant hormones was easy. But now as she sat in this hospital bed watching him hold her son she realized she was hiding from the truth: that what she felt was past simple lust.

"Baby steps, Joss." she whispered to herself; for John and for herself. She needed to divorce Paul first and move on from what had happened before she even contemplated moving on with a new man. And John was surely not ready for anything romantically. Practically a week ago he had one foot in the grave, was a homeless man without a connection to the world. He needed friendship and someone to lean on first and then they could go from there.

"Hmmm…"

Joss looked up as she realized John heard her. "Oh, I just said you look good holding a baby," she lied as she pasted on a wobbly smile. The door opened to her room and Lionel walked in with a large grin on his face. She shot John a look and noticed with sadness that the mask slipped back on his face as they weren't alone any longer.

"Congratulations Carter, welcome to parenthood!" Lionel said sincerely as he hugged her before eyeing John warily. "You must be Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deranged."

"Lionel!" she hissed.

But John merely smirked at her friend. "And you must be Fusco," he replied, a little snide overtone in his voice. Lionel eyed Taylor in John's arms before looking at Carter as if she lost her ever-loving mind. "You want to hold him?" John asked.

"I'd like to," Fusco agreed hesitantly. John moved to Fusco and Joss smiled as Lionel was a pro at taking the baby from John who looked worried. Lionel grinned at Taylor. "Looks like you, Carter, good thing too."

Joss dabbed at her eyes with a little Kleenex. "I thought the same," she admitted. Lionel held the baby before finally giving him back to Joss and the look of happiness faded. "What's up?" she wondered as she cuddled her son to her. He yawned mightily making her smile. The love she felt was instant and she'd rip anyone's throat out if they ever hurt Taylor, must be the Mama Bear syndrome she heard about from her own mama.

Lionel looked at John before sighing. "We had a problem picking up Elias, his crony, and your husband," he acknowledged, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news on such a momentous moment for Carter but she needed to know.

"What sort of problem?" she asked.

"Someone gunned down Elias and Marconi before we could apprehend them," he announced, noting both sets of surprised looks from Carter and Mr. Sunshine himself. "It was professional too because they were taken out with headshots. Then not even an hour or so later while Paul was in the hospital getting his leg placed in a cast and checked over by some docs he was strangled to death with his own pillow."

Joss gaped. "They're all dead?!" she exclaimed, though tried to keep her voice down to not upset her baby boy. All their hard work to get everyone into police custody and it was for nothing.

Fusco nodded with a sidelong glance at the big guy near him before focusing on Carter. "I got back to the precinct after working the scene when low and behold a smarmy man in a suit came up to me asking where you are, Carter. He introduced himself as Mark Snow, CIA Agent."

John and Joss both cursed. "I should have known that I couldn't stay invisible in New York forever, not when Mark Snow worked from offices here. He had to have seen me at some point to find out I'm still alive," John spit out. "Mark Snow, no doubt, is the man that killed Elias, Marconi….and Paul."

"Why?" Fusco asked, glad his instincts on the guy were spot on. Lionel's instinct on the one in the room weren't as easy to decipher. Clearly the big guy had a thing for Carter with the way he looked at her but he wasn't sure if he was good for his partner or not.

Joss answered for John. "Because he's looking for John," she murmured softly.

"What exactly did Snow talk to you about, Fusco?" John demanded.

"He asked where Carter was. I was suspicious of him so I gave him a wrong hospital to buy some time to figure out what was our next move," Fusco continued. John eyed the shorter man in surprise. Fusco was smarter than he looked. "What's with that look?—I didn't win this badge at some poker tournament, wonder-boy."

Joss looked between both men before focusing on John. "How does he even know about me?" she wondered.

"If I took a guess I'd say your lovely husband helped Snow out about your identity. Snow took out Elias in fear of the cops maybe learning of my existence and launching their own manhunt to find me. Snow can't let his secrets be found out so he needed to kill Elias and Marconi. Mark had to know about our meeting somehow and learned who Paul was and which hospital he was taken too."

"With his connections in the CIA it wouldn't be hard to find out." Fusco muttered.

Joss sighed. "Nah, Snow isn't going to have his real name attached to that because then there is a trail and he'd have to answer questions as to why he wanted to know anything about Paul." she replied, and John merely nodded his head in agreement. "My best guess is he used a fake name to get the information."

"Snow always did enjoy playing copper." John murmured and motioned her way. " Knowing how easily Snow can lie and slip into any kind of persona like I can he probably even faked Paul into believing him or Paul was pissed that you handed him over to Elias and didn't care."

Joss let out an expletive. "Paul did me dirty even to his dying breath," she snarled but kept herself in check not to upset her slumbering newborn. "But how did he even know about the meeting with Elias?"

"I don't know, Joss." John said, sounding tired, and it was that tiredness that worried Joss.

"Well, we'll just have to fight fire with fire," she murmured. "By the time Snow realizes I'm not at the hospital Fusco told him I was in we can hide you until we can figure this out."

Lionel eyed Mr. Tall, Dark, and Serious who clearly had a neon blinker on that read: 'I'm Bolting' and he was all for it. Carter didn't need this kind of hassle, not with a newborn to look out for. Sometimes other people needed to think about her needs since she wouldn't herself and he was glad to see the big guy over there realized that. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"Well I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm going to head out. I'm sure you need some rest since you won't be getting any for the foreseeable future," Lionel said not so jokingly, before giving wonder-boy a look and then left.

The moment the door closed Joss stared at John realizing he had that look again. "Don't," she pleaded.

"Don't what?"

"Don't go! And don't shut me out now. After everything we've been through together I don't think I can handle being shoved behind the invisible wall you keep everyone else out with."

He shuddered. "Joss, I need to go. Snow won't stop until he's found me and you're finally free to live your life as you wish."

"Leaving doesn't mean that Snow will leave me alone. Snow wants you dead because you know things about him and thinks he can use me to find you so he'll watch my every move. But as you well know I'm smart and I'll be careful; I know how to slip a tail when I need to," she argued. Joss fought for control of her emotions which was tough since her hormones were all over the place. "John, I want you in my life and Taylor's," she said softly.

"I'm a killer, Joss," he rasped as he looked her deep in her eyes. "There's no place for me in your life or his. I shouldn't have even held him with all that I've done. Nothing so innocent and pure should be touched by someone like me."

"Are you trying to upset me because it's working?!—you are not this monster, John. I wouldn't have wanted you to hold my son if you were. I wouldn't have wanted you by my side if you were. Why can't you see you as I see you?" she asked, the threat of tears of both sadness and anger was growing to a code red situation. Holding them back was becoming too hard to manage.

"You don't know everything."

She made a face. "I know enough; the rest you hold onto as a way to tear yourself down with. What I know is that you are a good man even if you don't think it. Not many would have done what you did to save me and my son. You went above and beyond anyone else ever would. You're past is over, John. You can only move forward now…just like me."

"My past has caught up with me. Dead men don't have second chances."

"But you're not dead, John, you just have to fight!" she insisted, feeling as though she was trying to hold onto water as it slipped through her fingers.

He growled something low as he stepped towards her bed grabbed her cheeks and kissed her. She sat in her hospital bed, Taylor held in her arms, as she was kissed with the same intensity as their previous kisses but this one felt different. Before it had been bruising, angry, and overwhelmingly passionate; but this, this was tender, soft, and moving on a spiritual level. Joss was paralyzed by the sensations before melting into it, kissing him back, trying to heal the deep cracks in his heart. The cracks she was beginning to suspect were craters in size. He pulled back stumbling away from her, clearly affected by the kiss as much as she was.

"Goodbye Joss," he murmured as he averted his gaze before completely whirling around to leave.

"John, wait!" she cried, desperately wanting to follow but knowing she couldn't, which John used to his advantage. Unable to stop the tears any longer they flowed freely as he reached for the door handle. "Please," she pleaded and he hesitated at the door but it wasn't enough as he opened it. "Go, but I swear to god I'll find you. And we'll face your past together so you can have a future!" she shouted as he disappeared through the door, Taylor awoke and began crying.

Her parting words had an effect on him. He had no doubt that the detective would search for him but fortunately for him she would have a newborn to deal with. John could still feel her lips under his, still feel the way she responded to him, still felt Taylor in his hands, and he just needed to get away. John exited the hospital, getting blasted with cool air, and he stopped as the two parts of him fought each other; one half wanted to run while the other half wanted to stay. John closed his eyes as he longed for the empty feeling he was used to, familiar with, would come back but Joss filled that void in him. Staying would only bring hell upon her. Snow couldn't afford to let him run around alive not with what he knew. John wouldn't go down without a fight which Snow knew and desperate men made drastic decisions. Snow would hang out Joss to dry if it meant exploiting a weakness and gaining an advantage in a fight. Leaving was the only option that protected both Joss and Taylor. Their lives weren't worth risking for his. And leaving now meant it wouldn't hurt so much when Joss leaves you, his inner voice added.

John forced his feet to put distance between himself and the hospital, where the woman and child that had given a new reason to live were. He'd see to their protection even if he couldn't be with them in person. With every step he took it felt like the harder it was to breathe as his heart felt like it was being squeezed but he continued on because it was the right thing to do. If Snow thought he didn't really care about Joss and had walked away from her just as he had Jessica, without a backwards thought, then maybe Snow would leave her alone too. Not at first but in enough time. Snow would think he was incapable of love and emotion. He'd be the Tin Man as they figured him to be. Joss and Taylor would have the life they deserved. And he would be once again on the outside looking in.

AN: This is messy and complicated...which is perfect for these two!

Thank you for reading!