If Only

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 10

Previously

Kate entered the VIP door feeling very much out of place but was immediately made at ease by the staff,

"Good afternoon Ms. Heat, Mike radioed you were in route, we have you setup in a suite on the 47th floor of the Chelsea Tower, I hope that is too your liking."

"I'm sure that will be fine. Just curious but could you tell me how close I am to Mr. Rook, or can you divulge that?"

"Well normally not, but since you are on his guest certificate, we can make an exception, he's on the 52nd floor Penthouse, same tower as you. You would need a room key to his suite to access that floor, I'm sorry."

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Kate's Suite

Cosmopolitan Hotel Las Vegas

6:00 PM Local Time

Kate suddenly awakes and momentarily forgets where she is, then she see's the view from the window that she had not drawn the shades, neon lights were flashing coming attractions to the Miracle Mile of Planet Hollywood. Gee, she's in Vegas, so now what does she do, Rick had made it clear to her in his last text he was NOT ready to talk and would let her know when he was.

Well, little did he know that she was on a quest to prove to him, or was it herself, it could be both that she loved him and would go to any limit to show him. She just had to find an opportunity to see him, preferably alone, but even if he were with Darlene she was determined not to be denied.

She could call his room, NO, bad idea, what if Darlene answered, worse what if she interrupted them, she wasn't buying this just friends crap he had been trying to sell on his website.

Even through Paula Haas's work making TMZ air an apology and admit it was only a rumor hadn't convinced Kate, she knew how he looked at Darlene and there was something there.

The pictures of Rick, Darlene, and her now ex-husband in the courtroom painted anything but a love triangle, but Kate knew Rick perhaps better than anyone, and he felt something for this woman.

As she thought what approach she could use to find Rick for the all-important conversation, it dawned on her that although only just after 6:00 PM Local, it was already past 9:00 PM and she hadn't eaten today. Turning on the TV, customized for her, even with her name appearing on the first screen, she browsed the restaurants that were inside the hotel, and close to her tower.

She freshened up a bit, grabbed a hoodie that said Las Vegas a typical tourist would wear, donned her sunglasses then headed out to Holsteins, an upscale burger and seafood place on the 2nd floor. As she waited for the elevator to arrive, a little boy had run away from his mother and pressed the buttons, up and down. As the elevator going up stopped, there they were, Rick and Darlene, as she froze, Rick's voice came from within,

"Excuse me mam, are you going up?"

The mother of the little boy apologized, "I'm sorry, Jacob got away and pressed all the buttons, I'm so sorry"

"That's OK, at least he's having fun" as Rick flashed his genuine smile toward the young mother, he glanced at Kate who had buried her head deeper in the hoodie and was thankful she had purchased new sunglasses that he didn't recognize.

The doors closed slowly as Kate heard Darlene say, "Let's go to my place, to" then the voices faded out as the elevator started up again. Kate thought for a moment about forgetting the meal, but her stomach growled, and she proceeded with her original plan.

Holsteins was everything advertised and more, bringing tons of memories back to her. She reflected on the days where Rick and she grabbed a burger at Remy's so many miles away, and what now seemed like a lifetime of time gone by as she ate as much of her meal as she could.

His voice had shaken her, she wasn't prepared to see him this quick, and Darlene was even more beautiful than any picture, no she wasn't ready for that. To hear that sweet voice asking Rick to her place was almost more than she could take, a tear forms as she signs her bill and heads back to her suite.

Darlene's Penthouse

Cosmopolitan Hotel 15 minutes later

"Rick, are you OK, I mean did I say or do something to offend you, if so, I'm so sorry but please talk to me, I don't know what I did wrong,"

"Oh Dar, I'm so sorry, it's not you at all, I mean that lady and her little boy on the 47th floor, the one that pushed the buttons"

"Yeah, why did that upset you? I mean you smiled at him and like you said he was just having fun"

"Well, it wasn't them, that lady with the hoodie and sun glasses, I swear it was Kate Beckett, the one I'm trying to*"

"Rick, I know who she is, but why did you think that lady was her, she's in New York what would she be doing all the way out here, I mean isn't that very out of character for her from what you've told me?"

"Yeah it is, I don't know maybe I'm just imagining things, I don't know what the hell is going on, the only time I don't think about her is when I'm with you. I mean I just enjoy your company and I really am trying*"

"Oh Sweetie, if anyone knows about trying, I know, as she gathers him into a hug almost motherly. His head rests on her bosom as she gently strokes his hair, and she plants small kisses on his head, "I'm here for you Rick just like I promised, go ahead talk if you're ready."

Rick composes himself, and clears his throat, " I guess I'm tired, jet lag or something, and you're right, it couldn't be Kate, Hell she wouldn't come to my Loft to talk when we were in New York, she sure as hell isn't going to travel two thousand miles"

"Well a broken heart takes time to heal as well, and as tough as you want to think you are or put on the act for me, yours is broken to pieces and it's OK to feel like hell. Just remember what I said, you've been here for me through it all, and I will be for you, no matter what, you got that?"

He smiled, and kissed her cheek, "I got it, and Thank You!"

"Now let's get back to those plans so we can be a step ahead of Wayne, that is if you still feel like working on them."

"Rick, Let's compromise, we'll work on the plans for an hour or so, then you take me dancing again, I haven't had a partner that didn't step all over my feet since 6th grade" she laughed as she saw that big smile come back.

"You got it, I love dancing with you, and that band is back tonight, the one we loved the other night"

Rick and Darlene had decided it was best to take a phase approach to both projects. The young runaways were going to be the biggest challenge to reach, they had stars in their eyes, and hopes for million-dollar careers, that alone would make it easy for the Pimps once the money and dreams had faded away.

The youth group had over 500 volunteers to pass out the contact information for a hotline, would be phase one. Rick negotiated, well used Dan's contacts to negotiate with branches of the major chains for blocks of rooms, secured from outside Pimps if the youths got the courage to leave. Darlene had met and hired a social worker that she had knew in Ohio and was setting the counseling plans in motion.

They wrapped up the nights work satisfied they had a huge head start, and depending on the level of Wayne Marzano's generosity, plus Rick's contacts in New York would define what the final model would look like. Both were happy that others in need would be helped.

Rick was working with the Armed Forces Brass to get names, real names cross referenced with Police Records for drug arrests, vagrancy and all of the usual associated charges of the homeless. One stipulation for the Vet's they had to agree to a psychological exam, treatment if needed, and drug abuse abstinence.

There was property that Wayne owned an option on, that could be a perfect Whole Way house, Rick always hated the term Half Way. Again, they had gone as far as they could tonight, and Darlene wanted to get Rick out for some fun, he needed it.

She pulled him up from the couch, that hey had shared for the last few hours, not realizing just how close they had been sitting together, or how easy one or the other would put their arm around the other. It was so comfortable without having to worry, it brought them both back to the fact that they had found something neither had ever had before, a best friend.

"Come with me Mr. Castle, I need to dance, and we aren't sitting out the slow ones, I want to hold you tonight, I'm here for you."

He pulled her into him and kissed her gently on the cheek, barely grazing her lip on the way, "Yes Mam" as they walked out of the suite arm in arm.

Kate Beckett's Suite

Same Time Frame

If the appearance of the mystery lady had shook Rick up, it had destroyed Kate. She couldn't accept the fact that it was her actions that put him that close to such a beautiful woman, he was so close yet so far away. She barely kept her food down when she returned to the room, what the hell, Castle was paying for it, so she hit the mini bar for a couple of expensive bottles of liquor.

God Damn it Kate, there you go again, as she stopped, IT's not his fault, how many times do you have to live through this to get it, and why do you blame him? She threw herself on the bed and wept, she must have bumped the remote, since the TV lite up and of all stations it was an oldies playing sad songs. She raised her head, and listened to the beautiful sad lyrics, coming from the screen, and held the pillow and wept as the words came out of the screen;

Somewhere In My Broken Heart

Billy Dean

You made up your mind it was over
After we had come so far.
But I think there's enough pieces of forgiveness.
Somewhere in broken heart.

I would not have chosen the road you have taken.
It has left us miles apart.
But I think I can still find the will to keep going.
Somewhere in my broken heart.

So, fly, go ahead and fly until you find out to you are.
I will keep my love unspoken.
Somewhere in my broken heart.

I hope that in time you will find what you long for love that's
Written in the stars and when you finally do.
I think you'll see it's somewhere in my broken heart.
Girl, I will keep my love unspoken somewhere in my broken
Heart.

I hope that in time you will find what you long for.
Love that's written in the stars.
And when you finally do.
I think you will see it's somewhere in my broken heart.

Somewhere in my broken heart.
Somewhere in my broken heart.
Somewhere in my broken heart.

She wondered, was this what Castle felt like, because if it were, she didn't know how he could ever smile through all she had done. He had to have a better acting pedigree than Martha Rogers, God she hurts, like a physical pain.

She still had the problem, how was she going to reach out to him, now that she was beginning to see just how devastated he had to be to leave, his Daughter, his home, his friends, and now finally she understood the pain he felt and why he couldn't stay.

She thought about calling, but quickly ruled that out, for several reasons, the paper had been right about him and Darlene spending so much time together. She wasn't ready to be rejected before she could state her case, and now lacked the confidence to do it in front of an audience as her earlier bravado stated, God this was a mess.

She pulled out her iPad where she had captured her thoughts from the flight, wait, she didn't have to text or call. She would write him a letter, and be sure it was hand delivered, giving him the option to meet her or not. If he truly had been hurt enough to end all hopes, she could go back to New York knowing she tried, God how she tried to make him understand she knew just how badly he hurt.

She could only hope that somewhere in his broken heart he could find the forgiveness, to at least meet her face to face at least once. She needed a drink, and she wasn't about to abuse the generosity of Rick anymore, so she flipped the sad song station back to the main menu. The Crystal Bar was on the Third Floor, and offered reasonably priced cocktails, and live music, just what she needed she thought.

She entered the bar and was promptly seated in a small booth facing the dance floor, and band stand. She was enjoying the music, calming her nerves as she worked on her second Vodka and Cranberry, then disaster struck.

She looked away, but there walking in were Rick and Darlene, dressed to the nines, and looking very much like a couple, in more ways than one. Holding hands, assisting her with her chair, and her kissing his cheek as she pulled him in to whisper something that brought out the real smile, not the one he had been flashing the last months with her.

The band started back up and played a song by request, an oldie but a goodie as they said, Lady in Red, and it didn't take a genius to know who requested the song or for who. Darlene took his hand and led him to the dance floor, wearing a beautiful dress, RED of course, and from Kate's view she could see, both were holding each other close, eyes closed and enjoying the feel of the other's touch.

Kate managed to get her server to bring her tab, settled it, and slipped out of the bar. As she left, she took one last glance at the couple, their eyes were still closed, slowly swaying and closer to one another as possible, without forming one body. Maybe he had found his cure for the hurt, maybe she really had waited too long and lost him for good,

TBC