Hi! Sorry for the late update. I was just trying to figure out what to write about and make sure it was good. Had a bit of a brain crunch about it, but I hope I did well!
Also, for the sake of the story, I took some liberties with editing how the rules for going on HRT work.
TWs: Internalized Transphobia. Misgendering. Mentions of Transphobia. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. If any of these are a trigger for you, please put your comfort first. If I miss any warnings, please tell me so I can put them in.
"The Queer Sphere?" Incredulous would probably be the best word to describe Bakugou's tone.
"Yes." Not even looking up from the clipboard in their hand, Shinsou nodded to the newbies inquiry.
"This room is called the Queer Sphere?" There were many things that could anger Bakugou. Sappy Movies. Poor hand writing. Midoriya. Loud people. Laziness. Midoriya. Being made to look weak. The fact that she can never get a good stream for Daredevil on the Dorm's wifi. Midoriya etc. But puns stood far above all of those.
"Yes." Once again, Shinsou's eyes did not leave the surface of the clipboard. Bakugou was nearly 99% sure that the violet haired fucker finished reading about five minutes ago and was just messing with her.
"Why the fuck would you call it that?"
"Yes."
"Stop saying yes!" OK, now Bakugou was a 100% sure.
Throwing her hands in the air, Bakugou let herself lean backwards on the counter that laid behind the two of them.
In Shinsou's defence, the nickname was sorta apt. The bottom end of the room curved gently in a semi-circle, creating a cozy little cove for people to sit and talk about their feelings and other mushy bullshit Bakugou couldn't stand.
That's what was presently going on. As soon as the crowd entered, they all the Queers made their way to the Sphere. There, a scattering of beanbags and plastic chairs were scrambled across like breadcrumbs for any one looking for rest. The assorted group only proved that. A mixture of appearances. White dyed hair. Semi-shaved bobs. Septums piercings. Some were even dressed in gothic style dresses. Bakugou would never admit it, but asking them where they got those was becoming increasingly tempting.
Bakugou compares Kirishima to a duck for many reasons. How nearly any bad shit just slides off his back and out of his mind like water. Or how , for some God only knows reason, the man loves bread. Like, seriously, he always has a slice in his hand in the dorm. Not even toasted or anything. Just bread. All the time. It just really bug Bakugou for some reason.
But the main reason Bakugou had come up with this little similarity was due to one fact. When Kirishima talked to people, he was nothing short of a duck to water. Didn't matter who the hell they were. Hipsters. Literature buffs. Comic book nerds. Fashionistas. The ambitious. The lazy. The short tempered. The mellow. The Midoriya's or the Bakugou's. Kirishima could get along with anyone. And he was proving that fact.
Lying back on one of the beanbags, gesturing widly with his free hand as he regaled the eager listeners of the group about some great story of the internship with Fatgum. Everyone was enthralled, like moths to a flame. When Kirishima told a joke, they laughed. When a daring exploit was remembered, they'd "Oooooh" and "Ahhh" in tune.
A few minutes ago, Bakugou had been a part of the group of listeners. She wasn't exactly engaged though. Bakugou had already heard this story before when the Duck returned. Rather, she was doing what she did best: Looking like a grumpy teenager in a place she didn't want to be. The Bakugou-Chic, as Urakaka had nicknamed. Bakugou still needed to get her back for that.
She remembered her mission coming here tonight: To talk to people and have someone who'd understand what she was going through. Someone who knew what it was like to want to tear off your skin. And, to be fair, some had approached. A few generic greetings, something to draw this brooding girl out her shell. Bakugou wanted to let it out, to try and get some insight between them.
But a certain voice took issue with that.
"Ah, that's cute! The little freak wants to make friends! Whatta ya' gonna tell them first? Oh, how about that time you drove a kid just like them from your school. Oooh, they'll get a great kick out of that, ey, Boy."
This voice. Bakugou knew it. A constant companion throughout her life. A watchdog that would bark whenever she looked inward, tried to figure out who she was. The bite of its words, like acid burning in her mind. Stooping her from being herself with whatever tool it had available. Shame. Disgust. Self-loathing. Guilt.
And the Voice was succeeding tonight. At any attempt from here fellows to welcome her into this group, she spurned them. Not in her usual hostile way, no. The warning from Shinsou still weighed heavily in her mind. Bakugou would not lose this place. Instead, she would just give a non-starter of a reply, or just flat out ignore them. They probably thought she was a stuck up bitch, which wasn't far off from the truth.
Eventually, the claustrophic nature of the crowd started to bother her. Needed to get somewhere. Stretch her legs. Get a drink. Any reason to leave. Which brought her to the beverage counter at the back.
And next to the person who probably wanted the least to do with her.
"Soooooooo." The long drawl of Shinsou's voice was intentional. "Why aren't you with your friend. From what I've seen in school, he's the only the one that just get's the bark from you rather than the bite."
"You always such a smartass?" A rough snarl of a reply from Bakugou. She knew antagonising them wasn't the right thing to do. But, it was how she dealt. Anger and rage are a hell of a way to forget your crippling insecurity. And Bakugou learned how to wield those well.
"Only on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm just an ass on the rest." Finally looking up, Shinsou gave a light chuckle to Bakugou as they moved towards a little coffee table next to them. As they sat down, their leg kicked out the chair opposite. After a few moments of hesitant waiting from Bakugou, Shinsou began gesturing with their head to sit down.
Cautiously, Bakugou let herself rest on the seat.
"Okay!" Somehow, Shinsou sounded energized and tired at the same time. One of the advantages of insomnia it seems. "Was going to ask you this after you got settled in here with everyone, but that doesn't look like it's happening anytime soon. So! May as well do it now." With their middle finger (Which Bakugou assumed was a dig at her), Shinsou flipped the current page of the board over.
"The hell are you talking about?"
"Right, for a lot of us, this little group here is our first Port in the Storm, I guess you could say. Like, when you wanna get going with the whole…Trans thing, you come to the group." Still locked onto the board, Shinsou's eyes turned upwards towards Bakugou. "Tell me if I'm hitting the mark here?"
Tempted to tell them that they couldn't be more far off the mark, the fact that it would've been a lie stopped Bakugou. Truth was, the closet was beginning to become too tight for her. 'He' and "Him" had started to hurt worse than any training injury. Being locked on the boys dorm was steadily turning into a prison. Suffocation. That was how she was feeling. No air, nothing to let her breathe.
Bakugou looked across the room at Kirishima, who now seemed to be quietly listening as Tsyu introduce him to her friend.
No, she did have something to help her breathe. But as good as 'Shima was, it wasn't enough. She couldn't live off their talks and confiding in him. Most of all, she was sick of using him as a crutch. Bakugou didn't need someone to help her be her. And she didn't want to put that weight on Kirishima.
Realizing that Shinsou had been waiting for a reply, she nodded.
"Coolio" Of fucking course they say coolio.
"This." Shinsou gestured while raising the clipboard. "Is a little checklist. A run down of questions we have to see where you're at, transition-wise. That way, we can figure out how to help you and get you to be the person you wanna be. I know it sound more cheesy than nachos, but it works." A goofy grin appeared on their face at their equally goofy comparison.
The scowl was Bakugou's response to it, but she supposed it made sense. Can't help her if they don't know who she is.
"Fine Just don't ask anyting fucking stupid." Bakugou began tightening her grip. There were questions she didn't want to answer, to Shinsou or herself. For now, some things were best left unilluminated.
"Well, they're about you, so that kinda limits things." A crooked smirk appeared at their little jab.
"The fuck you just say?"
Holding their hands up in a pacifying manner, Shinsou's smile softened. "OK, last one. I promise. Now." Quickly drawing a pen from their pocket, Shinsou held it to the first question. "You ready?"
Still eager to get back at them for the insult, Bakugou had to save that for later. For now, she could just think of ways to get the purple haired fucker back.
"Fine. Fine. What's the first question?"
"Gender and pronouns?"
"Girl, She/Her." For a few seconds, Bakugou gaped at herself. That came out instantly. No second guessing or guarded behaviour. Not Voice taunting in her head. Jus the truth.
For the first time, Shinsou gave a genuine smile to Bakugou. Something you'd give to a friend, if they were that anyway.
"Awesome. We have a lot of Trans-Femmes here, if you need advice for anything." Shinsou quickly filled in the box as they gave out the helpful tidbit.
"OK, and do you have any goals for yourself? In terms of medical, like hormones?"
Taken aback by how sudden this question came out, going from basic to big pretty fast, it took a second for Bakugou to reply.
"H-Hormones?" While surgery was an off limits subject for Bakugou, HRT was a whole other beast. They always sounded like a godsend to her. Something that could undo the damage that had already been done to her body. She just didn't expect it to come up so soon.
"Yeah, you know. Fem-eminems. Anti-Cistamines. Girl-Pills. Estrogen." The fact that they rapidly shot off all these colourful nicknames gave Bakugou at hint that this was far from Shinsou's first rodeo. "You don't have to answer. All this shit can be scary at first. Feel free to ski-."
"No." Halting Shinsou's offer in a hoarse voice, she continued. "No, I want to… I'd like-fuck!" Stuttering and stammering, Bakugou felt like she'd never get the words out. Just be constantly tripping over herself and falling in the verbal dirt, as it were.
"I'd….Hormones, yeah." Looking anywhere but Shinsou in shame, Bakugou let out a slew of curses towards herself. This wasn't her! She wasn't some little idiot who freaked out at something like this. She's number one in her class. The best of the best. Why the fuck was this happening?
Could feel it. The voice. It's slow whispers becoming louder and louder, infecting her mind.
"Hey." That wasn't the voice.
"Look, I know we can't fucking stand each other. And frankly, I'm happy with that. You're a little shit hothead. But when it comes to this, I'm here. Whatever you gotta say, say it. Ain't gonna judge you." Looking up, Bakugou caught sight of Shinsou's face, looking far more like a concerned sibling than they had any right to be. "Us Gender-Pirates got to stick together."
A chuckle escaped Bakugou's mouth at the last sentence, something she'd never let out normally. This whole thing was really changing her.
Feeling the courage coming back, she sat back with strength. Fuck the Dysphoria. Fuck the anxiety. And Fuck that Voice. She's Bakugou. She'll be the best hero, and she's gonna be the best goddamn girl!
"Yeah, I want to start hormones. The Estrogen."
Nodding and writing came from Shinsou. "And when would you like to start?"
"Now would be fucking great." Part snarky grumble, part truth.
"I think you'll find a lot of people here agree with you." Chuckling to themself, Shinsou's follow up was unexpected. "We can get you an appointment with an Endocrinologist. Could take between one-three months. You might need to make some other appointments. Make sure you're 'Really Transgender'" The eyeroll that escorted those last two words showed exactly what Shinsou thought of the process.
"Don't I need my parent's permission, or whatever bullshit?" Trying to keep the surprise out her voice, Bakugou returned to the gruff state she was known for.
"Not quite. New law means that, if approved by a medical professional, it's up to the person. World may be pretty shit, but it's getting better."
"Ain't happening quick enough." This got an agreeable nod from Shinsou. Resting her jaw on the paw of her hand, Bakugou looked towards the group of people, but one stood out. Tsyu. Bakugou never knew she was Trans. She knew that being able to tell was a load of bullshit, but she couldn't help be in awe of the fact. Maybe that could be her someday.
"So." Refocusing back on Shinsou, Bakugou placed both of her hands at the side of the table. "I can really do this. Hormones. Transition. The whole fuckin nine yards?"
"Bingo, girl. Just meet up for the appointments we give, tell them how you feel and you'll be golden." It felt weird to finally here someone other than Kirishima call her a girl. Especially didn't expect to hear from this sleep-deprived fucker. But, strange times and all that.
Still felt damn good.
Before they could continue, a sharp sound caught their attention.
"Yo, Girl!" Two "girls" in the span of a minute. Must be Bakugou's lucky day. The fact it came from Kirishima only made her more sure. The gleeful, innocent grinning face of the Crimson Riot fanboy was something she welcomed. Even if she didn't always appreciate it.
"What do you want, Duck?" Bakugou had noticed that Kirishima was wearing a small badge he didn't have when he came in. What was written on it confirmed where it came from.
Support your Sisters. Not just your Cis-ters.
"I don't fucking deserve him." No Voice this time. Just Bakugou.
"I was wondering if you wanted to tell the story about the shoes?" Kirishima threw a thumb back towards the gathering of people, some of whom were throwing glances at Bakugou in interest. Knowing Kirishima, he probably spent the whole time talking her up.
"Why the fuck would I?" This wasn't what came out of Bakugou's mouth. It was tempting to say. Far too tempting. The urge to push away. To isolate. Never let herself get hurt. Never take the risk
But, seeing Kirishima's genuine smile…..maybe it was worth the risk.
"Fine. But were telling it my way." Pushing out the seat, Bakugou looked towards Shinsou questioningly, eager to see if there were any more boxes to tick.
"We can do what's left later. The first three are the big ones. Rest are pretty much just filler." Taking a sip of their water, Shinsou waved her off. "Go have fun, you little shit."
Bakugou decided to let them have that one.
The rest of the night went by like a breeze. Well, a few hailstones in the breeze, but nonetheless a breeze. Bakugou told the fabled "Shoe-Story" regularly cursing at any who interrupted while Kirishima attempted to apologize for her. At the end of it, a chorus of "Same though" came from many, which she took comfort in.
Socializing hadn't gone exactly as Bakugou had planned. Kirishima brought her to new people he'd met only an hour ago, introducing them to Bakugou as if they were old friends. The non-committal replies from earlier remained of her. But for some reason, the Voice didn't follow. Bakugou had no illusions. It wasn't gone. Seemed to be taking the night off though.
Looking at Shinso, who seemed to be darting between conversing with the people and doing paperwork at a back table, Bakugou felt like she knew why.
The night soon came to a close, the building needed to be used for the A.A Meeting that was scheduled to take over a 9:00. The group dispersed in smaller parties, some leaving with each other. Some accompanying others for their safety, but Bakugou didn't like to think about that.
Tsyu left by herself Kirishima had happily offered her come back with them, which Bakugou wasn't sure hoe she felt about that. Shaking her head, Tsyu declined.
"If we all come back with each other, might seem suspicious. I said I was meeting with some friend from my old school. What did you's say?"
Kirishima looked curiously at Bakugou for an explanation.
"I didn't tell them fuckin' anything." This didn't seem unusual to Bakugou, but Kirishima facepalming and Tsyu shaking her head dismissively got her thinking she might be wrong.
Nah. They were just stupid and Bakugou was completely in the right.
"I'll see you two back at the dorms. " Turning to walk, Tsyu quick span the full way around to face the pair once more. Or rather, Bakugou.
"Hey, my door's always open. It'll be cool to have another girl like me at school. We can talk shit about all the Cis in our class." Tsyu held out her fist for a response from Bakugou.
"Sure, whatever." Bakugou returned the fist bump, doing all she could to appear as reluctant as possible. This was all for show. She felt a little safer knowing Tsyu shared the same building as her.
Waving as she walked away, Tsyu left Kirishima and Bakugou to themselves. It was rather anticlimactic, since they had to wait for their bus. The two found a bench, quickly sweeping off the twigs from a nearby tree, and sat in silence.
"Fun night?" Same innocent grin, beaming like the sun at Bakugou.
"S'alright." Compared to that smile, Bakugou's expression could be described a crescent moon frown.
"I saw you were talking to Shinsou. Didn't know you two were friends." A tinge of hopefulness. Kirishima always wished Bakuogu could expand her social circle. Did not think it would be the person she regularly got in hallway arguments with though. And a few hallway fist fights, for that matter.
"They're an idiot." Bakugou snorted derisively. "But they know what they're talking about." High praise from Bakugou.
"You wanna come back next week?" A simple and understandable question from Kirishima.
"Yeah." Sure, she rationalized this in her mind. She needed to come back to make her appointments. It would look well on her application for HRT. She could learn how to pass here. But the truth was, she enjoyed it, no matter how surprising that was.
What came next wasn't surprising.
"But you're coming with me." Bakugou lightly punched Kirishima's arm affectionately. He was her Duck.
And to that, Kirishima smiled.