If Only
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: Thisis my AU version of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.
I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only
A/N WARNING CHARACTER DEATH, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THAT UPSETS YOU
Chapter 19
Previously
"Thanks Kate, I know he loves you, probably always will, and I won't ever try to take that part of his heart, it's yours and will be forever. I just wanted to tell you, I do love him, more than anyone I've ever known, and I'll do all I can to make him happy and keep him safe.
Part of that is I want you both to feel comfortable if you see each other, there's no reason we can't all be in the same room if the occasion arises, I mean you've been part of his family and I don't want to be the reason that ends."
Kate is shocked, at the compassion and empathy of this woman, "Darlene that is very kind of you but I'm not sure Rick feels the same way, I mean I hurt him so badly, how could he ever forgive me for that?"
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JFK AirPort
6:10 AM Next Day
Kate's plane touched down a few minutes early and at the gate to greet her were her boys, Captain Montgomery and Lanie as promised. She had managed to grab a few hours of relatively peaceful sleep on the flight back. The talk with Darlene had really eased her mind, a great deal, if she had to lose him at least it was to a beautiful sensitive lady who seemed to worship him.
As she stepped off the plane and up the entrance, she could hear Lanie scream her name as soon as she got to the gate door. Soon she was embraced by the ME, then hugs from Ryan, Espo and even the Captain.
"It's good to have you home Beckett, how are you doing?" Captain Montgomery asked,
"Not as good as I want, but better than yesterday Sir, each day gets a little better, Thanks for asking Sir."
Roy was surprised with the open and honest answer and her assessment of her condition.
"I mean it was a bit of a shock and an eye opener, but once we talked, I could see as clear as day how Rick felt, and how we all failed him, no one more than me. Talking to him helped, don't get me wrong it hurt like hell, but he was polite, honest and very forgiving, This could have been a blood bath had he chose to go that route."
"It's good to have you back Kate, we're all sorry things didn't go as we had hoped, but we're proud of your attitude coming back home. You ready for some breakfast?" Leave it to Javi to temper a tender moment with food.
Kevin embraced her in a hug, "We're sorry for the tough love before you left, just wish he had worked out better for you"
"Hey guys stop, if you hadn't come to the apartment I would have sat home, and came up with all kinds of reasons to hate Rick and Darlene, come to work and spout off and lose my job so Thanks for caring enough to do this, I do appreciate you."
Rick and Darlene's House
Henderson NV
5 Months Later
Rick and Darlene had decided to move in together once they had returned from a family visit to New York two weeks after Kate left Vegas. Alexis loved Darlene, and Martha was impressed that the young lady was so open and honest. What ever she was doing Rick looked better than he had in years.
Rick had completed the last Heat Book in record time, and agreed to a modified ending, Gina didn't want to end the series completely so he ended it as Rook as MIA and Heat had called off her wedding, blaming herself for him joining and now maybe gone forever. It was an ending that could easily be resurrected should Rick choose.
It was a bittersweet moment for Kate Beckett, who followed Rick and Darlene from afar when she received the pre-production copies from Black Pawn publishing. At least he didn't kill us was her thought, although she hadn't had any contact with him since she left.
Alexis had decided to attend Oxford, she was graduating in just two weeks, her present would be a family tour of Europe with, Rick, Darlene, Martha and Alexis. They would make a series of stops with the last leaving Alexis for school as the other three returned home. Martha had taken over the loft, free to redecorate everything but Rick's office and bedroom, which was to stay the same.
The project for both Darlene and Rick had taken off, Wayne had agreed to build units that Rick and Darlene designed for 100 homeless Veterans. Simple floor plan but a dent in the homeless as the larger problem of treating and avoiding the Veterans from hitting that bottom that so many had already done, most not surviving.
Wayne donated the land, and buildings as a dedication to his late brother, and in thanks for Darlene keeping his secret. The first units would be ready shortly after they returned from Europe. Rick had made great headway working with LVPD to identify the real names of some of the Street People, and the social services department working with a private clinic, funded by Rick to perform evaluations and arrive at treatment plans.
Wayne had actually appeared before the State Senate and got additional funding for the Veterans program, as well as additional funding to prevent the runaways taking up in Vegas. There was an immediate decline in the number of pimps who left for less regulated areas, reducing street crimes by over 15% in the first quarter.
Darlene and Rick had both been busy and were looking forward to a month of just relaxing with the family. They had grown closer, but still nothing more than coupling was announced.
"Hey Rick, I packed you up for the three weeks except for any formal clothes you want to take,"
"Thanks Sweetie, you know if we need it, we'll buy it, no sense in taking a bunch of clothes we never use,"
"You don't have to twist my arm to buy clothes Mr., I'm right there with you.
Well let's get going, I don't want to miss our flight to New York, and our promise to Alexis, it's been over a month since we've seen her,"
"You actually miss her don't you Dar, I mean for real"
"Of course Rick, I love her, she's been here for me since day one, and she's going to be lonely no matter what she thinks, I want her to be able to call me if you're not around, she needs someone to love her when she's that far from home. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to call me about your Mother's doctor visit."
Rick looks at Darlene with a tear in his eye, "You're the ONLY one that has ever loved my kid as much as I do, Thank You, that makes me love you even more."
New York City
Castle Loft 7 hours later
Everything looked different, and Rick didn't remember it being this cold in May, as they made their way to the loft, and up the elevator. Darlene rang the bell as Rick stooped down behind her, and Alexis opened the door and started jumping up and down crying and hugging Darlene, then she noticed her Dad, and it was all over, tears and hugs, till she finally got out, "I didn't think you were coming till next week."
"We wanted to surprise you Alexis hope you don't mind. I need someone to go shopping with me for our trip in two weeks,"
"Alexis hugged her tighter, I missed you too Dar and you know we could shop everyday now that you are here"
Soon Martha comes down the stairs, "Oh my word, Richard what's wrong?"
Alexis and Darlene are laughing as Rick looks perplexed, "What do you mean Mother, can't I come back to see my daughter and Mother"
Then he sees what Martha is trying to hide, she has plans out for remodeling his office, the architect comes out of the library face to face with a very pissed off Rick Castle.
"You're fired, and put a note on the files, no building permits are to be issued to this address, or I'll have everyone of your jobs stopped," he then hands the phone to the Architect,
"Mr. Mayor, no sir, we weren't aware of that, yes sir, right away sir." He hangs up and returns the phone to Rick who is glaring at a subdued Martha and makes a hasty exit out of the loft.
"Richard, I was just getting some ideas" but stops midsentence as she see's Rick hold up one hand to signify Stop Talking.
He walks over to Darlene, whispers something to her, kisses her quickly, then leaves the loft"
"Oh boy I did it now didn't I."
"I told you Grams you had two rooms on your do not touch list, was that so hard, but NO you had to start with the one room that means something to Dad. I'm surprised he didn't scream at you."
"Darlene Darling, do you know where my Son went,"
"I'm not sure you want to hear it from me Martha, he was pretty pissed"
"Please if you know, please tell me"
"Martha, he'll be home and he'll tell you in his own time but if I were you, I would start packing"
Martha's face turns a shade of Ash, scared now for one of the few times since she had moved back into her Son's life.
Three hours later, Rick returned, and called out "Mother, I need to talk to you, now."
Martha came from the stairs very meekly, "what is it Richard?
"Down here Mother"
As she came to the table, she saw two pamphlets for Retirement Centers, and Rick said "Pick One, if you don't then I will. Also, your charge cards are reduced limits so start watching what you're spending, everything is included in both of these so you really shouldn't need that much anyway.
"I'm not going to one of those places Richard, I mean My Word"
Yes, you are, the locks to the loft have been changed and only Darlene, Alexis and I have the new Fobs, so don't leave or you won't be able to get back in. I can't be two thousand miles away worried every day about what you're doing to the loft, those days are over so pick your new home the moving trucks are coming tomorrow."
"WHAT? You're throwing me out?"
"No I'm doing what I should have done years ago, putting my foot down, this is my home, my rules you always think you can do as you please so now you will do so somewhere else."
Martha turns and returns to her room,
"Dad, I know that was tough, but the doctor says she shouldn't live alone, she's forgetting everything and almost started a fire when she forgot she turned the oven on"
"Thanks pumpkin she'll go a lot easier if she is pissed at me, I can take that rather than seeing her hurt herself or someone in the building"
"Great Acting job Alexis, I'm sure she didn't know you called us, Honey you did the right thing" Darlene hugs the young lady
Castle Loft
7:00 AM Next Morning
As Rick promised the moving trucks were at his loft, packing and moving Martha's household to move to Pinehill Retirement Center, located about 30 minutes from the Loft. It was the one that Rick had preferred since it had a complete hospital with a Trauma Unit within 5 miles of the facility. The early diagnosis for Martha had been Alzheimer early stage one but would get progressively worse at a rapid pace.
Martha had gone from I'm not moving to get me the hell out of here within 2 hours and was giving Rick the silent treatment.
"Mother, do you need for us to pick you up anything for our trip to Europe?" Rick asked,
Silence, till finally Martha replied "Alexis can you tell your Father that I changed my mind, I won't be going with you, I'm sorry Dear"
Rick looks sadly at Darlene who comes over puts her arm around him, "You had to do it this way Sweetie, she needs the care, and please don't beat yourself up, please, I love you" as she kisses him.
Rick steps into his office out of sight, and lets his tears flow, all his life it had been just him and his Mother, but they all knew they had to be as dramatic as Martha was to get her to go, she would never have accepted the doctor's diagnosis. He's sitting at his desk with the lights off, when Alexis sneaks in, sits in her Dad's lap, and hugs his neck.
"The doctor said she has about 3 months before she won't remember anything Daddy, we had to get her into that facility, and this is the only way she would go. I'm so sorry she's mad at you, she knows you love her,"
Darlene pokes her head in, "Rick, they're ready to pull out, if you want to try to talk to your Mother again."
Rick wipes his eyes, and walks out, kissing Darlene briefly and over to where Martha's room was, now all empty, and bare.
"Mother, where are you? I'm sorry I had to do this, but*"
"Oh, save it Richard, let me get on my way to MY house, and you won't be getting a key, two can play your game, Mr. Bigshot.
"As you say Mother, We'll be over to visit once you are setup"
"Please call first, I may be busy,"
"Grams can Darlene and I come visit, Dad may have a meeting,"
"That would be fine Alexis, let him run off to his precious precinct to play cops, I'll see you and Gina in a few hours"
When the ambulance transporting Martha was out of sight, Rick let his tears flow, "she's going fast Alexis, she thinks I'm going to the 12th and I'm so sorry Darlene she called you my ex-wife's name."
"Rick, I know that wasn't meant to hurt me, are YOU OK, that had to be tough, but you know she is in a facility now that we can fly up or even have a health check done by the authorities to ease yours and Alexis minds."
"The timing sucks, but I guess it's better that we get her into treatment here, rather than risk something happening on the trip."
The three of them stand in a group hug, tears flowing but each getting comfort from the other, the light that burned so bright in Martha Rogers Career was beginning to dim, Rick was conflicted on one hand never wanting to lose his mother, and the other hoped that she could pass before she forgot everyone, and everything, that's what she would want.
Castle's Loft
11:30 PM Three Days Later
They were sitting on the couch after getting home from seeing Martha, who finally spoke to Rick, and told him she forgave him. She had become fond of he new surroundings, they had more men than women she smiled, when the call came in. Martha had been transferred to Pinehill Trauma Center, and by the time Rick, Alexis and Darlene reached the hospital she had taken her final bow. A legend had reached the end of the road.
Rick was trying to stay strong, for his two ladies when Alexis reached up kissed him, and said,
"Daddy go ahead and cry, Darlene and I have got you, and we're right here."
That was all he needed to finally let it all out, and let her go, she's free now and she escaped the months of in and out that this cruel disease does to so many, She went out as she lived, on her terms.
TBC
A few more tough chapters then we should be seeing some light, Again thanks for those who are sticking with this, there has been plenty of hate come this way