The following morning Adam woke with pine needles in his hair and a body that felt older than his years. As he pulled himself up and leaned back against a tree trunk, he looked down at Clara curled up in a ball and with gentle care pushed a strand of hair back from where it had fallen upon her face. Her cheeks were streaked with dry tears but she had slept soundly and Adam was loath to wake her.

He was in land he knew now, and reckoned another day and a half would find them at the northern tip of Lake Tahoe. Leaving Clara alone for a few minutes, he left the camp to take care of his needs, and on his return found her fully awake and ready to move. She led the way along the path Adam pointed out to her, uncomplaining, willing and with a steady determination in her walk. Adam felt a surge of what he supposed was paternal pride.

They followed a deer's run through the forest, stopping to eat berries and roots when they saw them. It didn't fill them up, but it kept the emptiness from their stomachs.

As the terrain started to climb they found themselves at the top of a low hill overlooking a valley filled with lush untouched grass. A fresh breeze cooled the back of Adam's damp neck as he looked down the gentle slope, and a smile grew across his face. Clara frowned quizzically at him. "Why are you smiling?"

Adam's grin grew larger, his dimples flaring as he scratched the back of his head. "When I was a boy, my brothers and I would ride out to a hill overlooking the lake and we'd roll all the way from the top to the bottom, sometimes on our sides, sometimes head over heels. It'd be a race to see who'd win, and more often than not, it was my brother Hoss who would get to the bottom first."

"Why?"

"I guess my brother Joe was too small so he didn't cover as much ground; I was always too careful; and yet Hoss, who was bigger than both of us, would throw himself into it."

"No, I mean, why did you do it?"

Adam pulled his head back on his neck as he turned to her. "Why? Because it was fun. What more reason do you need?"

Clara still wore a frown. Shaking his head, Adam lent forward with his hands on his knees and gazed down the slope. He twisted and nudged her with an elbow. "Come on, let's do it."

She shook her head and took several steps back. "No, no, I'm scared."

Adam pulled her back to his side. "What did I tell you about being scared?"

Clara looked down the hill and back at Adam. "That fear makes you sharper."

Adam raised his eyebrows. "And?"

"Not to be scared of living."

"That's right. And this is one of those times where you have a choice. You can jump in, take a chance, enjoy the moment; or you can say no, walk down, and always wonder what it would have been like to roll all the way to the bottom, forgetting all your troubles for a little while. Now, are you going to walk or roll?"

Clara peered over the edge of the hill. "Roll."

Adam grinned. "Alright."

He took her hand and together they took a step forward.

~8~

"Pa! Pa!"

Joe's voice failed to penetrate Ben's concentration, and it was only when his son appeared by his side that he reined in.

"Pa, we've gotta rest the horses. Cochise is beat. I'm beat."

Hoss came up behind them. "He's right, Pa. We've been drivin' hard since we left that ol' spa town. We need to slow down."

Ben said nothing. But his eyes seemed to burn as they looked down the long straight track ahead of him.

"And I ain't eaten a solid meal in days," said Hoss. "I'm sure I could shoot us a rabbit or somethin' while we letting the horses get their breath back."

Joe nodded in agreement. "Whaddya say, Pa?"

Ben had listened in silence, his gaze fixed on the road. But now he reined his horse around so he was facing his sons. He leaned forward over Buck's neck and raised a gloved finger, pointing it first at Hoss and then at Joe.

The boys straightened in their seats and cast a quick glance at each other before looking back to their father.

"What do I say? What do I say?" His voice was quiet. "We've not seen Adam in six years. Before he makes it home he is taken by goodness knows who, is beaten, manhandled and tied up. Your brother is out there somewhere. He could be badly hurt, or tortured. We don't know why he's been kidnapped, we don't know where he is." Ben took a breath. "And all you two can think about is your stomachs." All three horses tossed their heads in protest at the volume of Ben's last word. "I'm going to find your brother, with or without your help." He began to gather his reins together, but a firm hand grasped his wrist.

"Pa!" It was Joe. "Look at Buck, look at him!"

Ben kept his piercing expression on Joe for a few seconds but then looked down at Buck. His horse's head was lowered in exhaustion, almost to the ground. Ben could only stare, but then his shoulders dropped as the fight left him. Dismounting stiffly, Ben stood close to his weary mount. "You're right," he said, running his hand down the animal's neck. He bowed his head. "You're right.'

Joe was by his side, his voice soothing. "Pa, we'll find Adam, but we can't kill ourselves and our horses while we're doing it."

Ben continued to stroke Buck's neck, his eyes not moving from his horse.

"We want to find him as much as you do, but I don't think I could take on a ten-year old girl right now."

Hoss nudged his horse forward a few steps. "Chubb's still got some life left in 'im; I'll go catch us some grub and we can rest up for an hour."

Ben was too distracted to respond.

"And Pa…"

Ben looked up, his eyes far away.

"We'll find Adam, I promise. While's you two were racing on ahead like there was no tomorrow, I was readin' the signs. Those men ain't moving too fast and we've made good time. We'll catch up with 'em."

Ben nodded.

"How do you know they're going slow?" asked Joe.

"I was studyin' the horses' leavin's."

"The dung? You were looking at the dung?"

"No need to be so blunt, little brother, but yes, I was studyin' their dung. And without goin' inta too much detail I'd say they didn't pass this way that long ago. We'll catch 'em."

And with that, Hoss spurred Chubb up a rocky slope, and disappeared over the other side.

Joe picked up Buck's reins and began to lead him and Cochise off the track. "Come on, Pa. Let's sit." Joe hadn't gone far when he realised his father hadn't moved. "Pa?"

Ben raised his head and with a nod followed his youngest off the track. He sat against a boulder as Joe made a fire and began to brew the coffee. His distracted gaze drew concerned looks from Joe, and after several glances their eyes eventually connected. Ben's eyebrows twitched and he cleared his throat.

"I was nervous about seeing your brother again after all these years."

Joe settled himself on the ground. "Nervous? Pa, it's Adam, what's there to be nervous about?"

Ben nodded. "That's what I kept telling myself. I said, it's your eldest son, the boy who travelled across the country with you, who helped build the Ponderosa, who helped raise you two." He smiled. "He's coming home, I said, something I had hoped and wished for since the day he left."

"So why the nerves?"

Ben looked at Joe, noting the puzzled expression on his son's face. "I'm afraid he'll have changed, changed so much I won't know him anymore. He wasn't the man he once was when he left. He had grown withdrawn, silent, setting himself apart from everyone. He was spending more and more time alone in the house instead of going into town with you boys, or out with me to check on the pastures."

Joe poured a cup of thick black coffee and passed it to Ben who cupped it in his hands. "He was difficult to live with that last year."

"You're not wrong there, son. Standing in Virginia City for the stage to arrive, I couldn't help but wonder if he had grown even more subdued in his time away. What if he hadn't found what he was looking for? Who would step off the stage? The son I knew, or a stranger?"

Joe blew on his coffee. "Adam's Adam, Pa. No matter what he's going through and no matter how much of a pain he can be, he's still my older brother." He took a sip and grimaced, flicking the contents of his cup to the ground. "He'd never be a stranger."

"You're right, of course. But I'm ashamed to admit for a fraction of a second I was almost relieved when Adam didn't step off that stage."

He looked up, expecting to see recrimination, shock, disgust in Joe's reaction. But Joe just nodded. "As much as a fraction, Pa?"

Ben smiled and swirled the liquid around his coffee cup. "Not even that." He took a gulp of his brew, flinched and threw Joe a look. "You never could make a decent cup of coffee." He threw the dregs of his drink into the fire and stood, stretching the kinks out of his back and shoulders, then looked along the dusty road in the direction the men had taken his son. "But now I would give every dollar I have to see him riding along that road. Free, unrestrained, unhurt. Instead, I can't help but imagine what they are doing to him. My boy is in danger, and there is nothing I can do about it."

~8~

Adam and Clara stood at the top of the gently rolling slope of virgin grass and stared down at the bottom.

"You ready?" said Adam. He whipped his hat from his head and with a flick of his wrist, sent it spinning through the air. It landed halfway down the slope. He then threw the rifle to the bottom.

"I think so."

Adam cast her a quick glance. "You think so, or you know so?"

Clara took a quick breath of air. "I know so."

"Okay then, when I say. One…"

They crouched down to their heels.

"Two…"

Heads were tucked in.

"Go!"

Together they dropped their heads over their feet, rocked forward and…they were away! Man and child were rolling head over heels down the slope. Over and over they turned, cautiously at first, but as they grew used to the motion their speed increased. Their bodies bounced off the soft grass, and they laughed and yelped all the way down. They had no idea which way they were rolling, just down, ever faster, growing dizzier by the turn. They collided and Clara was knocked off her trajectory, but that didn't stop them and in no time they landed at the bottom of the slope where the land flattened out, legs and arms entangled. They laughed until their sides hurt and their mouths ached. And as their laughter faded, they lay on their backs fighting to get their breath back.

After a while Adam sat up and brushed the dirt from his clothes. Clara was quiet beside him.

"You okay?" He asked as he reached over to pick a few strands of grass from her hair.

She nodded. "I've never laughed that much before. But...I feel bad after Mama…" She stopped.

Adam reached out his hand and cupped the back of her head. "Don't feel bad. It doesn't mean you miss your mama any less, or are any less sad." He saw the grass in her hair, her rumpled clothing and the rips in her stockings. "We make a fine pair," he laughed. "Come on, we'll get you cleaned up and be on our way."

There was a sudden click, the sound of a trigger being pulled back. Adam whirled to his feet and made a move for the rifle.

"I wouldn't, Cartwright."

Adam froze and looked up. There, silhouetted at the top of the ridge was Cordell casually holding a rifle aimed in their direction. Next to him was the boy, Nate, one of his fancy cigarettes hanging from his lips, leading a couple of horses. As they began to pick their way down the slope, Adam slumped back on the grass and cursed. They had come so far; were within touching distance of home. He was furious with himself. He'd let his guard down and now Clara was one step closer to being returned to the father she was terrified of. He hung his head and prayed to Johanna for forgiveness.