10 Days Later…

Joss was happy to finally get her life back in order. She had to remain in the hospital for 48 hours. Her mama wanted to pamper her because apparently she was the first woman ever in the world to have a C-section. But she let her mama have her way this time; she was her only child and this was her first grandchild. So the first week after Taylor was born her mother stayed with her at the brownstone and Joss was happy with the help. Fatigue from the surgery and from Taylor confusing day and nighttime had exhausted her. Not to mention she physically ached from missing John. It felt like a part of her was gone. She had grown so accustomed to his quiet presence, the back and forth as they argued, the conversations, his dry wit, and their rapid fire trivia quizzes that kept her on toes. Now that it was gone, he was gone, she felt lonely. Joss never felt lonely. Now she was, because of him. Dreams of being held in his strong arms invaded her subconscious as did dreams of feeling his consuming toe-curling kisses that made falling asleep again damn near impossible.

Though she understood John's reasoning for leaving it didn't make it any easier or any more wanted. She didn't want his protection. She wanted him…in her life and Taylor's in any capacity she could have him. Part of her, the superficial part, knew exactly in what capacity she wanted him. But the other part of her, the one that was confused by the feelings he evoked in her, wasn't quite sure. Something happened between them as he helped save her from Elias; they shared a deep mutual attraction that was sizzling and passionate that neither could deny. But beneath the intense physical attraction beat something altogether more powerful. Something that saw past his homelessness and saw past her baggage and it was that something that connected them since the beginning. But if she was honest with herself they were like the worst tale ever told; a pregnant runaway meets a drunken homeless man on the verge of ending it all, both were hard-headed and stubborn, while one was determined to live life and the other was determined to live out his doomed fate. Even as she tried to convince herself that it wouldn't have a happy ending, she couldn't quite come to believe that. And she clung to that hope.

Joss smiled as she entered her son's nursery and sighed with love as he was sound asleep. He was all tuckered out after eating and pooping. Once happy her little angel was content; she exited the room and took the baby monitor walkie with her to hear him if he was crying. She went downstairs, ignoring the pain she still felt from her surgery, and was about to round the banister to head into the kitchen to make herself a salad when she heard a knock on the door. She frowned. So help her if that was her mama she was banning her from seeing Taylor for an entire week!

Joss swiveled on her heel and headed for the door, swinging it open with a smile and said; "Mama, if you come by here one more time…" but her voice trailed off, and her smile died on her face. Instead of her mother was a bald man wearing a suit, which matched Mark Snow's description. The smarmy ass, so far, had gotten away with murder…literally. "May I help you?" she asked with considerably less warmth. This man was a traitor to his country. This man put a hit out on John. This man was the reason John jumped ship and hadn't been seen since, and why she felt lonely! Mark Snow was going to get his comeuppance if she had any say in it.

"Hello detective, I'm Agent Mark Snow with the CIA," he greeted as he flashed her his badge along with an obvious insincere smile. He was trying to be polite but she didn't reciprocate. "And I'm here to ask you a couple questions."

"About?" she asked sounding bored. Oh, she knew for damn sure what he was here for but she wasn't giving him an inch.

Mark Snow reached into his jacket and pulled out a photo of John, who looked a tad younger and didn't appear to know he was being photographed. "I'm looking for this man and was wondering if you've seen him?" said Snow, sounding impatient.

Joss kept her poker face on and lied through her teeth. "Sorry, never seen that man in my life."

Snow's eyes widened and reshowed her the photograph. "Are you sure?" he demanded. They both knew she was lying but he couldn't make her tell the truth.

"And what makes you think I've seen this man?" she asked, not answering him one way or another.

Snow's fake smile fell away. "I know about what happened to you thanks to your husband and criminal mastermind Carl Elias. Thankfully, those two notorious killers have been dealt with," he told her, sounding proud. Joss bit her cheek to keep from accusing him of doing it. She wasn't supposed to know and then he'd know she had contact with John. "But the description of the man that helped you, the good samaritan as you called him, matches the man's description that I'm looking for and I need to find him."

"Why do you need to find him?"

Snow's eyes narrowed on her. "He's wanted by our agency. The things he was asked to do for his country broke him, detective, and he became obsessed with his partner, Kara Stanton, and killed her in a fit of rage. I want to find him to get him the help he needs, before any other agency gets their hands on him. Now please relook at the photo and tell me if this is the man that helped you."

Joss nearly laughed at the load of bull he was trying to spoon-feed her. But she didn't. Instead she made a show of really scrutinizing John's photo before shaking her head. "Sorry, I think I'd remember meeting a handsome man like that," she said innocently.

Snow angrily pocketed the photo. "Detective, drop the act; I know he's the one that helped you," he growled.

She searched his face. "Do you now, how? Lots of men can fit the description I gave. The only person that knows who helped me is me because no one else saw him. And I say that man in the photo is not the man that helped me," she stated darkly. The meeting to hand over Paul with Elias wasn't on record. It was just a secret between her, Lionel, John, and three dead men. Fusco's report was that he received the coordinates of the elusive Carl Elias from an anonymous source.

But unfortunately Mark Snow wasn't stupid enough to walk into the trap. "I just do, Detective. You have a beautiful little boy to take care of. I'd hate for something to happen to his mother," Snow said.

Joss bared her teeth as she stiffened and readied herself for war. If Snow thought he was going to intimidate her he had another thing coming. "Did you just threaten me, Agent Snow?" she asked carefully. Joss had a half of mind to tip her hand about her knowledge in his misdeeds but didn't. If he knew she knew then she'd be good as dead.

"No. I'm just warning you. When John becomes attached to someone bad things happen. Just ask the last woman he was attached too," he said before giving her his business card. "If you see that man…call me, so I can help him."

Joss took the card and kicked the door shut, before locking it up. She moved to the window and watched Snow look around her place before moving towards a black SUV. No doubt he'd be back like a bad rash; she eyed Snow's business card thoughtfully; perhaps this could come in handy.

After Snow's unwanted appearance Joss had gotten angry and after she tended to Taylor's needs of feeding, a diaper change or two, and some loving affection, she had baked to burn off some of the lingering tension from the meeting.

Joss finished frosting the last cupcake with blue icing and green sprinkles when there was a knock on the door but this time she didn't smile. Her mama wouldn't come this late in the evening. Fusco and Shaw would have texted her first. Joss moved cautiously to the door, the baby monitor walkie in hand, and checked the window first. She didn't see anyone at the door and her suspicions grew.

Reaching for her piece that sat on the nearby table she carefully opened the door and frowned when she saw a small box wrapped in blue wrapping paper. She drew the door fully open and looked around her front stoop but saw no one on the sidewalk. It was like a ghost-town under the soft glow from the streetlamps. Joss grimaced a bit as she bent to pick up the present and saw a little card attached. She entered her home, locking the door up before setting her gun down, and put the present next to it while eyeing it dubiously. Her mind conjured up wild theories before opening the envelope and pulled out a little card that congratulated her on the baby boy. She opened the card like it contained some foreign substance meant to murder her and, her breath caught when she realized in barely legible handwriting that it was signed by John.

When she realized she hadn't breathed yet and she felt her vision tunneling she panted out a breath as she reached for the gift and tore into it as tears gathered in her eyes. She pulled out a blue blanket that had cute little race cars on it with Taylor's name written in gold, prominently displayed in the middle. It was soft to the touch. Joss looked back into the box and saw a New York Giants Baby Rattle.

She set the gifts down, unlocking, and whipped the door open to call out for him though careful to not say his name. Joss stepped out barefoot on her front stoop. It was cool for mid-April but she didn't feel it as she scanned the surrounding area. She looked around and still saw no one, not even a misplaced shadow. But she knew he was watching from somewhere close by because she could feel him, feel his gaze. It was crazy but she knew it.

After waiting for him to appear from thin air but didn't, she turned and entered her home, and slid the door closed, once more locking it up. Joss carried the gifts into the living room with her, along with the walkie, and snatched up her cell phone. She had disposed of the burner phone that Finch had gotten her but she was hoping that John hadn't.

Joss dialed the number and put her cell phone to her ear and waited as it rung. She tapped her foot impatiently against her hardwood floor, and then her breath lodged in her throat as it was answered. "John…?" she whispered.

"Joss, you shouldn't have called." said John, with sadness lacing his voice.

She sat down on her couch. "Well, I hadn't thought to before now," she muttered. It wasn't like her to overlook something so simple yet she had. Though she wasn't getting much rest these days but knew she was using up her one and only chance at speaking to him. No doubt after this he was going to discard the phone now that he realized she remembered it. "I know you're close. Please, come over," she asked.

He was quiet for a while. "I can't," he said softly.

"You risked coming to my door to give me this gift, at least give me the satisfaction of saying thank you in person," she reasoned. Joss would lay the guiltiest guilt trip ever if need be.

"I shouldn't have done it."

"But you did," she pointed out as she leaned back, lifting her feet up onto her coffee table and held the blanket to her chest.

"It was a momentarily lapse in judgment," he almost whispered.

"Then have another and come over. I just baked cupcakes. We can talk over them and some coffee. Maybe renew our trivia quiz, I still need to beat you," she cajoled.

"Are they chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate, duh!" she answered with a snort. Who baked vanilla cupcakes when you could have chocolate?

He chuckled softly. "Eat one for me."

"That's not the right answer John. You're supposed to say; yes, of course, I'll be right over," she responded, annoyed.

It was quiet over the phone again. "You know why I should stay away. Snow just made an appearance and…"

"How the hell do you know about that?" she demanded, cutting in. Silence followed. "Wait a minute, wait a damn minute! You've been watching my place from afar for a while haven't you? As long as you can see me everything is alright but I can't see you…that's unfair John!" she snarled angry. At least he had the presence of mind to not respond, anything he said wouldn't be satisfactory. "Why did you kiss me like that in the hospital, John?—it's nearly worse than not saying goodbye at all because it's all I can think about and feel" she asked as the anger fled from her.

"I don't know."

Joss scoffed. "For a former spy you are a lousy liar," she complained softly. "I've been fed so many lies over the years from Paul, can you do something for me that is completely different and tell me the truth?" she asked warily.

Just because he didn't want to be anything like her ex, he spoke; "Because you're unreal to me, Joss, so I kissed you more for my sake than yours."

She sat up at the honest answer not figuring he would answer her. "Why am I unreal, John?" she questioned.

"You have this unwavering belief in me that I don't have in myself. You're this beautiful, intelligent, fiery woman that has an unshakeable resolve for life. And I kissed you because I wanted to taste life before it slipped through my fingers again."

Joss felt her insides twist at the admission as her heart took a hit. If only she could get her hands on him for a little bit. She could help him believe in himself. How he managed to still think he was a monster was a mystery to her.

"John, come over…please," she implored. "We can deal with Snow together. I just need you to trust me to help you."

He was quiet for a little while. "I think you have enough to deal with a newborn son to attend to," he said finally.

Joss knew he was getting close to ending the call. John had admitted more than he wanted to already and he wasn't willing to step foot near her. She wondered if he was scared if he came over that he wouldn't be able to leave again. The fact that he was still here, holding his demons and pain at bay meant he was open to the possibility that he had more life to live. She just had to get him to believe in it.

"Goodbye, Joss…."

Joss stubbornly blinked a few times to keep from crying. "Not goodbye, John, merely see you later," she countered.

"Forget about finding me," he requested gruffly, though to her it sounded halfhearted. She wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking on her part or he really didn't want her to stop looking for him, but either way she wasn't giving up. The word 'quit' wasn't in her vocabulary.

"Not an option." she replied simply. "And if you really didn't want me to look then you wouldn't have given me this gift. You wouldn't have answered my call. You wouldn't have answered me honestly about why you kissed me because you knew I needed it. You would continue to lie and make me believe less in you but you didn't. So, John, good luck, and take care, until I find you," she responded and ended the call herself. Joss leaned back feeling emotionally wiped. Talking to him made the immense loneliness in her fade a little.

She got to her feet hugging the gifts and the walkie to her chest as she moved to the window and peered out, not seeing anyone. Joss had a feeling John was still out there, brooding over what she said, and glaring at her, wishing she'd listen just for once. But she had no intentions of just sitting idly by.

"Hear me John; I'm going to give back to you the life that's been stolen from you and make sure that Taylor and I are in it," she vowed before turning and headed for the kitchen to eat a cupcake for John.

AN: Long Author's Note Warning but it's needed! Okay so this is where you guys are going to kind of hate me...but, this is the end of story 1. I'm splitting the stories up for a few reasons. The first is because of length. The second story is longer than the first and I don't think anyone wants to read another of my 60+ chapter stories. I have a penchant of writing long ass stories so this is my attempt at shortening them up. And the next reason was because of a time jump that happens. John's hell bent on staying away for her happiness and Joss has a newborn to attend too. Plus separation only makes the heart grow fonder, am I right? The third reason I had was mainly because I want to catch up on stories I have fallen behind on and I do have another minor story waiting around for me to post. I didn't want to do that while posting this one. I knew how much you guys wanted updates for this story and RL did get in my way a bit which I apologize for. Anyways, I won't make you wait terribly long for me to begin posting the sequel to this which I already have a title for, so if you see:

The Beast Finds a Home

that is the sequel to this one as you can see as the cheesy titles continue LOL. Just a little teaser till then because I'm a spoiler whore:

She wasn't leaving until Harold spilled on John's whereabouts. "I don't care about whatever promise you gave him, Harold, I need to find him. The only reason I haven't asked earlier is that I was still on maternity leave and needed to focus on my newborn. Now, I'm ready regardless if John is,"

Thank you for reading this XOXOXOX. To all anon/guest reviews I read them all and wish I could talk to you or thank you personally but this will have to do: thank you XOXOXOX