Chapter 17

"Why do you do what you do?"

The sudden question took Sans by surprise. He glanced down from his favorite spot in the top of the tree and found Toriel standing there. He'd been coming to the Sanctuary almost everyday now, trying to get more info out of her, and she had stopped objecting to his presence weeks ago. They hadn't talked much, but Sans had sensed some kind of awkwardness between them, as if she was immensely curious about something, but was working up the courage to ask. Well, now he knew.

"You mean why do I reap souls?" he asked, and she nodded. He shrugged and said, "Someone has to. The Balance wouldn't survive if I didn't."

"I realize that," she said. Sans was surprised how calm she sounded. "But is that the only reason? Do you take any pleasure in your work?"

Sans considered lying, but she'd already worked out that he didn't care for his job. "Nope. There's nothing really personal in what I do. Humans are meant to die. When their time comes, I show up and reap them. End of story."

"What happens to their soul?" she asked.

Sans frowned for a moment. She was awfully nosy all of a sudden. He didn't see any harm in telling her though.

"When a soul is reaped, its taken to the Underworld where I judge it. Based on the life the human lived, they are either granted a eternity of peace, or one of punishment."

A grimace flickered across Toriel's face. Sans saw it and snorted to himself. He had a feeling she wasn't going to like the whole judgment thing. Well, that's how it worked, whether she liked it or not.

"I see," she said after a few moments.

"So what's with all the questions?" Sans asked.

Toriel glanced at him and said, "I am simply trying to understand you better."

His eye-sockets rose at her response. Seeing his reaction, Toriel smiled and said, "Does this surprise you?"
"A little," he acknowledged. "I seem to recall you saying that there could never be any true peace between us. This gesture of goodwill seems a little fishy to me."

Toriel's smile faded a bit. "Ah," she said. "I suppose it would seem that way to you."

Now it was Sans turn to frown. "What do you mean?" he asked.

She looked him in the eye and abruptly said, "You're name is Sans, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Come with me and I will explain what I meant."

She turned and started walking to the center of her garden. Sans felt his hopes rise. She was actually acting civilized towards him. Maybe he could finally get somewhere now. He hopped out the tree and followed after her.

They reached the center, where the largest tree in the garden was situated. Toriel sat down, resting in the shade, and Sans followed suit. He realized she was looking past him, and he turned and saw the patches of dead grass where his footsteps had fallen.

"Sorry," he said, turning back to her.

She shook her head. "It is not your fault, it is simply your nature." She waved a hand and magic flowed out from her. The dead patches quickly vanished, replaced by vibrant new grass. She smiled briefly, and then her expression turned serious.

"Sans, what do you think it means to be a god?" she asked.

The question caught him off guard. Now that he considered it though, he realized it was a question he really didn't have an answer to.

"I'm not really sure," he said slowly.

Toriel smiled. "It is a question that the gods have asked themselves since the dawn of creation. A complete answer continues to elude us, and it probably always will. However, we have learned much since we first came into being. Much about the world, and much about ourselves as well."

She paused, making sure he was still following her. He nodded and she continued, "You have been a god for quite some time now. Tell me, do you consider yourself free?"

"Free?" Sans asked.

"Yes, free. Free of purpose, free to do whatever it is you desire."

Sans responded almost instantly, "Of course not. I mean, I can do whatever I want on my time off, but I still have a job to do."
"Exactly," Toriel said. "Think about it. We are gods, and our kind are the lords of creation. We wove reality into existence, established order from nothingness, and brought reality under our domain. Compared to humans that live in the mortal realm, we must seem like beings that are above rules, above limits. And yet, each of us is bound by our duties. Most gods never realize it, but we all have our inescapable roles to play, our purpose that drives us to maintain the Balance."

Sans nodded. He understood what she was getting at. Take himself for example. He hated his job, but he did it anyway. If he didn't, the Balance would fall apart. However, despite how much he hated his work, he had never once considered trying to find a way out of it completely. Laze around? Yes. Do only the bare minimum? Yes. But give it up completely? The thought had never crossed his mind.

"Ok," he said aloud. "I get all that."

"Then you should be able to understand the conclusion that comes from that knowledge. Our purpose, our identity as gods not only defines the roles we play, but it defines who we are as people as well," she said.

Sans sat back, eye-sockets rising. "Uh, what?" he said.

Toriel giggled at his stupefied expression. "It is true. Our personalities are rooted in our purpose. Look at me. I am the Goddess of Life, and life tends to be messy. Life is also very irrational. It involves emotions, not just reason and logic. Humans often do things that don't make any logical sense, and yet many of them never even think about it. I am the same way. Though I am capable of thinking with logic and reason, I will always follow my heart before anything else. It is who I am, and I cannot change that, just like I cannot simply stop giving birth to new souls."

"You, on the other hand, are Death." Sans was staring at her intensely now. "Death is a very rational concept. You were brought into this world to bring balance to me. When you reap, you do so without prejudice or discrimination. It does not matter what kind of human they are: rich or poor, young or old, strong or weak. You come for them all, the only question is when. As such, you see the world primarily through the eyes of reason. You see what must be done in order to preserve the Balance, and you will do your duty without hesitation even if it earns you the fear and hatred of all those around you. Your personal feelings, as well as the feelings of others, never come before the practical demands of reality. That is why you were suspicious of my questions earlier. You knew that I harbored extreme hatred of you in the past, and your logic told you that I could not have possibly changed that position. After all, how could Life not hate Death? You exist to reap the lives I create, so it would be only logical for me to hate you. The idea that I would be willing to try to understand you in an effort to establish a better relationship defies that logic. I'm sure many of my other actions seemed quite incomprehensible to you at one point."

Sans was dumbfounded. She had it exactly right. He had always found her work fascinating, largely because he never understood any of the reasons behind it. Now he realized that there had never been a reason, not a rational one at least. She was Life, reason took second place to everything else. Come to think of it, that also explained her initial reaction to him. She hadn't cared about the fact that he was needed to keep the Balance. The only thing she had cared about was the fact that he was the one who was reaping her creations, and how could she not hate him for that?

"Guess that explains our first meeting," he said.

"Indeed," she said, her face solemn. "We are Life and Death, it was only natural that we would clash. Our instincts are too ingrained for anything else to have happened."

Sans nodded, then frowned. "So if our purpose is so important to who we are, how are we even having this conversation right now? You make it seem like we should be at each other's throats all the time."

"Yes, well…" Toriel began. She drew a breath, gathering her thoughts. "I may follow my heart, but another of Life's traits is the ability to accept that bad things happen. To know that though I might suffer, life will go on, and the world will keep on turning. I admit, I hated you, and wanted nothing to do with you even though my reason told me you were necessary. In time, however, I was able to accept that you were essential to our world. I began to realize that you did not reap the souls of my children because you were a monster of Darkness, but rather because you were a god who was simply doing his duty. I cannot blame you for that. Especially now that I know you don't particularly care for your job."

Sans felt his cheekbones heating up. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

Toriel smiled at him. "If there is anyone to blame, it would be Asgore. He is the one who decreed that Death be brought into this world. He is the one who saddled you with a burden you do not wish to bear. However, the deed is done, and we cannot reverse it. So I decided that the best thing to do is to continue forward without blaming you for circumstances which were outside your control."

Sans smiled. "So I guess this means there can be peace between us after all?" he asked.

Toriel nodded in acknowledgement. "Yes. And I would like to thank you for your patience while I came to my senses. Now, having said all that, I am very pleased to meet you Sans."

Sans stood and gave her a flashy bow. "Pleased to meet you as well, Your Majesty."

Toriel laughed. "Please, Sans. I gave up my position as Queen a long time ago. My name is Toriel."

"Well, Toriel," Sans replied, "I appreciate the history lesson. A lot of stuff seems a lot clearer now." He grinned sheepishly. "Now I know why my old man never gives me a straight answer."

"Yes, I'm afraid Gaster has always been like that," Toriel said. "It made council meetings quite interesting at times."

"No kidding," Sans said. In fact, based on what she had told him, Sans was willing to bet that Gaster would have to make a serious mental effort to not be mysterious. He shook his head. She probably didn't know it, but Toriel's information solved so many of his questions regarding his peers. Undyne's short temper made a lot more sense when you considered that she was the Goddess of War. Alphys's fascination with anything and everything would only be expected from a goddess tied to knowledge. How many other quirks had he failed to pick up on?

"Sans?"

He shook himself. "Sorry, didn't mean to leave you hanging."

Toriel gave him a brief smile, but then her expression became serious again. "Um," she said. "Now that we've decided to be at peace with one another, there's something I wanted to ask you about."
"Ask away," Sans replied, his own expression curious.

"I was wondering, am I correct in assuming that my daughter has passed on?" she asked.

"Daughter?" Sans asked in reply. "Uh, don't you consider all human women to be your daughters?"

"Oh, yes, I do," she said. "But in this case, I was referring to one of my original daughters. I don't know if anyone ever told you, but the first seven humans I created were special, I had created them to be the messengers of the gods. I love all of my children, but I have a special connection with those seven. Their souls stand out to me, like bright stars in the night sky. And, well…" she paused and took a deep breath. "Many years ago, shortly after I left the heavens, I felt my connection to one of them break. It was my eldest, Chara."

Sans devoted every ounce of his willpower to keeping a straight face. He had not expected to stray into this minefield right now. Toriel's voice had grown quieter as she spoke, now she looked at him with a look that was almost pleading.

"Please, Sans. I must know. Did she die? Has her soul passed on into the afterlife?"

Sans stared at her and once he was sure he had control over his voice he said, "Chara was the first human I ever reaped." Toriel stiffened, but he continued before she could say anything, "I didn't know who she was then, but Gaster filled me in afterwards. I'm not sure if this is what you want to know, but she fulfilled her mission as an acolyte. She never stopped ministering to the people, and she always held the gods in high regard. A soul like hers would never find punishment in the afterlife. She is at peace."

"I see," she said. The tension slowly flowed out of her body and she managed a small smile. "I see," she repeated. "Thank you for telling me."

Sans only nodded. He was still grappling with what he had just done. Somehow, he felt that lying to Toriel about Chara's fate was going to haunt him in the future. But what was he supposed to say? 'Sorry, I screwed up your daughter's reaping and now she's a corrupted agent of Chaos!' She would never speak to him again if told her the truth.

Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. Though it came out of nowhere, he'd finally gotten her to talk about Chara. He couldn't afford to blow this chance now.

"Actually," he began, "I've always been curious about her. When I first met her, I knew she was special, but I never got a chance to get to know her. And everyone apparently knew who she was. Think you can tell me about her? If it doesn't bother you, of course."

Toriel smiled again, this time with more warmth. "No, its okay. I would be happy to tell you about her. After all, you're probably the only god who doesn't know how much she meant to all of us. Please, sit, and I will tell you her story."

Sans nodded and sat back down. Finally, he was going to get what he had come for.

"Chara was the first human I created. She was always such a bright and cheerful child. She had her weaknesses, of course, mainly an intense obsession with chocolate, and…."

Sans sat quietly, listening attentively to Toriel's story. Try as he might, he couldn't shake the lingering feelings of sorrow and guilt from his mind. Toriel didn't know that he was going to use what she told him to hunt Chara down. And if he had his way, she never would either.

He'd caused her enough pain already. The least he could do was spare her the knowledge of what he had to do.