So you guys are awesome. I tell you this a lot. But I honestly mean it. A couple of you kinda guessed the next instalment, but that's okay. I hope you enjoy! Again… don't hate me. Or Beca. Or Chloe. You know what? Just don't hate!
Beca peeled her eyes open slightly, feeling sleep gluing them together. It took more effort than it should have to move her hands to wipe away the gunk from the corners of her eyes. There was no way to describe the deep ache that had settled in her body. Her head throbbed with the familiar pain that follows crying yourself to sleep. Her leg was burning; fire spreading from her ankle to her hip. Despite the discomfort, she has come to find peace with it. It reminded her that she was alive, and that while the pain was there, she was still able to feel something.
"We have to stop meeting like this." Beca glanced up, seeing Luke perched on the end of his desk chair. The radio station had become a sort of second home to her, being the comfort she needed whenever things had become too much. Luke had docked out the couch with fluffy pillows and an oversized throw blanket for whenever Beca needed to sleep, and a constant supply of snacks because Luke knew she couldn't stomach full meals these days. He was still in the same clothes as the last time Beca had seen him, which gave her hope that perhaps she hadn't slept through the whole day and night. Sighing, she pulled herself up into a more upright position.
"What time is it?" the brunette decided to keep it simple, knowing the inevitable conversation was coming up any minute.
"It's a little after 7. You slept through takeout so eat this." He grabbed a caramel nutrition bar off his desk and handed it to Beca. She hesitated at first, but Luke was relentless when it came to her eating, so she opened it and took a bite. The gooey sweetness of the caramel mixed with the grain brought a sigh of satisfaction. She knew Luke's game – he only ever bought snacks that would boost her energy whilst being tasty – and she was deeply grateful for it.
Beca glanced up from her bar, seeing Luke staring at her with inquisitive eyes. She rolled her own and threw the wrapper at him.
"Stop looking at me like you're about to dissect me. If you've got questions, ask them." Beca levelled him with a look that said this is your one opportunity. They help eye contact for a good minute before Luke sighed and looked down.
"I guess I'll have to start with what happened after I left?" Beca got herself more comfortable, stretching her leg out on the couch.
"I told her." The way Luke's eyes widened could have been comical in any other situation, but in these circumstances it made her heart sink lower.
"I told her that I had cancer, and she ran. She didn't believe me. She said that I had been lying to her for so long that it either wasn't true or it was a 'joke'." Beca made quotation marks with her fingers. It all still felt like a dream.
"I don't think she meant that Beca, it is a lot to take in at first. And considering that you were both yelling at each other before hand probably didn't help." Beca mulled it over for a second. She understands that the information is a lot to take in, but she didn't expect to lose her best friend.
"She said… she said before I told her that she wanted no part in whatever this is." Beca cast her eyes to her hands, where she was picking at the quicks of her nails. It was a habit she had picked up when she was young, but had eased off going into college. Now the skin around her nails were raw.
"I don't know exactly what she's thinking, but I can imagine it's something along the lines of 'holy shit my best friend has cancer and she's been dealing with it more or less alone this whole time'. I'm sure that would make anyone frustrated. And maybe not just at you, but herself too." Luke looked pointedly at the brunette, trying to convey the message he wasn't saying out loud. Thankfully, Beca understood.
"I know I should have told her sooner, but it's just easier not to have people worrying about you all the time, you know? To not have people look at you like you're about to break." Beca's voice broke at the end, unwanted emotion creeping into her words. She looked up at Luke again.
"Do you have my headphones?" Luke knew this was the end of the conversation. He relented to the brunette, grabbing her backpack from the corner of the room and handing it to her. She dug out her phone and headphones, but before she could lose herself in the melodies, Luke spoke up again.
"You shut out everybody who could ever care about you… why is that?" Beca just stared at Luke, never being asked directly about her deflective personality.
"I shut everybody out, don't take it personally. It's just easier." Luke deflated at her words.
"It's also really lonely." Beca just shrugged and placed her headphones on. She called up the song she had been thinking about since her last chemo session. She had overheard it being played by one of the patients, and has been listening to it ever since. The soft voice of Stromae floated through her ears as she closed her eyes.
Mais oui on se connait bien
T'as même voulu te faire ma mère hein?
T'as commencé par ses seins
Et puis du poumon à mon père, tu t'en souviens?
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Qui est le prochain?
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Qui est le prochain?
Et tu aimes les petits enfants
Décidément rien ne t'arrête toi
Mais arrêtes de faire ton innocent
Sur les paquets de cigarettes
"Fumer tue", tu m'étonnes
Mais tu m'aides.
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Qui est le prochain?
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Oh cancer...
Quand c'est? Quand c'est?
Que tu cesses tes avances?
Quand c'est? Quand c'est?
Que tu pars en vacances? Quand c'est?
Quand c'est? Quand c'est?
Quand est-ce que tu y penses?
Quand c'est? Quand c'est?
Ça nous f'ra des vacances.
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Qui est le prochain?
Cancer, cancer
Dis-moi quand c'est
Cancer, cancer
Qui est le prochain?
Beca had researched the song as soon as she had heard it. The story that was being told had fit her life to a 'T'. Regardless of it being French, the emotion had stuck with her as well as the strong yet broken voice of Stromae. Everything about the song spoke in such volumes that she couldn't help but download it.
The phone on her stomach buzzed with an incoming message. Beca opened her eyes and glanced over at Luke. He had returned to his computer, cueing up songs and choosing music to play in the upcoming hours. Satisfied that he was preoccupied, she unlocked her phone and opened the message.
Bella's
[19:27] BlondeZilla – you all need to be at the bus at exactly 9am SHARP in your uniform. I expect you all to go to bed early so you are all prepared for tomorrow. No exceptions.
Beca huffed and threw her phone down next to her. Trust Aubrey to be insistent about the show tomorrow. Beca knew she needed to go to deflect suspicion, but the pain in her leg as relentless. She didn't know whether she would be able to do it.
The pain meds. Her eyes widened as she remembered the medication Dr. Carson had given her. Grabbing her backpack again, she started rooting through all the crap that had accumulated without her knowledge. Her hands closed around the box and she yanked it out, happy to see the pills she knew she would need. Putting them in the front pocket of her backpack, she closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for tomorrow night.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The footnotes were amazing. Beca was standing off to the side, staring at the boy who was leading the group. His voice and moves were unlike anything Beca had seen. She could hear Stacie in the background talking to Aubrey in an incredulous voice.
"Where did he come from?!" all Aubrey could do was shush her. That's when Fat Amy piped up.
"It's over, there's no way we can beat the footnotes and the trebles."
Beca didn't say a word. She just watched the front man slide across the floor and get thrown a rag to wipe his forehead. In the movement he looked over and smirked at Beca. She raised her eyebrows, stunned by his cockiness.
After he had taken his bow, Aubrey ushered them all together. Beca pointedly looked everywhere but Chloe, but she could feel her eyes on her. When they failed at the 'hands in' movement once again, they prepared themselves. This was going to be a hard one to come back from.
As they made their way on stage, Beca was grateful for the pills she had taken. They had eased the pain in her leg to a dull ache. It was hardly noticeable, and it was the best relief she could ask for. The room was still spinning however, and the subtle nausea that seemed to linger throughout the day had increased. Beca decided to ignore it for now as Aubrey started to count them in.
Oh oh oh yeah
I, I got a new life
You would hardly recognise me, I'm so glad
How could a person, like me care for you?
Beca watched the crowd. The sound tech guy started to check his phone. The audience were starting to look around, clearly not interested. One of the judges started shaking his head. She glanced to her left to see the frontman of the footnotes doing a little jig, clearly mocking them. It was then she made a split decision. She just needed the right time.
Why do I bother, when you're not the one for me?
Oo-hoo-hoo-oo-oo
Is enough enough?
This was the opening Beca needed. It was now or never.
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes
And I am happy now living without you, I left you all alone
(This time baby I'll be, bulletproof)
Amy looked at her with the most confused expression Beca had ever seen. The brunette ignored it, ploughing through with her plan. She could see Aubrey twitching her head, confused at the interruption.
I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
(This time baby I'll be, bulletproof)
I saw the sign
(Bulletproof)
I saw the sign
(Bulletproof)
They moved to the position where they would transition into their next song, with Aubrey stood in front of Beca. The blonde sent a subtle glare back, and Beca knew she was in for it.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Walking off stage, Beca couldn't help feel a sense of elation. She had mixed the songs seamlessly on stage, and the audience had seemed to enjoy it. It was refreshing, diverting from the stale set that everyone had come to know. She was starting to believe that maybe even the Bella's had appreciated it, judging from the excited chattering that was following behind her. But that all came crashing down in an instant.
"What the hell, Beca?! Were you trying to screw us up?!" Aubrey's voice silenced everyone. They all formed a sort of circle around the senior, leaving Beca to stand on her own. It took everything for her to stand her ground.
"Are you serious?"
"News flash, this isn't the Beca Show!" the venom in Aubrey's voice was making Beca's throat feel tight. Her breathing became more erratic as she tried to defend herself.
"Okay, I'm sorry that I messed you up, but in case you hadn't noticed, everyone pretty much dozed off during our set." This seemed like the more mature approach, but Aubrey still wasn't having it.
"It's not your job to decide what we do, and when we do it. How about you ask the rest of the group how they felt about your little improvisation." Beca looked around. Everyone was looking anywhere but Beca, trying not to be the victim of Aubrey's wrath. It was killing Beca – the people who were supposed to be her friends weren't saying a single thing. So she took a leap of faith.
"Amy?" she looked as nervous as Beca felt.
"It was cool." Beca almost breathed a sigh of relief until she started talking again. "But… it did take us a bit by surprise."
Aubrey jumped back in. "yeah a lot by surprise." Amy made a face and put her fingers about an inch apart, indicating that it wasn't that big of a deal. Throughout the whole thing, Chloe hadn't said a word. She just looked around, trying to act nonchalant. This enraged Beca. Not only was Chloe ignoring her, but she wasn't even defending her against Aubrey's wrath.
It was then that Aubrey turned to Chloe and spoke the words that put the icing on the cake.
"I told you she wasn't a Bella." The words didn't sound new. The conversation sounded worn and familiar, and from the look on Chloe's face, something that Beca was never supposed to hear. This time Chloe spoke up.
"Aubrey don't –"
"No, that's okay," Beca tried to put as much malice into her voice as possible. "You don't have to pretend like you're allowed a say in the group, right?" from the look on Chloe's face, Beca could see she had struck a nerve.
"Your attitude sucks, you're a grade 'A' pain in my ass, and I know you're hooking up with Jesse." Aubrey knew, deep down she was going too far. She could see the brunettes face paling, and her demeanour changing so she was standing predominantly on her left leg. But Aubrey couldn't stop.
"Whoa Aubrey, calm down. We are not hooking up –"Beca didn't know that Jesse was there, but his comments were not something she wanted to hear right now.
"Jesus Christ! That's perfect, of course you're here right now. I don't need your help okay? Can you back off?!" the hurt look on Jesse's face sent guilt through the brunette, but the rage overshadowed any other feeling. She could still feel her throat constricting.
Benji rounded the corner, telling the trebles they were on. Beca took this opportunity. Turning back to the Bella's she started walking backwards.
"If this is what I get for trying…" with that, she walked away, leaving the stunned Bella's in her wake. Before she left, she grabbed her phone which was sitting on top of her jacket, knowing she'd probably have to call Luke for a ride. Beca didn't want to leave. She had really come to like those girls, but clearly it was all fake. None of them had come after her. The only person that cared enough was Benji, who was calling to her – telling her to wait. But she didn't slow her pace until she was outside the building, breathing in the night air. Her throat was tight, and she was struggling for breath, but she carried on walking, putting enough distance between her and the girls who had destroyed her life.
Hot tears started brewing at the corners of her eyes, put she wiped them away furiously. She was not going to cry tonight.
There were few people walking the streets at this time of night, but those who were out were looking at her oddly, clearly confused at her choice of clothing. Beca needed to get away from everyone, preferably somewhere with a seat. Her vision was starting to go blurry as the pain in her leg reached a crescendo. The drugs had clearly worn off.
When she reached the next lamppost, she stopped and leaned against it. She couldn't catch her breath, and it felt like her whole body was on fire. Resting her head against the cool metal, she brought up Luke's number and sent a quick text off, knowing that's all she could muster. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to quell the nausea that was rising.
"Are you alright miss?" Beca opened her eyes to see an elderly man with a kind face staring at her, concern etched into his features. She was going to reply, saying she was okay and to just move along, when vomit rose into her throat. Beca quickly turned away and aimed it into the bushes. The nutrition bar she had had at breakfast made its appearance, but under the street lamp she could see something more.
Deep crimson blood mingled with the bile. She could feel remnants of it dribbling down her chin, and more pushing its way up. She could feel the man's hand on her lower back, rubbing soothing circles. Pushing herself back up, she moved her hand to wipe her chin and face the man. They made eye contact for a brief second as the brunette opened her mouth to speak, but all of her energy had been zapped out of her.
The floor made its way up to greet her. The man that had been rubbing her back was now screaming for someone to call an ambulance. It all seemed hazy, like she was underwater. As hard as she tried to keep her eyes open, she couldn't. The warm embrace of darkness smothered her once again.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Luke was watching TV in his apartment when the text came through. He didn't read it at first, deciding that if it was urgent they would call. Curiosity got the better of him however, when he stuck the spoon he was using for his ice-cream in his mouth and set the pot down and reached for his phone. When he read the text, his jaw went slack, causing the spoon to fall to the floor. He raced to his bedroom, throwing on a pair of sweatpants, a hoodie and his shoes before grabbing his keys and slamming the door, the TV still blaring.
His heart was beating frantically as he turned the ignition of his car. He remembered Beca telling him she the semi-finals tonight. And that she would take it easy. He re-read the text before shooting out of the car park and into the night.
[21:24] Beca – something's wrong. Please help
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A/N – I love you all aca-nerds.