Chapter 9

Sans stepped through the door to Grillby's and started to head towards his usual table. He took a quick glance around the place as he did. It was pretty late in the day, and there wasn't much of a crowd. Still, the few conversations that were going on went silent as he walked by. He really shouldn't be surprised by that. It didn't matter if it was the mortal realm or the god's realm, he always killed the mood when he walked into a room. He sat down at his table, the one in the corner furthest from the door. Grillby walked over to him as he sat and gave him a look.

"I'll have a burger and fries, Grillby. With extra ketchup," he said.

Grillby nodded and headed back towards the bar to start preparing his meal. The God of the Hearth seldom talked to anyone, usually communicating with grunts and nods. Sans found it refreshing, since he knew that when Grillby didn't talk to him, it wasn't because he was scared. He didn't know why most of the lesser gods harbored an uneasy fear of him, but he hadn't made much of an effort to find out. He didn't want anyone else bugging him about his job, so if the fear kept them from bothering him, he was content to leave things that way.

After a few minutes, Grillby returned with his food. He thanked him and picked up the burger. Grilllby's food was the only stuff he was capable of eating, anything from the mortal realm simply decomposed on contact. Of course, gods didn't really need to eat, but it was an important routine for Sans. Eating let him take his mind off of his circumstances. For a few moments, he could forget about reaping souls and tracking down Chara. To him, a meal was a precious break from the concerns of his world.

He was only a few bites in when he realized someone was standing next to his table. He looked up, saw that it was Undyne, and just stared while he chewed. After a few moments of awkward silence, he just shrugged and returned to his burger.

"Hey!" she said, annoyed. "Rude, much?"

Sans swallowed and said, "Sorry, but I'm not usually polite to people that threaten me. What do you want?"

"Look, I'm here to apologize. Can I sit?" she asked.

Sans looked up in surprise. Undyne was apologizing for something? This was so unheard of that he almost laughed in her face. Then he saw the look in her eyes. No, she was serious.

"Alright," he said. "Go ahead."
Undyne sat down and took a moment to gather her thoughts. Then she said, "Ok, I know we both don't like each other that much, but what I did earlier was uncalled for. So, I'm sorry. And I was kinda hoping we could talk about it."
Sans shoved the remainder of his burger into his mouth. After putting it down, he said, "Well, I guess I accept your apology. I'm not sure that there's anything else to talk about though."

"I want to talk about your job. I didn't really say it the right way earlier, but there's a reason I'm always pressuring you about it."

Sans sighed. He was hoping that it would be something different this time, but no. He was going to get the same lecture again.

"I already know where you're going with this," he told her. "You're going to tell me that you're worried if I don't do my job properly, its going to create an big imbalance." He paused for a second, taking note of his surroundings. The gods left in the pub were trying, not very successfully, to pretend that they weren't attempting to eavesdrop on their conversation. He had to be careful here, only the council knew that Chaos still existed. If he revealed that fact here, it could cause a panic. "Then, you-know-who is going to come crashing back into this world and make a big mess of things."

Undyne nodded. "That's exactly what I'm worried about."

"I understand your concerns, but honestly, you just need to let me do things my way. I know how important my job is, and I know what's at stake if I fail. Trust me, I get it."

"Do you though?" she asked.

Sans sat back, cocking an eye-socket. "Excuse me?"

Undyne looked him in the eye, and her tone was deadly serious when she spoke. "Sans, you weren't around when that monster first attacked our world. You didn't have fight against him like we did. We may have won in the end, but it wasn't without cost. You realize he has the power to destroy us right? Gods that should be immortal, that should exist forever were erased from existence right before our eyes. Some of them were my friends." She lowered her voice so the others couldn't hear her. "Chaos is a being that leaves nothing but destruction and agony in his wake. He enjoyed every second of the pain he inflicted upon us. How can you possibly understand what it's like to face something like that? You've never had to experience a war like the rest of us have."

"I've never had to experience war, huh? You sure about that?" he replied.

Undyne looked confused. "What are you takling about?" she asked.

"Well, for your information, I happen to have extensive experience with war. Did you forget who I am, Undyne? I'm the God of Death. I show up every time a human dies. And do you want to know what I spend my busiest days dealing with? War. The humans march to war all the time, you should know that since you have a hand in most of them anyway. And get this, when they go to war, they kill each other! And I have to sit there and watch them do it. The humans don't know that they have another existence after death, so for them war is just as serious and permanent as the one you fought. They lose family and friends too. When I judge the souls of the dead, I have to immerse myself in their memories. I experience their pain and loss as if it were my own. So yeah, I know exactly what war is like. And that's why I've never liked you Undyne. You know how terrible war can be, and yet you keep inspiring the humans to wage more of it, which means more work for me."

He finished, staring her down until she broke eye contact. In a small voice, she said, "I didn't know it was like that for you. But you should know that I never start a war without a good reason. When I inspire humans to go to war, its always for justice, to right a wrong."

"It doesn't matter why you start them," Sans said. "Even the humans with the best of intentions are capable of committing atrocities in the name of whatever they're fighting for. War is hell, no matter how just the cause is. If you don't understand that, then you have no business starting them."

Silence returned. A few minutes passed by before Undyne spoke again. "You have a point. I'd always focused on doing my duty without thinking about the larger picture. I'll keep your words in mind the next time I start a human war."

"Fine," Sans said. "I guess that's about as much as I can ask for."

"Thanks," she replied. Then, she said, "You know, I used to consult with the Queen whenever I was dealing out justice to humans. She helped guide my conscience back before she left."

Sans's eye twitched. "Oh?" he said.

"Yeah," she replied. "She's the kindest goddess I know. She was our light, our beacon. If a god ever felt lost or confused, she would help them find their way again." She paused, and turned to look at him. "You've never met her right? She's—"

"Selfish," Sans interjected.

Undyne sat back in surprise, her eyes wide. "What?" she asked.

"You heard me," Sans retorted. "She's selfish and immature. In fact, off the top of my head, I can't think of a single god who's more selfish than she is."

Undyne leaned forward, and this time her eyes were narrowed and focused. "You better be careful before you start throwing insults at her. She's our Queen."

"She was our Queen. You're right, I've never met her, because she left and went into hiding before I was even born. And why did she do that? Because she couldn't handle the truth about her precious creations. She couldn't accept that I was necessary to keep balance."

Undyne was starting to get mad again. Her hands were tightening, and the table began to creak in protest. Sans continued, and anger crept into his voice for the first time.

"She filled the mortal realm to the bursting point, never thinking about the consequences of her actions. And when she had face those consequences, she ran. She abandoned the rest of us. And she continues to create life from whatever hole she's hiding in. Humans die all the time, but for every one that dies, two more take their place. And for what? She knows that I exist, that the life she creates will ultimately end and yet she keeps doing it. She keeps giving life to new humans knowing that she's just setting them up to get a visit from me. She's the reason I have go out and reap. She's the reason I'm stuck with this repulsive job. She's the bane of my existence!"

Undyne felt the anger boiling off him. Her own anger had faded and now she just stared at him with an expression of bewilderment. She would never have believed that any god could harbor this much hatred towards another of their kind.

Sans saw her expression and his tone softened. "You can't understand how this feels," he said. "To be an agent of death, to bring nothing but pain and sadness wherever I go. You are revered and worshipped by humans, I am only feared. I can't enjoy the mortal realm like the rest of you, everything I touch dies. Even here, the only gods that bother to talk to me are you and the rest of the council. Everyone else is just as afraid of me as the humans are. And when you do talk to me, all you can ever talk about is my job. Every time you hound me about it, you remind me of what I am. You remind me of the death I bring, of all the souls I've had to judge. And do you know the best part of all this? No matter how well I do my job, no matter how many souls I reap, it will never end. I will never get a break, and there will always be new souls to harvest. All thanks to that precious Queen you and everyone else love so much."

Undyne tried to say something, but one look at San's face told her that was a bad idea. She just sat there, watching him with a sad, thoughtful expression. Sans returned her gaze, and after a few minutes had passed he glanced around the room again. The pub had emptied completely, leaving Undyne, Grillby, and himself behind. He stood and turned towards the bar. "Thanks for the meal, Grillby," he said in a much lighter voice. "Sorry I scared all your customers away."

Grillby nodded his head and gave a grunt of acknowledgement. Sans nodded back and gave Undyne one last look. Then, he vanished without another word. Undyne sighed and walked up to the bar. "I'll have my usual order to go," she said.

A few hours later, she walked back into the council chamber where Asgore and Gaster sat waiting for her. She plopped down in her chair and said, "You were right. He hates your wife with a passion."

Asgore nodded. "I suspected as much," he replied. "The burden I have placed upon Sans is a heavy one, and it is only natural he would resent it. I just wish he would direct his anger towards me instead."

"You cannot take all the blame, Your Majesty," Gaster said. "I am the one who brought him into this world after all. More importantly, it needed to be done to preserve the balance. You know this."

"I do," Asgore said. "However, knowing that doesn't make me feel any better about it." He paused for a second then said, "You know, Sans hates what he is and what he has to do, and I hate the fact that I had to place that burden on him. It makes me wonder, whose job is worse? His, or mine?"

He cocked an eyebrow at Gaster, who simply sat there in silence. "Ah, well," he said. "There will be time enough to answer that question later. I will see you tomorrow, my friends."