Chapter 8
The next morning began with a mist rolling off the water, giving the shoreline and the dock a rather eerie appearance, Scully thought as she followed the Captain to one of the sail boats. It was smaller vessel than the last time she had sailed with him, but was neat and trim, it looked quite capable of making a proper journey around the bay. A task that would take them only part of the morning.
Scully was rather grateful that the Captain asked her out for a sail, she wanted some time away from Mulder to think about things, how to tell him she was pregnant.
why am I so damn skittish about it?
Captain Gregg barked out an order as she deposited her backpack on the floor of the ship, and she scrambled to release the lines that kept them moored. With an expertise that Scully appreciated, having come from a navy family, the Captain got them underway and safely away from the dock.
Though not at all nervous, she stared out into the mist that seemed thicker on the water and wondered how the Captain was so certain of himself as he guided the sailboat out into the sea. They needed to be vigilant because of the weather conditions but slowly the sun was rising over the horizon and the mist was beginning to burn off.
She was surprised to note that he seemed a bit tense today. He'd been very polite on the short trek to the dock but had hardly uttered two words since then.
"Captain?"
He turned his head enough to glance at her. "Miss Scully? Err….Mrs. Mulder?" He shook his head and regarded her. "I'm used to you being Miss Scully. What shall I call you, my dear?"
"How about Dana? Can you get used to that?"
"I will try."
"And do you prefer that I call you, Captain? Or Daniel?" She paused. "I know the use of first names was a bit more personal back in your day."
"Yes, it was, wasn't it?" He shrugged. "As you will…Dana. As you are a dear friend I am content with either."
A short silence settled between them.
"You seem tense today," Scully said at last.
"Do I?" He rolled his shoulders and stretched quietly. "My apologies. I should be paying more attention to you as you are an invited guest on this short excursion."
"No, no. That's not what I meant at all." She offered him an apologetic smile. "I meant that I'm worried about you."
"Me? Why would you worry about me?" He seemed genuinely surprised by her concern.
"You're a friend, Daniel. I get to worry about my friends."
"Thank you, but there is no need for concern."
"I think there might be."
"What are you getting at?" He drew his brows together in irritation, but she it.
"Are you okay?"
The Captain regarded her with a sharp gaze from his cool blue eyes. "How much has Fox told you?"
"Not a much as you think. I'm quite intelligent, you know? I've put a lot of the pieces together on my own."
"Tell me what you think you know." His voice was quiet but underlined with steel.
"Fine, I'll be blunt. You have been a viable spirit for so long that you are having trouble transitioning to a living, breathing man."
He said nothing but there was blue fire in his eyes as he regarded her. "Psychology, Dana? I thought that was Fox's department?"
Scully laughed. "It is. I just use compassion and common sense, and I can tell that you're hurting."
Daniel nodded in a brief acknowledgement of understanding. "It is…difficult," he murmured. He shifted and looked away from her at the sea. "I thought perhaps being out here would help me to think."
"It probably will, there's nothing quite like a glorious day on the sea." She closed her eyes as the breeze blew through her hair.
"Agreed." He watched her, noting her happiness at being at sea, and internally acknowledged a kindred spirit.
"What can you do about it?" She turned her ice blue eyes on him and he saw the challenge in them.
"I beg your pardon?" He was briefly confused.
"What can you do about the issues your having? How can you fix them?"
"I don't completely know. Fox has a theory that I must learn to be a man again! Good God! Can you imagine anyone less manly than me?" He stood up and gestured to himself, preening for Scully.
She laughed. "Well that seems in character. Apparently, your transition hasn't changed that."
"Changed what?"
"Your masculine ego."
He stroked his beard and raising an eyebrow offered her a charming smile. "Surely you don't consider that one of my issues."
"No, for you it's just a character trait," she said cheerfully.
He gave her a curious look but not sure how to take that comment, remained quiet.
"Don't sidestep this." She crossed her arms in front of her.
"A man should not discuss his feelings. He should work them out on his own and not trouble the women in his life."
"Bullshit."
"Miss Scully! That is hardly appropriate language for a woman of your caliber."
"That may be, but you're stalling. And not to be rude, but Daniel," she stepped over to him and placed her hand on his arm, "we're not in your day and haven't been for a very long time. You have to live in the present if you want to go on. You have to completely assimilate into a world that, as a human, you don't understand."
"Yes, it is true." He expelled a long breath and looked at the horizon again. He offered Scully a small smile. "I don't remember all that it means to be a man, a human male. And considering the fine specimen of a man that I used to be, I find that…incomprehensible."
His voice was filled with doubt and he refused to look at her.
"I need to be strong, confident! And I find that I am all manner of weak. How can I protect and take care of Carolyn if I no longer know who I am?"
They were silent for a time.
"Let her know that you love her. She loves you, Daniel. The rest will fall into place. You may find that because you are human, and have weaknesses, that she loves you even more."
"I don't understand," he said turning to face Scully.
"You need to remember that as humans we make mistakes, we sometimes fail, and we most certainly are not good at everything. But that's okay."
Daniel frowned.
"You want some advice for a trusted friend, one who is a modern woman?"
"Of course, I would be honored to receive such."
"Take it easy on yourself. Go as fast or as slow as you need to. Take Carolyn away somewhere where it is just the two of you and take the time to reconnect. I don't know, maybe a cruise? And island escape? I'd even help you plan a trip if you want."
"A trip? Away from Gull Cottage?" He sounded indignant. "Why would I do that?"
"Because you can. You are no longer bound here, and I think you forget that. You used to explore the world. Do it again, but with Carolyn. I promise that you'll both be better for it."
The Captain regarded her with a thoughtful expression and she could see that she had given him some new ideas to consider. "I will think on it. Thank you."
"My pleasure." She stepped away from him and sat down, turning her gaze to the sea.
Suddenly they hit a patch of rough water and she felt her stomach begin to roll and roil.
"Oh no," she gasped and hanging onto the side of the small vessel, heaved her small breakfast into the water. After a few moments her head almost stopped spinning, and she settled on the deck with a decided thud. She looked up into the Captain's concerned face and realized with only a small sense of surprise that he was holding her shoulders and gently wiping her mouth.
"Thanks," Scully mumbled, mortified by her actions.
"Are you all right?"
"I think so, but I don't know."
"Do you need to see a doctor? We can turn back immediately."
"No," she waved him off. "Just give me a minute."
He gave her a skeptical look.
"Really. I know what's wrong."
"And what precisely might that be?"
"I'm pregnant," Scully blurted out.
"You're?" His eyebrow almost crawled into his hair. "So Sucellos was correct?"
"Yes. Though I'm not sure how he knew after only a few hours."
"They are referred to as 'the powers that be' for a reason." The Captain said with an air of resignation. "How excited is Fox?" Daniel smiled, he knew how eager his friend was to have this confirmed.
"I haven't verified it for him yet."
"Why on earth not?"
Scully was assisted to a less awkward position as her stomach had finally settled and she looked up at the Captain. "I don't know. I think I'm trying to get a handle on it."
"Forgive me, but I am a bit confused. I thought this was something that you wanted?"
"I do, I did, I mean, yes?" She shook her head.
"Miss Scully, Dana?" She looked up at him. "I, under some protest, shared my problems with you. I think you should return the favor."
"Okay, fine. I do want the baby, really I do, but I'm worried." She bit her lip.
"About what, pray tell?"
"Mulder. He says he'll be here, but he has trouble staying grounded. He's always running off to explore some new phenomenon, some new paranormal mystery. And now he's going to stop? I don't know how he can when it's so much a part of him, and I don't know if it's fair for me to ask him to do it. All of which would leave me alone…again to raise another child." When she looked at him again there were tears in her eyes. "I don't think I can do it."
"Why on earth do you think you'll have to? Your husband is in love with you, one would have to be blind not to see that, and he's promised to stay with you. That is not something a man does lightly."
"He's not like you…"
"My dear, Dana, no one is like me." Daniel said with a smug expression. "Be that as it may, I believe Fox is a good man and if he has said he will be here for you, he will be. Do you really doubt him?"
"I don't want to hold him back. I don't want him to resent me."
"Resent you? You are giving him the most precious gift that a woman can give a man."
Dana nodded, trying not to cry.
"And if he doesn't do the right thing I will kick him to hell and back!"
Scully laughed outright and wiped away a stray tear. "You would, wouldn't you?"
"Of course, I would. You are an exceptional woman and deserve only the best, but for whatever reasons you have, you settled for Fox."
She laughed harder and then smiled up at the Captain.
"That's better." He paused and gave her a few moments to compose herself. "All right now?"
"Yes."
"Good."
They settled into silence again as the ship nicely cut its path into the waves, the day now bright and beginning to warm up.
"What are you going to do, Dana? What occupation have you decided on?"
"That's easy. I'm going to be a doctor."
"You sound like Carolyn. She has no desire to change her occupation either. She says writing is in her very soul."
"I understand that. I still want to be a doctor but I'm going to change the type of doctor I am."
"Oh, what field will you specialize in?"
"Pediatrics. I want to care for children."
Daniel offered her a warm smile. "You will be wonderful at that. It suits you."
"Thanks." She gave him a long look. "And what will you do?" She gave him a guarded look. "Are you returning to the sea?"
"I don't know." He sighed. "Those are words I never thought That I would utter." He paused and made some adjustment to their course and then turned back to Scully. "I love the sea. I did back in my day, and I still do. I never thought I would consider being away from her, but that was before I met Carolyn."
"Being in love changes a few things, doesn't it?"
"It does indeed." He sighed. "There is still a part of me that longs for this, to be out on the sea, to walk the decks of my ship, to be in command of my vessel, to sail the world again. But, how could I leave Carolyn behind for the extended lengths of time that I would be gone? And would I even want to be part of the new navy? Or a new freighter ship? And what precisely would I be Captain of?" He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. "I don't know the answers to any of these questions."
"Is there anything else you might consider? Anything else that interests you? Even a little?"
Daniel gave a self-deprecating chuckle and grimaced a bit.
"What is that face for?" Scully asked.
"No, it is not worth my consideration."
"What? Tell me."
"You will think it silly. A man of my nature should not consider such a thing."
"Daniel? Please tell me. I promise not to laugh."
He seemed unconvinced.
"Please," she gave him her best pleading eyes.
"Confound it all! All of you women know how to use your feminine wiles on men, even in the most innocent of ways."
"I would never do that," she said, but gave him her best pleading gaze.
"Very well. But you promise that you won't laugh?"
"Cross my heart." Scully motioned over her heart.
The Captain cleared his throat. "I have, albeit very briefly, considered that I enjoy preparing meals, cooking as it were. It has occurred to me that I could perhaps be a chef. Carolyn has suggested opening my own restaurant." He finished, not meeting Scully's eyes.
"A chef? A restaurant?" she nodded. "It could work. I think you'd be good at it."
He frowned. "You are not just saying that to placate me?"
"No, I would never do that. Ask Mulder. I tend to say what I think."
"Fox wasn't able to join us today?" Daniel said in an all too innocent tone.
"No. You may have put him off sea vessels forever."
The both laughed in easy comradery.
"I think we'll head back," he said after a few minutes. "You are still looking pale despite your protests."
"I'm fine. Really." She paused. "I would like to ask a favor of you and Carolyn."
"Ask away."
"I still need to tell Mulder about the… baby. Could you watch William tonight so that I can tell him the news?"
"I will confer with Carolyn when we return, but we enjoy spending time with William. I believe we can agree to your request."
"Umm, okay. Call me after you talk to Carolyn."
The Captain nodded and inclined his head towards the back of the boat. "Time we head back. To work Ensign Scully."
Scully raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Ensign?"
"You have to earn a higher rank on a larger ship if you want a promotion."
"Aye, aye, sir." She gave him a mock solute and he laughed.
"Thank you for your insights, Miss Scully."
"Happy to help." She paused and looked queasy for just a moment. "I think home is a good idea."
"Then off we go," Daniel turned the vessel on the course that would take them home, and they both became lost in their own thoughts as they approached the familiar shoreline.