XIV

Trust

"Are you ready to ask your next question?" he asked, enjoying the respite from their playing to allow their bodies to cool. His pants weren't quite as constricting at the moment and he felt confident he'd be able to answer anything she threw his way.

"Hmm … ok, I've got one. How did you come to be the Dark One?" she asked, turning her gaze up to him expectantly.

Rumpelstiltskin's brow furrowed as he closed his eyes, pain coloring his expression. The image of his beloved son flitted across his mind's eye and with it, the agony of their separation. This subject was the last of which he wished to discuss, but he couldn't deny her, not when he'd been so adamant about honesty between them. Wasn't that the point of this little exercise?

"I took on the curse to save my son, Baelfire," he began, clearing his throat of the knot lodged within. "He was almost fourteen, and the Duke of the Frontlands lowered the age of conscription. They were going to take him from me and send him off to fight the ogres. It was futile to run, but we tried anyway."

Belle stared at him in horror, sharing his pain. "Oh, Rumpel, anyone would have run. You were trying to save him."

He nodded. "We met a beggar on the road. He came back to our cottage with us when Hordor and his men found us and showed us how futile it was to try to escape. The old man told me a tale about a dagger which would give me command over the Dark One. He told me if I were to kill the Dark One, I could take that power for myself. You can imagine how seductive it was to think of myself with that power, Belle. I would never have to worry about my son's safety, never have to worry about someone trying to take him from me again. I could turn the power around and use it for good."

"But it was stronger, wasn't it?" she whispered.

"Aye, love. The only good I've ever done with it was to end the war and bring the children home. It only got worse for me, Belle. I became the monster and Bae hated me for it. All he wanted was his father back. He didn't understand that I didn't want to be evil, but how could I fight it when there is that constant voice whispering in my ear, convoluting my plans to turn them dark?"

Tears washed over her ashen cheeks as she listened. She'd suspected as much, having come upon him enough times and finding him talking to himself.

"I even made a deal with Bae. If he could find a way to return me to what I was – without killing me, that is – I would do it. It's the only deal I've ever broken." His wide amber eyes begged for her to understand. "I didn't mean to, Belle. He went to the Blue Fairy with his tale and she gave him a magic bean to take us to a land without magic."

Belle frowned. "But that wouldn't have rid you of your curse, would it? It would just make it dormant."

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, smiling faintly. "Clever girl. No, it wouldn't have removed my curse. When the portal opened, however, I panicked. We would be in a new world; a strange world and I'd be back to what I once was … a lame coward with no way to protect my boy. I couldn't do it! The darkness within me was too strong, and it refused to let me go. Bae slipped, and I can … I can remember holding on to him, remember the feel of his hand in mine and I … I let go. I let go, Belle, and he fell. He fell into that green vortex and I … I lost him."

The manacles opened with a click and she was free to wrap her arms around him, drawing him into her comforting embrace. "It's not your fault, Rumpel," she cooed, feeling his tears splash against her collarbone. "Have you found no way to reunite with him?"

"I've searched for centuries to no avail. If there'd been a way, I would have found it by now," he said, taking a deep shuddering breath to calm himself and push the pain aside.

"I'm sorry I dredged up bad memories for you." She knew how much it must have cost him to share that particular part of his past with her, and also how much trust.

He waved her off. "No matter, dearest." A deep rumble sounded in his chest as she petted his hair and she merely held him closer, wrapped about him as she was, happy to chase away his fears.