"The world gives you so much pain, and here you are making gold out of it. There is nothing purer than that." – Rupi Kaur
Beca's eyes were glazed over. The faraway look that had dominated her features knitting her eyebrows together in thought. But despite everything, Chloe still thought she looked beautiful.
The brunette pulled her gaze from Chloe's to glance around the room. Her eyes roamed all of her surrounding before settling on their joined hands.
"What happened?" Beca asked, her features betraying the unease her face was so desperately trying to control. Chloe cleared her throat before answering.
"Umm… well after semi-finals and the whole blow-up with Aubrey, you stormed out. Nobody knew where you went. Benji tried to follow you but you were long gone." The redhead shifted uncomfortably before continuing. "Apparently you were walking down the street and just started throwing up. There was blood in the vomit, and after you just passed out."
Beca took her time processing this. The details were blurry, but she was sure there was someone else there with her. She still couldn't meet the redhead's eyes as she asked the question.
"There was someone else?" Chloe nodded.
"Yeah, his name is Arthur. He's waiting right outside. He called Luke to get him to come to you, before calling the ambulance. In the end Luke ended up meeting you both here. He rode in with you." Beca was shocked. A complete stranger had gone out of his way to ensure that the brunette was looked after. Warmth spread in Beca's heart.
"I've gotta go and say thanks." She started to pull herself up, the IV's in her hands pulling against the sudden motion.
"Whoa, you're not going anywhere missy." Chloe gently pushed the girl back down in the bed, straightening up the covers. Beca stared intently into the redhead's eyes, looking for any sign of the girl by the lake, the girl that had screamed that she didn't want a part of this.
"Chloe." The redhead's actions stilled, but she still couldn't look Beca in the eye. Afraid the truth would be written there, as clear as day.
"Chloe please look at me." As soon as she looked up, she locked eyes with Beca. Her dark blue eyes were swimming with emotions Chloe had never seen grace the brunettes face before. There was uncertainty floating on the surface, but also a deeper, almost hidden pain that Chloe had looked at but never truly seen.
"Beca… I-"
"No please. Let me speak." Beca looked at Chloe pleadingly, and Chloe knew to shut up, knowing that this is what she had been asking for since the day Beca's doctor's appointment. She nodded. Beca took a deep breath, steadying her nerves before talking.
"I… I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For being closed-off or whatever… it was a real dick move and you didn't deserve the way I acted." The brunette started picking at a loose thread on the hospital blanket, willing her mouth to get the words out. "I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to put you through what I was going through. The only reason Luke knew was because I couldn't handle it at first." Her voice cracked at the end, and she struggled to choke back to emotions that were brewing in her throat. Beca closed her eyes, willing herself to continue when she felt warm skin on her hands. She opened her eyes to see Chloe squeezing her hands, silently telling her it was okay to continue.
"My Doctor told me that there is a high chance the chemo won't work… that alternative options may have to be explored. And even then it might not work. Chloe you have to understand that my pushing you away was me trying to make it easier for you in the long run. But I realise now that I need you and I… I can't do this without you Chloe." That was the tipping point for Beca.
Sobs racked her body as Chloe pulled her into her chest. The redhead had never seen Beca looking so vulnerable, the smaller girl's hands grasping the back of Chloe's shirt for dear life, and she swore to herself that she would protect her, to be the person she so desperately needed. She pulled Beca away from her, cupping her cheeks. With the pad of her thumb, Chloe wiped away the tears that continued to stream down her face.
"I forgive you. And I'm here now. I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have ran when you told me. But I'm not going to leave you Beca." They stared into each other's eyes for a long time, only being broken up by the occasional glance of the lips from both girls. It was all becoming too much for Chloe. She leaned back.
"I'm gonna go tell the others that you're awake. I'm sure they're dying to talk to you." Chloe plastered a smile on her face, to which Beca responded with an equally strained smile.
"Sure… sure okay."
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Beca had been able to get discharged on the basis that she took nausea suppressing tablets, which would ultimately settle the lining of her stomach. The only problem was that it would make her extremely drowsy. She'd taken her first dose, and it was alright showing.
"But I want to walk! I've been stuck in bed all day." Beca practically whined as Chloe wheeled in a wheelchair.
"Beca, you heard what the doctor said. You have to keep weight off your leg and relax." Chloe tried to put on her best "mom" voice, but she knew it was futile.
"Okay I won't walk. I'll hop. Dr. Carson gave me crutches for a reason." Beca huffed before pushing herself up. Luke had ran back to Beca's dorm to pick up some clothes, knowing the broody brunette would never be persuaded to wear her Bella's uniform home. She was wearing lose grey sweatpants with one of Luke's old hoodies. Chloe couldn't help the pang of jealousy that shot through her heart, knowing Luke was there for Beca since the start. She pushed the feelings down as she watched the girl thread her arms through the crutch holes and start to hope out of the room, Luke and Chloe in tow.
"Arthur had to go home, but he left his number if you want to ring him." Luke left no room to argue, knowing Beca would probably decline.
"Yeah I'll do that when I'm home. Thanks Luke." The sincerity of her voice caught them both off guard.
"Are you not coming back to the radio station?" Luke didn't want to pry, but that was where she would normal reside after a hospital visit.
Beca glanced back, already feeling the fatigue in her body.
"No, I think I'm going to sleep in an actual bed tonight. Thank you though." Beca proceeded down the corridor, trying to act as if her body felt like a pile of lead. Chloe had brought the wheelchair with them, just in case.
They progressed slowly down the hall, Beca's laboured breathing being the only noise to break up the silence. They had to stop every now and then so Beca could catch her breath, and the breaks got gradually longer.
She was leaning up against the wall, eyes closed and a light sheen of sweat on her forehead when Chloe spoke up.
"Beca," she rested her hand between the brunette's shoulder blades. "I think we should maybe take it from here." Luke gasped slightly behind them, remembering how this had gone down. Both seniors waiting in anticipation as Beca turned to them and gave a wry smile.
"I think you're right." The seniors blinked for a second, surprised that Beca had so willingly gave up her independence. They were brought out of their thoughts when Beca started to slip her hands out of the holes and offering them to Luke. He took them while Chloe gently lowered Beca into the wheelchair, placing the footrests once she was settled.
The ride to the car was quicker, and in no time they were all stood outside the two cars of Chloe and Luke. The blonde was about to load the crutches into his car when Beca stopped him.
"Hey Luke? Would you mind if I ride with Chloe? I umm…" Beca locked eyes with the redhead, an unfamiliar light shining in them. "That's if it's okay with you both." Chloe and Luke glanced at each other, before they both smiled and nodded.
"I'll help you." Chloe put the brakes on the wheelchair, before snaking her arm under Beca's arms. The brunette gratefully complied, leaning heavily on Chloe. The redhead's heart lurched when she realised just how fragile Beca had become. Her best friend was literally crumbling in her arms, and she was too selfish to realise.
They shuffled to the passenger side, with Beca using the hand not holding Chloe's shoulder to brace herself against the car. Chloe lowered her down until she was sitting comfortably, and then swung her legs in. Beca smiled gratefully as she buckled herself in. she said a quick goodbye to Luke before they pulled out of the parking lot.
"So I'm taking you to your dorm?" Chloe glanced to her right, seeing that Beca was already staring at her.
"Yes please."
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"Do you think you could stay for a little bit?" Chloe looked up in surprise from where she was taking Beca's shoes off. They had made it to her dorm, despite the walk being agonisingly slow.
"If that's what you want. I wouldn't want to impose." Chloe cringed inwardly as she lined the shoes up with the others in the corner. This is my best friend, it shouldn't even be a question! She internally screamed.
"Shut it Beale. You've never been one to turn down a cuddle." Beca patted the space beside her on the bed. It was made neatly, mirroring the rest of Beca's side of the room. Luke's doing, no doubt. There was no way Beca was that tidy.
"Okay." Chloe moved to the space next to Beca, and their "signature cuddle position" started to take place. Beca turned on her music through her phone, soft music creating a sombre mood.
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Beca looked up at Chloe, the same light in her eyes as the redhead had seen earlier that day. They gazed into each other's eyes before Beca's eyes flicked to Chloe's lips. Her heart sped up as Beca started to lean in. all Chloe could do was close her eyes as their lips met, butterflies erupting in both girls' stomachs.
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
Beca brought her hand up to Chloe's face, pulling her down. Chloe obliged eagerly, their lips moving together in perfect sync. The redhead felt a tongue swipe against her lips, so she granted access, a deep moan radiating from the brunette. It sent shivers down Chloe's spine as their tongues danced.
I've come undone
but you make sense of who I am
like puzzle pieces in your eye
Their movements were becoming more heated, Beca gripping Chloe's waist, urging her up. Chloe moved gently but swiftly, placing a knee on either side of Beca's body. Beca's hands had a gentle but firm hold on Chloe's waist as the redhead brought her hands up to cup Beca's face.
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!
Chloe moaned softly as Beca's fingers found their way under her shirt. Chloe detached their lips before reattaching them to the younger girls' neck, nipping and sucking. Beca whimpered under her, pulling Chloe impossibly closer. The feel of the redhead's hips grinding into Beca's sent waves of heat flowing through both girls, desire pulsing in every bone of their bodies.
Tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!
Then I'll see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole
"Wait." Beca's voice was breathless, but she needed to be heard. "Chloe wait…"
Chloe glanced up, heart plummeting when she saw the look on the brunettes face.
"Oh Beca I'm so sorry… I didn't know what I was thinking." Chloe started moving to get up, when Beca grabbed her hand. Chloe met her eyes, a new look of desire and adoration floating beneath hooded lids.
"As much as I loved this… whatever this is," Beca kissed Chloe's palm, making Chloe's heart sore once again. "I don't think we should rush into anything.
All Chloe could do was nod. She settled against Beca's side. The younger girls' heartbeat was pounding against her cheek, but Chloe didn't mind. As long as that heart was beating, she was content to take it as slow as Beca needed. For now, they had all the time in the world.
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A/N – explanations a plenty in the next chapter.