Hey guys, so this kinda has nothing to do with the story, but I felt like I needed to tell/show you guys this, and kinda tell you a little story about myself. Keep in mind that this is something very personal to me and I really dont want anyone criticizing me. This is very hard for me to do but I feel like I should so here goes nothing. Here is a little story about me.Last year at the beginning of the new year, my best friend who was like a sister to me, started to grow apart from me and at the time my depression has been going up and down tiny hills. But then when my cat died that January it was really hard for me, and I went to my friend who's name was Olivia, for confert of course she gave it to me but she didn't really seem that open to it but at the time I didn't see that. Later on I believe it was in May, that she was on our other friends phone looking at the Facebook group chat that she use to be apart of but had to leave because her mom didn't like how much we talked, which was a lot because I created that group chat so that all of us girl friends could just talk about who knows what and blow off steam, but anyways we where talking and ones of us said something like "Who do you think would go to hell first?" and Olivia saw this and she really hates swearing, and she blew up in them, and they got into a huge fight the other girls saying that it wasn't any of her business what they say cus she's not on the chat anymore and this went on for a while. I didn't see this whole conversation until I got to lunch and I was looking at it, then Olivia came over and asked for her notebook that had her story in back since she let me read it and I told very nicely so I would make her mad at me to back off that she wasn't even part of the group chat anymore and she just blew up on me and walked away without her notebook so I went after her and just tossed her notebook on her table and walked away, at the time I was mad at her for tying mad at me for telling the truth. But for the record I'm not mad at her anymore. Anyways that whole thing kinda made my anxiety go haywire cus me and her actually just got out of a huge fight which was our first huge fight since we met in 7th grade, and my other friends where even more mad at her for hurting me and she said that we've change so much that we dont even sit with her at lunch anymore, when really its the other way around, there's this new girl who at first we were good friends but slowly she started steeling my best friend who understood me more then anyone and I didn't even notice until it was to late. Later that same month my dog died and that just sent me over the edge, I started to have suicidal thoughts, and let me remind you all throughout this and even still now my parents in fact nobody in my family knows I have depression or suicidal thoughts only my close friends know, and like I said before I didn't really see that Olivia was I dont know how to put it, out of my reach idk, but anyways I just texted her telling all that has happened and that I really needed her, and she texted back saying that I was just trying to guilt trip her back into being my friend and that my depression was fake that all I wanted was attention when she knew better then anyone that I hated attention and that my depression wasn't fake and then she said never to talk to her again and she blocked me, and at the time I was so mad at her for thinking that I was just trying to get attention that I deleted the whole private chat, which now I regret cus now I can't look back on the good times and things we had. And right before I started writing this I was looking through my emails and I saw one from her that I forgot I had and I read it, and it just broke my heart cus um the one who told her she should read the book that she mentions in the email and that she was so right. Now I dont hate her even tho almost all my friends do cus of what she did to me and they think I should to but i dont, I can't bring myself TO hate her.Olivia if by any chance you some how read this I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I miss you.Please dont be harsh towards me when you read this I didn't tell you all this just so you all would hate me. This is the email she sent me please read carefully and think about it and see the truth in it:"For kids stuck in small towns everywhere who feel like you'll never escape, I hear you. We are all connected. We're all in this together. You are not alone.No matter what happens, never ever give up.Happiness is not limited. There's enough for everyone. You can start right now, today, to move toward a happier life. Your life is shaped by your choices. Make ones that will help you get to where you want to go.Find your place to belong. It may not be a physical place. At least not yet. Maybe your place is somewhere you let your imagination take you. Maybe it's your vision of the way your ideal life will be.Eventually, you'll find a real place that feels like home. Your whole world will open up in ways you kept believing were possible. And you'll be so happy you held on long enough to make it there.So lets do this thing. Lets own what makes us unique. Lets refuse to let haters to stop us from moving forward. Lets turn our dreams into reality.Starting now. "Send this to everyone on your contact list. Text and email and/or post on social media. Then put a reminder somewhere to do what's above. Then read the book, "Keep Holding On." By Susane Colasanti. The cover may be cheesy but I swear it is the most WONDERFUL and FANTASTICAL book ever!- I am an UpstanderRead from "Keep Holding On"