If Only

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

A/N WARNING CHARACTER DEATH, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THAT UPSETS YOU

Chapter 20

Previously

They were sitting on the couch after getting home from seeing Martha, who finally spoke to Rick, and told him she forgave him. She had become fond of her new surroundings, they had more men than women she smiled, when the call came in. Martha had been transferred to Pinehill Trauma Center, and by the time Rick, Alexis and Darlene reached the hospital she had taken her final bow. A legend had reached the end of the road.

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Castle's Loft

1:30 AM Next Morning

Three very tired and emotional people sat around the dining room table, changing plans from a month-long tour of Europe, to making final arrangements for the Grand Dame of the family. Darlene was taking charge, asking about who to call, contact numbers, contacting Paula Haas, letting her handle the publicity and notification to the Broadway Executives Martha had worked with over these years.

"Rick, you need to call Kate, she can't hear about this on the news or read it in the paper. She's family and Martha loved her, so when you're ready Sweetie, steal away and please let her know."

Rick and Alexis both looked up at her though bloodshot eyes, and for a moment, she thought she had really stepped on it, till Alexis just pulled her into a hug, crying gently,

"You're right Dar, Grams would have wanted that."

Rick smiled at her sadly, "I'll text her to call me when she gets the message, I have no idea of the hours she has worked, but you're right.

We'll hold off with the public notification until we're sure all the close friends have been notified. As for family, this is it, I have no way of knowing who my father is, if he's alive, or even if he would care so this is all the family we have."

"Kate, sorry to reconnect under these conditions, please call me or Darlene when you get this, Mother passed away last evening and we didn't want you to hear it on the news first,

Always,

Rick"

"Dad, I'm not sure this is the time, but I wanted to let you know, I've changed my mind, I can't go to Oxford. I'm going to Columbia, and if it's OK with you I'd like to keep the Loft, that way I'm near to you all if I need you."

Darlene looks at Rick, who had privately been going through a meltdown leaving his little girl that far from home, and smiles.

"Are you sure Pumpkin, I mean nothing pleases me more to be only a few hours away from you, but is it what You want? I know Oxford is a long distance away, but only a few are accepted each year. I want you to do what you are happy with."

"Thanks Dad, I did think about it and really I want to stay home, my home New York, more now than ever. I can visit Grams whenever I want, and make sure flowers are there for her on those special days, the way you would do if you were here. You and Darlene are living your life in Nevada, and you need to continue the work you started."

Just as she finished Rick's cell phone rang,

"Oh, Rick I'm so sorry, I just got your text, we were on a case late and I fell asleep for a few hours. How are you, Alexis and Darlene holding up?"

"I'll put you on speaker they can tell you, OK?"

"Sure, Darlene, Lexi how are you doing, Can I do anything now, or just let me know what you need"

"Thanks Kate, Darlene and I will probably have to shop for a black dress, so other than that the arrangements have all been pre-planned Grams was picky about that so we made her do it before Dad mo" as she stumbled on the word moved, she recovered and continued "left for his new project."

"If you want, I can come over and pick you up tomorrow, I know your cars aren't here and I really don't want you two at the mercy of Cabs"

Darlene looked at Rick, who sat with tears in his eyes staring at the stairs he had seen Martha make her grand appearance from so often, "Kate why don't you come over and we can use the Car service, that way you won't have to use your police credentials to park and get into trouble"

Kate seemed a little surprised, "Sure Darlene, what time would be good for you, would 10:00 AM Work?"

Alexis nods and Darlene responded, "That works, and Kate, Thank You, you know Martha always loved you and wanted you to be her daughter she never had. You're designated for the family car for the proceedings, if you don't mind"

Kate fought back the tears, and answered "It would be an honor, I loved her as well, she was as close to my Mom on this earth that I had. I'll see you in a few hours, and I'm truly so sorry, she'll be missed by many," as the line disconnects.

Rick waited till 5:00 AM then called Paula to give her the details, and ask her to release a press statement, and contact the appropriate people on Broadway. Martha had been using Paula as her publicist for the last few years since she worked less and less.

Darlene and Alexis had lied down, Rick just sat in his office chair, and turned on the TV for noise, he must have dozed off, and woke up to the morning news just coming on air at 6:00 AM.

"Sad news for our Theater Fans this morning, Paula Haas, Agent and Publicist for Rick Castle as well as his Mother Martha Rogers has released the following,

"It is with heavy hearts we announce the passing of our beloved Mother, Grams, Friend, and Actress, Ms. Martha Rogers last night at Pinehill Trauma Center. Ms. Rogers had spent the entire day earlier with her Son, Granddaughter and personal family friend and was in good spirts. She became ill late last evening and was rushed to Pinehill Trauma where she passed peacefully at 11:07 PM. Services are private and pending, Donations to the Academy of Performing Arts is suggested in lieu of flowers. The family requests your understanding and privacy during this time. Thank You"

Well there you have it, one of Broadway's greats, and one of the sweetest people you would want to meet, is gone. Our thoughts and prayers are with her son Richard Castle and Granddaughter Alexis Castle this morning. She will be missed.

One further note, Oscar Spertures, Managing director of the Association of Broadway Playwrights announced that all lights on Broadway will dim for three minutes at 9:00 PM, each night for the next three nights, signifying her last curtain call.

Rick looked up to find Darlene with a cup of coffee and two aspirins, as she made her way to him.

"Hey there, you get any sleep at all" she asked as she slipped into his lap.

"I fell asleep for about an hour how about you and Alexis, sleep any at all."

"Not much, I listened to Alexis cry for about 25 minutes then I went in to comfort her, she pulled me into bed and finally fell asleep about 30 minutes later."

"I don't know what this family would have done without you, Thank You"

"Rick, I did it because I love you, and that made loving your family easy. Martha was a hoot, she once told me to take care of your heart, the original owner had voided her warranty and then walked away. I asked her what she had meant by that later, and got her typical response, "Now you're a bright young lady, you'll figure it out, just take care of my son"

"Now I know, she always wanted you to get together with Kate, and when I showed up she responded as lovingly as she could, her heart belonged to Kate as well, but to her credit, she made me feel welcomed and loved. I wanted you to know I did care about her, even in the short time I was with her."

"Darlene, I mean yes she loved Kate, but she was also furious with her multiple times, but she always told me to follow my heart, to follow my heart and I couldn't go wrong, even if it might be hard at first, it would be worth it."

"So, is that what happened to us, you followed your heart, and it led you to me, the mess I was in, and all the trouble I caused you at first?" she smiled as she recalled at how loving and patient Rick had been with her through it all. First the divorce, then the financial planning, the protection of her privacy, and even when they had bought their house.

He insisted they establish an escrow account that would buy the other's half of the house out in the unlikely event of something happening to their relationship. If one wanted to end it all they had to do was sign the account and quick claim deed over to the other and go on with their individual lives.

"Yeah, I followed my heart, and I made out pretty darn good."

"Rick, Kate will be here in about an hour, I really want you to talk to her now that you've had some time and distance between you. I know you still love her, and That's OK, I knew it going in. Just like you told Alexis, you have to do what's right for you, and if the spark is still there, well just be careful and please let's talk before anything happens, that's all I ask."

Rick looks shocked, but relieved at the same time,

"Dar is there someone lurking in your past that I should know about, I know you love me, but also neither of us have ever said we're In Love"

"Remember when we went to that little club about a month ago, out in the valley, and I told you the band sounded familiar, but I had never seen them before? Well the last song they did that night, was the song that Tom wrote, there was no way they would be able to do that song unless someone knew Tom and was very close."

"Was that the night you cried all the way home and I thought I had done something, and you kept telling me it was just memories catching up with you."

"Yes, Rick that was the night, I didn't do anything, but I did research the band, I didn't tell you, but Tom's brother Jimmy Barnes was also in the band. The research showed it was active during the time I knew him, then they disbanded and last year Jimmy reformed the band with two more original members.

That was the band we heard that night, and Jimmy was the lead singer, he sounded so much like Tommy that I wanted to run away. I'm sorry, this is a hell of a time to tell you this, but we've always been truthful with each other, and I can't hide this from you."

Rick looked very calm and collected as he asked, "Darlene, do you have feelings for this man, Jimmy Barnes? Like you said I knew going in you had someone in your past that, like Kate would forever be a part of my life, so would this person?"

Darlene begins to cry, which gave Rick the answer he needed.

"Hey, it's all right, remember Best Friends Forever first, then we became lovers, I don't ever want to lose that friendship."

"I dated Jimmy first, and then we broke up, so I went with Tommy and he loved me, truly loved me but I really never got over Jimmy, and I guess he knew it.

The last song he wrote, Hurt's my only Memory of You was after we broke up, I guess he thought that I had gotten back with his brother, when I hadn't.

After Tommy died, we all lost contact, but I never forgot either of them, so if you ask, I guess my first true love was and is Jimmy Barnes."

"Do you know how to get in touch with him? If you do, Go, chase your heart and remember that the heart wants what the heart wants and if you follow it you won't go wrong. Truth is, I miss New York, and my part of the project can be run remotely, with occasional visits, so I was searching for a way to tell you, What a hell of a time huh?"

"Well you always said Martha had impeccable timing, even now."

Rick, after the services I think it's best if you stay here in New York, I'll take care of the buyout and all of the arrangements, I know you'll be happier here, and for all that it's worth, I do Love You, it's jus*"

"I know, I'm not in love with you either, no matter how much I tried, I'm sorry"

Castle's Loft

9:55 AM Same Day

Kate arrived a few minutes early, with eyes that apparently had been crying, and greeted each one beginning with Alexis,

"Oh Baby, I'm so sorry, I know how much you loved your Grams, I'm here if you need anything"

"Thanks Kate, I do appreciate that and for all the times I was a brat, and treated you badly I'm truly sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut and let you and my Dad work things out, I never meant to hurt you, but I'm sure I did."

Kate pulls back from her ever so slightly, "Alexis I forgave you a long time ago, you were just protecting the man we both loved, just in different ways"

"Darlene, thank you for including me, it was very sweet of you to do so, I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by being here."

"No way Kate, you're very welcome and I need to talk to you one on one when you and Rick have a few minutes alone, it's not bad so no worries" she whispered in her ear.

Kate looked shocked but just nodded as she moved to Rick, as she embraced him, he began to sob, she knew he never wanted Alexis to see him like that so she led him to his office, Darlene nodding in approval and closed the door.

She held him as he cried, stroking his back and whispering, Oh Babe it's all right, I'm right here, I'm here for you, over and over. Almost twenty minutes later she felt him pull back from her embrace slightly,

"Kate, I'm sorry to go to pieces on you, I know you have other things to do, but thank you for coming, Mother would have loved to have seen you walk through the door."

Kate smiled a sad smile, "Yeah, I never knew what a cheer leader I had till after you moved, Martha and I had lunch every Wednesday, she wanted to know I was OK."

"You and Mother had lunch every week? Did Alexis know?"

"Yes, some weeks she would join us, she only mentioned the work you were doing and the great results you were getting there. Why didn't you tell anyone that your group was nominated for the city's Humanitarian of the Year award? She was so very proud of that Rick."

"Well it wasn't me, I mean only me it's a whole team, so the credit goes to the team Mother keeping a secret like that from us, somethings still amaze me"

"She didn't keep it a secret from everyone Rick, she told Darlene when she talked some weeks, we all talked to each other on skype or speaker phones"

"Wait, Mother talked to all of you every week, you and Darlene and Alexis talked, and I never knew about it?"

"Hey, I thought Darlene would tell you Rick, I mean I didn't think it was my place, I didn't want to upset your relationship"

"We don't have a relationship Kate, we are two people who care about each other greatly, but are still in love with others, I know that's screwed up and could be on a TV Talk show, but it's the truth. In fact, I'm moving back to New York in a few weeks, and she's staying in Nevada,"

"You're splitting up Rick? Why, she loves you and you love her"

"Yes, she does, and yes I do but Kate, neither of us are In Love with the other, I'm still in love with the only woman who truly stole my heart, and she just reconnected to her first love."

Kate looked timidly at Rick with a question on her face,

"Yes Kate, I never got over you and I'm still in love with you. I have no right to say that, I don't even know if you have someone you love"

"You're right Rick, I'm sorry but there is someone I love," Rick looks like the world has fell on him, then Kate pulls him in and kisses him deeply, "It's you Jackass, it's always been you and always will be,"

"What? Kate are you sure, I mean, I have to talk to Darlene, but I "

"It's OK Rick, Darlene wanted to talk to me I guess I know why now, and also why she put me in the family unit for the services"

They open the office door, and Darlene pulls them both into an embrace,

"Do me one favor, DON'T mess this up, you're getting another chance, so don't blow it. "

"Darlene, we need to tell Alexis,"

"Tell me what, that you and Kate are madly in love and finally got your head out of where the sun doesn't shine? I know Dad, I've known since I was 14 you loved her more than life and if Kate will admit it, she loved you too,"

"Guilty as charged, I have loved you since the second case we worked together" Kate timidly replied, if only I had shown you

"Darlene and I are cool, in fact she invited me out to spend some time when it get's really cold here and I'm on break from Columbia"

Darlene and Kate take a stroll into Rick's office and 35 minutes they both come out smiling,

"Everything OK?"

"Everything's more than OK Rick, I just wish Martha could be here to see this" just as Kate finished speaking the lights went out in Martha's room, the fuse had blown or had it.

All they could do was laugh, Martha truly was a force to be reckoned with, but her love and devotion for the family was always first and foremost.

TBC

Perhaps one or two more chapters should finish this off. Death either bring out the best or the worst in families, I chose the best and moments of truth.