I had a bit of writers block for this chapter… it's been a hard week. I'm sorry if it sucks. Still love all of you guys though!
The song used in this chapter is Hurt Tonight – One Republic
I really recommend you all have a listen, it's a beautiful song.
Beca didn't know what time it was when she woke up. Hell, she didn't know where she was either. The last thing she remembered was yelling at Luke, pouring her emotions out in a moment of weakness. The burden of the words she had spoken weighed heavily on her mind, and as much as she wanted to keep pretending that she was okay, it was becoming almost impossible. She was weak, exhausted and succumbing faster and faster to the disease that was wreaking havoc in her body.
I have cancer. There's no way I'm going to get through this.
The admittance further dampened her mood. This was going to be a long couple of months.
"Hey." Beca's head snapped round to come face to face with Luke. He was sat on his desk chair, looking at her expectantly. It was then she realised she was still in the radio station, laying on the sofa. A small throw blanket had been draped over her, tucked under her body. She was still in the days clothes, the hood of Luke's hoodie pulled over her head. She smiled warily.
"Hi." Her voice was soft and hoarse, the remnants of raw emotion laced into her words.
"Did you sleep okay?" Luke walked over, kneeling down in front of her.
"Umm… yeah, I guess." Beca pushed up on her elbows, feeling all of her muscles complaining with the effort.
"How are you feeling?" There it was. The million dollar question. They were simple words; people asked it every day, to which any person would respond with a seconds thought. But right now they scared her. They gripped her heart like a vice, making it harder to breathe, as her thoughts ran ramped as more questions floated through her brain.
How am I feeling? How am I supposed to feel? Should I be scared? Should I-
"Beca." Luke's voice brought her out of her head. In many ways she was thankful.
"Yeah sorry. I'm fine." The brunette started to push herself to standing. Her leg had reduced to a dull throbbing, but the pain was still there, reminding her constantly that it was ravaging her knee. Almost as soon as she stood up she had to sit back down, nausea and dizziness forcing her to place her head in her hands.
"You know, it will make easier on all of us if you're honest." Beca lifted her head, the meaning behind it not going unnoticed. She decided to ignore it for now, focusing on her feelings right now.
"I don't know how to feel. I guess… I didn't really think it was true until yesterday. That I'd just wake up and…" Beca locked eyes with Luke, letting every vulnerability show. "am I going to die?" she quickly wiped the tears that were collecting in her eyes as Luke came up to sit next to her, wrapping a supportive arm around her shoulders.
"To answer your question honestly, I don't know." Beca recoiled slightly, preparing to argue but was cut off swiftly. "I can't predict what your future holds Becs. You could fight this thing in the next couple of weeks and go into remission and live the best life you could possibly live. Or the cancer could kick your ass and you lose. I can't tell you which one it's going to be, or if it's even any of those options. But this is the truth, and the sooner you accept that all these things are possible, the sooner you can decide how you feel." Luke pulled face from where she was staring at the floor. "But you have to fight. You can't give up. People need you Beca, people need you to fight and be okay and get through this with your head held high."
The younger girl wiped her tears hastily at the speech. No one had ever cared enough to stay with Beca, to put up with her refusal to talk and open up. But Luke had. Luke was the only one-
Oh… she thought. The penny had finally dropped. How could I have been so stupid?
Luke observed the brunettes face closely. She could see his words had made an impact – the furrowed brow and slight frown being an indication. But then everything changed. Her eyes widened, her lips parting as a gasp escaped her. Luke knew where this was going.
"Luke I- I've got to go." She jumped up quickly, throwing the blanket to the side. She ignored the pounding in her head and heart as she hobbled over to the bag they had taken to the hospital with them. Inside were her shoes, which she quickly put on. Beca could feel the blonde staring into the side of her head, watching her every move.
"Where are you going?" Beca looked at him and smirked, feeling more like herself then she had done in weeks.
"Who knows? I just know I've got some explaining to do." Luke smiled, remembering the text from Chloe earlier.
"Go get your girl I suppose." Beca just grinned and nodded. She was about to step out of the door when she realised she was still wearing Luke's hoodie. She began to pull it off when Luke's voice stopped her in her tracks.
"Keep it. It looks better on you." He winked and walked back to the chair, watching the small brunette walk towards the entrance to the radio station. His smile faltered slightly when he noticed she was limping heavily, but his smile returned quickly, knowing that she was pushing through the pain to sort everything out.
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Ricochet, you take your aim,
Fire away, fire away
Chloe was brought out of her sleep by the steady beats of David Guetta, Sia's voice pulling her eyes open.
You shoot me down, but I won't fall,
I am Titanium
Chloe blinked away the heavy sleep in her eyes, dazed slightly. She didn't know where the music was coming from, whether it was in her head or not. The redhead lifted her face out of the pillows to glance at the clock that glowed on her bedside table. 01:28am. The music was still floating through the room. There was no other way it could still be part of a dream-
Oh my god. Throwing her arm out of bed, Chloe started searching the floor for her phone, which she had put on charge the night before. When she found it, she fumbled with the charger trying to unplug it, hastily throwing it on the floor and swiping the green button. There was only one person who had that ringtone.
"Hello?" there was still sleep lacing her voice.
"Chloe?" the redhead sighed at the soft voice on the other end, feeling the calm that always followed it.
"Hey Becs."
"Were you asleep? Wait no, you were totally asleep. Stupid question. I'm so-"
"It's okay… I'm glad to hear from you. Are you okay?" the silence on the other end of the phone lasted for about a minute. Chloe even checked that they were still connected. She was about to ask again but Beca spoke up.
"Are you busy right now?"
"Umm…" Chloe looked around, thinking why she was hesitating. There was nothing else she could possibly be doing at one thirty in the morning
"No I'm not. Why?"
"I was hoping you'd say that. Come outside."
"Wait, Becs, what do you-"
"Just trust me." Before Chloe could argue anymore, she was met with beeping, indicating Beca had hung up. Chloe had no idea how this was going to go down. She hadn't seen the girl since she stayed the night. They hadn't spoken about the events that had taken place. Chloe never felt awkward, but maybe this time would be an exception.
Quickly throwing on some jeans and a hoodie, she made her way out of her and Aubrey's shared apartment. Closing the door quietly and sneaking out was nothing new to her. It only took her five minutes to exit the building.
There was no one in sight. The street was quiet and dark, lit sporadically by streetlights. Chloe looked left and right, looking out for a small brunette girl to step out of the shadows, but the spotlights remained unoccupied. Chloe was about to give up, when her phone pinged with a text. Pulling her phone out of her back pocket, she opened the text.
[01:40] Beca – look to your left.
Chloe followed the instruction, straining her eyes to see through the dark. There was still nothing noticeable. Another text chimed on her phone.
[1:41] Beca – behind the trees.
Chloe looked again, this time behind the trees that led to a little side road. It was then she seen the truck parked to the side, lights off. She walked slowly towards it, not trusting that it was truly Beca's truck. She was about 10 meters away when the lights turned on, bathing her in light. She threw her hands in front of her eyes as the engine roared to life. The truck pulled away and up towards Chloe, the passenger window winding down in the process. Chloe was still blinking the spots from her eyes.
"I figured I'd help you out considering you were taking your sweet time." The voice Chloe had come to love floated out the window. The redhead opened her eyes and looked inside seeing Beca, her hair pulled into a loose ponytail and face free of makeup. Chloe smiled, opening the door and seating herself inside.
"To what do I owe the pleasure Ms. Mitchell?" Chloe put on her best snob-accent. Beca just smirked.
"This is a need-to-know basis Beale. And at the minute, you don't." Beca proceeded to pull away, feeling the burning in her leg but ignoring it. Beca's IPhone was connected to the car, music drifting through the speakers. This playlist was reserved for long, sleepless nights, where she was able to lose herself in the music and sort through her emotions. It was quickly becoming a favourite.
"So you're not going to tell me anything? You do realise it makes you sound like a kidnapper?" Beca just smirked. Knowledge truly was power.
"You might want to catch some sleep. It's going to be a while." Chloe looked sceptical at first, but nodded eventually. Tucking herself into the chair, she quickly fell back to sleep.
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"Chloe wake up." Her shoulder was shaking lightly. Chloe opened her eyes, seeing Beca staring at her through the dark. When the brunette seen that Chloe was coming to, she smiled. The drive was quiet, not that Beca was complaining. She enjoyed the freedom she felt driving through the trees, not a single other person on the road. But with Chloe so close and yet so far away, deep in a dream Beca would never know about… now she knew how people felt with her.
"Welcome back." Before Chloe could respond, Beca was jumping out of the car, pulling a backpack with her that Chloe didn't realise she had. The redhead glanced around, not knowing what to do when her door was thrown open.
"What are you waiting for?" Beca presented her hand, encouraging Chloe to follow the younger girl. The redhead didn't know where this was headed, but there was only one way to find out. Taking her hand, Chloe jumped out the car.
They were at the same spot as before, right beside the Chattahoochee River. It was as if they had never left – the stars as bright as ever, reflected on the smooth river. It was still breath-taking. It was starting to become a place for them – an escape that only the two girls knew about. It was a safe space where they could talk, and that was exactly what Beca wanted to do.
"Come on." Beca tugged on their interlocked hands, leading them to the tailgate. If she was honest, the fresh air was making Beca feel more alive by the minute. It was still cold - her bones starting to seize up – but it was liberating to feel something after feeling nothing at all after this all started. Beca reached up and unlatched the tailgate, lowering it and climbing up. Once Beca got her balance, she pulled Chloe up by their joined hands. The pain in her leg was becoming harder to ignore.
"Becs, what is all of this?" she gestured to the pillows and blankets that had been strapped down with bungees, along with her guitar case.
"I figured we might be here for a while, so I wanted you to be comfortable." Beca shrugged, pulling the pillows out. She placed them against the side and sat down heavily against them, stretching her legs out in front of her. When Chloe didn't move, Beca spoke up.
"You can sit down, I won't bite." The senior just nodded lamely, not knowing where this was going to go. It was as if the last few weeks didn't happen, and they were the same people they had always been. Instead of sitting in the space next to Beca, she decided to sit opposite and observe the younger girl. It seemed every time Chloe came face to face with Beca, she was surprised.
Chloe's eyes trailed over her friends face. She didn't notice at the party what she was noticing now. The way her jawline and cheekbones were more prominent. The way her eyes seemed more sunken. The delicate way in which she carried herself. Chloe was losing her friend, and all she could do was watch as she retreated deep into her walls, her security.
"Okay I'm going to talk and you're not gonna interrupt okay? I don't want to lose my nerve" Chloe nodded, urging her to continue. Beca took a deep breath, running her trembling hands through her brown tresses before taking Chloe's hands
"I can't tell you the full story. The full story is cruel and it's something that shouldn't be shared until the right time. God Chloe I want to tell you everything so bad, and I know it's stupid. That secrets are never good. But this time I need to get through this myself." Beca watched the confusion on Chloe's face turn to worry. Before the redhead could speak, Beca quickly cut in. "I just need you to know that I'm okay. That I'm going to have bad days, but I'm okay. Do you trust me?" there it was. The question that decided where this night would lead. Beca waited for 2 agonising minutes before Chloe nodded.
"I trust you." Beca sighed, feeling tension release from her body.
"Thank you… that honestly means everything to Me." the redhead smiled slightly, revelling in the 'big-softie' Beca.
"Also I err… I have something to show you." Grabbing her guitar case and pulling her guitar out, Beca suddenly felt uncomfortable. She had never shared such an intimate part of her life. Her mother had taught her how to play the guitar, as well as various other instruments. Since she had passed, Beca rarely played. But tonight was an exception. Clearing her through and positioning her fingers, she began to strum softly whilst looking into Chloe's eyes.
When, when we came home
Worn to the bones
I told myself, "This could get rough"
And when, when I was off, which happened a lot
you came to me and said, "That's enough"
Beca watched as Chloe's eyes widened as she realised that this song was about everything they had done, every interaction, every moment. The lyrics screamed so fiercely into her heart she had trouble catching her breath.
Oh I know that this love is pain
But we can't cut it from out these veins, no
So I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors
we ain't leaving this room 'til we bust the mould
don't walk away, don't roll your eyes
They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight
The brunette's voice rang strong and clear, shocking the senior at how powerful it truly was. Chloe could feel tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes.
When, when you came home
Worn to the bones
I told myself, "this could be rough"
Oh, I know you're feeling insane
Tell me something that I can explain, oh
I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors
Tell me all of the things that you couldn't before
Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes
They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight
If this love is pain, well darling, let's hurt, oh tonight
So you hit the lights and I'll lock the doors
Let's say all of the things that we couldn't before
Won't walk away, won't roll my eyes
They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight
If this love is pain, then honey let's love tonight
Beca had barely finished the last lyric before Chloe crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss. It was intense and filled with every emotion possible – fear, love, happiness, and sadness, all woven together – and the only thing Beca could think of was a book quote that had stuck with her anytime she was here.
"When we consider things like the stars, our affairs hardly seem to matter."
Beca chuckled internally. Oh, she thought, the stars have nothing on this girl.
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A/N – love you all, awesome nerds.