After a bit, Cas heard a soft knock on his door.
Thinking it was Gabriel, he didn't answer.
A soft "Cas?" drifted through the wood, in that arousing gruff voice, and Cas could hear the worry tinting it. Damnit!
Cas' heart kicked into triple overtime and he sat up, rubbing his face furiously.
Now he had upset Dean. Great!
Another soft knock, this time followed by: "Cas, please. I'm worried about you. Talk to me, buddy."
Taking a deep breath and shoving all emotions down, Cas made his way to the door and opened it.

The green eyes that were haunting him daily, did a swift once-over and Cas wanted to grab Dean and burry himself in his arms.
Instead he deadpanned, and forced out a flat: "I will be ok, Dean."
Face speaking volumes, Dean placed a hand on the door. He didn't believe a word Cas said.
"Come on down, bud." Dean tried, but Cas couldn't. He would break down, or bodily attack his brother. He was not calmed down in the least.
Not wanting to waste words, or argue with Dean, who was an unwitting party in this whole mess, Cas snapped out a harsh: "No." and turned back towards his bed, expecting Dean to leave.
Instead, Dean tried again, this time pleading.
Cas glared at him over his shoulder. Couldn't that guy take a hint?
"Dean! I said no!" he barked, instantly regretting it. He didn't want to hurt Dean, but maybe now, Dean would leave him be.

But no. Dean's face grew resolved and he determinedly walked over to Cas.
He squatted down next to him, taking Cas' hands between his own.
When those veridian eyes caught his, Cas could feel the cracks break in his mask.
This wasn't going to be that easy.
Dean's eyes were locked onto his, following them wherever he turned them.
"Talk to me."
It was short, sweet and simple.
Here was the cause of all his inner turmoil, and he was offering a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on.
Cas' mask crumbled and he dropped his gaze, Dean following, keeping contact.
"I didn't mean to... Dean, I'm sorry."
He could hardly hear his own pleading voice.

Dean could, apparently.
He softly squeezed Cas' hands and his eyes were shining with sincerity.
"For what, Cas? You didn't do anything wrong in my eyes. As I understood, Gabe and your grandma were bang out of order about something. I don't know or even care what. It hurt you enough to run up here and hide. So, talk to me."
There was so, so much to say, but first, Cas had to put something straight.
"I did not 'run'." he stated, fingers placing the quotes.
That got a careless shrug.
"Not all running is actually walking fast. You ran, by calmly ascending the stairs. Don't bullshit me, Cas. Talk."

But he couldn't. He couldn't just admit to Dean that he wanted him. That he spent hours every day imagining how soft his lips would be, how he would taste, how his hands would feel, carding through his hair... it physically hurt his stomach to think about saying any of those things to Dean.
Folding his arms around his aching stomach, Cas curled in on himself.
"Dean.. I can't..." he gasped out.
Suddenly, those strong arms were around him, that woodsy smell tickled his nostrils, and Dean hugged him.
Dean was hugging him!
All tension bled out of Cas' muscles.

"Ok. Allright. Don't worry, buddy. It's fine. I'm just concerned. You're hurting, and I can't help if you don't talk." that gruff voice softly told him, the vibrations of it calming Cas down further.
He let out a shuddering sigh and melted into the hug.
"This is actually helping already..." Cas admitted softly, closing his eyes.
He could feel the smile he heard in Dean's voice, against his neck.
"What? The hug, or the offer to help?" Dean asked, a little teasing tone in his voice, but his hug got tighter still.
Cas couldn't help but snuggle down into it, wishing the world would stop now, so he could have this forever. However he couldn't, and he explained to Dean.
"Both... and the compassion. The indisciminate acceptance, while you don't know what's going on."

Expecting a scoff, or Dean pulling back, or both, Cas was surprised to feel one hand slide up to his hair and hug him closer.
"I don't need to know, Cas. I just need you to be ok. Deal?" Dean rumbled low.
Throat too constricted to form words, Cas hummed, and finally allowed his arms to circle Dean in an answering hug.
It felt amazing.
Basking in the warmth and solace Dean was radiating, Cas bit his lip not to cry and sighed.
Dean started stroking his hair and mumbling soft words in his ear.
Since he had moved out, Cas hadn't been comforted like this, and he never wanted to leave that warm embrace.

After a while, Cas' need for solace drained away, and a less innocent need started waking up.
Would Dean notice if he was hugging, just to be close to him? Just to be able to inhale that scent, to feel that hand in his hair... he needed to stop this, before he would do anything inapropriate, like plant a kiss on that stretch of naked skin, next to his lips.
Arousal was slowly building and Cas knew he was starting to blush with it.
He fought it down, and began pulling free.
Once he had enough distance to look into that sweet face, Cas calmed down more.
"Thank you, Dean. I feel much better now." he said low.
Dean smiled that alluring, crooked smile and his eyes were soft.

"You're welcome. Wanna come down? I'm sure Sam has chewed Gabe out by now, for hurting you." he joked, but Cas just couldn't.
He was afraid Gabriel would say something more, and... no. He didn't want to risk it.
"Could you excuse me? I'm feeling rather tired and want to have an early night." Cas half lied.
He wasn't tired, but he did want to go to bed and forget this day...
Dean patted his knee and left after a soft: "Sure thing. You go to bed, rest up. We'll see you tomorrow."
When the door closed on Dean, Cas fell back on his bed, hands over his face.
'Oh my word... I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to drag him down here with me and make him a wanting, shivering mess. What is wrong with me?'

When he heard voices start up downstairs, he all but ran into his bathroom and turned on a cold, cold shower.
It didn't help.
The memory of those strong arms, the loving caress of that calloused hand on his head, it kept Cas' blood running hot.
Before long, Cas turned up the warm water and, leaning against the wall, he let the jets of water ease his muscles.

AN.

I had to edit this chapter a teeny bit, to comply with the FFN rules.

Unedited version of this story is available on AO3, same title, same username.

love!