2: SAVED BY A DIVER

A/N: three things I haven't seen in fanfic that I'm trying to work in here: possibility of Gill knowing Marlin (I snuck in my version of the Marlin/Choral meeting), Gill's 'rebellious nature' leads to his capture, and the only tank Gill's ever been in is Dr. Shermann's. Enjoy.

The only friend Gill ever had while living in the ocean was a clownfish named Marlin. Marlin was almost too friendly, but he was determined to be pals with Gill, and after a short time, Gill just didn't want to keep pushing him away. Marlin didn't stop until a challenge was conquered, and apparently one intriguing challenge was befriending the "human-loving freak." But Marlin was the only choice of a friend Gill had then…a good friend, Gill came to decide. Marlin was almost obnoxiously enthusiastic and terribly impulsive, but he was also extremely loyal to those he considered worthy (which included Gill somehow). Though Marlin loved the structure of the rules that governed the rief while Gill was curious about the unknown, they balanced each other out: Gill was Marlin's voice of reason while Marlin was Gill's optimist.

Not to mention, Gill didn't feel quite as forgotten when his whole school found mates—all at once. It was pathetic, he thought, that he should feel sad at all at the school's breakup, but he did.

Marlin, though, understood immediately. "You were part of something," he said. "You belonged to a group and you had a connection with other fish. Not a great one. But a connection. But hey, you still got me!"

Gill returned Marlin's grin. "Yeah, I do." And the grin faded. "Until you find a mate."

Marlin sighed. "Yes. I'll live and love to live until I find a mate, and then my real purpose will be to please her and raise our offspring. Until then, though, I can enjoy being yung! What about you? Any females you're interested in?" And now Marlin leaned closer and Gill inwardly sighed.

"None yet. It's almost peculiar…everyone's getting a mate, and I just don't have that desire right now. It's like I can't find a fish that makes me feel the way everyone is saying they feel. It sounds a little silly, I know, but…"

"No," Marlin said kindly. "I get it. You mate for life, and so you really want to find someone who will make the whole remainder of your life meaningful. I'm looking for that too. My schoolmates are telling me it's not that big a deal, especially since we clownfish can switch gender if we really need to, but I want something genuine, you know?"

"Yup," Gill said, smiling. "And this is why we're friends."

"Besides," Marlin mused, smirking. "We both know that when you do find that special idol, it won't be too hard convincing her!"

Gill swallowed hard as Marlin swam away, happy and oblivious. Gill had put on the poker face that he'd gotten good at wearing, hoping that Marlin wouldn't notice anything abnormal; and Marlin didn't, being a fish who was simply too eager to please. Now Gill was on his own for the night again, alone to contemplate the bitter irony: he could have any pick of any of the many female Moorish idols around, but he knew for a fact that he was most definitely not attracted to Moorish idols. Parents adopting juviniles of a different species was seen as touching, but a mating between two fish of a different species? That just didn't exist. It was unheard-of. It had never happened. Noone ever brought it up; no one ever said it was wrong; no one talked about it. Period. And so Gill swam back into his little cave on the edge of the rief, unsure how he felt at the bittersweetness of being on his own.

It was mating season again. And he was finally old enough, so no more excuses. Gill went with Marlin to the safest part of the rief, where content singles rarely swam and very yung juviniles were not allowed. The coral seemed brighter here, the water clearer. Fish of every color, pattern and species mingled around, some searching for good matches, others looking for their long-time mate. This was also the place to begin reproduction without fear of being disturbed; there were many convenient crevaces.

Gill gazed around after Marlin left him to mingle with the other clownfish. Even here, each kind of fish had its own little clique. Even if he did try to connect with a different fish, everyone in the clearing would notice. (Even the excuse of experimenting wouldn't work. He would just be deemed weirder than he already was.) But he could pretend to be interested in the species of fish that was "allowed." He was good at pretending. So he pretended to be looking at the female idols while he daydreamed about…something he couldn't admit even to himself.

And then he spotted them: Tyranos and Petti, Stooge and Sassy, Toady and Tyreen. They were floating by in two lines of three. Tyranos and Petti at the front—surprise, surprise, surveying all the others they could see, trying to get as many envious looks as possible.

What no one knew but Gill was that Tyranos had bent the story. Gill had been watching out of sight (as was his specialty by then) when Tyranos met Petti. The two had spotted each other, chatted a bit, and carelessly matched up the underlings, then called it good (and went at it). The top fish were so excited about their "beautiful future offspring" and the way they looked together that they could care less about anyone else—not too much of a change from before, really. The four former flunkies got together only because their leaders had. But what story was told? If you asked any one else, Tyranos only agreed to mate after endless pleading from Petti when she agreed that Toady and Stooge could have Tyreen and Sassy, as a "kind gesture to her future mate." This made it look like Petti and Tyranos cared about their schoolmates when they, in fact, did not. The flunkies simply had no minds of their own, and the leaders let them stay to be a constant audience if ever they wanted one.

Gill turned to show his tail when they turned in his direction now. He didn't want them to see him looking and give them that satisfaction. He turned completely around, silently telling them that he had no interest whatsoever in their lives anymore, and spotted Marlin in the middle of a group of clownfish. Gill drifted towards them, an eye on Marlin. Marlin tended to lose his confidence around a large or intimidating group of fish, so Gill floated close by just in case Marlin needed a wingfish.

Gill arrived just in time to see Marlin acting like an overenthusiastic dork—as always. Perhaps the right female would find him endearing, but so far he was just coming off as trying too hard. Every fish near him was laughing out of sheer awkwardness and turning away…except for one.

Gill felt a great leap of excitement when he saw a female clownfish a little ways away, hiding her face behind some plants…but she was laughing. Hard. Gill suttly signaled to Marlin to peer in her direction, and when Marlin saw her, he beamed and rushed over.

"Excuse me!" Marlin said to her, moving in close. "Could you check and see if I have a hook in my lip?"

The female was giggling so much that she could not speak. She tried to move away and catch her breath, but Marlin must have thought that she was uncomfortable, and so he moved even closer as to not let her slip away.

"Oh…you gotta look closer, 'cause it's way in there!"

"I like yo-" the female managed just before Marlin's lips met hers. She was already a little breathless, it looked like, and the two fish froze as they made contact: a perfectly romantic kiss.

Her name was Coral. Gill met her a couple of days later when Marlin introduced them. Coral was calm and rational, yet found Marlin's impulsivity and childlike enthusiasm adorable.

Gill's work there was done.

Gill only came out of his cave to eat now—well, eat and diver-watch. No matter where Gill looked, even at the edge of the rief where it wasn't as busy, there were cute little couples—some with happy families. It was like mating seemed to fix everything. Mating made a fish complete and took away all the worry and insecurity about the future. Mating was the next step for a fish of Gill's age. It was the law of fish nature—in the simplest terms: survive at all costs and reproduce when appropriate.

There was no reason that Gill should be without a mate…so what was missing? What was the reason Gill couldn't feel that feeling that every other fish he knew seemed to feel eventually? If Gill really just tried hard to find a mate of his own, could he finally feel normal? (And would mating quell the strange fascination he had with) humans? Marlin hadn't been lying when he'd remarked that Gill would have no trouble convincing a female idol to mate. Despite Tyranos' insistence and hard work, females seemed far from uninterested in Gill. Gill knew that his parents, whoever they had been, had done him a favor with genetics, and that he was one of the few healthy, single male idols left now, and yet…he hid. He hid because how would you explain to a distraught female that it really wasn't her fault? That you just didn't feel anything? And then when she asks, "Well, what about so-and-so? She's prettier than me and makes you feel something, right?" And then you say something about no, no fish makes you feel anything. How dumb would you look then? Very dumb. And very insensitive. Not worth it, right?

But what if Gill just tried once? So Gill returned to the sheltered clearing deep within the rief alone. But at the sight of the bolder females and the lustful looks they gave him, Gill ducked away. He couldn't help feeling like mating with an available female idol here would result in her using him for reproduction and him playing the role of a mate with no feeling behind it at all. And after they left, simply because he was curious, Gill watched the other fish, all kinds and colors of species, and wondered why he felt nothing, no matter which one he looked at.

Maybe if he didn't mate for life, maybe if he could have a couple of chances, he could try; but Moorish idols had only one chance at mating. No pressure. A lot of pressure, actually. Gill knew he would continue to feel nothing until he found whoever his mate would be, if a mate was indeed in his future. That didn't give him any comfort, though; it looked like he was out of luck now. How pathetic would it be to be one of the few pitiable forever-single fish?

Gill couldn't bear to watch those happy couples anymore. He turned tail and raced away from that stupid spot, determined never to set fin there again. Mates were everywhere and Gill had no mate. He was an outcast. He would always be an outcast. Perhaps Tyranos was absolutely right when he'd teased about Gill getting taken one day: perhaps that was what would happen…perhaps Gill never belonged here at all. Gill continued swimming and swimming, past the choral structures that towered above sandy clearings and past the caves In the rocks and out of the safety of the rief.

He froze nearer to his cave, though. There was a female idol floating by a cave not far from his. She was delicate and graceful and had pretty purple eyes. When she saw Gill, she ducked down shyly. "Hi," she breathed.

"Hi, said Gill politely, swimming up to her. "I've never seen you before. What's your name?"

"Shailo. I usually keep to myself. But I, uh, I've seen you around a lot."

Gill smiled nervously at Shailo, but didn't say anything. What was he supposed to do now again? He'd only ever seen idols paired up after they were sure and after they'd…bonded. What happened before that?

Shailo was speaking again. "I, um, I was wondering…I really like you and…I like that you're kind of low-key…and…wouldyouliketobemates?"

Gill stared at her for a minute. And then he asked the stupidest question… "How do we know? I mean, it's happening all over: fish are just hooking up and that's that. How do you really know when you've found the one?"

"I don't know," Shailo answered. "I was wondering about that too. But I know that I like you. I even like that you watch humans! I know that sounds weird, but you know which humans are okay to get close to—so you probably know a lot. I think if we had a family, we could teach our children to be smart about humans. I like that you gave some humans a chance and made them happy and knew that they wouldn't hurt you. So, if you're still looking for a mate…" she trailed off.

Gill had been absolutely ecstatic when she mentioned liking him liking humans! But when she said the word family, his happiness evaporated. There it was again: the emptiness. The feeling no sparks when you were supposed to feel sparks.

Shailo was swimming closer. Gill let her. He stayed still, holding his breath, as she touched her nose to his in an invitational nudge.

Shailo swam back, and so did gill. They released the breaths they'd been holding.

And Gill stared down at the sand, feeling heartless for feeling nothing.

But then Shailo spoke. "You don't feel anything. That's okay. I understand."

Surprised, Gill looked up at her to see an understanding smile on her face. He smiled apologetically at her, but she just kept looking kindly at him as she swam away.

Okay: Gill wasn't coming out of his Cave again. Ever. She was right there…the perfect mate…and he couldn't. Shailo was perfect for Gill: she liked humans too; she was quiet and low-key; she was not aggressive; she was kind. But Gill didn't feel anything when their noses touched. Although idols pair bonded for life, love at first sight wasn't a thing at all; but you could tell whether you had found your mate when you nudged. But it was terribly awkward when one felt it and the other one didn't.

Gill wasn't worried about Shailo: she would find the fish that would be hers eventually. She was even so sweet about him not reciprocating. Gill knew she would be all right…but that still didn't change the fact that he felt like the biggest jerk in the ocean right now. He was prepared to see a rejected female be furious with him or distraught at his rejection or even unperturbed and continue persuing him…but a kind acceptance of his saying no? That felt even worse somehow.

Maybe…maybe he should just get out of here.

He stopped at the drop-off and gazed out at the inviting open water. . The ocean went on for miles here…Gill could travel if he wanted, swim on and on and see all the parts of the ocean that he'd only ever heard about. He could be whoever he wanted, no fish to judge or dictate what was and what wasn't acceptable. He could be a private fish who didn't have to listen to or care about any other sea creature and watched divers without a care in the world. Sure, there were plenty of predators outside the only rief he'd ever known, but so what? It was the ocean—it was a vast ecosystem of predator and prey no matter where you were in it.

But as a white, boat-shaped something drifted into view, Gill heard a voice he hoped he would never hear again. "If you like humans so much, why don't you just mate with one of them? They seem to interest you more than your own kind, anyway." Tyranos emerged from a small cave nearby, wearing a sneer and accompanied by Petti.

Speaking of predator and prey! Would the only way to be rid of this predator be to leave the rief and get as far away as possible? Gill sighed deeply, feeling irritated and tired. "Why don't you guys just go back to mating? Isn't that all you do nowadays?" And Gill turned away again. He turned away and stared hard at the far away boat again, mentally begging it to move closer quicker so that the two happily fertile mates would just go away.

"Well, at least we can keep up with nature's demands," Tyranos sneered, gliding up beside Gill. "At least we aren't wasting our time doing frivolous, dangerous things."

Petti was staring at her own dorsal fin, admiring it as she delicately waved it to and fro. "At least we know what mating actually means: to reproduce," she said, sounding boared. And then, whipping around to stare at the two males, she continued excitedly, "You know what I heard? Some octopus and some ray tried to mate! Hah! Can you even? Like that could ever work!"

Her mate laughed along with her and the two tossed jabs back and forth about how interspecies love was so disgraceful, disgusting, outlandish, outrageous, stupid, useless. Gill was silent, trying to block out their jeers, and watching as the white boat came closer and closer and finally stopped not too many strokes away.

And now, Gill laughed right back at the two oblivious idols for being so oblivious. "Hey, guys," he yelled, "Stop looking at yourselves for a second and look behind you!"

But the diver with the green mask went unnoticed by two out of the three fish. As Petti and Tyranos continued to get lost in their own world of gossip and vanity, Gill observed the diver calmly looking around at the seascape…no, he wasn't just looking at the seascape…there was a net in his hand: a fish-taker?

Gill swam in between Tyranos and Petti. "Hey. Seriously, you two. You should go."

"What, so you can keep watching for your beloved humans?This is just unhealthy. What kind of freak of nature is more interested in another species than their own kind?"

If fish could face palm, Gill would have. "You know, idiots, there's a diver right behind you. If you don't want to get caught, get moving!"

Finally noticing the net now, the two other idols moved in closer to Gill—a survival tactic: the net could hold just one adult fish; there was no way the diver could catch all three of them if they stuck together. But Tyranos had to make Gill's situation even worse by speaking as they all swam away. "Now that would be the ultimate disgrace to marinekind—actually acting on interspecies atraction."

"So," Petti drawled. "Do you want to get caught, Gill? Do you? Do you have so little respect for the ocean's laws that you would allow those air-breathers to think we could have a reason to dislike them less? Or, Neptune forbid…do you believe you could actually love one of them? Now that would be the worst kind of interspecies!"

"So what if I do like humans more than fish?" Gill blurted before his brain could process what he was saying. And then he stopped. What he had just said freaked even him out a little.

As Petti smirked with satisfaction, Tyranos turned around slowly, and the look he gave Gill was even more frightening than Gill's nightmares about sharks and eels. "You traitor…you human-loving betrayer. If you ever do get caught, Gill, remember this: you are a fish of the ocean, and the ocean's laws and culture deserve respect, even from bottom-feeders. Respect your oceanic roots, Gill, no matter what. Don't you dare go spreading your toxic ideas. Don't you ever allow humans to think we could learn not to loath them. You are aware of our ancient traditions, aren't you? No matter how different fish are up there, ocean fish show pride of their homeland, don't they? If you ever give a slight indication of…surrendering to your despicable fantasies, our entire society is at risk."

Gill had heard all this before, of course, and so he tried to swim away. He was more than aware of the ocean's laws. It was not uncommon for Gill to get in trouble as a youngling on a regular basis for being seen deliberately seeking out and watching divers. That's why he had to sneak out in the dark. That's why he was so elated when he didn't have to worry about a school or interacting with older fish. Gill could practically resite the ocean's laws by heart by now, Tyranos or no Tyranos:

"The most important law, above all others, is that of balance: each role in the ecosystem, no matter how small, is essential. Upsetting the balance leads to chaos. Therefore, roles must be followed and retained for the safety and function of all creatures, from the algae to the sharks. And any creature who disturbs the delicate balance in any way is a threat to our society and to nature's progression, and so must be righted."

In other words, one fish can't change ancient tradition; he can be shunned and dubbed as a dangerous rebel, though. So that's who Gill had always been.

Gill made to swim past the diver and out into the open ocean, determined to leave the rief behind altogether and live as a nomad who made his own rules, but Tyranos blocked his path. "You know, Gill, it's because of fish like you that our world is getting destroyed by creatures like humans…ever heard of deliberate deselection? Think the flipside of natural selection."

If that meant what Gill thought it meant…he dove down and raced away, weaving around structures and plants, going back towards the diver every couple of minutes, hoping that Tyranos would lose Gill or give up eventually when he saw Gill so close to a diver with a net. But Tyranos was determined, and Petti would follow her mate anywhere, so it was two against one—never good odds.

Eventually, Gill became tired enough not to be as precise or speedy, and he didn't swim right past the net…he got caught. Gill stopped moving to catch his breath, thinking that maybe getting caught was okay with him. He'd be around humans without even having to try. He could never, ever let them know that he didn't actually hate them, but he could watch them day and night if he really wanted—that is, if he wasn't getting eaten!

Gill jerked his snout out of the net and stared around wildly…no Tyranos. No fish at all. Whatever his fate was, he would go without anyone knowing. And now, Gill was scared of the net and the human. For the first time, he feared what this human had in mind.

Gill took a deep breath and looked into the face of his captor. Kind eyes gazed back at him. And then the mouth moved. "Hey, fella. I'm not gonna hurt you. You won't be food, and you won't be just a decoration, either. I take care of my pets. Fish are animals, and I love animals. I can take care of you, fella. Come on, let me take you away from here."

The net was a quiet way out of a world where Gill never belonged…not that he'd ever let anybody figure out that was how he felt about the ocean. Ocean fish must take pride and defend their homeland. Ocean fish must never give humans or birds a reason to come near. Ocean fish must never stray outside of their roles within their ecosystem. Well, if circumstances blurred the lines of the boundries, they could be stretched without being completely broken, couldn't they?