A week and three days later, Jessica got a call from Rhiannon Steel asking how things were going.
"Oh, I've been adjusting," Jessica told her. "Can't say things have been easy all the time, but we're getting along quite well, if that's what you're worried about."
"That was in the back of my mind, but to be honest, I wasn't too worried about that," Rhiannon said. "As complicated as Yuki is, he's not the type of person to be outright mean to someone during difficult times. Even when the Belles broke up and everyone thought he was responsible for it, he'd spend much of those last days giving your mum and me advice on our next project along with tea and biscuits he'd made himself. Not really the evil dragon boy by any means, even if Paula thought differently back then."
"Well, he's not treating me badly, but how he's acting still bothers me," Jessica said. "He'll spend about half the day alone in his studio, and the rest of time, he likes sitting around in his old armchair, where he'll talk to us for a while but otherwise do nothing at all. He lets Shannon or me come into the studio whenever we wish to, but otherwise, he keeps his distance from everyone. No visitors are allowed unless they call us first, and if Shannon and I go out, we must give him the full details about where we'll go and when we'll come back, or else we can't leave the apartment at all."
Rhiannon sighed. "You can't expect him to be easy going after what he's been through. I rarely leave home these days myself if I don't have work to do. It upsets Jane, Lou, and Zoe sometimes, but they seem to understand why I do it. If you give it some time, perhaps he'll start acting more normally soon."
Jessica hoped she was right. As nice as it was to be looking after Shannon, she was tired of being the only one who cleaned up around the place or made any attempt at cooking despite being terrible at it. And the awful silences when there was little to do were probably the worst moments. No amount of silly shows she and Shannon watched (Jessica only really liked the British shows on PBS and MASH, after all), nor all those awful, mellow country and soft rock songs played on the radio recently (the good rock hits from the earlier part of the year seemed to have vanished for good) could make up for the lively conversations Jessica usually had with her mum when she visited in the past.
Then, of course, there were the calls they got from friends and relatives, including her great uncle Mike and aunt Gretchen, who were close to both Jessica and Shannon, but had to show up in New York a day after the funeral because of how they were handling some of her mother's finances in England, and even her father, who was now back home and permitting Jessica to stay on until New Year's at the latest (although he still wouldn't reveal where he'd been in the past week). They'd also heard from Laurie and Daniella, but not Paula and Gina themselves for some reason, which upset Yuki because he took it to mean they were probably carrying on with the Belles' old feud.
Throughout the rest of the conversation, Rhiannon told Jessica that she'd been increasing the time spend with her three kids and was even looking into starting a relationship with Malcom Owens, a well-known actor through the BBC. She'd taken to drinking less these past few days after years of depending on it so much when she'd get depressed, and had now found it a little easier to write songs because of it, which would perhaps put an end to the claims that she was the least talent Belle. Jessica wished her luck on all that, but told her little else about what went on at home, figuring she didn't want to bother Rhiannon when she was doing her best to adjust to these hard times.
When the call was done, Jessica returned to the living room, where Shannon was now sitting in Yuki's lap while he was watching the news.
"How's Rhiannon doing?" Yuki asked her.
"She's adjusting. She told me she doesn't like leaving home much anymore, but when she's focused on her work, it helps her feel better."
"I don't blame her. I sometimes wonder when I'll be able to set foot out of the apartment without panicking so much. Just going through the main entrance remains me of how I saw your mom sprawled on the floor and bleeding through her arm and chest on that exact spot just a week ago."
Shannon turned pale as she heard her father speak. Noticing this, Yuki held his daughter's hand and said, "Am I scaring you, sweetheart?"
"Say whatever you want to, Daddy. I'm okay with it," Shannon said.
"Are you sure?"
Shannon looked weakly at both Yuki and Jessica. "I don't know," she whispered.
Yuki took the girl into his arms. "It's okay to feel that way, Shannon," he said in a gentle voice. "We've all been sad about what happened to your mom. Jessica's been sad, Rhiannon, Gina, and Paula have been sad, and so am I. You don't have to feel like you're alone in this. Do you understand?"
Shannon nodded, and Jessica felt touched by what she saw. There were times in the past when she'd wondered whether Yuki loved Shannon as much as her mum did, and all it would take was seeing him greeting her so eagerly when he got back home or taking on the roles her mother usually took on with no complaint, like dressing and changing her or putting her to bed, to make her realize he really did care. Having lost touch with Kyo, his son from his first marriage, when the boy was only three years old (according to rumors, Yuki's ex-wife had joined a doomsday cult that forced Kyo to believe that his father was evil from a young age), he wanted to be as close to Shannon as possible to make up for the relationship he could never have with his son. Her mother had confided in her that losing Shannon was Yuki's biggest fear, and given what had just happened, Jessica guessed that this fear might now be worse than ever before.
Noticing the news, Jessica turned to Yuki and asked, "Are you sure you want to watch all that at a time like this?"
"I have to know at least a little of what's going on in the world," Yuki said.
It was at this moment that a female reporter from ABC news, stationed around a jail in New York, gave the report none of them were prepared to hear: "It is right here where Miranda Carlson, the woman who killed former Belles member Joan Lennox, is now being held in custody. In a week, she will be going on trial under second- degree murder charges. According to a statement giving by Carlson, while she expresses remorse for Lennox's family and friends, the way she sees things, the singer's time was up. She believes Lennox demonstrated herself to be a hypocrite by telling people they would be better off without possessions and wars while she surrounded herself with luxury and conflict of all sorts, and she believes such people don't deserve to be in this world. She'd ended her statement with the popular old saying from the height of the Belles' popularity, 'A belle always raises hell'."
Jessica felt her stomach revolting as she heard this, made all the worst when they showed a picture of the woman with a ponytail and glasses, which had been her mother's signature look in the later years.
"Jessica, are you feeling okay?" Shannon asked, now looking more scared than before.
"Is something wrong?" Yuki said.
"Jessica looks like she's going to be sick."
Yuki turned to look at Jessica, and seeing her putting a hand around her mouth as her face turned green, he went over to her and said, "Are you feeling sick, Jessica?"
Jessica nodded, and in that instance, she covered her mouth and ran over to the bathroom, then knelt over the toilet and vomited until there was nothing left inside of her stomach.
When she'd finished retching, she looked up to see Yuki standing in front of her, handing her a napkin to wipe her mouth in along with a fizzy drink that must have been some sort of anti-acid.
"Drink that to help settle your stomach," he said. "I don't know what made you sick, but I'm guessing seeing that news report didn't help out in any way."
Jessica sipped the drink slowly, already feeling a little relief wash over her body. Yuki put a hand around her shoulder, and the look of worry on his face gave her the feeling that at least for now, he felt as much concern for her as he did for Shannon a while ago. When she gathered the strength to speak again, she said, "Didn't it scare you just how much that woman looks like Mum? Seeing her with the glasses and headband, it's almost as if she believes she actually is her."
"And apparently, it's not just in looks that she was similar to your mom," Yuki said. "She had a somewhat similar background as well, having come from divorced parents and being a poor student despite showing some strong talent in certain subjects. When the Belles first became famous when she was in the eighth grade, she listened to all their songs and read all news on them obsessively. Joan became her idol, and she would dress like her and even quote things she'd say in interviews. And when she got older, she even married a Japanese man."
Jessica had heard fragments of this on the news, but hearing all this at once started making her feel weak all over again. But because she was curious, she asked, "Do you know what made her suddenly hate Mum so much?"
"At first, she took some issue with Joan's views on organized religion. But what really fueled her hatred was going through all her newer songs and seeing the statements made about how endless luxury is destroying us and how we should all work for peace. The way she saw things, Joan didn't live by her professed philosophy because she surrounded herself with luxury while her personal life was a mess. And as her delusions became worse, she started seeing Joan as a force of evil that needed to be eliminated if humanity was to be saved…"
"Stop," Jessica said. "I don't think I can go on hearing about this. It's all just so awful."
"I understand," Yuki said. "I wouldn't want to make you feel sick or anxious again."
"Don't you ever feel this way, Yuki, as if taking in how messed up this situation isn't just destroying you emotionally, but physically as well?"
"I've felt like that every day since your mom died," Yuki admitted. "I'm exhausted every morning because I can never get more than two hours of sleep a night, and my head and stomach hurt throughout the day because I either think too much about everything or try to ignore it all, sometimes by eating nothing but junk or by trying to concentrate only on my artwork. But no matter what I do, the pain and sickness is still there, and I find myself worrying that I might never move on at all."
"But we must, somehow," Jessica said.
"I agree," Yuki said. Then, walking over to the sink, he said, "But right now, I want you to be honest with me about something." Picking up the blue and white bottle of sleeping pills that Jessica hadn't realized she'd left behind last night, he asked, "Have you been taking these?"
Jessica gulped. She'd done her best to hide the pills ever since she'd gotten here because she knew how Yuki would react to finding them. In the past couple of years, both her mum and Yuki had turned against the drug culture they'd once embraced, in large part because of their commitment to providing a healthy home life for Shannon.
Her mum would often have candid discussions with Jessica about her past drug usage, saying how it all began with the sleeping pills she took to get a good night's rest and the amphetameme she and the other Belles would take to control their weight, and how she then moved on to using marijuana, LSD, and even heroin at one point. "It all seemed like a nice way to liberate yourself back then, but now that I think about it, they all just dragged you into a waste land that's very hard get yourself out of in the long run," she'd once said. She even admitted that one her biggest disagreements with Paula these days was how she and Laurie continued to smoke marijuana on a regular basis despite leading very family-oriented lives, even growing it on the farm they kept in Southern England despite it almost resulting in arrest after complaints from a neighbor. After Paula's arrest in the spring for marijuana possession at an airport, she'd complained in a phone call to Jessica, "Just what is it going to take for that woman to learn? She may as well as goodbye to her image as an innocent granny-song writing mummy if she's going to get herself into scandals like this!"
With such views on drugs, Jessica could never admit to her that she'd taken marijuana herself several times at parties, and would sometimes take sleeping pills when her sports teams went on overnight trips for games. Not enough to become addicted, but occassionlly, as some other teenagers did, and the most trouble she got into for it was when her father found a joint she'd tossed somewhere in her room. He'd gotten upset, but all he did was forbid her from going to any more parties for a month. However, she felt that if her mother had caught her, she wouldn't have been let off that easily. And if Yuki had done so, it would have been much worse. He might have gone so far as convincing her mum not to let Jessica come over anymore, as far as she knew.
But now, he seemed more tired than angry as he faced Jessica. And so, gathering up her courage, she said, "I've been taking them because I'm having a hard time sleeping lately. It either takes me long to fall asleep, or else I have bad dreams if I do."
"I see, but you don't have to take pills to help you sleep. You do remember those herbal teas I make to help with sleep?"
"Yes, but they almost never help you stay asleep for longer than four hours." Also, they tasted just plain awful, but she wasn't going to admit this now.
"But I still don't want you taking them so much. If you're having trouble sleeping, then come see me in the studio or even call your father if that's what you prefer. The last thing I want to see is you becoming addicted to them and then turning to other drugs. Now, be honest with me: have you used these before?"
"Yes. During trips for games," Jessica said, knowing that if she lied, it would only make things worse.
"Only then, or on other occasions too?"
"No. Only then," Jessica said, telling the truth.
"Have you used other drugs before?"
"Just marijuana in a couple of parties, but not that often," Jessica said, wondering what sort of reaction this would inspire.
But instead of getting angry, Yuki just nodded patiently. "Okay. Now, I want to make one thing clear with you: if you want to keep having regular visits and allowances, I don't want to hear any more about you using drugs. If you think you need the sleeping pills, only take them about once a week, but no more than that. However, if you go on with this, I will have to limit how often you come here and how much money you get. I don't want you to be bringing in any more problems than we already have, especially for Shannon's sake."
"All right. I understand," Jessica said.
"Don't get me wrong. I appreciate how you came to your mother's funeral and are doing so much to help Shannon. I care a lot about you despite how I act around you sometimes, and I don't want to see you drift away from the family after all we've been through. But if you're going to behave in a dangerous way, it will only make things worse for us, and I'll have to do whatever it takes to maintain any stability we have left."
Jessica nodded. It was hard to argue with his reasoning, whatever her personal feelings about it may be.
"Now, are you feeling better?"
"I think so," Jessica said.
"Good. Now let's go back with Shannon and forget about watching all this bad news for a while. Can't get any stability if we go on with the things that are bad for us."