Season 1, Episode 4:
Doom
I
"Are you kids having fun?" Professor Membrane asked, his voice like an instructional video played at double speed.
"Uh-huh," Gaz muttered, never looking up from the spaceships she was obliterating in her handheld game.
"Yup," Dib said, never looking away from nothing in particular.
"Great," their father snapped.
There was a loud bang and a sound like a monkey screeching behind Professor Membrane, and then the hovering screen went black.
Dib sighed as he lay back in the soft Hawaiian sand. He stared up at the perfect blue sky and listened to the sounds of the beach. Waves caressing the shore, children laughing, cameras clicking, volleyballs thumping. All the sounds of the carefree, ignorant human race who, unlike Dib, did not need to worry about the impending alien invasion of the Earth.
Dib wanted to think that this surprise vacation had been for his own good; to take some of the strain away from his daily struggles with his repugnant school, his teacher, Ms. Bitters (who, before he left, had threatened to make him the school's scarecrow if he missed any lessons while he was away), the constant criticism he received from the other members of the Swollen Eyeball, and, of course, foiling Zim's disturbing schemes for world domination.
He knew, of course, that he and his sister were only in Hawaii in case their father's latest experiment wiped out their hometown in a fatal radiation outbreak.
As strange as their father was, Dib knew that he cared about him and Gaz. Perhaps not enough to simply not perform such a risky experiment, but Dib was willing to take what he could get.
But Dib wasn't as worried about radiation as he was about Zim. He knew that his Irken nemesis had a spaceship, and so could easily follow him to Hawaii in a matter of minutes. Zim could easily dispose of him here, escape the local authorities, and then return to school the next day with a rehearsed alibi.
"Oh, I have no idea what happened to the Dib-stink-boy," He imagined Zim saying innocently (or as innocently as Zim's slimy voice could manage) to Ms. Bitters.
"I was at home all day yesterday, afflicted with the deadly human sickness, common amongst humans such as myself, a human! I do hope someone didn't follow him to Ha-way-ee, transform him into a waffle and then feed him to my dog!"
The very thought made him shiver in the scorching heat.
But he'd been gone a whole day, and there was still no sign of Zim. Which wasn't to say that he wasn't coming. Dib knew Zim well enough to assume that the Irken was trying to lull him into a false sense of security.
He was going nuts. It was impossible to prepare for Zim's attack, so he may as well relax a little, if only to spite Zim.
"I'm gonna go for a walk, Gaz," he said, standing and brushing sand out of the fin-like shape of his sleek black hair.
"Yell if you see Zim lurking around,"
"What if I just yell for fun?" Gaz grunted as she scored a triple-blast power-up.
Dib gave her a stern look over his glasses, despite knowing she wasn't looking, and set off on his way.
If nothing else, Dib appreciated how much more pleasant Hawaii was than his hometown. It was refreshing to feel a breeze that didn't smell like manure, to look somewhere and not see an ad for Bloaty's Pizza, to look at a passerby and be smiled at instead of stared, and to have some sun, for crying out loud.
When he became a paranormal investigator, he would situate his base of operations somewhere like this; where the places and people weren't as ugly as the things hiding behind them.
Dib looked into the inviting distance, past the lifeguard's tower, past a game of volleyball, past a trio of soaked surfboarders, past a man in a black coat walking his dog, past a portly sunbather enjoying an ice cream cone-
Who wears a black coat in Hawaii?
Even Dib, who favored black coats, had changed to a t-shirt and shorts for the boiling weather. They were still black, but at least he had made an effort.
He squinted at the man in the distance, and saw that his dog was not relieving himself at a nearby palm tree, as Dib had assumed, but was actually sucking on it like a popsicle.
Dib squinted further, and found that the old man's bearded head was shaped like an inverted pyramid, and his skin was a sickly green.
Zim looked at Dib and cracked his jagged grin like a rusted steel trap.
Dib hid behind a nearby palm tree, telling himself that it was a strategic maneuver and not a show of fear. He channeled his anxious breaths through his nose, hoping he would sound less scared as he ruminated his next move.
He thought he might simply run towards Zim, tear his disguise off, and simply shout at any nearby locals or tourists, "Look, he's an alien," and hope that people were more observant here than at home.
He heard the sand sift behind him and turned around, expecting to find Zim or some repugnant creation of his sneaking up on him.
Instead, he found a girl about his age who he figured was a local. She had long, black hair down to her shoulders, and wore something red with a white flower pattern that reached her bare feet (Dib swore that there was a proper name for it, but it eluded him.)
Dib opened his mouth for a simple hello, and the girl slapped her hand over it.
"Shhh," she whispered. "They'll find me…" she peered around the tree, then immediately pressed her back against it. She was panting, as if she had been running as fast as she could.
Dib didn't say another word; he was smart enough not to give away his position so carelessly. He found a coconut by the base of the tree and picked it up, twisting it between his hands like a baseball, and waited for the moment to strike.
"Found you!"
It was a monster with red fur like fire coating its body. Its black claws were raised in triumph, as if ready to slash downwards at Dib and the girl. Its head was like the pointed front of an arrow, its long ears were like the wings of an alien attack vessel, and its mouth of sharp teeth was huge enough to swallow both Dib and the girl in one swooping gulp.
"TAKE THAT, YOU ALIEN FREAK!" Dib hurled the coconut straight at the creature's face, where it smashed into pieces and covered its target's face in milk.
Dib felt elated for barely a second, and then the creature's black eyes looked at him from behind a mask of milk.
It was decidedly ticked.
Dib was ready to turn and run; run and find a more effective projectile. But the creature didn't lunge at him.
The girl did.
"Hey!" She scolded, shooting him a glare just as piercing as the creature's.
"What was that for?!"
"I-I-I-I-..." Dib's tongue seemed to malfunction as he backed away.
Then something happened that made his mind malfunction.
The milk-soaked creature multiplied. Suddenly, there was a band of them in front of him; a blue one, a pink one, three green ones, one of which had a white mohawk of fur on its head like the helmet of a Spartan warrior. Dib looked up and found a golden one hovering above him, supported by what appeared to be a frozen bolt of lightning. He looked back down, and there was one three times the size of the others, and it had two heads.
Dib fell to the sandy ground, his legs and his head freezing as the monsters surrounded him.
"Please!" He screamed, holding his hands out as if they would do any good. He instantly regretted this, knowing they would bite his arms off first, but it was too late.
He was nothing but a cowering statue as he waited for the first agonizing bite.
Something furry was brushing his palm.
Dib opened his eyes, seeing the world clearly after it had been only a horrifying blur of colors to him.
The blue creature was rubbing its head against his hand, not unlike a dog or a cat. Its fur was even softer than any dog's, at least those which had ever allowed Dib to pet them.
The creature looked up at Dib; his wide mouth seemed just as talented at smiling as it might be at swallowing children whole.
"Did we scare you?" He asked in a raspy, squeaky voice while tilting his head.
Dib said nothing. His heart was slowing to its normal pace, but he was still a statue.
There was something wet on his cheek; the pink one was licking it with her pale purple tongue. Dib discovered that she had two appendages protruding from her head; antennaes that flowed behind her head like ponytails.
Something warm on his forehead; one of the green ones was sniffing it with his trunk, which was like a baby elephant's.
Dib sat up, and the creatures, dogs, whatever they were, gave him space. He looked to the red one, and found him with the green one who had the white mohawk.
"Youga okay, Dan?" The green one asked in a graveled but tender voice, his three-fingered hand resting gingerly on the red one's shoulder.
"I'm fine, Chop," The red one, who apparently was named Dan, said, his soft tone like a more affectionate version of Dib's father's authoritative voice.
"It's only my feelings that are hurt." He smiled with a warmth that fit his voice.
The green one, Chop, licked a trickle of milk from Dan's cheek, and Dan's dripping face lit up.
Dib looked around at the other creatures. He found the third green one sitting on the shoulders of the one with the trunk. His head split into three fins like a jester's cap. Dib assumed the creature was aware of the resemblance, as he was wearing a purple ruff, had a polka dot of the same color painted on his white belly, and his crimson nose was clearly a false one. He smiled in a playful way that was blood-curdling on human clowns, but this creature was able to make it inviting.
Dib looked up at the flying golden one. Where the others had black eyes, this one's were blue. His lips curled into a mischievous smile, and he folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at Dib, as if Dib were the stranger specimen.
Dib turned around and looked at the enormous green one. He found that he didn't have two heads after all; the second head belonged to a much smaller creature perched on his shoulder like a gargoyle.
"Youga have funny hair," The smaller one said.
The bigger one scratched behind his floppy ear with his left hand, which Dib saw had no fingers.
Finally, he looked back at the girl, who was still glaring at him.
"You should apologize to Daniel," she ordered, folding her arms.
"I…" Dib's tongue wasn't back from its break just yet. "I thought they were after you,"
"We were only playing hide-and-go-seek, and throwing coconuts is against the rules,"
"I don't care much for your racism, either," Daniel added, wiping away any milk that Chop hadn't yet licked from his face.
"Alien freak,"
Dib gulped. He was used to his ongoing battle against the extraterrestrial being ignored, but never before had it been so quickly reversed to him being the villain and the aliens being the victims.
"...I'm sorry, uh, Daniel," He finally said. He wondered why the creature's scolding eyes made him more anxious than Zim's warped pink ones.
"I've had run-ins with evil aliens before, and I thought you were one,"
Daniel smiled at him. Dib restrained a flinch as the alien came in for a hug. His fur was cozy, as were his arms, although they were cozy in a very precise way; an expertly practiced medium between an indifferent hold and a spine-snapping bear hug, which Dib believed Daniel was quite capable of.
"Then we'll forget the whole thing and start again,"
"Uh, sure…" Dib said as he was released. "My name's Dib,"
"My name Stitch Pelekai," the blue one replied, hopping onto Daniel's shoulders.
Daniel barely budged, as if the stunt had been rehearsed.
"Meega Angel Pelekai," the pink one said, leaping onto Stitch's shoulders and rolling in the air on the way.
Dib's jaw dropped at her show of agility.
"Sparky Pelekai," the golden one said, dropping onto Angel's shoulders.
"Elastico Pelekai," the clown chirped. His leg stretched up like a rubber band to the top of the tower, and then carried the rest of him up.
"Ellie isa good, too,"
"Felix Pelekai," the one with the trunk rode up on Elastico's elongated arm.
"Clyde Pelekai." The huge one scooped up Daniel and placed the teetering tower on his thick shoulders.
"Bonnie Pelekai." Dib expected this one to climb to the top, considering her small stature, but to his astonishment, she snuck under Clyde and became the tower's new base. She didn't even look exerted.
"Chopsuey Pelekai." The one with the mohawk lifted the girl onto his skinny shoulders, and the two laughed together as they ascended the tower.
Clawed hands were extended as hand and footholds for them.
The tower was finally completed, with the girl serving as the top.
"And my name's Lilo," she called down to Dib. "Pelekai, as well," she added.
Dib marveled at the tower, and at the spectacular combination of strength, agility, teamwork, and playfulness that it embodied. It barely teetered, not even when Bonnie lifted her left foot to itch her right ankle.
But most of all, Dib was captivated by the strangeness of the tower and its participants, by the excitable need to do something as randomly dangerous as performing a stunt to make an introduction. Dib thought about his classmates, about his fellow Swollen Eyeball members, about Gaz, and every time one of them had called him strange, or a weirdo, or certifiably insane.
He thought about how much he hated it.
He looked up the tower, at each face smiling down at him, already having forgotten the coconut fiasco. Dib realized that, if he called any of them strange, they would thank him for the compliment.
How nice that must feel.
"So…" Dib began, unsure how he could follow up such an acrobatic introduction.
"How are you all related?"
Lilo and her friends exchanged looks up and down the tower before they answered in unison.
"Cousins,"
"Huh…" Dib watched on as Bonnie set down Clyde, then Clyde set down Daniel, and so on until they were all surrounding him again.
"Are you here on vacation, Dib?" Lilo asked.
"What, uh, what gives you that idea?" Dib stuck his hands in his pockets and lifted his head, hoping he looked cooler than he felt.
"Wearing black," Stitch answered, tugging on his sleeve. "Too hot for black clothes in Hawaii,"
"Ih," Angel added, sniffing at Dib's forehead. "Youga sweaty,"
Dib wiped his brow. The sweat may also have been from the near heart attack he had experienced only minutes ago.
"Yeah, me and my sister, Gaz, are here on vacation," He said. "Well, it's not so much a vacation as a safety precaution, in case our dad's latest experiment causes a lethal radiation breakout that wipes out the city,"
"Oh," Elastico said, and then bent over to enter a handstand, as if to keep from growing bored of the conversation. His feet pedaled lazily in the air.
"Well, youga and sis get to come here and do fun stuff. Youga surf yet?"
"Not yet," Dib replied, although he hadn't even considered going surfing. He thought that, for him, it would just be swimming with the added prelude of embarrassing himself by tumbling off a board.
"I've been too busy looking for Zim,"
"Zim?" Lilo repeated. "Is he a friend of yours?"
"Anything but," Dib chuckled. "He's been sent by the Irken Empire to conquer the planet. I'm the only one who can see through his disguise, so it's up to me to stop him,"
"An Irken? On Earth?" Chopsuey stepped towards him. "What is he planning?"
Dib didn't answer straight away. Admittedly, he had never successfully convinced someone that Zim was an alien, let alone having to divulge the Irken's plan to them.
"I, uh, don't know what he's up to this time. But in the past, he's done stuff like turn me into a baloney,"
"Eugh," The Pelekais groaned collectively.
"Or mind control everyone using a giant pimple,"
"Eugh,"
"Or steal people's organs and replace them with...stuff,"
"EUGH!"
"And this other time he tried to trap our whole class in a room…"
The Pelekais leaned in, their faces frigid with anticipation.
"With a moose!"
"Now that is just mean," Clyde scoffed.
"Sounds like Irken, alright," Chopsuey growled.
"Meega hope he not want our organs," Felix said, hugging his stomach protectively.
"Zim sounds really gross," Sparky grunted before sliding his pale blue tongue into his left nostril, rummaging around obsessively for some pesky thing deep within his sinus.
Dib couldn't believe his luck; people were actually listening to him. For a moment, he was suspicious that the Pelekais were another creation of Zim's, sent to make him feel protected before luring him into some kind of trap. But that just wasn't Zim's style. And though the Irken would say otherwise, Dib knew that he wasn't quite that clever.
"Where could Zim be?" Stitch asked him.
"I just saw him over there…" Dib pointed into the distance, and the green-skinned old man was still watching his dog suck on the trunk of a palm tree.
Stitch hopped onto the nearby tree, landing just below the petal-like leaves. He leaned out supported only by his right hand and foot and looked at where Dib had directed. He resembled a sailor on the mast of a ship.
"Ih," he said. "He's Irken, for sure. I can see green skin. And he just the right height…" he looked down at Dib, showing him his sharp teeth in a kind but still somewhat unnerving grin.
"Let's go talk to him,"
II
Dib learned more on the walk towards Zim than he had in the entire school year thus far. Not because the alien Pelekais' origins were more practical facts than how to skin a moose or what existed in the space where he stood before the big bang (Nothing!), but because he was much more interested in the former.
And also because, unlike Ms. Bitters, the Pelekais did not hiss and snarl before and after answering questions.
It turned out that the Pelekais were not from another planet, but were genetic creations built by scientists for a purpose very similar to the Irken Empire's.
"Except Lilo," Felix had added, leaning against her shoulder as they walked.
"Lilo is normal human made in normal human way,"
"Lilo helped meega one day after crash landing," Stitch continued, walking backwards to face Dib. He performed an effortless backflip before carrying on.
"Lilo helped meega be better. Helped us all be better,"
Dib looked at each of the furry creatures, who were all smiling at him with infatuated curiosity. Their anatomies seemed to be caught between that of a human's and that of a dog's, but their faces, with their big black eyes, their round noses, and their ears that jumped up and down as much as their owners did, all had a captivating cuteness that Dib recognized most from dogs.
He wondered, then, what exactly they must have been like before they came to Earth. Had they been like Zim, swiping organs and turning people into sandwich meat? Or had they been even worse.
Dib wanted to know.
"And what kind of stuff do you do now?"
He had hesitated, and the wrong question reached his lips. In hindsight, he thought it may be for the best. After all, the Pelekais were on route to becoming Dib's only friends, and more importantly, friends who would be essential in stopping Zim. He didn't want to mess it up so quickly.
And yet, he was still curious.
"Meega electrician," Sparky answered, hovering above Dib and wiggling his clawed fingers, which juggled sparks.
"We fix computers," Bonnie said, sitting on Clyde's shoulders and laying lazily on his head.
"Meega help at farm-ah-cist," Felix said, eagerly raising a clawed hand.
"I help at construction site," Elastico said, leaning against Felix's back and curling his elongated arms around them both.
"But I really want to start circus!"
"I teach archery." Chopsuey aimed with an invisible bow.
"I'm an English tutor," Daniel said. This did not surprise Dib, who was just as curious as to why Daniel's english was so far ahead of his cousins as he was of their past.
"And meega and Stitch play music in town while Lilo is at school," Angel concluded, hopping onto Stitch's shoulders. Stitch continued walking in reverse as if unaware of his cousin standing on him.
"Our favorite is Heartbreak Hotel,"
"So you all have jobs?" Dib asked. "Actual, regular jobs? People around here hire aliens?"
"Well, they hired Sparks, Ellie, and Felix," Daniel replied. "The rest of us are self-employed,"
"Stitch and Angie weren't even trying to make money," Lilo added merrily. "They just like playing music in the street, and for some reason, people just give them money,"
"That's...That's actually really cool," Dib said.
"You like music?"
"No. Well, yes, but I mean it's neat that there are aliens who can blend into society in a good way, who can have jobs and...Just do good stuff,"
"You think we can't?" Bonnie snapped at him, glaring at him from atop Clyde's shoulders.
"What? No. I just, uh…"
Bonnie grinned at him before leaping down onto his shoulders, snickering and ruffling his hair.
Din braced himself for the body weight about to drop onto him, but there was only a faint feeling like a pillow had been thrown at him.
Perhaps that was why the Pelekais seemed so unperturbed by their cousins spontaneously climbing on them; they were so light that it was barely noticeable.
Dib actually found it somewhat pleasant.
He wondered if Clyde was as light despite his size. He didn't ask; he thought it might be even more intruding than asking further about the Pelekais' past.
Soon they were face-to-face with the old man in the black coat. He greeted them with a jagged smile from beneath his grey beard, ignoring the pleased humming of his 'dog', still tasting away at the tree.
"Hola," he said, waving a three-fingered hand. "Don't mind me; just a passing tourist, enjoying the bile-I mean, the beautiful Ha-way-een scenery,"
"Are you serious?" Stitch groaned, folding his arms.
Dib cackled silently at Zim's stunned expression, with wide eyes revealing square pupils.
"Of course I'm serious," the Irken declared. "I take my touristing very seriously-"
Stitch swiped his hat away, revealing two black antennae like those of an insect.
"Youga not tourist; youga Irken!"
"I don't know the meaning of that word!" Zim insisted, pinning his antennae down against his head with his hands.
"These are tumors which I have had since I was a puny human child," he said the word through his teeth, as if it caused him pain.
"And I would thank you not to make fun of them!"
"Stop lying," Angel scoffed, seizing Zim's false beard and tearing it away. It didn't make a sound, but Zim released a delayed cry.
"Oh, ow!" He yelled. "You've ripped out all of my facial hair! You didn't even give me a warning! Oh, what a horrible thing to do to a human of my old age!"
"This naga real beard," Angel retorted. "Real beard naga have net under,"
"That's just the way I shave it!" Zim argued.
He opened his mouth for another feeble fib, but then Elastico's finger stretched out at him, stuck to his left eye, and pulled. The contact lens popped out, and the purple eyeball of an Irken was revealed.
"Ha!" Elastico declared, waving the stolen lens teasingly above his head. "How youga explain eyes? Got youga!"
"I have pinkeye!" Zim shouted, his thin, pointed tongue rising out of his mouth like a serpent slithering from down in his throat.
"Face it, Zim!" Dib interjected. "We've found you out! You can't get out of this one, so you might as well just tell us your evil plan so we can put a stop to it!"
"Oh, fine!" The Irken spat. "To be honest, it's not an especially complicated plan this time, Dib…"
He threw his coat off, revealing his pink body armor, as well as a purple laser cannon twice his size, which roared to life as a green bulb of light sparked in its barrel.
"I'm just going to disintegrate you with my Atomic Disintegrator Of Doom, or ADOD, for short. And I think I'll destroy your filthy new friends, as well! And then there will be nothing that can stand in the way of my total domination of your pitiful planet! NOTHI-"
Angel and Chopsuey yanked the weapon from Zim's hands as Elastico's elongated arm grasped his head, pushing it back so he looked at the sky as his arms flailed desperately. Then Stitch stomped in front of him, brought his fist back, and sent it up into Zim's gut.
And then the Irken was flying.
Dib released all of his anxiety and his fear in a bellowing laugh as he watched Zim ascend like a firework. For a moment, he thought he wasn't going to come down. He thought Stitch had punched Zim all the way back to Irk, where he would have to explain his humiliating defeat to his leaders, who would never again dream of invading a planet with such powerful defenders.
Zim landed on the sand, where he was surrounded by a dusty cloud upon impact.
Dib actually preferred this outcome, since he got to see Zim's petrified face. The humiliation seemed to have hit him harder than the physical pain.
"Ow…" The Irken soon wheezed. "Muh...My squeedlyspooch…" He looked up at Stitch, remaining totally motionless on the ground.
"What was that for?"
"You try to shoot us!" Stitch retorted.
"It's not fair...Couldn't have known...You had such...Powerful muscles,"
"Is fair! We save friends from Zim's big gun!"
"I was at a...Clear disadvantage…" Zim let out a long, hacking cough. "And you ambushed me...I demand a rematch,"
"No rematch," Stitch scolded. "Youga very naughty, and youga not hurt Dib or steal organs or make baloney every again!"
"Call Bubbles?" Felix suggested. "He take Zim to prison?"
"Probably better to call the Federation," Daniel replied. "Best to keep Zim away from any planets he might want to conquer,"
"Yes!" Dib cheered. The Pelekais looked at him.
"Uh, yes. That's a great idea,"
"Before you turn me in…" Zim wheezed, still unmoved from where he had landed. "May I say one last thing?"
"What is it, stupidhead?" Stitch asked.
"GIR…" The Irken looked to his 'dog', who finally stopped his intimacy with the palm tree.
"Activate Plan 6139438765312-D,"
"Yes, Master!" the dog said in a deep, menacing computer voice, saluting his fallen commander.
GIR turned to the Pelekais and clutched the cheeks of his dog disguise, which gazed at his opponents with empty, crossed eyes. He ripped his false skin away, revealing a steel body whose appearance was clearly modeled after Zim's people.
His wide eyes lit up in a hellish red.
The Pelekais put their firsts up, ready as the robot charged at them on leg-mounted jets.
Stitch reached out to grab GIR, and their claws locked. GIR's chest opened, and Stitch braced himself for whatever was about to emerge from it.
'Wake me up before you go-go,
Don't leave me hangin' on like a yo-yo!'
GIR wheeeeed as he swung Stitch's arms back and forth in a childish dance.
Stitch said nothing, but he looked at each of his cousins like he was being held hostage.
"I said 6139438765312-D, GIR!" Zim spat, managing to lift his head a little.
"Ooooooooh!" GIR said, throwing his head back in realization. His mechanical voice has regressed to that of a toddler.
"I thought you said twenty-two!"
He twisted behind Stitch and restrained him around the waist.
"Woah man!" Stitch yelped as he was lifted into the air, extending his arms as he prepared to absorb the impact of the suplex.
"Cootchie cootchie coo!"
Stitch was stopped in mid-air, balanced on GIR's cold metal chest. The robot's wirey claws scurried through his fur.
"Hey-hee-hee-hee-hee!" He cackled. "Stop! Stop! Sto-hah-hah-hah-hap!"
"Hey! Youga ask per-mish-on before tickling!" Angel scolded, moving in to seize GIR.
The robot ducked her swooping arms, dropping Stitch in the process.
"Missed me! Missed me!" He dove under Angel's legs, then reached back and grasped her left ankle.
"Now you gotta make me a pizza!"
"Waugh!" Angel was upside-down, and then on her front, while GIR was on her back with her foot under his coil-like arm.
"Hey, your foot has a sticky thing on it!" The robot chirped as his fingers assaulted Angel's sole.
"Na-ha-ha-ga! Na-ha-ha-ha-ga!" Angel roared with laughter. "Make you-hoo-hoo a sticky thing-hee-hee-hee!"
Bonnie and Felix crept up behind GIR, reaching out to grab him.
"Surprise!" GIR's head spun around like an owl's, and his cold hands leaped at his two would-be attackers, landing in the space between the neck and the shoulder.
"Hee-hee! Nah-hah-hah!" Felix giggled, sandwiching GIR's hand under his chin. "That most ticklish pla-ha-ha-hace!"
"Mee-hee-heega nala-ha-ha-ha quee-hee-hee-heesta!" Bonnie said through her teeth in a grinning combination of laughing and growling.
Elastico's arm looped around GIR.
"Got you now!" The clown cheered, pulling GIR in and holding him upside-down.
"Now…" He began, pointing a scolding finger at the robot's suddenly blank, blue-eyed face.
"Surprise tickles only for cousins and very, very good friends. If youga want to tickle, youga should ask first,"
"...Can I tickles you?" GIR asked in the assuming tone of a student requesting a washroom break.
"No," Elastico's black eyes narrowed.
"Awwwwww. Not even a little?"
"I said no." He glared at the robot for a few seconds, and then…
"Beep!" GIR's sharp finger extended from under Elastico's arm and poked his false red nose.
The clown went to smack the finger away, but before he could, it had jumped into his exposed armpit.
Elastico screamed with laughter, unable to form even the first syllable of a plea for mercy.
GIR wiggled his way out of Elastico's hold, only to find himself surrounded on four fronts; Clyde, Chopsuey, and Daniel forming a triangle around him, and Sparky above him.
"Just give up," Clyde growled. "Easy for youga,"
GIR stared blankly around him for several seconds, and then tilted his head. Four wires, each tipped with a metal hand, protruded from ports in his head; the nose, the ear, the scalp, and the back.
Chopsuey, Daniel, and Clyde each caught a wire, but the fourth snared Sparky's ankle.
"Aw, mah-hah-hah-hah-han!" He shouted. "Shou-hoo-hoo-hood have gone higher!" His body surged with electricity, but GIR only snickered as the snaking sparks bounced off of his metal head.
The robot elongated the wires trapped in his opponents' fists, stealing three quick chin tickles before yanking his appendages free.
"I want ice cream!" He declared as his leg-jets carried him in the downed Zim's direction.
"No ice cream, GIR!" The Irken commanded, his piercing voice still polluted by a pained hack.
"Straight back to the ship!"
"Chocolate chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!" GIR scooped up his master and took to the skies, tailed by a thin streak of smoke.
Dib and the Pelekais watched as they shrank into the distance.
"What a couple of weirdos," Lilo scoffed. "Are you guys alright?"
"Yeah. Okitaka," Angel replied, rubbing her foot. "GIR is rough. He tickles scratchy,"
"And too hard…" Felix rubbed his neck. "Nothing worse than scratchy tickle,"
"He didn't ask first!" Elastico folded his arms. His rubbery face made even his pouting seem playful.
"Very rude!"
Felix came up behind him and leaned on his shoulder.
"Cheer youga up with not-scratchy tickle, Ellie?" He purred.
This earned him a smile.
"Yes please, boojiboo." Elastico rubbed his furry cheek against Felix's.
This earned him a raspberry on his purple-spotted belly. His laughter was much more comfortable than it had been with GIR.
"Huh," Dib said, turning to Lilo. "I swear, Zim usually does some real messed up stuff,"
"I believe you," she said, as calm as if she had not just met Zim for herself.
"But it looks like he won't be doing anything for a while. Now you can relax,"
"I guess," Dib muttered.
He thought for a moment about how swiftly Lilo's cousins had dealt with Zim. After all of his own inventions and schemes, the most effective method was simply to stand back and let another alien face Zim instead. Could that mean that Zim had won in some way? Though the Irken had lost the battle, Dib had still not defeated him.
Perhaps, Dib thought, Zim was right. Perhaps Zim truly was superior to him.
"Hey," Lilo brought Dib back to reality. "Now that Zim's gone, you wanna go surfing with us?"
Dib accepted. Even if he embarrassed himself by tumbling into the water, it might at least purge the discomforting question from his mind for a while.
III
Dib wondered if Lilo could tell that he was a terrible surfer.
Her cousins each doubled up on their own boards; Stitch with Angel, Bonnie with Clyde, Felix with Elastico, and Chopsuey with Daniel, while Sparky flew around them as they glided effortlessly along the rolling waves.
Lilo, however, had opted to keep her and Dib's board in the calmer parts of the water. Dib initially thought this was condescending of her, as if she were simplifying the activity for him, but her smile told him that she was trying to be kind.
"Does your dad do lots of experiments?" She asked him.
"All the time," he said, keeping his legs crossed on the board. "He does experiments at work, and then he comes home and does some more. I bet he even writes out his conclusions in his head while he sleeps,"
"Do you and your sister get lonely?" Her feet paddled in the translucent water.
"...You know, I never really thought about it," Dib answered. "Gaz is so sucked up in her video games, and I've been focusing on my paranormal investigations...I mean, I notice sometimes, if I need his help with a new project, but...I usually have bigger fish to fry, you know?"
"Fish like Zim," Lilo added.
"Right,"
She smiled, but it was more like a frown in disguise.
"Do you like chop suey?" She asked, smiling more sincerely.
Dib looked past her at the waves in the distance. He found Chopsuey holding Daniel's hand as they leaned in opposite directions off of their board. The wave carried them as if it were conscious, curving and rising and sinking according to their movements. When they reached its end, they pulled each other back upright, and their noses touched.
They shut their eyes, smiling as if they could drift peacefully to sleep together right there on their feet.
"He seems nice," Dib said. "He's got cool hair,"
Lilo chuckled. "I mean the food. It's a Chinese dish,"
"Uh, no. I've never had any Chinese food. Just Bloaty's Pizza and whatever living or not-living mush they serve in my school's cafeteria,"
"Well, my sister's making some homemade chop suey. It's Felix's recipe. If you like, you could come over and try some,"
There was something warm inside Dib. He had felt hot many times in the past, especially whenever confronting Zim, but he couldn't remember ever feeling just warm. He suspected that it wasn't just the weather.
"Sure. Why not?"
Lilo smiled at him.
"What is this?!" A buzzing voice called from above.
Dib looked up and found Sparky hovering over Lilo, his pointed teeth shown in a playful grin and his blue eyes glowing with mischief.
"You guys naga surfing?"
"I wanted to talk to Dib, Sparky," Lilo leaned her head back to look up at him.
"Oh. Done talking?"
"I think so,"
"Then come on!"
Sparky dropped onto Lilo's shoulders, and she took hold of his ankles. He lifted her like a helicopter towing cargo, then rotated before dropping Lilo down onto Dib's shoulders.
"Hang on tight!" Lilo and Sparky declared.
Dib urgently clung to Lilo's ankles, and immediately found himself dangling high above the water.
Sparky carried them over the other surfers and the roaring waves, making Dib feel like he was swimming in the sky.
Dib found their destination; another of the Pelekais' towers balanced on a single board.
Clyde served as the base with Chopsuey and Daniel standing on each outstretched arm. Elastico was handstanding on Chopsuey's shoulders, and Felix did likewise on Daniel's. Bonnie was upside-down on Felix's left foot and Elastico's right foot. Stitch and Angel each stood with a single palm on one of Bonnie's feet.
Dib saw the structure that he was about to top, and the stacked Pelekais looked up at their approaching addition.
They cheered, and he screamed.
"You okay, Dib?" Lilo called over the roaring waves and her laughing cousins.
Dib only yelped as he found himself standing on Angel's right foot and Stitch's left foot.
"Just let us know if you want to get off!"
Dib considered it, but he felt stuck, and not just to the adhesive pads on Stitch and Angel's feet. He was frozen; not as he had been when the Experiments had startled him, but more hypnotized. He felt the chill of the sea wind on his face, the waves revving like a humongous motorcycle, the sensation of being parted from the ground and the sea which he could only describe as freedom.
It terrified and tickled him.
His screaming became a soft and automatic drone. His mind went blank, purged of any thoughts of his father or his sister or of Zim. He was barely even aware that he was on the water.
He felt happy, and that was all he was.
The surfing tower tilted with the wave and then dismantled. Dib was returned to the world with a trenchant jolt.
His heart was in his throat as he watched the Pelekais tumble into the sea, and as he wondered why he kept his position in the air.
Then he remembered that he was still holding onto Lilo, who was still holding onto Sparky, who was keeping them airborne. Dib looked up at them and found them laughing. Dib felt looser, closer to the water than to his supporters, and found that it was because Lilo was only holding onto one of Sparky's ankles now.
"You feelin' good, Dib?" She called down to him.
"Uh...Yeah. Just peachy." His voice came out more high-pitched than he thought it should have.
He glanced down at the dead wave riddled with ripples, then back up at Lilo, who sent him a playful smile.
She took a hand away from Sparky's ankle.
"Please don't," Dib said, still high-pitched. He repeated himself in his ordinary voice.
Lilo lifted a pinkie.
"Please," Dib urged over Sparky's buzzing snickering.
Lilo let go, and Dib was deafened by his own screaming mixed with Lilo and Sparky's laughter. He saw the electrician twirling in the air, and then there was nothing but blue as the world was silenced in a bubbling rumble.
Dib opened his eyes, thankful that he had left his glasses with Gaz, although he wasn't sure how attentive she was being of them. Despite the fuzziness of his vision, he was surprised at how clear and clean everything appeared.
Sun rays shimmered on the ocean floor far beneath Dib, making him feel like he was still up in the air, but without relying on the Pelekais to keep him aloft.
Schools of fish flew by in the space around him, all of them varying in sizes and colors, and many possessing unique features like stripes or longer fins. Like the Pelekais, Dib thought.
He looked straight down at the sandy floor, and there they were, smiling back up at him as they clung to two long green ropes, which Dib then realized were Elastico's legs elongated from above.
Dib was surprised to find the Pelekais so close to the ocean floor. They had fallen in first, and most of them were still at least five feet below him. They only exceptions were Daniel and Chopsuey; they were level with Dib, who noticed that, while they both clutched one of Elastico's legs, they were also holding on just as tightly to each other.
It seemed as if they were all like rocks in the water, which mystified Dib, who knew how light they were on land. His theory was further supported when the Pelekais began climbing arm-over-arm up Elastico's legs, which appeared to be an exerting task even with their remarkable strength.
Dib ascended himself, and tasted the fresh Hawaiian air again after four upwards strokes.
The first thing he saw was Elastico sitting on a surfboard, looking down at his legs in the water, and bouncing lightly as he hummed in a smooth voice that sounded like an Elvis impression.
"Always on my miiiiind...Always on myyyyy mind…"
His soaked ruff stuck to his shoulders, and the purple spot on his belly was gone.
He stretched his arms out like a clothesline for his resurfacing cousins, who spread out along the limbs before shaking themselves dry. When they were done, their fur was all puffed out, making them seem like they were made of cotton candy.
Lilo resurfaced beside Dib, laughing from her very first breath. Sparky flew down behind her, reclining in the air with his arms behind his head, and he and his cousins laughed too.
Lilo looked right at Dib. She stopped laughing, and though her smile remained, it seemed to threaten to vanish.
Something traveled up Dib's throat, and when he opened his mouth, he discovered that it was laughter. The torrent of emotions that had been building up in his guy escaped him, and it felt wonderful.
Lilo and her cousins laughed with him.
For once in his life, he did not worry or scheme or scream to the sky in fury. For once, he just laughed.
IV
Piloting a pod back to his base in the filthy human town while his body burned with pain was infuriating enough for Zim.
Stopping midway to indulge GIR's ear-splitting wishes for ice cream, and then having said repellent gunk rubbed in his face the rest of the way, was enough to make Zim want to puke acid all over the planet, and then use the noxious ball to bludgeon GIR and Dib and his filthy new friends to death.
But since Irkens could not puke acid, and since he also did not have enough acid to cover the planet, and since he also was not strong enough to lift a planet, Zim knew that he would have to direct his anger towards a different solution.
As it happened, he had been developing a new machine that just might be of use to him now.
"GIR!" Zim commanded as he limped into his dimly lit base, filled with glorious Irken technology of purple metal and the most intimidating shades of green.
"Bring forth the DNA samples you collected from those disgustingly colorful creatures!" He held his hand out, and received a scoop of mint chocolate chip at the back of his head. It burned at the back of his skull, even after he had shaken it off, but not as much as the ghost of the punch still festering in his squeedlyspooch.
"THE DNA SAMPLES, GIR!"
"Ooooooooooooooooooooh," GIR chirped through a mouthful of ice cream. "Why didn't you say so?" A port in his chest whirred open, and out came a metal fist clutching a collection of blue, pink, yellow, red, and green fur.
"Excellent work, GIR!" Zim snatched the fur away, and held it to the air as if expecting lightning to strike it.
"Disgusting fur from the most disgusting parts of those disgusting creatures' disgusting bodies,"
"Aw, I thought they were fluffy," GIR whined.
"Yes, but they didn't punch you in the squeedlyspooch, GIR!" Zim retorted. "Now, prime the gene-splicing machine!"
"Okey-dokey!"
As the robot set off for his task, stuffing the remainder of his ice cream down his throat as he did, the enormous screen looking down on the lair like a disapproving entity flashed with the message; Incoming Transmission.
There was a microsecond of static, and then Zim was faced by his leaders, the Almighty Tallest, so named for their being nearly three times the height of any other living Irken. Though they were otherwise identical, they looked to Zim like awe-inspiring gods, no matter how bemused or exhausted they appeared.
"My Tallest!" Zim cheered, his voice reducing to that of a child. "I see you received my invitation!"
"Yes, we did, Zim," Tallest Red groaned. "And all six hundred and ninety-eight reiterations of it. We were tempted to see if you'd go higher, but then my brain started bleeding, and the doctor said it'd be less suicidal to just contact you,"
"Now, what was it you wanted us to see?" Tallest Purple asked, half-heartedly shoveling potato chips into his mouth.
"Please don't let it be more squirrels,"
"The squirrels were a perfectly efficient plan!" Zim pointed a declarative finger, standing as tall as he could with the pain that still encompassed him.
"I just didn't use enough liquid nitrogen! Anyway, I'd originally invited you so I could show you the dismembered limbs of my longtime nemesis on this planet!"
"The kid with the big head?" Tallest Purple asked through a mouthful.
"Yes, that's the one,"
"Right, well," Tallest Red sighed. "Bring 'em out so we can get back our more important responsibilities as leaders of the Irken Empire,"
"Yeah, all those donuts aren't going to eat themselves," Tallest Purple added.
"Yes, well, um," Zim cleared his throat. "There's been a change of plans, but I still have something to show you…" He looked left, expecting to find the metal dome against the wall whirring to life, but instead, he found GIR offering him two handfuls of bologna slices.
"Not meat slicer, GIR!" Zim roared. "Gene splicer!"
"Are you sure?" The robot tilted his wide-eyed head.
"A million gazillion percent sure!"
GIR stuffed the meat into his cheeks before turning back to the dome on the wall. He hit a big green button beside it, and it lit up like the malevolent grin on Zim's face.
"I am going to infuse myself with DNA from this!" He held the fur up for the Tallest to see.
"A ball of fluff?" Tallest Purple asked.
"Not just fluff, my Tallest, but DNA from what may be the strongest species in the galaxy! And now their strength shall be mine!"
Zim marched over to the sizzling dome, opened a metal box protruding from its side like a tumor, and trapped the fur inside it.
"Hang on…" Tallest Red muttered, stroking his sharp chin with one hand as the other snuck into his co-ruler's bag of chips.
"Colorful fur...Strongest in the galaxy...Did they have doggie noses too, Zim?"
"Yeah," Zim answered, stepping into the rumbling machine as casually as if it were a shower.
"Except for one; it had some long appendage instead. At first, I thought it was a long dribble of snot,"
"I think you might've found some of Jacques Hamsterviel's army,"
Some of whose what?"
"Those genetically engineered super-monsters from Turo,"
"Where-o?"
"They terrorized the Galactic Federation for years before they disappeared. We lost hundreds of potential invadees to them,"
"It was all over the news," Tallest Purple added, crushing his empty bag into a ball before tossing it over his shoulder.
"I haven't time to watch current events when I am too busy creating them!" Zim declared as the roaring of the machine grew louder.
"Actually, some would argue that being well-versed in current problems is essential for shaping the future,"
"So you don't know exactly what those things are, and you're going to put their DNA into your body?" Tallest Red asked.
"Yeah, why not?"
Zim's vision was flooded with a green light as the machine screamed in his ears. He thought he had gone deaf until Tallest Red spoke again.
"Hey, Zim, on the off chance that you don't blow yourself up right there, could you send those things' bodies to us for the lab guys?"
"Or at least so we can make some soft rugs?" Tallest Purple added. "I get achy standing on metal all the time,"
"It shall be done, my Tallest!" Zim declared. "As soon as I-"
He devolved into screaming.
A pain like thousands of the filthy creatures' fists ripped through his body. His skull struggled to escape his head, and jaws chomped at his innards. His spine climbed up his back to stab him in the neck.
It was the most wonderful thing Zim had ever felt.
V
Mama she done told me,
Papa done told me too.
At Lilo's house, Dib discovered that her family's abnormality didn't stop at its alien members.
Son, that gal you're foolin' with.
First, there was Nani. Dib thought it was strange that she looked half the age of his father, but then he remembered that Nani was Lilo's sister, not her mother. She was more than twice Lilo's age, but the resemblance was still there. Dib would have just as easily believed that she was Lilo's time traveling future self.
She ain't no good for you.
Then there was David, who he almost accidentally greeted as 'Mr. Pelekai' before discovering that he was only Nani's boyfriend. The playful way he scooped up Lilo and Stitch when he saw them almost fooled Dib again into thinking that he was Lilo's father.
But that's alright.
Lastly, there was Spooky, who Dib could not possibly mistake for anything else. He remembered learning in science class that water took the shape of its container (which was promptly demonstrated by Ms. Bitters ripping a toilet from the boys' washroom and showing it to the class). Spooky, however, was like water liberated from all containers. He slithered and curved in whichever direction or shape he liked.
That's alright.
"You can probably start on the rice now, Spooks," Nani said to him as she and David each jiggled two frying pans filled with chopped vegetables.
That's alright now, mama, anyway you do.
"Straight away, Nani." Spooky's watery form reached out and picked up a large cup of rice on the table. It seemed to float in the corner of water that was supposed to be a hand before being poured into a pot on the stove.
That's alright now, mama, anyway you do.
His liquid body swayed with the music emitting from the record player in the next room.
"How long are you here, Dib?" David asked, tossing the contents of his pan into the air and catching the vast majority of them when they returned. The few which hit the counter he quickly picked up and flicked back into the pan.
"'Till my dad finishes his experiment," Dib answered. "He has a camera drone here so he can let me and Gaz know straight away when it's safe to come home...You guys must get a lot of visitors around here with all the tourists,"
"Sometimes I think there are more tourists than locals," David laughed. "But we've never met a paranormal investigator before,"
He and Nani looked down between them and found Chopsuey gazing lustfully at the dancing veggies.
"Almost ready, Chop," Nani said, stroking his snowy mohawk. He purred and leaned against her hip.
"Smells so good, Nani…" Chopsuey licked his lips. "Meega think it will be best chop suey ever,"
"Thanks. Hey, if you guys set the table, I'll let you have the first helping,"
As Chopsuey eagerly retrieved a stack of plates from a cupboard behind him and distributed them to his cousins, Dib found himself still mentally referring to Nani and David as Lilo's parents. He wondered where her actual parents were. He felt a ghostly presence at the front door behind him; the feeling he got when he arrived home before his father, who would enter minutes or hours later.
That's alright now, mama, anyway you do.
He didn't say anything to the Pelekais, but he had a feeling that the ghostly presence had been at the door for a long time.
"Are you keen on the music of Elvis Presley, Dib?" Spooky asked. His voice was clear and deep, and though the length of the room was between them, Dib's ears rumbled as if Spooky were speaking straight into them like microphones.
"I, uh, haven't listened to much of his stuff,"
"This one coming up is my favorite,"
We're caught in a trap,
I can't walk out,
Because I love you too much, baby.
As if by hypnotic command, Lilo and her furry cousins went from simply setting down their plates to dancing with them.
Why can't you see,
What you're doing to me?
They spun with their plates on their heads, waved them at the ceiling, and then bowed to place them gingerly on the table.
When you don't believe a word I say?
They returned to their surfing partners. Dib wasn't ready when Lilo took his hands.
We can't go on together,
With suspicious minds.
He hoped he wasn't blushing.
And we can't build our dreams.
Lilo dipped Dib. Now he knew he was blushing.
On suspicious minds.
His eyes rolled upwards, finding the others dancing on the floor-turned-ceiling. Angel dipped Stitch, Clyde dipped Bonnie, Chopsuey dipped Daniel, and Elastico dipped Felix.
So if an old friend I know.
"What are you doing, Sparky?" Spooky asked as he wriggled in the electrician's arms.
Stops by to say hello.
"Want dance with youga,"
"You always dance with Lilo,"
"Lilo dance with Dib, so I dance with youga,"
"If you insist…"
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?
Spooky sprouted things like fingerless hands, which curled around Sparky's waist and neck to dip him.
"But at least let me lead,"
Here we go again,
Asking where I've been.
Everyone was let up, and the dipped partners each retaliated with a different move.
You can't see the tears are real.
Stitch lifted Angel into the air, letting her handstand on his palms.
I'm crying.
Bonnie picked Clyde up under his back and spun him around.
We can't go on together.
Felix took Elastico's hands and swung him under his legs. The clown wheeed as he came back up.
With suspicious minds.
Daniel pulled Chopsuey into a bear hug before burying his nose in his furry cheek.
And we can't build our dreams.
Dib looked over Lilo's shoulder and saw Spooky leaping over Sparky like a waterfall, while Nani and David left their cooking for a moment to share a short tango of their own.
On suspicious minds.
Dib thought hurriedly for a move to follow Lilo's, but in his haste, he could only think to do another dip.
Oh, let our love survive.
It seemed enough to amuse Lilo.
Or dry the tears from your eyes.
As he looked at her, listening as her laughter harmonized with Elvis, he felt the warmth in his gut getting hotter.
Let's don't let a good thing die.
It was still different from the heat that Zim made him feel. Rather than lava, he felt like he was lying by a fire after walking home in shoulder-high snow.
When, honey, you know.
He pulled Lilo up, and past her and the other dancing pairs, he saw something staring at them through the window. In the split second that he had to look at it, he couldn't tell exactly what it was, other than that it was hulking and about to smash the window.
I've never lied to you.
"Look out!" Dib cried.
He ducked to the floor, pulling Lilo down with him.
Her cousins did nothing, either because they were too slow, or because they knew that the torrent of glass would only bounce harmlessly off of them like bean bags.
We're caught in a trap.
Dib felt a few shards charge through his hair, and gasped with relief when they stopped before he could feel any cuts.
I can't walk out.
"Hey!" Stitch shouted. "Knock on door, stupidhead!"
Dib got up onto his hands and knees and looked up at the intruder.
Because I love you too much, baby.
Fur grew randomly out of his body, sometimes in large patches of blue, red, yellow, green, and pink, and sometimes interrupted by exposed sections of pale green skin.
I'm caught in a trap.
His body was carried by two skinny booted legs. All eight of his arms grew out of a torso shielded by ripped purple armor. Each arms was different, but most of them were meaty and furry. One had blue fur, one pink, one red which fizzled with green fire, one yellow that surged with electric sparks, one green which dangled like a noodle, one olive which had traded its fingers for doubled muscle mass, and the two closest to his neck were scrawny and black.
I can't walk out.
His left ear, the only visible one, was like a long multicolored wing. The single antennae protruding from the right side of his head was split down the middle between yellow and pink.
Because I love you too much, baby.
A trunk hung over his repugnant yellow teeth, and above it were two pupilless eyes; one pink, and the other torn between blue and black.
I'm caught in a trap.
Dib saw Chopsuey running past him out of the corner of his eye. At first he was concerned that he was fleeing, but Dib knew first hand what running in terror looked like, and that was not how Chopsuey looked.
I can't walk out.
"Behold, insects!" Zim declared, holding out all of his mismatched arms in a grand and ghastly display.
"The future of your filthy planet!"
Because I love you too much, baby.
"Youga filthy one, Zim!" Angel retorted. "Just look in mirror!"
"I have harnessed your powers! I am now stronger than all of you combined!"
"And youga smellier than all combined!"
"You dare to criticize my odor?! You who reek of coconuts and salty water-AAAAAIIIIIEEEEERRRGH!"
I'm caught in a trap.
Something dived into Zim's mouth and burst out of his cheek. When his writhing and shaking and calmed down, Dib got a good look at what it was.
I can't walk out.
An arrow.
As the Irken moaned in pain, Dib looked back and found Chopsuey perched on the staircase in a manner fitting of a statue in a courtyard.
He was armed with a wooden bow, painted green and almost equal to his own height. A quiver brimming with arrows was strapped to his back. In his lower pair of arms (which frightened Dib at first, but not nearly as much as the sight of the new-and-improved Zim.) he held a metal glove as big as his torso.
Because I love you too much, baby.
"Clyde, catch!"
He threw the gauntlet. Clyde caught it and slid it onto his fingerless hand. The metal digits wiggled to life as the palm lit up.
I'm caught in a trap.
"You parasite!" Zim spat as he tore the arrow from his cheek.
"First you puncture my squeedlyspooch, now you tear my flesh with primitive human weapons!"
I can't walk out.
"Youga parasite, Zim!" Chopsuey retorted. "Try to shoot us, break into home, turn into monster to hurt us!"
"But I haven't succeeded yet! If anything, I'm currently more your victim than you are mine!"
"...That does not make sense-"
"It is you who does not make sense!"
Chopsuey sighed and shook his head as if at a disobedient toddler.
Because I love you too much, baby.
"No longer will I stand for yours or anyone else's abuse! With my newfound, I shall annihilate you and Dib-stink and any others who would-"
"Oh, shut up!" Clyde opened his glowing metal palm, and a bolt of blue energy leaped out of it and shoved Zim out the way he had entered.
We're caught in a trap.
Stitch leaped out of the smashed window after the Irken, and was immediately followed by his cousins.
Spooky slithered at Chopsuey's heels like a living puddle.
I can't walk out.
Dib stared at the window as he and the other humans were left with nothing but Elvis singing over the sizzling stove.
Because I love you too much, baby.
His eyes rolled to find Nani and David taking two of the pans from the stove, bouncing them in their fists as if they were baseball bats.
Pans might help, but Dib thought he could come up with something better.
He remained frozen on his knees, partly from Zim's macabre new visage still etched in his mind's eye, but mostly from his brain working at double speed to formulate a plan.
He rewound to every moment he had spent that day with the Pelekais, scrutinizing them for even the slightest weakness that Zim may have inherited.
Not coconuts…
Not tickling…
He remembered surfing; all the Pelekais soaked...Except for Sparky. Of course; the electricity in his body would be deadly if he got too wet.
If Sparky could be hurt by water, then so could Zim.
He turned to Lilo.
"Water!" They spoke at the same time.
I'm caught in a trap.
Dib looked at her for a moment, savoring the look she was giving him.
Better than a smile or laughter, it was the look of understanding that he cherished. The feeling that he had just blurted another of his schemes against Zim, and somebody had looked at him and understood him.
I can't walk out.
It was the warmest he had ever felt.
"Jinx!" Lilo chirped.
Because I love you too much, baby.
VI
Stitch didn't like it.
Even against a mish-mashed monster like Zim, he didn't like fighting.
The glaring and snarling faces of his cousins, his claws against his palms in his fists, the hateful way his heart and head pounded as he charged at his opponent.
Zim reached out to grab him, so he ducked and came back up with an uppercut into the Irken's neck.
He didn't like it, but he sure was good at it.
He felt footsteps in the sand behind him. He dropped to one knee, striking Zim down the chin on the way, and turning his back into a stepping stone for Angel.
She hopped onto him on one foot, then sent the other into Zim's chin in a leaping backflip. Her antennae snaked downward, snared Zim's neck, and pulled Angel in for a headbutt sending Zim to the sandy ground.
"Nice one, boojiboo," Stitch and Angel chimed as Zim recovered.
"Maybe youga need help from robot," Stitch teased him.
Angel cocked a snook and blew a raspberry.
"I no longer require meager servants!" Zim yelled, pointing an electrified finger at his opponents.
"Least of all ice cream-eating imbeciles like GIR!"
As he ranted, Stitch kept his eyes on the puddle slithering through the sand towards Zim.
He had to admit; he was excited by Spooky's transformations in battle.
The puddle grew and locked Zim from behind in a full nelson. Two Irken heads appeared, one red-eyed and the other purple-eyed, and screamed in Zim's face.
"You are the worst Invader the Irken Empire has ever seen!" They roared together.
"M-M-My Tallest?" Zim whimpered.
"You are hereby exiled on the charge of incompetence, stupidity, and making us throw up in disgust at your terrible invading skills and your ugly face!"
"NO!" Zim jumped backwards and landed on his back, crushing the 'Tallest' him.
Spooky slipped out from under the hulking Irken.
"Ah, good," Zim seized the shapeshifter in two of his new fists.
"I was scared you were really The Tallest. What a sweet relief,"
His body pulsated with a dome of lightning.
Stitch's brain quaked at Spooky's screams.
Sparky flew overhead, rocketing towards Zim like a bullet. He passed unharmed through the electric field, then brought his feet forward into Zim's face. The lightning fizzled away as the Irken stumbled backwards, nearly falling but ultimately keeping his stance.
"Thank you, Sparky," Spooky said.
"Youga better dancer, but meega better fighter," the electrician teased as he scooped up his cousin and flew out of Zim's reach.
"Get back here you-" Zim spat, chasing after them.
"Don't run!" Bonnie leaped at his face, grabbing it and hurling it into the sand.
"We come to youga!" She landed on her hands, then sent her leg out in a roundhouse.
The recovering Zim leaned to the right and seized her ankle.
"AHA!"
"Aw, man, no fair!"
Zim spun Bonnie over his head like a lasso and tossed her.
Clyde caught her and threw her back at him. She tucked herself into a ball on the way and hit Zim in the forehead.
"Ow!" The Irken cried, clutching his forehead as Bonnie landed on his shoulders.
"Why you, you...You! OW OW OW!"
Felix reached up and grabbed his trunk, yanking him down like a rabid animal.
"Let go of my trunk you filthy piece of filth!"
"My trunk!" Felix objected. "Youga stole it! And meega have bath every day!"
Felix and Bonnie's fists barraged Zim's head.
Stitch sidestepped around them, ready to intervene if Zim counterattacked. Angel, Daniel, Spooky, Chopsuey, Sparky, and Clyde helped him surround the Irken.
Bonnie seemed to be enjoying herself. Stitch didn't like to see her smiling at a battle; he felt like she was faking it, or at least he hoped that she was.
Looking at Felix was worse; with each blow dealt, another tear escaped his black eyes. With each tear, his punches became harder, and Zim screamed louder.
Elastico flipped over Zim, ensnaring his neck in an elongated arm, and then running as fast and as far as he could.
When his arm had stretched a good twenty feet between him and Zim, Felix and Bonnie abandoned their assault, and Elastico jumped. He soared over the sand, and when he was closing in on Zim, he brought his feet up.
The Irken was flying for a moment on Elastico's feet. He landed with his stomach on Clyde's metal fist, and was greeted with a headbutt.
"ENOUGH!" Zim hurt everyone's ears as he clutched Clyde's cheeks in a blue-furred hand.
"I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED! NOT THIS TIME! NOT EVER AGAIN!"
He brought his red fist back. It burst into green flame, and dove for Clyde's exposed neck.
"Some say the world will end in fire…"
Daniel stepped between them, and caught Zim's fist in his own burning hand.
"Some say in ice…" He muttered as he brought his foot down on Zim's calf.
He screamed again.
"Youga scream too much," Clyde said, rubbing his freed jaw with his flesh hand.
"From what I've tasted of desire…" Daniel grabbed Zim at the throat and the stomach, lifting him over his head like a bench press.
He nodded at Chopsuey, who nodded back and held out an arrow.
"I hold with those who favor fire…" Daniel brought a spare arm out, tossing a ball of plasma out to light Chopsuey's arrow.
"But if I had to perish twice…"
They each launched their projectiles.
"I think I know enough of hate…"
The arrow met Zim's thigh in the air.
"To say that for destruction ice…"
The Irken hit the sand face-first and skidded towards Stitch and Angel's feet.
"Is also great and would suffice…"
Stitch looked down at Zim as he and Angel each raised a fist. His multicolored eyes were flooding.
For a moment, he was transported back into space. He was 626 again, looking down upon a Federation soldier fresh out of the training camps, and pleading with his eyes to let him see tomorrow.
He hadn't listened to him then. Perhaps he would listen now.
Then he remembered what Dib had told him about the stolen organs.
He was not 626.
And Zim was no soldier.
He looked at Angel, and she nodded.
They knew they were not monsters.
"NO!"
Zim grabbed them both by an ankle.
"I TOLD YOU! NEVER AGAIN!"
Stitch was suddenly upside-down, looking at his cousins lined up on the sand, and feeling the most crushing pain possess his right leg.
Angel's antennae snaked towards Zim's legs, but they were caught in one of his lower fists.
"Now, if I see any of you disgusting animals make even the faintest disgusting twitch of your disgusting noses, I will rip your disgusting friends limb from disgusting limb!"
The others were frozen; all ready to attack, but none of them even blinking.
Zim snickered. Stitch could feel his murky breath blowing from his trunk and onto his back.
"That's better...You know, I think I'll do it anyw-AH!"
There was a loud and painful clang.
Zim swiveled around, allowing Stitch and Angel to find two frying pans on the sand below their heads.
They looked up and found Nani and David. Lilo and Dib stood between them, armed with a hose trailing from the porch above them.
They glared as if ready to fire a gun.
Stitch was particularly impressed by Dib; behind his glasses, his eyes were even more condemning than Gantu's.
The pleasant surprise was short-lived for Stitch; Zim grabbed his ears, and clenched harder on his ankle.
"That's it!" The Irken shouted, turning back to his alien opponents.
"I'm ripping these two up, and sending their hides to be used as rugs for My Tallest!"
Stitch met Daniel's eyes, and an idea struck him. He wiggled his fingers, and Daniel nodded.
He saw Angel and Chopsuey nodding as well.
Perfect.
"The rest of you are welcome to run! The chase will be most sporting!"
Stitch felt Zim's breath in his ear. He felt another clench, and then he couldn't feel his ears or his leg.
"Let's see how you like it, you dookie," The Irken whispered.
"Maybe next time, stupidhead,"
Stitch and Angel reached out. He received a ball of plasma from Daniel and she received an arrow from Chopsuey.
Both gifts went into Zim's mismatched eyes.
Zim released them, clutching his eyes as he let out his most ear-splitting scream yet.
"NO! GET BACK HERE!" He lashed out blindly for Stitch and Angel, but even with a numb ankle each, they were too quick for him.
"Now, Lilo!" Sparky called, taking to the skies and unleashing a torrent of lightning down at Zim.
Lilo and Dib twisted the hose's nozzle.
Zim's screams drowned out the agonized buzzing of the soaked electricity. The Irken was a silhouette in a smoking cloud as Dib and the Pelekais watched on.
Finally, the water and the lightning stopped. The smoke lifted to reveal a much darker Zim than before.
His colorful eyes were up at the perfectly blue sky, as if reaching for His Tallest to come and save him.
"Dib…" He whispered, and then fell on his back.
Sparky landed beside him and put his ear to his chest.
"Not dead," he said. "Just asleep,"
"Good, long sleep," Chopsuey growled.
"Where's his ship?" Daniel asked. "We'd better contact the Federation,"
"You guys alright?" Lilo ran alongside Dib to Stitch and Angel.
"Yeah, all good," Stitch said.
"You sure? Your feet…"
Stitch and Angel looked down, only then realizing that they were each standing on one foot.
"Will be okay. Look worse than feel,"
"Youga great, Dib." Angel hopped to Dib and threw an arm over his shoulder.
"Oh...Thanks…" He looked over his shoulder at Zim, who was surrounded by Nani, David, Sparky, Bonnie, Clyde, and Spooky.
"So...That's it for Zim? We're gonna hand him over to the Federation and he's all done?"
"Right," Angel replied. "Thanks for telling us about Zim,"
"...Even though he ended up copying your powers and becoming a hodgepodge monster?" His head was down. His eyes had forgotten the condemning look they had given Zim, and were reduced to those of a guilty child.
"Not your fault," Stitch said. "Youga friend. Help us, not Zim,"
Dib looked up, seeming surprised at his words.
Stitch wondered why he was surprised at his words.
He thought about asking, but didn't.
"You're our friend, Dib," Lilo added. "We'd always help you, even against hodgepodge monsters,"
"...Thanks, you guys," Dib whispered. He smiled at them, and then threw his arms around all three of them.
"Thanks so much…"
His arms were tight, just as Stitch thought a hug should be. This one was especially tight; the level of tightness he had known from his saddest friends. From Lilo at her parents' grave, from Chopsuey after they had rescued him from Hamsterviel, from Daniel the day he came to stay with them.
Though the hug was sad, it made Stitch happy. He never felt happier than when he was gifted with this kind of hug. The kind that meant he made someone sad happy.
He felt a presence behind him; Dan, Chop, Ellie, and Felix come to join in, of course.
"Such a charming display,"
VII
Zim darted awake.
He couldn't see, but the scorching pain ripping through him was vanishing by the second.
He could still hear. Better in his new left ear than his right, but he could hear.
He mainly heard crying. He'd know the Dib-stink's cries anywhere, and the rest were clearly his repulsive new human friends. Dib-stink's crying was different; Zim had mainly known cries of terror or pain from him. These cries were softer. Defeated. Sad.
Pathetic.
He listened closer, and heard the filthy 'experiment' things breathing. Zim knew these breaths as those of someone on the verge of a slow and painful death, otherwise known as music. But these breaths went on for a while. Pain, then.
It was still music.
Zim's excitement grew. His pulse increased as he listened for the voices of the incredible warriors who had vanquished his enemies for him.
He found them, and though he felt nobody beside him, the voices were in his ears.
"Such pitiful, unambitious creatures," the voice of a young man. His soft, scornful words harmonized with a sliding metal sound, like a sword returning to a sheath.
"They would have all the cosmos at their feet, but they squander their power performing tricks for mere mortals...Perhaps with your magic, mistress, they shall regain their lost sense of conquest,"
"It's because they were scared," this one was rough, and muffled by some kind of cloth.
"They came to fear the extent of their own power. How fascinating; that things so invulnerable can still feel fear...This one, for instance...He might crush me with only two fingers...But he cries as his heart is taken from him…"
"I'm only curious about the bow and arrow," this voice was slimiest of all, and echoed as if from within a helmet.
"Relax, friend, you won't be needing it any longer...You think he has it 'cause he's the runt? No, can't be; lookit the girl one there, only two-thirds his height...No, I bet he likes his kills messy. Ain't nothin' better than watchin' your enemies writhe around as they die…"
Zim's vision gradually returned; he could now make out the black outlines of what was in front of him.
A cloaked figure faced him.
"You're awake," she said, her voice also within his ears.
"Y-Yes...Uh...Just preserving my energies before I decimate the filthy creatures,"
"Oh, I should hope not," the figure responded with a soft, malevolent chuckle.
"My cohorts and I have just repurposed them for our cause. I would hate to lose such valuable new assets. But if decimation is what peaks your interests, then I have an offer that may interest you,"
"You mean...You would repurpose me?!"
"Oh, no, not you, my dear. What I have done to your enemies, and the enemies of my friends here, has made them into the foot soldiers for my own conquest. But you are no mere soldier, are you, Zim? You are a leader. A conqueror,"
"Yes, a conqueror! A destroyer! An emperor!"
"And there would be plenty of it all for you alongside my friends and I. You would get the vengeance and the domination you seek. If you accept, of course,"
"Yes! Yes! A thousand, million, gabazillion times, I accept!"
The figure chuckled again.
"That's exactly what I wanted to hear...Hold still, now…"
Zim's vision improved. Behind the figure, he saw the filthy creatures lines up like a company of Irken Invaders. Their black eyes had turned yellow. He could see some color; the yellow of the sand, the blue of the sky, but the creatures were still black, as was the figure it front of him.
Black like shadows.
The figure knelt down it front of Zim, and he saw her hood. Two horns curled out of it.
Zim's limited vision was flooded with a scarlet light as he felt something enter his chest.
Whatever was inside him pulled, draining him, but he didn't know of what. Whatever it was, he felt refreshed, like whatever he was losing had been dragging him down all this time, and he was left only with what would enhance him.
But it hurt.
It hurt so much.
He remembered when he had been in the gene splicer, and thinking that it had been the most wonderful thing he had ever felt.
He changed his mind.
This was it.
DOOM, or Invader Zim x Lilo & Stitch
Season 1, Episode 4
NEXT TIME ON JUSTICE LEAGUE INFINITE!
Three archeologists find themselves raiding the same tomb.
What begins as their regular mystery soon becomes a battle to survive the monsters lurking within.
But these monsters are far from anything they have fought before.
Should they fail, they will find themselves becoming the very thing they are facing.
Coming soon!